September 29, 2024 • 26 mins
Episode 1: What Had Happened Was...
Welcome to Miller Morning Madhouse, the wildest ride in Miller Beach! Hosted by local legend Jerry Pancake and his trusty co-host Josh Scramble, this show dives into the hilarious, strange, and downright unbelievable stories from Miller Beach and beyond. It’s part local radio, part circus, and all madhouse. Whether you’re a die-hard local or just tuning in for the chaos, you're in for a wild time!
In this episode:
- Jerry Pancake shares his unbelievable story of how he forgot 9/11. Yep, you heard that right. Only Jerry could turn a day of national memory into something... well, you have to hear it to believe it.
- Then there’s Little Billy Nailer, the poor kid who got sucked up by a twister in Kendallville, Indiana, back in 1968. Trust us, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll wonder how anyone could find humor in this whirlwind of a story.
- And who could forget Hairless Hezakah, the man, the myth, the (hairless) legend. Honestly, we're still recovering from this one.
Thanks to Our Sponsers:
- Two Time Tony’s F**k Sheds—If you need a shed (or, you know, something more questionable), Tony’s got you covered.
- SoCool Shirts—The place to get t-shirts cool enough to survive the madness of Miller Morning Madhouse. Shop now and grab something questionable yet stylish!
- All In Jest Trivia with Josh Scramble—Join Josh at the Marshall J. Gardner Center for trivia nights that are as wild as this show. The questions might stump you, but the fun is guaranteed!
- Miller Community Theatre—Also at the Marshall J. Gardner Center, the local talent puts on shows that’ll make you laugh, cry, and maybe even question reality (kind of like this podcast). Big thanks to the MBACD for hosting these great events!
Musical Highlights:
- Messwave - "Whatever You Like"
- Rex Banner - "Run The Place"
- Van Halen - "Humans Being"
- Thomas Newman - "The Whistlestop Cafe"
- Weird Al Yankovic - "Amish Paradise"
- Captain Joz - "Tik Tac Toe"
- Bill Harrison - "Moons Over My Hammy"
Show Notes:
- Miller Morning Madhouse is Miller Beach’s most unpredictable and hilarious morning show, where local legends and absurd stories collide.
- In this episode, you’ll get to know the infamous tale of Jerry Pancake forgetting 9/11, hear about Little Billy Nailer’s tragic but laugh-out-loud encounter with a twister, and meet the enigma that is Hairless Hezakah.
- Special thanks again to SoCool Shirts, Two Time Tony's FCk Sheds*, All In Jest Trivia with Josh Scramble, and the Miller Community Theatre. Huge shoutout to the MBACD for making these amazing events possible at the Marshall J. Gardner Center.
- Stay tuned for our next episode, dropping next Sunday morning—hopefully—if we’re not too hungover to hit record
Please contact us at Contact us at 219-200-4280 or Contact@SoCoolShirts.com if you'd like to advertise on the show (Yes, we will give you a REAL commercial.)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Gwyneth Palrow (00:29):
All All you guys do is just sit up there and talk
about how fucking cool you are.
Josh Scramble (00:34):
WSPR Super Beach Radio, the best station between
Rush and Ridley.
Bill Hader (00:42):
Jump in and join a dance party where you'll see
twinks, gypsies, grown men inwedding dresses, a cat from a
bodega, puppets in disguise. Oh,yeah. I'm sorry. Puppets in
disguise? Yeah.
You know it's that thing ofwhen, like, Alf wore a trench
coat so he can go out intopublic.
Jerry Pancake (01:06):
Good morning, Miller Beach. Welcome to the
very first episode of the MillerMorning Mad House, your one stop
shop for laughs, chaos, andquestionable advice. Hosted by
yours truly, Jerry Pancake.Alongside me is my right hand
man, the voice of reason, JoshScramble. Together, we're diving
(01:29):
into the wild, weird, andwonderfully bizarre stories of
Miller Beach and beyond.
So today's episode is titledwhat had happened was because,
let's be honest, nothing hereever goes according to plan.
We've got local legends, twistedtales, and probably a few things
(01:51):
we'll have to apologize forlater. But, hey, that's what
this madhouse is all about. Sobuckle up because things are
about to get well. You'll see.
So what had happened was I thinkthis is gonna be a really funny
show, but I wanted to ruin it,like, right off the bat because
(02:15):
I wanted to talk about what dayit is today. 911. Damn. And I
totally forgot it was 911.Totally, and that is that is a
joke that I tell every 911.
I also usually to coworkers, Isay happy 911 because I think we
should probably be over it bynow. We should definitely have
(02:37):
the day off. I had a meetingtoday. They did a moment of
silence. I didn't like, what arewe doing?
If we're gonna do a moment ofsilence, we should have the day
off. Anyway Well,
Josh Scramble (02:48):
I just remember right after it happened, I had
to buy a refrigerator or elsethe the terrorist won. So
Jerry Pancake (02:54):
Well, you I I bought a car.
Josh Scramble (02:56):
Well, wow. Conker's you got the Conker deal
going on?
Jerry Pancake (02:59):
Ford Motor Company came out with 0%, like,
right off the bat. But, no, Iwas so in this we're in this
meeting and, like, I fur I legitforgot what day it was today,
and, the guy, my boss, I'll say,was like, alright. We're gonna
(03:20):
do a moment of silence for 911.And I was like, oh my god. I
forgot, and I'm not supposed toever forget.
Josh Scramble (03:32):
Well, true. But here's my issue. Like, how many
people were in this meeting?
Jerry Pancake (03:36):
10? No. There's, like, 200 people.
Josh Scramble (03:40):
But still, like, to me, a moment of silence if
you don't have a stadium full ofpeople, like
Jerry Pancake (03:45):
yeah. Like, you're already muted Yeah. Is
the problem. Like, we're gonnabe silent this whole time, sir.
You don't have to tell us tohave a moment of sight.
