EPISODE 188 - TRADING PLACES and FATMAN - The Podcast on Haunted Hill

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
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The Podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

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And I am here to do the devil's work. I saw this, Michael. Be one of us.

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hello and welcome to the podcast on haunted hill episode 188 don't be late my name is gav you're quite great my name is dan
Dan the man. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas, indeed. I'm going to come down your chimney. I'm coming down Dan's chimney. I'm going to come down Sarah's chimney. I'm coming down all of y'all's chimney.

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He's going to unload his sack. And I'm going to place it everywhere. He's going to fill your stockings up. Every Christmas. Seven years now.
He's going to have white stuff all in his mouth and it's not going to be eggnog. We've done these bad jokes. We have. Jingle, jingle, jangle. It's going to keep going, guys. Every Christmas. Is it like a Christmas tradition? Did you say seven years?

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Yes. Yeah, it's nine, no, no. Oh, sorry. Is it eight? No. Oh, God, no. I'm thinking of me and Sarah. Me and Sarah have seven years. I do apologise. We're a little bit more than that, aren't we?
Yes, this is our 12-year anniversary of recording. That's a bit weird. Yes, so, very special episode. Obviously, our Christmas episodes.

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Halloween episodes and our birthday episodes all our episodes are special just like us but our Christmas episodes are always a special one because we first ever recorded
12 years ago at Christmas, we covered Rare Exports and Jack Frost, not the Michael Keaton one, for those of you that know that film.
and yeah we didn't know what people would think and 12 years later we're still recording um yeah i worked out i put a post up the other day i worked out it's been almost 400 film reviews

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um obviously 188 this is but we have done over 200 episodes if you count all the bonus material and little extras and point fives we've done and music mixes so it's over 200 episodes really 400 film reviews
thousands and thousands and thousands of downloads and streams um and i can't even begin to tell you how many hours worth of research and film watching and

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planning and me working on silly little spreadsheets about our schedule and you editing stuff and this that and the other you know so yeah um it's it's pretty special thank you gav
for doing this with me for 12 years. Thank you, Daniel-san. We've lasted longer than a lot of marriages and a lot of relationships. You lasted longer than my marriage.

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straight in there um sorry she doesn't she doesn't listen um she never did anyway anyway it's christmas i'm a grinch um so uh yeah
thank you to everybody that supported us whether you recently found us and you're you're watching you're listening now only recently or whether you've stuck with us right from the very start yeah let me tell you so that first year worth of episodes were probably technically not great

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We didn't really find our feet until probably the second or third year of podcasting, really. But now it is like a finely tuned, well-oiled, lubricated machine that just runs.
That's what Alice calls me. A well-oiled donkey. A looped-up donkey, she calls me. I don't want to know why. Well, it's a long story. That's a bedroom talk.

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It's Christmas. It's Christmas time. It's anniversary. Has everybody got fed up of the supermarket songs about Christmas?
I heard the worst Christmas song I've ever heard the other day, and I think it's a new one. It's by Kylie Minogue.
And I don't mind a bit of Kylie. No, no, I just said this to Sarah Delft. I said, Can't Get You Out Of My Head's a really good song. From a producer and a DJ standpoint, it's actually really good to mix with.

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So it's actually quite good. And, you know, I shouldn't be so lucky. She's got a Christmas song which goes, X-M-A-S, it's Christmas time, X-M-A-S. And I just think, no, that's shit. Yeah.
Yeah. So there we go. But yeah, Merry Christmas, Gav. I've been eating lots of mince pies over the last couple of weeks and lots of chocolate.

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It's almost too much chocolate, really. Chocolate milk. I've been drinking as well. I have got here, actually, which I picked up. I might have it later on while we record. I've got my...
A little Mars bar hot chocolate. Oh, sexy. Yeah, so I might bang that out later.

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Anyway, listeners, I hope everyone's safe in the world. We won't just blah, blah, blah, as me and Dan like to do. We're like, let's start early, and we talked for an hour before we started recording. We did, we did.
It's Christmas time and I'm feeling sexy and fresh. Part of the reason for that is I got an early Christmas present from my wife.

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I think a couple of reasons are you showered and you're wearing crotchless panties. Don't tell the listener. Fresh and sexy. Yes, I'm currently using my brand new... microphones part of my new recording setup um so i have a yeti blue mic or blue yeti mic and

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It's changed my world. My wife bought me that for Christmas, but she's given it to me early because she knew we were recording our Christmas special. Yay! Thanks, Alice.
so that's cool and i've got my fancy headphones on which i've always had sort of anyway so that i'm just feeling good i also got a set of tools so i feel like tom hanks and the burbs
um a nice set of new screwdrivers and tools from alice and some fancy aftershave so you've got all christmas prints already yes because we're going away for christmas oh right okay it's gonna save loading the car up because

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The car will already be loaded up with what Santa's giving the children, of course. Yeah, of course. So you don't get any thanks, Dad. It's like, oh, thanks for Christmas. He's amazing. Dad, you suck. We actually are giving them...
um some presents when we get back where we're keeping back yeah to the two big ones which is a giant golden grandparents anyway yeah and a giant garage for jack so those will be when they get back from mummy and daddy um

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It's a weird one. It's a weird one going away. I'm not sure how I feel about it going away. I'm sure I'll have a good time. So yeah, that's cool. And I've been watching lots of Christmas films. I've watched a few things. I did Home Alone the other day, which was really just fun to watch again.
you watch your home loans yeah and i said that guy i said i was just explaining home loan to because she does quite like film she's slowly getting around to it and she actually now listens to me when i tell her stuff and it goes in she thinks about and i was like well that guy's

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And I said, the funny thing about this movie is that he's not yet. He normally plays a gangster. What do you mean? So I went on YouTube. The first thing I found was just Joe Pesci just shanking someone to death.
And she's like, oh, yeah, I see more in. Because Daisy's sort of cool like that. What have you been up to, Dan? Well, I haven't really been up to an awful lot other than preparing for Christmas, you know, working.

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As you know, Gav, you know, when you've got children, it's literally you finish work and then it's straight into dad mode. So it's been difficult. But what has been great about the last month or so is I have got out of that habit of going to bed at 9pm.
So I've actually got myself a bit of an evening again, most evenings. So I'm kind of double billing Christmas films every day. I watch something with the kids straight after school. So we've done Home Alone 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. We've done...

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We've done all the sort of kids ones that you can do, really. They really like the Jim Carrey Grinch. That's probably one of their favourites. And Jack really likes them.
a nightmare before christmas because it's got jack skellington in it you know when you're when you hear your own name in a film you know you love it um uh but i've managed to watch a few adult films as well i watched um one of our playboy

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Penthouse. Let me rephrase that. I've watched a few Christmas films that are more intended for adults. Do you like the way when you said adult, I said it old school? Playboy and Penthouse because that's old school. Razzle.
I'm watching an adult video. I completely knew what you meant. Yeah, so I've watched... I re-watched Rare Exports the other day, which is just great. I re-watched...

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Jack Frost, again, not the Michael Keaton one. It's a terrible film and I don't know why, but every few years I'm drawn to it. I rewatched Jingle All The Way on my own because I love that film.
one of the best ones I've watched every year since we saw it at the cinema 10 years ago with our buddy RJ is Better Watch Out which is great but

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But the main one I wanted to talk about very quickly before we move on to stuff you've been watching and doing is Die Hard. Because I watched it only last night, actually. But it's been the talk of the town in our house with my kids.
and the reason for that is my father-in-law bought me a nakatomi plaza um advent calendar which i know i've sent a picture of you two with hans gruber starts off at the top and every day you move him down

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24, 23, 22, all the way down till he gets to, you know, the bottom. So every day they come down to the stairs and they're like, Daddy, the man's almost hit the ground. That means it's not only Christmas.
And Jack said to me the other day, I can't wait for that man to go splat on the ground so that it's Christmas time. And they've asked when they can watch this film about the man that falls out of a building. And I've sort of penciled in roughly.

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Maybe when you're 15.
i'll sort of come back to this when you're about 10 to 12 and see how you're doing you'll be able to let watch it with them when they're like 10 you don't have to worry about that it's diehard for god's sake and he's jack's like is it got bad words and i said yeah it's got very bad words in it
And there are people that get hurt in there. What you think and what's going to happen is a totally different thing, I'll tell you that. You'll be like, you've seen lots worse. Yeah, I've seen bad ends on YouTube. Not that my kids have seen bad ends. But they are so desensitized. I show...

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elijah so this is a bit it's a bit graphic though this and everyone goes it's not and just walks off like right okay so so that's the talk of the town in our house for some reason
two four-year-olds who are really excited to watch Die Hard. I need to wrap my presents still, and I do like to watch Sint when I wrap my presents. I don't know why. I'm going to be watching that. I just like a bit of dick mass at Christmas.

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Who doesn't? Dick Mass at Christmas. I will be watching that if I can squeeze that one in. I still haven't watched National Lampoons. That's one I watch every year as well. I know we do it on Christmas Day. Christmas Eve, sorry. I told you what I watched.
decorated the tree with deck the halls on in the background i like it um um i tried to do every christmas day night but i won't be with sarah until boxing day so i'll be watching black christmas boxing day night

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Yeah, I want to do that as well. How's another Christmas one to watch? Can't remember. I'm skipping Gremlins this year. I'm going to... I feel like I've seen a lot of it. I'm doing Gremlins on this Sunday. It's already planned. Yeah, I probably will...
i might end up watching it you never know but um i'm thinking of skipping it this year and like doing it next year maybe because i feel like there's some films i just do every year and i'm like i could skip it this year and watch something i'd never seen um which i have i did watch one film

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Christmas film the other day that I'd never seen before. A queer Australian Christmas horror film. Okay. Called...
carnage for christmas oh i thought it was called a queer australian horror film i thought that was the title because i mean nowadays that is the sort of thing you know which could be yeah

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It would be great. It'd be like not another teen movie. Exactly. Not another queer Australian horror film. No, it's called Carnage for Christmas and it's about a transgender podcaster who...
um comes back to her hometown and there's a a killer on the loose in a santa outfit it's only an hour and nine minutes thank god it wasn't very good really i could see what they were trying to do with it and It's great to have a queer film out there.

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It just wasn't that great, to be honest with you. It was a bit boring. It was only an hour and nine minutes. That's the only new one I've watched this year, everything else. I see it in the cinemas, man. I'm not going to watch it. Well, I might do it in streaming, maybe. A Silent Night, Deadly Night remake is in the cinemas at the moment. And it's... Do you know who...
stars though is the main guy uh i don't know which makes me not want to watch it it's cory from halloween ends oh god it makes me think of halloween ends it makes me not want to watch it

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Well, I got the inside scoop on it because our buddy RJ, I spoke to him yesterday and he went to see it. And he said it's decent. He said it's a 90-minute slasher. Yeah, I'm sure it's fine.
and i said to him i tried to get the information out of him i said is it then is it a legacy sequel is it a because from the trailer it would appear that it might be a bit of a legacy sequel

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um it would appear it could even be like a soft reboot or a i don't know even a sequel but he wouldn't tell me which is great he's a good friend for that
Speaking of cinema, we're just chatting this now. I almost, with Sarah, went to watch The Kill Bill, The Whole Bloody Affair, which is both The Kill Bills in one put together. But then...

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us we both went i don't know that's like five hours of getting there sitting there for like four hours watching movie coming out which is fine but at the same time that's a lot of time it is you know time is hard now it's half a day i have seen
And Kill Bill 2 I always find really boring. I find it like...
Stephen King's It, like the 80s TV show, the first one's good and the second one's a bit boring. I find that would kill Bill. It basically jizzes its load all over the place with that massive fight sequence with all the people.

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And then it slows down. And then it goes really slow for the part two, which is a Tarantino thing to do because, you know, he's all Hollywood and that. Not that cliche Hollywood. I mean, he's very much into cinema, so something like that would be something I'm sure he's doing it for a certain reason, but it's just a bit like...
There's an additional animated sequence, isn't there? Apparently. Which I've seen. Right. And, yeah, okay, great. But I don't have the time to go and do five hours in the cinema. So, yeah. But...

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I did make a time for the cinema, even though it was my daughter's birthday. She said, no, go on, you go. And I was like, all right, cool. I actually tried to get her to come along, my kids, but it didn't work. They didn't come. I watched the 45th anniversary of The Shining in the cinema. Sarah's seen The Shining.
at Sindermal before and I hadn't um i don't think i've watched it on my projector either but it's really good watching it it's funny like i i go in there and it's like i wonder what sort of people in there so i'm by myself like because i'm a horror fan i'm a cinephile i like i like film you know

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so i'm gonna go by myself happily to the cinema to watch it and there's a couple other people by ourselves a couple of couples not many because wondering what sort of audience is coming for this and one guy came in is on my aisle as well excuse me
And I was just like, I looked at him and I was like, I never judge a book by his cover. I don't do it any sort of way whatsoever. But I was like, is this what people sort of think possibly? Like people go to watch Stephen King movies by themselves.

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are and he had like a fringe which is like gelled and he's had a comb he's combed it down and it's cut just above his eyebrows and i was just like you just i don't want to judge a book but you just look like you possibly have
gone and just killed a few people and they're locked up in your shed and you literally just pop down to watch Shining. I'm just saying, you know. But it's really good to put Shining on the screen.

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great clarity because i could i've got that point now i've watched movies many times i look at shots or scenes and i start looking at
the detail around and i look at other things and i take it all in and uh yeah i enjoyed it a lot it's a it's a good film it did do anything new for me for sure because i've had that a long time ago because you said recently you've discovered shining it's like oh my god it's a good movie

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I've always sort of known it, so it never did anything new to me. It was just nice to watch the performances again.
And just watch the acting and just a story be unfolding. I can imagine, and for anybody who didn't hear the last episode, by the way, I didn't just discover The Shining. What Gav means is...

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i've seen it multiple times but it was only on my last watch i realized what a masterpiece it is for some reason um and it was because i had the sound up and it was just so i was just about to say I should imagine it lends itself very well to a cinema because of the sound.
because of the scope of it. The scope of it. Every room just feels gigantic. And that's just when you're watching it on your big TV at home. But under cinema, it must have felt like that hotel was going to eat you up. It's funny. One other guy came in just because I went early and I sat down.

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I was like, cool, got me a cup of coffee, and I was a nurse to coffee. I finished my coffee, and the second time Jack Nixon has a coffee in a movie, I just finished my coffee. It was quite funny.
A random thing, that. Just about to start, though, a guy just walks in, sits down and goes, be quiet, please. No one was making noise, though. And two guys down in front of me were having popcorn. They looked at each other going, is that us?

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And then this other guy behind me rustled a bit. I was like, fucking don't. He's going to pull out an axe and start fucking chopping you up in a minute. I just want to watch the movie, everybody. So come on, let's all be good. And everyone was good. Everyone was good. But he just sat down and said, be quiet, please.
Okay. Very dangerous. Interesting. Yeah, it was just like, he wasn't saying it because anyone was making noise. He was saying it because he just wanted everyone to, look, this is Stanley Kubrick. Be fucking quiet, all right? All right, we're all here for the same thing.

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But yeah, it's really good. The opening, though, is the... With the camera, the helicopter flying over the car going up the hills. As soon as you get that, you're like, well, here we go. It's good. And it was cold outside, so it worked well.
Nice. So you enjoyed that? I did, I did. Yeah, a lot of the local cinemas around here and all around, actually, the UK are doing a lot of re-releases of, not that The Shonen is a Christmas film, but you could watch it this time of year.

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For £2. So if anybody has got a view cinema near them, you can go and watch Home Alone, Home Alone 2, Die Hard, a lot of Christmas films. They're just re-showing them for £2.
Oh, wow. I love Die Hard. Oh, I want to see Sarah on Boxing Day. Maybe I'll persuade her to go watch Die Hard. If you've got a view cinema, check it out. Honestly, it's like two pounds. That's the other Christmas movie I watch. Die Hard.

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God's sake. Of course. Of course. I'm going to be a school teacher now for everybody. I recently... There's this charity shop... Here we go. There's a charity shop down the road from me.
And they keep... I sent you a picture of all those Colombian Noir Blu-ray box sets I was picking up. 20 quid a pop. These box sets. I was like, I don't know these movies. I'm going to watch this. Columbia, the record label, film label, movie label, not...

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the country and it's a film a lot of these box sets are noir films a lot of sort of black and white certain very bright lights
you know contrasting shots and things anyway there's different rules to it to be in a while or not and i picked up those but then i went by the other day dan oh my god for years for years i have

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read about crimmies now everybody listening do you know what a crimmie is dan what's a crimmie is it slang for a criminal
Yeah, it is. In the 50s and 60s, Germany made their own films taking inspiration from American thrillers. They made their own films called Crimmies. Yeah.

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so it's kind of like an earlier it's like germ germany's answer to giallo but earlier yes it's the only genre that's its own style i haven't i probably have seen some but i couldn't name any but i am aware of absolutely right so like
as everyone knows this is where i'm gonna come from teacher friday the 13th is very much inspired by uh by um Bay of Blood which is Mario Bava Mario Bava is pretty much seen as the granddaddy of giallo films and Dario Argento would be the daddy

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I'm the daddy of shallow films. But then going past that, we go that day, but they were inspired by these German Krimi films. They're not black and white, but these are incredible. So guess what we're going to be doing, Dan? We're going to be.
doing a crimmy episode because we need to educate people which thing is though I picked up this box there which has got some great movies on it thing is though I looked up like I'm streaming that you just can't get it and there's nowhere these films are playing

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So even if you're just trying to probably legally download, I think you'd struggle. So it's...
problematic that we would we would review them but i think people struggle to get one they say to buy this particular box set which is a master of cinema series called the terror in the fog the wallace crimmy collection um
And two of the standout films, I haven't watched them all yet, but the fantastic was The Strangler of Blackmore Castle, which...

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just fantastic and great title and the mad executioners that was a really good film as well where these and it's that basically though they're all in english they made them so they pretending that they're set in england sometimes they did go to england film
some stuff like a tower bridge and then they film the rest of it in germany but they have people speaking in english like they're dubbed afterwards they were selling it as an english type movie but they're germany and they're made just after the second world war which is i find as we started sort of going in that way which i found quite interesting really

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they're doing that um yeah um fascinating box sets um uh i definitely recommend these films um like i said i've only seen a couple of them but they're just i can't really explain them
but just really beautiful visionary you know some of the best like mario barba type giallo films like really good imagery and stuff like that you look at these and go oh

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Not saying he got it from that, but he probably watched these. The Germans have that style. You've got to look at Metropolis and the German expressionism, the cabinet of Dr. Caligari. You've got to think, people have grown up...
watching that the filmmakers watch those films and like that expressionist art expression in germany in black and white then have gone on to take inspiration from american thrillers like hitchcock stuff like that yeah and gone and made their own films which are these classed as

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It's brilliant. Was the original Nosferatu German, if I'm correct? Am I getting that wrong? So yeah, they were making those type of films. There's another great one called The Gollum.
Der Gollum, a German film. Yeah, that's right. Which is great as well. Yeah, so I'd be interested to see those. It's the 1960s, sorry, 1960s. 60s, is it, yeah. So, around the sort of hammer time, really. They're like, they're like, if Mario Barber...

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came to england and made a hammer movie in black and white really stylish hammer movie almost excellent i can't i can't honestly i can't uh big these films up enough um
really really good movies but i just want to talk about also very quickly i want to talk about very quickly before we get into the full episode i bumped into i didn't bump into him he was at a convention but i went over and talked to him as craig charles you did

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um only reason i'm bringing this up now is because we uh just after halloween we released our ghost watch episode which obviously craig charles is the
the presenter who's out on the streets outside being a cheeky chap. And I ended up chatting to him very quickly and didn't talk to him too much about it because it's the trouble of these conventions. They have people paying to talk to them.

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And I always just kind of hustle my way in. Now, I did say something, can I get a selfie from a podcast page from a podcast listeners? And he's like, oh, he looked at the guy next to him and I'd love to, but I've just been told off about it. And then he put his hand out for me to shake, which I thought was very generous.
of him so give Craig Charles a shout out anyway nice one Craig thanks mate very quickly we've had some terrible news in the film world

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Beloved director Rob Reiner has been murdered. Yeah. Now, when I first heard this story of him and his wife, Michelle...
both find dead i thought well this is like the gene hackman thing all over again you know yeah because because you said to me a bit of sort of wig it wasn't it's not as weird really his son well yeah well it was it got weird when they noticed it was his son and then they said that his son

(26:08):
stabbed them both and slit both their throats um yeah and then you've got to throw the truth the bit i meant when i said to you this is getting weird is the whole trump stuff that's linked to it now because rob reiner really spoke out against trump
Yeah, Trump, I don't know why. He said something, didn't he? Yeah, he dissed him. Like, the day after he died, completely dissed him. Now everybody's defending Rob Reiner. He's obviously no longer with us anymore.

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But Rob Reiner, for anyone who doesn't know, had an incredible run of films. He was still making films. He did some acting as well. But he made Spinal Tap in 1984. He did another movie in 1985. Hello, Cleveland!
Then he did another movie in 85. Then in 86, he did Stand By Me, a Stephen King adaptation. Then the following year, he did The Princess Bride, which is my favorite movie of all time. Then he did...

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The following year, he did When Harry Met Sally, which is a beloved rom-com, you know, very iconic. Quite versatile, because he obviously did Misery as well, so he's very versatile. Then the following year, he did Misery.
And then two years after that, he did A Few Good Men. Sarah and I only watched that, not last summer, summer photos on Prime, and it's a Sunday afternoon, and I was like, should we watch this? Yeah, go on then. And watched it, and it's like, wow, what a good film. Yeah.

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So he did a whole bunch of movies after this, obviously, but he had that run from 84 through to 92. You can't handle the truth. You want the truth? So good.
But, you know, Stand By Me and Misery. We actually did a Rob Reiner episode for my birthday a long time ago where we covered those two Stephen King movies. They were both directed by Rob Reiner. So, rest in peace, Rob Reiner.

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not quite sure what's going on with his son i know he's currently in court and it looks like he's probably going to be convicted of murder and they're saying that he's got paranoid schizophrenia
But yeah, I just wanted to quickly mention that. Also talking of Hollywood, my favourite director of all time, Mr. Steven Spielberg, dropped a trailer for his... It was unnamed for quite a long time, and then they've announced the title of his movie coming out next year.

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which is about an alien invasion. Yeah. And it's called Disclosure Day. I wasn't very blown away by the trailer, to be fair.
Well, what's interesting about it is it doesn't give anything away, which is nice. Yeah. Which is very rare for a trailer these days. I almost didn't want to watch it, because I'd rather just go to cinema and watch it at Spielberg. What we can see from the trailer is that the government...

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are forced to give full disclosure on alien life forms ufos uaps because and we know that
interesting time it's kind of well this is it it's kind of coming along anyway really we are getting i mean the government are admitting that there are things out there that they cannot explain they're not saying they're aliens but they are saying they're unidentified

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aerial objects you know and there's things in the sea and then we've got this like 3i atlas and all the other stuff so it is interesting the other thing that's funny about it is that um obviously he did et and he did
Closing characters of the third kind. And that really opened people's eyes up to the idea of aliens and alien visits, you know, that kind of thing. He did Space Jaws as well.

