531 | Marcus Torgerson | *Sensitive Topic

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Marcus Torgerson joined the show to discuss his new book.  We also talk about faith and moving forward.  *We do discuss suicide.  

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hey, welcome to the Protectors Podcast.
My good friend, marcusTorgerson, is back on the show
today.
You know, before we hit record,we actually, you know, stop for
a second to pray.
You know, before we hit record,we actually, you know, stop for
a second to pray.
And you know, marcus, it seemslike we always avoid that topic
when we get into, you know,podcasts and promotion and

(00:36):
marketing and trying to talk tothis everyday people.
But religion and faith is huge.
Right, it's the biggest thing,you know.
It is everyday people, butreligion and faith is huge.
Right, it's the biggest thing,you know.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
It is.
And that first word, that firstword that causes everybody,
everybody, including people whorock and roll with Jesus, to
twitch a little bit, is thatword religion, because it's
religion's actual meaning isbeing bonded.
And man, I, just man, I have arelationship with Jesus.
Right Like, if you like Jesusor you don't have a relationship

(01:10):
, whatever that's on you, man,right Like, my job is to be a
seed planter.
I'm just supposed to sit thereand be a seed planter and walk
my faith.
And if you dig it cool, if youdon't cool Either way, I'm still
going to love you right.
And if you dig it cool, if youdon't cool Either way, I'm still
going to love you Right Like.
It's not.
It shouldn't be condemnationand beating you with a Bible
Like that's man, that's garbage,that's old school way of doing

(01:32):
things.
Don't work that way, no more.
Just open up to Jesus, man.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
You know it's a very cursory overview of it and we're
going to get into it nowbecause I want to breach this
topic.
I want to talk about this topic.
I want this to be a focus forpeople to talk about, because
finding your faith is sometimes.
It's easy to some people.

(01:58):
You find it when you're in yourabsolute worst, but sometimes
it goes away.
Sometimes you've had it foryears, sometimes you grew up
with it.
Sometimes it was just somethingyou did.
You went to church on Sunday.
Sometimes you were just like,hey, you know what, I'm born
again, I'm Catholic, I'm this,I'm that, I'm Muslim or anything
.
You have your faith but thenyou lose it and it's tough.
Sometimes you have to gocompletely to the absolute pit

(02:22):
of despair before you find itagain.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, like the what's that oldsaying?
There's no atheists andfoxholes?
Right, like, yeah now.
But and I and I can see whypeople, especially people who
grew up with it Like I didn'tgrow up with with any kind of
religion.
If anything, it was verynon-religious in my upbringing

(02:46):
and the people I've talked towho have been raised with
religion, of course they'regoing to have a challenge
because they're being preachedone thing, but then when they're
at home, you know everyone'sgot their best behavior on
Sunday, but after service over,all of a sudden you're cussing,
drinking, beating your wife,you're doing all these things.

(03:08):
So the hypocrisy in religion isgoing to cause people to have a
question about what's this Godguy, what's all Jesus about?
And if there's one thinganybody gets out of this, I just
need it to be clear that yourfaith is your lifestyle, how you
live your life.

(03:29):
Right.
If you're a douchebag, don't becalling on the fact that you
rock and roll with Jesus whenyou're a piece of shenanigans.
Now, the beautiful part is andthis is you know, I'm a human
being.
I try not to judge how we act.
There will be payment for thatwhen we're dead and buried.
All I can do while I'm here nowis try my best to walk in

(03:56):
Jesus's path that he's laid outfor me, and just be the best
human being I can be.
You know what I do for a living.
I got to teach good people todo bad things to bad people.
Is there a conflict?
No, because everybody who issomebody who follows Jesus.
You got to be a warrior man.
You got to be able to stand upagainst evil, because it's

(04:18):
everywhere.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
It is absolutely everywhere, Unfortunately.
You know what there has beenevil in the church.
We're not going to get to thattoday because, man, you can just
Google it.
You can Google it.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Yeah, yeah, because human beings human beings doing
I mean our whole history ofmankind, men and women doing bad
things in the name of God.
Hey, man, they've got a specialplace, God's going to deal with
them, Not my job.
They got a special place, God'sgoing to deal with them.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Not my job.
That's what man I.
You know I'm struggling withthis so bad lately because I am
embracing my faith again.
I had to have hit rock bottomin order to do this and that's
fine, but I've clawed my way outof that abyss.
You know, it's been a while now.
I'm on this positive upstreak.
I am in a good place right now.

(05:05):
I'm pushing forward.
But while I'm doing that, Iwant to embrace my faith again.
I want to and I'm doing it.
But the problem is when you doit.
I still have that old schoolfamiliarity where I need to
embrace a church in order toembrace a faith, and I've had an
issue.

(05:25):
I remember one of my friendstold me the story they were a
police officer at one time andabout a church and how the
church wanted security there andthey wanted the cops to come
because this guy showed up andhe was disheveled.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:40):
You know, we've all felt that way.
I mean, like we I mentionedabout three minutes ago a lot of
times when you want to feelyour faith again.
You need your faith, you needthe belief in that higher power.
You're not at your best pointin your life.
You could be homeless, youcould be close to being homeless
, you could be addicted to drugs.

(06:02):
And when you go to a place of aquote-unquote worship and
you're judged by your appearance, yeah, it should be.
Listen, you're you alreadymentioned it you're your best
behavior for that two, threehours on sunday, yeah.
So embrace the people that cometo the door like, granted, hey,

(06:22):
you know what they have mentalillness and there's nothing you
can do about it.
That's different.
But if there's someone that isclearly there to be witnessed,
just embrace them.
That is your responsibility.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yes, yeah, it's biblical, it's scriptural.
Jesus said we're there for thesinner, not for those that are
saved.
We're supposed to be a hospital.
We're supposed to be welcoming,not sitting in the back,
treating them like dirt, notdoing it for likes and public

(06:58):
approval.
Get rid of all that and do whatyou're supposed to be doing in
Jesus's loving, caring ways.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
There.
I don't want to discount church, I don't, because there are
some good ones out there and youknow around.
So I'm like around here, I'mlike, well, you know I really
don't know a lot of religiouspeople and my daughter and I
both want to go back to church.
You know it's kind of our.
You know we've, and my son, Ithink he's going to go with us.
But but I reach out to one ofmy friends and I'm like, hey, I
know, you know you pray a lotand you know where do you go to

(07:29):
church.
And they're like, well, youknow, I don't really I haven't
found a church here and I'moutside of DC.
And they're like so I have,they have a Bible study every
Wednesday and they, you know,for an hour.
So you know, you could buildyour place of worship at your
kitchen table, of course, onyour couch, and I'm almost
leaning that way.
But my problem is this is Ihave been away from it for so

(07:56):
long that it's tough to get thatfoothold and foothold is my
word of the day.
You know that because you watchmy video but it's tough for me
to get my foothold back into it.
So that's one thing I wanted totalk to you about is because
you haven't always been this way.
You haven't always been abeliever.
You've been a sinner.
We all are.
How did, when did you get tothat point where you're like I
need this and it couldn't havejust been.

