October 14, 2024 • 26 mins
Episode 3: Just the Tips...
Sponsored by SoCoolShirts.Com and Hair BNB
We’re back with another wild ride in Miller Morning Madhouse Episode 3, and this one’s all about Just the Tip(s). We’re serving up the ultimate guide for potential Air BNB renters at Miller Beach, with everything you need to know to avoid sunburns and seagull ambushes. Plus, we dive into some laugh-out-loud Yelp reviews of Romantix—because who doesn’t love a little awkward humor?
But first, a HUGE thank you to all of our incredible listeners for your support. Your love, your laughs, and your ratings are what keep this madhouse going. Don’t forget to rate us and subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—and if you’re looking to sponsor the show, hit us up at contact@socoolshirts.com. We’d love to hear from you!
Music & Extras:
- Intro Music: Clap to the Disco by Yarin Primak kicks off the madness.
- Hair BNB Commercial: Featuring Hair by The Cowsills, because fabulous hair is just a rental away.
- Transitions: We keep it groovy with Whatever You Like by Messwave.
- Outro Song: Close out the episode with Moons Over My Hammy by Bill Harrison, written by none other than Jerry Pancake.
Thank You's:
- Special thanks again to SoCool Shirts, Hair BNB, All In Jest Trivia with Josh Scramble, and the Miller Community Theatre. Huge shoutout to the MBACD for making these amazing events possible at the Marshall J. Gardner Center.
- Stay tuned for our next episode, dropping next week—hopefully—if we’re not too hungover to hit record
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SoCool Daniella (00:22):
All you guys do is just sit up there
and talk about how fucking coolyou are.
Josh Scramble (00:27):
WSPR Super Beach Radio, the best station between
Rush and Ripley.
Jerry Pancake (00:36):
Hey there, Madhouse Maniacs. Welcome to
episode 3 of Miller MorningMadhouse. We're calling this one
just the tips. And trust me,it's going to be a wild ride.
But first, quick shout out toall of you for all the
incredible support, suggestions,all the tips here and we we we
(00:58):
are incredibly thankful for thisand we could not do this without
you.
While you're listening, I'veI've been forgetting this the
first couple episodes or 2 or 3.Don't forget to rate us and
subscribe on Apple Podcasts orSpotify. It really, really helps
us keep everything going. Ifyou're feeling extra generous
(01:21):
and you wanna sponsor oradvertise on the show, hit us up
at contact at socoolshirts.com.We would love to partner with
you.
Welcome to the Miller MorningMad House. I am Jerry Pancake
with my partner here. JoshScramble in the house. How's
everybody doing after JerryClemens last night? That was
(01:44):
impressive as always.
The man with the panties pantylines
Josh Scramble (01:49):
for sale, not actual panty lines.
Jerry Pancake (01:51):
What what was the thing you came up with, though,
that you wanted to say we thatwe missed the joke on
completely?
Josh Scramble (01:56):
I can't believe I missed it, but Jerry Clemons'
favorite note to play, the gstring. Ba boom boom.
Jerry Pancake (02:05):
So as we're as we're progressing in the show,
we we are trying to develop somesegments, and we have some
ideas, from my gay eye. Oh, gayeye. Chad GPT has given me some
ideas, for some segments here,and, we're gonna just go into 1,
(02:27):
Jerry Pancakes morning rant. Oh,boy. And this one's about, I ran
into a tourist apparently whothought the steel mill was
Josh Scramble (02:37):
a art installation. Like it was fake?
Jerry Pancake (02:41):
Like it was like it was just a piece of art, and,
they were shocked that they werenot they were escorted out
immediately. And, I don't know.I I I think some of the Airbnb
people are maybe a littleunprepared.
Josh Scramble (02:57):
Oh, there's no way they're prepared. Not not
one way at all they're preparedfor the neighborhood. Like, you
know, that that's that, goatthey feed the T Rex in Jurassic
Park? Yeah. That is Airbnberscoming into Miller, not they
we're sold a bill of goods thatthey have no idea what's going
on here.
Jerry Pancake (03:14):
Yeah. You get, like, a bunch of pretty pictures
and then, like, the Airbnb is,like, 68 blocks from the beach.
Josh Scramble (03:22):
The drone video shot from a 100 feet above the
roof. Lakefront views.
Jerry Pancake (03:26):
And, like, all these cute restaurants, but you
can't take your family in therebecause it's smoking.
Josh Scramble (03:31):
No. Yeah. The number of times I've seen, you
know, obviously, a new familyhave no idea of rolling up like,
oh, we're gonna have such agreat night at the pizza parlor
to only walk in and realize it'sa 21 and over smoking. You are
not allowed in because you have5 kids with you, bar.
Jerry Pancake (03:48):
Yeah. I don't know if anybody knows this about
Indiana, but, they don't give ashit about, nonsmoking at all.
And, I think years ago, barskinda had to pick if they wanted
kids in there or cigarettes. Anda lot of the bars here picked
cigarettes.
Josh Scramble (04:05):
Oh, well, I mean, the bars said, okay. We have to
deal with some kind of littlewhite things, mostly white
things. I think we're gonnachoose cigarettes over children.
Jerry Pancake (04:14):
Yes. Definitely, Indiana votes cigarettes over
kids unless they are unbornbabies. Sound in that case.
Josh Scramble (04:23):
The only teens that Indiana likes are
nicotines.
Jerry Pancake (04:27):
Perfect. But, yeah, they are wholly
unprepared. So you see it,you'll you'll go by the flamingo
and you'll see a family, youknow, get pointed out of there,
like, escorted out like they didsomething wrong, and then they
will have to sit at this tinypicnic table with, their kids
(04:48):
and, eat their pizza.
