Fake It Till You Make It

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Fake it till you make it sounds a little problematic and it can be, but when done properly learning to model confidence isn’t about being fraudulent, it’s about becoming a fuller, braver version of yourself.

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Episode Transcript

Richard (00:00):
Happy Friday folks.
What have you lot been up tothis week?
This week I have been mostlygetting my head around a new
play that have been given a partin, and it's the lead, which is
nice, but obviously a bit ofhard work.
But I do love it.
I love stepping into somebodyelse's shoes and not just on

(00:22):
stage either.
But in the weeks and the monthsof the rehearsal beforehand.
Helps me to realise just howmuch we all learn by modelling
other people.
By observing behaviour andinternalising it.
And this is something thatpsychologist Albert Bandura
demoed brilliantly back in thesixties with his Bobo doll
experiments.

(00:42):
Where children would watchadults who were behaving
aggressively towards aninflatable clown toy.
And then these kids thenimitated that behaviour later,
inventing new ways to beaggressive with them.
What it showed is that we don'tjust learn through direct
experience.
We also learn by observation.
Through something that we callmodelling.

(01:04):
And this applies to everything,especially confidence.
If you want to become moreconfident, the best way to start
is by observing confidentpeople.
Notice how they speak, how theycarry themselves, how they deal
with pressure, and then startpracticing those behaviours
yourself.

(01:25):
And this is what people meanwhen they say fake it till you
make it, which is not aboutbeing inauthentic.
It's about training your brain.
When you mimic someone else'sposture, their tone, their
attitude.
You're not being fake.
You are learning.
It's like watching a cookingvideo.
It doesn't make you a fraud inthe kitchen.

(01:46):
Observing and practicingconfidence helps you become
confident.
Our brains are wired for this.
We've got mirror neurons thatallow us to replicate what we
see, and that's really powerfulwhen we use it consciously.
If you admire a speaker'sability to engage an audience,

(02:07):
try incorporating some of theirtechniques, how they use their
voice, their pauses, even theirgestures.
Over time, you'll notice thatwhat once felt fake starts to
feel natural.
You are building confidence, notfrom nowhere, but from real
learned behaviour.
But you are still you.

(02:28):
You're not trying to become thatperson.
You are noticing what makes themeffective and adapting that to
suit you.
And when that little voice pipesup and says you're a fraud, you
can challenge it and remindyourself, I'm learning something
new.
Because you are.
This is especially helpful whenyou're facing self-doubt.

(02:49):
If you've looked at someone andthought, oh, I could never do
that.
But when you understand thatconfidence is built, not born,
it becomes possible.
Seeing someone who shares yourbackground succeed can be
incredibly empowering.
It shows you that success isn'toff limits.
It's learnable.

(03:10):
But we need to be careful,because only faking it, without
any reflecting on it, can leadto an emotional dissonance.
If how we act on the outsidedoesn't match how we feel on the
inside, it can make us feelworse, and that's why it's
really important to pairmodelling with self-reflection.

(03:31):
Don't just act confident.
Work on understanding yourinsecurities as well.
'cause that's where real growthcomes from.
And modelling can be a kind ofexposure therapy.
By acting confidently, even ifyou don't feel it, we are
desensitising ourselves toanxiety and the feedback loop
that creates where peoplerespond positively to our

(03:53):
confident behaviour thatreinforces our self-esteem.
So how to do this in a way thatfeels real.
First off, choose your rolemodels wisely.
Look for people who balanceconfidence with kindness.
You're not just copying bravado,you're learning authenticity.
Observe the details.

(04:13):
How do they move?
Speak, respond under pressure.
These are the clues that you canuse and practice in private.
Talk in the mirror.
Record yourself.
Walk into a room alone as if youalready belong there.
Let your nervous system get usedto changes and speak kindly to
yourself even if you do feellike a fraud at first, you're

(04:36):
not faking.
You're growing, remind yourselfof that and reflect, often.
Keep a journal, track yourexperiences, celebrate your
progress.
Because confidence, it isn'tjust a feeling, it's a habit as
well.
And like all habits they formthrough repetition.
Now modelling gives us apractical framework to grow, not

(04:59):
by pretending to be somebodyelse, but by stepping into the
version of ourselves that wewant to become.
As the old phrase goes, if youcan see it, you can be it.
So.
This week, try to notice thepeople who inspire you, pay
attention to what it is thatthey do that you admire, and
start practicing that notbecause you're not good enough

(05:21):
as you are, but because you aregrowing into the next stage of
who you can be.
And I will speak to you againnext week.
Bye for now.