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June 9, 2023 • 14 mins
"Private Eye" is a thrilling and hilarious episode from the Bumperpodcast, an improvised comedy podcast set in the colorful world of Coffee-Can Alley. In this episode, Natty Bumpercar and Aloysius J. Pig encounter a Private Eye who is grappling with their own identity struggles. However, despite their personal challenges, the Private Eye agrees to lend a hand and help the duo track down the elusive Sir Reginald to retrieve the equipment needed for their podcast. "Private Eye" captures the essence of the Bumperpodcast, showcasing its ability to blend comedy and adventure in a whimsical setting. This episode will have you on the edge of your seat, eagerly awaiting each hilarious revelation and unpredictable turn of events. So buckle up and join Natty Bumpercar, Aloysius J. Pig, and the enigmatic Private Eye on their quest to recover their podcasting equipment and bring laughter back to the airwaves of Coffee-Can Alley. You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We're here and we're listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar
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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Natty Bumpercar (00:04):
Feeling mighty aimless like

Aloysius J. Pig (00:06):
your stout toe. I'm feeling pretty shameless
like about a toe. Ah,

Natty Bumpercar (00:11):
don't think I am blameless. Man. Less less.

Aloysius J. Pig (00:14):
Yep, all of this is making me feel stress,
stress stress who's? Oh, now?This is where things usually go
off the rails.

Natty Bumpercar (00:22):
Hello?

Private Eye (00:23):
Who would order some pizza pie? What? In the
Huckleberry hound Who Have youordered a pizza? Pizza Pie? You
call me up for the pizza pie? Ohbrah Jada pizza pie. i i I don't
know what's happening right now.

Natty Bumpercar (00:39):
I've no one here ordered any pizza pie and I
don't recognize you and

Private Eye (00:45):
you don't recognize me. It's me. The private

Aloysius J. Pig (00:50):
time natty I swear to you. If I can get to
the door. I would leave rightnow. I do not understand what is
happening. There. Usually a lotof shenanigans here at the
bumper podcast headquarterswherever we are. Yeah, but this
is a little bit overboard. Whois this? Dude?

Natty Bumpercar (01:04):
I don't know. I think Did you say you were a
private private?

Private Eye (01:09):
Yes, I did say that. I am not a private guy.
I'm the private guy. I'm inprivate. I'm via private die.
Oh,

Natty Bumpercar (01:18):
okay. Okay. i Okay. Okay. I see what's
happening here. Like, like,Okay,

Aloysius J. Pig (01:25):
can I do a little splaining? Because I
don't I don't know what's Idon't know. You can maybe tell
me you tell me because I'm here.

Natty Bumpercar (01:32):
I've been feeling terrible that we haven't
had a podcast forever becauseSir Reginald stole everything.
And last week, you guys seemedreally sad. And so I was like, I
gotta get everything back. Igotta I gotta fix this. And I
gotta make it right. And Ididn't know what to do. And so I
actually went I found YellowPages what a Yellow Pages. What

Aloysius J. Pig (01:49):
are you talking about? Yeah, I

Natty Bumpercar (01:51):
forget. You're young. So yellow pages before
there was phones, iPhones andcomputers and Google and all
this stuff. If we wanted to findsomeone, if we wanted to, like
find anything, you had to gointo a telephone book?

Aloysius J. Pig (02:07):
What do you mean is like a book in the shape
of a telephone? Or is it like,is it look like? Like a, like
one of my mobile phones? Likewhen like that? No, no, no. A
wait. And

Natty Bumpercar (02:16):
where did you get to move we? Whose head are
you on? Are you on? Is it tofigure that out? No, it was just
a book, like a regular book thatyou would look through with
words. And it was all inalphabetical order. And there
were people like with theirnames and their telephone
numbers and addresses addresses.And then it was also there was a

(02:36):
section called the yellow pageswhere they would have businesses
and stuff so you could findthem.

Aloysius J. Pig (02:40):
Oh, not this sounds torturous this as it's
just how did anybody getanything done? I mean, at this
point, I have a hard time goingfrom the couch to the
refrigerator to to get a nicebeverage, you know, it's a lot
of effort for me. What I like todo is I look at my phone, and I
say, hey, telephone came out andit's like, what can I do for you

(03:04):
pig and then you're doing it
but I say that phrase, and thenI say please deliver me a nice
delicious beverage to the couch.And that's really it's magic is
practice basically I live in Ilive in Magic World Magic land
if you will.