Josh Scramble (04:50):
Watching every drunk in the neighborhood walk
by. Yes. Right.
Jerry Pancake (04:54):
And then the alternative is if they go across
the street, and they will be infor a different show there once
they get through those security,and get Yeah. Patted down. By
the armed police. Yeah. Oncethey get through that, they'll
be treated to the loudestpossible, DJ set that you could
(05:17):
ever have during dinner orbreakfast.
Well, true. They don't do lunchanymore, but it would be loud at
lunch as well. So, JoshScramble, do you have any tips
for the the Airbnbers that maybe coming here?
Josh Scramble (05:33):
1, just probably don't come. If you if you have a
family, just avoid it like theplague. Or if you're going to do
that, just go to the beach,stop, enjoy it, go back home,
and don't leave the house untilmorning because you're going to
run into every fool on earth and
Jerry Pancake (05:51):
They will introduce themselves to you too.
Josh Scramble (05:53):
Oh, yeah.
Jerry Pancake (05:54):
Like and they will pretend that they're going
to remember who you are, butthey will not because they don't
remember most of what happenseach night here.
Josh Scramble (06:04):
I've lived in Miller for
Jerry Pancake (06:06):
blah blah blah blah blah blah years.
Josh Scramble (06:07):
And let me tell you 16 facts about myself, and I
won't ask you one question.
Jerry Pancake (06:11):
Yes. They're gonna tell you they've been
here. They're generations ofMillerites, and the the longer
they've been here, the longerthey're gonna talk.
Josh Scramble (06:21):
Also, the louder. I've also noticed. Right? Your
your longevity also equals thevolume at which you speak.
Jerry Pancake (06:26):
You will not be able to get away. You will not
be able to say, hey. I justwanna have dinner with my
family. You you will be trapped.So we're supposed to be
promoting tourism here, but justkinda know what you're in for
with the Airbnbs or some of themare Airbnbs up here lately?
Josh Scramble (06:44):
No. The way they're marketed for sure. I
mean, they're there's they'vegot the like, Ansel Adams taking
their photographs on theirlisting because, like, the the
photo and reality are far apart.
Jerry Pancake (06:56):
The highlights, they don't show, like, the truck
parking or romantics or polecatsin any of the Airbnb literature
that I've seen or any of theads.
Josh Scramble (07:08):
I would say that romantics isn't exactly the
family friendly activity you'relooking for unless you're a very
fucked up family.
Jerry Pancake (07:15):
But if you're looking to get away, that is a
place that you can get away andalso be with other people that
have the same, sick, pervertedthoughts that you do. So it's
like pervert cheers whereeverybody knows your name. But
no one knows if you're a male ora female on the other side of
(07:37):
the hole. Yeah. So there's that.
But Romantics has been a verygood sponsor to us, and so we
wanna thank them. And if youneed to get away from your
family for, you know, a good 10,15 minutes, it is a it's a good
place to go, and it's alwayspacked. Yeah. The Christmas, New
(07:57):
Year's, Thanksgiving Day. Imean, it's crazy.
Christmas Day.
Josh Scramble (08:02):
Maybe maybe they should Airbnb romantics.
Jerry Pancake (08:05):
Oh, that would be wild. Right?
Josh Scramble (08:07):
15 minute increments. Don't even need it
Jerry Pancake (08:08):
for the whole day. Just book out 15 minutes a
piece. Like You'd have to havesome sort of timing mechanism
set up like a buzzer. Oh, you'renot done? Sorry.
You'd still have to get out. Youcan finish in the parking lot.
Josh Scramble (08:27):
Finishing finishing next to the container
before you get to your car.
Jerry Pancake (08:31):
Yeah, man. You shouldn't have prejacked off
before you came in here.
Josh Scramble (08:37):
You need to come in here fully loaded. No. No.
Jerry Pancake (08:41):
I need to stop.
The Cowsills (08:44):
My hair is a
Josh Scramble (08:46):
W SBR Super Beach Radio, the best station between
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Jerry Pancake (11:17):
Ripley. There we go.
Josh Scramble (11:18):
So some reviews of Romantics. 5 star review 11
months ago. I enjoy visiting thetheater. I always end up having
a good time. The last time I wasthere, we had some live sex
going on.
It was better than the movie.Don't forget the huffing
supplies. That was my personalfavorite, the huffing supplies.
(11:39):
What? Swear to god.
What the fuck is going on there?By the way, business manager, I
will not mention names. Hi.Thank you for your 5 stars. Hope
to
Jerry Pancake (11:49):
see you again soon. So the manager is
commenting on the reviews.
Josh Scramble (11:53):
Oh, yeah. There's another one here. A one star
review. Oh, no. This I feel likeI needed to be TB tested after
walking in the store.
The store smelled like dirtyfeet from the cashier being
barefooted. Theater had a stickyfloor from human semen. Oh, come
on. Come on. You can't bediscerning, man.
You're walking in here. I mean,what did you think it was? It's
(12:14):
from a guy. Sorry. Luke.
A library? The arcade hall isalso a storage place. The store
is clean once a week on Mondaynights. So, obviously, a regular
if you knowing how often it'sbeing cleaned and it's
happening.
Jerry Pancake (12:26):
The schedule of cleaning.
Josh Scramble (12:28):
No customer restroom. No in capital letter.
So apparently, again, you doknow that there is no public
restroom. Customers are told togo outside or pee behind the
trash dumpster. But you can jackoff all you want inside.
