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May 27, 2025 48 mins

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Decluttering isn't just about tidying up—it's about creating space for peace in a chaotic world. Hitting 1 million downloads calls for celebrating with a powerful guest, and Connie Graf delivers with compassion and wisdom that will transform how you approach your environment.

Connie, founder of "From Chaos to Peace," reveals why most of us struggle to implement organizational systems despite knowing what to do. "The information is not necessarily the problem," she explains. "The problem is why aren't we doing what we often know we need to do?" This question unlocks a fascinating exploration of procrastination, fear, and the hidden barriers to creating supportive environments.

Drawing from her Swiss background and years helping entrepreneurs, Connie shares her framework of four personality types—fire, earth, air, and water—each with unique organizational challenges. Fire types start enthusiastically but struggle to follow through. Earth types get trapped in endless planning. Air types overthink everything. Water types become emotionally overwhelmed by their possessions. Understanding your type provides targeted strategies that actually work.

The conversation takes a vulnerable turn when discussing why change feels so threatening. "I think I will not recognize myself if I change and I'm afraid of that," one client confessed. This fear keeps many stuck in chaos despite craving peace. Connie's gentle advice? "A few minutes a day keeps the chaos away." Small, consistent actions build momentum without triggering resistance.

We also explore the cultural pressures on women to "do it all" without seeking help, and how setting boundaries—though initially uncomfortable—creates the foundation for genuine peace. As Connie wisely notes, "We can only create more peace in the world if we have peace within us and within our families."

Ready to transform your environment from chaotic to peaceful? Subscribe now and follow Connie at ConnieGraf.com to continue your journey toward a more supportive, organized life.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dwan Bent-Twyford (00:02):
hey everybody , welcome to the most Dwanderful
real estate podcast ever.
I'm your host, DwanBent-Twyford.
I am so excited to have youhere with us today.
I have an amazing guest andthe most Dwanderful real estate
podcast ever.
We just reached 1 milliondownloads, yay, I know.

(00:23):
So I'm so excited that wereached a million downloads.
So, thank you, thank you, thankyou.
It's only because of you, sokeep listening.
Follow me at dwanderful.
com.
You know, I took Dwan andWonderful and made a new word
dwanderful.
com, my website.
Take the quiz, find out howmuch you know about real estate,

(00:46):
and also Facebook, instagram,youtube, all the things
Dwan-der-ful.
So I have an awesome guesttoday.
I'm really excited to talk toMiss Connie Graf.
How are you today?
I'm very well.

Conny Graf (01:00):
Thank you, Dwan.
How are you?
With 1 million downloads, youshould be over the moon.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (01:06):
Well, you know, I keep my podcast on
Buzzsprout and so I got an emailcongratulating me with all
these downloads about two weeksago, when I was like a million.
I was like, oh my God, I don'teven know what to do.
Like that's so amazing.
I am just like I've been oncloud nine ever since.
That's really something.

Conny Graf (01:27):
Yeah, that is something.
Congratulations, and.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (01:30):
I've worked really hard.
So I was like, oh, thank youJesus, I got rewarded for all my
hard work, so it's prettyexciting.
I actually Googled it lastnight because I thought you know
there's a lot of big podcastsout there.

(01:50):
So I googled is one millionpodcast downloads a lot?
And it says, if you have amillion, you're in the top five
percent of all the podcasts.
Yeah, then I was like, whoa,look at me.
So I just googled that lastnight.
I was like you know, is that alot though?
Because you know there's allthose really big people, you
know famous people that havethese.
You know millions of every, youknow every show and but yeah,
so, um, I found out that that'sreally a lot, so that made me
even more excited about it.

(02:10):
So, yeah, all right, so yourturn, the title I had is from
chaos to peace.
So what we like to do, Conny,is we just throw our guests just
straight to the wolves.
I want you to just give us,like in one or two sentences,
what you do and how everybodycan find you.
Then I'm going to ask you somequestions to find out how you

(02:32):
got to do, what it is that youdo.

Conny Graf (02:35):
Yeah, yeah.
So my business is called FromChaos to Peace, and I help busy
entrepreneurs who work from hometo create a more supportive
environment in their physical,digital, financial environment,
right?
So, like most people aresurrounded by chaos me sometimes
included and I have figured outsome techniques how to keep

(03:00):
that chaos at bay and to workfrom more a peaceful environment
.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (03:05):
Okay, so we're gonna dip into that for
sure, but how do people find you?

Conny Graf (03:10):
So the people find me either on my website,
ConnieGraf.
com, which is C-O-N-N-Y-G-R-A-F.
com.
It's a bit spelled different.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (03:19):
No, you do, Because when I saw C-O-N-N-Y, I
wrote it down that way and Ithought well, I'm hoping it's
pronounced Connie, but everyoneelse is C-O-N-N-I-E, I think.

Conny Graf (03:30):
Yeah, that's the North American way of spelling
Connie.
I'm from Europe.
In Europe it's actually quitecommon to spell Connie with a Y.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (03:38):
Well, mine is Dwan D-W-A-N and people always
go Dawn and I was like Juan.

Conny Graf (03:46):
And I'm sure they also spell it wrong when they
send you an email or anything.
Everybody.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (03:52):
If someone sends me an email or a text and
I know they don't know me, yeah,yeah.

