Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to This Organized Life. If you're a mom, wife,
or coffee lover seeking advice on how to reduce clutter
and reclaim time, look no further than your host, Louri Palau,
Founder Simply Be Organized and author of Hot Mess, a
practical guide to getting organized. For a lot of people,
clutter is their dirty little secret, but it doesn't have
to be. Each week, we will share practical tips, chat
(00:22):
with experts, and provide strategies on how.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
To keep you organized.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I hope that by sharing our stories you feel a
little less alone and more empowered to tackle the areas
that are holding you back. So let's get started.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Hi everybody, and welcome to you today's episode of This
Organized Life podcast. I'm your host, Lori Palau, and welcome
to twenty twenty two. We are kicking off our sixth
year in podcast world, and I have an amazing, amazing guest.
I could not I was trying to think of who
would be a great guest to kick off twenty twenty two,
and I could not have picked a better guest for you.
(01:01):
So you are all in for a treat today. Joining
me today is somebody and don is going to tell
me like, try not to fan girl. But there's a
few people in this world who I really truly admire
and I'm extremely humbled to be chatting with. And today's
guest is one of them. Joining me is none other
than Mel Robbins. Not going to read her full bio
for you, just to paraphrase. She's a leader in the
(01:24):
personal development space and many of you know her work
from The Five Second Rule, which was a multiple national bestseller.
It's been translated, i think into like thirty six different languages.
She's a ted speaker, and she's got like a half
a billion downloads of people that follow her, Like it's ridiculous.
It's not even like numbers I can compute. But she
(01:45):
has a new book out, and I guess it's still
considered new. I'm going to ask her, like, how long
is a book considered new? But she has a book
that's came out a few months ago, and I had
the privilege of getting an advanced copy of it. It's
called The High Five Habit, and it really talks about
this process that she developed and she's going to walk
us through it about how this process of pausing can
(02:07):
really have an actual scientific effect in behavior change. And
it's been transformational for people. And I've been practicing it.
And again, my kids are in and out of college,
so they don't get it at full force, but you know,
when they're at home, I'm trying to get them to
drink the kool aid with me on all of these things.
But I want to talk to her all about this
(02:27):
and how you can incorporate some of these practices to
be the best version of yourself. Without further ado, let
me welcome Mel Robbins to the show.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Hi. Mel, Oh, that was one hell of an introduction.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
See, and I like to do a live introduction because
then people are like, oh, wow, what are they saying
about me? There you go?
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Now you know, well, thank you for saying such nice
things about me. Well, all hard earned.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
And yes, I was gonna say, it's all well, it's
well deserved and all true. I just I gave our
listeners an overview. But tell us a little bit about
your story for people that might not kind of know
the background, because there's so much to where you are
and who you are.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Just give some perspective at the moment that you're listening
to this. I'm fifty three, and I'm a best selling
author and a motivational speaker, and I also run a
digital media company in the personal development space, and that
basically means that we create all kinds of content online
and lots and lots of audio books and online courses
(03:36):
that help people take control of aspects of their life
and create new habits that help them literally change who
they are, change their experience of life. And I got
into this not by intention, but I got into this
by screwing up my own life so badly that I
(03:59):
got to a point by the time I was forty
one that my anxiety was so crushing. I was unemployed
and three kids under the age of ten, and my
husband was an entrepreneur still is. We had basically secured
a business with our entire life savings and our home.
And it was two thousand and eight and the housing
(04:21):
crisis hit. And at the age of forty one, you know,
never on a vision board or in a you know,
design your life process or any kind of goal setting
did I write down what my life looked like when
I was forty one. I did not write down I
dream of being an alcoholic, I dream of having anxiety.
(04:42):
I dream that the age of forty one, I will
have leans on my house. I will not be able
to pay for groceries. I will be screaming at my
husband and wanting to divorce him, and so filled with
shame and so sad and full of self doubt that
I can barely get out of bed. That is is
not what I had planned on doing, So, you know,
(05:02):
and I think that's that's one takeaway immediately is that
you know, life never goes according to plan. Goals and
dreams are really important because they put a beacon out
in front of you and it gives you something to
look out at on the horizon. It helps you raise
your gaze from where you are right now. You know,
you talk a lot about clutter, you talk a lot
(05:23):
about being a hot mess, You talk about all kinds
of stuff. And the truth is that goals and dreams
are important because they give you clarity about what direction
to point your life in. But what's interesting about life
is that I believe, and this is takeaway number two.