We're gonna have it turned outto be 47 minutes of silence. So
we did 47 minutes of silence for911, so we have done our job.
But I think it's about time,just in the tradition of every
(04:09):
tragedy that's happened in theUnited States, to make it into a
real holiday. Let's have it on aMonday, regardless of whether
it's 911 or not because we'vecommandeered every other
holiday, and we don't give ashit about what actual date it
occurred on, like Memorial Dayand Labor Day. We don't care
(04:29):
about any of that.
So let's do it with 911 now, andwe'll just have 911 on, like,
the Monday after 2 weeks afterLabor Day. Right? So we kinda
have we come back from LaborDay. We we adjust back to
reality because school's backin, and then boom. Boom.
Another 3 day weekend. Let's go.
Josh Scramble (04:51):
I am not totally in opposition to that because
there is a long stretch betweenLabor Day and Thanksgiving.
Yeah. They actually get a dayoff.
Jerry Pancake (04:59):
I mean, come on. It's 2,000 it happened in 2001.
That's 23 years ago. Yeah. Like,people weren't even alive that I
deal with now on a daily basis.
Josh Scramble (05:10):
Oh, trust me. Every year, I'm like, fuck. That
was that was 23 years ago.
Jerry Pancake (05:14):
Like, I feel super old. You were, like, 8,
like, 17 years old or something?I was actually 18 years old. 18.
So that was a good guess by me.
I had no idea. I was justshooting in the dark there. I
was just, like, an adult. I hadlittle kids. They still made us
go to work, by the way.
I'll never forget that.
Josh Scramble (05:35):
Yeah. It was no. I
Jerry Pancake (05:36):
I was pissed. I was like, I wanna watch the
news.
Josh Scramble (05:39):
Well, I called my school, and I'm like, hey. Do we
still have classes today? Andthey're like, yeah. Why wouldn't
we? And I'm like, I don't know.
The world just dramaticallychanged 2 seconds ago.
Jerry Pancake (05:49):
Just I don't know. Planes are crashing into
buildings all over the place.Maybe
Josh Scramble (05:53):
No one knows what the hell is going on, but, sure,
Jerry Pancake (05:55):
let's let's study some English right now. Because
you could not focus on anything.I was working at a car
dealership at the time, and,yeah, like, we just went in
there, and they're like, do youwanna go to the bar across the
street? I'm like, we can is thatokay? And they're like, yeah.
Josh Scramble (06:12):
Like Well, no one's buying a car today
Jerry Pancake (06:14):
for sure. Yeah. Like, we did but we had some
asshole come in, you know,because you always get these
fucking fuck tards that come inand, you know, they wanna get
their oil changed, and then theywanna talk to the car salesmen
and, like, you know, tell themabout the old days of when, you
know, they bought some fucking67 Mustang for $4. And so we
(06:40):
had, like, a couple guys likethat come in, and it's like,
dude, do you even care that,like, 911 and then they're like,
oh, it's New York City. Like,fuck those guys.
Josh Scramble (06:50):
That's Oh, wow. That's a Because it's a very,
Jerry Pancake (06:55):
it's Indiana, man. Indiana, like, we are we
are this the region is is strongin in its, isolationist stance
on everything. Well,
Josh Scramble (07:09):
that's very true, but I would just be on the
lookout for the guy who's like,hey. Do you have a, very used
Toyota pickup that'll run wellinto sand? What about a plane?
Jerry Pancake (07:18):
Do you guys carry planes here?
Josh Scramble (07:19):
Do you have, like,
Jerry Pancake (07:20):
a small Don George Ford, which is where I
was working at the time.
Josh Scramble (07:24):
A a very bad Cessna that's on its last legs.
Yeah. Hey. Do you know
Jerry Pancake (07:30):
a way out of town? Do you
Josh Scramble (07:32):
have any do you happen to have a fake passport
and a shitty plane that
Jerry Pancake (07:36):
I could borrow real quick? Those guys were
doing it to die, though. So, Imean, they weren't leaving town.
Well, theoretically, yes, butliterally, no. I don't know.
Well, anyway, so I've ruined themood of the show, and that was
my total intention with the 911bit.
Josh Scramble (07:55):
Well, honestly, it's it's been 23 years, and I
like the fact that we could kindof joke about 911. And,
apparently, everybody onFacebook is joking about it
because I've seen some effed upstuff.
Jerry Pancake (08:05):
Happy 911, guys. Let's do a barbecue. It's it's
been enough time.
Josh Scramble (08:12):
Well, that is officially, like, the American
line of demarcation. When youcan grill some dogs and burgers
on a day that used to be fuckedup, that's
Jerry Pancake (08:20):
I mean That usually is sad. It's usually
sad, but true. But, like,Memorial Day, Labor Day, we're
honoring our veterans, thethousands of them that have
died. Yeah. The union peepworkers and union the first
union workers that died aroundLabor Day.
Again, we've just we've made ita convenient spot for us because
(08:43):
now we have a bookend of asoldier's dying day, and people
that worked died that got shotat work or killed because they
were organizing at work, andthose bookend our summer. So
let's have a fall Yeah. Tragedyday. And 911 is a perfect time.
Josh Scramble (09:03):
You may be surprised Thanksgiving where the
white man completely fucked overthe Native American beer.
Jerry Pancake (09:07):
I mean, the fall colors aren't out yet, so it's
still kinda half assed summer.We can barbecue. I mean, we're
not gonna, like, do, like, abarbecue where we have, like,
the towers.
Josh Scramble (09:22):
Oh, so we're not gonna do it like popcorn fest
last year where we had smokingtowers rolling down the middle
of mainstream.
Jerry Pancake (09:28):
Not gonna make a grill, I don't think, with this
smoldering towers and a steak ontop of it. But in 50 years, that
could be a thing.
Josh Scramble (09:39):
How do you like your twin towers? Well done,
sir.
Jerry Pancake (09:44):
It'll be like stock up on these non Arab
products for 9:11 day. You know,and it's like, oh, well, don't
buy any oil.