Conny Graf (03:58):
No, okay, so from chaos to peacecom.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (03:59):
are you on social medias?
Okay, so from chaos2peacecom.
Are you on social medias?

Conny Graf (04:04):
I'm on social media so it's ConnieGraph.
com, but I think, yeah, you canclick, you can do chaos2peacecom
as well.
For sure, I'm on social media.
On Instagram, my handle isIamConnyGraf, also with a Y, and
on Facebook it's fromchaos2peace.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (04:24):
Okay, I love it.
I'm going to follow you.
I'm going to find you on allthe places and start stalking
you.

Conny Graf (04:30):
I will look out for you.
That's exciting, yes, and mineis all wonderful.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (04:34):
So yeah, every time I have a guest on, I
really try not to find out toomuch about them ahead of time,
because I really am genuinely acurious person.
I'm curious about people.
I'm curious about people, I'mcurious about things.
So I try not, unless it'ssomeone that I actually just I
know because they're in the realestate business.
But if I don't, I try not tofind out too much ahead of time,

(04:54):
because I like to ask thequestions.
I feel like I would ask if youand I were sitting down having
lunch.
So that's how we kind of formatthe podcast.
It's like, hey, let's get toknow each other and like what
would I want, what would youwant to know?
And that's so.
I've been doing it that way foryears and I guess people like
it because I got a milliondownloads, exactly, and people

(05:25):
all the time they send me likedid you get my questions?
I was like you know I did, Ithrew them away.
Then they're like oh my god,and I'm like I got you, I got
you okay.
So I agree, the world is fullof chaos.
I feel I just me personally.
I feel like social media almostmakes the world make it more

(05:46):
chaotic oh yeah everyone'sonline.
Everything's so negative andpeople are saying mean things to
people and I mean it's like wejust rescued astronauts from
space.
How can you possibly writesomething negative about that?
Yeah, they were stuck in space,like where there's no food,
there's no water, it's like.
And then even that like peoplefind the fault and it's like

(06:08):
what is wrong with people today?
There's so much noise andthere's just so much.
And then you have otherpeople's energy and you know
it's like you just like.
I'm always like, oh, don't rubany of that bad energy up on me.
So chaos to peace.
How did you come up with thisconcept?

(06:29):
And and like why are youhelping people do this?
Because I really love it.
As soon as I read the title, Iwas like I already love her.

Conny Graf (06:37):
Yeah well, thank you so much.
So I think it was kind of likea download.
It all of a sudden came to me.
But so I was a little bit of aweird kid.
So from early on I realized howthe environment has an
influence on us, and how thephysical environment right, not
just the social, like people, weall are aware of that but the

(06:57):
physical environment too.
And so I grew up in a little ina house and I myself had a
little room.
I always called it a broomcloset, and so I was constantly
trying to make this room fit mebetter and what I needed to do
Right.
But then of course this was notsomething that was, back then,

(07:18):
a career.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (07:18):
So I when are you from?

Conny Graf (07:21):
Switzerland.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (07:22):
Oh, because I love your accent.

Conny Graf (07:24):
Thank you.
I'm trying not to have anaccent, but it just it makes you
different.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (07:31):
Don't try not to have an accent.
The fact that you have anaccent makes people go.
Oh, she's from someplace else.
I want to hear this, yeah yeah,yeah, yeah.

Conny Graf (07:40):
And so I went into finance and I helped people
create peace in their numbers,right so.
But then I also helped themcreate peace on their desk, in
their, in their offices, and Ialways kind of said, well, I
help you going from chaos topeace, kind of Of course,
originally I said it in Germanbecause I'm Switzerland, I come

(08:01):
from the German part, but sothis kind of stuck.
And then all of a sudden Ithought why don't I call my
business like this, why don't Italk more about really going
from chaos to peace?
Before my company was calledGraph Accounting and Controlling
, Really boring.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (08:20):
This is way better.
I love this.

Conny Graf (08:23):
Exactly, and so it literally came from me talking.
That was the way I was talkingwhen somebody asked me how do
you, how can you help me?
Or when I was actually helpingsomebody.
I was talking about I help yougo from chaos to peace, and
that's how it happened.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (08:38):
Long a long story because you know, everyone
has a moment, you know like forme, I call it my come to Jesus
moment, where I got into realestate investing out of
desperation.
But, every moment or somethingyou know becomes clear or just

(08:59):
shows up and you're like, oh,yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I
need to do.
So I'm always really curious howpeople chose what they do.
And, like you said, you weretalking and thinking and then it
came to you Like why can't Ihelp other people do this?
And then there you are, and nowyou're doing like your epiphany
or whatever you would call it,and now you're able to do that.

(09:20):
So if I was so I'm assumingthat you sort of help people in
some sort of a mentorship way orthere's something, something
that they, you teach them Ican't imagine you do it in one
call, so you know, no, no that'spart of your community or

(09:40):
something like that.