There's a response from themanager. We apologize for the
negative experience you had atour store. Thank you for
bringing these details to ourattention. We will address them
(12:50):
immediately to ensure a morepleasant environment for our
customers. Something tells methat Chad GPT might be the,
manager at
Jerry Pancake (12:57):
Chad GPT is running that. AI is gonna run
every adult bookstore before youknow it. There will not be any
jobs for people.
Josh Scramble (13:05):
Oh, no. Except for blowjobs. Or yeah.
Jerry Pancake (13:12):
Any more reviews? 7. 7 more. Alright.
Josh Scramble (13:16):
Well, hang on. So, apparently, Chris is always
super helpful and nice. He'samazing. He's always cleaning
too. Well, I think you wouldknow why if you're a romantics.
His knowledge his knowledge ofthe products is amazing. A great
place and a fantastic guy. Sonot only is he the manager, he's
also a, a client too. Well,shout out shout out to Chris.
(13:39):
Yeah.
Keep doing what you're doing.
Jerry Pancake (13:41):
I so I I've pulled up some photos of the
store, here, and people haveposted photos, you know, when
they do a review or whatever.And there's just one photo of a
guy, like, driving his car.
Josh Scramble (13:57):
A selfie in the parking lot?
Jerry Pancake (13:59):
Selfie, and I don't know if he meant to post
that. Like, hey. I'm atRomantics. Come Like, maybe come
down here.
Josh Scramble (14:07):
Like, maybe he had a couple photos and
accidentally included the one ofhim. Yeah.
Jerry Pancake (14:12):
That's Oh, no. This is, so he has he just gave
it a thumbs up as a rating.
Josh Scramble (14:22):
Oh, I mean, there you go.
Jerry Pancake (14:24):
I mean, not bad, but, yeah, it's just it's
unusual that you would wanna putyour face on the on there, but I
don't know. I I there was onereview that I'm trying to find.
Josh Scramble (14:45):
Well, we have another one that's
Okay.
Very interesting. The place is discussing in
Ratchet since they got newjanitors. So, obviously, another
regular if you know they changemanagers, which is a bit of
knowledge I don't wanna know.The only reason I still enjoy
going is because of the olderwhite lady who's the cashier.
Wow.
Okay. She is well educated onall the products, which scares
(15:06):
the shit out of me also. Makesthe shopping experience fun and
less weird. She needs to bepromoted to manager. Other than
her, I recommend other places.
Romantics had a man die in thebooze back in the day, then kept
it quiet from the media andeveryone. Beware.
Jerry Pancake (15:21):
Oh, it's a conspiracy now. Oh, yeah. They
might control the weather. Infact. Romantics.
We control the weather, andwe're sick in that hurricane on,
the south.
Josh Scramble (15:32):
So do you think when, like, sales are down, they
bring out cloudy days to geteverything going? So
Jerry Pancake (15:38):
they are busy. I mean, I think there's 18 cars in
the parking lot at a minimum atall times, 24 hours a day.
Josh Scramble (15:47):
Here's actually, here's a challenge for for
everyone in Miller Beachbecause, I mean, we pass this on
a regular place. As far as Iknow, Romantics is open 24 hours
a day. It is. Okay. If anyonecan go by Romantics and actually
get a photo of the parking lotempty, like, no one's there, I
will personally give you $20.
(16:08):
I'll I'll raise that
Jerry Pancake (16:09):
by 20 because that that will never happen
unless I even during COVID, Idon't think. So I found a review
here, and I think I found thisone pretty interesting. This is
Ashley s from Peotone, Illinois,and she has she's rated a lot of
things, on here. So she it's anexperience and has her photo on
(16:30):
here, which I, again, findreally unusual, and it says,
this is October 11, 2019. Itsays, first of all, it's cool
because it's right off the maindrag.
But my pet peeve, how can oneget a fuck in when dudes come by
when they see the light onliterally pulling the doorknob?
I think I had to ask the samedude two times to leave the door
(16:53):
alone. Couldn't even have fun orget off fully. Literally killed
my man's bone and made me drierthan the Sahara Desert in the
middle of July. That is a realreview.
Josh Scramble (17:04):
Actual legit review.
Jerry Pancake (17:06):
I mean, I'm you can see it.
Josh Scramble (17:08):
She's from Peotone, Illinois. Can I say the
weirdest thing to me on thiswhole that whole review? She
came all the way from Peotone,Illinois to get her fuck on in a
Romantics interview.
Jerry Pancake (17:20):
Could fuck in a Kohl's right in Peotone. That's
a
Josh Scramble (17:23):
long way to travel.
Jerry Pancake (17:24):
Yeah. What's like, there's adult bookstores
all all over the place downthere too.
Josh Scramble (17:30):
But, I mean, if you're trying to think of
somewhere to get your kink on,like, I would think yeah.
Kohl's? I mean Kohl's is
Jerry Pancake (17:38):
the Kohl's dressing room Well, plus if you
fucking air,
Josh Scramble (17:41):
it's ruined. Record it, they'll give you $10
in Kohl's cash.
Jerry Pancake (17:44):
You you will get 80% off plus $10 in Kohl's cash.
Only you can use it, though.Like, 4 weeks from 4 weeks from
now, and you'll definitelyforget about it. Let's see what
other ones do we have. Oh, alocal, Kevin s.
Josh Scramble (18:02):
Oh, yeah. 5 star review.
Jerry Pancake (18:03):
Kevin s is a big picture of himself, 5 star
review. Chris is always superhelpful and nice. He's always
cleaning too. I think you readthis one.
Josh Scramble (18:11):
I think I did, but I didn't realize it was
Kevin s from Hobert.
Jerry Pancake (18:14):
Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe maybe we'll see him
on the beach.
Josh Scramble (18:20):
Someone got some horseshoes. Itzel. That's a
name. Oh, that's the one I writeon. Itzel was the, reviewer who
said it was ratchets.