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The unofficial, unofficial, uh, uh, sequel. I'd love to have seen that. He's in shock. He's in shock. He's in space. Yeah. Dave Jojo's riding him.
Amazing. But with this disclosure day coming out, there's a big sort of movement that's sort of saying, well, because he's one of the elite in Hollywood, the government are basically saying to him,

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get this movie out there and that will actually prepare people for some news that we've got coming in the next couple of years so so i don't know but either way it's a spielberg movie about alien invasions um
It's called Disclosure Day. It's not a very good title. It's a shit title. I saw a film called Disclosure a long time ago with Demi Moore about a blowjob and it wasn't anything to do with aliens and invasions. There was some probing going on, but it wasn't alien invasions.

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Fair enough. And there's one more thing for us to talk about. I've got one more movie.
oh great oh i should probably say you already know but we're covering trading places listeners i didn't say merry christmas we're covering trading places because that's a christmas movie um and it's quite dark i've realized
And we're also covering... Subject matters are interesting. We can actually have proper conversations, which is interesting. And we're covering it with a movie that Gav recommended to me a couple of years back, starring our friend Mel Gibson.

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basically playing a version of Riggs in some way, but he's actually Santa, and that is Fat Man from 2020. And if you take Christmas Carol, Santa Claus the movie, and John Wick, and mix them into one movie, that's what you get. So we'll be covering this. But...
My last thing to talk about before Gav's last thing is Stranger Things. Now, in our last episode, me and Gav were working our way through. I think you just finished your rewatch of all four seasons of Stranger Things.

(31:07):
And I was nowhere near watching it. But I did finish it the night after season five dropped. Or the first four episodes dropped. So I caught up. That was great. And then I watched.
the first four episodes of season five. So spoiler free, of course, because, you know, we've still got another three or four episodes to come out on Boxing Day and New Year's Day. Apart from Dustin comes across as almost like a fucking heroin addict.

(31:30):
Well, he's grieving. He's grieving his buddy. I know, but it's just the way he is and the way he looks as well. He looks like someone who wants a fix. Highlights of it are the final 20 minutes or so of
the the last episode of volume one which has got a brilliant wana in it but also i'm not i can't spoil it or talk about it but there is something that will blow everyone's mind

(31:52):
Unless you already kind of knew that's where I was going. I think I'm going to have to watch these new ones again before it drops again. Oh, wow. I won't have time, but I might try.
And then you've got Linda Hamilton in it as a mysterious doctor who's got a lab set up in the Upside Down.
And the stakes just seem a bit higher, and the acting is much better than when they were children. The budget is insane. I like it when they're kids, though.

(32:18):
yeah it was cute it was cute when they were kids playing dungeons and dragons and stuff but yeah season five has been brilliant i really hope they can stick the landing for the last few episodes and this will be a show that
some of the seasons were weaker than others. Season one and two were fantastic. I think I really liked three because of the setting in the shopping mall. Four, or was it four that was in the shopping mall? I can't remember.

(32:44):
The shopping mall one was good. I think it might have been four that wasn't as good. It went on quite a long time. But then you had that Kate Bush song in it. So, so watchable. So good. Yeah, it was good. Stranger Things. What's your last thing? Well, speaking of cute actors...
Klaus Kinski. I watched Werner Herzog's Fitzcarraldo. Have you ever seen this film?

(33:10):
because we're covering it from probably my next birthday episode you've never heard of this film it's up there with Sorcerer
It's a based artist. I can't go through the tension of something like that again. I've never seen Sorcerer before. I was so tempted. I thought I was going to have a heart attack going through that film. It was...
It's cinema. This is why I love Sarah. I said to her, this is why I love you. You love cinema. She's like, yeah, I'll watch it. So we subscribed to BFI because you can only get on their British Film Institute player.

(33:42):
Fitzcarraldo's basically, it's not as high tension as Sorcerer, but it's basically loose on a guy who wanted to build an opera house in the jungle. No bank.
So it's kind of based on that. Now, Klaus Kinski, who's just... insane and was such a hard actor to work with so many people just fucking he pretty much had punch-ups with everybody all the time on all of his films he's a fucking lunatic

(34:10):
I've heard he's unhinged. I didn't realise he... His character decides to hire a steamboat to rent it out, a massive, massive boat, and do it all up and go basically down the...
jungle river but he doesn't go the normal way everyone's like where's he going he goes the wrong way because his reason is we're going to get to a certain point of the river where there's only a little bit of land between us but it is a mount it's like a big mountain top like a big hill but we're gonna

(34:38):
they get the steamboat and pull it up over the hill and go drop it down the other side to go back in the river it does sound a bit like sorcerer then in that way yeah it and it's just like that's the main thing so they get all these natives to do it now
As a movie, watch it. You're like, that's insane. Someone's doing that. You've got to step out of the movie and go Werner Herzog was actually getting natives who didn't speak English to put a steamboat over a mountain in real life.

(35:07):
There's no effects. So Werner Herzog is pretty much the crazy guy trying to do it.
But he's getting his actor to pretend that he wants to do that for a movie. It's just like, this is insane. At one point, one of the native guys, they wanted to kill Klaus Kinski. They said to Werner Herzog, if you like, we can kill him. Deadly serious.

(35:27):
and it's just insane like one of the crew had to chop his leg off because he got bit by a snake or his arm just straight away just lopped it off with a chainsaw or something like that and it's just like an insane movie and it's worth a watch
What's the name of it again? Fitzcarrado from 1982. It's in English. Two hours, 40 minutes.
Get 7.9 out of 10. The story of Brian Sweeney Fitzgerald, an extremely determined man who intends to build an opera house in the middle of the jungle. It's fucking bonkers. Crazy.

(36:00):
That sounds crazy. One last thing actually I have just to mention somebody else passed away since our last episode and that's Udo Kier. Another German actor.
Another German actor, that's why you reminded me. That's why I was watching the German criminals. I was like, oh, people are watching a lot of German stuff, for instance. Yeah, well, you know, wunderbar. For anyone who doesn't know, Udo Kier is a phenomenal German character actor.

(36:25):
showed up in hundreds of movies, you know, Suspiria, everyone knows him from that, he was in a lot of giallo movies. Yeah, such a good look, he's always colour and stuff, you know. Yeah, Blade, he was a vampire in Blade. I was about to say, I remember he was in Blade.
He was great in Blade. He even popped up in Ace Ventura, Barbed Wire. He's done... He transcended, you know, going from foreign language films over to Hollywood.

(36:49):
and yeah it's a shame but he had a fantastic career and a great life from the sound of it so um just wanted to mention udo kia as well he's a great great guy very sinister looking if you ever needed a sinister german guy
He's been replaced tonight with Christoph Waltz. I feel like he's... Although I think he's Austrian. I think Karl Kinski was before him then. So there we go. So... Shall we get on to a trader for...

(37:12):
treading places yeah let's pull a cracker and inside it we're gonna have a drunk let's pull each other's crackers it's gonna be a drunken Dan Aykroyd stuffing meat down his trousers and
Eddie Murphy pretending he's got no legs. Smoking a joint in the toilets. I love that moment. Then it gets dark real quick. It's really interesting. So we actually have a, I didn't expect it, an interesting conversation because it's like about the way people treated.

(37:39):
All right, let's get on to this.
I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I know what you're thinking. You see Paul getting best? We can make it, baby! Me and you! Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy.

(38:07):
are trading places. Help! Help! Hey, I don't want your bag, man. Help!
Bet that that man could run our company as well as your young Windsor. Are we talking about a wager, Randolph? Is there problem officers? Oh, Windsor.

(38:31):
I'm glad your parents are not alive to see this. Wait, now this is totally preposterous. I'm not a thief.
take off your clothes you are making a career decision here take off your clothes did you hear what this man said to me i have witnesses this man is physically threatening me

(38:56):
Hey, Randy, this is nice. I like this. We are commodities brokers, William. Commodities are agricultural products, like... wheat which is used to make bread, pork bellies which is used to make bacon, which you might find in a bacon and lettuce and tomato sandwich.

(39:24):
I'm considering going long on April Wheat. What do you think, Valentine? Freeze, slimeball! Moi?
Put that gun away at once, Winthorpe. You lost your mind? Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy. They're not just getting rich, they're getting even. Do you have any better ideas?

(39:49):
Yeah, you know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people. Dan Aykroyd. Eddie Murphy.
Ralph Bellamy. We've got to get Wilson and turn up the sun! Donna Meachie. Randolph, this isn't Monopoly money we're playing with. Denim Elliott. What a scumbag.

(40:17):
and Jamie Lee Curtis. By the way, food and rent, not the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch.
trading places from 1983 rated 15 an hour and 56 minutes A snobbish Wall Street commodities broker and a wily street hustler find their positions reversed as part of a bet by two callous millionaire brothers who run a brokerage house.

(40:59):
That's a really wordy, not very poetically written synopsis of that. But, 7.5 out of 10. Directed by John Landis, America World for London. I've met John Landis, actually.
Yeah, just after he murdered two children and an actor, he made this film. Toilet Zone. Oh, did he make this afterwards? Yeah, yeah. Because I know he tried to call Eddie Murphy to give him a...

(41:29):
statement of him a personal statement but I don't think Eddie Murphy would get involved he did he said all I know is if the cameras roll in
and you've got two children getting their heads cut off by a helicopter, and it's after midnight, then you've got to take some responsibility for that if you're the director. That's what Eddie Murphy said. Well, yeah. And I think he's got a fair point.

(41:53):
but he probably said it in a much wittier way now a lot to unpack with this one before we get into this thing i will say this is another kind of a shining moment for me because i've always just seen trading places as
a silly comedy movie not even a buddy comedy movie because it's not um and yeah it's fun this time around i'm a bit older now i'm getting on for 50s and you see the whole world as it is yeah yeah i'm a dad as well and um this time around i realized this is really good it's

(42:31):
a fantastic mix of a christmas almost a christmas carol uh it's a wonderful life um and a few other little bits thrown in there but then you've got what i am now happy to say is
I think this might be Eddie Murphy's finest acting performance because his character arc is, he really, really acts in this.

(42:55):
like more so than he does in any of his other films. You know, he's Eddie Murphy in a lot of his films. In this, he starts off as this one person, then he quickly moves up to being a different person, then he realises he's a pawn in this game.
And then he changes again into a mixture of those two. He was 21 when he made this. 21 years old. No wonder his career took off. To have that range. Yeah.

(43:20):
I was a punk at 21. I was a punk most of my 20s. You know, I was quite in my own little fucking world. Do you know what I mean? I wouldn't have the know-how to understand the people he's portraying.
Do you know what I'm saying? He's a determined gentleman. He's got such range. He's a very skilled person. I've watched his documentary and made me think, oh, I'm like Eddie Murphy. Because I always used to think, why can't I just...

(43:47):
Do something. Why aren't I a filmmaker? Why haven't I gone to Hollywood and actually go, that's why I'm fucking doing it.
And I realized, do I want to just be a film director? Not really. I like being a podcaster. I like writing music. I like doing things. And it comes down to it. I just like making stuff. So I haven't honed it in. And Eddie Murphy's documentary said the same thing. I just like to do...
like making stuff and just acting was just it just really took off but because he's a stand-up comedian actor he did a bit of singing you know he's done lots of things so it's just like i just like doing stuff sort of thing like yeah man so he's a very

(44:19):
talented person I recommend the documentary and then yeah I think I mentioned on the last episode I watched it along with the John Candy one in the same evening because I needed cheering up after the John Candy one I've got to do the John Candy one actually
And then you've got Dalek, who was 31, still relatively young. He was riding high. His career was still, you know, he had a really good sort of 25 years of his career. And he probably still, you know, we love...

(44:47):
We love him, you know, Dan Aykroyd. So you had SNL's two generations. You had the older generation with Dan Aykroyd at 31 and then the newer generation with Eddie Murphy combining to make this dream team.
comedy duo who aren't really a comedy duo but then when they do get their plan in motion together in the last act it is so funny throw in the

(45:11):
incredibly gorgeous Jamie Lee Curtis. And I'm not just saying that because she gets her boobs out twice. That is a highlight. Don't get me wrong. She looks great. But...
She does, but she is really funny in this. I'm Elga from Sweden. Down to the point of how funny is...

(45:39):
Denham Elliot. Hit the butler, yeah.
Coleman the butler how funny he is his dry British sense of humour comes across now you've got to remember though this is John Landis directing this so he's pointing them in the direction to go as much as obviously they're talented and they bring their thing to it he's just fine tuning
yeah you know bringing that drawing he knows he knew english humor you know he knows that and he's just bringing that dry english humor to it for for his character he understands him to be and just how everyone should be and i think it's it's you can almost go film gods almost

(46:13):
almost you know it's a lot of things together almost but I don't think they're there I don't think it's there but I do think it's you know what I'm saying though we're up there it's a much better film than I've ever given it credit for
It's definitely a good 8.5 out of 10. I know we haven't started reviewing it yet, but it's up there. I probably enjoyed watching it again. I could probably go and watch it again this weekend happily. Now, would you think it would be just as good if Richard Pryor hadn't been cracked?

(46:41):
out on fire and still been in the cast? I don't think it would have because I think this was a young...
dynamic hungry eddie murphy that wanted to prove himself you know i i've unfortunately i feel like rich pie i do sorry to say it you're not here anymore anyway but i do feel bad saying it but i think yeah i him

(47:01):
his accident that happened that he caused himself um i don't know if it's a meant to be thing because eddie murphy shines like i say yeah definitely and i think it needed to be a younger man
And Richard Pryor was older. He was a similar age to perhaps Dan Aykroyd in this. Yeah, I think it would have come across differently, wouldn't it?
We must give credit to Dan Atkroyd as well. He is a great comedy. His timing is great. You know, Ghostbusters, whatever he's in, great outdoors. He's been in some fantastic comedy roles. This would have been almost a bit fucking...

(47:32):
full-on for Richard Pryor really do you know what I mean it's a bit a little bit like the way it I don't think he could have handled the acting it's a bit more uh street tough if that makes sense a little bit more I don't know
something with it which isn't his films with gene world obviously and you've got to think dan akron was writing in his head he was writing ghostbusters he probably written ghostbusters by now it was it came out the following year you know so

(47:56):
yeah it's um i see what you mean it is close to being a film god to film this and you know we've laid our cards on the table listeners already we we love this film i didn't expect to come into this but there is a lot to talk about this because um it's got some really dark moral messages about the way
people are treated and I wondered if this film would have aged well and there's only one scene towards the end that doesn't age well but the rest of it around the racism side of stuff it hits you it's a gut punch when

(48:24):
Like when Eddie hears them use the N-word when they don't think he's around. That's a real punch. I wouldn't let an N-person run this company, yeah.
Oh, my God, it's a gut punch, man. And the film sets its tone out straight away from the get-go. You have a montage, which is juxtaposize, juxtaposize, juxtaposize.

(48:46):
Juxtapositioned. Had this last time. God's sake. Juxtapositioned. You have the montage at the beginning of shots of people on welfare and then shots of the privileged.
shot of welfare, shot of privilege, from the opening of the film. That is telling you what this film is straight away. Yeah, and what's, again, it's quite ahead of its...

(49:10):
Who did write this? Again, it's quite ahead of its time because... Sorry, Timothy Harris and Herschel Weingart. On the look of them up, you carry on. This time in the early 80s.
It was cool to be a yuppie and cool to be elite and rich and be on the stock exchange, Wall Street, you know, that kind of movie. So this movie really actually...

(49:36):
shines a spotlight on that and how some of those people are pieces of shit and will do anything you know and for example the two brothers and it's not a spoiler because you guys would have seen this and you know that we always go spoilers anyway but
it's a dollar the whole bet is for one dollar they're just they're play things you know because they're just so rich and they're untouchable when they pull it back at the end and they say it's so good one dollar one dollar um

(50:04):
One of the writers, Timothy Harris, he did Train Places a couple of years after this. He did Bruce's Millions. He also wrote Twins and Kindergarten Corp and Space Jam.
Oh, nice. That's one of the writers, and I'll just quickly check the other writers. The other thing that I will say before we get into it is...

(50:25):
Everyone looks like they're really enjoying themselves in this film. It's the most atmospheric. Yeah, I don't think snow was the only white substance going around at the time.
Okay, this guy also worked with him, then they worked together, trained places, producers, millions, stepmose, alien, then twins, kindergarten, cop.

(50:46):
Space Jam, etc. So yeah, they're not many things, but they work together. Oh, they did the Team Toyans movie. How bizarre. Great, great movie. But that's so bizarre. They obviously work well together as a...
a comedy writing duo um how funny yeah so what you said do you know team titans yeah i love team titans absolutely love it you don't have a scratch in the beginning in the intro of music

(51:11):
I literally have here by accident. It's so funny. That's weird, isn't it?
It's funny, Team Titans, because it's... It's made by people of our age who are into stuff that we like. It's like Ren and Stimpy. Yeah, but... Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's really funny. And it's so fast. When they do like... I don't know why I'm doing a shout-out fucking talk about Team Titans here, but it's a kid's...
program by the way when they do like homages to like 80s movies and they go whoa back in the 80s this is what it was like and it's so good I love the episode where they've got like

(51:41):
synth playing and they're all riding like unicorns and they're riding through the desert and then it's like what is going on this is so good it's almost like a bit um like um what's the rick and morty at times
It's great. It's a great show for anyone who hasn't seen it. And the movie's good. Anyway, on to this movie then. So we started off with this... So just to paint the picture, Gav, we're in Philadelphia in the early 80s. Yuppieism was a thing.

(52:07):
But like you said, we've got the juxtaposition of people keeping themselves warm on... Streets, while inside people are on cognacs and smoking cigars just talking about playing...
what's in the trade and the stocks yeah we've very much got a wall street type scenario going on a lot of money for the stock exchange and then obviously on the streets as Dan just said
But it also adds into this that it's Christmas because all the businesses are getting ready, whether they're the stock exchange, whether it's your local bakery, they're all getting their Christmas decorations up and putting their signs up saying Christmas sale and things like that. So we know what time of year it is as well. We also see...

(52:41):
Butler, Coleman, who is prepping breakfast for someone. He's getting a croissant ready and some coffee. And he goes up into Lewis's room, who is Dan Aykroyd.
um who is sleeping even wakes him up
good morning he sort of rubs his eyes he might as well wipe his ass for him it's funny because he doesn't at any point come across as an antagonist he just becomes across as a very stuck up uh got everything for him doesn't have to do anything especially why he treats

(53:11):
Eddie Murphy when he first bumps into him in the street but he doesn't come across as the antagonist because he is in fact him and Eddie Murphy are actually our protagonists we just don't know that as yet
But yeah, this guy, Dan Aykroyd has a butler. You know, he has some money, he has some clout. He's bought the newspaper and the Financial Times, whatever it is, and he just says, oh, okay, thank you, yes. And his butler's English, the cliché.

(53:36):
Yeah. It helps them get dressed for work. We do see these two older gentlemen called the Dukes.
The Duke brothers, yeah. Not the Dukes of Hazzard, by the way. No. Because that's another Duke pair of brothers, but that's completely different. This is an elderly grey gentleman, a very boring straight type of people who've...

(53:57):
probably possibly married once upon a time but now they are married to their finances and they just want more money more money more money more money um because many more problems they don't really care about anybody or anything
They would rather just make money than die of a heart attack. And whatever happens to money, it doesn't matter because they're dead. But for while they're alive, a lot of people are in greed in the world. It's just make money, make money, make money, which is such a... I've always found that a very strange thing. But then again, I've never had a lot...

(54:26):
of money so I don't know what happens when you have a lot of money I imagine it's a fucking hassle yeah and they they have a very similar morning because Coleman prepares everything for them as well well actually is Coleman their butler I can't remember no they've got their own butlers
No, yeah, yeah. Basically, they pay Coleman to look in this house, which probably costs a shitload as it is, to pay Coleman to look after Dan Aykroyd. He's like their...

(54:52):
golden boy yeah for whatever reason I don't know but I presume he's just very good at making them money so they're like retreating well they're like he's like a
a financial sex worker, so to speak, for the older gentleman. Well, they're in the car and they get a message from him to say, buy Sal pork belly stocks.

(55:19):
And they're like...
well that can't be right can it be right let's do it let's do it and they end up making hundreds of thousands of dollars straight away well this is 83 and they've got a car phone so there's a bit of money going on they're being driven and then down backwards on the other end of the phone saying oh i think you should do this or do that and then one
of them's like i don't think this is right this i think he's gonna no this isn't gonna happen and the other one's like no no let's give it a go let's try it out and that's what how their dynamic is through the rest of the movie these two older gentlemen and one of them is very much

(55:49):
Let's give it a go and see what happens. Oh, I don't know about that. They're kind of like the guys. I wouldn't be surprised if it's kind of almost based off on the Muppets.
i was about to say exactly the same thing they're like the muppet characters aren't they very much um and uh dan dan aqua as dan was saying just comes up with something and says you should do this and he goes oh let's just try it out and he goes i see mortimer

(56:11):
He just won us so much money. So they're like, hmm. Which is, it's setting up for their bet. Yeah.
So they get out of their car and they head into their big gentleman's club and they're harassed briefly by Eddie Murphy. I love his little pull-along cart. I was like to Sarah, Sarah, what is that? She's like, cart?

(56:35):
He's like, pull a long cart. He's basically pretending to be a blind man. A blind...
vietnam vet with no legs so he's got his legs tucked under him on this little cart with like a big skateboard basically and he's got the big giant boxing glove things on so his hands can pull himself along and he's got sunglasses on
Well, the problem is when he's doing his blind act, he can't help but do the Stevie Wonderhead move. Do you know what I mean?

(57:00):
it's pretty funny yeah but I love the fact that he's on a pull-on car and the cops are basically oh later on I love it when it's a little bit later not that much when the cops pick him up and his legs just go and appear yeah
I know, it's funny. It's so funny, because you wouldn't know who this character is initially watching this film. We're essentially going with this cheeky chappy who's on the streets and he's trying to peddle for some money, but he's doing a belt with it in. You've got to say, though...

(57:24):
He, this is where he comes into Mortimer and that. They're quite lucky pulling this, because they could have pulled any character off the streets to try and do this. And I don't think their experiment would have totally worked. But straight away here, we see the Eddie Murphys.
being being a bit more creative in the way he's trying to pedal for money yeah yeah he's thinking outside the box rather than just doing that he's like doing that so like he has some shit going on there which is actually really interesting writing when you come to think about it

(57:49):
So he leaves them alone. They go into the club, into this big gentleman's meeting club. It's almost like a cult. It's like the skulls, you know, that kind of thing. You've seen it a few times before in movies.
They go in there and they discuss trading and it's all very boring. You know, they're reading their newspapers. I see the crops that sales are up.

(58:13):
Because I've watched this in high def. On the back of the newspaper, there's an advert for Apple computers. And I'm shouting at the screen going, take stock in that right now. What are you doing?
And we see Lewis, he brings them the wages checks to sign, like the monthly wages. And they're like, oh, we do pay our employees a lot of money.

(58:40):
and then he says yeah talking of which there is a check here for someone and it's um for ten thousand dollars and they say oh
Don't worry about that, Lewis. I'll take care of that. Leave that with me. So we've already got a little seed planted. There's someone within the company. They're paying a lot of money to do something for them. And we will find out who that is later on. Then it emerges that...

(59:01):
the bit of information that he is he's dating a lady called Penelope
who is the grand-niece of the Duke brothers. So not only is he their golden boy, their number one man when it comes to trading, he's also marrying into the family.
I am presuming he was their work colleague or whoever first before and then met her. That's how I presume that went. All the other men there are like, well, you're having dinner with Penelope? That's wonderful. And he's like, yes.