If you do the work and you're a good person,
doesn't mean you're perfect. But if you do the work
and you're a good person, eventually you get what you
(05:47):
wanted and what's meant for you. But it's never the
path that you envisioned it would be. And for me,
there's a lot of comfort in knowing this is one
of kind of the core principles that I talk about
all the time. If you think about your life as
like one long map, and there are dots that are
all over that map that you've traveled through, I like
(06:08):
to believe that absolutely everything that you face in life
is preparing you for something amazing that's coming, even the
shitty stuff, even the things that are that's that are
heartbreaking and painful and that you don't deserve that. If
you can cultivate a mindset that's somewhere out on the horizon,
there is a dot that you will pass through and
(06:30):
you will be able to meet that moment in the
future because of something you're learning as you struggle right
now and kind of having that kind of mindset, which
I did not have, by the way, twelve years ago.
I was in the mindset that a lot of us
get into when life is really hard, which is why
me like this isn't fair. I didn't ask for this.
(06:53):
I thought I was a good person, Like why why why?
And when you get stuck and in thinking about what's
going on and resisting what's going on, you will become
paralyzed where you are. You know, my beginning in personal
development came at a breakdown, a breakdown where my husband
and I were eight hundred grand in debt and I
was drinking myself into the ground and screaming at him
(07:14):
every chance I could get unemployed, and the simplest things
were impossible to do. I couldn't make myself exercise, I
couldn't put down the alcohol. I was isolating myself. I
wouldn't look for a job. I wouldn't be nice to Chris.
I couldn't stop snapping at the kids. I was completely
emotionally out of control, and I couldn't get out of
bed when the alarm rang. I also believe here's a
(07:36):
third takeaway, that your whole life changes with a decision
to change. We want to overcomplicate it. The fact is,
if you want to go from being a hot mess
to feeling like you're back in control, you need to
make a decision that you're going to take control. For me,
I didn't even know kind of what to do. I
(07:59):
just knew what I shouldn't be doing, and that's all
you need to know. I knew I shouldn't hit the
snooze button four times a morning. I knew I shouldn't
be so disorganized that the kids, you know, were missing
the bus. I knew I shouldn't snap at Chris. I
knew I shouldn't avoid my friends. I knew I shouldn't
be blowing off exercise. And sometimes all you need to
know is what shouldn't you be doing. The decision that
(08:21):
changed my life was one morning when the alarm rang,
Instead of hitting the snooze button like I had done
for six months in a row, I counted backwards five
four three two one, just like NASA does to launch
a rocket. And counting backwards five four three two one
launched me through my anxiety and through my fear, and
through the paralysis and into the next chapter of my life.
(08:45):
That's how it began.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Which there are so many people that I think are
sitting there, and I have a personal friend who is
struggling right now, and why she doesn't listen to my
financial struggles. You know, lost her house, some poor financial decisions,
there was job loss, there's you know, overeating, she's overweight,
(09:08):
drinking's on issue. But just like a lot of there's
a lot of really good in her life too, where
I keep trying to remind her, but just really, let's
go for a walk, let's do things, let's start taking
some positive action. And I'm sitting here listening to what
you're saying, and this downward spiral that you were in,
I keep thinking, she just feels helpless, Like that's the
(09:30):
word that keeps coming up. And I think there's probably
a lot of people out there that might be listening
and say, I can relate to that feeling of I'm
on this downward spiral in X, Y and Z part
of my life. I just don't know what to do.
So it's easier to wait. Not easier, but like to
wave the white flag and just stay in. That is
like the devil you know, versus the devil you don't
(09:51):
because you don't know what's on the other side, or
maybe I don't. Then you start to say, maybe I
don't deserve happiness, or maybe I don't deserve this. You
start telling yourself the narratives. You had this epiphany, if
you will, I don't know if that's the right word.
So you did this and it changed your life. Can
you walk us through a little bit about that? And
then I just want people that might be feeling going
(10:11):
it can't be that simple, like I can't be it's well,
it's not easy.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It is simple.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Yes, it is not easy.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
And the reason why change is not easy is because
your brain loves patterns. And so if you get caught
in a pattern where you are hitting the snooze button
five times a morning and waking up late and stressed
and overwhelmed. As much as you may hate that feeling,
(10:38):
you are locked in a pattern. And the problem that
everybody faces is instead of hating the pattern, you hate yourself.
And it is critical that you understand in any area
of your life where you are stuck, all that's happening
is you have patterns of behavior and patterns of thinking
(11:01):
that are keeping you stuck. And what you must do
Rule number one is you must stop labeling yourself. You
must stop saying I'm a bad person, I'm a loser,
I'm a failure, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough.
You must stop labeling yourself and you must start labeling
(11:23):
the behavior. You don't like. Waking up late is making
me feel bad. Drinking an entire bottle of wine and
waking up hungover makes me feel like a failure. Snapping
at my kids is a behavior that makes me feel
like I'm not good enough or that I'm failing as
(11:47):
a mom. Do you see the difference between saying I'm
a failure because I keep snapping at my kids. I'm
not good enough because I drank a bottle of wine
last night. There I go again, And I'm a bad
person because I keep hitting the snooze button and I
can't get out of bed. When you can separate yourself
(12:08):
from the behavior you want to change, you now are
free to change the behavior without indicting, sentencing and locking
yourself in a jail of self criticism. Under the weight
of that self criticism, I am a bad person. I
screw everything up. I'm a failure. That weight of self
(12:28):
criticism is the reason why you don't feel inspired to change.
