Trauma Re-enactment

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In short, re-enactment in response to trauma means repeating past events as a way of trying to resolve them. But until we are made aware of it we often compulsively and unconsciously make things worse for ourselves.

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Episode Transcript

Richard (00:00):
Hiya, time for a five minute bonus episode to keep you
going.
Every Friday, I put out asignificantly condensed version
of one of the topics that I makeon Patreon, so if you do enjoy
having an extra episode eachweek rather than only on the
first of the month, then doplease head on over to
Patreon.com.

(00:21):
Where you can support the workthat I do and hopefully get some
benefit at the same time, andnot just for you, but the money
you pledge goes to help a lot offolk who really need therapy but
just can't afford it.
It's just one of those commoncorrelations.
The effects of an abusivechildhood can echo right the way

(00:43):
through someone's life.
Trauma leaves scars that canshape almost everything we do
and how we see ourselves.
One of those traits is what wecall trauma reenactment, and
that can be from any trauma,really.
Abusive relationships, be itwith partners, bosses, or

(01:04):
assault, almost always createthis unconscious expectation
that the trauma is gonna happenagain, which creates a need for
self-protection.
Now for some that anxiety makespeople hide away, but when they
do come outta their cage andattempt to live their life, it
can almost look like some areaddicted to trauma.

(01:25):
And I know that sounds daft,who'd wanna sign up for that?
But it happens.
Although not everyone respondsthis way, but many unconsciously
gravitate towards abusiveindividuals drawn in by the
familiarity of it.
And at first you might think,why would our instincts lead us
towards those who might harm us,given our deeper instinct to

(01:50):
avoid danger?
One theory suggests that ourinstincts might drive us to
repeat the original abuse, totry and gain a sense of control
over it.
But it doesn't work, and theyget trapped in cycles of
exploitation and never trulyresolve their trauma.
You can only heal when you feelsafe, and I want everyone to

(02:12):
know about this because watchinga friend go from one abusive
relationship to another,repeatedly, can be really
frustrating.
But as friends, we can be abeacon of support and
trustworthiness and show themthat they deserve respect and
care.
We need to be a safe place forthem.
So that means not blaming themfor putting up with being in an

(02:36):
abusive relationship.
So instead of saying You need toleave them! Try telling them how
you feel instead I don't likeseeing you hurt, it worries me.
Things like that.
'cause it's about you that way,not them.
And you show them that youunderstand and care without
making them feel at fault.

(02:56):
It can make you want to shakethem sometimes, but that's the
last thing they need.
Breaking free from the victimblaming mentality is crucial for
survivors to heal and overcomeany feelings of shame and guilt.
Recovering from an abusive pastis a challenging journey, and
like I say, it needs a safeenvironment.

(03:20):
Unfortunately, recovery from anabusive past is unlikely in an
abusive present.
To challenge old beliefs andredefine what's acceptable
survivors need to shine a lighton the injustice they
experienced, but that needs tobe done slowly so as not to
retraumatise, so they need atrauma therapist for that.

(03:41):
Now, the flip side to this isthat some survivors do find
themselves in a saferelationship, but they're still
not healing.
They project their anger towardstheir new safe partner and
create arguments that serve nopurpose.
'cause they've got thisassociation between violence and
love in their past.

(04:03):
Understanding this can helppartners to navigate the
situation with empathy andpatience and not take it
personally.
Recovery from trauma is a hugetask that requires a lot of
patience and self-compassion.
Healing from guilt, shame, andtriggers is really hard.

(04:24):
It can feel like a slow, gradualprocess.
But with time, self-compassionand a safe environment trauma
survivors can look back and seetheir past as a distant chapter
in their life.
That doesn't define who theyare.
So if this is you or it'ssomebody you care about, please

(04:44):
remember, healing is possible.
It takes time, it takespatience, but the past doesn't
have to be the thing thatdecides your future.
So.
I'll love you and leave you fornow.
I'm not even scratching thesurface of this in a five minute
episode.
I'm barely making a mark, butlike I say, I do talk about this
in a bit more detail on Patreon.

(05:05):
Six pounds a month, folks, andyou might just save somebody's
life.
Maybe your own.
Maybe you need it, do it foryou, maybe.
Either way, it'd be lovely tosee you on Patreon.
Take care.