Conny Graf (09:41):
Yeah, yeah so.
So originally, the way itstarted was in person.
So, right, I would go to theiroffice, I would go help them out
, I would do the work with them.
I would never do it for them, Iwould kind of do it with them.
Nowadays, everything movedonline, right.
So the mentorship I call itmore like guidance or coaching,

(10:03):
however you want to call it.
So the mentorship, I call itmore like guidance or coaching,
however you want to call it.
Yeah, so we're talking and youknow, Dwan, these days we can
all Google how to create moreorder around us.
That is not necessary.
The information is notnecessarily the problem.
The problem is why aren't wedoing what we often know what to
do?
Why can't we get ourselves todo the things we know we need to

(10:28):
do?
Why are we procrastinating?
Right, and so this is basicallywhat I then help.
Yes, I do help with practicaltips and all this, but what I'm
actually helping them isaccountability, to stay on track
.
I help them talking it through,which a lot of people say I'm

(10:50):
so glad I can talk this through,especially when it's around
finances.
They say, oh, I'm so glad Ihave somebody that I can talk
this through.
Other people is like when it'sabout creating an organized
office or decluttering theirhome.
They love talking through whatdo I let go?
How do I do it?
Hey, I noticed I gotsidetracked.
I can't do it.
What do I do wrong?
Right, so this is it.
That's why I'm calling itguidance, because really we can

(11:11):
all ask ChatGPT or Google it orwhatever we get all the whole
program how to do it, but thenwe don't do anything.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (11:19):
Right.
So that's the thing.
I have people all the time like, hey, I want you to be my real
estate coach, I want you tomentor me, I want to be like you
, but then I give them a list ofthings and then they don't do
it.

Conny Graf (11:31):
Yeah, yeah.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (11:32):
So.
So if I was, so if someone wascoming to you and you're like,
hey, these are the things, or,or whatever, how do you?
How do you help them like dothe actual work, besides like
cracking a whip on and say, hey,do what I said to do?
Like, how do you get peoplebecause that's the problem, you

(11:53):
can google everything.
People google how to loseweight.
There's 80 million thousandways to lose weight, but then
people don't do it yeah overcomethat.
So I feel like I, I almost feellike we have so much information
overload, yeah, a hundred waysof you know organizing your
space, but then no one actuallydoes it, yeah, yeah, so I think

(12:16):
one way.

Conny Graf (12:17):
So first I want to say one thing like we can't make
anybody do anything, like I'mnot a dictator, right so.
But what I can do is I caneither inspire them or I can
weed through all the informationand help them figure out a way
that works for them or mightwork for them right.

(12:37):
So, like I'm a little voodoo,go very simple.
There's kind of four types ofpeople and depending on what
type you're, you're falling into, you have other challenges that
keep you from starting Right.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (12:56):
So then I'm trying to tell me the four
people because I want to knowthis.

Conny Graf (13:00):
This is like information I need to know, ok,
so there is four elements inastrology it's fire, earth, air
and water.
And Carl Jung, by the way, hegave them a little bit different
names, but he worked with thattoo.
So this is kind of like to putall people in four buckets.

(13:21):
It's very generic.
We're not trying to put boxesaround people or put people in
boxes, but it does help.
So, as a fire person, forexample, you're very quickly,
very enthusiastic, you startsomething, but you have a hard
time following through.
Right, as an earth person, youplan, you love planning, you
plan and plan and plan, but younever start doing anything

(13:43):
because you plan like a crazyman or crazy woman.
As an air person air people theyhave so many thoughts in their
brain they're trying to weedthrough all their thoughts and
they get caught up in analysis,paralysis, what is the best way
to start?
So they don't start either.
Right, and the water people arethe ones who are very emotional

(14:04):
.
They're very attached toeverything and their things and
they are easily overwhelmed andeasily emotionally bogged down.
So those people need adifferent approach, right?
And so if I can figure out onwhat the dominant energy of
these four is in somebody, I canmake suggestions and say okay,

(14:24):
listen, you're a fire personlike me.
I have a lot of fire, so I haveto always be careful that I'm
not a run after every shinyobject and start seven million
things.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (14:36):
I think I have shiny object syndrome.

Conny Graf (14:38):
I'm like, oh my god, oh, I definitely have shiny
object syndrome, yeah, yeah yeah, and so this is kind of how I
can help and we can talk itthrough and I can give them
actually specific tasks, liketailored to them.
When we talk that they actuallyI can still not make them do
them Right, but because we'rereading through all the

(14:59):
information and all the optionsand all the things I can,
actually we can actually come upwith a, with a task or
something that they can do.
And then it's that's the onlything.
I'm saying okay, you're onlytrying to do this, focus on this
and not on all the other thingsthat you might hear you could
do or are on your list, right.

(15:20):
And then I give accountability.
So it often helps and studiesshow that too If you tell
somebody, yes, I'm going to dothis, you're more likely to
going to do it because next weekyou're on the call with me
again and I say so, how did itgo?
So this is kind of how I helpand it helps a lot.

(15:40):
It helps a to to weed throughall the options and the
possibilities.
It gives them a clear directionand it gives them
accountability.
Now, again, I can't makeanybody do anything, but I sure
try.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (15:56):
But you can.
You can because if they'vecommitted and said, kind of
listen, I'm going to do thesystem, just being accountable,
because in my real estateinvesting career, when someone
wants to be what I call anapprentice training, they have
this accountability log and itsays how many homeowners did you
talk to, how many leads did youget, how many this, how many

(16:19):
that, how many postcards, howmany doors you done, how many
contracts?
And then when they're new,they're like I mean every, they
fill it out, they send it to meand then in a couple months like
they'll miss a few weeks, orthey'll say, oh, it's on
vacation, oh, I get busy, no,you're falling off of your
accountability, but you can seethem doing it.

