The Potential State Podcast

We’re deep in wartime. We’re surrounded by war, trauma, power, dichotomies of good and bad and power. All this impacts our relationships and hurts our ability to be vulnerable. Join us as we talk with Alan Marriott, professional improvisor, voice actor, teacher and author of Genius Now! He is one of my all-time favorite improv teachers and he is BRILLIANT. His book is phenomenal and I reached out to him so we can play together a...

Living in a war zone for over three months has taken a toll on our relationships.We have changed and so has our partner. One of the first things to go is our playfulness, joy and spontaneity. Without them, we slide into survival mode and our relationships suffer. OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Real, honest talks that offer couples practical tools to help them push past survivi...

OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Real, honest talks that offer couples practical tools to help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times. Join us as we talk to Mary Jo Barrett, MSW, Collaborative Change Consultant and author of Treating Complex Trauma: A Relational Blueprint for Collaboration and Change. We will explore how partners can get out of our surv...

*** We highly recommend you download and review The Wheel of Consent diagram as you listen to this episode. You can download it here for free: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/downloads

OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to launch the Relational Aid series, a number of real and raw talks that seek to offer couples practical tools that will help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times. J...

OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to launch the Relational Aid series, a number of real and raw talks that seek to offer couples practical tools that will help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times. Join us as we talk to Kevin A. Thompson who is a best selling author, pastor and counselor. We will explore how couples can become better partners, lovers and friends in times of crisis. For...

Join us for an honest talk with  Mark O’Connell, author and therapist about how couples can hold and maintain personal and relational multiplicity in times of crisis? How do we stay connected to our full self and remain close in times of war?

Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli run The Potential State and offer individual and relationship coaching with Galit, individual therapy for men with Assael, and couple therapy sessions with ...

Change is not easy.
Many individuals and couples are lacking a blueprint for long-term systemic change.
In this talk, we integrate Joseph Campbell's Hero Journey monomyth with systemic change concepts and our Potential State ideas and present our integrated systemic hero's journey model.
Practical tips will help you recognize which stage you are in the journey and how to advance toward your goals.
Good lu...

Hey Man (or woman),
Are you alive or are you somewhat turned off, numb, or somewhat apathetic?
If so, you're not alone.
You might be suffering from the under-diagnosed phenomenon of the covert male depression, as first described by Terrance Real.

In this talk, taken from a webinar for therapists, I share my story of covert depression and detail how this covert depression begins through psychological patri...

Are you living your full self?
Are you manifesting all your different passions and talents?
Some of us have multiple passions, and don't want to commit to only one profession.
That is called being a Multipotentialite (coined by Emilie Wapnick), or slashers.
How can you live a multipotentialite life?

This is an honest talk with friend Tal Shibi who is a slasher: dance/choreographer/photographer/director...

Many of us learn at a young age (especially boys) that vulnerability=weakness.
We therefore try to hide it and don't show it to our partners.
This results in shallow, self-presentational relationships with little vitality, excitement, play or curiosity.
Moreover, when you're not vulnerable, then you're less interesting to your partner and over time you become more numb to your own inner workings.

Fighting is inevitable in every intimate relationship.
Most of us don't like, don't know how, or don't even know when we are fighting.
Yet arguments and conflicts are a crucial element in building an intimate, differentiated relationship.
Too bad there isn't a blueprint for a "positive" fight and make up...

Well, actually, there is!

In this talk, we share a recommended thr...

Many of us find ourselves in charge or a certain dimension of our relationship alone, be it cleaning, financial planning, parenting, and more.
This sole responsibility is often a source of tension and frustration in the dyad.
This universal pattern is called the seesaw principle (as coined my Michelle Weiner Davis), where the more one person does, the less the other partner does.

In this talk we unpack the seesaw p...

Bitterness.
Usually it is a passing feeling, but sometimes we encounter a partner who is constantly bitter, and their partner who is trying to cheer them up (or avoid them).
It is so common that it has become almost a stereotype.
Women express bitterness through criticism, pessimism, grogginess, and overall negativity. Men express this feeling through cynicism, apathy, aggression, or passive aggressive behavior.

Do you have a sense your partner is sticking it to you but they keep denying it?
Do you or your partner deny certain bad behaviors to each other?

We all sometimes semi-consciously act in small negative ways to our partners -  David Schnarch calls this phenomenon "Normal Marital Sadism".  After all, the opposite of love is apathy (not hatred). So we all do it.

But when one partner continuously denies ...

Are you (or your partner) super driven to be efficient?
Is it hard for you to lower your productivity and just be?
If so, you're not alone.

Efficiency is actually a wonderful trait but can also function as a defense mechanism. That is why we call it E-FISH-NET, a big (electronic) net that catches all of you and takes you hostage.

What is the solution?
To be more present, to do less things in more...

The 'lost' years of a couple's life occur after about 7-10 years: kids, mortgage, school, aging parents, careers, bills, chores, marriage is stable, annoying in-laws, holidays, boredom, fatigue, routine...

For most couples these years tend to feel 'comfortably numb' and are sometimes disrupted with a rude awakening in the form of an affair, medical or family drama. These naturally latent years some...

"I know all there is to know about the crying game..." Boy George

Crying is a natural and organic way to express and release emotions.

Yet crying in relationship is not always easy: Some of us cry very often (over-crying) and some of us find it hard to cry at all (blocked cryers).
Both of these extremes have advantages and disadvantages, and both don't facilitate a healthy expression of feeling ...

"If I can't see your selfishness, I can't believe your generosity." Betty Martin

Many of us  have a problem expressing our desires and wants in our intimate relationships.
Why?
For men, this can stem from psychological patriarchy that deems wanting, vulnerability or need as something negative.
For others, not wanting protects us from rejection or ridicule.

But if we don't expre...

Are you a drama queen (or king)?
Are you in a relationship with a drama queen?
(Truth is that men are the real drama queens.)
If so, you probably know how draining and annoying it is interacting with such 'royalty'.

But the systemic truth is: You are encouraging them.
Yes, there is no drama queen/king without an audience.
Underneath such drama, there is usually a cry for attention or a 'l...