(08:16):
I mean, yeah, it could havebeen one day, but I don't think
it was with you.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
No, you, no.
Well, so the the.
The abbreviated version isbecause otherwise we'd be here
all day we can be here all day.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Marcus, honestly, well, I don't want the
abbreviated, I want to know,because I want people to
understand this I was.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
I was married for the second time and when my my wife
wanted to divorce, um, I, I wasashamed and embarrassed and I,
I ran away.
I was like that's it.
And a mutual friend of ours,ben skillset magazine.
He was like dude, just come toarizona, come to arizona.

(08:57):
And so I put all my stuff instorage, grab some stuff and I
flew out to arizona just to runaway from texas, to run away
from the shame and embarrassment.
And looking back, you know,zooming out, I can see, okay, I
was already, I was already beingthere.

(09:18):
Many seeds had been planted inthe in my lifetime.
I can see it.
And and man, I hated God.
I was angry, angry at god.
I cussed god out for decadesand he would still put these
people in my life during thistime.
I was in texas, even when I wasin israel.
Actually, even when I wasisrael, he was still planting

(09:38):
seeds.
And uh, rick hogg, good friendof ours, right, he, on a phone
call with me, started to reallytalk to me about forgiveness
because I, just I held on tosomething shitty I did for
20-something years and Iwouldn't let it go and it would
just destroy me and just plusworking for the enemy for so

(09:59):
many years and just I just waslost.
So when I went to Arizona, godreally did take that as an
opportunity to have me alone.
He isolated me right, kept mealone, and he would just my.
My eyes were opening, my heartwas opening.
And then, in 2021, I went outthere in 2019, 2021, a good

(10:24):
friend of mine uh, the louisfamily they're.
They've been with me since heone of the guys, her son oh, I
need to slow down a moment.
The louis family is a jay andwendy husband, father, mother
and father and they have a sonnamed john thomas, and he was
working for me and my wife atthe time at our Krav Maga school
in Texas.
And then he went off andstarted to preach, as his father

(10:51):
is a preacher, and he said, hey, we're going to be in Arizona
because they were traveling andevangelizing.
And he went and they met upwith me and he said I got some
bad news.
He said my mom passed away.
Now, like you, death is not.
I'm not a a stranger to death.
I have a very pragmatic view ofdeath, but that one jay, it, it

(11:13):
, it gutted me.
It gutted me and the very firstthought that came my head is oh
shit, I'm not gonna see her,she's in heaven, I won't see her
.
And immediately that was likethe very first thought.
And as we were talking andcrying, we spent several hours
together.
The only thing I thought about,the only thing I knew, was I
need to get baptized.
I didn't know anything fromnothing.

(11:35):
I just had been told well, youget dunked and then you get to
go to heaven.
So I got home, I got on thephone, I called her husband,
wendy's husband, jay.
I said hey, uh, if you're notgoing anywhere, like he just
burying his wife, where's hegoing to go?
You know?
So he.
I said hey, I want to come outnow.
Here's where it's a little fuzzyI can't remember if I was like,

(11:56):
can you dunk me?
Or if I was like planning toget there and then dunk me.
It's irrelevant.
Bottom line is it's December.
I don't even remember the date.
For those of you who arewatching, if you're interested,
go to my Instagram.
My dunking is pinned.
You'll see a blue shirt and hedunks me and I didn't have an
aha moment.
I didn't have coming out of thewater and being like, oh, he'd

(12:22):
already been working on me andthen he just was working on me
more and my heart was open tohim.
And the minute my heart wasopen to him, the transformations
that he's been doing and hasdone are remarkable because you
knew me before I got dumped.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
Yeah, right, yeah, it's crazy, though.
I actually have known you for along time now and I've I've
noticed a transformation andI've noticed it's this
humbleness, and you know, youknow writing the book we'll get
into the book later on but it'stough to to be in this game and,

(12:58):
um, you know, you want to havebusinesses, you want to do this,
you want to do that, but thenthe other aspects that you want
to be genuine and that genuine,and that's why, you know, I, I
would be remiss if I didn't wantto talk about, you know that,
that feeling of being baptized,if the, that acceptance of jesus
, I, you know, I man, I don'teven know if I told this story

(13:20):
in a long time, but I rememberit.
I, I didn't have the greatestchildhood in the world and I
don't blame anybody exceptmyself, you.
We go through that problemwhere we want to blame everybody
but ourself.
And you know, I think I wasaround 16, 15 or 16 is.
I had a girlfriend at the timeand I was going through some
rough stuff man.
I got kicked out of my house.
I was just, really just in abad place, partying all the time

(13:44):
and trying to find something toquench this devil that was in
my mind, the pain and depression, and trying to find everything
I could do.
And I remember her parents wereyouth pastors at the time and I
remember I prayed forforgiveness and took Jesus in my

(14:06):
heart.
And I remember that night I hadthis dream, the most lucid
dream I ever had, about being inhell.
I mean, to this day I've neverhad a dream that was so clear
that this was really me in helland that I wasn't going to hell
anymore me in hell and that Iwasn't going to hell anymore.

(14:26):
But then the problem is, youknow, you have these years and
years in between then and now.
Where you lose, you lose that,and I think a lot of times we
lose our faith is because welose faith in ourselves.
First you lose faith inhumanity, and then you, then, I
think, you lose faith inyourself and then you don't feel
like you're worthy.

