Perspective

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The idea of our thoughts influencing our emotions, which influence our behaviour is regularly talked about in therapy. But often misses out the important bit in-between. Emotions and behaviour, which is our world view, our beliefs. 

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Episode Transcript

Richard (00:00):
Another week, another bonus episode, and this week I
want to talk about theimportance of positive thinking.
'cause it's no secret that it'sbetter to spend more time
thinking about the things thatyou do want to see happen rather
than the things that you don't.
But it bears repeating,especially when it comes to

(00:21):
productivity.
So keep in mind the goals youhave and the steps you want to
take, and ask yourself from timeto time, what do you want to see
done this week?
Is there something you'reputting off?
Well, let's see how far throughit you can get this week, even

(00:43):
if it's just a few steps of it,because those big goals can be
really overwhelming, so it'simportant to break them down.
Have you ever heard of StuMittleman?
He won the world hyper distancerecord for running a thousand
miles, took him nearly 12 days.
When he was interviewed by ajournalist afterwards, he was

(01:06):
asked how he was able topossibly prepare to run a
thousand miles, and do you knowwhat he said?
He said, I could never haveprepared myself for running a
thousand miles.
I simply ran one mile a thousandtimes.
And that's good advice.
'cause our goals have to berealistic.

(01:28):
Otherwise we lose faith inourselves.
When a weight loss client comesto therapy, they might say that
their goal is to lose threestone and two dress sizes, but
until we break it down intolosing one pound or two inches
at a time they don't believethat they could do it.
So they go straight back to thebox of Maltesers.

(01:50):
Our belief in ourselves, ourconfidence that we can reach our
goal is absolutely vital becauseour emotions, our feelings, they
run our lives to a degree.
They nudge us along, they urgeus to behave in certain ways.
Fight or flight, run and hide.

(02:11):
And the meaning behind thefeelings is gonna be different
for everybody.
There are plenty of people whofind a letter through their
letterbox making a noiseexciting, but to somebody else,
it's intrusive and frightening.
And that's just a letterboxflapping, let alone going out on
a dark night.

(02:31):
'cause no matter what your brainsays is real.
If you focus on negativeemotions all the time, you're
likely to become quite anxious.
Although I came across someinteresting statistics the other
month'cause a client asked me toconfirm something.
In the UK there are under 700murders per year, which is still

(02:53):
700 more than I'd like.
But it's still not very much fora group of countries that are as
densely packed as we are.
But, there are over 5,000suicides.
Now, based on that, if ever youare feeling vulnerable when
you're out and about, it isstatistically true to say that
the people around you are almost10 times more likely to be

(03:15):
thinking about doing harm tothemselves than to you, which
doesn't sound like a good reasonto feel vulnerable.
It's not gonna necessarily stopthe anxiety.
It just helps us to understandit and then put it into
perspective.
What we get confused withsometimes is the difference

(03:35):
between the way that we feel andthe way things actually are.
Your feelings might be valid,but it doesn't mean they're
right.
For example, your boss mightshout at you and make you cry,
even.
Clients will say this to mequite a lot that that happens.
But it's the feeling in themiddle that makes you cry, not

(03:59):
your boss shouting.
What often happens is the bossshouts and it makes you feel
something.
Maybe it makes you feel small,makes you feel stupid, and
that's what upsets you.
But that doesn't mean that youare stupid or small or
insignificant or whatever.
It's just the way that you feel.

(04:20):
So if you can learn how tochange your feelings about the
situation, in this case, theboss shouting at you because
they're a bad manager, thenthat's less likely to upset you.
If they're shouting becausethey're struggling with their
relationship, then you can seethat it's nothing to do with you
anyway and shouldn't make youfeel small or stupid.
And then you can have thatrather polite, assertive

(04:43):
conversation that they shouldn'treally speak to you that way.
Once you can recognise thedifference between what your
imagination creates and thereality of the world around you,
it's a lot easier to put thingsinto perspective.
So why don't you go and practicethat.
Enjoy your weekend, and I'll beback on Monday on Patreon, six

(05:04):
pounds per month folks, link isin the show notes.
And there'll be a full episodeand a hypnotherapy session for
you as well, of course.
Have a great weekend folks.
Speak to you soon.
Bye-bye.