The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships

The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships

Welcome to the Potential State Podcast with Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli. Here we will explore different ways to enrich your relationships with yourself and others through psychology, psychotherapy, improvisation, spontaneity, art, communication skills, NLP, and more. In every talk, we share experiences, thoughts, realizations, and learnings from our marriage as well as from Assael's work as a therapist, trainer, and performer. Come join us to enrich your relationships today.

Episodes

March 7, 2021 6 min

Are you a drama queen (or king)?
Are you in a relationship with a drama queen?
(Truth is that men are the real drama queens.)
If so, you probably know how draining and annoying it is interacting with such 'royalty'.

But the systemic truth is: You are encouraging them.
Yes, there is no drama queen/king without an audience.
Underneath such drama, there is usually a cry for attention or a 'love tank' that is empty.
Are you lo...

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Most of us think that two is the most stable number in relationships.
But every dyad needs a third to stabilize it.
The process of including a third in a dyad is called triangulation.
Triangulation is a natural and unavoidable dynamic that occurs in every relationship.

The problems begin with the triangulation is fixed and rigid. It creates a 'lose-lose' dynamic that prevents all three members from raising differentiation and d...

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Imagine all the human emotion would be spread out from 1 being deep despair, all the way to 10 being extreme ecstasy.
What would be your range?
Which numbers (feelings) are you less familiar with?
Many of us are 4-6'ers. We live "between the 40's", keeping it safe, functional but also somewhat numb.

In this talk, Galit and I talk about the natural 4-6 phenomenon and its impact on relationships through examples from ou...

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Most of us believe criticism (or constructive feedback) more than praise.
Why? Because some of us grew up in homes where criticism was a way to show care.
Over time, this environment creates a core belief that "love = criticism".

Such a tendency leads to relationships fraught with conflict, cynicism, and sarcasm.

In this talk, Galit and Assael unpack this core belief and its effects through examples from their marriage and ...

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January 31, 2021 8 min

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then...

Mothers and fathers feel different kinds of guilt regarding their parenting. Kids grow up fast and we have so many things to do all the time. Times are even more challenging during COVID lock-down.

The...

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January 24, 2021 7 min

Do you secretly find it hard to feel and/or express joy in your personal life? Are you in a relationship with a joy killer?
If you do, then you're not alone!

In the past months, we have discovered that Assael has trouble expressing joy (can you say, a pessimist?), while for Galit joy is a natural and accessible resource (optimist, or as we call her a unicorn).

This sent Assael to family therapy with his parents to understand the...

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Every couple has implicit power struggles in the different areas of their relationship (sex, money, parenting, looks, intelligence, and so on...).
We call this the 95/70 rule.
It has been our experience that this dynamic is inherently present and shapes the couples' mutual functioning.
One of the ways we have been renegotiating our  95/70 contract in the past year, is by having Galit join Assael's podcast.

Reflecting on our jou...

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December 27, 2020 7 min

Many of us insist that feedback be precise or else they won't consider it.
Yet often this precision serves more as a block, a defense mechanism that prevents our growth.
In this talk, I share how people use precision as a sophisticated defense mechanism to keep them safe and prevent pain. Through examples from the clinic, I show the losses of this mechanism and how to allow yourself to "lower your standards" in order to a...

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December 20, 2020 9 min

Often times, we (especially men) prefer to solve our partner's problems instead of actually letting their feelings or pain into our awareness.
This often leads to a "report talk" dynamic where intimacy is low and partners avoid leaning on each other.
In this talk, Galit and I unpack why do we prefer to solve our partner's problems and how to stop that habit through examples from our marriage and the clinic.
Practical t...

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December 13, 2020 13 min

Most couples avoid certain unavoidable Topics or decisions. In couples therapy, we call it crucibles, T-junctions, gridlock, 70% unsolvable issues, and more.
Yet by avoiding these 'hot' issues, we are stunting our own growth.

In this talk, Galit and I offer a fresh view on these lose-lose dilemmas and offer practical advice on how to lean into them in order to grow.
Examples are given from the clinic and from our own drama aro...

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December 6, 2020 11 min

Are you (or your partner) one of those people who constantly apologize for everything, even for things that no apology is needed (for example, sorry I didn't pick up the paper you dropped)?

If so, this is not only a disempowered, defeated stance but also a subconscious passive-aggressive manipulative move. Yes, over apologizing has a "shadow" side.

In this talk, Galit and I unpack the science and art of over-apologizing, ...

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We've all been in this scenario:
Your partner asks or remarks to you on something that you don't want to do. 
Since we're scared of disappointing them and want to avoid a fight,  we "smokescreen" our truth and placate them. This often leads to heaviness, lack of play, mind reading, and tension.

The solution?

 “IT'S THAT IMPORTANT TO ME.”

In this talk, Galit and I unpack why using this sentence playfully with owne...

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How many of you have heard and internalized the feedback that you're "too much"?
If so, how has that impacted your life?
Every day we work with women (and sometimes men) who have internalized this limiting belief and its negative impact on their lives.

In this talk, Galit and I breakdown the gains and losses of this core belief, through examples from Galit's life and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you soften this...

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So often couples engage in an unconscious competition who is suffering more in the relationship.
This dynamic results in more arguments, less vulnerability, and even a breakup.

In this talk, Galit and  I describe this dynamic, the reasons behind it, and the damage it creates.
Examples are given from our marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you soften this dynamic in your own relationship.

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Why is it that when our partner tries to change their behavior, we so often shoot it down, claiming its "fake"?
Because often we have this dichotomous thinking (Eithor) that if our partner doesn't do it naturally then they're faking it.
But every new behavior will feel somewhat fake because if it was natural for us, we would've done it already!
What is the solution?
To soften our Natural/Fake Eithor.

In this talk, Ga...

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We all have tense periods where we tend to interpret anything and everything our partner says or does as negative, insulting, hurtful, or aggressive.
The Gottman researchers call this dynamic N.S.O - negative sentiment override.

This lethal dynamic has a snowball effect that is hard to stop, and can lead to deep resentment and breakup.

In this talk, Galit and I explain the reasons and dynamic of NSO through examples from our marriage ...

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Dating today is not easy.
Singles are getting tired and confused as to how to date in the 21st century, COVID, apps-filled era.
Yet we believe the dating scene should be approached from a completely different angle:
instead of going on dates, choose to see them as PLAY DATES, where your goal is to be yourself and fun.

In this talk, Galit and I offer our top ten (somewhat surprising) practical dating tips that will help you be more your...

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The media puts a lot of pressure on us to have wonderful, multi-orgasm, wall-socket sex.
But in reality, in a committed long-term relationship, mediocre (maintenance) sex is inevitable.
This causes many couples (especially men) to avoid sex and even doubt their relationship.

In this talk, Galit and I unpack the truth about maintenance sex and share why it is crucial for happy relationships.
Practical tips will help you enjoy mediocre ...

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Do you feel like you are more emotionally intelligent and somewhat superior in your intimacy skills than your partner?
Do you feel like your partner is nagging you and never happy with the level of communication and feelings you express?

If you answered yes, then you might be in the Intimacy Queen/King and Emotionally Handicapped dynamic. This dynamic hides the fact that BOTH of you are essentially avoiding mature intimacy through yo...

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For many of us yelling is a sensitive issue.
We inherit from our families of origin certain beliefs and attitudes about yelling.
Yet sometimes, yelling is a sublimatory expression of feelings, frustrations, or even excitement.
What is the difference then? How can we distinguish and work with yelling?

In this talk, Galit and I unpack this topic through examples from our marriage and the clinic.

Practical tips will help you better work wi...

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