This opinion became a belief, and as you repeat it
and keep saying it and saying it, saying it. See
I didn't pay my bills. I'm a bad person. See
I didn't do this. I'm a bad person. See I
didn't do that. I'm screwing up my life CCC. And
you keep labeling yourself, it becomes your identity. And then
all sorts of stuff kicks in in your brain in
(12:50):
terms of the filter of your brain. Step number one
in changing your life stop labeling yourself and start identifying
and label the patterns of behavior and patterns of thinking
that make you feel bad, and then go to work
and thing change them.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
I love it because so much of what I do
when I talk to people is talking to people about
their whether it's their physical clutter, their emotional clutter, or
what I call calendar clutter, being overscheduled and running. I
have that, and that's that's my that's my dominant type
of clutter. But we talk about it. Clutter is just
(13:31):
the symptom. It's just the symptom of the bigger issue
that's going on. So a lot of the work that
I do, because I like to pretend like I'm a psychologist,
I you know, Play one on TV, is about understanding
that these are behavior changes that we do to make
those take those actionable steps in our life, specifically relating
(13:54):
to something simple like we're going to open the mail,
so we're not going to have late fees, We're going
to pay our time because we're going to start with
a little changing our behavior of opening the mail. As
you know.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
As you know, opening bills is one of the most
confronting things in the world for somebody who feels that
they have made bad financial decisions. It is not a
little thing, it's everything.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Hi, guys, it's Logan.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
You might remember me from episode one thirty eight where
I share some of my own organizing struggles growing up.
I'm here today to let you know that if your
kids are struggling with letting go or need a little
extra support when it comes to getting organized, my mom's
book is filled with tips for the entire family.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
She even has an entire chapter.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Dedicated to getting kids involved, which includes a responsibility list
broken down by age. So if you don't already have
a copy, go ahead and order my mom's book, hop Mess,
A Practical Guide to Getting Organized, available on Amazon, Barnes
and Nobles, or wherever are stilled.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Now back to our ship. When I have people that
talk to me about their clutter and they say, well,
I have a lot of physical clutter and it's specifically
paper and mail, and I unpack that with them. I
(15:23):
explain to them that really, paper clutter is nine times
out of ten emotional clutter. It stems from guilt or
fear or overwhelm, and we procrastinate because we don't know
what to do. It is so much more emotional than
it is. It manifests itself in piles of paper and
(15:43):
physical stuff. But at the end of the day, when
I walk into somebody's house and I see bags of
unopened mail, that's an emotional issue. That is not I'm
a busy mom running a million different directions and I've
got toys everywhere, and I just need a better system
to put them away. Different type of a situation that
you need to address, and so your strategy is going
(16:06):
to be different. So a lot of the work, obviously
that you do is about helping people be the best
versions of themselves, which I believe when you feel good
about yourself. And I was just having this conversation with
a girlfriend yesterday. When I walk into somebody's house and
I see chaos and clutter, I don't judge anybody, because
who am I? But I look at it as what
(16:26):
is chaotic in your life that it's manifesting like this,
Like this is a symptom of something else crazy going
on in your world. Something's out of out of alignment
in your world. The hot I want you to touch
on the high five habit. I want you to talk
about the people that, yes they have physical clutter, or
yes they're struggling, they might be listening to the show,
but it's really so much deeper. It's about how they
(16:48):
feel we're it's all about Yeah, it all comes back
to the self worth. Just give us some insight into that.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
You know. One of the things that I think that
we've all been trained to believe is that tough love
is love. And if you're hard on yourself, if you
are critical of yourself, if you are labeling yourself a
failure or unworthy or not good enough, why on earth
(17:17):
would you ever feel motivated to change? Like, just think
about it from a common sense standpoint. What's something that
you used to love to do when you were little?
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Ride bikes?
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Okay, so ride bikes. So imagine it's the eight year
old LORI tell me about the bike that you have
when you're eight years old.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
It was a yellow bike with a banana sea and
this is the seventies because uh, and it had a
little flower basket on the front. And I used to
just ride it around my old neighborhood with my friends,
and you know, we would just like again, this was
the seventies, so we were free ranging all around and
(18:00):
we just ride and have fun and stop and play.
And that was you know, we weren't. It wasn't a
competitive organized thing. It was just me and my friends
outside playing, you know, back in the day.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, riding around on your banana seat bike, having a ball,
present in the moment. Yep, loving life, happy, enjoying yourself,
enjoying what you're doing. I'm sure when you woke up
one of the things that you thought about that you'd
love to do today is hop on your bike and
go find your friends, right. Sure. So now imagine that
(18:34):
you're riding down the street and there's a group of
kids that come up and ride alongside you and start saying,
you're terrible at this, Your bike is ugly, you're too
big for that bike. What the hell are you out
here doing this? Anyway? Hey, I heard that you really
said this stupid thing at school. You don't deserve to
be out here playing. Shouldn't you be working on speaking better.