Josh Scramble (09:56):
Good luck. Good so is so would 9 so would an
appropriate celebration of 9:11be don't fill up your tank day,
like, you know, this conspiracytheory? Well, don't fill
Jerry Pancake (10:05):
up your it's gonna ruin the whole economy. If
I scramble, you can't do that.
Josh Scramble (10:11):
It's gonna ruin the economy for about 5 hours.
It's gonna have the same effectas, like, saying, well, don't go
eating dogs.
Jerry Pancake (10:18):
Well, guys, it's 911. I got I I got 14 rib eyes
that I'm gonna throw on thegrill, but you don't fill up
that goddamn f 150.
Josh Scramble (10:32):
I could kill 15 animals, but you can't kill 1
gallon of gas.
Jerry Pancake (10:36):
No one's killing any gas today. It's 911. Because
that's like the only productthat you could boycott, I'm
sorry, from an Arab nation. Theydon't have anything else that
they sell. Right?
Josh Scramble (10:53):
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Jerry Pancake (12:10):
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Whatever you like.
Josh Scramble (12:13):
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Gwyneth Paltrow (12:29):
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Gwyneth Palrow (12:30):
This is
Gwyneth Paltrow (12:31):
your girl, Gwyneth. When I'm hanging out at
Flamingos, I light a candle andput on the Miller morning
madhouse with Jerry Pancake andJosh Scramble.
Jerry Pancake (12:40):
So what had happened was
Josh Scramble (12:43):
So for some of us in the audience who might not
know, Jerry, mister Pancake, andI golf once in a while. And
recently, we are on a one time ayear golf trip that we always
take in Kendallville, Indiana.And we were commenting on the
trip. Like, it always amazes mehow, like, every old Indiana
town, like, any town that wasfounded before 1940 or World War
(13:06):
2, it looks exactly the same.
Jerry Pancake (13:08):
It's like every one of those towns was in the,
like, the book or movie, mostlythe movie, fried green tomatoes
where
Josh Scramble (13:16):
Yeah. Very much so.
Jerry Pancake (13:18):
The railroad. Once the train stopped coming,
it was the end of the town.
Josh Scramble (13:24):
Like and and anyone who's been in an old
Indiana town knows, like, thecourt the courthouse is the
center of town. Here's whereyour barbershop is. Here's where
your
Jerry Pancake (13:34):
grocery store. Good old judge Sherman was in
there.
Josh Scramble (13:37):
But they like, it was almost illegal to build it.
Like, no. This is where thebarber shop goes. And if you
don't do it there, you can't doit anywhere. We got full Baptist
churches here.
So mister pancake and I wererolling up to a liquor store,
which is almost unheard of in anold store, but it was
Jerry Pancake (13:54):
They gotta do what they gotta do since the
train stopped coming in therenow. The railroad doesn't stop
there. Just scramble. Why wouldwhy would anyone go there?
Josh Scramble (14:04):
But it well, it's one of those old towns, like,
when the when the twist came totown, that's the line of
demarcation. Like, when when thetwist
Jerry Pancake (14:12):
68 1968 in Kendallville.
Josh Scramble (14:14):
1968 Kendallville was a whole baton.
Jerry Pancake (14:18):
That twist came out, and it was a bad one.
Josh Scramble (14:22):
It affected all some, and then some affected
all.
Jerry Pancake (14:25):
It didn't take the church. God bless.
Josh Scramble (14:27):
Oh, god bless. God bless you.
Jerry Pancake (14:29):
But it took little Billy. Little Billy
Naylor.
Josh Scramble (14:34):
Little Billy Naylor. It threw him so hot in
the air. He never did walk rightagain after that though.
Jerry Pancake (14:39):
It picked him up and gave him God gave him a big
kiss up there. And he said,Billy Naylor, I'm gonna swallow
you up on my
Josh Scramble (14:48):
spit you back out because y'all bad, bad little
boy. Well, you know Billy Naylornever knew what he did, but he
was up there for a solid 3 fullminutes.
Jerry Pancake (14:57):
He was up there for a good bit. He was up there
for a good bit, and God spit himout back on the earth without
the use of his legs.
Josh Scramble (15:08):
I mean I mean, it could have been lieutenant Billy
Naylor instead of lieutenant Danbecause he never walked
Jerry Pancake (15:14):
That fucker didn't serve in Vietnam No. Or
Vietnam, or is it Vietnam? Well,I think It's probably a a b
pronounced with a b, Vietnam.Vietnam. I went to Vietnam.
Josh Scramble (15:26):
It's just adjacent to Vietnam.
Jerry Pancake (15:27):
How could I offend more veterans in this
episode with the 911, nonchalant911. And, but it's it's so
funny. Vietnam.
Josh Scramble (15:38):
But if you ever go to these old towns, it's one
of those towns, like, you knowthere's an old, like, a 120 year
old man in a
Jerry Pancake (15:45):
rocket chair just telling the
Josh Scramble (15:46):
town history. Like, well, you know, there was
a story about old Judge Parker.
Jerry Pancake (15:52):
And before the Airbnbs took over
Josh Scramble (15:55):
Oh, well, there used to be a real bed and
breakfast that missus Johnsonused to run down by the railroad
depot. But when the trainstopped growing in, so did her
customers.
Jerry Pancake (16:06):
She used to give you a nice handy for breakfast,
if you know what I'm talkingabout. Like a hand job when you
woke up. A lot of us back inthose times, and this is, I
don't know, uncle Tom on the notuncle Tom. Jesus Christ. Or him.
It was not Jesus Christ either,but it was maybe like uncle
(16:28):
Frank. I had a uncle Frank. Anduncle Frank probably was out
there with a pipe, and he wassaying, yeah, old miss Johnson
used to operate that, bed andbreakfast, but it was more bed
than breakfast.