It's a new, new janitor started,which still, if you know when
the janitor started, romanticsreevaluate your life decisions.
Jerry Pancake (18:40):
So, yeah, I here's a local here, Tiffany.
Pretty awkward to view thevibrators right next door to the
doors that all the truckers useto enter the theater and booths.
I'd recommend a merchandiserearrangement. Other than that,
decent place for a b o breplacement and not too far.
What's a b o b?
Josh Scramble (19:01):
I okay. So I'm not the only one b o b
replacement.
Jerry Pancake (19:03):
Bring your own butthole? No. Like, a Bob must
be some sort of, vibrator orsomething.
Josh Scramble (19:13):
But, also, like, the discernment in people, like,
you know, I just wanna pick upmy
Jerry Pancake (19:18):
I don't wanna have to look at sex booths.
Josh Scramble (19:21):
I don't wanna have to deal with
a trucker coming behind me, like, ma'am, you're
in
Jerry Pancake (19:24):
a sex store. Like Like, literally, and there's
truck parking literallysurrounding it. So, like,
there's there's a lot of othersex stores that are in better
spots. So Classier ones. Yeah.
But it looks like they got agood selection of stuff looking
at the photos here. Some DVDs.Who uses DVDs anymore? Are they
(19:49):
got books? Erotic books?
Josh Scramble (19:52):
What the fuck? Who the fuck is buying those?
Like,
Jerry Pancake (19:55):
I'm reading a book, Mad Libs?
Josh Scramble (20:00):
John put his mouth on her dog.
Jerry Pancake (20:02):
I mean, I haven't seen Mad Libs in a long time,
but they definitely look likethey got a lot of, dildos,
pleasure, massage things. Theseare butt plugs. It looks like It
is a line
Josh Scramble (20:17):
of butt plugs. They
Jerry Pancake (20:20):
are jeweled. Plugs. Bejeweled butt plugs.
Well, I
Josh Scramble (20:24):
mean, that's the one thing that they may not put
on the bedazzle commercial.
Jerry Pancake (20:28):
Here's the other thing. Like so these photos that
are on, Yelp, they are posted bypeople that have gone to the
place. Right?
Josh Scramble (20:38):
I would have to think so.
Jerry Pancake (20:40):
They're not these aren't posted by maybe I mean,
well, this one says romantics.And so the manager of Romantics
has picked out this picture ofpenis pumps.
Josh Scramble (20:51):
That one looks like a spray paint like an auto
spray paint guy.
Jerry Pancake (20:55):
Well, they're trying to appeal to the
industrial.
Josh Scramble (20:58):
Oh, true.
Jerry Pancake (20:59):
The person here, you know, you work at the mill.
You don't want your penis pumpto be some pussy ass pink or or
light blue color. A man. Youwant it to look like a like a a
r a r 15. Yeah.
They should call that. Thatwould be a oh, free cockering
with all of these as well.
Josh Scramble (21:19):
You know, I you know, it's funny, Jerry. I was
in Romantics the other day, andI saw 2 penis pumps
comparatively, good quality. Allgood. But then they said has the
best best penis pumps ever.Glorious penis pumps, glory
holes.
Jerry Pancake (21:35):
I like the max precision power pump, and it so
I'm noticing here there's
Josh Scramble (21:39):
precision? Like, what kind of precision are you
using on a penis pump? It's gota big, like, industrial It's got
a pressure gauge. That's whatI'm saying. Like, is he painting
a car or pumping his penis?
Like
Jerry Pancake (21:52):
It looks like it would hurt. And then, Uh-oh.
Josh Scramble (21:55):
Better get Mako.
Jerry Pancake (21:57):
And then they have the beginners power pump.
Josh Scramble (22:00):
The big wow. I didn't even know there were
levels of penis pump.
Jerry Pancake (22:03):
And then euro, apparently, I'm guessing that's
like a circumcision thing.
Josh Scramble (22:09):
I think maybe the lettering on the label is just
in kilometers. I don't know.It's like the BMW of penis pumps
or something. The the ultimatepumping machine.
Jerry Pancake (22:19):
Hitler would use the Euro pump maybe.
Josh Scramble (22:22):
Well, he would he would definitely use the third
one on the Reich.
Jerry Pancake (22:27):
This isn't your father's old mobile home.
SoCool Daniella (22:42):
All you guys do is just
sit up there and talk about howfucking cool you are.
Barack Obama (22:46):
Miller Beach, this is your president. When I'm
hanging out at Flamingo's, Ilight a camel and put on the
Miller Morning Mad House withJerry Pancake and Josh Scramble.
Jerry Pancake (22:58):
Alright, folks. That's it for today's episode of
the Miller Morning Mad House.Big thanks to our sponsors, So
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out for your next questionable tshirt. And don't forget all in
just trivia with Josh Scramblehosted at the Marshall j Gardner
(23:19):
Center.
It's the only trivia night wherethe questions are just as
unpredictable as the answers.Join us if you dare. And a shout
out to the Miller CommunityTheater, also at the Marshall j
Gardner Center, where the localstars shine bright. Big thanks
to the MBACD for hosting theseawesome events and making Miller
(23:41):
Beach the place to be. Thanksfor hanging out with us, Miller
Beach.
We will be back next Sunday,hopefully, with a brand new
episode. That is if we are nottoo hungover. No promises. But
stay cool, stay crazy, and keepsupporting the madhouse. Catch
you next time.
(24:17):
I'm a sexy, sexy old.
The Cowsills (24:20):
I'm a sexy, sexy old.