(18:57):
What happens to you as somebody else is saying that
kind of crap to you.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Well, you start to believe it because it's always easier
to believe the worst than something good. And if somebody's
pointing that out, at least that's for me, is I
would start to believe? Is that actually true?
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Yeah? So the eight year old you, in literally ten
seconds flat of being criticized and beaten down and picked apart,
you go from feeling happy to feeling sad. You go
from being excited and curious and present to withdrawing and
(19:35):
to feeling heavy emotionally and self conscious. And tomorrow morning
when you wake up, the first thing on your mind
is not the enthusiasm and the motivation and the inspiration
to jump on this bike and go do something that
you know you like to do. It's a little bit
of fear. And the reason why I'm telling you this
story is because if you are somebody that struggles with self,
(20:01):
you are doing to yourself exactly what those other kids
did in my story to you, Laurie as an eight
year old on your bike, and every single human being,
based on our research, and I'm just going to say
every single human being, because I have yet to meet
one person who says, actually, that's not true about me. Now,
(20:23):
every single person is speaking to themselves the way that
those other kids who bullied you and who criticized you,
and who tanked your spirit. Everybody speaks to themselves that way,
and it's become so much the default you don't even
realize it. And if you're sitting there listening to me
(20:44):
and you're like, I'm not sure do I beat myself?
I think I don't know if I beat myself up,
you definitely beat yourself up. And I'm gonna prove it. Yeah,
because every single morning, when you're brushing your teeth, you
have this moment where you're standing before a mere And
based on our research and look, there's millions of people
that follow us. Based on our research and our surveys
and what we've now heard from one hundred and forty
(21:07):
five thousand people in ninety one countries, fifty percent of
men and women cannot or will not look at themselves
in the mirror. That is a habit of self rejection
and self hatred, and it begins your day if you
cannot or will not look yourself in the mirror. And
if you're somebody who won't and can't open your bills,
you're probably somebody who cannot or will not look at
(21:27):
yourself in the mirror. And the reason why you cannot
or will not look at yourself in the mirror is
because you are sad, ashamed, disgusted, regretful, whatever of where
you are or the decisions that you've made in your life,
you begin your day with a deliberate act of self
(21:49):
criticism and self hatred by refusing to even acknowledge your
own presence. And that's how your day begins every day.
And it is not just something that you casually do.
It is a locked in habit that is as much
a part of your morning as brushing your teeth. This
is the core problem that every human being is facing.
And if you can look in the mirror, you're like
(22:10):
the ninety one percent of us who focus on the
things we can't stand that we need to fix. As
you start to apply your makeup, you're not doing it
as a creative act, as an additive. You're hiding things,
you're fixing things, you're making yourself look better. And dudes
do this too. This is not unique to women, this
is all human beings. And so again, if you look
(22:33):
at yourself in the mirror and you focus on what
you don't like, that is a habit of criticizing rejecting
and hating on yourself. And so I didn't even realize
the extent to which I was doing this. I did
not realize that the core way that I spoke to
myself was one that was critical. And I'm talking about
(23:01):
a time in my life, Laurie, where I'm fifty two.
I am living the dream. I have reinvented myself. Over
the course of a decade, I have clawed my way
out of a financial looking crater. I am proud of
myself for how hard I've worked. Not only hard, I've
(23:22):
worked to make money, to build a business, to help
other people out. But I'm proud of myself because of
how much work I've done in therapy and on myself
to be a better version of myself. And here i
am April of twenty twenty, and I'm going through a
challenging moment. Doesn't even matter what's going on as the backdrop,
because everybody can relate to the feeling of waking up
(23:45):
in the morning and feeling overwhelmed by your life. That's
what I felt in April of twenty twenty. And I
walk into the bathroom and Yep, I'm the lady that
has written the five second rule. I've sold millions of books.
I've gotten myself not only out of debt, but I've
put away tons of money. I am employing a ton
of people. I have a lot of respect from people
(24:05):
that follow my work. I think I respect myself. Not true,
not true, And it's not true because I was not
treating myself with respect. So I'm brushing my teeth this morning,
and I catch my reflection in the mirror, and my
first reaction, literally is ugh, you look like hell. And
(24:26):
I focus on the lines on my neck and the
dark circles under my eye, and the gray hair that's
coming in, and one boobs hanging lower than the other,
and I just start picking myself apart. I start doing
what the kids in the story that I told you,
the kids that ride up alongside you as you're eight
years old, and they start picking apart the way you're
riding that bike. I start doing that to myself. And
(24:48):
as you start picking apart your appearance, you will feel
your mood drop, you will feel your motivation evaporate, you
will feel the heaviness kick in. And every single one
of us starts our day like this. For whatever reason,
I think it was divine intervention because the story is
so stupid, Like I mean, I didn't intentionally high five
(25:10):
myself that much. Like I literally the woman I saw
in the mirror looked so sad and so overwhelmed. She
looked like she needed a high five, and so I
just raised my hand and I high fived her. And
that was the beginning of this. And you know, it
wasn't like the first high five. I'm like, wow, I'm
going to write a book about this. It wasn't like that.