Natty Bumpercar (03:22):
I guess so. Right. You're basically a pig
wizard

Private Eye (03:29):
long enough and I feel like you're ignoring him.
So I'm gonna say hello. Wait,

Aloysius J. Pig (03:36):
it's still it's voice has changed. We see a real
voice can you what is what? Whatis your name? What is your
business? What are you doing?Well, people going man, that
private i but you can call me piwe're gonna call you pi like
like,

Natty Bumpercar (03:54):
i e why don't I private? I get pie. I do not
understand.

Aloysius J. Pig (04:00):
So pi is basically I mean it's just your
Take whatever you want. You canhave a savory pie. Or you can
have like a delicious fruit. Ilike talking

Natty Bumpercar (04:12):
about him. I was talking about him. Oh, you
were talking about not aboutactual pies but

Aloysius J. Pig (04:16):
yeah, okay, I get it all right. I got
confused. I'm hungry if I'mgonna be honest. Yeah. Okay.
Okay. Ready as you are.

Natty Bumpercar (04:22):
Okay. Thank you. So, what is p i e private?
i What is the Aysen for

Private Eye (04:28):
you got the private through got the eye the eye
stands for incredulousincredible Oh, cube. Oh, no, no,
no, no intelligent. No, this isall the AI words.

Natty Bumpercar (04:41):
I mean, it feels like you haven't fully
flesh out your character andthat's fine. But the I I'm just
I'll call you pi or private.

Aloysius J. Pig (04:51):
I'm just gonna call you private is kind of
ridiculous. So my other questionprivate eye is Wait, your voice
is very strange. Is that yourreal voice? Is it some sort of
an act?

Private Eye (05:05):
Hold on while I take off my gas? Oh, look at me.
No.

Natty Bumpercar (05:10):
Now you look like the person in the picture
now I recognize Yeah, okay.Yeah, Aloysius, this is the guy
that I called. Okay, now hecomes very well reviewed. Was
that nice? So, you know, I guessI'm gonna have to trust you.

Aloysius J. Pig (05:29):
Okay. So my other question fine now we know
who he is but the voice thatthat seems it? I don't know.

Private Eye (05:37):
You talking about my voice? That's because I am a
master. Okay. All language arts

Natty Bumpercar (05:47):
I've I guess I could see how that comes in
handy in your line of work,especially with the whole
costume saying,

Unknown (05:57):
Hey, would you like to hear my Russian voice

Aloysius J. Pig (06:03):
is really embarrassing nagging

Private Eye (06:05):
from the mothers? I'm from Russia. No, no, you
know, okay. Let me help you out.Okay,

Natty Bumpercar (06:14):
that's terrible. Like that's really not
good.

Private Eye (06:18):
I don't find the roads a dialect. But now you
want to you're going to hear myFrench? My French my French
voice Hold on one second. Ah, nofriends. No, you're

Natty Bumpercar (06:33):
no, no one

Private Eye (06:35):
day, Tuesday, Wednesday,

Aloysius J. Pig (06:38):
Thursday, days of the week. Listen, pi. Can you
I these voices are terrible andborderline problematic. Can you
please just what is your Can youtalk to us in your normal?
Whatever your normal voice isthis? You know, like, we're just
three people hanging out in aroom and then you're going to

(06:59):
just talk to us. Okay, are yousure that you want

Natty Bumpercar (07:03):
to absolutely 100% 1000 million 100% We're
sure please just talk to us andyou're

Aloysius J. Pig (07:12):
now just now. So yeah, okay, this is that was
I actually made my skin like Iskin is crawling. Like I feel
like somebody just threw coldwater. I mean,

Private Eye (07:30):
a lot of people they say voices off putting
10 No, no, I can't disagree with

Natty Bumpercar (07:40):
I am hesitant to do this. But I also I have
goose bumps and you know, youtalk how you talk and that's
totally fine. You should beproud of how you who you are and
how you talk. But maybe could wejust do like a toned down
version of the pizza man thatwhen you first came in, I think

(08:03):
that would be maybe okay with
with me.

Private Eye (08:06):
Oh, here we go.

Aloysius J. Pig (08:08):
Okay, thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

Private Eye (08:10):
Tell me if this is okay.

Natty Bumpercar (08:13):
It seems better. But just you don't have
to do like the the affectationslike the tele me if you could
just say tell me and I thinkwe'll be okay with that.

Private Eye (08:22):
We'll work on it. It's difficult. All right, cool.
My characters down I've spent alifetime building them. Okay.
You

Aloysius J. Pig (08:34):
sound you sound like a little bit like a robot
in Sicily, which is okay. Youknow, Sicily? What? Yeah. What
did you What did you hire thisprivate eye for?