Josh Scramble (16:41):
Well, she did she she had a whole of a cinnamon
roll. I mean, that's not anargue. I mean, that woman could
that woman would get a hand jobwith anybody's business, but
couldn't bake with a shit.
Jerry Pancake (16:52):
Well, she had to do something for the money,
especially when the trainstopped coming.
Josh Scramble (16:59):
Well, once once the choo choo start coming
around, they start coming out.
Jerry Pancake (17:04):
Well, and when those automobiles, those feral
automobiles came into town andthey built those roads and they
built it right through thechurch property, the old Baptist
church. What was that? SaintSaint Saint Nicholas?
Josh Scramble (17:20):
Saint Asphalt? Saint.
Jerry Pancake (17:24):
What's a good old saint? Saint Paul's?
Josh Scramble (17:27):
Saint Christopher.
Jerry Pancake (17:28):
Saint Christopher's Baptist Church
where there was no dance, andthey built that road right. They
built the inner state rightthrough that church
Josh Scramble (17:37):
proper there. The time where Rand McCormick went
and caused all the ruckus afterthey stopped the dancing?
Jerry Pancake (17:42):
Good old Rand. But let's talk about how God
what's the guy's name? What'sthe guy that got spit out by the
tornado? Little Billy Naylor.Little Billy Naylor, god spit
him out.
And then Billy Naylor didn'thave the use of his legs no
(18:02):
more. So did he become a betterperson? Or Josh Scramble, do you
think he became a better person,Billy Naylor?
Josh Scramble (18:11):
He became a slower person. That's for sure.
Jerry Pancake (18:13):
He definitely could not run.
Josh Scramble (18:16):
See, I'm I'm I'm of the opinion that little Billy
Naylor became a worse personbecause if you're sucked up by a
tornado, as they refer to
Jerry Pancake (18:24):
And God spits you out, he doesn't swallow you.
Josh Scramble (18:26):
No. Well, you got you know, anytime you talk
about, tornado, it's tornado ortwister. You gotta end that at a
because that's that propersouthern.
Jerry Pancake (18:34):
That's the only place it doesn't hit here, like,
in a city. No.
Josh Scramble (18:40):
It doesn't. But over on the other side of the
state, it's it's a act of godfor sure. But, no, when you
survive getting tossed out by atwister Spit out by God. After
you've been in the air for 3 for3 minutes circling around your
own property and then gettingthrown full blocks from your own
house, If you survive that, youfeel invincible. I mean, you
(19:01):
have a definite Clark Kent Saccoanalysis going on where you
think you can do anything.
Jerry Pancake (19:08):
That boy went on to impregnate 6 young girls at
Kendallville High School thatyear, the year he was spit out.
Josh Scramble (19:16):
His legs stopped looking, but his Johnson served
Jerry Pancake (19:19):
a long ago. Still worked, and God did not take his
dick nor the church. And forthat, we are blessed.
Josh Scramble (19:25):
Actually, the the man that God smacked the most
was brother Hezekiah. So brotherHezekiah in the in the Amish
part of town, that that twistersucked up his carriage and threw
it 4 towns over. And you andthen the worst insult to injury
took a tree branch, dragged itacross the top of his head, and
(19:45):
ripped all his hair out.
Jerry Pancake (19:47):
If if there's anything I know about the Amish,
it is that they love their hair.They got beards. They got long
flowing locks of hair, and theylove their hair. And that that
Twister took his vehicle. Whatis it?
(20:07):
The horse and carriage that theydrive? It's a carriage they
took. And, it picked him up andthen it ripped his fucking hair
off. How fucking sad is that?
Josh Scramble (20:18):
Craziest thing was I
Jerry Pancake (20:19):
lost my southern accent. I'm sorry.
Josh Scramble (20:21):
It took his carriage but left the horse,
which was amazing because theywere tied together. So
apparently, God loved thathorse, hated that carriage. And
you've never seen something ascrazy as when you see a recently
bald Amish man walking 4 townsover to try and recapture what
is left of your carriage that'sbeen spit out way worse than
(20:43):
little Billy Naylor. And whatdid they call that man after
that twist that came
Jerry Pancake (20:48):
through? That Amish man?
Josh Scramble (20:50):
Hairless Hezekiah. My brain
Jerry Pancake (20:52):
Hairless Hezekiah.
Bill Hader (20:53):
And realize she's very plain,
Weird Al (20:55):
but that's just perfect for an Amish like me who
know I shun fancy things likeelectricity.
Josh Scramble (21:00):
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Bill Hader (21:05):
The chickens and Jacob plows. Fool and I've been
milking and plowing so long thateven Ezekiel thinks that my mind
is gone.
Gwyneth Palrow (21:14):
I like it like tic tac toe. Every step we take
is
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I don't know why you would trustme or listen to me, but I know
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Jerry Pancake (23:01):
Alright, folks. But that's it for today's
episode of the Miller MorningMad House. Big thanks to our
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don't forget all in just triviawith Josh Scramble hosted at the
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(23:23):
It's the only trivia night wherethe questions are just as
unpredictable as the answers.Join us if you dare. And a shout
out to the Miller CommunityTheatre, also at the Marshall J
Gardner Center, where the localstars shine bright. Big thanks
to the MBACD for hosting theseawesome events and making Miller
(23:43):
Beach the place to be. Thanksfor hanging out with us, Miller
Beach.
We will be back next Sunday,hopefully, with a brand new
episode. That is if we are nottoo hungover. No promises. But
stay cool, stay crazy, and keepsupporting the madhouse. To be
(24:04):
caught.
Moons over My Hammy (24:06):
I said, I'm wondering just how you taste.
She laughed and said, I knowjust where to begin. She said, I
know you like breakfast food.I'm about to blow your mind. I
(24:28):
have a sandwich that was madefor your kind.
It's the moon's over my head.It's got cheese and egg. Eat it
on sourdough as you check out myleg. It spoons over my hammy
(24:50):
with its eggs and cheese. Spreadit on sourdough as you taste the
green.