But what happened is I noticed I immediately felt a
(25:32):
little energy shift. And I laughed, of course when I
did it, because it's so corny. But it was the
next morning that the profound nature of this really started
to kick in. I probably spotted it because I have
spent my life in the last five years finding and
sharing simple tools that make profound changes in your life.
(25:53):
I pay attention to when I feel different, and you
know that second morning, I wake up and I feel different.
And the first thing I noticed is I'm actually looking
forward to getting to the bathroom. I'm thinking about the
high five. And as I'm walking to the bathroom, I
realize I'm having this feeling for the first time. And
let me explain to you what it is. You know,
that feeling when you're about to walk into a cafe
(26:16):
and meet somebody that you really like.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
It's been a while, but yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Well we're like we can conjure it up from our
COVID brain, feeling like, yeah, what do you feel?
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Excitement, lighter in your staff, kind of just enthusiasm.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Yeah, I felt that the second morning about the idea
of seeing myself. Now, let me unpack how profound this
was for me. I had always looked forward to potentially
seeing an outfit or a haircut or something like that,
but I don't ever recall as an adult looking forward
to seeing the human being. Mel Robbins, It strikes me
(26:55):
as I round the corner that this is like a moment,
and I walk into the bathroom, and then I have
the second realization. And the second realization I have is that,
holy shit, there are two people in the bathroom every morning.
There's you and there's a human being in the mirror.
And she needs to She's trying so hard, she's exhausted,
she is so beaten down by your criticism, and she
(27:17):
needs you to see her and to start cheering for
her and to support her. She is trying hard to
ride that little bike, and all you're doing is beating
her down. As I started to realize that it was
this intense spiritual experience, this deep moment of presence that
you know, I think people have sometimes when they're metada
(27:39):
hating or some of the psychedelic therapeutic modalities bring it
out for people. Moments in nature where you come around
a corner and there's an extraordinary view, kind of these
divine moments where you feel deeply reconnected to self. And
standing there that second morning in the bathroom, looking at
(28:03):
a woman in a mirror that I had been criticizing
and ignoring, I raised my hand to her and gave
her a high five. And it was truly like a
moment of coming home. And I now have a high
five in the mirror as part of my morning routine.
I've added it. I added it in in April of
(28:23):
twenty twenty. I have not missed a morning. I do
it right after I brush my teeth. I don't say
a thing because all the programming is in your brain
and we can unpack it and why it's all exciting,
and even doctor Caroline Leaf, the neuroscientist who discovered neuroplasticity
thirty years ago, went bananas when she read the high
five Habit started to unpack the science around this with me.
(28:48):
But what's fascinating is that the change in me is revolutionary.
You know, I have fundamentally rewired my brain doing this fundamentally.
When I look in a mirror, I don't even see
my face or my body anymore. I see a human
being that I love, that's trying and that I support,
(29:12):
just like you see your kids. You know, your kids
do things that piss you off, They make mistakes, they
you know, up all the time, they're annoying, and you
still love them, and you still view them through this
lens of support and unconditional love.
Speaker 3 (29:26):
And we don't show that to ourselves. That's the set.
That's the thing.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
We don't know how.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
We don't know how for everyone listening out there. The
starting point if you are feeling like either either, and
I think there's a lot of people that have good
jobs and feel like their life is good, but they
still find themselves. That was me criticizing, you know, like
I'm sitting there this morning looking at I need to
put cover up here. I need to do this, Oh,
(29:51):
I need to get my roots done all, you know,
like you said, all the little picky things as opposed
to stopping and appreciate a moment and taking a moment.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
And you know, we can unpack the science because I
think the reason why, yeah, I was going to say
powerful is it's not a mantra. It's a physical action
and habit that your own brain watches you do because
you do it in the mirror. You know, between the
dopamine drip that your brain gives you when you receive
a high five, to the programming and neural association that
you already have in your mind, in your subconscious with
(30:22):
a high five, to the celebratory energy that is hardwired
in your body. There are four extraordinary benefits, backed by science,
that you will get no matter who you are, where
you are, or what you're facing in your life. If
you add a high five in the mirror to your
morning routine, no matter how cheesy, stupid and weird it sounds.
So Number one, you get a boost of dopamine, which
(30:46):
boosts your mood. Number two, you literally silence your critic
because the programming associated with a high five is already
in your brain so when you raise your hand and
go to high five yourself, if your prefrontal cortex is
paying attention, but as soon as it recognizes that a
high five is coming, it grabs the programming from your subconscious.