Speaker 2 (14:46):
Yeah, yeah, always.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
And it and that's the thing is you always, and up to
this point, up until a fewmonths ago, I didn't think I was
worthy enough to to be part ofanything anymore.
But we're not With faith, yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
That's why we have Jesus.
Jesus is what makes us worthy.
I don't even know if that's,but with all the shit that we
feel, it's Jesus that does that.
We on our own suck Right yeah.
Right yeah we do Believe me, Iknow.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Right yeah, Right yeah.
We do Believe me, I know Right.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
And see when people are listening to this.
I need, I feel I want to makesure that the people who are
feeling this because you've hadsome revelation and you're
opening back up to Jesus, somerevelation and you're opening
back up to Jesus I want everyonewho is for, the people who have

(15:43):
given their life to Jesus,first to remember that.
You know, we hold on to theright hand of God, right, the
righteousness of God.
We hold on to it, right, butthis is really what's going on.
Our hands are like this and hishand never lets go.
So all those times that you'vebeen any, all of us have felt
like we're wishy-washy, we'refar away, we're distant and

(16:04):
we're.
He's holding on to us the wholetime and the people who are
listening to this were like,well, I'm not safe, so what
about me?
I can say from personalexperience his arms are already
open.
They've been there.
You're in tight from the minuteyou were conceived before,
before you were conceived, healready loved you.
His hands were open and all hewanted you to do is say, hey, I

(16:24):
want a relationship with you,and then those hands hug you and
then he holds on to you for therest of your life.
You can't get rid of them.
You can't, likeesus can't loveme any more than he already does
.
He loves me perfectly.
All I need to do is embrace it,and that means, as you have

(16:46):
done and many of us have done,is to just be like yeah, I
fucked that one up, didn't Ilord?
I just dropped the ball.
Yep, you did.
No, let's go.
I'm picking you up with my handand let's walk.
I use the children analogyperfectly, because you've got
your son and daughter correct.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
Okay, let's zoom back to when they were toddlers,
right, they did their first step.
You were like yaha, and thenthey faceplanted and you're like
, okay, now, when they faceplanted, did you sit there and
go?
You loser?
Oh, my God, I can't believe howmuch of a failure and

(17:25):
disappointment you are to me.
Get up on like you did Right,and we joke about it because we
do it.
So if we wouldn't do that toour children, why do you think
that God's going to do that tous?
He would never get up.
I got you.
How many times have you heldonto your child's shirt, right?
Because you knew for sure theywere going to have some kind of

(17:47):
disaster, and they held on toher.
What do you think that God doesto us?
Same thing.

Speaker 1 (17:54):
I'm doing it now.
Still, they're almost 17 and 15.
Yeah, and the reason I broughtthis up, the reason I wanted to
talk about it today, was becauseone of the posts I did this
morning was about stress, andyou know a lot of the stress and
a lot of the setbacks we've hadin our life.
A lot of times we always talkabout the physical setbacks.
Like me, I push myself morethan I've ever pushed myself in

(18:18):
my life.
Now, at 52 years old, I mean, I, I, if I get a day off of the
gym, I feel I need it, I need tobe there, I need, I need, I'm
on this multiple attack of mymind right now and my body,
because I'm, I'm becoming thebest version, something that I
don't feel like I could havebefore, and a lot of that has to

(18:40):
do with a lot of personalthings going on or that actually
have gone on with my life.
I'm past them now and now I'm,I'm moving into this different
phase of my life and I've hadsome.
You know I was getting to thepoint where I was walking, like
you know, five, six miles at atime, or, on a weekend's, 10
miles, and my body, like theother day, my ankle was just

(19:02):
like.
You know.
You can't really be doing thisanymore, jay.
You need to take a break, and Idid so.
I just did an alternativemethod where I just got on a
bike, where it's no impact.
So what I did was I reshiftedand I refocused.
But one thing about this, thisset, this phase of my life is
I'm doing different is I'm notjust attacking my body, I'm not
just looking at my health.

(19:23):
I'm not looking at my diet andwhat I'm putting into it and my
physicality, I'm looking at mymind.
To me, that's meditation.
In the morning I've been slackand I should be meditating at
night.
It's, it's therapy, and nowit's it's also embracing my
faith.
So why I wanted to talk to that, to you, about that today, is

(19:44):
to show the people that youcould actually have these
conversations Right, and itdoesn't have to be about
Christianity, it can be aboutanything you want.
Yeah, embrace something becausethis stress man.
Embrace something because thisstress man, the stress setbacks,
I think, are one of thetoughest ones.
And listen, there's adifference between stress and
depression yeah, believe me andanxiety.

(20:07):
You know stress and anxietykind of hand in hand, but
depression is that's anotheranimal we can get into it
another day.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Cause I, man, I've been fighting that beast for
about 40 years.
But that Because, man, I'vebeen fighting that beast for
about 40 years.
But the stress is somethingthat it could set you back
physically, Because what happensis you get really stressed out
and you can't get to the thingsthat you need to be doing.
Right, right.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Well, so I do have a bit of an opinion about stress,
and later on I'll get intobecause the last three days have
been the epitome of stress.
So I look at stress now andthere's stoics and you've got
all these people that and I'mnot mocking them there's people

(21:00):
that yearn for a certain type ofmental fortitude.
I would challenge you orencourage you, to, whomever it
is, when you're like I'mstressed man, I can't do this to
, because it's fear-based, right, I can't, I'm, oh, my goodness,
I'm going to fail and, as a if,if, instead of that fear, quite
honestly laugh, smile and saythank you for this stress, thank

(21:29):
you, thank you for thisopportunity to test me in what I
really need to do and work andwhat's important, like the video
, the guy that you know you saidthe guy couldn't go and work
out.
He's.
Thank you for this opportunity.
You know what I couldn't get todo?
That workout, but I can do 50burpees, right, I can do this,
and really all we're doing is instress.

(21:50):
If we look at stress and it'sfear, fear.
All we're doing is giving asingle finger salute to that
fear, fear.
All we need, all we're doing,is giving a single finger salute
to that fear, that stress isliterally nothing more than an
opportunity, truthfully anopportunity.
This isn't, no, you know,robbins.
What's the guy?
Ted Robbins, or?

Speaker 1 (22:08):
Tim Robbins yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
Tim Robbins.
I'm not Tim Robbins, you knowGod bless him and his six foot
eight butt but it really is whenwe look at our stresses and go,
wow, this is my opportunity tosee where I'm really, where my,
my, my blind spots are, andembrace them.
The problem is we areconditioned from birth.
Our parents everybody talksabout well, you're stressed,

(22:33):
it's really bad.
Or oh, the old woe is me andand guilt and shame and
condemnation and fear and it'sreally bad.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
Or oh, woe is me and guilt and shame and condemnation
and fear.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
It's all garbage, it's all a lie.
Stress is a lie in the fear.
Stress is an opportunity toembrace everything that's going
on with you.
I can promise you this thatwhen somebody is getting
stressed or anxious, right thatanxious feeling, and even the
people who don't have anyrelationship with Jesus, even

(23:01):
though the people with Jesus,end up having more anxiousness,
which really frustrates mebecause we're supposed to give
it to him.
Hey, you know what?
I'm feeling?
Like a bag of dirt and I'msuper nervous.
I'm super nervous.
I'm freaking out.
Lord, take it, it's yours.
You didn't give me this.
It is not from you, and if itain't from you, I'm giving it
back to you.
Okay, let's keep the people whoare believers in one section.