(25:22):
Eat it on sourdough as you checkout my leg. Moon's over my hammy
with bits, eggs, and cheese.Spread it on sourdough as you
taste the grease. Yes, themoon's over Miami. It's got
(25:45):
cheese and eggs.
Eat it on sourdough as you checkout my legs. Moon's over my
hammy with bits of eggs andcheese. Spread it on sourdough
(26:06):
as you taste the green.
Jerry Pancake (26:12):
Bam's a bam. What's a bam? Well, you wouldn't
even know.
Moons over My Hammy (26:15):
Out with Do you understand the words that
you're talking about? Come in mymouth?
Jerry Pancake (26:19):
I don't
Moons over My Hammy (26:19):
know. I
Jerry Pancake (26:20):
don't know.
Gwyneth Palrow (26:20):
You speak it in English?
All All you guys do is just sit up there and talk
about how fucking cool you are.
Josh Scramble (00:34):
WSPR Super Beach Radio, the best station between
Rush and Ridley.
Bill Hader (00:42):
Jump in and join a dance party where you'll see
twinks, gypsies, grown men inwedding dresses, a cat from a
bodega, puppets in disguise. Oh,yeah. I'm sorry. Puppets in
disguise? Yeah.
You know it's that thing ofwhen, like, Alf wore a trench
coat so he can go out intopublic.
Jerry Pancake (01:06):
Good morning, Miller Beach. Welcome to the
very first episode of the MillerMorning Mad House, your one stop
shop for laughs, chaos, andquestionable advice. Hosted by
yours truly, Jerry Pancake.Alongside me is my right hand
man, the voice of reason, JoshScramble. Together, we're diving
(01:29):
into the wild, weird, andwonderfully bizarre stories of
Miller Beach and beyond.
So today's episode is titledwhat had happened was because,
let's be honest, nothing hereever goes according to plan.
We've got local legends, twistedtales, and probably a few things
(01:51):
we'll have to apologize forlater. But, hey, that's what
this madhouse is all about. Sobuckle up because things are
about to get well. You'll see.
So what had happened was I thinkthis is gonna be a really funny
show, but I wanted to ruin it,like, right off the bat because
(02:15):
I wanted to talk about what dayit is today. 911. Damn. And I
totally forgot it was 911.Totally, and that is that is a
joke that I tell every 911.
I also usually to coworkers, Isay happy 911 because I think we
should probably be over it bynow. We should definitely have
(02:37):
the day off. I had a meetingtoday. They did a moment of
silence. I didn't like, what arewe doing?
If we're gonna do a moment ofsilence, we should have the day
off. Anyway Well,
Josh Scramble (02:48):
I just remember right after it happened, I had
to buy a refrigerator or elsethe the terrorist won. So
Jerry Pancake (02:54):
Well, you I I bought a car.
Josh Scramble (02:56):
Well, wow. Conker's you got the Conker deal
going on?
Jerry Pancake (02:59):
Ford Motor Company came out with 0%, like,
right off the bat. But, no, Iwas so in this we're in this
meeting and, like, I fur I legitforgot what day it was today,
and, the guy, my boss, I'll say,was like, alright. We're gonna
(03:20):
do a moment of silence for 911.And I was like, oh my god. I
forgot, and I'm not supposed toever forget.
Josh Scramble (03:32):
Well, true. But here's my issue. Like, how many
people were in this meeting?
Jerry Pancake (03:36):
10? No. There's, like, 200 people.
Josh Scramble (03:40):
But still, like, to me, a moment of silence if
you don't have a stadium full ofpeople, like
Jerry Pancake (03:45):
yeah. Like, you're already muted Yeah. Is
the problem. Like, we're gonnabe silent this whole time, sir.
You don't have to tell us tohave a moment of sight.
We're gonna have it turned outto be 47 minutes of silence. So
we did 47 minutes of silence for911, so we have done our job.
But I think it's about time,just in the tradition of every
(04:09):
tragedy that's happened in theUnited States, to make it into a
real holiday. Let's have it on aMonday, regardless of whether
it's 911 or not because we'vecommandeered every other
holiday, and we don't give ashit about what actual date it
occurred on, like Memorial Dayand Labor Day. We don't care
(04:29):
about any of that.
So let's do it with 911 now, andwe'll just have 911 on, like,
the Monday after 2 weeks afterLabor Day. Right? So we kinda
have we come back from LaborDay. We we adjust back to
reality because school's backin, and then boom. Boom.
Another 3 day weekend. Let's go.
Josh Scramble (04:51):
I am not totally in opposition to that because
there is a long stretch betweenLabor Day and Thanksgiving.
Yeah. They actually get a dayoff.
Jerry Pancake (04:59):
I mean, come on. It's 2,000 it happened in 2001.
That's 23 years ago. Yeah. Like,people weren't even alive that I
deal with now on a daily basis.
Josh Scramble (05:10):
Oh, trust me. Every year, I'm like, fuck. That
was that was 23 years ago.
Jerry Pancake (05:14):
Like, I feel super old. You were, like, 8,
like, 17 years old or something?I was actually 18 years old. 18.
So that was a good guess by me.
I had no idea. I was justshooting in the dark there. I
was just, like, an adult. I hadlittle kids. They still made us
go to work, by the way.
I'll never forget that.
Josh Scramble (05:35):
Yeah. It was no. I
Jerry Pancake (05:36):
I was pissed. I was like, I wanna watch the
news.
Josh Scramble (05:39):
Well, I called my school, and I'm like, hey. Do we
still have classes today? Andthey're like, yeah. Why wouldn't
we? And I'm like, I don't know.
The world just dramaticallychanged 2 seconds ago.