(59:32):
And he says, when are you going to make an honest man of our grandniece? And he says, oh, well, the invitations will be in the post next week, actually. So he's marrying her. He plans to, like you said, Gav, he's not really a nasty person. He's just...
in that world he's kind of oblivious to everything he just happens to be quite good at but it's almost like he's grown up with a silver spoon that's what it seems like yeah he doesn't know the actual world which is you know when he meets eddie later on

(01:00:00):
It's almost, it's not even a racist thing. It's just like, oh, what's going on? Someone's touching me, you know, and it's not my butler. This is strange. Yeah, yeah. It feels almost like Prince Andrew, or no, the prince formerly known.
I don't think I've ever seen Dan Aykroyd play this type of character before. It's interesting, yeah. He's normally a bit of a more down-to-earth guy, isn't he? So it's interesting to see.

(01:00:27):
We do then cut back to Eddie harassing more people. He calls one woman a bitch because she won't give him any money. And this is when the cops harass him. And he tells him he's a nam. They pick him up and he says, I can walk.
i can walk i can see i can see i've got legs this is great thanks man i love you guys and they actually don't arrest him they kind of uh at that point they kind of

(01:00:50):
let him run off and then he another police car pulls out so he runs back towards the club that Dan Aykroyd and the Duke brothers are in and
they he runs he bumps into Dan Aykroyd knocks his briefcase out of his hand and he's like I'm being mugged and Eddie Murphy actually picks his briefcase up and gives it back to him to hand it back to him but he's like oh my god

(01:01:11):
I'm being mugged. Look, he has my briefcase. And Eddie Murphy, for whatever reason, doesn't drop it. He grabs it and runs into the building, which would be like, just give it to him and just stand away and say, no, I'm not. I'm giving it to him. I don't want it.
But he goes running off, which makes him look very guilty. And then we get this fun moment where, if you could imagine these probably quite racist... two dozen white guys inside this very well-to-do training club and you've got this black guy dressed in like

(01:01:42):
rags because he's been pretending to be a bum for all my life every time I watch this movie I'm like Eddie Murphy where there's some cool like combat
baggy combat trousers and then he's got either Pumas or Adidas on. I'm going to get Adidas shell toes. Oh, I thought they were Pumas. Oh, they might be. And the thing is, though, it's just like, he, every time I've seen him, he looks super cool.

(01:02:03):
Yeah, but Eddie Murphy does always look quite cool, though. He's never looked cooler than when he was Axel Fogli. That look is just the look. Yeah.
So he runs into this, like we said, into this club. He ends up, it's quite comical, he gets under the table. And obviously he's caught because he's under the table. So he gets arrested. And the Dukes are very interested in him.

(01:02:24):
straight away they're like oh very interesting what what is this man he's probably grown up yeah he said well he's an n-word and by the way there are two n-words
One of them is lesser offensive, but it's still offensive. But what they do is they slowly talk themselves round into going, well...
We could actually. What, you're saying that we couldn't take this gentleman to come off the streets who could run our company? No, no, we couldn't do that. No way I couldn't. You don't think that? Well, I bet you a wager that we could. Like, you're on.

(01:02:57):
same price as normal absolutely we don't know the price yet so the the wager basically is let's take dan akroyd who is the
best we've got and he's marrying our grandniece and let's ruin him their own fun and pleasure isn't it it's such an evil horrible thing to destroy someone's life just for some fun and pleasure

(01:03:22):
It's a very Epstein sort of, you know, just ruining someone's life just for your own selfish game fun. So their aim specifically is to make Eddie Murphy...
Rich, successful, respected, clean-cut and make Dan Aykroyd a gun-wielding, drunken, druggie who will resort to crime. And if they can do that...

(01:03:49):
then we don't know what the the wager is but it's a it's a dollar it's it's discovered and that's just how horrible they are just for a dollar because money's nothing to them so then we cut to lewis dan akroyd having dinner with penelope
And it's very sort of... It's so sterile romance. Do you know that a black fellow tried to mug me today? She's like, oh, Lewis. And he's like, yes.

(01:04:17):
Well, he's lucky because I would have beaten him to within an inch of his life. They arrested him. And she's like, oh, Lewis, I'm getting hot for you. At the table, yeah. I'm getting quite into you.
behind them the butler's making crepes and like that and he goes he looks and he knows what she means he goes we won't need

(01:04:40):
put in we're going to we're going to go now to the other room and he's standing going oh my main button goes you can have them and the next thing is the shots of butler just tipping them in the bin
and they go into the living room and it's so clinical and they they just as they're talking about like training and who they're inviting to their wedding they're slowly taking their clothes off there's no like love or passion you know um

(01:05:04):
and then they just she gets down to her just her underwear and he's
and then coleman opens the door and he's like uh will you be needing me anymore this evening so or can i retire and he's like no no we won't need you anymore i think i've got everything handled myself they could have been getting it on i don't understand like why did coleman just why doesn't he knock as well i don't
understand why he just opened it and i thought he was going to get annoyed with him for like what are you doing but he doesn't he wanted he wanted a cheeky look at what was going on in there can uh can we play what the bottler saw um so while this is happening we're juxta

(01:05:39):
juxturing over to the other side and we've got Eddie Murphy he's banged up in the fucking cell isn't he yes and a brilliant Bruce Lee impression emerges I didn't know I've never seen
I didn't realise how well his Bruce Lee impression is. So he's in jail and he's got these two huge fellas on one side. Did you see one of the characters I'm looking at right now? Giancarlo Esposito. Yeah, from Breaking Bad.

(01:06:03):
Yeah, he's really young and got really bad acne. He's so young in it. Acne and afro. But yeah, he's got Giancarlo Esposito and a couple of other fellows who...
I like worshipping him because he's talking the talk, you know, he's been really quick-witted. He's being Eddie Murphy. And he's like, man, you should have seen it. And they were like, how many cops? And he's like, ten cops.

(01:06:25):
Luckily, Bruce Lee was my teacher, man, and I'm a karate guy. I'm a karate guy, okay? And he's like doing all these Bruce Lee moves. And then these two other fellas who were huge are like...
They're doubting him and they come up to him and they're like, you said you took on 10 cups? And he's like, yeah. And he goes, and you got a limo? And he's like, yeah, I got a limo. I got bitches coming to pick me up in a minute. And then they grab him and they pin him up against the wall. And they're just about to beat him up.

(01:06:48):
And he's like, I'm a credit guy. Don't push me, man. Don't push me. And then all of a sudden, a cop comes over and he's like, Billy Ray Valentine. What a great name, by the way, for a character, Billy Ray Valentine.
looking good billy ray what a great life um and he's like yeah that's me and he's like oh someone's bailed you out and he's like i told you i told you and he gets out just in time he goes outside yeah he goes outside and

(01:07:16):
There's the Duke brothers and they're like, get in this car. And he's like, no. Interesting. We see this again later on. Someone coming out on these steps being bailed. Yeah. Yeah.
And it's the switcheroo at that point. There's probably a lot of those sort of mirrored...

(01:07:37):
I bet there is. Scenes, you know. So he doesn't want to get in the car, but they say, look, we're the guys that bailed you out. So he gets in the limo with them. He does think that they're possibly proposing sexual antics on him.
Which it does look like, it does look like, I'm saying some weird couple of eccentric, rich, older white people might do, I've got to say. Yeah.

(01:08:01):
because they're sort of saying to him we want to help you billy ray we want well they keep calling him william actually and he's like this name the name's billy ray and they're like okay william we want to help you we want to provide you with a house a car
a job with a salary of $80,000 a year. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just taking cigars off him in a bottle of booze. He's like, yeah, okay, all right, yeah. He doesn't believe him at all. He's just like going, okay, I'll go with whatever you say because I've got a bottle of booze and some cigars. I'm going to get out and run it.

(01:08:29):
a minute you know he taps the limo driver he's like man what is this for real and he's like yeah they're for real and then they're like my name my name is um randolph and my name is
Mortimer and he goes, okay, Randy and Mortay. He calls them Randy and Mortay. Okay, Randy and Mortay. Yeah.

(01:08:49):
So he's like, why me? Why me? And they're like, look, we just want to do something for you. So they take him to his new house, which is obviously Dan Aykroyd's house.
um Dan Upgrove being out at the moment and he meets his butler and he says so you're going to be my personal slave he's like
Yes, sir, I'll be at your beck and call whenever you need me. So, Dan Ackwood's character, where is he now at this moment? He's out at work or something, isn't he? He must be out with...

(01:09:15):
But that means they've already planned that whatever they could do to him, they could do it straight away. Because they can't have him going back to the house. They've only got a few hours till he'd be going back there as Eddie Murphy stepped in his shoes.
well he meets his butler he goes off and he has a lovely jacuzzi bath
When he gets in the thing, he says, jacuzzi, sir. He goes, I know you guys are a couple of... He says the F word, but he's saying, you know, pulling some sexual antics on me. He says, no, no, no, it's the bubbles in the bath, sir.

(01:09:45):
turns it on and goes, oh, okay. He says, when we were kids and we wanted bubbles, we had to fart in the bathtub. We had to fart in the bathtub.
And he has his bath. There's a really awful moment where the Duke brothers are outside. They're like, what's he doing now? And he's like, he's singing in the bath. And he goes, they are a musical people, aren't they? It's like, why? But that's their character, man. That's...

(01:10:06):
I thought initially, oh, this film hasn't aged well, but it's because they are racist pieces of shit as well. You've got to think the year, though, where they're already old in 82, 83, whatever this is. So, I mean, like...
like 70s they were when they were brought up as children that would have been normal yeah unfortunately I know it's not their real life in real life that's how they'd be but their character so to speak it would be you know yeah

(01:10:33):
They show him around this house. I was going to say Dan's at the Heritage Club at the moment.
Oh, that's right. He's at the Heritage Club. So he's showing it around. He's stealing because he's in that same mindset. He's picking up things off the shelves and they're like, why are you stealing? And he's like, this is yours. Okay, yeah, this is on mine, yeah. As he goes around picking up because...
He's just like, sarcastically going along, going, OK, yeah, thinking these guys are insane. But he just cannot believe it. And Lewis is on his way, as you said, he's on his way to the club. And inside, someone...

(01:11:03):
slip something in his pocket so his life is about to completely unravel now now this this club
This just random little club. You saw a room which is just like a clubhouse room, like a bar and stuff. And all of a sudden, this character, Mr. Biggs, turns up and they've all got to go for a meeting in his room. This one room is fucking huge.

(01:11:24):
a whole council and all these chairs and tables sitting around in a semi-circle facing these so many small chairs in front of them it's like this is a bit weird it's very freemasons type sort of thing or something it is it's like that it's also like the house is apartment which is kind of the
who are interchangeable, really. It does feel the same. And they, well, they explain about Mr. Beak's character, don't they?

(01:11:45):
yeah well one of the sort of one of the chiefs of the the club the training the stock exchange whatever it is that they do he stands up and he says gentlemen i'm sorry to say there is a thief amongst us
and we are today we're here to find out who that is and they're all looking around like gosh you know we're all ready

(01:12:05):
rich guys who's stealing what on earth is this about and everybody's really confused and then mr bex or mr b sorry um is the who is the guy by the way spoiler who's been paid by the duke but there's a lot of money every month to do dodgy things he stands up
and he's the head of security so say and he says so guys what i'd like you to do i'm going to get you to check your pockets put your left hand on the person to the left of you's shoulder and then put your hand in their pocket blah blah blah and everybody pulls out what's in their pockets

(01:12:34):
And then he says, earlier today, some marked $100 bills.
We especially marked them. They were stolen. And watching this on repeat, you see, just as Mr Beeks walks into the room, he bumps into Dan Aykroyd's character and slips something in his pocket. You do see this, actually. Yeah.
and it's it's lewis and he's like what this is ridiculous i've never stolen anything in my life and he's taken to the police station um and he's like you can't do this to me do you know who i am i'll have your badge and they're like strip

(01:13:07):
and he's like what strip how dare you i'm not going to do that and the next scene scene is him and just in his underwear so they made him and they're going through his clothes they're like
This is an alligator skin wallet. We've got a Rolex watch. Oh, and we've got a big old bag of... Oh, this looks like PCP to me, otherwise known as angel dust. And he's like...

(01:13:30):
I've never seen that in my life. Immediately now, not only has he stolen money, he's now also got a huge bag of PCP in his pocket, which again was, you know, all planted on him by these corrupt cops.
And then he gets his mug shot taken. So it's going badly for him. Cutting back to Eddie, who is fucking loving this right now, because he steps into a bar like the Pimp Mac Daddy.

(01:13:56):
of the 80s, the king of the world in his new clothes.
He walks in and he's like, yo, let me buy everybody in the bar champagne. Champagne, the best champagne you got. Yeah, I think they kind of think he's making it up or something or he's just talking bullshit.
And he gets a couple of guys, the ones that were in prison, happened in the cell, happened to be in the bar as well. And they come up to him and say, hey, man. And they're like, well, if you don't believe me, my car's outside. And he says, your car's outside. He's like, yeah, let's go look.

(01:14:30):
And they go out there and they look up and Coleman just nods his cap to them. I love Coleman. He just gives them a little good afternoon. And they're just like, OK. And then Eddie's like, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what we're going to do.
we're gonna have a house party and he brings the whole bar back to his
which used to be Dan Ackroyd's house, back to his house for a giant 80s house party with cool music playing, probably a lot of cocaine, but we don't see it, but we do see a lot of drinking and people making out, girls getting their boobs out.

(01:14:59):
um and this is where we see the first change in him quite early because he's suddenly got
he owns things he owns a house and material possessions within the house and he's walking around the party going hey yo man you're dropping stuff on that rug that's a persian rug yeah from persia and he's like that coffee table's worth more than your house what are you doing come on who's putting cigarettes

(01:15:22):
out on the floor and he's eventually he says everybody get out and he actually kicks everybody out even though there's like loads of naked women running around it's a bit of a pd party what i love is in the middle of all this sort of naked debauchery and drinking music you've got
Poor Coleman walking around with a plate of hors d'oeuvres going, can I interest anybody in hors d'oeuvres? The thing at top takes Dan, takes Eddie Murphy over to Tops when he says to them, hey, hey, Coleman, there was more...

(01:15:50):
There's more people here. It seems less people. He says, I believe, sir, they've adjourned up to the bedrooms. That's right. As a butler, you just don't think. You just do and act as...
told so he doesn't think he knows what's going on but you don't think about it so you just let it pass they've gone up to the bedroom goes what and he goes up there and there basically is a lady in his bed wants to

(01:16:15):
get it on with him and eddie murphy's like no disgusted by this get out and go and say it's like and he his last parting words really of the evening to the common old man these guys are all leeches as soon as you get a bit of money and he realizes
People just want you for your money. That's the thing, though. I think, like I said before, the Dukes have got struck lucky with Eddie's character because so many other characters have just got wasted and it wouldn't be a problem at all.

(01:16:40):
just before the bar thing very quickly just talking about Dan Aykroyd when he gets checked into the police station and he's just completely a fish out of water when they say to him
okay strip and he's like what is it strip you little the guy says to him and he's like what and he's all uh he's got black eye and stuff and he has to strip and he's just completely like oh my god i don't understand this in the slightest

(01:17:02):
But it's quite funny, we've now literally flipped. Dan Akkoid's now, like...
being arrested and eddie murphy's now living his life and all of a sudden eddie murphy has just realized that these people like i said he's got more common sense than a lot of people i feel all of a sudden he's realized that people are taking advantage of him because he's got money

(01:17:22):
But it is interesting. Yeah, and it's... Like I said, and the interesting thing about this scene is how quickly... Very, very quickly. Did you see who the barman was?
I don't think I did, no. When he spoke, because I'm very good at recognising the voice, do you know one of our favourite movies? I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.

(01:17:50):
Oh, who is it? It's the guy who is maybe the caretaker?
Oh, okay. He's like, Rio de Janeiro, he says to him. And they say, where'd you win the holiday? And he goes, okay. And he knows it's wrong. It's him. He's in it. Oh, wow. I know. I didn't know that. That's a deep cut.

(01:18:11):
And I do love that Eddie has already started to pick up on the fact that people are leeches and people are, and he's changed. He's already changed ever so slightly with a little bit of money. It just goes to show you how a little bit of money can change you.
And yeah, like you say, Dan's in jail with the two black eyes. Penelope comes in.
She bails him out and he starts crying. He's like, those men wanted to have sex with me. Before we do that, just as the party finishes and they leave his house, Eddie Murphy talks to Coleman and Eddie Murphy is...

(01:18:41):
quite polite to Coleman, and at this point here, Coleman's not had this politeness from him from Dan Atkins' character. He's getting it from Eddie Murphy's character, who's generally being polite, saying, thanks, Coleman, I appreciate that, and stuff like that. And he walks off, and Coleman...
there for a moment and goes there's something different with this one and he appreciates that and he's just like
There's something going on here. Because he says to him, don't worry about it, sir. Yeah. I'll tidy up. You've had a really busy day. Why don't you go upstairs? Get some rest. We'll try tomorrow because tomorrow you've got to start your new job. And he's like...

(01:19:15):
I really appreciate that comment. Thanks. Yeah, that's good. So, Dan, of course, bailed out from his girlfriend, and he's on the stairs. Basically, Beaks... Is it Beaks that does this? Um...
Goes up to Jamie Lee Kerr. Yeah, it is. Yeah, she's a sex worker. Yeah, she's in there. She's just basically got out from being arrested for being a sex worker. And he says, hey, do you want to make a faust? One hundred. And she's like, what? I've just got out. You want me to get arrested again? Says no. And whispers in his ear.

(01:19:43):
don't know what Dan Aykoy gets bailed out his girlfriend they go on the steps and all of a sudden Jamie Lee Curtis comes up to him says hey baby I need a fix baby and just sort of starts doing all this stuff
She's like, come on, I'll do anything. I'll do that thing you like. And she drops to her knees. And she knows his name and all his stuff. And Lewis, oh, go on, please, Lewis. Who is this Lewis, the girlfriend says. And the girlfriend's like, oh, my God. So she just leaves him.

(01:20:07):
And I was like, great, great, that's it. There's the last person that can help me out here. Fucking brilliant. She's like, oh, it's a joke, though. I thought you'd like it. Your friend told me it'd be funny. What friend? That guy turned around. Bix has gone.
So he's fucked. He's literally got no money. Everything's... oh no we don't know that just yet he doesn't know that yet he just thinks what a strange tone of event so Jamie Lee Curtis walks off to get in a cab to go home and he begs her basically for help

(01:20:37):
she's like get off your knees come over here i don't know she says there's something about you again like coleman she sees something in him that isn't just and there's something in him that's a little bit more genuine check some manicure and soft hands oh no i've got soft hands to be fair um
but I definitely don't have manicured.
nails but he does so she knows that he hasn't done a hard day's work in his life so she knows there's some truth to his story perhaps kind of it's a bit it's a bit a bit far-fetched to go that way but he says he says to her if you drive me to my

(01:21:08):
house in this cab my but my butler will pay you two hundred dollars yeah um and pay for the cab and she's like okay or something about me you makes me believe you so let's do this And there's a really sinister bit now where they knock on the door and Coleman...
He just goes, who are you? And he's like, Coleman, it's me, Lewis. And he's like, I don't think I've ever seen you before, sir. Goodbye. Just as he shut the door, he goes all serious and he just looks at him like, I'm sorry, and just shuts the door.

(01:21:37):
It's a brilliant bit of acting. It's directed and acted incredibly well. Because he's a pawn.
And that's why he's in the final scene. He's in the game, yeah. Yeah, it's a nice comeuppance at the end of this film. So he says, right, let's go to the bank. And he goes to the bank and all of his cards are cut in half. Well, he says...

(01:21:58):
I'd like to take out $500. And he goes, actually, let's make it a nice $1,000. And he does the old school writing out like he used to when you used to have to take cash out. He took me back to that.
The Andrew formerly known as Prince, do you think he's out there doing that one day, went to the bank and was like, your credit cards have been scudged. What? What? This is it, isn't it? You're no longer a duke.

(01:22:25):
um it could be uh so he um yeah they take his credit cards cut and they say we've been told to seize these all of your accounts are frozen apparently you you're a pcp dealer and he's like
no apparently you're a heroin dealer he's like no it was pcp and it wasn't mine anyway so he's like keeps correcting everybody and he's thrown out physically by the security guard at the back they throw him onto the street and he's at his lowest now and he says to ophelia

(01:22:54):
I've been framed. I've been framed, Ophelia being Jamie Lee Curtis. This is where she feels her soft hands, his soft hands, and says, all right, I kind of believe you. Come on, let's go. So she takes him off in a cab. And as they drive off...
Eddie sees Eddie Murphy's in his limo and he says, that's my car. That's the man who tried to mug me. And then Eddie Murphy sees him and goes, hey man, I recognise that guy. And they kind of, that's it.

(01:23:18):
he's shouting out the window that's my car he's taking my car and that's kind of the lovely little moment like almost like a mirror scene coming apart Eddie's taking to work and he gets there and Coleman's he says Coleman hey man what do they want
really actually do here and he says well just be yourself sir what no matter they can't take that away from you they can't take that away from me um

(01:23:43):
So they sit in there and he says, hey, thanks, man, but I've already had breakfast this morning because they lay out all these different... All the commodities.
And they're like, no, no, no, we're here to teach you about commodity trading. It's basically they lay out in front of him. It looks like they laid out a random breakfast for him, but it's actually everything that they actually trade in. It's about six or seven items.
Yeah, let me explain it to him.

(01:24:04):
It's like a little learning moment for him. Eddie breaks a full fall at one point and they say, and this is, and he says like a simple thing and Eddie Murphy looks at the camera and is like, do they think I'm stupid? And it's so interesting that he just breaks a full fall.
I know it's really cool that he does that.
And it works. You don't even really think about it. He just looks at us, at the audience, like, who the fuck are these two? And that just makes you go, this is not, this is only a movie. It's not like, it doesn't take you out of the story. Do you know what I mean? It's really interesting.

(01:24:35):
Yeah.
Dan Ackroyd is back at Ophelia's at this point. He just moans and moans and moans until she says, look, shut the fuck up, yeah? Not everything in life is free. Everything... And when she's telling him stuff, he goes, what? You're a...
sex worker and he's just like so shocked by this and it's like did you not figure this out but then again he's so naive he probably didn't

(01:24:59):
And she says to her, my grand plan is, you know, she's got like $30,000 in the bank or something. And she's got like five more years of doing this job. On her back, she says. Yeah. And then she can retire for the rest of her life with a decent amount of money.
She's got a grand plan. It's pretty good money for her in the 80s, which she's saved up already, actually. Yeah, she's doing all right. She must charge a lot. She must be good.

(01:25:20):
Those boobs are probably challenged quite a lot. But she says, here's what happens. She says, here's what's going to happen. If I help you, it's not going to be for free.
You're going to need to find a way to pay rent. She's pimping him out. Well, not pimping him out, but she's putting a business proposal to him. She's fought this all through. She's also another clever... Most people in there are pretty clever, actually.