(23:23):
Please embrace that.
And if you're not a believer,you know what that anxiousness?
It's a lie.
It is a lie Because it's rootedin fear.
Anything rooted in fear is alie.
And the minute you can say,well, I'm scared, that's a lie.
I'm not diminishing how youfeel.
Right, how you feel isauthentic, that is.
That is how you're feeling.

(23:44):
The anxiety inside of you is atrue feeling when you welcome it
and take it as it is.
Yeah, you're going to beoverwritten.
You're going to be in a fetalposition.
The sky is falling as opposedto.
I'm feeling this.
Okay, all right, what do we gotgoing on here?

(24:08):
Your book launch didn't go theway you wanted to.
You burnt all the dinner thatyou were supposed to be cooking
for your ever-loving.
You didn't meet your metric,your quota of whatever you're
supposed to do.
Hold on a minute.
First of all, how important isall this stuff?
Now?
If you have children, ifthey're now, I'm not it's
important that we say this yourchildren are ill or your loved

(24:32):
one is ill.
Please don't mesh them together.
There's a time and a place foreverything, but in our general
lifetime, things crap.
We got going on.
It's not that big a deal.
It never will be that big adeal, and the easiest way to
make it not a big deal is tolook at it face on and be like
whatever.

(24:53):
And workouts are and I useworkouts because there are
people who, when life stressesthem out, our first thing we let
go of is usually something thatwould be positive for us, and
that's where fear loves to well.
You shouldn't work out becauseyou've got to do that.
Your TPS report is due, right?
It's all garbage.

(25:13):
It's all a lie.
If you're not, just hear me out, just hear me.
Marcus Aurelius, I believe,said smile in the face of
adversity, right, I like thatsaying, because it basically
gives a single-finger salute tofear.
Because it's a liar, just a bigfat, stupid liar, and it can
kick rocks.
There you go.

(25:33):
Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
Now that's where the wins come in.
I'd like that you mention thatthe first thing people always do
is they put the workout.
The workout could be 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes.
You're doom scrolling for 30,40 minutes a day on social media
Easily, and if you're stressedout, that win can be just
hitting the gym.
Not even hitting the gym, butjust getting outside.

(25:56):
I like to tie it on the walkingthing.

Speaker 2 (25:59):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
It could be doing the burpees, it could be do
anything.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
Anything you're physically able to do.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, absolutely, and it and you can do it.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:10):
Uh, you gotta get the winds in, man.
Yeah, cause I tell you the thewins will help with the anxiety
and the stress.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
Huge, huge.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
And what you put in your body too.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
Well, and this is, you know, the more you start to
do.
I know they say that you can'toutwork out your diet, but for
the normal people that arelistening to this, who aren't,
you know, influencers and allthat stuff, let's say you're
eating just crappy.
Okay, you're just you're eatingcrappy.
Crappy can be relative towhatever you think it is.

(26:42):
You will just oh, there we go.

Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
Um, you will.
You will start, uh, justthrough transformations that
you're going through, you'llstart eating better.
The same as with what you'rereading, what you're watching.
You start to feel better aboutwho you are.
You're less likely to take inoutside things that you go
inside of you because you'relike I don't need to be seeing

(27:09):
this, I don't need to be eatingthis, I don't need six Krispy
Kreme donuts, I'll have one.
Because moderation is important.
It's important to have somestuff that you know is not that
good for you.
Well, a little bit, what's that?
A little bit right.
And I just think that the ratioof crappy food and good food
changes as you start to makeyour.

(27:32):
I feel crappy.
I'm working out, working outhealthy, scalable exercise.
All of a sudden, that goes.
Everything starts to change andyour friends will change and
what you ingest will change.
It's just, it starts with asingle step.
I know that's a cliche, but youknow I'm telling the truth.
People are people diffuse.
Walking they blow it away.

(27:52):
You can't walk, you got to doblah, blah, blah.
Walking is the single bestthing you can do on this planet.
There's your time to talk toJesus.
There's your time to meditate.
There's your time to just letgo of crap Talk.
I like putting in earphones andjust talking out loud so that
people don't think I'm deranged.
I have huge talks with Jesus.

(28:14):
I'm like yep, I know, I know,or I'll just air out the crap
that's inside.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
Right, my mental space and that's what really
kicked me this week was not.
I didn't think I had an outlet.
I was like, oh man, what am Igoing to do?
Because I need my walks.
So I hopped on the bike and Iwas like, gosh, shit, this works
, yep, works, just works.
Just you know, yeah, the thingis, but you and I, I tout the
the walking all the time.

(28:41):
But you mentioned a lot of goodthings about when you put crap
food in your body, it affectsyour mentally.
It affects you mentally, yeah,because you're not getting good
enough fuel.
And yeah, I haven't alwaysbelieved me.
I've let my body come up anddown and yo-yo over the years.
But I, I can tell you right now, the most clarity I've had is
when I'm putting all thesepieces together rather than just

(29:03):
being like Because if you canwork out as hard as you want,
but if you're not fueling it,yeah, if you're not fueling it
right, you're not, you're goingto be dying out at the end of
the workout and in this day andage, you can't use ignorance as
an excuse.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
The worst thing you can do is google.
The best thing you can do isgoogle, right like.
You just cannot claim ignoranceanymore.
You know what to eat.
There's 900 gazillion tokabillions trillions of things
to do.
A lot of times, though, let'sbe honest, when we're not
feeling good about ourselves,who we are inside, the easiest

(29:38):
go-to again.
We're conditioned, as a humanbeing, to let go of fitness, to
let go of our eating, to dodestructive things, watch
destructive movies, listen todestructive music, be around
destructive people when we don'tfeel like we have any worth.
Yeah that's really, and you dohave worth.

(30:00):
You have to you do now.
I'm not going to blow sunshineup your ass.
If you, you know, if you'redoing stupid stuff, let's work
on that stupid stuff.
You're still worthy to be loved.
You're still worthy to takecare of yourself physically, of
course, you are.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
And that brings me up to the other point too is you
could have all of these personalmechanisms in place.
You know you can have the diet,the meditation, the, this, the
but you really need a network.
You need your friends.
Just like you said, when youhad that crisis, you were, you
know, you're like, oh, movingright to Arizona, boom, you had
a network, you had someone totalk to.