(31:07):
A high five says I believe in you, I love you,
I see you keep going. Shake it off, you can
face this. I'm with you. A high five has never
in the history of high fives meant you're a bad person,
You're going to fail off. I hope you lose. Right,
So your brain's programming with a high five shuts up
(31:29):
your inner critic and overrides it. That's benefit number two.
Benefit Number three is your mind is watching. A high
five is not just some gesture. A high five demonstrates
to your own brain that you treat yourself with kindness, respect,
and support. And as your brain every morning sees you
taking this action of kindness, support, celebration and love for self,
(31:53):
your brain starts to plow new neural pathways related to
your identity. That's number three. Number four is you feel
a little jolt of energy that comes from your nervous system.
Because your nervous system is hardwired for celebration and your
nervous system knows exactly what a high five is. Every
single morning, in five seconds or less, you can give
(32:16):
yourself those four benefits backed by science, that have been
proven to work for more than one hundred and forty
thousand people in ninety one countries in the last forty
eight days. That many people have gone through a five
day challenge online with me, not a single person in
that challenge, not one has said it hasn't worked.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
And here's the thing. It's five seconds and it's free.
So what have you got to lose?
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Why would you want to do it? But hold on
a second, Why would you want to do it? If
you've got bills that you can't pay, if you've got
shame and regret, if your life is a hot mess,
if you've surrounded by clutter, I guarantee you you make
yourself looking wrong over it. Imagine the difference if, instead
of starting your day by ignoring yourself or beating yourself
(33:06):
up and trashing yourself about how cluttered the bathroom sink
is and how you haven't even gotten to this yet,
Imagine if you shut that down and instead you started
practicing a new habit of simply raising your hand and
sending yourself into the game of your life the way
that a good teammate does in sports. Wouldn't that help
(33:28):
you open one bill? Wouldn't feeling encouraged help you attack
the clutter in your calendar. Wouldn't feeling that you at
least treat yourself like you like yourself make it easier
for you to draw some boundaries with yourself because you
like yourself. Isn't high fiving yourself an act of forgiveness,
(33:51):
an act of compassion? And don't you fucking need it?
Speaker 3 (33:55):
And you know it's I was having a conversation unrelated
to clutter. We were just I was chatting with one
of my girlfriends about another one of my friends just
going through a hard time in her life, and we
were just talking about when you start you start to
take comfort. And I talk about this also with people
with clutter. But so, whether it's clutter or an unhappy
(34:15):
marriage or whatever your you know, dysfunctional workplace or whatever
it is, sometimes we take comfort in this chaos that's
in our world, in those in that specific you know,
fill in the blank, and we just almost feel like
it's easier to stay in that whether we tell ourselves
(34:36):
that we don't deserve it, or it's easier to just
kind of poo poo it then, because then if you
do say I'm going to try it, then the scary
part is what happens if it works, What happens if
the change? Then does happen if your identity is tied
to feeling like the hot mess, or your identity is
(34:57):
I'm the one that's always struggling or on this, you
become that negative identity. The thought of change can be
scary because it's the devil you don't know versus the
devil you do.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
So I mean, I'm just saying, what do you say? Like,
how do you? What do you say in.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
A different way? Because I think I'm a bitchier than
you are.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
Oh I don't think so, I just just don has
me clean it up for the show better. But no,
I don't think you. I don't think you are at all.
But go ahead.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
The reason why change is scary is because your brain
likes patterns.
Speaker 3 (35:33):
Yeah, that's it it.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
I like to take this into the lane of patterns
because I believe one of the things that makes it
very difficult for people to change is the problems feel
so personal the issues seem so big, the obstacle in
(35:58):
your way seems insirle, And so you have this gigantic
emotional reaction to simply trying new patterns. And I am
trying to simplify it by saying you're not broken. You
have patterns of behavior that are broken. The pattern of
(36:20):
behavior of not looking at your bills is a broken pattern.
That pattern makes you feel broken. If you don't fix
broken patterns by replacing them with new patterns, those old,
broken patterns will continue to repeat. I don't believe you
(36:45):
are a hot mess. I believe you are trapped in
a broken pattern that makes you feel like one. And
I also don't believe that you're scared of being something else. See.
I believe that you you deeply yearn to become who
you're meant to be. I don't think people fear change
(37:07):
at all. I think they are longing for it. And
what you don't understand is that these patterns that you
have from childhood or that you've repeated for whatever reason,
these patterns are broken, but you're not. And if you
can identify patterns of behavior, whether it's you're not paying
your bills or you are ignoring your intuition and you
(37:30):
keep dating and sleeping with people that you know you shouldn't,
or whether that pattern is to go silent when somebody
seems like they might get disappointed in you. If you
can identify those broken patterns that are keeping you trapped,
and then you go to work and fix them and
(37:52):
replace them with patterns that align with your values, patterns
that align with what you want, you will literally set
yourself free. You see, I don't think people fear change
at all. They long for it, but they don't know
how to do it because we've spent all of our
energy saying I'm broken, I'm a bad person, I'm a failure,
(38:13):
instead of talking about the patterns. This pattern of behavior
is broken. This pattern of behavior makes me feel like
a failure. This pattern of thinking makes me believe I failed.