(01:25:44):
yeah and she says to him i want six figures from you if i help you get your life back um and i want you to help me along the way and while she's doing this she completely takes off all her clothes and this is the famous
jamie lee curtis boob shot that everybody knows every teenage boy or girl who was interested in this which most of us were let's be honest saw this especially because you know we we know her from halloween so it's like oh my goodness me um

(01:26:09):
She said, by the way, she said she wasn't proud of doing this. She shows her commodities. She does. Her commodities. Commodities. Love that. She said she wasn't proud of doing this, but...
she also said i chose i could have said no and it was fine so she got paid a decent wage to do it but i'm not complaining but at no point did it ruin her career

(01:26:33):
No. And did it ruin this film? No, not really. Not really. If anything, we go, wow, look at them boobs. Yeah. So that's that. Then she shuts the door and says, not everything around here is free. And that's exactly the bit you just said. So back to Eddie.
who seems to be a natural at trading because he's got the gift of the gab and he's got a really good intuitive instinct. He does a good job and it makes one of the Dukes happy. The other one's still a bit like... And again, it...

(01:26:59):
Again, it's pork bellies, and he gives his whole reason as why pork bellies... He understands, though. He understands what the actual people are actually buying on the streets. Because it's Christmas. Not on the streets, but just generally what people are buying. And he's like, people aren't buying pork right now because it's Christmas, but if you do this and you do that, and eventually...
he ends up making them $300,000 in 30 seconds. Because when I explain to him, do you understand what we do earlier on with the commodities? He says, yeah, you're a couple of brookies.

(01:27:25):
He understands him as basically just a couple of boogies. He understands the set-up. And one of them really genuinely likes him, which is why it's heartbreaking when one of the brothers seems to genuinely like him and believe in him...
But when he calls him the N-word, it breaks your heart. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Because when it comes down to it, there's still just a couple of cunts.

(01:27:48):
Yeah, yeah. One of them, they do a good job of one of them being a bit more likeable, but they're still both absolute cunts, as you said, Gav. Dan Aykroyd is now at a point of desperation, so he turns out... Hang on, hang on. But the Heritage Club...
This is one of the cringiest things I've ever seen. So you've got these... With him trying to look his best out of what clothes he's been allowed to have out of the wardrobe from the guy that lived in Jamie Lee Curtis's flat before her.

(01:28:10):
Yeah, which probably was a pimp by the looks of the big fur coat he's wearing. Or a really bad comedian. Now, my note says for this next scene, squash club wankers. Because...
Because they're in the squash club and you've got these five guys. You've got these guys here, one of whom is... Oh, them singing. Oh, God.

(01:28:32):
And if you know our friends. They're all singing in unison. And they're singing about the different girls that they know. Candice. And it's Candice. And it's like, oh, fuck off. Penelope is good at blowies. Yeah, they're trying to.
basically impress these four girls. But the girls are all loving it. They are, they, because they're just as shit as them, so they're all...

(01:28:52):
shit clinging together and they're in this and they're in this squash club and this this whole moment is ruined like you say because Dan I think Dan I'd be there thanks for ruining that man they're singing just doing my nothing he walks in like oh
Thank God you're all here. Listen, listen, something terrible has happened. Can one of you please help me out with a loan? And they're like, my God, what's happened to you, Lewis? Look at what you're wearing.

(01:29:17):
We heard you were selling heroin. And he's like, no, it was PCP. Why does everyone keep saying that? We heard you stole money. And he's like...
no please please lend me some money if someone could lend me some money i'm innocent and then i and one of the guys is like we're not your friends anymore lewis because he's suddenly got no money and he's got a bad reputation and loyalty is gone

(01:29:37):
And again, he's learning his lesson now. So it's a hard no on the loan, which cuts to him then going into a shop to pawn his watch.
um and he pawns a watch and the guy he's like that's worth five hundred dollars and he's like not here it ain't buddy it's worth 50 bucks take it or leave it so he takes the money and he's like oh can i buy that gun as well

(01:29:59):
So he's already thinking desperately now, Dan Aykroyd. He's already reached that sort of, oh, my gun. I could get that.
That might help me. Randomly, just an off point, in Jamie Curtis's bedroom, she has a poster for See You Next Wednesday, which I presume was a film. No, it's not. It's not.
Right, okay, because in American Wealth in London, in the fake porn movie in the porn theatre, they say, see you next Tuesday.

(01:30:26):
No, they say see you next Wednesday. Oh, they say see you next Wednesday. That's a fake movie that John Landis puts in. It was in Thriller as well. When they go to the cinema in Thriller. I saw it and I was like, hang on, it's like America off London. When they're in the...
It's a play on See You Next Tuesday. Yeah, when Michael Jackson's in the theatre at the start of Thriller, they're like, what does it say on the ancient texts? And you hear the man go, it says, see you next Wednesday.

(01:30:53):
And that's when the girl's like, oh, I want to leave. And he's like, well, let's go outside. And then he turns into a werewolf and chases her. Yeah, John Landis puts that in a lot of his movies. Fair enough, fair enough. It would be even funny if it was seen next Tuesday, because as we all know, that stands for cunt.
I don't say that word very often, but it's our Christmas special. Oh, yeah. I say it quite often. Throwing the cunts of rain for Christmas. Exactly. Dan Aykroyd is in the pouring rain. Oh, it's so low. So low, this scene.

(01:31:21):
Yeah, and he looks basically in the window and sees Eddie sitting at dinner with some snobbish people and them all laughing away. And he's just like, you know, basically like, fuck. They basically just...
he's in my place they've replaced me of him so he kind of understands what's going on well it's a great scene actually because um they're telling this joke and the joke is basically did you hear about the snails who were in a race one of them wanted their

(01:31:49):
car with an s pointed painted on it so when i win everybody can see that and say look at that s car go and and eddie murphy doesn't get it his character doesn't get it because he doesn't know what s cargo is but he laughs and they're all laughing at him and he's laughing and he's
he's feeling connected and he's feeling accepted but in the rain outside you've got Dan Aykroyd so sad just watching I do like it though when Eddie says to him well from the size of your girlfriend's jaw

(01:32:18):
I think you're going to be needing all the money you can get and he just says that to him at one point and then everyone goes quiet then the guy laughs and they all start laughing at him and he goes hey he gets away
Because he's been out in the rain and he's run down in stress. He's lying in Ophelia's bed. And she's like, you're running a huge fever. You've got to look after you. And the best way for me to look after you is to get naked.

(01:32:44):
and cuddle up to you so we get some more boobs now she spoons she spoons him
yeah now he actually has a client knocking on she has a client knocking on the door and she sends him away to look after that because she's such a really a generous sex worker he's like no you have business i shall go somewhere she's like you're not gonna it's christmas eve you're gonna stay there i'm gonna
like, make you a meal and it's going to be Christmas. She basically turns into his girlfriend at this point. Gav, if I'm ever running a fever, could you please send...

(01:33:14):
Jamie Lee Curtis from 1983. Just to spoon me. Yeah, just to spoon me. Nothing more. Just spoon me. Spoon you and spoon Fiji? Both. Some soup. Oh, that'd be great. Spoon you like a tub of ice cream.
oh baby scoop scoop me and put sprinkles on top and some spray whipped cream um but they just sleep they just sleep now in the morning he's feeling a bit better

(01:33:42):
So he's reading the newspaper and he receives... She brings him breakfast in bed and brings him a newspaper. So it's just like...
she's girlfriend she understands straight away that the lifestyle was so she wants to treat him super good because she really believes that he has this money and she can get
back from this but slowly we're actually having a love story starting on here but it doesn't at any point put a fingerprint on that I do think it's more than just that she wants the money as well at this point I think she's starting to truly see

(01:34:12):
the the person we don't see them when they're hanging out the whole time together all night long laying in bed together and stuff and things like talking what they're talking about whatever she started to fall in love with him
Yeah, I think so. But this isn't a love movie. This is a comedy. It's not a romantic film. It's a comedy, but it's also a morality tale. They could have easily gone this route and put some... And it had been a bit... You know, so I'm glad they didn't.

(01:34:36):
Now, this is where his mind cracks, because he opens the newspaper and he sees Eddie Murphy in there, this new addition to the trading world, and he's smashing it, and he knows that this is the guy that...
he thinks tried to mug him and he knows this is the guy that for some reason the universe has cruelly replaced him with this Eddie Murphy go how does this happen so he loses it and the next scene is just unhinged

(01:35:03):
It's him dressed up in a filthy Father Christmas Santa Claus outfit, and he enters the club, the Heritage Club,
And he's just so desperate and so drunk. And he's disgusted. He starts filling his pockets with salmon, turkey, pork.

(01:35:25):
because it's early 80s a couple of movies i watched at christmas this like santa claus the movie would be out on videotape in a few videos chris i had this one on video
And also, I've seen occasionally that Tales from the Crypt episode of the Father Christmas. And I had a couple of different Father Christmas in my head. His portrayal of Father Christmas in this, being that, is...

(01:35:45):
almost like a serial killer he's got the look yeah it's like Silent Night Deadly Night or something isn't it yeah because it's all grey the beard and it's all dirty
and he just looks gross and everyone's sort of looking at him a bit strangely but he's dressed as santa so they don't question it initially they don't see him sticking all the meat in his pockets and while this is happening we've got eddie murphy uh they've got jukes there at the party and eddie murphy comes up and says uh i've just just uh

(01:36:09):
got some questions and they're basically questions about the beak stuff which basically Dan Aykroyd discovered earlier so we're basically having the same film again start again but with Eddie Murphy
Because he says, I've just done all the salary checks. And they're like, oh, hang on, you're working on New Year's Eve? Do you see this Mortimer? He's working on New Year's Eve. You know.

(01:36:29):
He does confront them and he says, you know, why $10,000? This is very strange. Oh, don't worry. It's private projects. Don't worry. So Eddie goes back to his desk.
in his office and he finds who's in there but father christmas and he's not not giving him presents is he he's putting joints big big 80s marijuana joints

(01:36:53):
pcp pills cocaine don't know where he's got it all from heroin he's pouring it all into his top drawer and then he must have just got so many pawn because he pawned it and he managed to pay a gun when he pawned
pawned uh his rolex watch he must have got some extra money he must have just gone to the first dealer and said give me everything you've got and i'll buy it off you now
I want a nice range of drugs, please. The whole range. His idea is to plant it in his desk so he gets fired, so he can get his own job back. It's not the best. He is losing it, though, so it's not the best of ideas.

(01:37:26):
So a few other people come into the office at this point, and Eddie Murphy's like, call security, this guy's... And he's like, no, I've caught him red-handed, look, look, he's got all these drugs in his jaw, and he's like...
And Eddie Murphy's like, clearly he's planning this. And so the day was a return. This is like the briefcase early. He's like, no, clearly the...
Clearly he's planning all this on me. But we've got also this time around, though, not a naive person that's like, oh my God, I'm being mugged. This time we've got someone who says, well, this is clearly framed because we've got the streets or someone who's actually logically thinking looking at this person.

(01:37:57):
so Dan Aykroyd pulls his gun out and he pulls his gun on Eddie
and everyone backs up a little bit and then he just runs into the party screaming like a madman dressed as santa with a gun at this point though he has the gun he stands on the table as he moves the gun around everyone ducks and he loves the power
He now has once again. For one second he has power. And he's so drunk as well at this point.

(01:38:22):
So that's Sam gone. Eddie goes, well, fuck it, I'm going to keep, when he's clearing out the desk and putting it in the bin, he puts a joint in his pocket. So he goes off to the toilet to smoke a reefer.
Yeah, and he's having a little reefer in the cubicle. And for his reason, he puts his... This would not happen. He just basically puts his feet on top of the toilet. So if anyone came in, they wouldn't see anybody in there. Yeah, you'd fucking see a load of smoke.

(01:38:48):
going up a ventilation system and you just think those those guys the dukes have probably been in that toilet a million times if they can then they're like sticks of bloody weed in here but they might not know what that is no also those joints are like proper big
jamaican joints aren't they they're like they're not like it's not it's not because he puts inside his mouth when they come in oh god yeah he does swallow it he says so yeah well let's get to that so the dukes walk in

(01:39:13):
They check under the cubicles to see if anyone's in there. Because they're going to have their discussion about their bet. And then they talk about the bet. And they say, well, the bet, it looks like we've done it. Because there is Lewis, a drunken drug.
crazed gun-toting madman on the edge of desperation. And we've got Billy Ray Valentine, who is a successful, you know,

(01:39:37):
trader everybody loves him he's brilliant he's well liked he's he's got some good manners now well let's uh let's say that the bet is done how much was it for again a dollar is always yes one dollar and he hears this and he thinks
how is you know what's what's going on here and then he hears him say now how do we go about reversing this

(01:39:59):
this and he says well should we reverse it i don't think we can i mean we can easily make billy ray valentine's life fall apart just like we do with lewis and he'll be back out on the streets in a week and then i don't really know if i want lewis back in the organization to be honest we certainly don't want an
n-word running this this organization do we and that's when his heart sinks and he thinks these guys have really played me here and not only have they played me they're awful racist pieces of shits as well

(01:40:26):
and then they say well this sounds like a job for the new year let's sort all this out let's get christmas out of the way and we'll deal with this in the first part of january and he thinks
That's it. I've got to go and find Lewis. So he runs and he's trying to find Dan Aykroyd. He sees a different Santa get on a bus. We get this horrible scene of Dan Aykroyd. Get us on the bus.

(01:40:49):
His life ruined. He's just pulled a gun on everyone he's to work with. He's drunk. He starts pulling meat out of his...
Trousers on this bus full of people. And he makes all these noises. With beard all over it. Me and Sarah are both like, oh, looking away from it. It's fake beard. It's a bit yucky. He's chewing his fake beard up while he's eating it. It's just awful. I don't like eating fish anyway.
way so it comes across very horrible um and then then he gets off the bus and then a dog just pisses on him in the street and then it starts raining on him he puts the gun to his head and he pulls the trigger but

(01:41:20):
He didn't have enough money for the bullets, so it was an empty gun. When he go on the bus, Eddie actually follows in a taxi. He does. Because Eddie's like, fuck, I need to talk to him. And he sees him, and he goes, hey, look, I need to talk to you. And he goes, argh.
and just walks off. Like a zombie Santa. It's quite cool. Pretty much. And it gets even darker now because he goes back to Ophelius, he locks himself in the bathroom, and he takes a bottle of pills. Eddie comes around and he says,

(01:41:48):
Hey, I need to speak to Lewis. Is he here? She's like, well, yeah, but who are you? And he's like, my name is Billy Ray Valentine and we've been duped. Where is he? She's like, he's in the bathroom. So he kicks the door in.
And they find him in the bath, passed out with the pills everywhere. Cut to... Wow. I know. I know. Cut to, though. He wakes up in bed, and the camera's panned on it over the top of him in bed, and he's like...

(01:42:11):
My bed. Oh, my bed. Oh, my God. It was just a dream. Oh, it's just a dream. Oh, my God. And he looks like it was a Coleman.
Oh, Coleman, I wouldn't believe the dream I had. Da-da-da-da-da, then says the N-word again or something like that, and then looks up, and Eddie Murphy goes, oh, it's you, jumps out and grabs him, says, you, I get it, and he says, it was not me, it was the jokes.

(01:42:34):
it was not me it's quite a very funny scene actually and he reveals to him we cut then to them just sitting around and he says look it's an experiment
We are part of a social experiment that they wanted to do where they were switching us around. I overheard the whole thing. And we're guinea pigs. And the butler says, I can confirm.

(01:42:57):
which unfortunately is giving up his job almost because him doing that is like he's basically getting fired because as soon as the jigs find that out if he like you know be like right you're fired so he's very good doing that
But also, we've got here now, when this happens, Dan Aykroyd of all sudden, for the past week...
what has it been about a week probably since it's all changed I guess because obviously he had fever and stuff like that so it's a couple of days maybe four or five days four days I don't know in that time he's had like lessons of life

(01:43:28):
thrown at him like almost like so is eddie so is eddie murphy yeah yeah totally totally but like
Money isn't everything. Now, Dan Aykroyd's a different person from what the Dukes knew, and he is. His character has changed, it's grown, and he's got more street smarts. So him and Eddie together...
They come up with a skin. Yeah, because Eddie understands the way that this world works, this rich world works now, but you can use his street smarts.

(01:43:53):
and then at the same time yeah exactly and the dukes completely underestimated this they did not think this plan through
They didn't think they were going to team up and take them down the way they're about to do. It's great. So they know that there's this crop report coming out on New Year's Eve. Well, that's because while they're chatting, Ophelia sees on television, she sees Mr Beaks and she says, that's the guy who paid me to put...

(01:44:16):
pretend to want drugs from you and and then oh he's he must be a spy and he's the reason for all of this like he's like in um what do they call it like a
i can't remember what you call it now but basically a spy within the industry who basically makes things happen and does all the underhanded things that's why he gets paid ten thousand dollars a month by the dukes um so they've got their plan to to ruin everything for them

(01:44:43):
because they're going to corner the orange juice market in a few days. So they've got a plan in action to flip that.
And I love this. This is where we're going to the third act. And the third act to me, because of so many 80s movies, you actually had that 80s horror movie with Jamie Lee Curtis on New Year's Eve on a train. Yep.
and then just a couple of other movies set around this sort of time in the 80s. This third act almost in my head feels like another comedy movie.

(01:45:10):
Do you know what I mean? It's a New Year's Eve party on a train. It feels like a different movie, even though it's a part of the movie. It's quite refreshing when you get to this point. You're like, oh, great. We're now going to train. We also meet now James Belushi.
We're also going to get some guerrilla rape later on, which is very uncomfortable, I should imagine, for the man involved as well. Yeah, James Belushi shows up in this, which is...

(01:45:35):
Strange. No, it would have been SNL connections. Um...
as a drunken guy in a gorilla suit like you said everyone's in their costumes on this on this train but basically it's a new year's eve pie on a train and uh their plan is that beaks is going to be on his train on his way to meet the dukes to give the crop report
on New Year's Day so he's got to go on a train they realise they find out what train it's going to be on so they

(01:45:59):
They come up with a plan. All four of them have their own character. Did they get in costume beforehand and start coming up with their characters? Because they've...
They've worked it well. Apart from when Coleman, when Jamie Lee Curtis says, hello, I'm from Sweden. And Coleman says, but you're wearing Lederhausen, obviously being German. He says, yes, from Sweden. He's like, okay, because he's like, you haven't worked this out.

(01:46:24):
so let's let's break down the plan it's so good except blackface yes well we'll get to that but um So, yeah, the plan is switch the briefcase out, give the Duke brothers a fake crop report so they lose all their money and Dan Aykroyd and...
billy murphy billy murphy eddie murphy will then make loads of money and they'll share it with coleman and ophelia and the four of them can go off into the sunset ridge and it does work out for them you know spoiler alert but so that's the plan but yes let's get into their characters so

(01:46:56):
Mr. Beats goes into a...
a train carriage on his own and he's very sort of checking that there's no one else around he takes his job very seriously in walks an old drunken priest and it's coleman he's like ah hello there you're okay and he's irish he's putting an irish accent he's like would you like a bottle a little bit of the odd whiskey there
oh yes oh no thank you and he's chatting away and mr beats is thinking oh am i gonna have to put up with this guy for the whole for the whole thing they're too over the top that's the problem it's way too over the top and elaborate but yeah go on

(01:47:26):
well then eddie walks in and he's he's a nigerian exchange student uh cameroon an exchange from cameroon and he's like merry new year and he's like it's happy new year and he's like yes yes merry new year to you my friend
and then he starts saying would you like some beef jerky and he's like no and then he's putting on this crazy african accent it's so funny um uh you know so you've got this irish drunk guy and then you've got this cameroon Cameroonian exchange student and then it walks

(01:48:00):
the gorgeous Jamie Lee Curtis in Lederhosen and she's like I am Spelga I am Elga from Sweden and she's like could you help me with my backpack and she sort of thrusts her boobs into Mr Beek's face and distracts him yeah yeah sure okay
So they switch the briefcases out, which is the first part of it. Then they've got to move the paperwork around and then switch them back.

(01:48:21):
And then Dan Aykroyd comes in, and just when you thought this scene was brilliant, it unfortunately aged very bad. When I was younger to watch this, I didn't think anything of it. I was like, oh yeah, he's going along with it because he's in character.
You don't think any of it. Dan Aykroyd turns up as a Jamaican. He's got dreads and a... He's got the full accent. A painted face. He's like, yo, man!

(01:48:46):
And then, because he's black and Eddie Murphy's black, he's like, they know each other. Even though Cameroon is in Africa and Jamaica is in America, they know each other because they're black. And he's like, hey, man, I recognise you. And he's like, oh, yes, of course.
as I know you're my friend yeah and he starts smoking so then he's smoking drugs so now the carriage is full of marijuana smoke it's got Jamie Lee Curtis's boobs Irish drunk I'm looking at a promotional photo from them standing in the train someone's taking Eddie

(01:49:14):
Murphy's laughing. They've all got their arms around each other. Eddie Murphy's sort of smiling. Coleman there, he's sort of just... Jamie Lewis Curtis is smiling away, kind of looking off camera. Then Dan Aykroyd is like, yeah! A massive grin on his face as a raster.
It's very strange. But Mr. Beaks does...
see the switch. Because like you said, Gav, there are two over the top. They give the game away a little bit. Lionel Joseph! Oh, Lionel Joseph! Oh my God. Before, very quickly, when Beaks is on his train, sitting in his seat, the gorilla comes by and they stop for the moment because the gorilla had...

(01:49:48):
that's like, it's my turn to drive. You drove yesterday. No, it's my turn to drive. Say pause there because they're a bit...
bit thick these two and he looks at him and he starts putting faces at the gorilla setting up the gorilla but even though the gorilla doesn't know that's him later on but he gets his comeuppance from the gorilla later on
He does. He really does. But anyway, so we've got our four planned characters set up in the room. They do give the game away.

(01:50:12):
And Mr Beeps does. They don't, first of all, though, they get away with it. They basically take the, when he puts, he helps Jamie Lee Curtis, because she's got her boobs in his face, up with her thing. They manage to get the suitcase, briefcase away, go out the room, change the plans.
come back and it's when they're swapping it back he sees so they almost got away with it yeah and he so he makes them all march at gunpoint into the baggage coach yeah and he

(01:50:40):
He knows, you know, I know who the four of you are. I can't believe you were trying to do this. You thought you could get away with it. But he backs up towards the gorilla cage. He does. Who does that? Who backs up to a gorilla cage? Nobody. Well, then in walks...
Jim Belushi, James Belushi. Yes, that's a gorilla. And the gorilla behind Beaks is just like, oh, there's another gorilla.

(01:51:00):
And he's like, hey, man, are you guys having a party in here as well? Wow, typical Belushi. Well, actually, earlier on, when he's been forcing them to go through, Jamie Curtis says, hey, who are you? She says, I'm from Sweden. And he says, hey, OK. And he says, who's that, your dad?
about beaks and he goes following after hey come here because he's just in party mode and he's seen Jamie Lee Curtis's boobs so he's on a lot of cocaine he's just playing himself yeah pretty much just playing himself really well his brother is very much into cocaine

(01:51:29):
Well, I think both Belushi's probably... I guess, maybe. It was the 80s. Yeah. So they knock out... The gorilla sees the fake gorilla. He knocks out Mr. Beaks. Did we talk about... Sorry, very quickly. Did we talk about Popeye before?
the production is apparently because it's apparently the most coked out production ever because like someone went down there and his executive producer went down there and he said out of all the movies i went on the 80s popeye was the one which was like

(01:51:57):
everybody was fucked on coke did we not speak about it I've never seen the movie we did no I've seen it me and my sister used to rent it out a lot really I'm going to have to watch it then it's quite a dark film at times it's very strange for it
Based on a cartoon. Anyway, we're back with a gorilla and them at gunpoint. Yeah, he knocks out Mr. Beaks, so they tie him up.