(16:40):
So I I think I probably do whatyou do.
I think back, I'm like, hey,listen, you missed two weeks of
accountability, get back onbecause you're doing what
everybody does.
It's like, oh, and then you doit and then you dwindle, and if
someone doesn't come back andsay, get back on the track with
me, they'll just dwindle off.
Yeah.

Conny Graf (16:59):
So you can you?

Dwan Bent-Twyford (17:00):
can you have the power?
But it's part of it is always,in my opinion, is going to be.
You like, when they start kindof dwindling, say, hey, listen,
you hired me to do this for you.
You have to keep going.
I'm not letting I tell people,I'm not letting you quit, yeah,
you're going to do it.
And then like, okay, next thingyou know they're closing deals,

(17:20):
like, oh my god, mom was great.
But there was a minute therewhere I had to like yell.

Conny Graf (17:24):
I'm like yeah, yeah, it's the tough love that you
have to give them, that they'rebasically hiring you for right
to give them the tough love toto actually.
But see, I think the reason whyI say I can't make anybody do
anything is because, in the end,it's still them that wanna do
it right.
It's still them that actuallydo the work.

(17:46):
It's not I'm not going to do itfor them, although a lot of
people would love that justanybody or everybody does
everything for them.
But that's not how we get proudof ourselves, right?
If somebody would have doneyour podcast, you wouldn't be as
proud for 1 million downloads.
As you know.
You worked hard for it and youdid it yourself.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (18:07):
I agree.
So what do you think is thenumber one thing that keeps
people from like saying hey, Iwant this help and then not
doing?
Do you think it's like just, Imean, I know it's a different
signs and stuff, but do youthink procrastination, or people
like I find a lot of people areafraid of change, like deep

(18:27):
down or like what do you thinkis like kind of the, the, maybe
the number one or two thingsthat keeps people from from
really changing, becauseeverybody can change yeah, yeah,
I think one one of the reasonsis not being active in the

(18:48):
change, being worried that it'sto you.

Conny Graf (18:52):
I had once a client and she said, after not taking
action for like several timesand I'm always saying, like,
okay, what is it?
Why aren't you doing it?
All of a sudden it came out ofher and she said I think I will
not recognize myself if I changeand I'm afraid of that.
Right, so this is kind of thefear of the unknown.

(19:15):
We're so comfortable in how weknow things and it's almost like
if, even though I'm reallystressed out, even though I'm
not successful, even though Idon't like how it is right now,
at least I know what I'm dealingwith If I have to go to
something different.
It's new and it's scary.
And I sometimes feel too it'slike the more the world around

(19:38):
us gets crazier like right nowis and we don't have the inner
grounding or the inner peace,how I call it.
Yeah, the more, the more we'reall just like hunkering down.
I'm just gonna stay hereexactly where I am and don't
rock the boat, and I think thatis one of the big ones.

(20:00):
And at the same time, theywould wanna like they would
wanna get into a better place,but only if they didn't have to
change kind of thing.
So then, yeah, so, and you know, like Dwan I don't know how you
are, whether you're always onthe go and where you always can
do it, but I can certainlyrelate there's sometimes days

(20:21):
where I feel like, oh, if Icould just sit back and not have
to constantly strive forgetting better, doing better,
doing more, that would be lovely.
And then the next morning Iwake up and think, oh, no, that
wouldn't work for me.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (20:37):
So no, I know I get you, but I feel like you
just really hit it on the headthere because it's it's fear.
I find like in my end, withpeople making money in real
estate, they're like they'reafraid to be successful, but
they're afraid to fail.
Then they're like, well, if Istart making all this money,
what will I do?
How will that look like on?

(20:57):
the other side and they wantthat, but then they're afraid to
get it.
And then, when they get it,then what is the next step?
You know, yeah, and I, Ihonestly, I mean, I've been,

(21:17):
I've been teaching people forlike 35 years and I swear, I
feel like the depths ofeveryone's soul.
It's fear that stops us.
Yeah, I'm doing like what's onthe other side.

Conny Graf (21:30):
Yeah, yeah, and I think most people, the more they
sit actually in theircomfortable thing, the less
they're going to do something.
So what I often then suggest islet's make small tweaks and
small changes, like there isthis I forgot the study, but
they say if you just change theway you drive something like if

(21:51):
you always drive the same way tothe grocery store start driving
a different way, start doingthings a little bit different in
your everyday life to get usedto doing things differently
instead of being so in the rutand then just build from there.
Right, but I mean it's, it isliterally fear, and it hit me so

(22:13):
hard when she said oh, I don'tthink I would recognize myself
when I'm afraid of that.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (22:18):
Yeah, yeah yeah, but I can no, I, I, I can
totally see that and you knowthere are so many people that
need help with like what you do,because I mean everyone's got
trauma and everyone's got thisand everyone's got that, and

(22:38):
then people just don't know howto get by it or they develop
habits that are like traumaresponses or whatever.
And then you know, 10 years goby and nothing has changed at
all.

Conny Graf (22:52):
Yeah, yeah, it's crazy, it's crazy.
So what is?

Dwan Bent-Twyford (22:56):
an actionable tip, like right now, if
someone's listening, I reallylike Connie, I like her vibe, I
like all what she's got going on.
What is one actionable tip?
What she's got going on, whatis one actionable tip?
Just anyone listening could go.
I'm going to do this one thingto get my ball rolling.