Speaker 10 (24:24):
I'm a sexy, sexy
Jerry Pancake (24:27):
old, and
The Cowsills (24:28):
you know how I
JPSR (24:48):
Bam's a bam. What's a bam? Well, you wouldn't even know.
SoCool OGs (24:51):
I would Do you understand the words
The Cowsills (24:53):
that you're talking about? About?
SoCool OGs (24:56):
Do you speak it in English?
JPSR (26:08):
Bam's a bam. What's a bam? Or you wouldn't even know.
SoCool OGs (26:12):
Out what? Do you understand the words that were
The Cowsills (26:15):
coming out of my mouth? No.
So (26:17):
Do you speak it in English?
All you guys do is just sit up there
and talk about how fucking coolyou are.
Josh Scramble (00:27):
WSPR Super Beach Radio, the best station between
Rush and Ripley.
Jerry Pancake (00:36):
Hey there, Madhouse Maniacs. Welcome to
episode 3 of Miller MorningMadhouse. We're calling this one
just the tips. And trust me,it's going to be a wild ride.
But first, quick shout out toall of you for all the
incredible support, suggestions,all the tips here and we we we
(00:58):
are incredibly thankful for thisand we could not do this without
you.
While you're listening, I'veI've been forgetting this the
first couple episodes or 2 or 3.Don't forget to rate us and
subscribe on Apple Podcasts orSpotify. It really, really helps
us keep everything going. Ifyou're feeling extra generous
(01:21):
and you wanna sponsor oradvertise on the show, hit us up
at contact at socoolshirts.com.We would love to partner with
you.
Welcome to the Miller MorningMad House. I am Jerry Pancake
with my partner here. JoshScramble in the house. How's
everybody doing after JerryClemens last night? That was
(01:44):
impressive as always.
The man with the panties pantylines
Josh Scramble (01:49):
for sale, not actual panty lines.
Jerry Pancake (01:51):
What what was the thing you came up with, though,
that you wanted to say we thatwe missed the joke on
completely?
Josh Scramble (01:56):
I can't believe I missed it, but Jerry Clemons'
favorite note to play, the gstring. Ba boom boom.
Jerry Pancake (02:05):
So as we're as we're progressing in the show,
we we are trying to develop somesegments, and we have some
ideas, from my gay eye. Oh, gayeye. Chad GPT has given me some
ideas, for some segments here,and, we're gonna just go into 1,
(02:27):
Jerry Pancakes morning rant. Oh,boy. And this one's about, I ran
into a tourist apparently whothought the steel mill was
Josh Scramble (02:37):
a art installation. Like it was fake?
Jerry Pancake (02:41):
Like it was like it was just a piece of art, and,
they were shocked that they werenot they were escorted out
immediately. And, I don't know.I I I think some of the Airbnb
people are maybe a littleunprepared.
Josh Scramble (02:57):
Oh, there's no way they're prepared. Not not
one way at all they're preparedfor the neighborhood. Like, you
know, that that's that, goatthey feed the T Rex in Jurassic
Park? Yeah. That is Airbnberscoming into Miller, not they
we're sold a bill of goods thatthey have no idea what's going
on here.
Jerry Pancake (03:14):
Yeah. You get, like, a bunch of pretty pictures
and then, like, the Airbnb is,like, 68 blocks from the beach.
Josh Scramble (03:22):
The drone video shot from a 100 feet above the
roof. Lakefront views.
Jerry Pancake (03:26):
And, like, all these cute restaurants, but you
can't take your family in therebecause it's smoking.
Josh Scramble (03:31):
No. Yeah. The number of times I've seen, you
know, obviously, a new familyhave no idea of rolling up like,
oh, we're gonna have such agreat night at the pizza parlor
to only walk in and realize it'sa 21 and over smoking. You are
not allowed in because you have5 kids with you, bar.
Jerry Pancake (03:48):
Yeah. I don't know if anybody knows this about
Indiana, but, they don't give ashit about, nonsmoking at all.
And, I think years ago, barskinda had to pick if they wanted
kids in there or cigarettes. Anda lot of the bars here picked
cigarettes.
Josh Scramble (04:05):
Oh, well, I mean, the bars said, okay. We have to
deal with some kind of littlewhite things, mostly white
things. I think we're gonnachoose cigarettes over children.
Jerry Pancake (04:14):
Yes. Definitely, Indiana votes cigarettes over
kids unless they are unbornbabies. Sound in that case.
Josh Scramble (04:23):
The only teens that Indiana likes are
nicotines.
Jerry Pancake (04:27):
Perfect. But, yeah, they are wholly
unprepared. So you see it,you'll you'll go by the flamingo
and you'll see a family, youknow, get pointed out of there,
like, escorted out like they didsomething wrong, and then they
will have to sit at this tinypicnic table with, their kids
(04:48):
and, eat their pizza.
Josh Scramble (04:50):
Watching every drunk in the neighborhood walk
by. Yes. Right.
Jerry Pancake (04:54):
And then the alternative is if they go across
the street, and they will be infor a different show there once
they get through those security,and get Yeah. Patted down. By
the armed police. Yeah. Oncethey get through that, they'll
be treated to the loudestpossible, DJ set that you could
(05:17):
ever have during dinner orbreakfast.
Well, true. They don't do lunchanymore, but it would be loud at
lunch as well. So, JoshScramble, do you have any tips
for the the Airbnbers that maybe coming here?
Josh Scramble (05:33):
1, just probably don't come. If you if you have a
family, just avoid it like theplague. Or if you're going to do
that, just go to the beach,stop, enjoy it, go back home,
and don't leave the house untilmorning because you're going to
run into every fool on earth and
Jerry Pancake (05:51):
They will introduce themselves to you too.