(30:38):
You make friends and I thinkthat is really one of the
biggest things is to have peopleyou could rely on.
Yeah, the 3am to the 3am textsand this is a two way streak
this is for you to be availableto them, because, with you
helping other people and a lotof times in the protector
community, you always want tohelp other people so you being

(30:59):
on the other end of that 3 amtext will actually help you out
yeah, yeah, yeah and again I'mgonna.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
I I will always go to jesus.
Only because of my personalexperience, when people are at
bottom and you do reach out at 3am and there's no one there for

(31:26):
a variety of reasons, believeme the amount of guilt that men
and women have for not beingthere for people and then they
died as if it was their fault.
I, I, I implore you that whenyou're at that point where
you're like three in the morning, I need to reach out.
Please, if you're a believer,go to jesus and if you're not a

(31:50):
believer, just scream at Jesus,be like look, I need somebody
here.
And this is where I getfrustrated, because the enemy
whispers and says you're alone,nobody's there for you.
Look, you did your phone calland nobody was there.
You should blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, and it's a lie.

(32:16):
I have a universal rule withregards to my friends or
acquaintances or whoever who arein places where they're
thinking about taking their ownlife by their own hand.
Okay, you didn't get in touchwith me.
You're not allowed to doanything until we talk, when we
talk.
If afterwards you still want togo and do the deed, so be it,

(32:39):
but you're not allowed to dothat deed until we have some
type of vocal communication.
Now, that hasn't always worked.
It hasn't.
There's been men and women whohave just they just didn't want
to do it anymore.
And suicide is no joke, and Idon't want to diminish again

(33:01):
what people are going through,who will always be there 24
hours a day, seven days a week,365, anytime, and be there in a
loving way, and that's God.
That's it.
There is no other.
Because and I say that onlybecause I don't know how many

(33:21):
times you've missed a phone callOkay, I don't know, but if you
have, if anybody listening tothis has ever missed a phone
call, the lie is it's your fault.
You could have changed it.
And I want to just bear with mefor one second.
I had a guy his name is RupertEnglishman hunter just good

(33:44):
bloke, right, if you've beenaround the UK people and I
hadn't talked to him for a whileand he messaged me.
We talked, we phoned, he wasall drunk and he was like yep,
okay, good.
He even posted on Facebook hey,marcus, thanks for saving my
life and then 20 minutes laterkilled himself.
I thought we had made itthrough.

(34:06):
Now, whether I talked to him ornot talked to him, he was going
to do it Shitty, we're not.
Our job is just to be the bestwe can be at that very moment.
It's not our job to stop peoplefrom hurting themselves.
All we can do is try to be alight A light.

(34:28):
So if you're just and I'm sayingthat because there's somebody
right now listening who is atbottom.
They are in the dark.
There's nothing but nothing,and I pray that if you're
listening to this one, you'renot alone, which means nothing,
because when you're feeling thisway, you don't care if there's
anybody else.
And secondly, to reach out andgive grace.

(34:49):
It's tough when you want tokill yourself.
To show grace to the peopleyou're reaching out to because
maybe they're not available andit's not you, they're just going
through their own things aswell.
And then please show yourselfsome grace that maybe you're
supposed to be alive.
Maybe the fact that you didn'tget the reach out and they
weren't there means that you'resupposed to talk to them
tomorrow.
Give it a shot, stay alive.

(35:10):
Don't let the enemy win.
If nothing else, just stayalive just to piss off the devil
.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
There's got to be a light.
There is, there's got.
It doesn't even have to be alight, it has to be something
where you could pull yourselfout of that darkness man.
And you know that the thingabout suicide and you know I've
talked about my issues in thepast is that it's a numbness man
.
You're already pot committedand you're like, well, hmm, but

(35:37):
then all it really does is needyou to see something, yep,
something to latch onto thatkeeps you alive.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
Yep, and unfortunately not everybody's
going to say, oh, you know,god's there for me because at
this point you're at your lowest.

Speaker 2 (35:50):
Of course, yeah, yeah .
Yeah, no no, no, most of thetime, most of the time that
believers that kill themselvesare doing it because they think
that they'll never get to heavenas a result of it.
So you know it.
I think that when we're at thepoint where we're wanting to
take our own life, we just haveto acknowledge the fact that we
need something that feels empty,and I am a big believer in just

(36:20):
pause for a minute, stopdrinking, stop doing what you're
doing, stop watching that movie, stop listening to that music,
just stop.
Go to sleep.
When you wake up the next day,breathe and then make a phone
call, because the phone calls atthree o'clock in the morning

(36:45):
and you're drunk.
You're never really listening.
Anyways, right, you're not?
Yeah, and and this is is whereI don't know how far to go with
this, but everything is alwaysbetter in the morning Go to
sleep, wake up with a hangover,check your phone to see how many
stupid messages that you shouldhave made, and then reach out

(37:08):
to the one person or two people,or three people.
And and then reach out to theone person or two people or
three people and take a steptowards a light.
A light, not the light, a lightRight.

Speaker 1 (37:20):
Yeah, absolutely, brother.
I agree with you there.
The morning is like once youget to it, you have the whole
day.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah Agreed.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
And I don't you know.
I'm glad you're on today,because I hate shying away from
topics.
I, I don't do it anymore.
I refuse to do it anymore.
I'll talk about anything exceptpolitics.
I don't like talking about that.
Yeah, it's just that is.
One thing that we need to talkabout, though, is unity.
I mean, unity is great, yep,and just you get out of these
echo chambers, you know, bepositive about life, and yet,

(37:56):
believe me, it's tough, and Iget into my echo chambers as
well, different types, but whenyou have certain like just when
you're always ingesting hate andyou're always ingesting the
videos and negative videos anddepression, it's, that's part of
it, man, it's part of themental health.
Is you gotta?
You could put the best food inyour body, you can go to the gym

(38:18):
all day long, but if you're,you're putting crap into your
mind.

Speaker 2 (38:21):
Yeah, it's just gonna , you're just gonna be in a dark
space yep, and, and thebeautiful part about that is
it's fixable, super fixable.
And you know, sometimes you gotto cut people out of your life.
Sometimes people are justmiserable people and they just
all they want to do is talkabout, and this is a great, a
great barometer is start talkingabout the world.

(38:44):
Be like yeah, you know what,though?
I saw this, we got the bloodmoon coming up and that's going
to be dope.
Yeah, as soon as they startbeing like negative, just be
like look, dude, I love you, butyou're in a, you're in a dark
place and I've had people crapon me.
They're like marcus.
Now you're pushing away peoplejust because they're not mr
positive, there's a bigdifference between somebody who

(39:06):
is dwelling on something bydesign, unwilling to listen to
anything at all.
Yeah, I am going to cut themloose because I'm not the one
that's supposed to talk to them.
They need to talk to somebodyelse, and it's somebody else's
job who has the fortitude atthis point in time to be able to
sit there and talk them out ofthe nonsense that they're

(39:27):
thinking.
Sometimes it's me, sometimesit's you they're thinking,
sometimes it's me, sometimesit's you, sometimes it's
somebody over at walmart.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
You know, just know that it's not everything is your
job yeah, then everythingthat's a lot of things is uh in
our world and a lot of people weknow is you take on the
responsibility of everybody else.
You take on their, their pain,you take on their heartache, you
take on everything and you tryto save them.
You try to save them and youpour everything you have into

(39:58):
them and then sometimes it justdoesn't work.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
It doesn't Well, it doesn't ever work Because you
cannot save.
I can't, you know you talk tomarriages.
Now I've been twice divorced,so if either of my ex-wives were
to listen to this, I thinkthey'd laugh.
But it's not their job tochange me, right?

