The Gown, The Town, and the TikTok Apocalypse

Alex Kauffmann has resumed his role as principal moderator of ‘The Listeners Chair’, reclaiming the central chair from which audience questions are drawn. These are then picked apart and reframed within environmental contexts to tease out wider significance.

Lilly, from Summertown, Oxford, England sets the first question - “Should Oxford colleges open up more of their greenspaces to the wider population and tourists, or is it ok to keep them private and it is only the poor driving the move as they want some of what the rich have? Some people actually attending the college don’t even get to see some of the private internal areas. I heard it said opening up threatens students GDPR protection, and that students don’t really want to be disturbed. The Town and Gown rivalry still lives on, and the university often gets bad press. People often forget there are two universities in Oxford”.

Stuart, forever Lily’s “expert” after one fateful consultation, swears they’re basically besties—especially now she’s firing off another sly jab at the critic who dared to be dismissive back then.

He digresses into the “sleeve Olympics,” where longer gown fabric apparently equals status. Then, like a city tour guide, he sketches a divide between the postcard-perfect centre and “real Oxford,” the suburbs where life actually happens.

Alex, all cynicism, scoffs that locals couldn’t care less about polished lawns—they’re strictly tourist bait. William, sounding like the tourist board, notes that plenty of colleges open their gates—sometimes free for residents—though all the quads blur together: same stones, same chapels.

Back with Stuart, who moans these patches are so tiny you’d wreck your shoes circling them—and forget walking on grass.

Alex delivers his verdict: if dons don’t stroll freely, neither should tourists. William agrees students do deserve their hush-hush study sanctuaries, but insists that visitors tread as reverently as in a cathedral.

Luna, San Hose Del Cabo, Mexico brings the next question - “I see the biggest threats to humanity outside of the multiple climate related issues as truth distortion, feral social media and runaway AI. What do you think?”

Stuart resets by clarifying that “threats to humanity” means existential doom, not oat‑milk prices. He drops the wisdom of belly‑button gazing: stare too long and all you get is fluff, not enlightenment. Translation? Stop spiraling—take action, even if it’s just colour‑coding your apocalypse survival kit alphabetically.

Alex wonders whether “threats” means asteroids or endless propaganda. William connects social media, AI, and collapsing truth like red string on a board, warning not to trust any single source.

Alex, ever the optimist, claims independent news influencers are thriving, which he counts as hopeful. He advises we stop fretting constant climate doom, since total self‑destruction is unlikely. His news tip? “News Daddy,” a TikTok oracle free of corporate spin.

William closes with the mic‑drop: the gravest threat to humanity is “believing our own bullshit.” Hard to argue with that—now hand me the navel fluff.

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