Jerry Pancake (05:49):
Just I don't know. Planes are crashing into
buildings all over the place.Maybe
Josh Scramble (05:53):
No one knows what the hell is going on, but, sure,
Jerry Pancake (05:55):
let's let's study some English right now. Because
you could not focus on anything.I was working at a car
dealership at the time, and,yeah, like, we just went in
there, and they're like, do youwanna go to the bar across the
street? I'm like, we can is thatokay? And they're like, yeah.
Josh Scramble (06:12):
Like Well, no one's buying a car today
Jerry Pancake (06:14):
for sure. Yeah. Like, we did but we had some
asshole come in, you know,because you always get these
fucking fuck tards that come inand, you know, they wanna get
their oil changed, and then theywanna talk to the car salesmen
and, like, you know, tell themabout the old days of when, you
know, they bought some fucking67 Mustang for $4. And so we
(06:40):
had, like, a couple guys likethat come in, and it's like,
dude, do you even care that,like, 911 and then they're like,
oh, it's New York City. Like,fuck those guys.
Josh Scramble (06:50):
That's Oh, wow. That's a Because it's a very,
Jerry Pancake (06:55):
it's Indiana, man. Indiana, like, we are we
are this the region is is strongin in its, isolationist stance
on everything. Well,
Josh Scramble (07:09):
that's very true, but I would just be on the
lookout for the guy who's like,hey. Do you have a, very used
Toyota pickup that'll run wellinto sand? What about a plane?
Jerry Pancake (07:18):
Do you guys carry planes here?
Josh Scramble (07:19):
Do you have, like,
Jerry Pancake (07:20):
a small Don George Ford, which is where I
was working at the time.
Josh Scramble (07:24):
A a very bad Cessna that's on its last legs.
Yeah. Hey. Do you know
Jerry Pancake (07:30):
a way out of town? Do you
Josh Scramble (07:32):
have any do you happen to have a fake passport
and a shitty plane that
Jerry Pancake (07:36):
I could borrow real quick? Those guys were
doing it to die, though. So, Imean, they weren't leaving town.
Well, theoretically, yes, butliterally, no. I don't know.
Well, anyway, so I've ruined themood of the show, and that was
my total intention with the 911bit.
Josh Scramble (07:55):
Well, honestly, it's it's been 23 years, and I
like the fact that we could kindof joke about 911. And,
apparently, everybody onFacebook is joking about it
because I've seen some effed upstuff.
Jerry Pancake (08:05):
Happy 911, guys. Let's do a barbecue. It's it's
been enough time.
Josh Scramble (08:12):
Well, that is officially, like, the American
line of demarcation. When youcan grill some dogs and burgers
on a day that used to be fuckedup, that's
Jerry Pancake (08:20):
I mean That usually is sad. It's usually
sad, but true. But, like,Memorial Day, Labor Day, we're
honoring our veterans, thethousands of them that have
died. Yeah. The union peepworkers and union the first
union workers that died aroundLabor Day.
Again, we've just we've made ita convenient spot for us because
(08:43):
now we have a bookend of asoldier's dying day, and people
that worked died that got shotat work or killed because they
were organizing at work, andthose bookend our summer. So
let's have a fall Yeah. Tragedyday. And 911 is a perfect time.
Josh Scramble (09:03):
You may be surprised Thanksgiving where the
white man completely fucked overthe Native American beer.
Jerry Pancake (09:07):
I mean, the fall colors aren't out yet, so it's
still kinda half assed summer.We can barbecue. I mean, we're
not gonna, like, do, like, abarbecue where we have, like,
the towers.
Josh Scramble (09:22):
Oh, so we're not gonna do it like popcorn fest
last year where we had smokingtowers rolling down the middle
of mainstream.
Jerry Pancake (09:28):
Not gonna make a grill, I don't think, with this
smoldering towers and a steak ontop of it. But in 50 years, that
could be a thing.
Josh Scramble (09:39):
How do you like your twin towers? Well done,
sir.
Jerry Pancake (09:44):
It'll be like stock up on these non Arab
products for 9:11 day. You know,and it's like, oh, well, don't
buy any oil.
Josh Scramble (09:56):
Good luck. Good so is so would 9 so would an
appropriate celebration of 9:11be don't fill up your tank day,
like, you know, this conspiracytheory? Well, don't fill
Jerry Pancake (10:05):
up your it's gonna ruin the whole economy. If
I scramble, you can't do that.
Josh Scramble (10:11):
It's gonna ruin the economy for about 5 hours.
It's gonna have the same effectas, like, saying, well, don't go
eating dogs.
Jerry Pancake (10:18):
Well, guys, it's 911. I got I I got 14 rib eyes
that I'm gonna throw on thegrill, but you don't fill up
that goddamn f 150.
Josh Scramble (10:32):
I could kill 15 animals, but you can't kill 1
gallon of gas.
Jerry Pancake (10:36):
No one's killing any gas today. It's 911. Because
that's like the only productthat you could boycott, I'm
sorry, from an Arab nation. Theydon't have anything else that
they sell. Right?
Josh Scramble (10:53):
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Jerry Pancake (12:10):
Whatever you like. Whatever you like.
Whatever you like.
Josh Scramble (12:13):
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Rush and Redwood.
Gwyneth Paltrow (12:29):
Miller Beach.
Gwyneth Palrow (12:30):
This is
Gwyneth Paltrow (12:31):
your girl, Gwyneth. When I'm hanging out at
Flamingos, I light a candle andput on the Miller morning
madhouse with Jerry Pancake andJosh Scramble.
Jerry Pancake (12:40):
So what had happened was
Josh Scramble (12:43):
So for some of us in the audience who might not
know, Jerry, mister Pancake, andI golf once in a while. And
recently, we are on a one time ayear golf trip that we always
take in Kendallville, Indiana.And we were commenting on the
trip. Like, it always amazes mehow, like, every old Indiana
town, like, any town that wasfounded before 1940 or World War
(13:06):
2, it looks exactly the same.
Jerry Pancake (13:08):
It's like every one of those towns was in the,
like, the book or movie, mostlythe movie, fried green tomatoes
where
Josh Scramble (13:16):
Yeah. Very much so.