(40:22):
Marcus is this way, marcus isthat way.
It's not their job.
It's my job to be open to thetransformation, to to be a
better version of myself.
Now, obviously, for me I, it'sjesus's job to, to, to, to work
on the stuff that's inside of me, that this stuff, this brain
that gets me into trouble allthe time.
But it's not your job, as myfriend, to sit there and change

(40:43):
me and help me, save me frommyself.
It doesn't work that way.
I need to own my shit.
It's on me.
It's on me.
I need to do it.
And there's where I get conflictwith other people who are in
mental duress.
Own your shit.
Own it, not I'm a mess up or anF up, right, like, not that,

(41:06):
because we're all F ups.
Own your share of where you areand then make the small baby
steps.
You know, you've heard me saybaby steps over.
That is the best advice ever.
Baby steps, man, little ittybitty.
Baby steps forward and you dropdown.
You keep moving forward andthose baby steps before you know

(41:26):
what.
You're 10 miles from from fromwhere you were before, right.
Like it's not other people,it's not the world's job to save
you.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
And that's my advice to myself too is take baby steps
.
You always want to jump 110% in.
There's no 110%, but you wantto jump 100% into something
because you need to fix rightaway.
You need to fix yourself, yourmind, your body, your everything
, and then those injuries happen.
Then this happens.
But if you look at it as along-term goal and you said you

(41:59):
know what?
I am going to take baby steps.
Yeah, you know, I, uh, I.
Every time I laugh, every time Ithink about it, I'm like I
start, I'm thinking to myself,I'm like, okay, I'm doing all
these different things for mymind.
I'm like, what am I doing this?
What can I do?
That's been different.
So I'm like I'm looking over onmy countertop and I'm like, I,
I gotta paint my numbers.
So I have, I have my thing.
I go to the gym, I come back, Ipick one number to paint.

(42:21):
Today I think today was 15 I'mdoing the, the everglades,
because it's gonna be painting,it's gonna go on my wall.
And, uh, I'm painting becauseit, while I'm doing it and
trying to pay attention todetail and and it's something
new and something different,that it's just a different focus
where I'm not just alwaystalking about guns and shooting

(42:43):
and this and writing about thisand that everything.
I'm just doing something thathas nothing to do with anything.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Yeah, nothing to do with anything yeah, yeah, I have
to say that that the minutethat you take baby steps as your
lifestyle and not a and Iunderstand there's a lot of
people and it could be, youcould be a whole anybody that is
goal oriented, I must achievethis.
To get that and a lot of,especially our military guys,
are people are the same way Ineed to do a and B to get to C

(43:12):
and I and I encourage anybody Italk to it's.
It's a cliche, don't thinkabout the end goal.
Embrace the process, process.
Well, all that, all those fancywords saying this is this is
your lifestyle.
Your lifestyle is going fromhere to that thing to do that,
and then you're going tolifestyle, over to that thing,

(43:33):
and just have joy, find joy ingetting to whatever that is
paint by numbers is brilliant,because you're finding joy that
has nothing to do with nothing.
There's no joy when you'retalking about guns.
If it's something you have todo every day.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
There's no joy in that.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
Right, you have written.
If there's no joy in writing,then why bother writing?
Because you have to.
No, ixnay, that is not now.
It's like cooking.
I can't cook for something, man, I burn water.
But what I love watching when Isee people who have a joy for

(44:20):
cooking is there's somethingthat comes out of the food.
That is not perfect, it'sfilled with joy.
I'm eating the joy ofsomebody's doing something and
then serving somebody else Again.
Serving my big thing is aboutserving.
I want to serve other peopleand the only way I can serve
people is if I serve myself, andserve myself with joy.
Joy is the word du jour, man,joy, and you can't fake joy no,
and creativity is huge.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
And when you, when you talk about cooking and
everything, I had a brief stintback in the uh in my 20s where I
was like I was like, man, Iwant to go to cooking school.
I can, I really.
I love watching the cookingshows and I'm not really a great
cook, but I was always likethere's something and art about
it to where, if you learn theright ingredients and you
practice it, that you could bereally good at.

(45:03):
And I was like I wonder, if Itook that step, if I never would
have got in a law enforcement,my whole life would have changed
, because I mean, it's just soweird, though, like you think
about things like that.
You have to just find acreative outlet, man.
It could be like you know, onetime when my kids I think about
15 years ago, not 15 years ago,they were a little bit old,
they're not that old yet I thinkabout 10 years ago I started

(45:24):
getting them into like woodcarving.
Oh yeah, you know just littlethings.
I is the only moment thatmatters, yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Yeah, I'm going to think about you know, after we
finished talking, I'm going tohave some to eat.
I got some stuff to do, butreally this moment has been the
blessing.
This is the gift, this giftright now, this day, this moment
, that's all that matters.
Yesterday is stupid.
It's over with.
It's a dump that we tookyesterday, flushed it, it's over
with.
And tomorrow and I don't knownothing about tomorrow I can try

(46:15):
to have tomorrow, but if Idon't.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
well, that's why I look forward to these
conversations nowadays, Causethe podcast at one time was more
about it's just, it got intomonotony and it wasn't real deep
conversations.
That's why I did want to talkabout Jesus today.
I want to talk about God.
I want to talk about faith,because not everybody believes
in the same God, the same faith.

(46:38):
But I wanted to talk aboutgetting out of these zones.
Yeah, and I also do want totalk about your book.
Be a man.
What the fire truck?
Does that even mean?

Speaker 2 (46:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
And there's a lot of lessons learned here and you
have a lot of lessons learned.