Josh Scramble (05:53):
Oh, yeah.
Jerry Pancake (05:54):
Like and they will pretend that they're going
to remember who you are, butthey will not because they don't
remember most of what happenseach night here.
Josh Scramble (06:04):
I've lived in Miller for
Jerry Pancake (06:06):
blah blah blah blah blah blah years.
Josh Scramble (06:07):
And let me tell you 16 facts about myself, and I
won't ask you one question.
Jerry Pancake (06:11):
Yes. They're gonna tell you they've been
here. They're generations ofMillerites, and the the longer
they've been here, the longerthey're gonna talk.
Josh Scramble (06:21):
Also, the louder. I've also noticed. Right? Your
your longevity also equals thevolume at which you speak.
Jerry Pancake (06:26):
You will not be able to get away. You will not
be able to say, hey. I justwanna have dinner with my
family. You you will be trapped.So we're supposed to be
promoting tourism here, but justkinda know what you're in for
with the Airbnbs or some of themare Airbnbs up here lately?
Josh Scramble (06:44):
No. The way they're marketed for sure. I
mean, they're there's they'vegot the like, Ansel Adams taking
their photographs on theirlisting because, like, the the
photo and reality are far apart.
Jerry Pancake (06:56):
The highlights, they don't show, like, the truck
parking or romantics or polecatsin any of the Airbnb literature
that I've seen or any of theads.
Josh Scramble (07:08):
I would say that romantics isn't exactly the
family friendly activity you'relooking for unless you're a very
fucked up family.
Jerry Pancake (07:15):
But if you're looking to get away, that is a
place that you can get away andalso be with other people that
have the same, sick, pervertedthoughts that you do. So it's
like pervert cheers whereeverybody knows your name. But
no one knows if you're a male ora female on the other side of
(07:37):
the hole. Yeah. So there's that.
But Romantics has been a verygood sponsor to us, and so we
wanna thank them. And if youneed to get away from your
family for, you know, a good 10,15 minutes, it is a it's a good
place to go, and it's alwayspacked. Yeah. The Christmas, New
(07:57):
Year's, Thanksgiving Day. Imean, it's crazy.
Christmas Day.
Josh Scramble (08:02):
Maybe maybe they should Airbnb romantics.
Jerry Pancake (08:05):
Oh, that would be wild. Right?
Josh Scramble (08:07):
15 minute increments. Don't even need it
Jerry Pancake (08:08):
for the whole day. Just book out 15 minutes a
piece. Like You'd have to havesome sort of timing mechanism
set up like a buzzer. Oh, you'renot done? Sorry.
You'd still have to get out. Youcan finish in the parking lot.
Josh Scramble (08:27):
Finishing finishing next to the container
before you get to your car.
Jerry Pancake (08:31):
Yeah, man. You shouldn't have prejacked off
before you came in here.
Josh Scramble (08:37):
You need to come in here fully loaded. No. No.
Jerry Pancake (08:41):
I need to stop.
The Cowsills (08:44):
My hair is a
Josh Scramble (08:46):
W SBR Super Beach Radio, the best station between
Rush and Ridley. We love playingmusic, but right now we have to
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The Cowsills (08:57):
Ask me why.
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Looking for a change? Tired of your same old
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I run a Billy Ray's mullet for my eighties
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boring hair. Rent it, wear it,love it.
Jerry Pancake (11:17):
Ripley. There we go.
Josh Scramble (11:18):
So some reviews of Romantics. 5 star review 11
months ago. I enjoy visiting thetheater. I always end up having
a good time. The last time I wasthere, we had some live sex
going on.
It was better than the movie.Don't forget the huffing
supplies. That was my personalfavorite, the huffing supplies.
(11:39):
What? Swear to god.
What the fuck is going on there?By the way, business manager, I
will not mention names. Hi.Thank you for your 5 stars. Hope
to
Jerry Pancake (11:49):
see you again soon. So the manager is
commenting on the reviews.
Josh Scramble (11:53):
Oh, yeah. There's another one here. A one star
review. Oh, no. This I feel likeI needed to be TB tested after
walking in the store.
The store smelled like dirtyfeet from the cashier being
barefooted. Theater had a stickyfloor from human semen. Oh, come
on. Come on. You can't bediscerning, man.
You're walking in here. I mean,what did you think it was? It's
(12:14):
from a guy. Sorry. Luke.
A library? The arcade hall isalso a storage place. The store
is clean once a week on Mondaynights. So, obviously, a regular
if you knowing how often it'sbeing cleaned and it's
happening.
Jerry Pancake (12:26):
The schedule of cleaning.
Josh Scramble (12:28):
No customer restroom. No in capital letter.
So apparently, again, you doknow that there is no public
restroom. Customers are told togo outside or pee behind the
trash dumpster. But you can jackoff all you want inside.
There's a response from themanager. We apologize for the
negative experience you had atour store. Thank you for
bringing these details to ourattention. We will address them
(12:50):
immediately to ensure a morepleasant environment for our
customers. Something tells methat Chad GPT might be the,
manager at
Jerry Pancake (12:57):
Chad GPT is running that. AI is gonna run
every adult bookstore before youknow it. There will not be any
jobs for people.
Josh Scramble (13:05):
Oh, no. Except for blowjobs. Or yeah.
Jerry Pancake (13:12):
Any more reviews? 7. 7 more. Alright.
Josh Scramble (13:16):
Well, hang on. So, apparently, Chris is always
super helpful and nice. He'samazing. He's always cleaning
too. Well, I think you wouldknow why if you're a romantics.
His knowledge his knowledge ofthe products is amazing. A great
place and a fantastic guy. Sonot only is he the manager, he's
also a, a client too. Well,shout out shout out to Chris.
