The Save The Marriage Podcast
Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.
Episodes
June 11, 2025 • 20 mins
At the beginning of a coaching session, my clients often tell me what they have been focused on in their marriage crisis. Almost always, they are focusing on the wrong things.
And in the process, they are not focusing on the right things.
Where we focus is what gets our attention. Focus on the wrong things, and the wrong things get our attention… our energy… and our investment.
That can head you right toward disaster and furth...
Mark as Played
June 4, 2025 • 23 mins
The email was pages long, all about the problems in her marriage. Each line was about how her husband had ruined the marriage. She pointed out actions of her husband, and he did make mistakes (no abuse, mind you).
She wanted to know what to do -- how to save her marriage -- given the fact that it wasn't her fault. She was clear that she wanted the marriage, but she just didn't know what to do, after all he had done to damage th...
Mark as Played
May 28, 2025 • 22 mins
Have you done an online search for info on how to save your marriage? Were you overwhelmed with the results?? And the crazy amount of different approaches??
How do you sort through them? How do you find a real approach, from someone who knows what they are doing?
It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.
And the problem is, some approaches do more harm than good. And many times, you don’t even know who it is that is givin...
Mark as Played
May 14, 2025 • 65 mins
Does your brain help or hinder your efforts to save your marriage?
If you are like most people, your brain is actually a barrier in your efforts. It keeps you stuck in old, unhelpful patterns. And some of those pre-date even your marriage.
Unfortunately, most people just don't have an "owner's manual" for their brain... and how it is running. Which is too bad. We could all use some upgrades and some rewiring. Which is the go...
Mark as Played
May 7, 2025 • 22 mins
Do you feel like you are stuck in limbo? That crazy spot where you can’t move forward, but aren’t ending things? Is it a spouse who has you stuck there?
Well, that was the situation for “J.” He wrote me because his spouse could not decide on whether to stay or go, work on things or walk away.
He told me he was stuck in Limbo, didn’t know what to do, and didn’t know how to get his spouse to work on the relationship.
What shoul...
Mark as Played
April 30, 2025 • 23 mins
Maybe you have heard these lines:
"Love should just happen."
"This is just too much work."
"I'm not feeling it, so it must not be true love."
"I just don't feel the attraction/excitement I used to feel. Something is wrong."
Have you ever been told something so many times that you begin to doubt yourself? You begin to believe what the other person (an upset spouse, friends, family, etc.) says -- even if it goes against w...
Mark as Played
April 23, 2025 • 23 mins
Let me say it here, in writing: I am NOT opposed to marital therapy. I am quite concerned, however, on how marital therapy happens now. I am concerned about the effectiveness of marital therapy. And I am concerned for people who blindly seek out marital therapy, expecting it to help.
If you don't know it, my training and background is as a marriage and family therapist. I spent years, and several degrees, preparing to be a ma...
Mark as Played
April 16, 2025 • 18 mins
Many times, I watch couples caught in a spiral of accusations, each convinced of maliciousness on the part of their spouse. But I don't think that is actually it.
In fact, many times, both people in front of me seem to be hurting, but not malicious.
Which is why it seems so clear to me that maliciousness is not (usually) the issue.
I have that "usually" in there, because there are abusive relationships... in which case, someone...
Mark as Played
April 9, 2025 • 14 mins
Just to be clear, I am ALL FOR forgiveness. I have talked about on the Save The Marriage Podcast and on my Thriveology Podcast.
And in a marriage, there are ample opportunities to practice forgiving. "Every-day forgiving" and big-time forgiving. In such an intimate relationship, you are going to step on toes, hurt each other's feelings, make bad decisions -- and still have to figure out how to move forward. You do that by forg...
Mark as Played
April 2, 2025 • 21 mins
I used to notice how often an engaged couple would become so focused on getting married -- the wedding -- that they had a hard time focusing on what the process of being married would be.
The reason this concerned me is because I know what happens next. And unless they make a shift, their marriage will hit a disconnect event, a moment of hurt.
At the other end... when a marriage is hurting and in trouble, I watch as people once ...
