Intimacy From The Inside Out with John Palmer

On today’s episode I’m joined by John Palmer, a certified IFS practitioner and lead trainer in Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO). John brings 30 years of experience working with individuals and couples to explore how IFIO applies the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS) to intimate relationships.

We discuss relational dynamics, including the concept of tracking sequences, differentiation, and how past experiences influence present connections.

Key Takeaways:

• IFIO uses IFS principles to help individuals and partners explore relational dynamics and improve communication.

• Differentiation is the ability to stay connected to your own system while maintaining connection with your partner, even during conflict.

• How protectors and exiles show up in relational dances

• The importance of taking responsibility for one’s own parts in a relationship while remaining open to connection with a partner

• How practicing Self-Led communication can transform conflict into opportunities for healing and growth.

• How do past experiences shape the way we respond to our partners in the present?

• Tracking sequences in relationships reveals the protective cycles that keep partners stuck and highlights the underlying vulnerabilities driving conflict.

Favorite Quote:
"There's actually some vulnerability under there that's driving this dance. And if we can learn how to help the protectors trust enough of Self to let that vulnerability emerge and be looked at and healed, then the protectors don't have to do what they do anymore." – John Palmer​

About John Palmer:
John Palmer is a certified IFS practitioner, IFIO lead trainer, and couples therapist with three decades of experience. He integrates IFS with systemic relational approaches to help individuals and partners build stronger, more compassionate connections.

Episode Sponsor: IFS Institute

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Jeff Schrum co-produces The One Inside Podcast. He is a writer, counselor, and IFS Level 1 practitioner.  

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Tammy is grateful for Jack Reardon who created music for the podcast. Jack is a graduate of Derek Scott’s IFS Stepping Stones Program.  

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