(13:39):
Yeah.
Keep doing what you're doing.
Jerry Pancake (13:41):
I so I I've pulled up some photos of the
store, here, and people haveposted photos, you know, when
they do a review or whatever.And there's just one photo of a
guy, like, driving his car.
Josh Scramble (13:57):
A selfie in the parking lot?
Jerry Pancake (13:59):
Selfie, and I don't know if he meant to post
that. Like, hey. I'm atRomantics. Come Like, maybe come
down here.
Josh Scramble (14:07):
Like, maybe he had a couple photos and
accidentally included the one ofhim. Yeah.
Jerry Pancake (14:12):
That's Oh, no. This is, so he has he just gave
it a thumbs up as a rating.
Josh Scramble (14:22):
Oh, I mean, there you go.
Jerry Pancake (14:24):
I mean, not bad, but, yeah, it's just it's
unusual that you would wanna putyour face on the on there, but I
don't know. I I there was onereview that I'm trying to find.
Josh Scramble (14:45):
Well, we have another one that's
Okay.
Very interesting. The place is discussing in
Ratchet since they got newjanitors. So, obviously, another
regular if you know they changemanagers, which is a bit of
knowledge I don't wanna know.The only reason I still enjoy
going is because of the olderwhite lady who's the cashier.
Wow.
Okay. She is well educated onall the products, which scares
(15:06):
the shit out of me also. Makesthe shopping experience fun and
less weird. She needs to bepromoted to manager. Other than
her, I recommend other places.
Romantics had a man die in thebooze back in the day, then kept
it quiet from the media andeveryone. Beware.
Jerry Pancake (15:21):
Oh, it's a conspiracy now. Oh, yeah. They
might control the weather. Infact. Romantics.
We control the weather, andwe're sick in that hurricane on,
the south.
Josh Scramble (15:32):
So do you think when, like, sales are down, they
bring out cloudy days to geteverything going? So
Jerry Pancake (15:38):
they are busy. I mean, I think there's 18 cars in
the parking lot at a minimum atall times, 24 hours a day.
Josh Scramble (15:47):
Here's actually, here's a challenge for for
everyone in Miller Beachbecause, I mean, we pass this on
a regular place. As far as Iknow, Romantics is open 24 hours
a day. It is. Okay. If anyonecan go by Romantics and actually
get a photo of the parking lotempty, like, no one's there, I
will personally give you $20.
(16:08):
I'll I'll raise that
Jerry Pancake (16:09):
by 20 because that that will never happen
unless I even during COVID, Idon't think. So I found a review
here, and I think I found thisone pretty interesting. This is
Ashley s from Peotone, Illinois,and she has she's rated a lot of
things, on here. So she it's anexperience and has her photo on
(16:30):
here, which I, again, findreally unusual, and it says,
this is October 11, 2019. Itsays, first of all, it's cool
because it's right off the maindrag.
But my pet peeve, how can oneget a fuck in when dudes come by
when they see the light onliterally pulling the doorknob?
I think I had to ask the samedude two times to leave the door
(16:53):
alone. Couldn't even have fun orget off fully. Literally killed
my man's bone and made me drierthan the Sahara Desert in the
middle of July. That is a realreview.
Josh Scramble (17:04):
Actual legit review.
Jerry Pancake (17:06):
I mean, I'm you can see it.
Josh Scramble (17:08):
She's from Peotone, Illinois. Can I say the
weirdest thing to me on thiswhole that whole review? She
came all the way from Peotone,Illinois to get her fuck on in a
Romantics interview.
Jerry Pancake (17:20):
Could fuck in a Kohl's right in Peotone. That's
a
Josh Scramble (17:23):
long way to travel.
Jerry Pancake (17:24):
Yeah. What's like, there's adult bookstores
all all over the place downthere too.
Josh Scramble (17:30):
But, I mean, if you're trying to think of
somewhere to get your kink on,like, I would think yeah.
Kohl's? I mean Kohl's is
Jerry Pancake (17:38):
the Kohl's dressing room Well, plus if you
fucking air,
Josh Scramble (17:41):
it's ruined. Record it, they'll give you $10
in Kohl's cash.
Jerry Pancake (17:44):
You you will get 80% off plus $10 in Kohl's cash.
Only you can use it, though.Like, 4 weeks from 4 weeks from
now, and you'll definitelyforget about it. Let's see what
other ones do we have. Oh, alocal, Kevin s.
Josh Scramble (18:02):
Oh, yeah. 5 star review.
Jerry Pancake (18:03):
Kevin s is a big picture of himself, 5 star
review. Chris is always superhelpful and nice. He's always
cleaning too. I think you readthis one.
Josh Scramble (18:11):
I think I did, but I didn't realize it was
Kevin s from Hobert.
Jerry Pancake (18:14):
Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe maybe we'll see him
on the beach.
Josh Scramble (18:20):
Someone got some horseshoes. Itzel. That's a
name. Oh, that's the one I writeon. Itzel was the, reviewer who
said it was ratchets.
It's a new, new janitor started,which still, if you know when
the janitor started, romanticsreevaluate your life decisions.
Jerry Pancake (18:40):
So, yeah, I here's a local here, Tiffany.
Pretty awkward to view thevibrators right next door to the
doors that all the truckers useto enter the theater and booths.
I'd recommend a merchandiserearrangement. Other than that,
decent place for a b o breplacement and not too far.
What's a b o b?
Josh Scramble (19:01):
I okay. So I'm not the only one b o b
replacement.
Jerry Pancake (19:03):
Bring your own butthole? No. Like, a Bob must
be some sort of, vibrator orsomething.