Conny Graf (23:17):
So one thing that I noticed what a lot of people try
to do is they try to take ontoo much, like they think I'm
gonna I don't know, let's talkphysical clutter I'm gonna
declutter my whole office thisSaturday most likely Saturday of
all days and this is way toomuch.
Like A it's you're most likelynot going to do it.

(23:40):
You're going to procrastinate.
In the morning you wake up andyou think, oh, I have the whole
day I can wait until and I candrink coffee first, read
newspapers, scroll Instagram,whatever, right, and then.
And then it goes on and on, andthen you find the laundry that
needs to be folded and whatever,and then it's three in the
afternoon and you think, oh, nowI don't have to start, right?
So this is, this is one thing.

(24:01):
So the one actionable tip Ialways say is and is the saying
of mine a few minutes a daykeeps the chaos away.
So start small, smaller thanyou think it will make a
difference.
But if you start small and youstart creating a momentum where
you're actually doing somethingand it can be so small that your

(24:22):
procrastination muscle reallyhas no chance to kick in you
literally just do it.
That, that is the biggest tip.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (24:31):
So I'm going to start telling people that a
few minutes a day Keeps thechaos away yeah.
So when you so, I'm at my house.
I have a house in Florida andI'm blessed enough to have a
house in Colorado as well, andso, yeah, it's got three
bedrooms.
And so this, I'm down here fora month.
I thought you know what I'mgoing to in the first week.

(24:53):
I'm going to clean out all theclosets.
I'm going to get rid of all theclothes somebody wears.
I'm going to put all theclothes on the black velvet
hangers.
Okay, so now I've been here forthree weeks I've only done two
closets.
Yeah, because then I'm like,and yeah, because then I'm like.
And then a couple of days ago,I was like, okay, I'm going to
get up first thing, I'm notgoing to look at anything, I'm
just going to go work on thatcloset.

(25:14):
But then, like someone rang thedoorbell and then the yard guy
came.
I started talking to him andthen this and this and this and
I was like, dang, it's 3.30.
I don't have time.
I did the exact identical thingin the last week.
In the last week, the identicalthing, and that's what made me
laugh when you said that it waslike I literally just did that.

Conny Graf (25:34):
Yeah yeah, and you know, dawn, it's really human.
It's very human from us becauseA and that comes from somebody
who loves an organizedenvironment.
So I'm not like a stickler forbeing all perfect, but I like it
if it's just so right.
But I wouldn't want to go anddo three closets in one week or

(25:58):
three closets in one day orwhatever.
So then we start to, oh yeah,well, and I have so much time, I
can do it, so I can wait.
I can read newspaper first, Ican scroll first, I can drink
coffee first, I can go sit inthe garden first.
We come up with everything andanything.
And so this is why I'm sayingjust commit 15 minutes, commit

(26:19):
to half an hour.
Half an hour is already, Iwould say, the max, so don't do
longer.
Because another thing I alwayssay too is like you have to
train your decluttering muscle.
I always put this here we haveto train our decluttering muscle
.
I always put this here we haveto train our decluttering muscle
.
So if you're not used to doingdecluttering and organizing and
cleaning out and putting back in, you're getting tired very

(26:41):
quickly.
You're getting.
Depending on what type ofperson you are, you either get
very quickly emotionallyoverwhelmed If you're more like
an air person, you quickly getsidetracked with all kinds of
other squirrel things that youcould do as a fire person.
You lose the enthusiasm fairlyquickly, right, and then you may

(27:03):
have a bigger mess than you hadever before.
And the earth person, like wesaid, hardly ever starts,
especially if it's a big project.
The three closets oh my God, wewill have to plan that first
before we can start.
Right, so start small.
So I often say start with 15minutes, start with 20 minutes,
start with as little time aspossible where you can actually

(27:25):
say, ok, I can choose, I can dothat, I have 15 minutes that
quickly can do something.
And then start with the obviousthing.
Another funny thing is that alot of people always ask me.
They always come with the mostdifficult decision to me and say
well, connie, how would you,how would you decide here?
And I'm like OK, is that theonly thing that you still have

(27:45):
to clean up or organize?
If not, let's do everythingelse first.
Because you get more used tomaking decisions, you understand
more what your ideal orsupportive environment is, you
understand more about yourself,you are used to the process, so
don't start with so if we'retalking about household stuff.

(28:08):
Don't start with yourgrandmother's china that you
actually don't know what to do.
If that's when you can't like,this is not you.
I'm sure you have other stuffthat you can work on first.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (28:20):
I love it, I love what you do and I have
found I have noticed I turned 66this year I have noticed in the
last three or four years I feellike I'm almost becoming ocd
about everything being clutterfree.
So I'm like, I mean I havecleaned out all my closets and

(28:41):
kitchens, bathrooms, under thedrawer, I mean over the, you
know not all like over the lastfew years I've changed out all
the hangers, I've organized,I've thrown clothes away and I'm
like okay, and now I'm likewith my grandkids, like you know
, I'll have this here and I'mlike listen, don't touch my
stuff.
It was over here.
Stop touching my stuff, don'tmove it there, I want it here.

(29:02):
And I'm like okay now I'mbecoming like a crazy person,
but I I'm getting to where Ijust I used to live in my
husband's a mess, like he juststuffs all over the place.
And now I'm just to where Ijust.
I used to live in my husband'sa mess, like he just stuffs all
over the place.
And now I'm just like I walk inthe room I'm like, oh, I can't
even look at this room becausethere's so much clutter in here.
Like my heart can't take thepressure of all the clutter.