Natty Bumpercar (08:45):
So when we were at our storage unit, and Sir
Reginald came, and he cleanedall of our podcasting equipment.
That was like a while ago, andwe haven't been able to do the
bumper podcast. And in theory, Ihave exciting news that's coming
up. But it's not going to happenif I don't have if we don't have

(09:07):
podcasting equipment. So we needto we need somebody to help us
because I've looked, I don'tknow how to find Sir Reginald,
you know,

Unknown (09:15):
I looked through the phonebook that you looked at the
phone book from like, 20 yearsago. And you didn't you didn't
come up. Did you? Set it down?alphabetical. Did you look into
sir, or Reginald Sir like whatdo you that? Era? Did snot gonna
work?

Private Eye (09:29):
Yeah, the phone book is a good D to

Natty Bumpercar (09:34):
get your you've become a real amalgam. I feel
like you've gotten lost in yourcharacters. You've you've you,
you're maybe embarrassed of howyou talk. And so you've created
all these other characters toexpress yourself. Yeah, that's
that's, that's rough. It is.

Private Eye (09:55):
Also part of No, I can't like It's really confused
me. I don't know how to talkanymore. My whole career is
ruined.

Aloysius J. Pig (10:10):
Yeah. You know what a lot of people who come on
this podcast say the exact samething. They're like, Oh, I was
doing so good in my career andthen I got booked on the bumper
podcast and then all of a suddenthe phones stopped ringing the
doors stopped knocking thatpeople stopped coming and
everything no light coming sowhen I get there there's

Natty Bumpercar (10:31):
there's so many people who have been on the
podcast who have just explodedinto fame into the stratosphere
into the universe. They've justgone on to be

Aloysius J. Pig (10:40):
Could you name one yes. One made okay.

Natty Bumpercar (10:45):
One peanut Lou. Was he was in commercial for one
of those those beds that canlike in like, lift up from the
back, remember that? It was likea cat bed and it would lift and
it would get hot and cold andeverything. Yes, see, pig he. He

(11:09):
knows pretty bad.

Aloysius J. Pig (11:11):
I totally forgot about 30 beds. What was
their tagline? No, they'll howthey'll have you feeling feline?
Feline. Fine. Yes. All right,her baby beds. Feline fine.

Natty Bumpercar (11:25):
It was a lot of wordplay a lot of puns. He did
great in that commercial.Anyway, back to the task at
hand. We need our podcastequipment. Private Eye over here
is obviously a master ofdisguise and different
characters and hopefully has thedetective skills to do exactly
what we need so that we can getthe show back on the road.

Aloysius J. Pig (11:47):
You sounded like you were doing the build to
the end of the podcast so
it would end right it broke butyou did you missed it by like 40
seconds just all right. Yeah, so
try harder. Look at the clock.Yes, so private. I you're gonna
you're gonna do this for us.You're gonna find Sir Reginald,
are you going to help us get thebumper podcast back together?

Private Eye (12:08):
Incredibly lucky that I'm gonna take this case on
and we're gonna start on thebasket of coffee cane howling

Aloysius J. Pig (12:23):
voices like the ghost of a marshmallow that fell
into a vat of honey that thatwas that was eaten by a sloth.

Outro (12:42):
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp
with Natty Bumpercar and some ofhis pals. It is family friendly,
clean and ridiculous. Thanks abundle for listening. If you
love our show, and you'd like tohelp support the podcast, check
out our Patreon page at httpscolon forward slash forward
slash www.patreon.com forwardslash Natty Bumpercar also

(13:08):
pretty please subscribe whereveryou get your podcasts, share it
with everyone everywhere. postabout it on all of the social
medias or leave a rating andreview. The bumper podcast is
produced at headquarters incoffee Ken alley. It's recorded
mixed and produced by producer.The bumper podcast features
contributions from Aloysius jpgRufus T Rufus doodle poodle,

(13:33):
robot trunks and a gaggle ofother silly rascals. Our head
talker is probably NattyBumpercar. We also have an
absurd newsletter. Check it outand subscribe at Natty
bumpercar.com/subscribe Also,you can follow me on Instagram
and Twitter at Natty BumpercarHugs and hearts See you soon.

NonPro (14:01):
This has been a non productive media presentation,
executive producer Frank Blaue.This program and many others
like it on the nonproductivenetwork is distributed under a
Creative Commons Attribution noncommercial no derivatives
license, please share it but askbefore trying to change it or
sell it. For more informationvisit non dash productive.com
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