Jerry Pancake (13:18):
The railroad. Once the train stopped coming,
it was the end of the town.
Josh Scramble (13:24):
Like and and anyone who's been in an old
Indiana town knows, like, thecourt the courthouse is the
center of town. Here's whereyour barbershop is. Here's where
your
Jerry Pancake (13:34):
grocery store. Good old judge Sherman was in
there.
Josh Scramble (13:37):
But they like, it was almost illegal to build it.
Like, no. This is where thebarber shop goes. And if you
don't do it there, you can't doit anywhere. We got full Baptist
churches here.
So mister pancake and I wererolling up to a liquor store,
which is almost unheard of in anold store, but it was
Jerry Pancake (13:54):
They gotta do what they gotta do since the
train stopped coming in therenow. The railroad doesn't stop
there. Just scramble. Why wouldwhy would anyone go there?
Josh Scramble (14:04):
But it well, it's one of those old towns, like,
when the when the twist came totown, that's the line of
demarcation. Like, when when thetwist
Jerry Pancake (14:12):
68 1968 in Kendallville.
Josh Scramble (14:14):
1968 Kendallville was a whole baton.
Jerry Pancake (14:18):
That twist came out, and it was a bad one.
Josh Scramble (14:22):
It affected all some, and then some affected
all.
Jerry Pancake (14:25):
It didn't take the church. God bless.
Josh Scramble (14:27):
Oh, god bless. God bless you.
Jerry Pancake (14:29):
But it took little Billy. Little Billy
Naylor.
Josh Scramble (14:34):
Little Billy Naylor. It threw him so hot in
the air. He never did walk rightagain after that though.
Jerry Pancake (14:39):
It picked him up and gave him God gave him a big
kiss up there. And he said,Billy Naylor, I'm gonna swallow
you up on my
Josh Scramble (14:48):
spit you back out because y'all bad, bad little
boy. Well, you know Billy Naylornever knew what he did, but he
was up there for a solid 3 fullminutes.
Jerry Pancake (14:57):
He was up there for a good bit. He was up there
for a good bit, and God spit himout back on the earth without
the use of his legs.
Josh Scramble (15:08):
I mean I mean, it could have been lieutenant Billy
Naylor instead of lieutenant Danbecause he never walked
Jerry Pancake (15:14):
That fucker didn't serve in Vietnam No. Or
Vietnam, or is it Vietnam? Well,I think It's probably a a b
pronounced with a b, Vietnam.Vietnam. I went to Vietnam.
Josh Scramble (15:26):
It's just adjacent to Vietnam.
Jerry Pancake (15:27):
How could I offend more veterans in this
episode with the 911, nonchalant911. And, but it's it's so
funny. Vietnam.
Josh Scramble (15:38):
But if you ever go to these old towns, it's one
of those towns, like, you knowthere's an old, like, a 120 year
old man in a
Jerry Pancake (15:45):
rocket chair just telling the
Josh Scramble (15:46):
town history. Like, well, you know, there was
a story about old Judge Parker.
Jerry Pancake (15:52):
And before the Airbnbs took over
Josh Scramble (15:55):
Oh, well, there used to be a real bed and
breakfast that missus Johnsonused to run down by the railroad
depot. But when the trainstopped growing in, so did her
customers.
Jerry Pancake (16:06):
She used to give you a nice handy for breakfast,
if you know what I'm talkingabout. Like a hand job when you
woke up. A lot of us back inthose times, and this is, I
don't know, uncle Tom on the notuncle Tom. Jesus Christ. Or him.
It was not Jesus Christ either,but it was maybe like uncle
(16:28):
Frank. I had a uncle Frank. Anduncle Frank probably was out
there with a pipe, and he wassaying, yeah, old miss Johnson
used to operate that, bed andbreakfast, but it was more bed
than breakfast.
Josh Scramble (16:41):
Well, she did she she had a whole of a cinnamon
roll. I mean, that's not anargue. I mean, that woman could
that woman would get a hand jobwith anybody's business, but
couldn't bake with a shit.
Jerry Pancake (16:52):
Well, she had to do something for the money,
especially when the trainstopped coming.
Josh Scramble (16:59):
Well, once once the choo choo start coming
around, they start coming out.
Jerry Pancake (17:04):
Well, and when those automobiles, those feral
automobiles came into town andthey built those roads and they
built it right through thechurch property, the old Baptist
church. What was that? SaintSaint Saint Nicholas?
Josh Scramble (17:20):
Saint Asphalt? Saint.
Jerry Pancake (17:24):
What's a good old saint? Saint Paul's?
Josh Scramble (17:27):
Saint Christopher.
Jerry Pancake (17:28):
Saint Christopher's Baptist Church
where there was no dance, andthey built that road right. They
built the inner state rightthrough that church
Josh Scramble (17:37):
proper there. The time where Rand McCormick went
and caused all the ruckus afterthey stopped the dancing?
Jerry Pancake (17:42):
Good old Rand. But let's talk about how God
what's the guy's name? What'sthe guy that got spit out by the
tornado? Little Billy Naylor.Little Billy Naylor, god spit
him out.
And then Billy Naylor didn'thave the use of his legs no
(18:02):
more. So did he become a betterperson? Or Josh Scramble, do you
think he became a better person,Billy Naylor?
Josh Scramble (18:11):
He became a slower person. That's for sure.
Jerry Pancake (18:13):
He definitely could not run.
Josh Scramble (18:16):
See, I'm I'm I'm of the opinion that little Billy
Naylor became a worse personbecause if you're sucked up by a
tornado, as they refer to
Jerry Pancake (18:24):
And God spits you out, he doesn't swallow you.
Josh Scramble (18:26):
No. Well, you got you know, anytime you talk
about, tornado, it's tornado ortwister. You gotta end that at a
because that's that propersouthern.
Jerry Pancake (18:34):
That's the only place it doesn't hit here, like,
in a city. No.