I need to get rid of this broken pattern and
I need to start practicing a new pattern. When you
focus on the patterns, you are now free to change
(38:33):
your life. When you continue to focus on labeling, criticizing,
and victimizing yourself, you lock yourself in.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
A cage and you aren't your behavior. And I think
a lot of times people identify themselves and like full
snaps for everything that you just said, and I think
it's so true. I mean, obviously I'm a big fan
of your work, and I think there's so there's so
much value you because I look at there's a big
theme of shame that I talk about that I see
(39:04):
with people specifically in the space of clutter and organization.
But I mean you could apply it to anything, wait, finances,
all the things, anything, But in my lane of clutter
and organization, there's so much shame that I see people have.
That is just the power is on the stuff, or
the power is what they don't have. The power is
(39:26):
not measuring up or whatever it is. Fill in the
blank and trying to get people to see past that
and how reclaim control over their space, of their stuff,
of their time, whatever it is. You know, the exhaustion
that I see from people because they are struggling with
calendar clutter, because they are such yes people that they
(39:47):
over commit to everything and so then they're not putting
on their own oxygen mask, or they're yelling at their
kids because they're so busy being a million different directions
that they have no margin for their kids. And that
may or may not have been me fifteen years ago,
you know, And so you do all of these things,
(40:08):
or you buy all of these things, or whatever it
is to get all of this acceptance, or you think
you're going to see this big reward at the end
and then come up empty. And so I love that
it just starts primitively with just that acknowledgment. If you're
(40:31):
a professional organizer or have thought about becoming one, I
want to tell you about our SBO Partner Program. The
SBO Partner Program is my personal membership community exclusively for
professional organizers. From live monthly zoom calls to an online
library filled with documents, video and resources, we help remove
the guestwork and overwhelm of running a business. Plus we
(40:53):
have live Pewter peer connection and monthly mentoring with yours. Truly,
because of the custom nature to our group, our membership
is limited, so for inquiries please visit simply be Organized
dot com, backslash SBO dash programs to learn more. Now
back to our show. We're going to be, you know,
(41:20):
wrapping up soon. But we have people that are out there.
You and I are similar in age, We're both moms
of bigs. You know, I've read your stories. We've both
made mistakes with our kids, and hopefully they're gonna We've
said things and done things to our kids. I maybe
you could share stories. I think there's so many parents
that I hear that are like, I'm messing up my kids,
or I've done this to my kids, or I don't
(41:41):
I want to set a better example for my kids.
And then I've got other moms that are moms of
littles that are like, I can't come up for air
for five seconds. I would love to high five myself
in the mirror if I could get five seconds alone.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Well, here's what I have to say about that. Yep,
if you want a different life, start making different decisions,
stop bitching about what's not working, and get to work
working on it to change it. You are in control
of so much more than you are willing to admit.
I'm not suggesting that it's easy to change your life.
(42:16):
It takes time, it takes discipline, it takes commitment. It
doesn't happen overnight. You got to fight for it. But
you have a choice. Every morning when you wake up,
you get a you get this, You get a blank
looking page. You get to decide whether or not you're
(42:36):
going to hit the snooze button five times, and you're
going to wake up a hot mess and you're going
to make all the same decisions that you made today,
or you can decide that today is the day. I
am changing my fucking life because I am changing the
decisions and the patterns of behavior that I engage in.
(42:56):
I am going to get up when the alarm rings
instead of racing to my day late. I'm going to
take a minute and make my bed because that one
small thing of getting up when the alarm rings and
then taking a minute and making your bed so that
you have one thing done, so that you have one
less thing of clutter. And then I'm going to walk
(43:17):
into my closet and pull on my extra clothes because
damn it, I know I'm in a better mood when
I take a walk outside, and once these clothes are on,
it's one less thing that I need to do and
it's going to remind me. And then I'm going to
walk into that mirror that bathroom and I am going
to brush my teeth, and then I'm going to high
five myself, even though I hate what I look like,
(43:38):
even though I don't like what I weigh, even though
I have so many bills to pay that it's overwhelming,
and I focus on the regrets. But I am going
to high five myself because I am committed to silencing
this in my head. I am tired of listening to
my mother's voice. I'm tired of listening to my father's voice.