(01:52:19):
Yeah, and they tie him up and they ask James Belushi if they can have his gorilla costume and he's like drunk and high and he's like, yeah man, take it. Then he walks back in the carriage and he goes, look what happened to me! And everyone's like, hooray! So the party just carries on.
yeah um they put him in the cage and the gorilla just seems really happy with him and starts pulling him close towards him you think look surely this isn't gonna happen

(01:52:48):
um let me get away from that for a little bit do gorillas have large penises no i should imagine they do i need to find out i should imagine a silverback gorilla is
the government hack into my computer and say watch his search engine do gorillas have large penises like we don't need to keep an eye on him he's fighting david attenborough has certainly never covered that in one of his um wildlife programs this

(01:53:16):
12 inch penis of the silverback gorilla no gorillas actually have relatively small penises especially when compared to the large body size they are among the smallest in the primate world averaging around 1.25 inches
oh then it's not which is tiny compared to human proportions but for the sake of this it's a huge gorilla having its way with a man so it

(01:53:38):
we're led to believe it's quite a big thing and also he's very powerful gorilla as well isn't it you know yeah you're more likely to get crushed enough yeah um so we don't see any of that as yet because the next scene now is the dukes Pulling up in a car park to do this dodgy deal with...
what's the guy from the x-files called it's kind of like that kind of cancer man it's that kind of thing so they turn out and somebody's in the shadows and they think it's mr beaks and he does an impression of him eddie doesn't he's like

(01:54:09):
And he kicks the briefcase over to them. And they're like, thank you, Mr Beeks. Your next check will be with you soon. And as he backs away, we see that it's actually Eddie Murphy in disguise. And he's really pleased about it. And so he's giving them the fake crop report.
so then we cut to lewis saying thank you all so much for all giving me your life savings i promise you this is going to work so they've all given him their life savings or i don't know how much anymore if he's got probably not a lot well he might have a lot because he's been rich for a week

(01:54:38):
So he goes to go and turn this into a lot of money on the stock exchange. And I don't really understand the stock exchange, so I'm not going to pretend to understand what's going on. But all I know is...
They go into this room, and everyone's screaming and shouting, and Eddie Mopin and Dan Aykroyd are sort of hidden within the crowd of people that are going, bye, bye, sell, sell, bye, bye. And they're waiting, though.

(01:55:02):
and they're waiting for the rejection. Eddie's like, come on, come on, go go. Dan's like, no, no, no. And they all start going, oh, I don't understand it. Because they have these bits of paper and they're just going to write it down. How do they keep any organisation going? That's what I was thinking. It's ridiculous.
It makes no sense. But apparently one of the most stressful jobs I think there is. Go on. Apparently they... Have you seen the video? Sorry, very quickly. Have you seen the video of Robert Downey Jr. at Stock Exchange?

(01:55:29):
No, I haven't. He's at Stock Exchange. He's quite a lot younger. And he's watching them. And he's standing outside talking. And he says, I've never seen such a horrible group. It just goes through this whole thing.
greedy horrible scum sucking people in one room it's like because he's there looking at all going what the fuck is going on here it's quite interesting apparently for this scene they they actually had to pause trading and they lost

(01:55:56):
like half a million dollars or something ridiculous in three minutes worth of pausing so they could film this scene. Did Paramount have to pay back? I don't really know how it worked really. Shit.
Why don't you just fucking make a set? I don't know. But the Dukes are... They spot Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy within the crowd. Yeah, like, what am I doing here?

(01:56:20):
And they're like, let's stop them, but they can't get to them in time. They realise, because everybody's looked at the Dukes and said, look, the Dukes know something. So they start jumping on the Dukes thing. So all this money is basically going on what the Dukes think.
Dan and Eddie are betting on the underdogs, so to speak. No one else is. So they're being able to buy stocks really, really cheaply, which is going to make them very...

(01:56:48):
very rich because everyone's putting all their money on the other stocks but they're this is where it all fucks up for them well the dukes are down 394 million dollars and amazing how quickly that could happen though
insane isn't it they're declared bankrupt on the spot by the owners of the stock exchange are like right you owe us that money and they're like well we're gonna have to take you and they're like no

(01:57:14):
The Dukes have been in this organisation for generations. You can't do this to us tonight. Not anymore, buddy. Not anymore.
um and they're ruined one of the brothers has a heart attack so it's falling on the other guy says your brother's having a heart attack says oh forget about him no he doesn't say that he says
I think your brother needs medical attention. He goes, fuck him. It's so good because it comes out of nowhere. And yeah, we see one of them taken off in an ambulance. Just before that.

(01:57:46):
like eddie and dan say uh okay so there you go uh you i believe you won the bet here you go and pulls out a crisp dollar and goes thank you thank you oh my god there's a really good chemistry
between Aykroyd and Murphy. It's really, really good, yeah. And like I say, I think John Landis is putting this all together nicely. I think John Landis is the glue, you know. Final moment for Mr. Becks. We see the gorilla in the...

(01:58:14):
Mr. Beats, sorry, we see a gorilla in the cage with the other gorilla. And he's like, hey, I thought it was only supposed to be one gorilla. And he's like, I don't know, maybe one of them is the female. And he's like, which one? And he's like, the little one must be the female, which is obviously Mr. Beats. And makes his eyes go, ooh!
and then he goes well let's get them off to Africa because it looks like they're getting frisky in there and you see them being loaded onto a cargo plane a boat and then

(01:58:38):
what a brilliant final shot because it kind of tricks us a little bit because you see eddie murphy um on the beach with a girl i can't remember who the girl is and then he says hey goldman
what what are we doing for dinner and you think coleman's still their butler but coleman's on holidays right he's like well i don't care so we can have the cracked crab or the lobster and then the girl's like why do we have both

(01:59:02):
yeah and he's like yeah good idea and then they all sort of cheers their drinks and then dan aqua's on the yacht out at sea and he shouts out
hey looking good billy ray and he's like feeling good and they're all so happy and they're living the good life and they've won and they got 394 million dollars and they're living in the caribbean

(01:59:24):
dan akroyd eddie murphy jamie d curtis and colman the butler and that's the end and it's great eddie murphy is like i said at the beginning simply phenomenal in this his acting range his his character arc he does actually hold back quite a lot because i think as he

(01:59:45):
became more Eddie Murphy like by the time he was Axel Foley he was just Eddie Murphy in every movie which was great in the Beverly Hills Cop movies but it can be grating but in this he does hold pull it back a little bit I think
I think it was his second theatrical role. I think it was the first movie he starred in. It was 48 Hours before this. I think 48 Hours might have been before this. Yeah, 48 Hours was the first film he did.

(02:00:11):
That's right. It's the first film and then he did this. So what a great couple of movies to start his career with. Dan Aykroyd's really good in it as well. Again, I've not seen him play a character quite like this before. He's quite vulnerable because we think he's a dick, a rich...
rich dick but he's actually quite vulnerable and just gets played just like everybody else um but yeah it's a great great tale of morality it's a bit of a christmas carol or a it's a wonderful life what if

(02:00:38):
you know you get to look at what your life could be like if you were in different circumstances and you get to appreciate what you've got
But it's all done in a very comical, Christmassy way, a very 80s way. And like you said, Gav, I think what summed it up is what you said earlier about Eddie Murphy looking at the camera.
It knows it's a story and it's a film. It doesn't try to sort of make it too serious. It is serious at times, but all the way through, it's just a fun ride, isn't it? All the way through.

(02:01:11):
It's great stuff. It's really, really good. Right. Let's definitely recommend for me if you've never seen that film. Now, shall we get on to... No.
We won't get onto a trailer, because I see a certain 80s actor from CNL has appeared in the room. Yes, and he's in a Santa costume as well, a dirty Santa costume, and he's pulling me out of his trousers, but...

(02:01:33):
It is a different type of meat he's pulling out of his trousers. I thought he said he was pulling you out of his trousers. Pulling me out of his trousers. No, no, he's pulling himself out of his trousers. Is that, what kind of sausage is, oh.
Okay. I'm not having that for Christmas. Look at those sprouts. Well, Bill Murray, could you please, Bill Murray Christmas to you. Yes, I did say it, Bill.

(02:01:56):
merry christmas go if you want some sort of essay merry christmas right shall we do it please take us into world of the strange bill hi welcome back to world of the strange

(02:02:16):
Well, thank you, Murray. Bill Murray.
He's put his sprouts away for now and his pig in a blanket. So that's good. So yeah, it's Christmas time. We all give and receive presents and gifts at Christmas time, don't we?

(02:02:45):
and we always get a gift every year but we're not quite really it's always like some socks or a hanky or something but you know you're grateful for it they're not always very well thought out sometimes though we get gifts that are perhaps a little bit inappropriate
as well um i remember my grandfather purchasing me my dad my brother and sister and mum a knit comb each for christmas once

(02:03:11):
None of us had knits or had lice. Yeah, I reckon your dad just happened to be somewhere where they'd given out knit combs. Well, it was my grandfather that did that. Your grandfather was somewhere where they'd given out knit combs.
I said to my dad, what's this? Why is this brush like this? And he said, it's a knit comb. And I said, have I got knits? I was only about 10. And he said, no, I don't know why your grandpa's done that. Don't worry about it. I was like, okay. I just think small children have knits.

(02:03:37):
But I have a list of very inappropriate gifts that have been given out at Christmas to people, and I'm going to go through that with you. Oh, go for it. Some of these are very quick, rapid fire. First one is...
Guy was a recovering alcoholic and his brother gave him a bottle of whiskey for Christmas. That is fucking harsh. Yeah. Maybe say it to him as a test.

(02:04:06):
Another one is a girl, somebody said, my cousin lost all of her hair during cancer treatment, but her parents got a beauty basket of hair products for her birthday.
What? I can see a pattern there. When I gave up drinking, my mum and dad actually, for that Christmas, gave me Jack Daniel's shot glass and a little miniature bottle, and I said, I don't drink. She said, oh, what? She gave up drinking. Yes, I don't drink anymore. Done.

(02:04:33):
here's another one two weeks after having my child my mother gave me a set of bathroom scales for christmas wow my sister got given
A designer purse, a laptop and $400 in cash. Yeah, but they know that they could be supplying cash to that woman and her child for much more anyway. That's bad, isn't it? That is bad. This next one's a good one.

(02:04:59):
My auntie was visiting over Christmas. She spent Christmas Day with us. My wife and I spent $50 on a gift basket for her full of cheese, mugs, crackers, spreads, teas, lots of really nice stuff.
The next day, we all went to visit my grandfather. She was there as well, my auntie that I'd given this basket to. My grandfather opened his gift from her and lo and behold, it was the same gift basket we'd just given her. However...

(02:05:27):
About a third of the stuff was missing. She'd basically taken out all the things that she liked and given our grandfather all the things that she didn't want. I like the idea. I like the thinking. She just did that in front of them.
I didn't give a shit. Yeah. But I don't like these crackers and these cheeses so your grandpa can have them. Just replace them. Yeah. With some shitter crackers or something. That's bad, isn't it? That's bad. I don't know.

(02:05:55):
um here's a this is a sad one not sad sad but for my 18th birthday my parents took me to a car dealership and said we're going to buy you a car a used car but we're going to buy you a car for your birthday um then once i started looking around they said
actually actually gav we've decided we don't want to buy you a car i think it's going to just cost too much money and you can't be trusted with it so they let him look around for half an hour trying to pick out a car that he wanted and then said yeah no we're not going to do it

(02:06:23):
We're not going to buy you a car. That's amazing. Merry Christmas. Cheers for that. Merry Christmas to you for that. Let's move on to another one then. This is the next story.
My mum offered to pay for liposuction as a birthday gift. She said, I haven't got you anything yet, but they do vouchers for liposuction treatment. I was thinking about getting you that. You know, for your tummy. You know.

(02:06:49):
Well, they might have had this discussion before, though. No, no. Oh, okay. She says the last sentence is, I've never even been overweight. Oh. Maybe there's an offer.
it's very strange isn't that yeah very strange um moving on to the next one then so uh last year

(02:07:18):
secret santa in the office someone gave me a box of chocolates which had already been opened and about a quarter of the box had been eaten wow we're not doing secret santa in the office this year so it says
After that. Can I tell you my Secret Santa story? I was last night working in Bristol, your town. Sorry I didn't come see you. Twice I've been in Bristol this week and still didn't come see you.

(02:07:45):
Because I can't. Anyway, I was working. Around this time, when I work in offices, lots of people have got all their chocolates and crisps out, and you can eat them. But they had loads of those packets of...
little ones which are a bit like christmas tree like crackery type ones in the big tubes get different oh yeah i love those yeah i was like i really like them i was like but i'm not gonna do it how many hands

(02:08:09):
of people I don't know have been rummaging in this. And I was like, nah. So I left it and had a cherry, for fuck's sake, Terry's chocolate orange slice instead, which was individually wrapped.
Not a clockwork orange. I'll try to say clockwork orange. That's very strange. Okay, sorry, carry on. I just want to quickly tell you my secret Santa story. When I first started a new job,

(02:08:38):
The manager of my team, a lady, she opened a secret Santa and there was a dildo. Nice. A bottle of wine. A pie. And some chocolate. That's a pie.
And the card unsigned, of course, said everything you need for a nice night in on your own from Secret Santa. Yeah. But she was the manager. Yeah, but the manager's probably not getting any.

(02:09:07):
very strange i don't know it's quite good depends who who who what sort of type of people these were you know i bought my sibling a a brand new ipad because i knew that's what they really wanted
for Christmas, and they bought me, they gave me a $15 Starbucks gift card. Yeah, that's not good, but...

(02:09:31):
They'd have the discussion beforehand. What do you want for Christmas? An iPad. Yeah, I can get you an iPad. All right, great, great. Here's a few things I want. All right, great. The worst thing is, I don't even like coffee. Oh, no. Yeah, that's not good.
It's hard when it becomes a presence, when it becomes like a thing. Do you know what I mean? Here's a funny one. For my 17th birthday, I received a gift card.

(02:09:56):
to a woman's clothing store, and this is a guy, a woman's clothing store that had gone out of business a year earlier.
What a waste of fucking time. You can't even go and buy a dress because the shop's shut. Yeah. If you wanted to wear the dress. Yeah. That's not good. It makes me really appreciate all my presents, these stories now.

(02:10:18):
I'll just do a couple more before we wrap up. A lady in my office... Not my office again. It sounds like I'm telling you lots of stories personally. A lady in my office was...
believed to be pregnant so everybody got together and bought her a car seat a baby car seat for christmas and said this will help you know next year when you have the baby turns out she was just fat

(02:10:51):
Awkward, isn't it? Why have you got me this? Well, you know, pointing at the tummy. No, I'm not pregnant. I have said this one before when I asked my mum for a Beastie Boys album and she got me the Pet Shop Boys.
I know that was not good I was like oh ended up actually the album is called actually actually ended up

(02:11:17):
quite liking the album and i still actually listen to it quite once in a while because it's like it's quite good beats and stuff on it i know it's a pet shop boys but actually some of that stuff's okay it's quite catchy pop synth stuff
It's a bit like the time your mum confused the Black Panther with the Pink Panther as well. Oh, that fella from the Pink Panthers died, Gavin. That's her. Pink Panther. Peter Sellers, he died years ago, Mum.

(02:11:41):
Here's another one. We always open our Christmas presents in front of each other. My grandparents handed me my Christmas present from them It was a box with sexy lingerie in it They told me
Quick, quick, go and try it on and show everyone. I was 16 at the time. Oh, no. What the fuck were those grandparents thinking? That's pretty weird.

(02:12:06):
They don't listen to this podcast, so I can quickly tell you this story. I was going to say very quickly, I never spoke to my mum about Black Panther once. I don't even know why she was trying to tell me about this character anyway, the fella that died. She was just telling you what she saw on the news. I guess.
once when Alice was much younger her mum bought her dad for Christmas some underwear but she bought the wrong underwear and she bought him thong

(02:12:33):
You've told this before. Have I? Have I told you this before? I think you've told this one, yeah. It's one of those Tanger Brief thongs. Nice. Apparently he opened it in front of his two daughters and just was like, look at his wife.
the fuck have you bought me and she realized don't show the sexy times presents with the kids in the room wait to the bedroom later but but i do not want to think about my father not wearing a tango brief thong do you know i mean yeah

(02:13:02):
It's bad, it's bad. I'll see if we've got any other ones on this list before we wrap up and head back to Bill Murray. Here we go. My grandmother gave me...
Gave my brother a tea towel for Christmas when he was eight. Nice. A tea towel for an eight-year-old boy.
yeah i imagine if we both like look through all of our presents okay i see them in like in 85 you got this it was all on our table we could see it all we'd probably go that was well shit i'm sure i'm sure that's happened

(02:13:36):
Yeah, probably when we're kids. It's hard, though. I'm sorry, I mean, what can I get Elijah? And he's 11. And it's like...
I don't know. You'd think it'd be really, really easy. It's actually quite hard. What does he do? He likes to play Roblox and watch YouTube. It's like, you know, but yeah.

(02:13:57):
I also once got, this is another one, I once got a used dirty apple slicer from one of my in-laws. It was wrapped up. Everyone around me was opening up lovely presents like scented gifts and lotions.
And I got an apple slicer that still had some dried apple skin on it. Oh, shit. But surely these people are trying to send a message when they give these awful presents. They must be trying to send a message to these people, really.

(02:14:26):
i don't know i feel like apart from the the lingerie grandparents i feel like that's that's just cd and weird um and the last one is one of my colleagues told me what he bought his wife for christmas
He bought her a week in fat camp. He said, do I think that's a good idea? And I said, no. And he said, well, I think she's going to love it. He's not getting laid for 12 months. Apparently they were divorced within a year. There we go. So.

(02:14:54):
That started them down the road to divorce. Oh, the last one, sorry. My uncle gave me a box of turtles one year. Maybe Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just come out.
How many turtles can you get in a box? I don't know. What sort of size box are we speaking?
Even a shoebox, you can get like a good ten baby turtles in there, maybe more. Well, are they baby ones? We don't know. What are you going to do with them all? I don't know. Thanks, Uncle. Why have you got an abundance of turtles?

(02:15:25):
I watched a movie the other day where they just gave out Dead of Winter. Give a shout out to it. I think it was Dead of Winter. They gave out a bag. No, it wasn't. It was Five Nights at Freddy's.
I watched Five Nights at Freddy's part two at the cinema. Part two, yeah. It was actually not bad. It was better than the first one. It actually had, very quickly, it had the two killers from the original screen film.

(02:15:47):
both in the same film. Yes, I've seen that. They are both essentially killers, which is, I was like, that's a strange little nod. It's actually not a too bad film. Really. I'm not going to...
you have to watch the first one to watch the second one but the first one's not really good and if you don't know the games and stuff you probably wouldn't like it but if you know oh it's actually not too bad

(02:16:07):
surprisingly anyway they gave out I think it was that movie they gave out goldfish at a petrol station I feel like it's in that film I can't remember randomly and I was like what did you do with that with a bag of goldfish
Was it that film? No, I feel like it was Dead at Night, which is quite a good movie as well. Dead of Winter. Anyway, sorry. I digressed badly there. That's okay. Well, that's a list of...

(02:16:31):
You know, and I didn't want to get too dark with World of the Strange because it's Christmas and we want to try and keep it festive. But that is the list of relatively inappropriate or strange presents. I think my favourite is still the grandparents going, go on, go and try it on and show everyone.
Their heart was probably in the right place, but they didn't really think it through. No. What's the worst present you've ever received? Can you think?

(02:16:54):
No, I can't. I think the disappointment for thinking I had a Beastie Boys and a Pet Shop Boys album, I think it is. That's quite funny.
yeah i i don't think i didn't know i asked for it and then i opened it up and i was just like what's this the picture boys and i think the realization was worse you know then i put it on and went oh right western girls

(02:17:18):
I mean, they're pretty decent. They're just not the Beastie Boys. It's synth pop. It wasn't. It wasn't. How about you? I think maybe that knit brush, I think. Yeah, yeah. That takes the biscuit.
I was probably about 10 years old and grandpa usually gave me a fiver or bought me like a book voucher. But this year there was a box and I thought, oh great, there's something in here. He put it in a little box for me.

(02:17:43):
And then I realised we were all opening the same present from him. I was like, why has he bought us these head lice brushes? None of us have got it. I've never even had head lice in my life. It's very strange. And that's probably why. Probably because I used that brush. So actually, maybe he did a good thing. Maybe.
i don't know right well thank you bill what's the worst thing you've had bill a cucumber oh i don't know what that means okay interesting

(02:18:10):
Well, Bill, take us out of here. Put that away. Bring us into a trailer for the next movie, Bill. That's all the time we've got for this week on Worldless. Next week, though, give me Ira. Hairless Pets.
Weird I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've lost my influence. Maybe it's time

(02:18:37):
You still have it. Some kids with a deer rifle put two holes in the sleigh, one in me. All I have is a loathing for a world that's forgotten.
The United States military would like to procure your services. This is a one-time deal, gentlemen. How are you, Mike? Nicole and the kids are well, I hope. Where are you?

(02:19:21):
What's the job? I'd like you to kill Santa Claus. I'm looking for the fat man. You can't be serious. This is what people actually think of me.
Christmas is a farce. I am a joke. What's the purpose of your visit? Hunting. I'm gonna kill some things. There is a rising number of our youth making poor decisions.

(02:19:47):
I want the big man's head. Severed heads rot, they mold. They don't want his beard. I'm not shaving off a dead man's beard. Your workers sure have healthy appetites. That's why elves live much longer than humans. And Chris, he does the same.
It's a giving that keeps him young. I've come for your hands, fat man!

(02:20:17):
You think you're the first? Think I got this job because I'm fat and jolly?
euch oben sehen.

(02:20:50):
Hey, whoa! Oh, that's Donner. Lucky it wasn't Blitzers to tear your package clean off. Fat Man. I am not. I was waiting for that. Fat Man from 2020. Rated R for... pirates one hour and 40 minutes a rowdy unorthodox santa claus is fighting to save his declining business meanwhile billy

(02:21:16):
A neglected and precocious 12-year-old hires a hitman to kill Santa after receiving a lump of coal in his stocking. I think that's a terrible portrayal of...
of Mel Gibson a rowdy unorthodox Santa Claus I don't unorthodox I'd say possibly in his business ethics but I don't know if they put him across as rowdy he's just he's just

(02:21:44):
likes to look after himself and have a fight. I don't know if that's class as rowdy. He's not starting beef with people. He's just... No, he's finishing it. He's a bit rough and ready. Yeah, yeah, he's not to cause net. It comes to him, but, you know, so I think that's a disjustice on the character. Anyway!
This is my choice from last year when I watched it, and I said, you've got to check out this movie. I think it's pretty much under the radar still, I would like to say, and I don't feel like many people have seen it.

(02:22:12):
Agreed, yeah. My dad's seen it, my dad likes it. The rating of 34,000 is okay, but nothing amazing, you know. It's quite funny, you can see the popularity of movies from how many people have rated them, stuff like that. You can see it across the board of different films.
But I love this film. I like the fact that this feels like a 70s movie in a way, but with the styling and ethics of editing in the 20...