(29:23):
And I feel like I'm going theother way.
And so now I'm just like dude,listen, we're going to start
cleaning and he helps me.
We, I'm just like dude, listen,we're going to start cleaning
and he helps me.
We're going to do this and thisand this, and when it's done,
nothing gets put out of place.
We're going to keep clutter free, and I was never super crazy
about all that organized, but inthe last few years I feel like

(29:44):
the older I get, the more I justwant everything to be in a
place.
So when I go to look for it,that's where it's at, and if I
need this, it's there.
And I go there and then it'snot there.
Then I spend an hour lookingfor something because somebody
moved it.
It's like stop touching mystuff.
So I don't know if I'm gettinglike because that's about my
things, but I just like if I goin the dressing, that's where
the scissors are.
I want them and they're notthere.

(30:05):
It's 30 minutes to me.
It's like stop, stop moving mystuff.

Conny Graf (30:10):
Yeah, yeah, I think that we for sure need to keep a
balance right.
So, like, wherever we go out ofkind of the middle ground into
the extremes, it might be goodto just wonder why, but I'm with
you.
So I like when things are wherethey belong Because, like I said
, if we want to be productive inworking, if we want to not

(30:34):
spend hours and hours searchingfor stuff, it helps if the stuff
is there where we put it, If wehave a home.
So it starts actually a fewsteps before that we have a home
for everything that we have.
Right, we're not just havingwilly nilly stuff, we have
things that have a home in ourhome and that's where we go when
we want it and when we'reworking, like when we're in this

(30:57):
flow state and we're workingand everything works out well,
and then we don't find anythingall of a sudden that stops us in
our tracks.
Right, and that's where we'retrying to not get stopped and
the things are always where theyneed to be.
Now, nobody is perfect, so I'malways thinking like if 80 to
90% of the time the stuff iswhere it needs to be, good

(31:19):
enough, because we need to stayhuman.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (31:22):
Yeah, we do, we do, we do, and so I would
imagine that would be reallyhelpful for people in business
too, because I think a lot ofpeople get you know whatever
their job is and they make thismuch money and then they sort of
get stuck there.
They need things andinformation to help them, like
get to the next level, becausethat's a thing too, getting to

(31:43):
the next level and dealing withtraumas and getting to the next
level.
And dealing with traumas andgetting to the next level, I
mean, I feel like what you do isjust so.
I mean, even me.
Everybody needs someone to helpthem get through the clutter,
the chaos.

Conny Graf (32:01):
Yeah, yeah.
And you know, I think like it'stoday's misconception in our
society today that we need to beable to do it all ourselves.
When you just go back a littlebit, we were used to live in
small communities or in bigfamilies.
We always had some kind of likementor, to call it that way.

(32:22):
Maybe it was your grandmother,maybe it was your mother, maybe
it was an aunt, maybe it wassome family relative or some
community member that you couldgo to and ask something.
And in our world today it'salmost like we feel like we have
to do it all by ourselves.
I have a client who constantlysays Connie, I don't know why I
always come to your calls or whyI still need your calls.

(32:44):
I should be able to do itmyself.
And I say who says?
Who says that we have to do itall ourselves?

Dwan Bent-Twyford (32:51):
we don't well , I think women.
I don't know how can I ask howold you are?
Yeah, 57 okay, so were youraised in America, or did you?

Conny Graf (33:01):
know in Switzerland.
When did you come here?
Uh, 20 years ago okay.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (33:06):
So for people I 66, so I feel like women like
my generation that were raisedin America.
We ended up being taught likeget a job, have kids, work at a
factory, have a husband, andthen you work all day, and then
you cook and you clean and youdo laundry, it's like, but since
when did women have to doeverything?

(33:30):
And that's why people are sooverwhelmed, because it's like,
oh, women are going to doeverything.
And that's why people are sooverwhelmed because it's like,
oh, we're going to do everything.
Yeah, we can, but why do wehave to literally do everything?
Like your husband should behelping, not like it's a woman's
job?
and you know like when I was akid, you had aunts and uncles
and grandparents and like it wasmore of a community and people
are now more isolated.

(33:50):
I think yeah.
And then especially women.

Conny Graf (33:54):
I think women feel overwhelmed by the fact that
they should be able to do it allyeah, so from my perspective,
where I grew up in Switzerland,so I do remember when I was just
very young, like 18, 17, 18 itwas, oh, as a woman, you take a
job away from a guy, so if youdo go and work, feel privileged,

(34:15):
but that doesn't mean you canneglect the duties you have at
home.
That's kind of like how I grewup.
And this is where it comes fromtoo, where we probably think,
like you just said, we need todo it all, because we need to
prove that we can do it all, andbecause we need to prove that
we can do it all, and it's nothealthy.
It's not healthy.
So, yeah, ask for help, which alot of people say it's the

(34:38):
hardest thing to do, and I canagree.
Sometimes I have a hard timetoo to ask, because we're
socialized to not have to ask,especially if you're a woman,
because then you're told oh, Iknew you couldn't do it.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (34:49):
Like right, it's like still today.
And then you got all theseyoung women, like you know, in
their twenties and thirties,with all this like super gentle
parenting and all these kidsthat misbehave.
I'm like, listen, you come tomy house, I'm going to whip your
ass, so you're going to listento me.
I was raised old school with aswitch and a bell and no gentle.