Mark as Played
March 27, 2025 • 15 mins
There are lots of mistakes people make in their efforts to save their marriage. This particular mistake is what I consider to be the 3rd biggest. I hear it in the questions people send me every single week.
In fact, I hear this mistake probably 3 or more times each day. And here is the sad thing: the mistake is made with all the best of intentions. . . and all the worst of results.
Like all mistakes, it is avoidable. (If so...
Mark as Played
March 19, 2025 • 22 mins
Sometimes, just a hint or trick will do it. Maybe you want a trick or hint for an online game. Or even a trick for a better pancake. A hint for a better pushup.
But hints and tricks won’t work for saving a marriage.
Which is what I try to explain when I get the daily emails and voicemails, just asking for a hint or trick. Nothing wrong with asking. But the answer is, “you need more than a hint or trick. You need an approach...
Mark as Played
March 12, 2025 • 23 mins
I know it hurts. And I know that the pain, the anger, and the frustration can get you to act in ways that are not helpful.
Lots of people are not sure about what TO do (which is why I created the Save The Marriage System). But they may be less clear on what they should STOP doing.
In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I tell you about 5 very common, very unhelpful, things I see people do when they are trying to save ...
Mark as Played
March 5, 2025 • 28 mins
So, what DO you do when apathy strikes? It might be YOUR apathy. But more likely, it will be your spouse's apathy. (And it might be both of you!) It just seems there is no emotion, no care, no concern.
What IS apathy?
What does it mean?
Why does it happen?
And most importantly, what can you do about it?
This week, we explore dealing with YOUR apathy, then dealing with YOUR SPOUSE'S apathy.
RELATED RESOURCES
You Are The Best...
Mark as Played
February 26, 2025 • 15 mins
Have you ever been sucked into a situation or argument, then realized your actions were not what you wanted?
There is that split second, that pause, where you get to choose your response.
Many people miss that split second, telling themselves, "I had no choice. I was just reacting."
But deep down, we know that is not the case. We have a choice on how to respond. If you miss that choice, you will regret the reaction.
How do y...
Mark as Played
February 19, 2025 • 30 mins
“It’s your choice,” I reassured her. It was a call I picked up between sessions. The person told me she had been following my System, but wasn’t sure if she could keep it up. She wasn’t sure if it mattered, so she was thinking about quitting. She wanted to know what I thought….
I didn’t need to convince her either way. It really was her choice. Should she walk away or should she keep working on it? Only she could answer.
M...
Mark as Played
February 12, 2025 • 24 mins
I wish this only happened every now and then.
Imagine, for a second, that someone is working on saving their marriage. In this case, they have chosen to use my System. And they are making progress! (Yay!)
Then... they decide to do something else... add something on... try to "spice up" their approach. And suddenly, their efforts fall apart.
The other day, I was talking with someone who falls into this approach. Making great...
Mark as Played
February 5, 2025 • 18 mins
One more argument. One more struggle. They sat on my couch, facing each other down as opponents in some contest to... win... well, to be honest, I don't know what they were trying to win. Because they were not winning at marriage!
I stopped them, looked at them and said, "You do know you are on the same team..." and they stared blankly at me, so I continued, "... right??"
They certainly were not working like a team. They were...
Mark as Played
January 29, 2025 • 17 mins
Fears. They can certainly derail us humans!
But what about relationship fears? Just those basic fears and insecurities that we all carry with us in relationships?
Yep, we all have them. 2 basic fears. And those 2 fears? They pull against each other. One can trigger the other in couples. We all have both, but tend to have a tendency to one fear or the other. And when that fear is triggered, it often triggers the opposite fe...
Mark as Played
January 22, 2025 • 15 mins
Games should be fun. But the games we are talking about today are NOT fun.
These are patterns of interaction and communication.
The design is to get a need met. But behind it is a dysfunction. It may be a lack of clarity in what someone wants or expects. It may be an unwillingness to say what a person wants or needs. It may be a false expectation of how things should be. But somewhere is a false belief.
And that false beli...
Mark as Played
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