Josh Scramble (19:13):
But, also, like, the discernment in people, like,
you know, I just wanna pick upmy
Jerry Pancake (19:18):
I don't wanna have to look at sex booths.
Josh Scramble (19:21):
I don't wanna have to deal with
a trucker coming behind me, like, ma'am, you're
in
Jerry Pancake (19:24):
a sex store. Like Like, literally, and there's
truck parking literallysurrounding it. So, like,
there's there's a lot of othersex stores that are in better
spots. So Classier ones. Yeah.
But it looks like they got agood selection of stuff looking
at the photos here. Some DVDs.Who uses DVDs anymore? Are they
(19:49):
got books? Erotic books?
Josh Scramble (19:52):
What the fuck? Who the fuck is buying those?
Like,
Jerry Pancake (19:55):
I'm reading a book, Mad Libs?
Josh Scramble (20:00):
John put his mouth on her dog.
Jerry Pancake (20:02):
I mean, I haven't seen Mad Libs in a long time,
but they definitely look likethey got a lot of, dildos,
pleasure, massage things. Theseare butt plugs. It looks like It
is a line
Josh Scramble (20:17):
of butt plugs. They
Jerry Pancake (20:20):
are jeweled. Plugs. Bejeweled butt plugs.
Well, I
Josh Scramble (20:24):
mean, that's the one thing that they may not put
on the bedazzle commercial.
Jerry Pancake (20:28):
Here's the other thing. Like so these photos that
are on, Yelp, they are posted bypeople that have gone to the
place. Right?
Josh Scramble (20:38):
I would have to think so.
Jerry Pancake (20:40):
They're not these aren't posted by maybe I mean,
well, this one says romantics.And so the manager of Romantics
has picked out this picture ofpenis pumps.
Josh Scramble (20:51):
That one looks like a spray paint like an auto
spray paint guy.
Jerry Pancake (20:55):
Well, they're trying to appeal to the
industrial.
Josh Scramble (20:58):
Oh, true.
Jerry Pancake (20:59):
The person here, you know, you work at the mill.
You don't want your penis pumpto be some pussy ass pink or or
light blue color. A man. Youwant it to look like a like a a
r a r 15. Yeah.
They should call that. Thatwould be a oh, free cockering
with all of these as well.
Josh Scramble (21:19):
You know, I you know, it's funny, Jerry. I was
in Romantics the other day, andI saw 2 penis pumps
comparatively, good quality. Allgood. But then they said has the
best best penis pumps ever.Glorious penis pumps, glory
holes.
Jerry Pancake (21:35):
I like the max precision power pump, and it so
I'm noticing here there's
Josh Scramble (21:39):
precision? Like, what kind of precision are you
using on a penis pump? It's gota big, like, industrial It's got
a pressure gauge. That's whatI'm saying. Like, is he painting
a car or pumping his penis?
Like
Jerry Pancake (21:52):
It looks like it would hurt. And then, Uh-oh.
Josh Scramble (21:55):
Better get Mako.
Jerry Pancake (21:57):
And then they have the beginners power pump.
Josh Scramble (22:00):
The big wow. I didn't even know there were
levels of penis pump.
Jerry Pancake (22:03):
And then euro, apparently, I'm guessing that's
like a circumcision thing.
Josh Scramble (22:09):
I think maybe the lettering on the label is just
in kilometers. I don't know.It's like the BMW of penis pumps
or something. The the ultimatepumping machine.
Jerry Pancake (22:19):
Hitler would use the Euro pump maybe.
Josh Scramble (22:22):
Well, he would he would definitely use the third
one on the Reich.
Jerry Pancake (22:27):
This isn't your father's old mobile home.
SoCool Daniella (22:42):
All you guys do is just
sit up there and talk about howfucking cool you are.
Barack Obama (22:46):
Miller Beach, this is your president. When I'm
hanging out at Flamingo's, Ilight a camel and put on the
Miller Morning Mad House withJerry Pancake and Josh Scramble.
Jerry Pancake (22:58):
Alright, folks. That's it for today's episode of
the Miller Morning Mad House.Big thanks to our sponsors, So
Cool Shirts, where bad decisionsbecome great fashion. Check them
out for your next questionable tshirt. And don't forget all in
just trivia with Josh Scramblehosted at the Marshall j Gardner
(23:19):
Center.
It's the only trivia night wherethe questions are just as
unpredictable as the answers.Join us if you dare. And a shout
out to the Miller CommunityTheater, also at the Marshall j
Gardner Center, where the localstars shine bright. Big thanks
to the MBACD for hosting theseawesome events and making Miller
(23:41):
Beach the place to be. Thanksfor hanging out with us, Miller
Beach.
We will be back next Sunday,hopefully, with a brand new
episode. That is if we are nottoo hungover. No promises. But
stay cool, stay crazy, and keepsupporting the madhouse. Catch
you next time.
(24:17):
I'm a sexy, sexy old.
The Cowsills (24:20):
I'm a sexy, sexy old.
Speaker 10 (24:24):
I'm a sexy, sexy
Jerry Pancake (24:27):
old, and
The Cowsills (24:28):
you know how I
JPSR (24:48):
Bam's a bam. What's a bam? Well, you wouldn't even know.
SoCool OGs (24:51):
I would Do you understand the words
The Cowsills (24:53):
that you're talking about? About?
SoCool OGs (24:56):
Do you speak it in English?
JPSR (26:08):
Bam's a bam. What's a bam? Or you wouldn't even know.
SoCool OGs (26:12):
Out what? Do you understand the words that were
The Cowsills (26:15):
coming out of my mouth? No.
So (26:17):
Do you speak it in English?
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