Josh Scramble (18:40):
It doesn't. But over on the other side of the
state, it's it's a act of godfor sure. But, no, when you
survive getting tossed out by atwister Spit out by God. After
you've been in the air for 3 for3 minutes circling around your
own property and then gettingthrown full blocks from your own
house, If you survive that, youfeel invincible. I mean, you
(19:01):
have a definite Clark Kent Saccoanalysis going on where you
think you can do anything.
Jerry Pancake (19:08):
That boy went on to impregnate 6 young girls at
Kendallville High School thatyear, the year he was spit out.
Josh Scramble (19:16):
His legs stopped looking, but his Johnson served
Jerry Pancake (19:19):
a long ago. Still worked, and God did not take his
dick nor the church. And forthat, we are blessed.
Josh Scramble (19:25):
Actually, the the man that God smacked the most
was brother Hezekiah. So brotherHezekiah in the in the Amish
part of town, that that twistersucked up his carriage and threw
it 4 towns over. And you andthen the worst insult to injury
took a tree branch, dragged itacross the top of his head, and
(19:45):
ripped all his hair out.
Jerry Pancake (19:47):
If if there's anything I know about the Amish,
it is that they love their hair.They got beards. They got long
flowing locks of hair, and theylove their hair. And that that
Twister took his vehicle. Whatis it?
(20:07):
The horse and carriage that theydrive? It's a carriage they
took. And, it picked him up andthen it ripped his fucking hair
off. How fucking sad is that?
Josh Scramble (20:18):
Craziest thing was I
Jerry Pancake (20:19):
lost my southern accent. I'm sorry.
Josh Scramble (20:21):
It took his carriage but left the horse,
which was amazing because theywere tied together. So
apparently, God loved thathorse, hated that carriage. And
you've never seen something ascrazy as when you see a recently
bald Amish man walking 4 townsover to try and recapture what
is left of your carriage that'sbeen spit out way worse than
(20:43):
little Billy Naylor. And whatdid they call that man after
that twist that came
Jerry Pancake (20:48):
through? That Amish man?
Josh Scramble (20:50):
Hairless Hezekiah. My brain
Jerry Pancake (20:52):
Hairless Hezekiah.
Bill Hader (20:53):
And realize she's very plain,
Weird Al (20:55):
but that's just perfect for an Amish like me who
know I shun fancy things likeelectricity.
Josh Scramble (21:00):
The USBR Super Beach Radio, the best station
between Rush and Ripley.
Bill Hader (21:05):
The chickens and Jacob plows. Fool and I've been
milking and plowing so long thateven Ezekiel thinks that my mind
is gone.
Gwyneth Palrow (21:14):
I like it like tic tac toe. Every step we take
is
Jerry Pancake (21:17):
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(21:40):
Yeah.
We can slap that on a shirt too.At so cool shirts, we don't just
sell clothes. We sellconversation starters or awkward
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downright ridiculous tees you'veever seen. And, hey, if you
(22:01):
don't see what you want, we'llmake it custom.
I I'm I'm not I don't know aboutthat because we're cool like
that. Remember that old rattyshirt you've been rocking won't
save you from being a totaldisaster. But so cool shirts
just might. Trust me. I'm JerryPancake.
I don't know why you would trustme or listen to me, but I know
(22:23):
bad decisions when I see them.So cool shirts.com. Get cool or
stay bored.
Moons over My Hammy (22:41):
I'm in Denny's.
Gwyneth Palrow (22:46):
All you guys do is just sit up there and talk
about how fucking cool you are.
Barack Obama (22:51):
Miller Beach, this is your president. When I'm
hanging out at Flamingos, Ilight a camel and put on the
Miller Morning Mad House withJerry Pancake and Josh Scramble.
Jerry Pancake (23:01):
Alright, folks. But that's it for today's
episode of the Miller MorningMad House. Big thanks to our
sponsors, So Cool Shirts, wherebad decisions become great
fashion. Check them out for yournext questionable t shirt. And
don't forget all in just triviawith Josh Scramble hosted at the
Marshall j Gardner Center.
(23:23):
It's the only trivia night wherethe questions are just as
unpredictable as the answers.Join us if you dare. And a shout
out to the Miller CommunityTheatre, also at the Marshall J
Gardner Center, where the localstars shine bright. Big thanks
to the MBACD for hosting theseawesome events and making Miller
(23:43):
Beach the place to be. Thanksfor hanging out with us, Miller
Beach.
We will be back next Sunday,hopefully, with a brand new
episode. That is if we are nottoo hungover. No promises. But
stay cool, stay crazy, and keepsupporting the madhouse. To be
(24:04):
caught.
Moons over My Hammy (24:06):
I said, I'm wondering just how you taste.
She laughed and said, I knowjust where to begin. She said, I
know you like breakfast food.I'm about to blow your mind. I
(24:28):
have a sandwich that was madefor your kind.
It's the moon's over my head.It's got cheese and egg. Eat it
on sourdough as you check out myleg. It spoons over my hammy
(24:50):
with its eggs and cheese. Spreadit on sourdough as you taste the
green.
(25:22):
Eat it on sourdough as you checkout my leg. Moon's over my hammy
with bits, eggs, and cheese.Spread it on sourdough as you
taste the grease. Yes, themoon's over Miami. It's got
(25:45):
cheese and eggs.
Eat it on sourdough as you checkout my legs. Moon's over my
hammy with bits of eggs andcheese. Spread it on sourdough
(26:06):
as you taste the green.
Jerry Pancake (26:12):
Bam's a bam. What's a bam? Well, you wouldn't
even know.
Moons over My Hammy (26:15):
Out with Do you understand the words that
you're talking about? Come in mymouth?
Jerry Pancake (26:19):
I don't
Moons over My Hammy (26:19):
know. I
Jerry Pancake (26:20):
don't know.
Gwyneth Palrow (26:20):
You speak it in English?
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