Speaker 2 (47:02):
God, yeah, and there's a lot of lessons learned
here, and you have a lot oflessons learned, god knows.
Yes, yes, yeah, um, somebodywhen I was promoting this book,
and I'll get into everything injust a second but something I'm
about to read to you is going toimpact you personally probably
more than anybody else.
Just bear with with me.
I am not promoting myself.
I am promoting a message thatneeds to be heard.
A guy named Jason, firefighter,believer in Jesus, he wrote a

(47:25):
bunch of books and I posted onFacebook something about it and
he said his message, fullmessage, was please remember
this after you publish it.
And then he said those wordsand they have been so impactful
because, for myself, I don'tlike to talk about my creation,

(47:46):
what I did, like I, I just don'tvery, I'm very concerned about
egotistical behavior.
And me, me, me.
Now, this book, the book thatyou're holding, everything from
the beginning of how it startedto now, whether you want to

(48:07):
believe it or not, has been ledby God, every single part of it,
the title of it, the content,the cover, the people behind the
scenes.
You know about this bookintimately because of our
relationship, but what you don'tknow is your piece of the

(48:29):
puzzle.
So, for those that don't know,I'm going to tell you just bear
with me five seconds.
So I write this book.
I partially wrote this book andthen I got an email from a
woman out of nowhere saying hey,I'm a ghostwriter and I'd like
to help you with your book.
I'm like God, wow, okay, whoa.

(48:49):
Now, the minute that, from thefirst day she emailed me to
after our conversation, it was aspan of three days I finished
the book and I was like and Ijust finished the book.
And then, you know, she waslike okay, it's 80 dollars and
80 cents a word, then I'm gonnaedit.
And I just I was okay, well, Ican't afford that.

(49:10):
So I went from my high up, yes,to crash and burn.
I'm in a fetal position.
Okay, what lord, what do youwant me to do?
And after that, literally I'dsay a day, maybe not even a day
you and I had the conversationand you generously said hey, I

(49:31):
got, I got this, don't worryabout it, man.
All of a sudden, hope which Ithink is the most important
thing anybody gets out of thisconversation is we have to have
hope, and you instilled hopethat this book was supposed to
happen Now.
The problem with being generousis you forget that you have 90

(49:53):
million things going on in yourlife and so it just wasn't, the
timing wasn't right for thisbook and you and helping me and
all that, but the hope that yougave me was only from god.
It can only be from god.
There's no other other example,because a day after, or that

(50:14):
same day that you and I had theconversation, we're like I don't
think it's going to work Abeautiful friend named Kate, we
were talking about somethingelse and I brought up the book.
And she goes oh, yeah, I've, uh, I used to be an editor for, uh
, you know, in my younger years.
She goes yeah, just send me thebook.
Now this is a year, this is ayear in the making between

(50:39):
starting the book, all the stuff.
And then she did, and you know,you saw how I write.
I'm talking on my phone.
It's not easy to edit my wordsinto English.
So here we are now the book isdone.
I don't know what to do about abook.
I have no idea.
I've never published a bookbefore and I remember you're
like no, it's super easy, don'tworry about it.

(51:00):
And then my friends, the onesthat met me in Arizona when I
was there John Thomas and hiswife Brooke Brooke, had written
a couple of books.
She was was well, I'll walk youthrough KDP or Amazon or
whatever.
Yeah, okay, great.
And then and this is, I'm gonnavery quickly get into the so
this cover.
Okay, you see, this cover.

(51:21):
Okay, I'm gonna tell you whythis cover so awesome.
It was done by her husband,john Thomas.
He's not a graphic artsdesigner, he's just a good guy
who's talented.
And I said, okay, I need thiscover.
He goes okay.
And he comes back with.
The first one we did was withLego.
But there's no way Lego wouldhave been okay with WTF on it.
There's just no way.

(51:41):
So and then he showed me thisone.
Now here's what the people Ihope those that are listening
you're not going to get theimpact unless you've got a copy
which I hope you have a copy ofthe book, then you'll understand
.
But you see, this firetruck.
This firetruck is almostidentical at least in my memory
almost identical to thefiretruck.

(52:03):
When I was a small boy, I had abook about firetrucks.
I've searched for that book myentire life.
When he showed me this picture,I almost started crying,
sobbing because and he didn'tknow, how's he going to know,
how's he going to know about abook from 1975?

(52:23):
Okay, I looked up.
I said thank you, jesus, thankyou Because that was the right
guy to do the right cover, theright everything.
Now you know, you saw this, thissmall print and the, the small
print and I'm giving this foranybody who's creative and you
have a, all of a sudden, badthings happen.
I could have, if it'd been awhile ago, I would have had a

(52:48):
complete meltdown, broken,everything started drinking.
I would have just my worldwould have fallen apart In the
time.
From from it printing scene,the, the ant man special that it
was and the.
I went to Jesus immediately.
I went to God and said look,you need to fix this Now, that

(53:12):
quick.
We have a mutual friend, johnfrom Silver Security, john G.
He wrote something when I waspanicking.
He goes.
Awesome, you have specialeditions now.
Immediately, that word flippedit.
I gave everybody the optionlisten, get a refund off the

(53:34):
book.
Nobody who's gotten the bookwants to refund it because
they're part of a group ofpeople that is.
Now there's a hashtagB-A-M-W-T-F-T-O-G.
You guys are OGs, man, you'repart of a slick group and I'm
going to go and I'm going to doa little gift to all you guys
that got the book.

(53:54):
The one beautiful thing is incrisis is opportunity.
I think it was.
Rf Case said that once he stoleit from the Chinese and there
was an opportunity One myopportunity to go to my faith
and not panic my faith and notpanic, and an opportunity to

(54:19):
turn what was meant for evilinto good.
That's one way of looking at itand also a way of god saying
hey, by the way, there's acouple things in this book that
you didn't do.
I didn't have a copyright pageuh, yeah the person that was
helping me with book work.
She's like, um, by the way, weadded a copyright page to the
bigger version.
I was like, yeah, that's kindof important.
All these things that were, ohno, the sky is falling, life is

(54:40):
bad.
You look back you're like, oh,wow, that's kind of cool.
That was actually a really goodthing that happened.
And if we look back at most ofthe bad things that have
happened in our life, more timesthan not, there's a there's a
really big, bright light ofawesomeness that's happened as a
result of it.
So if you get anything out ofthis, this podcast, that your

(55:02):
nightmare, your bad thing that'shappening, chances are that
storm.
You're going to look back veryshortly afterwards and be like,
wow, that's awesome well, that'sone thing the book's about is
your lessons learned.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
You know it's pages of what you've learned.