(35:14):
You're gonna mind me.
And then maybe I need to softenup a little bit.
I don't know.
I just I feel like the world'sgone crazy and there's just too
much happening.
There is so much chaos and Ijust don't feel like most people
take the time to actually findtheir peace.
Now, I do.
I take time every day to findmy peace.
I have quiet time, I have acandle, I read the bible and I'm
like beautiful.

(35:36):
I, I'm doing this, but I onlylearned to stand my ground about
my peace only in like the lastfive or six years.
I was almost 60 before Istarted saying you know what,
listen, I'm taking care of mefirst, and then everybody else
is second.
And before I was like a superpeople pleaser and somewhere

(35:58):
along the way I was like youknow what I can't do, that I'm
sick a lot, I'm run down, I'mexhausted, I'm not enjoying
things.
So I just made the decision tolike I'm putting myself first,
I'm putting my peace, my room isclean, everything in this clean
, clean, clean, and I have timeto relax and I just do it.
I'm like I just don't care ifpeople get mad.
Oh, you said no to that.

(36:19):
I'm like, no, I'm not doingthat.
I'm not doing that.
That's not healthy for mepersonally.
But when you get to the point,especially as a woman, and you
start saying no to people thatused to say yes to everyone,
they're like ooh, which one withyou?
Now it's like I'm watching outfor my peace.
That's what's wrong and whatyou're asking me is not part of

(36:40):
my plan anymore.
And people get offended Ooh,which one with you?
Which one with Duann?
And it's like no Duann's tiredof being a doormat.

Conny Graf (36:49):
Yeah, yeah, and you know, I think too it's like a
lot of people say, oh, it's socrazy out there and it's, but
they themselves are crazy.
And I really think we can onlycreate more peace in the world
and that may say it sounds verybig, but we can only create more
peace in the world if we havepeace within us and within our

(37:11):
families.
Right, but if we're runningaround like crazy pants, this is
not creating peace.
Also, you know that if you'rerunning around like crazy pants,
trying to please everybody andtrying to make sure everybody is
fine A, you are not fine in theend automatically.
But the other thing is too, isyou have not a single moment to
actually reflect.
Does that even make sense, whatI'm doing right, or does it

(37:34):
maybe have negative consequences?

Dwan Bent-Twyford (37:37):
You are preaching to the choir.
I agree more with everythingthat you're saying, but I do,
just in my personal experienceand a lot of my friends, I find
that it is hard, and I'm sure itis for men too, but just from a
woman's perspective, it's hardsometimes to just draw that line
of like this is what I need,because other people are like,

(37:59):
oh, she won't help, I can't justdrop the kids off anytime, dare
, and I can't, you know, andit's like no, that's it, that's
how it is.
Yeah, yeah, this is my, this ismy line in the sand and that's
how it is.
But once you do it for a while,I wake up.
Now I'm just like, ah, yeah,peaceful.
I don't wake up with anxietyanymore, I go to bed peaceful

(38:23):
and people are used to me now.
But man, the first couple ofyears, oh my gosh, I got so much
flack off people.

Conny Graf (38:28):
Yeah, but I think it goes back to what we were
saying like, people don't likechange.
So all of a sudden, dwanchanged and didn't say yes to
everything anymore, which had aneffect on them, because now,
all of a sudden, they couldn'tdrop whatever they wanted off on
your doorstep and Dwan would betaking care of it, right.
So then they had to change.
Not just you changed, they hadto change, and they don't like

(38:51):
that.
And and I think the other thingis often too, is and I struggle
with that still to this day youknow how when, as a woman, you
maybe say too long, you say yes,and then, when the no comes,
you're so at wit's end that itmaybe comes out aggressive
instead of from a place of ofgroundedness.

(39:12):
And so when I discovered thatfor myself, because a lot of
people say to me well, connie,you're so aggressive and I'm
like I don't mean to beaggressive, but then I realized
I come across aggressive becauseI wait too long.
And so now when I'm actuallymore intentional, I come across
assertive more than aggressive,right, like grounded in me.

(39:34):
Thanks for asking, but no, thatdoesn't work for me.
Thanks for asking, but no, I'mnot doing this.
Thanks for asking, no, you know, and if, if I can come from
this more calm place instead ofthe?
I'm so overwhelmed with you.
You already asking again andI'm really getting frustrated.
I think they accept it easiertoo.

(39:55):
I agree.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (39:56):
I cannot agree more.
I could talk to you all day.
I love the way you think, Ilove what you do, so people need
to go to IamKonigraffcom.

Conny Graf (40:09):
Right, no, conniegraphcom, it's just
ConnieGraphcom.
Yes, and the handle onInstagram where I'm most is I am
ConnieGraph, okay that's right,Because ConnieGraph was taken
already.
I don't know who dared to justtake my handle but they did.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (40:22):
I know that's right.
Okay, so ConnieGraphcom, andthen I am ConnieGraph on
Instagram and Facebook and stufflike that.

Conny Graf (40:28):
Yeah, and thread All of book and stuff like that.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (40:29):
yeah, and all of you and I'm sure you work
with men too, but girls, I mean,I'm telling you, I think women
just need more help becausewe've just had so much stuff
expected of us by society.
And when you start really beinglike I am gonna take care of my
piece, I am, and you know, Ididn't really learn how to do
that until I was in my 50sies.