If you want to change your life, you are going
to have to fight like hand to hand combat all
(44:01):
day long against the current patterns that you have that
are making you miserable. And what are those patterns? Those
patterns are criticizing yourself. Those patterns are focusing relentlessly on
the things you're doing wrong or the one thing you
didn't get to on your to do list. Those patterns
are picking yourself apart. Those patterns are focusing on the
(44:24):
things that are in your way and complaining about the excuses.
Those patterns are obsessing about the mistakes that you've made
in the past. And what do you need to do
to break these patterns? Well, by God. Number one, you've
got to stop labeling yourself and you've got to start identifying,
labeling the behavior that's making you feel broken. Number two,
(44:46):
you need to start focusing on all of the amazing
things you do right you got up, you get a
high five. You made your bed, you get a high five.
You brush your teeth, you get.
Speaker 3 (44:56):
A high five.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
You slap some yogurt on that counter, kids slapped it,
You get a high five. Man, you let the dog
out today, you get a high five. You responded to
one text and what you get a high five. You
need to start to focus on everything that you're doing right.
Another thing you need to do. You need to stop
obsessing about the past and look ahead and figure out
(45:19):
what you want the future to look like, because your
future will not be different unless you make it different.
And finally, finally, finally, you have got to start celebrating, supporting,
and encouraging the woman you see staring back at you
every morning in the mirror. Changing your life is one
(45:43):
of the most important and challenging and difficult and profound
things that you could ever do, and nobody's going to
do it for you. You got to make a decision
that you deserve to be happy. You can change these
patterns of behavior and thinks that make you feel broken.
And it begins with how you treat the woman in
(46:04):
the mirror.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
And there we have a people mic drop right there,
Like you said, it's it is a simple principle, but
you have to do it. You just have to commit
to doing it.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Well, that's like, here's your choice, stay where you are
and bitch about it. There's choice one. Yeah, stay where
you are and be grateful accept it it is what
it is. Or identify what you want and can do
the work to make it happen. You are capable. I
love it, Mel Robbins.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
I am humbled. Thank you, thank you. I feel I
feel like I've just been in a workshop. I feel
like I've just been in a one on one workshop
with you. But in all honesty, thank you for sharing
this wisdom with all of us. Obviously, we'll have links
in our show notes. Let everyone know where can they
find you, Where can they get the book? Where can
they learn more about your work? Send them all the places.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
You can find me online. Just we put up tons
of content, free content online. And you know, here's the
other thing I want to say. You're really lucky because
you clearly want to change your life, which is why
you're listening to this, why you're watching this, and you
live in a moment of time where all the answers
are out there for free. If you are isolated, disconnected,
(47:24):
disempowered and alone. Google the problem you're facing, Google the
pattern of behavior you want to change. I promise you
you will not only get millions of links, you will
get thousands of articles written by experts that walk you
step by step by step on what to do. You
(47:45):
will be able to see videos, many of them on
our YouTube channel, that will walk you, step by step
by step through how to get started addressing the issue.
The answers are out there, and you are so lucky
because you can find them online for free, and so
you have everything that you need to get started. You
(48:06):
have the desire to change something, you have answers that
will make you realize that you're not alone. There's nearly
eight billion people on the planet, and there's a lot
of them that have been through exactly what you're dealing
with right now, and there's even more of them that
have put information online that will help you get started.
And getting started is the hardest and most important part,
(48:29):
because when you commit to change, you turn your life
in a new direction and you start forward momentum, and
even just one step for me, that one step that
turned my life in a new direction when I was
facing bankruptcy, drinking myself into the ground and nearly about
to divorce my husband. The one thing that turned my
(48:50):
life in an entirely new direction was simply getting out
of bed when the alarm rang. That's how you do it.
You make a decision to change your life. Then you
look for the answers, and then you five four three
two one push yourself to try it. And the action
is what will prove to your brain and to those
(49:11):
broken patterns that have you trapped right now, the action
will prove that you mean business.
Speaker 3 (49:18):
It's true, it's science, and here are the tools. People.
We have them out there and we're pulling for you.
Mel and I are pulling for you. If this is
your first time tuning into our show, welcome, you have
come at a great time. Welcome, and if you're a
longtime listener, thank you for being here, Thank you for
coming back being part of our community. If you know
(49:41):
that you can follow us, We're all over social media.
Simply be organized this Organized Life Podcast Facebook group, post
your comments, questions, and high five yourself. Tag Mel, tag me,
I want to hear you. We will end and I'm
going to high five myself and Mel. Thank you. All right,
until next week. Guys, I'm lri Plaut. Peace out. Thanks
(50:08):
for tuning in. If you like this episode, make sure
to click the subscribe button wherever you're listening so that
you never miss an episode. And while you're there, go
ahead and leave us a review. A special shout out
to our amazingly talented podcast producer Don Jackson of the
Raven Media Group for all of his hard work. And finally,
(50:28):
if you want to connect with me, visit simplyborganized dot
com or find me all over social media at Simply
be Organized. I'll see you next week for another episode
of This Organized Life.