Speaker 2 (55:18):
Yeah, yeah, you know it's funny when people say, well
, how are you going to sell thisbook?
I'm like, easy, You're going tolook at the front cover.
If you don't like the frontcover, I want you to flip it
over and read the back.
And if, after you read the back, if you see the front and you
read the back, you don't thinkthat it's for you, cool.
But I guarantee you it's forsomebody.
You know there's not a man orwoman alive, that there's not

(55:42):
one part of this back part ofthe book that isn't going to
impact you or you're going toresonate and get something out
of it.
And the other thing is this iswhere I differ.
I am different than otherpeople and I'm not bragging.
I don't care if one book sellsor a billion, I don't care,
because this book isn't about me.
This book God used me in thisto reach out to people and the

(56:07):
eyes that'll get it, we'll getit, and those that don't don't
like.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
I'm not even whatever not even worried about it.
You are the biggest open book Iknow, and I like that about you
because you're.
You have to be authentic.
I believe in this world inorder to to get the proper
message across, cause, believeme, we can look on the internet
all day long and see those whoare just in it for themselves,
and we do.
We see it every day.

(56:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
Yeah, yeah, and that's why there's so many of
our young people.
I know we shit on the young andI'm guilty of it as well, but
the one thing about this newgeneration that will be great
later on is you cannot lie tothem.
Nope, needs to be transparency.
Now you could say that they'remisguided.
What have you?
We were misguided when we wereteenagers.

(56:53):
Your teenagers are misguided.
Everybody's misguided.
Like that's just part of beingalive.
However, however, older peopleneed to understand that this
generation you cannot lie.
Plus, we can't lie now with theinternet anyways.
Anything that you say that youdid, trust me.
That's why Steven Seagal onlyworked back when he did in the
80s and 90s, because nobodycould actually do any background

(57:14):
checks.
Now, all the truth was it.
I can't remember the same, butyou know, eventually the truth
comes out eventually.
So I just be transparent andhonest, and if you love me,
great, if you hate me, great,and either way, great.
It's all great your attention.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
That's what why I was really excited about this book.
When you first talked to meabout it, too was like and I'm
the reason we didn't work itthrough.
So I'm not an editor, I can't,you know, and I'm not a.
I am a creative writer, but I'mnot at that editing phase of my
life and I'm glad you hadsomeone.
I'm glad you had someone to getthis through, because, yeah,
the greatest thing is gettingyour message out there, man yeah

(57:52):
, yeah, yeah, in a variety ofdifferent ways.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
like, I think that that's one thing that we need to
embrace is there's a what I dodoesn't mean that's what
somebody else should do.
Some people again we havearound us, just social media
wise.
There are a plethora of artistsand creative people, and you
mentioned it earlier thecreativity that we all are born

(58:17):
with.
If we'll just not be afraid toshow that creativity and embrace
it.
You just have a better life andyou don't need to turn your
creativity into money.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
Yes, amen, brother, you think I'm going to be
selling my paint by numbers overthere?
Hell, no.

Speaker 2 (58:38):
But they're going to make great gifts.

Speaker 1 (58:40):
Oh no, that sucker's going on my wall.
It's going to be.
I don't even know how many daysit's going to take me.
I do a little bit at a time,yeah yeah, well, it's not your
only paint.
And listen, I'm like a caveman.
I'm like, but you know what?
Let me tell you something aboutpaint by numbers.
It slowed me down.
Oh yeah, I am so used to like.
You know, if I get behind akeyboard, I need to accomplish

(59:01):
this.
But with this thing I tellmyself, okay, I'm only painting
one number today, because thatmakes me go slow, cause if I
said, okay, I'll do threenumbers today, I'll, I'll watch
it.
So today I'm like I'm reallyjust making sure that all the
paint's in the right areas andI'm like, oops, I messed up a
little bit.
I'm like you know what Overall,don't take a close look at it,

(59:26):
but it's getting there, man, Ithink I'm about five numbers in
now.
Nice, I'm excited about it,because here's the deal Memories
.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:37):
We have positive memories.
Yeah, we have positive memories.
And now I've I've probablydriven past the Everglades, but
I have certain memories ofFlorida when I was a kid with my
brothers, right, so it bringsme back to that and that's why
I'm like, okay, this is going tobe cool.
So maybe my next one will beCharleston It'll be somewhere
else where I have these reallygood memories.
So bridges, I don't knowsomething, but I I always look

(01:00:00):
at memories when I do things now, I uh and find those positive
points that keep us going yes,yes, yeah, yeah, because again
I'm gonna use the magic wordhope.
Yeah, hope we need, hope we needit and we really do, and we
need genuine people around usyes, yes, yep, oh brother, I

(01:00:24):
appreciate you coming on.
Man everybody.
The book is be a man.
What the fire truck does thateven mean?

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
by marcus terryson yep, I'm still giggling.
I was going to use fig newton,I would that.
And then I thought, no, I'mgoing gonna get sued for that.
And then somebody a christianfriend of mine, I don't know we
were doing something they wentah fire truck.
I was like what is that music?
That's what we're doing with.
Instead, I'm like yeah, oh Ilove it, man.

(01:00:53):
Yeah, well, I appreciate you,brother I I appreciate you
having me on and you knowactions speak louder than words.
Right Like, let's be honest,and you're the only one to reach
out to have me on about thebook.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
Really.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
Yeah, and you know I'm not and that's not a slag,
really.
Yeah, and that's not a slag.
It's just in moments whereyou're feeling insecure, when
somebody takes the step to reachout and be authentically caring
about what you got going on,there's that hope that, okay,
I'm not an idiot, this is allgoing to work out and we all

(01:01:38):
just need bread, like like cpr,of hope and that's.
You know, that's what you didnow.
Whether you could have fourmillion podcasts after this,
because everyone's like, oh yeah, yeah, marcus, let's step on it
doesn't matter, that's great.
But I can't forget that myfriend jay just breathed a
little bit of hope into me to belike okay, I was talking to Ben

(01:02:05):
yesterday, we did a thing forskill set with the book.
He didn't have to do that andyou didn't have to have me on.
You had a million other thingsto do.
I just appreciate you, like Iappreciate, appreciate you for a
variety of reasons.
I appreciate our friendship,but nobody's going to understand

(01:02:26):
that friendship that's betweenyou and I, but I appreciate that
the effort, more than you know,I appreciate, brother.

Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
That's why I wanted to have you on and I think
everybody should have you on,because we got into certain
parts of your story today andbut not a lot into like and you
know, with this podcast I don'treally like going, I like to go
where it goes.
I don't be like q a but, likeyou know, marcus did this when
he was like 17 years old andthen he did this.
So I think I think you reallyneed a good podcaster out there
who's going to take you and Iwant to hear you, I want to hear

(01:02:56):
your story.
I don't want to interview youabout your story, because that's
just not the way I work yeahyeah, you know, if we did, it
would be like nine hours and weget in everything.
But I want to.
I want any podcasters out thereto be like bring you on a show,
talk about your book, because Iknow what you put into this and
I know your message is clearyeah, yeah, god, you're a good

(01:03:18):
man, charlie brown.

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
I love you.