(02:22:40):
20s or whatever, do you know what I mean? Or where this was made.
Yeah. It's just kind of got a real... You can imagine it, but they might have made it in the 70s, but they probably wouldn't. I don't know. Probably not because Santa Claus would have been more beloved.
There's probably only a certain time they could have made this where like there's a hit man going off Santa Claus, but it's still almost like a Western type film But I feel like it feels like a 70s film in a way. There's a bit when there's this amazing bit with Walter Goggins Who's our hit man by the way Mel Gibson's our Santa Claus

(02:23:10):
Which are great. They're both great characters to have together. And they only share a very small bit of screen time. The whole time it's them and they're separate stories.
But there's one bit just to show, and it's not an ingenious, it's not like, oh my God, these guys are genius directors. It's because it's actually two directors, two brothers. It's brothers, yeah.

(02:23:32):
when it comes down to it's got water goggles is traveling from a to b to c to d to e to f and generally you don't show that or if you do need to show it there's you can do stuff and the easiest way to do these little cuts of them drive along but the way they do it it was so
i find almost the musical scene it's the music yeah it's a different genre not just a different song it's a different genre which kind of goes like he drove from state to state to state to state he drives to canada basically to go for wherever he's coming from

(02:24:01):
It's going all the way to Alaska. And it's such a long drive that he goes through these different genres of music, like say he's listening to Spotify or some shit, and he just goes, ah, I do, because I relate to this, I drive a lot, so sometimes I'm like,
Fuck it. You know, Siri, play some something for me. Play some rock for me or play some metal for me. Play some hard hip-hop for me. Do you know what I mean? I go through these different genres just like, what genre of music do I feel today? And I play it. And I love the way that they...

(02:24:27):
used that to go through the extent of the length of his travelling via him going I've listened to like 20 songs of hip hop yeah
Then it goes to pop, then there's gospel, then there's hip-hop, then there's Christmas music. Or maybe it's even more clever than that. The way they go for it, maybe the different states they're going through, that sort of genre of music comes from it.

(02:24:49):
it could be even that clever but i just it's just little things like that made this movie a little bit more special than normal so a couple of little bits before we get into this one then so yeah this is my second watch i think your second watch as well um
You recommended it to me. I watched it last Christmas and really enjoyed it. It's a strange mix of John Wick, Santa Claus the movie, a couple of other little things rolled in there.

(02:25:17):
and it's almost a bit of a Fargo because of the snowy setting. It feels a bit like the Coen Brothers type. It definitely does. There's a funny thing with this and Violent Night where all of a sudden you have to...
put aside the and the fact that santa claus is not real sorry kids if you're out there you're listening um but like you have to just go out no santa claus does exist with us

(02:25:44):
And he's a thing that does actually fly through. But we don't ever talk about it. It's not even a special thing. He's been with us the whole time. He is actually a person that lives in Canada and flies around at Christmas Eve giving out presents. And he actually has...
a factory full of elves and this must be a known thing because it's not a weird thing do you mean the fact that the kid goes right i'm gonna get you dead he knows that elvis why does it elvis he knows that santa claus

(02:26:08):
Maybe Elvis was Santa Claus. I'd love to see that. Was actually giving out presents and shit. Do you know what I mean?
so i find this such a strange movie but at first i didn't like it like violent night where it's like no this is actually santa claus and you've got to believe that in this movie here at no point whatsoever in this film do we have any markers or anything to discussing it

(02:26:30):
It's just a thing. We go into the movie going, he is Santa Claus. He doesn't even say it. He just says, I've got a lot of work to do tonight. It's made out as in normal blue-collar person going about their day-to-day with their wife who's struggling for money.
But his occupation has to be the only occupation only one person in the world actually does in Santa Claus. Yeah.

(02:26:50):
It's so weird. And the government gives him money. Well, this is what sells it, is that the government are linked to it. Because they would be, you know. They give him money because they want to keep the Christmas spirit alive so they can sell.
Coca-Cola and trinkets with his face on them and all that kind of stuff, you know. Of course, of course. It's such a clever, sneaky movie. And we don't get any backstory. We don't get how old he is. We get that he's probably...

(02:27:15):
maybe immortal we don't know that we we see that he can survive bullets and things we don't find out his backstory we don't need to we don't care about the elves the government don't seem that bothered about it when they meet the elves they question them you know why do you eat so much sugar and stuff like this
And they give some scientific reasons about the way they are. But the government don't question it. And then, of course, you know...

(02:27:37):
And again, this is jumping ahead a little bit, but then, of course, the government approach them and say, look, you're losing money every year, Santa, or Chris, Chris Kringle. So, look, if you help us build some jet fighters, because your elves can build stuff, like...
super quick super efficiently if you help us build some weapons some you know possibly some missiles some jet fighters we will give you more money than you know what to do with

(02:28:01):
let's try it for a couple of months and if the contract if you're happy with it we can make this like a 15 year contract and that's quite like they just do it it's quite a almost apart from the santa side of it it's quite a realistic
uh storyline plot line you know and then throw in the fact what makes it a fargo movie is like you said there are two stories that smash together at the end one of them is a hitman on his way

(02:28:28):
He's doing stuff for this kid, but then he gets sent to find Chris Gringle. And the other one is all based at Chris Gringle's farm with him and his wife. They're being all cosy. They love each other. They've probably been married for hundreds of years.
And he's Santa and he's got his elves. And we know that at some point these two are going to collide because one of them has been paid to kill Santa. But also, how dark is it that you've got a Santa movie where Santa's being... And I know Violet Knight was quite...

(02:28:55):
you know obviously quite violent but this is like a hitman it's been hired by a child and the kid that plays him as well amazing i mean i know we are going to get into all of this in a minute anyway so i love this the first time i watched it i really feel like
He channels Riggs in this a lot, Mel Gibson. You know, there are times where... Because I think Riggs is his sort of... It's his go-to. His top character that he's played. It's that broken, hurt...

(02:29:22):
vulnerable yeah I think he plays like sometimes you have some people who you know like when you get Danny Dyer you get Danny Dyer i think mel gibson rigs in mel gibson yeah yeah because he does feel like he's a bit grumpy but he's also like you don't fuck with him as well you know
the end scene which we'll get to is fantastic as well I'm looking at a picture of him now how hard he looks

(02:29:46):
It just looks tough as fuck. I hate the fact, as you can see, I am very much now in the Father Christmas realm of beard and with my grain beard. It's just happened. I'm Doctor Strange at the moment because I've got all the edges.
at the moment and that's it just not too strange but and mine's not far off the length of Mel's there this is a bit more but I still wouldn't be able to get it but then again they would have literally had that comb and stuff just before they shot like someone had got out of frame as they said okay action

(02:30:15):
beards like that but I can never keep my beard that good but I try I do try but I'm at that realm now of life where I'm getting into Mel Gibson beard territory yeah I can't wait I can't wait till I look at Kurt Russell in um
The Christmas Chronicles. Big, grey, white beard. Right, let's get into this. We've got this spoilt kid.

(02:30:40):
starting off this movie, is obviously a child that's got an inheritance. I know someone like this who's had an inheritance all of his life and probably still does. I think I might know who you're talking about.
I think I've been to their house. Nope. Maybe not then. Yes, a young boy and he's writing a letter to Santa. Very rich kid. Billy.

(02:31:06):
this is so we'll get we'll we'll learn more about him as we go on kid that plays him is a really great actor because this is a chance to not just play a typical kid in a christmas movie he plays that absolute little shit
And we'll get to that. So we see Santa. Very quickly, we don't really find out or know the kid's backstory, really. We know his dad doesn't really give a shit, but he's got enough money that he can have his kid have a whole life.

(02:31:33):
of butlers and fucking everything. Well, it's very much like Lewis from Trading Places, isn't it? Again, we always do this. There's a parallel here. This could be a young Lewis, do you know what I mean, from Trading Places? Yeah. No, because Dan Atcore is not as evil as this kid, that's for sure.
But this kid's like proper evil and his evilness comes more and more so from his lack of love from a parent at the end of the day.

(02:31:57):
And we don't really get to know about his backstory, his father, where the money comes from or anything. He just happens to be there like Father Christmas is. We just go along with the story and we start rolling with it. And he's got servants and butlers. We'll see all of that in a moment.
We see our first sign of Chris Kringle and he's practicing shooting. He's got a load of bottles and cans lined up and he does not miss because he's been around for hundreds of years, I expect. So he's been practicing shooting for a long time.

(02:32:25):
And it's really interesting. You see him shooting and hitting everything. And his wife comes out. Mrs. Claus comes out. What's her name in this? Ruth. His wife's called Ruth in this. She comes out and she's like, hey.
how you doing are you okay and she's like yeah not too bad i'm just she's like well when you finish shooting all the trash you might want to get started on you know getting ready for doing your rounds you know what i mean um but i need to let you know that

(02:32:52):
this has been our lowest year on record for letters coming for you you know the christmas spirit is really low and i don't know how much money the government's going to give us so we're not the government i'm sorry
I was gonna say I think so it's like the government give them money based on the Christmas spirit and because kids are little shits these days you know he which he says in this himself he's like they're just so awful these little children

(02:33:18):
There's just Christmas spirit is dwindling and he knows he's going to get a really weak amount of money from the government this year. But he's still...
Gotta go out and do it, because he's Kris Kringle. It's funny, if there's no message coming from this, we don't get, like, a tale come first at the end as a good outcome. We get to it, but...
We don't really. Very quickly, going back to the letter speaking, the little kid himself, we're introduced to him in the way he lives and his inheritance-type lifestyle.

(02:33:47):
he's writing a letter to santa then the contrast of a child writing a letter to santa because kids write a letter to santa but then the contrast of him saying can you get my jet ready i'm gonna leave soon yeah is
Not what you expect the kid to say after he's writing a letter to Santa Claus. Not many kids say that, and they actually mean it. Then he finds out his dad's not going to be there for Christmas, which pisses him off, but he's very respectful to his grandma.

(02:34:11):
Yeah, she says, I'm sorry that your father won't be here. You know how busy he is with work. And obviously he earns a hell of a lot of money.
but he's a kid and he you know and he goes out and he has a whole fleet of staff there sort of standing there and they all really respect him like super respect him and it's like his dad must be like crazy powerful

(02:34:35):
like proper crazy stuff like there's the kid bigger yes yes sir you know to the kid and that's that's how he knows he knows whatever he wants he gets which is going to come into play
Now, we get our first introduction now to Skinny Man, played by Walton Goggins, who is brilliant in this. I love him. He's a great character actor. I've always liked him since House of Thousand Corpses.

(02:35:01):
I think he's great in lots of stuff he shows up in. So he, a man goes to visit him and this man has got a baseball bat and he says, he's very meticulous, skinny man.
Because he's a hitman who does everything exactly. It's all about the detail. That's how he kills people. You know, it's all about the details. So he puts on his little gloves and he gets given a baseball bat. And he says, put it on the table. And he looks at it.

(02:35:26):
And on the end of the baseball bat, there's a little plaque that says, made in Santa's workshop. And he's looking at it and he says, did you got this for Christmas? Did you? He says, yeah, yeah, I got it when I was like 10 years old. I was really into baseball. And Bolton Goggins kind of mumbles to himself.
I never got what I asked for for Christmas. And he says, well, I'll give you $900 for this baseball bat. You expect a no country for old men situation to go on here. He's going to fucking just grab the baseball bat and beat him to death or something. It's like the tensions like that.

(02:35:54):
But it's not at all. There's a reason behind this. And he puts it with his collection, and it seems that he's buying any time someone's got something that says made in Santa's workshop. Because in this world, in this story... The kid's airplane he gets in the car, the little kid. Yeah, he buys it.
because in this world as you said at the beginning Santa is real and he's got a bit of a grudge against Santa so he's collecting things that were made toys which say made in China underneath them it's got made in Santa's workshop yeah

(02:36:20):
So he's collecting them, and he puts the space right in his collection. Then we see Billy... But we don't know why he has this fascination with Santa's workshop. There's something going on there. Yeah.
do the car etc which when this jobber comes to him he's quite up for the job he seems to be the correct candidate so Billy this naughty boy he is at school

(02:36:43):
and his grandma gives him a kiss and says good luck with your science project you win it every year i know you're going to win it this year sorry i can't go with you but i'm incredibly ill she's got tubes up her nose she's in a wheelchair your father is abroad
go win it i know you can do it billy so he's presenting this science project and he overhears them all say well well done to sandy or whatever her name is a little girl you're the winner of the science project all right and he's like what

(02:37:10):
i never lose this can't be this can't be and he's really really pissed off um he's
He gets given a runner-up badge instead of a winning badge. He's pushed into the front of the camera as well. So he's pushed into a situation and he thinks he should have won because that's the way he knows. So he makes a phone call to the skinny mum.

(02:37:32):
who is in the process of killing
just a random couple who have nothing to do with this in their bed I don't feel like even though your dad might be this powerful that your son should be able to have a hitman at his disposal because the rational thought thinking of a child is not good enough to just kill someone
mum because they didn't give you runner-up prize or whatever he's going to do. Do you know what I mean? But I don't think his dad knows about it because he fakes his grandma's signature. Oh, of course he does.

(02:38:02):
So he's doing this really to be, you know, he's doing it secretly. But he does have a person in the car who says, we need to speak to our friend again. So that person in the car does know about it. So he must be paying him off as well from granny's checks. So I love this casual moment. He calls up Skinny Man. He's like, hang on a minute. I'm just working.
kills these couple in the bed and he steps outside and he's like well he approaches this couple in the bed he's sneaking through a house with a fucking um silence on the gun all in black creeps through the house finds the people cocks the gun and his phone rings he's like

(02:38:30):
He answers the phone and says, I'm just working. Just literally just kills two people and then just walks off and sits down in the airway. So what is the gig? Okay, yeah. That's crazy.
and we'll find out what that gig is in a moment it's not that does show his character very well that he's so like i don't give a i can kill anybody without a thought i'm on the phone hang on boom boom i'm just killing people and carry on

(02:38:55):
Like, it's nothing at all. That's a social path. And he's got this thing up against Santa, obviously, because we're going to find out what's going on with the toys from the workshop being collected.
So Chris Kringle is driving into town. His wife's made him a batch of those cookies look good and he's munching on those as he drives.

(02:39:18):
He's off to the post office for a check because he's expecting a check from the government. He said to his wife, it's OK, I know we're skint, so I'm going to go get our check. It'll be all right. He knows, though, he's been a bit worried about it. He knows that the check's not going to be enough.
He knows this. Everybody knows he's Santa because he's got a PO box in the town. That's where all the letters go from all the children around the world. Excuse me. And...

(02:39:44):
On the radio while he's driving there, he hears all these news stories about two children through a brick off a bridge and caused a traffic collision. Another child set their grandparents' house on fire while they were in it and killed them, you know, and he's like, man.
The kids are letting me down left, right and centre. This world is going to shit. That's what he's thinking. Yeah, we see it. So he goes to the post office and the peer box and he says, oh, there's five crates of letters. Should we load them on your truck for you, Chris? And he's like, yeah, thanks. Thanks so much, Bob.

(02:40:11):
And he gets his check, like you said. He takes the check to this bar that he goes to regularly. And this is actually when we see a first instinct of him being...
father christmas and not just a regular joe because we still at this point have not had any actual clarification or any talk of that it's very subtle this is where he just sees the character goes up to the guy's like can i help you he goes hiya mike how you doing and it's just

(02:40:35):
starts talking to him he knows him as a kid he knows everybody that because his father christmas so mike is this guy in a bar and he's floating with the barmaid and the barmaid says to him i'll tell you what i'll
I'll go out the back in a minute and maybe me and you can hook up. And then she leaves her and that's when Mel starts chatting to him. And he sits next to him. He says, Mike, listen, you've got a wife at home and a child at home.

(02:41:01):
If you leave now, you could be with them. You could drive. You'll be there tomorrow. Drive all night, and you could be there in the morning.
He says, who are you? And he says, I'm just a guy who's going to pay for your beer and let you go now. Go on, I'm buying you your beer so you don't even need to pay off you go. And Mike thinks it through and he thinks, all right.
So he leaves and she comes out and she's like, why is it every time I chat to a guy in this bar and you're here, they disappear? He's like, oh, I don't know. And then she says, open the letter. You always sit here looking at that. You never open it. Just open it. And he opens the cheque.

(02:41:33):
and it's we don't see how much it is but it's not as much as they were getting last year or probably the year before it's been going down every single year yeah um
and that and that seems to be his problem and that's why he gets the government well he takes on a project which we get to but yeah it's funny so that means that that barmaids they're just like get shagging married men on the regular

(02:41:58):
Cut back to the skinny man then, Walton Goggins. In a basement, and the kid just comes out of nowhere. Real nonchalant gives him the name on a bit of paper of who he wants him to kill.
Yeah, and we're thinking, oh, he must be after Santa or he must be after somebody. We don't know who this is. But it's the girl who won the science project that he's going to be tracking down. This girl, when we get to her, though...

(02:42:24):
at no point does she do any acting i don't understand what's going on here she is completely playing face for the whole every performance of her there's literally no acting at all i don't
It's a very weird choice if the director said, can you not act? It's really weird. I wonder if she was someone, an executive producer's granddaughter or daughter or something. They said, right, my daughter's got to be in it. I apologize you're not having some money.

(02:42:48):
Because it's really weird. Watch it. Next time you watch it, just see her non-acting. It's really weird. That's a bit of a shame. It is. It's really weird because that actual role could have gone to someone who could really act like, be really terrified being in the car. It would have worked really well.
um even if it wasn't didn't want to play like really terrified and play it subtle it could have been done so much better like then maybe looking at the window going oh what the do you know what i mean it's literally like

(02:43:15):
oh it's real bad anyway it's my only negative point of this movie well then the next scene is a great scene because it all starts with billy in his bedroom then he goes down to his grandma and she says um
can you um get me a glass of water or something and he's like yes yes okay grandma i love you very much then he walks off and he says right everybody leave to all the staff oh off you go everybody leave now my grandmother wants you all out of the house so they all they all um

(02:43:43):
Have you heard all that? Crazy driving down my way then, beeping. I've got... You've got it as well? I've got a vehicle here. Maybe it's the same vehicle. Super fast. Mine's like a motorbike.
He then, in the same continuous shot, it's not a one-er, but in the same continuous moment, Billy then heads down with a plate of sandwiches, and there's a check inside the sandwiches, or under the sandwiches, and he walks into the basement.

(02:44:10):
Walton Goggins steps out of the shadows and takes the check out from under the sandwiches and then we see he's got the little girl Christine her name is tied up to a chair in the basement and you're like whoa hang on a minute
This is a child. How does he know that bit of paper is on that plate of sandwiches? Like, is this how they normally do it? Yeah. It seems, I guess it must be like, when I bring the sandwiches down, at some point they must have had this conversation.

(02:44:37):
come down, the name will be on the plate of sandwiches, but what if you're not hungry? No, it's a check. It's a check, or whatever. On the plate of sandwiches is a really odd thing to do.
I just feel like at some point they must have had that conversation, but sometimes he can't be that hungry and he'd just become down anyway. Maybe Walton Goggins payment is like the check for like 5k plus a cheese sandwich, please. Maybe he gets cheese sandwiches as well.

(02:45:01):
and he just forgot to pick it up at that moment when he picked the check up. But like I say, the reveal here is that the girl, Christine, who won the science project, is tied to a chair with electrical...
wires doing some non-acting doing some non-acting and billy approaches her and starts sparking the wires and he says no this won't be enough to kill you

(02:45:24):
But it will certainly be enough to really, really, really hurt. And he sparks it a couple of times. He never actually electrifies or electrocutes her. But he does say to her, you will return the first place medal and told them you cheated.
Or next time you're here, you will be in a lot of pain. So this is a kid who is willing to get, I don't know what she is, 14, 15 year old girl at the oldest.

(02:45:51):
Tied up in his basement. And he will himself, he will electrocute her if she doesn't return this first place medal. So that's the kind of kid we're dealing with. That is Billy. Chris, Chris Kringle gets home.
and the government are there and he says oh why the hell are you guys here and they're like oh we just want to talk to you one of them is like a colonel from the army and there's a couple of like suits like men in black kind of guys

(02:46:17):
and he's like i'm not happy about this check it's half of what we got last year i've got a contract with you guys and they're like yes we know you've got a contract and that's what we're here to talk to you about and his wife's like
Chris, just listen to them. They want to talk to you. And he's like, I'm not interested in this. They're underpaying us every year. But as I say to him, we paid you half because you only half delivered. So they were actually paying him for what he actually gave them.

(02:46:43):
He's not getting full pay. He's getting paid for what he delivers. And he's pissed off for it, but...
And this is where he says to them, the problem is, is this world is going to shit, this country's going to shit. All the kids out there are, I just heard some news reports about kids who set their own grandparents on fire. No wonder the Christmas spirit is going, what am I supposed to do with the youth of today?
up the idea for this film and just did a rationally thought about Santa Claus and the fact that he has a business to take care of. Yeah. Fair enough. I know it's weird. Christine is dropped home by the skinny man. Sorry about that.

(02:47:17):
And he says to her, I'm going to let you back into your house now. You're going to tell your parents you were late night shopping at the shopping centre. And if you talk about this, I will kill your mum, your dad and anyone you ever love. Yeah.
okay and she's like okay does she not act in this scene as well because i didn't know does she not act in this moment as well there's not one point that she does any acting in the film yeah i really need to watch this again to see that so

(02:47:46):
he's dropped her off that's that's that little bit all tied up so ruth and chris are um they worry about their factory we haven't seen the factory yet but obviously santa has a workshop and they're saying well
with this amount of money we might have to close the workshop and then that's the end of christmas what are we going to do um so he starts making some phone calls and this is first sign that santa's got like a type of a superhuman strength

(02:48:14):
I'm looking at the picture right now of him looking on the phone talking with a little stretchy thing in his hand. He's got one of those metal hand workout things. For your grip. Yeah. And he breaks it.
snaps it and it actually shows what tension he's at actually he does that because he's feeling the tension from the lack of pay so he's trying to get some contracts going and stuff and it's obviously not a new thing because he's got a drawer full of them he puts it in a drawer

(02:48:41):
pulls out a new one and starts using it. So you can snap one of those. We do find out that he is actually super strong later. And it's very subtle, this movie. At no point do we play on him being really strong.
at any point and he only has a battle right at the end as well um but yeah he just he just picks up a car no he doesn't he picks up a load of stuff which are falling down a load of crates where these two soldiers can't pick it up he just comes along just goes hang on guys there you go

(02:49:09):
And just walks past. And again, it's all very subtly woven in, really, because Ruth pops her head in the door and she's like, Chris, it's Christmas Eve. You need to get some rest before you go out on your...
Your journey tonight. Which is so funny, though. You know, I'd hate that, though. I hate sometimes waiting to work late of an evening. Yeah, that sometimes happens. And the rest of the day's ruined. You can't do nothing a day because you've got, on the back of your mind, you're like, oh.