Conny Graf (40:52):
And.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (40:52):
I see these young girls and they're doing
everything and they're strungout and they're like all that
and I was like, no, I know I waswith you.
So I think I just feel like Imean, I don't know.
Once I realized what I neededto do and I thought, man, I wish
I would have done this in mythirties.
Yeah, I wish I would have, likeyou know, took more time,

(41:14):
instead of just being like, oh,whatever you need, and now it's
like okay, I got it now, but ifyou're young 20, 30, 40, anyone
you need to work on your piecetoday, so you'll just have
you'll have a better life.

Conny Graf (41:25):
Agreed, agreed, agreed.
And you know, it's like when Iwas younger, I wasn't that way
either.
I think it also comes with lifeexperience that we're starting
to realize OK, this doesn't work, we have to change Right.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (41:40):
And also I think it takes, I mean, I don't
know, I'm just, I'm from theMidwest, so just like I know, in
the Midwest it's hard, it justfor girls and moms and you know
whatever just to say no, justfor girls and moms, and you know
whatever, just to say no, Iguess not even that we don't
want to do the thing, but thenthat thing on top of that thing,
on top of that thing, and thenyou get to bed two in the

(42:00):
morning and then you'reexhausted for three days.
I feel like.
I feel like it's sort of bredinto us.
Just we have to do everythingand I, for me, I didn't
recognize it until I got into my50s.
Actually, I started podcasting,I started listening to people
like you and I started readingmore books, not self-help about
business, but like about myselfand then I was like, oh man, I'm

(42:23):
such a people pleaser and I doeverything.
I do this, I do that.

Conny Graf (42:26):
I'm not going to do that anymore.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (42:28):
So I feel like I mean I don't know.
I mean I don't know.
I mean for me, I didn't startlooking for my own peace until I
was older.
And I tell my daughters now I'mlike, listen, you guys are in
your 30s, get your peace now,have your things.
You have your work, have yourlife, have your peace.
Like, put those things and dothat now, because you will have

(42:49):
a happier life.
Yeah, yeah, and my daughter, myone daughter, ala, my, my
daughter I was, I was raised hertwice 13 till I married bill.
That girl's like listen, no, um, this day I'm going here, on
this day I'm doing that.
If you ask her for something,she's like nope, these are my
things, I'm doing my things.
And like, every day she hassomething, that time it is, and

(43:10):
sometimes it's like skating orwhatever she's doing, and she's
like, nope, not gonna do that,I'm taking care of my piece.
And then I'm like part of me islike girl and the other part's
like you go girl, yeah yeah, Igotta tell you that, so go.
But then it's like you can't sayno to me.

Conny Graf (43:27):
Yeah, exactly I taught you the piece.
Yeah, no, but the best thingyou can do is actually like
support them right and find,find a little slot somewhere
where they actually help you dowhat you want them to do, right,
yeah, my husband's opposite.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (43:44):
He'll just drop anything, drop off the
grandkid, what he does, anythinghe wants, and he's exhausted
every night.
I'm like dude, I don't want tosay no to people.
I'm like, all right, well, youknow, yeah, I've talked to him
and talked to'm.
Like dude, I just want to sayno to people I'm like all right.
Well, you know, yeah, I'vetalked to him and talked to him
like I can't talk to him aboutit anymore, because then it's
like you know, I'm the bickeringwife and it's like you do you,
but here's what I'm doing, soI'm not doing that with you.
So when you commit to this forthe next two days, I'm not doing

(44:06):
it.
I'm like I'm not hard to getalong with.
I'm standing my ground,controlling my peace.
So I love what you do.
I love everything about you, um, and, and all of you, you're
gonna love listening to this andjust go find her, check her out
, get on her site, find her andif you are having I want some

(44:30):
chaos to peace, this is yourgirl, because, especially for
the I mean men too, I know it,but especially for the women, it
takes us too long I feel liketo finally start finding our
peace.
And don't wait, like me, untilmy 50s.
Do it now, in your 20s and 30s.
You'll have a better life.

Conny Graf (44:49):
Agreed.
Yeah, I agree totally.
Thank you, Duann, and so happythat you did find your peace and
your way right, Because that isimportant too.
It's like it doesn't matterwhen, it is that you found it.
That's my belief.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (45:05):
Yeah, it is.
I think I had it right before.
I was ready to have a nervousbreakdown from all the stuff I
was doing.
I was like I can't do thisanymore, and then I was like you
know what.
I'm just not going to.

Conny Graf (45:14):
That's it, so all right Do you have a last parting
word, yeah?
So I just want to encouragepeople really to take a moment,
take a breather and find theirpeace in their day, every day.
We often can just do by justthree deep breaths is already
bringing some peace in our life.

(45:35):
Right the minute we startbringing more peace in our life,
that peace will ripple, have aripple effect out.
It will have an effect on yourloved ones, on your family, on
your children, on your littlecommunity, your neighborhood,
and we all can use more peace inour life.
So let's start with us and giveit to ourselves and then to our

(45:56):
family.

Dwan Bent-Twyford (45:57):
There you have it Best advice of the day.
All right, thank you so muchfor being a guest.
I really I love your heart andeveryone.
We'll see you back next week,same bat time, same bat channel.
And remember that the truth isin the red letters.
All right, everybody.
Ciao.
Thank you, connie, thanks somuch Bye.
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