(02:49:33):
I've got to go work later. Sometimes, some DJ gigs I've done before, you're like, oh, God, I've got a bloody wedding anniversary to do later on.
god you know that sort of thing you can't you can't have a good day so this must be the the anxiety knowing it's christmas eve and you can't get the shits you can't do anything you've got to be on point because you're going out and you've got to deliver all these presents for christmas eve the anxiety would be

(02:49:58):
over the moon wouldn't it kids around the world you can't get ill you can't do nothing you can't for this one night you can't do anything you can't have your car can't get a flat tire which i had today for fuck's sake yeah can't do all these things you know
You've got to be on point. God, anxiety would drive me crazy. He gets a call on the radio to say, the sleigh is packed and ready to go. We never actually see the sleigh.

(02:50:21):
So, and that's good. That's what keeps this film slightly grounded, as grounded as a film about Santa Claus could be. He grabs his big book of names, the good list, and as he walks off, he looks at Ruth and he says, I feel like I've failed.
I feel like Christmas is over and he's so down. He's so rigged and he walks off. Um, and he gets home we don't see him delivering the presents we don't need to he gets home in the morning he's really tired he's got injuries where some naughty kids

(02:50:51):
was shooting a deer rifle and they shot him in the side yeah he get crawls into bed with ruth he's absolutely shattered and his wife's there for him and they cuddle up together and they say merry christmas merry christmas you know
and he's back from his reins we don't need to see it and he stitches he does a bit of a rambo doesn't he even like stitches up his own wounds and tends to them um billy wakes up oh god he's happily unwraps his christmas present the thing is though

(02:51:20):
It's a horrible thing. Santa Claus should have actually been a bit more thoughtful. He must know the situation that this kid, even though he's got his money, he wants love. He could have given him...
a book or something which has some good story in it even though you know like a book of someone who doesn't have to love their parents but goes on to be really good or something or

(02:51:43):
or something you don't have to like really poke at the fire and put in a lump of coal in the fire which is going to make the fire go even hotter do you
But that's what Santa gives you if you're naughty, and he tried to torture his classmate. Like what I did there, the lump of coal making the fire burn hot inside that kid. Yeah, that's good. I did, I did, I did like that. It's like I'm clever or something.

(02:52:07):
He's fuming about this lump of coal, and to add injury, pour lemon juice onto an already existing wound. Later on, he opens a present from his dad, which is just a teddy bear.
And he's like too old for a teddy bear. It doesn't even have a card or nothing and not even a note on it. Nothing. It's literally like it's a teddy bear in the box.
The teddy bear pushes him over the edge, really. But the skinny man is Christmas Day, and the skinny man is on a shooting range. I keep thinking you're saying about the British rapper. Not the British rapper from London, skinny man. Yeah.

(02:52:38):
No. Good grappa, though. I like that guy. Council Estate of Mind, is that the name of the album? Not sure. Yeah, good guy. Yeah, so Skinny Man is on a shooting range, and it's Christmas Day.
And the guy's like, are you going to be wrapping up sooner? And he's like, oh, sorry, is the money I'm paying you inconveniencing you? And he's like, well, no, you're paying me a lot of money to be here on Christmas. And he's like, well, then set it up again so I can go again. So even on Christmas Day.

(02:53:05):
practicing his shooting. He doesn't give a shit. He's got to be an expert. He's got to be ready at all times. I like the fact that guy's like, well, I wanted to get back to see the grandchildren open up their presents. He says, I'm paying you good money, aren't I? Rack them up again. And he's basically...
doing what you've seen of keanu reeves on youtube getting ready for john wick when there's a training video and everyone's like oh my god he's doing that but not

(02:53:28):
Very fast. Watergong is actually quite slow doing this. Keanu Reeves was... Probably more realistic, probably. Possibly, but then we did see Keanu Reeves do it. But then again, that's Keanu Reeves, I suppose. He's super elite. He can do shit, can't he? Yeah.
Billy calls Skinny Man as he's leaving the shooting range and says, I've got a job for you, another job. And he's got him in his phone, by the way, everybody. When Billy calls Skinny Man, it comes up on his phone as the little shit.

(02:53:58):
And he says, what's the job? And he says, I need you to kill Santa Claus. Did he say Santa Claus or did he say to kill the fat man?
The fat man he might be, yeah. Yeah, because we don't actually at any point... He's classed as Santa Claus, I don't think, really. No, they just called him Kris Kringle or the fat man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very cleverly done, really.

(02:54:18):
So that's as much as we see that for now. It's like making a zombie movie. No point class them zombies. Yeah. The undead or the infected. Yeah. So Chris...
Chris agrees to hear out of the military. Yeah, and I was going to say, Watergong takes on the job and he's interested, very interested.
Yeah, because basically he's got his own stakes in this as well, which we'll find out. Yeah, Mel's taken on the contract. His wife's happy about that. It makes sense.

(02:54:48):
And he says to her, the problem is, Ruth... He's so anxious about the Elf Zone, what they're going to think about it, isn't he? And he also says to her, look at this injury. These kids shot me last night with a deer pellet gun. And...
I just don't believe in, he actually says, I don't believe in the spirit of Christmas anymore. I don't think it's out there anymore. I can't see us doing this much longer. So I've got to take this contract just to keep the elves paid and fed and keep us.

(02:55:12):
our bills paid just for a few months and she's like look she's like i'm super supportive of you i'm married to father christmas so i'll do whatever you want it's fine so they go for it but it's a skinny man
He starts making some calls. He's now trying to track down this Kris Kringle.
He's phoning around. This is a bit of a montage of this, and there's one bit with a montage. It just cuts to him in a martial arts place, and he breaks a person's arm doing jiu-jitsu. He's laying on the mat with them and snaps the arm, and you hear a crack.

(02:55:46):
And the guy goes, that's a break. And Walter Goggin, he jumps back and goes, yeah, I broke that arm. I broke the arm. And he's like really excited because this is quite a dark comedy, this film. And it's just, it's really quite funny. But he's just so excited.
and jumps back then cuts back to him looking for information again then keeps cutting to him doing like martial arts and stuff
and gun training and stuff and yeah so if he's tracking down this christopher gringo he's making phone calls he's online what he says i broke it i broke it he's like really like happy with himself and it just cuts this is like that's just a little moment of this dude's life just one second that is too much

(02:56:20):
you know christmas day he's like on a shooting range you know probably boxing day he's breaking some guy's arm yeah
um billy gets a parcel like i said this is the the teddy bear from his dad so he's definitely like this is definitely i want the son to dead now you know this is pushing me over the edge skinny man asks the postman um

(02:56:40):
just a random guy in the street who's delivering that mail he says hey hey uh what happens to all the letters that
the kids write to santa and he's like oh wow that's an interesting story basically um you know they all go to um the po box and he's like oh yeah can you tell me more and then as he's talking to him he just pulls out his gun and shoots him yeah

(02:57:01):
Puts on his postman's costume. Yeah. I like his thinking. It's quite good. This poor postman was just doing his job. I know he was. I feel sorry for him, but I like his idea.
And he drives the van into the post office plant where all the letters, like the big main post office. And he says, he grabs a guy in the office and he says, I'm looking for the folk man. And he's.

(02:57:27):
puts the gun to his head and he's the guy's like i can't tell you that i can't tell you that and he's like okay well i guess i could just end you here and he's okay okay it's just a po box that's all we've got it's just a po box he says write it down
And while he's lying face down on the desk with a gun to his head, and he says, make it legible so I can read it. But imagine the pressure of having to write down a PO box address while your face is mushed into the desk. As he keeps on writing, he says, make it clear.

(02:57:54):
Make it legible so I can read it. It's very... It's the dark comedy in this. It's just kind of done just like that. It could have been done a little bit better at times, dark comedy, if you had someone a bit more...
I don't know what background these directors had, but you could probably make this a little bit more sharper on the comedy. It kind of...

(02:58:15):
it kind of it feels like a more of a curve on the comedy if that makes sense do you know what I mean but that's why it feels like a Coen Brothers film because their comedy is often quite strange and dark like that yeah and it's not always on the nose it's quite subtle yeah
Well, this poor guy, after writing down the pier box, we just see the outside of the office and we just see the flash of a gun muzzle and you just hear like the muffled...

(02:58:38):
of a silencer. So there's another guy that he's killed. Just a couple of postmen he's killed now. Mel's fixing a sleigh after last night's run. Yep.
And the army are going to be basically using, the whole crux of this is, they're going to be using the elves to help build military jets and missiles.

(02:59:00):
Mel gives a speech. He doesn't want to do this. Very quickly, we did see then a little quick montage after the sleigh building of Walter getting ready with weapons, and then it comes back.
yeah and mel doesn't really want to do it he's just like you know they've always just made like toys for kids now we're gonna make weapons to kill people
Which is quite a commentary on life in a way though, isn't it? He delivers a speech to the elves and says like, basically whatever these government men want, you know, you please do it. I'm really sorry.

(02:59:33):
i hope you're all okay with this but they're the elves and they're like yeah we'll do anything for you it's absolutely fine and he's really teary and he's like i can't believe it's come to this yeah but she can understand you go on to make toys to make children happy to weapons which are to kill people
That is quite a change. And that's why this film reminds me a little bit of Santa Claus the movie. You know, because you've got that dark...

(03:00:00):
John Lithgow plays a really dark guy and a powerful businessman who wants to use Dudley Moore's elf character. For money to make money. Yeah.
without giving a shit about it because that film is quite dark I do like Santa Claus the movie but it's quite a dark film I need to watch it maybe I'll watch it
it's Christmas yeah it's a good one when Mel's up on that thing talking and he's got Seven next to him which is his lead elf and he's got the military guy

(03:00:28):
he's acting his little heart out Mel Gibson is he's really like giving like a real and it's so funny that Mel's giving his performance basically it's Santa Claus talking to some elves about a contract change different toys which is such a random thing a weird thing he's
He's acting loads with it. He's really acting. It's really quite impressive. Because he does a lot of action films. People forget. He can act.

(03:00:52):
And I had this conversation with RJ yesterday when we were watching Die Hard. I said it's the same with Bruce Willis. He acts his absolute balls off in Die Hard. And Stallone.
you know in in the rambo and the first rambo movie and and in some of the rocky movies and that's the difference between these guys

(03:01:13):
Both of those two examples are when they're hungry in their career. Mel isn't hungry in his career. He's done so much stuff.
it's good though and fascinating that he's still like pushing a massive performance in pretending to be Santa Claus yeah I know he must have really believed in this script and this story and I feel it's quite underrated so I'm happy hopefully some of you guys will actually go oh I might check that out

(03:01:35):
after listening to this if you haven't seen it. Yeah, we do see a brief shot now of Skinny Man arriving in town. We'll come back to him in a moment. Do very quickly, you think it's quite a strange film, but who's this movie for? It's for us.
I think it has to be. It's for us. Kids that have grown up with 80s action films? It's a similar audience to The Violent Night.

(03:01:58):
This is like a more subtle version of Violent Night in some ways. It is comedy, but it's very, very subtle comedy. As a youth, you wouldn't understand the comedy. It would go past you, over your head probably. I just...
I just can't help but keep going back to, it says Coen type, Coen Brothers type scenario, you know? It's that kind of left field. It even looks, visually, looks like it.

(03:02:18):
yeah because of all the snow yeah absolutely and when Walter Goggins though later on he's got a white snow suit looking like a baddie out of one of the beginning of one the
Daniel Craig movies yeah it's so like I was thinking of Roger Moore I was thinking of the beginning of that one where he snowboards down the mountain that's brilliant

(03:02:42):
Good vibrations. They play that Beach Boys song while he's surfing. It's ridiculous. So, Sat, this is the moment you mentioned, though. So the army are loading up some of the trucks with some of the weapons, and they drop a big crate, and they can't get it on them.
so you know mel gibson comes on over picks it up no effort at all something that like four or five men couldn't lift and he just loads it back onto the truck yeah he's like careful with these guys you know we've only just we've only just built these um he checks how all the elves are doing

(03:03:11):
yeah it's all going well so we're on track you know we're gonna have everything built by the time we said we would the contracts are going to be you know it's going to be great don't worry about it um
And the military approached him and said, look, you're doing an amazing job here, Chris. Even better than we could have thought. We want to offer you. That guy who's talking to me, he's quite a nice guy. He is. I was actually gutted when he died.

(03:03:34):
yeah he's a nice guy he says to him look look um i know it's not what you want to do but at the end of the day you're a businessman everyone's getting paid you when you get your check you're going to see how much money you're going to get
Come and speak to me when you get that cheque because we want to give you a 15-year contract. I know you're saying no right now, but collect your cheque and have a look at it and think about getting that every month for 15 years.

(03:04:02):
and Mel Gibson's like mmm sort of grumbly and that's it we also have this shot of I think Walter Goggins when he was a child asked Santa for a hamster
And he didn't get it. Yes, yes. He's got a hamster all the way through it. Because he goes to a pet shop and the next thing we see, I was just like, this is fucking amazing. Sarah, take note. Because Sarah recently found a hamster when she was working

(03:04:27):
outside a block of flats. Like literally in the corner. Yeah, like someone probably took it out to just get rid of it because they didn't want it anymore.
Or it escaped, but I doubt it. I imagine that's what happened. And so Sarah picked up, put it in her pocket, worked all day long like a Walt Disney movie. In her pocket. It's like a Walt Disney movie. And then she took it home and now it's called Gary. I think it's a girl, but it's Gary. I've been stroking it.

(03:04:51):
She is so sweet and they've kept it now and he's loving it. She's battling it up to feed to her spiders and snakes, isn't she? No.
Sorry, Sarah, I'm joking. I know you wouldn't do that. Although they do eat, you know, as you know, Gav, there's a lot of time around them. They will eat that. So she's got to be careful with Gary because he'll be nice dinner for one of her snakes. But Sarah, take note, Walter Goggins at this point, you see him driving along another...

(03:05:16):
shot from driving he's got a hamster wheel is facing the road so the hamster's just running along on the wheel looking at the road as he goes and I was like that's fucking genius
and that's a comedy it just shows that then it cuts and I was like that's so weird where's the hamster then go you never see the hamster again that is a weird scene because the ladies like that it's so weird
She's like, what do you need the hamster for? And he's like, oh, well, I've always wanted a hamster. And then she says, you look like more of a reptile guy to me. Do you want to come and look at our snakes and reptiles? No, I want a hamster. No, Santa asked him for a hamster, and this time he decided to get one.

(03:05:50):
So on his drive, he's been thinking about how bad... This is how clever this is. On his drive, he's been getting more and more angry, thinking about the job he's going to go and kill Santa. And then he's raging that he never got that hamster he was asked for. Must be.
and so it goes and picks one up and and actually jump to the end when everything's done and dusted the one of the final scenes i don't know if you noticed this ruth santa claus wife she's in the kitchen

(03:06:16):
And the hamster is in their kitchen, in their cage. So she's adopted the hamster. Let's call him Gary. He's another Gary. Let's call him Gary. Gary's in the final scene with Ruth. Shout out to Gary.
The hamster. Shout-out to Gary the hamster. So, that's her cat and her hamster that I've had shout-outs recently. I know, Sarah's really happy I gave her cats a shout-out. Shout-out Vinnie and Jimmy. Now, Skinny Man, it stops off for...

(03:06:41):
whatever i don't know and he sees a kid in the uh in a car next to him and
He shows the kid, he says, did you get that for Christmas? This jet plane? And he's like, yeah. He's like, I guess you've been a good boy, right? And he's like, yeah. And he shows him his arm. He's got stickers.
Again, a nice touch. He is like the kid who's asked Santa to be killed. It shows him he was abused as a child. Yeah, he rolls up his sleeve and he says...

(03:07:13):
All I can remember from my childhood is cigarette burns on my skin and the smell of burning flash. And he shows him he's got these burn marks up his arm. We've fully done it again. Both movies have parallels. We've had this little kid and his mental...
abuse from his father not coming home or giving him any love being the evil stuff is walter goggins had physical abuse

(03:07:36):
as a child, and asked Father Christmas, and didn't get anything for Father Christmas, didn't get his hamster, probably got a lump of cold as well, or whatever. No, he gets a little airplane, he's giving him a little airplane, isn't he? He throws at him. Well, he says, um...
later on he says this is what you gave me do you remember this and he throws it at him yeah but that because so what he does now is he says to that kid i'll give you a hundred dollars for that airplane because it's got santa's workshop on it and he's like

(03:07:59):
well I just got it for Christmas because to a kid like $100 that young a kid doesn't know what that means and he goes I'll give you $500 for it and the next shot he's driving along and he's got the little jet plane on his dashboard Walton Coggins so he's bought
So the kid, the mum being the mum. And that's the one he froze. That's the one he froze. That must be what? The same present he got because that's the one he froze at Santa Claus. No, it might be. It is. It's not going to be a different aeroplane. I thought it was the car. I think it's the car he froze at. Oh, maybe it's the car. No, you're right.

(03:08:28):
Just a very quick tangent, imagine being the mum of that little boy and she comes back out of the shop and she's like, all right, Johnny, where's your aeroplane gone? And he's just sat in the back with 500 bucks and he's just like, ah, some man gave me all this money for it. You'd be like, what?
That's very strange. Right, Dad's got to look after that money. Let me put it in my wallet for safety. There you go, it was £5 he gave you, wasn't it? Yes, there you go. I did that with the kids. They got a Christmas card from one of Alice's.

(03:08:54):
So they're a great uncle. You stole money off your children. I didn't steal it, but they had a tenner each, and they were like, oh, yeah, we got money, Daddy. What's brown money mean? I was like, it's ten pangs. They're like, is that a lot? I was like, it's quite a lot. Obviously, that's 20 quid, because I've got twins.
So I said, look, let Daddy... No, let me keep it. I said, please let me look after it. I promise you'll be able to spend it. So it's in my wallet now. But I'm sure I'll let them spend it. Yeah. Shout out to Uncle Monarchy, if you're listening. Sorry about that.

(03:09:19):
Shout out. Very quickly, Gav, sorry, about the car, the police car. So all he wanted was this, all he ever got was this little police car toy. And that was it. Have you noticed that the car he's driving...
all the way through this Walton Goggins, is that car. It's not a police car, but it's the same make and model, just painted all black. It's such a clever film, this is. Because he bought the car for real, because he never got the real thing he wanted. And turned into a serial killer.

(03:09:49):
You know, a hitman. Elf Cafeteria. Cafetate. Cafetate.
Cafeteria. Cafeteria. Restaurant. I'm trying to say cafeteria. I'm trying to say cafeteria. Basically, restaurant with all the elves in there, and it's lunchtime, and every item...
is just a sugar thing. And then you get the guy, the guy sits down, the army guy, the lead guy says, um...

(03:10:13):
I would like to say that probably your complexions from your lack of nutrients, protein, different things that you should get, fruit and vegetables. And he says, no, what are you talking about? Having just sugar.
keeps us making more more things i bet guaranteed anything else live longer than humans and he's like really he says yeah totally we just do this we sleep

(03:10:36):
What is it, like three hours? He says we work 24-hour shifts and we take a four-hour, we have a four-hour nap every 24 hours and we do it in rotation. So we're always working apart from four hours when we nap. And as he's saying this, he's eating like sugary pies. He's dipping his candy.
cane and like a bit of milkshake and neck in it. I put it down as 20 minute nap every 8 hours.
oh maybe it was that then and then he's like what and you can do that he says yeah we can get and carry on working like completely all the time he's like that's crazy he says yeah we outlive you guys because he says he says about their complexion he also says about their height and he's like you know

(03:11:11):
if you had some fruit and vegetables and nutrients, you'd probably be taller and stronger. And he's like, we don't need to be. This is what we do. We're built to do this. This is our job. So again, it's a tiny little bit of science behind it, just to kind of grind it a little bit. They would have thought all this out when writing it, like really gone into the,
the elf situation, and then this work guy, and the guy's like, oh, I like the way this works. I expect the next thing to be taking all the fruit and vegetables away from all of his soldiers.

(03:11:35):
Now, while all that's going on, Chris is working at his anger. He's in the stable and he's pounding the shit out of a punch bag. And he looks at some thank you letters that...
his wife is conveniently placed for him just to remind him that the christmas spirit is photographs of the kids of the kids uh as kids and pilots of them now and they're like really doing really well adults doing good and makes him go okay like there is not all of them

(03:12:00):
Yeah, she says that later on. Thank you for putting them there. I appreciate it. It's such a good movie. It's really lovely chemistry between him and his wife, actually. His wife acts really well in it as well.
It's almost like they're doing a really serious drama, but it's like a dark comedy. I know. If you took away the sun aspect, it's just like a couple of people trying to keep a farm going, isn't it, really? It's strange. So, Skinny Mum.

(03:12:26):
He's tracked down Chris Kringle's PO box, obviously. He's got the address now. He gets there. We've already gone through that montage, which we've already talked about of him.
going through all the different genres of music and the cameras stationary within the car is a fantastic scene and never seen anything like it it's a really good clever way to do it i've seen that sort of thing before uh but definitely not used doing it with different genres of music that's great

(03:12:49):
He goes into the beer box and he says, hey, can I help you, son? And Skinny Man says, yeah, I'm looking for a buddy of mine, Chris. I used to work with him and...
I just lost track of where he lives. And he's like, oh, everybody knows Chris. He's like, can I get his address? He says, you know, I can't give you that. You know, we've got to protect people's identities.

(03:13:10):
And he says, okay. And then the lady from the bar comes in. Which stops him because at that point he was probably going to pull a gun on this guy. And he says, oh, this guy's looking for Chris. And she goes, oh, Chris, yeah. He says, hey, does Chris still drive that?
Black Chevy. And she says, do you mean a red Ford? And he says, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, a red Ford. So he's tricked into giving away... It's a totally different colour and make of car. I know, but she gives it away and he's like, great, now I'm looking for a red Ford.

(03:13:38):
So, Skinny Man goes to a gun shop and he's looking at it. It's quite a funny scene. It's like Schwarzenegger and Terminator.
yeah or it's a very cohen brother as he's seen because he's looking he's going green makes me look fat brown is too sick that one is no good this and then in the end he goes
the guy goes is there something specific you're looking for son and he says something uh snazzy and he says how about that and he sees this cool ass white james bond style snowsuit all in one

(03:14:09):
so he buys that he buys some skis a load of guns guy doesn't question it he just sells he's like right i've just made five thousand dollars off this guy
So he buys all of that and he loads up the car. But he gets a phone call from the kid who says, I've decided I want his head. While he's painting, he's painting a lovely picture on canvas. He says, I want his head. And he's like, oh, listen, kid.

(03:14:31):
This is a hard enough job as it is, okay? Do you know how smelly a human head can get? I'd have to transport it all the way back through and have to buy an icebox.
It's going to be a mess by the time I get there. And then I've got to hack his head off once I've killed him. So the kid's like, oh, all right, then his beard. He says, I'm not cutting a beard off a dead guy. How about his coat? And he goes, all right, then.

(03:14:54):
It's just a kid at the end of the day. It's like persuading your kid down from an ice lolly to, I can just give you a yoghurt. That's what I'm saying. This kid shouldn't be in charge of who gets bumped off because the kid has no rationale.
way of thinking they're stupid as a kid yeah well chris pulls up at his red ford not his black chevy and he goes into the po box and he's spotted by skinny man he tries to take him out but a big truck goes in front of it he doesn't

(03:15:28):
i gotta say that as much as professionally in the setup as walter goggins is he's kind of not at times in this he's um
kind of just taken off by chance a little bit at this point he's oh and he tries to get the gun out quickly it's not very professionally done you're just sitting there with a fucking gun sticking out your window i thought he was gonna see him there and go great i'm gonna follow him which he does have to do because his truck gets in the way

(03:15:52):
his shot but it just seems a bit like that seems a bit sketchy it doesn't seem planned out he seems more methodical do you know what I'm saying as a killer and that seemed a bit too it's almost like
It's almost like... It might be he got excited that he saw him and he's like, fuck, there he is. I'm going to actually do it.
I feel like sometimes he's so OCD his character that he kind of ruins it for himself because if it doesn't if it's not going exactly to his plan and this was unexpected he didn't expect to come across him so quickly

(03:16:19):
Well, he has another unexpected. So, obviously, after this, he follows him back to the farm, and when he gets to the farm, he follows him, and he realises there's a whole fucking army there, which he didn't expect.
Yeah, so he pulls into the drive, the side of the road, and he gets out on foot. And like you just said, he's thinking, I'll go to this guy's farm and take him out. But he spots probably 50...

(03:16:42):
army guys military and it's like an armed army base because obviously they're there helping him helping santa and the elves and he thinks ah fuck this isn't quite the job i thought it was going to be um there's a bunch of army and they're trained you know military guys
so i'm gonna have to rethink my plan a little bit here there's even guys on so diehard and james bond they're even on snowmobiles whenever you see a guy on a snowmobile you know he's just like diehard 2 or james bond Billy, meanwhile, receives a letter to say, Congratulations, Billy.

(03:17:21):
It turns out that Christine cheated on the science project. She's admitted to the whole thing. And here is your prize. You were the winner of the science project after all. And he's like, huh, good.
And that's it. After all of that, and that's it. What he gets from it, just that. It's like such a pathetic thing to do, just to get that.

(03:17:42):
And we get now a cool scene of Skinny Man suiting up in his white suit, getting all his guns and skis, and he goes to work. He basically uses his shooting range practice now. Yep. For real.
While he's heading into the woods, Chris and Ruth are having heart to heart. And he says, look, I'm really sorry that I was almost gave up on Christmas. I love you so much, Ruth. You've always been there for me. And you made me see that.

(03:18:08):
There is still some good out there in the world and I can make a difference. And they have a kiss and it's all good. I think they get into bed a little bit. I think they have a little smooch and they get into bed. While that's happening, we see... They do some sex, I think.
Some Santa sex. You've been a good girl for Christmas. Let me deliver my package. Poor Santa. Now, while that's happening, we...

(03:18:37):
We see a couple of dead army guys. Because one of them sees... Is that a ski that's just hit the window? And they go investigate. And then we see that he's killed a couple of army guys. Then he shoots a few more. He thinks that about...
six or seven army guys action movie mode now yeah and he enters the elf factory and as he's wandering around he's doing that classic thing of planting bombs isn't that isn't that a sexual move

(03:19:03):
while entering the elf factory. And then I entered her elf factory.
yeah so he's put he's planting loads of bombs all around this this elf factory and an elf comes out and picks up one of the bombs and he says put that down he's like who are you and he's like put that down immediately and the elf

(03:19:25):
literally dismantles it in seconds because these elves are experts at putting things together and taking them apart so um it becomes my next note is it becomes an elf massacre
And he starts taking people out of the army, hear all these gunshots and shooting. And it turns into a very different film, though, doesn't it? It's...

(03:19:46):
gunfire everywhere the elves are getting killed the army goes like stay low i mean they're already quite low as it is these little elves they're like stay low down you know it's shooting everybody um santa gets a he's in bed with mrs ruth having just delivered his package
And he gets a phone call to say, Santa, well, Chris, Chris, listen. And he can hear loads of shooting. And he's like, oh, my God, something's going on. I got to get my gun. She's like, be careful, Chris. He's like, I will. Because he's Mel Gibson.

(03:20:14):
I will, mate. Don't worry about it. G'day. He's got a good accent in this. He grabs his guns. He gets there and pretty much all of the army have been killed. And Walton Goggins leaves the factory and presses the little button.
boom explodes santa's workshop done yep is that is that the end of christmas jesus and he kills a couple more people and then all you hear is santa from far away saying

(03:20:43):
That's enough! And we don't see him yet, and it's great, because this is Walt Goggins and Santa Claus. It's the first time they've actually seen each other, and it's not that long until the end of the movie. Barry, you...
I actually pointed it out, it's very Western now at this point. That's what I was about to say again. It's very wide shots, and them two from either end, almost like... Well, it is, they do. Basically, they're ready to pull out a gun on each other. And he says...

(03:21:11):
I know you, Jonathan, Miles. I remember you asking for me to bring your parents back to life when you were a kid. I'm sorry I couldn't do that. He says I remember you as a twisted child.
Yeah. He says, I'm really sorry I couldn't bring you. No, he says, I cannot replace your parents because he was abused. So I think his real parents died somehow. Then he went into some foster home and he was abused.

(03:21:39):
and he shows him the toy car and says this is all i got he says to him i didn't have i don't have the power to replace parents i can't do that all i can do is give you a gift you know it's got he's kind of like you're just taking out on me because
He doesn't know he's been paid to be a hitman. He thinks he's just come up to him from being...
grumpy as a kid not getting what he wanted so he's finally taking this vendetta out and wants to take revenge on santa mel gibson's delivery is great because he does come across as a bit biblical which santa should when he says that's enough and when he says i remember you

(03:22:12):
a sick and twisted child. You know, there's some stuff he says, and his last speech right at the end as well, which we'll get to, is quite biblical as well. I like where Goggins is like, I've come for your head, fat man!
yeah and then it's just like bang bang bang bang shooting each other um there's a great moment where there's a big pile of logs i like after that when he says that and mel says to him

(03:22:33):
You think I got this because I'm fat and jolly? Meaning this is not the reason I got this job. I've got this job because I've got some fucking skills. I'm Liam Neeson in taking, bitches.
yeah and again like the violent knight i love that that thing that santa it has been around for thousands of years and he can take you out like you know like a vampire or something who's learned skills over the years you know yeah um mel will get shot in the arm

(03:22:59):
He gets shot in the arm and there's a great scene with loads of logs piled up where they're on either side of it. Well, Goggins is hiding. Let's set the scene up. Mel and Goggins are quite a distance from each other.
gibson and goggins it's a new detective agency and there's goggins is hiding behind although this wood piled up at one point he's reloading mel

(03:23:21):
does super speedy running which you wouldn't expect because he's fat and jolly is really fast but really silently because he's got skills really silently runs up and he doesn't know he's there
So Goggins is putting back up and he's like, where is he? In the distance, but he doesn't know. He's just on the other side of the wood. But at no point, though, because we saw Mel's amazing strength, at no point do we see him, like, then pick up a massive log and throw at him. I do wish we'd have seen something like that.

(03:23:47):
Yeah, but he does pick up a big lump of wood. He does. And proceed to... batter walton goggins with it and almost gets away with it but what we saw earlier when it set up his weapon set up a very long about eight inch blade coming out from a spring-loaded uh uh arm
blade it comes out when he wants to so he stabs fucking santa claus up fucking shank time through the back and it comes out of santa's chest redemption and then santa's lying there and you think go on santa get up that's what we're thinking as an audience

(03:24:20):
And he just walks up to Santa and he just shoots him in the head. And he's dead. And we're like, oh, Santa's dead. But we kind of, personally, I was like, yeah, Santa's not going to be dead, is he? But as before, Walton Goggins can sort of...
do any victory dance bang someone shoots him and it's Ruth yeah
From the distance. So he shoots back at her. I think she gets hit. She runs into the house. She does because she's bathing. He follows her blood. That's right. That's right. He shoots back. He runs in the house. He follows the blood trail.

(03:24:50):
And there's a great scene there where he's in the kitchen and he's thinking, where the hell is she? And she's hiding behind the kitchen door. And she has enough time to say, I'm sorry, and then shoots him in the head and kills him. And that's it. Because she's Mrs. Claus. She's just, I'm sorry. She kills him.
yeah and then we cut to elf all the elves and ruth gathering around thunder or chris and she's just saying to him so cage come on you're right because she's he's been killed before obviously

(03:25:18):
And he's fallen off a sleigh or whatever, you know. It's trampled by reindeer. And he's still alive. These shots, though, when he's, like, towards the end of it, when he goes to see the kid, it's great.
Because the kids are about to do another very twisted thing. He's currently emptying all of his grandmother's pills into a drink of lemonade or milk that she drinks. And he's going to basically kill his grandmother.

(03:25:45):
because she's found out. She said, he hears her on the phone saying, well, I don't know where all my money's going. You need to find out where it's been going. I'm losing thousands of dollars every coming out. It's because her sons, her grandsons, forging all these checks and paying off this hitman.
So he's like, I'm going to get phoned out. I better kill Grandma with this concoction of pills and milk. So what I'll do is I'll just steal a load of her tablets and make loads of a drink for her. And then Mel, there's a knock at the door and Ruth walks in.

(03:26:14):
And she says, someone wants to speak to you. And it's Santa, Kris Kringle. And he walks up to... The kid's shook. He's like, oh, my God, he's in his office. No one would do that. No, because what he has is one of his fucking...
Servants knock on the door.
And I open it up and he's like, I told you not to disturb me. Then all of a sudden this woman comes in and says, who the hell are you? Because he doesn't know Santa's wife. And then obviously Santa comes in and he's like, oh shit. And at this point, Mel Gibson, I'm looking at a picture of him now.

(03:26:43):
He's got an eye patch, a white eye patch with blood all coming out of it on his left hand. So, like, one eye's only showing. He's got his big old beard. He's got a furry hat up and a massive, like, Father Christmas-like outfit over atop him. He looks scary as shit.
i would be so if i was a child and saw him i'd shit myself forever and he's got a walking stick as well because you know he's been stabbed and shot and he he hobbles in into the into the room he grabs the glass of milk and he says

(03:27:12):
Yeah, that's an interesting concoction. That would kill her straight away, wouldn't it? And then he necks it because it doesn't kill him. It's just probably going to make him feel a bit better because he's so injured. He's going to recover fast. He necks the drink.
just to show his immortality um and he says what are you what are you doing and he says what am i doing here i'm being productive billy and he says i've come i'm coming to you this time to speak to you rather than wait for you to make another

(03:27:41):
bad move and this is a chance for you to get off the naughty list or something onto those words to which point ruth walks over takes his head down and she starts unbandaging his head and he says to him
basically threatens him and says if I hear so much as one thing you've done wrong I'll be back here I'll be back here to make sure you're and he said I can't remember what he says he'll do to him but he says

(03:28:07):
he leans in shows his his eye socket hole where the bullet went in and says the fat man's got his eye on you and it's just such a great moment yeah it's a good film
And it ends with Ruth baking cookies. They're back on the farm working. The elves are repairing everything. The hamster's in his little wheel, Gary. And then one of the elves just says...

(03:28:29):
we'll be back up and running in no time, Chris. And he's happy. And that's the end. It's just a nice little end. Yeah. It's such a niche, strange, but brilliant film. It really is.
I wanted to see it anyway. But when you sort of told me about it, obviously, I trust your judgment. We have very similar tastes. So I thought I'll check it out. And I wasn't disappointed.

(03:28:54):
Probably was even better the second time around, because I already knew where it was going to go. And you knew it is Santa Claus. For me, it was a lot better the second time around, actually.
um but i think if you've listened to this and you haven't seen it i think we've gone through it i think it's enough for you to watch it and i think you'd enjoy it for sure i don't think you wouldn't enjoy it it's quite a fun film it's a lot better than some of the average sort of christmas movies for sure it does um does

(03:29:16):
sort of talk about the christmas spirit it's christmas action movie yeah yeah it's it's a more grounded version of silent night of violent night maybe it's a slow builder it's like what you said kind of fargo in a way
Yeah, if you like the Coen Brothers. It's definitely a thumbs up from both of us. Thumbs up for me. Yeah. Right, let's get out into the outro. And we'll be back in a minute. Yeah, let's do it.

(03:29:47):
Back again to say goodbye. Well, I hope everybody enjoyed today's episode, Dan. I hope you enjoyed watching the movies and reviewing them. I thoroughly did, actually, both these films. Yes, I always look forward to our Christmas episodes. I know Trading Places isn't a horror.
But we do love to cover some of the classic Christmas movies for our Christmas special, particularly because it's always our anniversary as well, 12 years, as I said. I know. And what have we got in a new year for 2026?

(03:30:15):
Okay, so that was episode 188. So episode 189. Obviously a slight rescheduling because we did...
We did have some issues in personal lives. Nothing to worry about. We're all safe and happy. It's just busy, busy. So it will be Holly's patron episode, the first episode of next year. Just to remind you, that's going to be a Betty Davies double bill.

(03:30:37):
We're going to be covering Burnt Offerings from 1976 with Oliver Reed as well. I think Brody McDowell might be in that as well.
Watcher in the Woods, the Disney horror that scared us all as kids. Rodney McDowell's not in Burnt Offens. No, he's not. I'm thinking of the other one. What's the other Haunted House movie? Legend of Hell House.

(03:30:58):
yeah that's a good one but the movie I watched the other day Dead of Winter very much I reckon check it out that's got Rodney McDowell as a casting for a movie for someone that drops out this woman takes her to it's the woman who's the wife in Elf Okay.
It takes her out to the middle of nowhere. It's worth watching. It's on Amazon Prime very much. It's a wintry movie, guys. And it takes her out there very quickly. And then there's a guy out there that says, yes, you'd be perfect. He's like a German. You'd be perfect for the role. And he stays in the house.

(03:31:28):
then she gets trapped in the house and she's not allowed to leave sort of thing. It's good. Check it out. What's it called? Dead of Winter. Dead of Winter. That sounds good. It's with Rodney McDowell. He's great in it.
So that's Holly's episode 189. It'll be Watcher in the Woods from 1980 and Burnt Offerings from 1976.
Great couple of picks. Apologies again, Holly, for our delay in that one, but that will be our next episode. I have already watched and got my notes ready, and watching the woods was great to watch again.

(03:31:56):
Yeah, it's great. Great movie. And then that means episode 190 will be your special birthday episode, Gavin. I know. We'll be covering, just to remind you, Hellraiser from 1987, Clive Barker's Hellraiser.
And Apostle by Gareth Evans from 2018. And we should, fingers crossed, we should have a special guest just for a little segment on that one that we can talk to about one of those movies as well.

(03:32:25):
fingers crossed that all works out so that's your birthday episode and then after that we will be moving into my sort of genre of stuff episode 191 will be dark superhero horrors of which there aren't many but we'll be covering
Chronicle from 2016, which is the found footage horror movie, and yeah, Brightburn. Ah, nice. Max Landis wrote Chronicle. Did he? And Josh Trank.

(03:32:54):
We can discuss Josh Trank, who directed it and blew his load. He got to do Star Wars and then absolutely dropped the bomb. Disney fired him. Yeah, we can discuss this. I remember this sort of a little bit, yeah.
he ruined his career he was like gareth evans and these guys who jumped from one film to a giant film and that was his chance really he did the fantastic four movie josh trank and then absolutely he had the chance to make star wars and it all fell apart yeah they didn't want him

(03:33:24):
Because he trashed Fantastic Four. He was like, don't go see this movie. It's a piece of shit. And then he smashed his house up that they'd given him to live in for six months. Almost seems like something Max Landis would do as well.
And funnily enough, we were watching one of his dad's movies today in Trading Places. We did, we did. So, we are the podcast on Haunted Hill.

(03:33:45):
Thank you, everybody, for listening to us for the last 12 years or just for the last episode, whatever it is. Thank you. Yeah. Hopefully, we'll be keeping on going for another 12 years or so. And if you don't listen to us anymore, you won't know that I'm saying this. Yeah, it's a fuck off.
Well, I wasn't going to do that. I was just going to say, well, I'm not going to do that.
so we are a proud member of Legion podcasts network and have been for the whole 12 years we've been going and we're also under the devil media umbrella if you want to find out more about legion podcast and all the other shows on the network you can go over to LegionPodcasts.com and search for all of our

(03:34:18):
catalogue and all the other shows are on there with all their episodes as well um we have an email address contact us back catalogue get out of my back catalogue um we have um gary's in there oh in your back catalogue
Call me Richard Gere. I love a fact though.

(03:34:39):
Not long ago, Gary was a cold hamster, cold, shaking and shivering away, waiting for a cat or a fox to pick it up and eat it. And just sitting there going, what's going on in this world? What is happening? Then whisked away in a pocket.
And then now lives in a lovely little enclosure and gets shouts outs on podcasts all around the world.

(03:35:02):
He's like he's famous. Well, I was going to say, maybe it's a cruel experiment by the Duke brothers. They said, but let's take a hamster who's living on the streets. Oh, no. Hamster lives on the streets and put it into the place. Street hamster.
There's another hamster out there who used to have a real life of luxury. So basically, the hamsters are in a trading places situation. Yeah, that's it, the Duke brothers. Wow. And Sarah's Coleman. She's the innocent butler.

(03:35:31):
but we have an email address the podcast on haunted hill at outlook.com if you wish to email us ask us questions
give us anything, whatever it is, basically send us an email. We are on Facebook as our Legion. If you go to Facebook and search for Legion Podcast, easy to find. Stay with us, the podcast on Haunted Hill. Like I say, we've been going 12 years.

(03:35:52):
So we have a pretty decent, solid community of hundreds of people on there. Lots of people I consider pretty good friends, even though I haven't really met some of them in real life.
I chat to them almost daily, a lot of these guys. It's a really great place, safe place. Come and join us on Facebook. It's a great place to chat. And I'm on it. We've got safe words and everything. We have got safe words. My safe word is Gary. Mine's banana. Whoa.

(03:36:15):
The old banana in the tailpipe. It's getting late. It's getting late. Yes, come and join us on Facebook. It's a great place to...
hang out uh and wherever you're listening to us now is where you can continue to listen to us we're on most podcast platforms if you google the podcast on all today or you'll find us but we are on

(03:36:38):
Spotify, YouTube, Podknife, Podbean, Apple, Podcast Addicts, and all the other usual suspects. And we have an Instagram handle, which is thepodcaston on Zidale Insta, which we use to promote the show, sending out little montages with a link to each episode. So it's a fun little...
if you want to do that do that um we are part of deadbolt um
Well, we're under the Deadwalk Media umbrella. Deadwalk Films is our production company. Go over to deadboltfilms.com. You can find out more about our short films, our feature films, comics, this podcast, the other podcast cast up, which is called... A high strangeness podcast.

(03:37:15):
With Sarah. Me and Sarah, yeah. And Gary. And Gary is carrying some squeaks. And, yeah, we talk about weird and strange and unusual things. We've just recently done Lost in the Desert. Yes.
Christmas episode coming up soon about being greedy, actually, and eating too much, and sexual fetishes with overeating. Feeders. Feeders.

(03:37:39):
deadboltfilms.com is the website there's a youtube channel if you go to deadboltfilms on youtube you can
catch loads of stuff including sanctuary moon our star wars horror film and a bunch of other stuff we've done amanda which is a fine footage movie give us some uh give us some uh subscribes and stuff it just helps us look better yeah subscribe comments all that stuff

(03:37:59):
Share it around. And Deb Ball's also on Instagram. It's just Deb Ball Films, all one word. You can go on there to see what we're up to in the background, planning out the next projects.
Finally, we are part of Patreon. So we do have Patreon supporters who support us financially. No one needs to do it, but if you do, we would...
surely appreciate it it's christmas after all um if you become a patron supporter you will get a chance to program an episode so every three episodes unless life gets in the way is a patron pick

(03:38:31):
so you will get to pick the two films that we review and tell us a very detailed or a very short email about
why you've chosen those films, what you think of them when you first watch them, all that kind of stuff. You also get a free t-shirt sent to you when you first join. You get exclusive access to our entire back catalogue, which is on Patreon, as well as bonus episodes, video episodes.

(03:38:53):
audio episodes that we put up as and when i have a new mic now so i'll be able to do a lot more um little
one-off episodes of just me if you fancy just a bit of dan or if you fancy a little bit of gav sometimes you'll see gav as well having a cup of tea looking through a big crate of vhs's there's lots of stuff to do on there uh but yeah if you want to join patreon we'd really appreciate that uh just
jump on over to Patreon and type in the podcast on Haunted Hill. Otherwise, if you're struggling, go on to Facebook Messenger, grab me, ask me and I'll direct you over there. Or you can email us again, thepodcastonhauntedhill at outlook.com.

(03:39:24):
You will also get a shout-out at the end of each episode, which I'm going to do now. So thank you to all of our beautiful patrons for your support. Merry Christmas to you all. Yes, Merry Christmas. Have a good New Year as well.
Say that to each of them. I will say Merry Christmas to Sheila. Merry Christmas, Sheila. I'll say Merry Christmas, Dante. Merry Christmas, Dante. Merry Christmas to Don Collier. Merry Christmas, Don.

(03:39:49):
Merry Christmas to Matthew Godley. Merry Christmas, Matthew. Merry Christmas to Kevin S. Fife. Merry Christmas, Kevin.
You can sing these. You've got Merry Christmas to Sarah Kane. Merry Christmas to Sarah Kane. We wish you a Merry Christmas to Rachel. Rachel, Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year to RJ McCready. McCready New Year. Happy RJ.

(03:40:13):
And may your days be merry and bright to Lex Boo. Lex Boo merry and bright. Thank you all so much for your support, patrons. I'm definitely not a young choir boy's voice, that's for sure. You're not, thank God.
No. We're walking in the air. We're walking in the air. But thank you so much to all of our patrons for your support. It does really help the episodes of the show keep moving forward and growing. Thank you.

(03:40:40):
Thank you to everybody who just listens to us, supports us, shares us, etc, etc. It's been 12 years. I hope it can continue for another 12.
This is wonderful. We won't stop because we just quite like doing it. Me and Dan get to chat to each other for four hours or twice a month. We were just saying that earlier. We quite enjoy doing it.

(03:41:01):
Yeah, it's great. I tell you what though, I like reviewing films because I'd like to think it makes me a better filmmaker.
Yeah, and it just gives me a greater appreciation for films, you know, and it's also a passion of both of us. Oh, I love films. It's the only real passion I have. I like writing music and stuff, but my... real real passion i loved skateboarding but uh skateboarding movies you know definitely yeah

(03:41:29):
Well, there we go, guys. So Merry Christmas to you all. Happy New Year. Happy holidays. Whatever it is you celebrate. And even if you don't celebrate anything, just be safe. Be happy.
Eat some good food. See your loved ones. Tell everyone you know that you love them. Because, you know, it's that time of year where everyone wants to hug everybody. And I hope it snows. I hope it snows for you all. But not in a kind of an Ellis from Die Hard kind of way. I hope it snows for real.

(03:41:54):
We don't want any cocaine for Christmas. And it's Merry Christmas from Gary. Well, it's Merry Christmas from Gary. I love that. Good old Gary. He's getting loads of fat. It's a Merry Christmas from...
the grandma who's about to drink milk with loads of crushed up pills in them it's merry christmas from the fat man i'm coming with your head fat man and it's a merry christmas

(03:42:18):
From Jamie Lee Curtis spooning me because I've got a very high fever in my bed. I need some soup, Jamie. And it's a Merry Christmas from Jamie Lee Curtis's Commodore Titties. Brilliant.
Goodnight. Goodnight, everybody. Take care. Goodbye. Thank you for listening to the podcast on Haunted Hill. We will be back again real soon.

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EPISODE 188 - TRADING PLACES and FATMAN

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}EPISODE 188 - TRADING PLACES and FATMAN