Untoxicated Podcast
Sheri and Matt Salis just wanted a normal life – normal marriage, normal careers, a normal house and happy kids. Instead, they lived a life of lies and terror as they struggled with Matt’s alcoholism. While their experience sounds rare, with over 15 millions problem drinkers in America, their alcoholic marriage was all too normal. Matt has been writing about their experiences in alcoholism and recovery for years. On the Untoxicated Podcast, Sheri and Matt talk about it, too. No subjects are off limits as the couple discusses the trauma of active addiction, the pain of early recovery, the destruction and rebuilding of trust, and the impact on their intimate relationship. If you love an alcoholic, the disease will terrorize your relationship. We hope you’ll listen and find healing in our shared stories. For more support from Sheri and Matt, check out their Echoes of Recovery program providing connection and healing for the loved ones of alcoholics.
Episodes
April 22, 2024 • 64 mins
During Matt's active addiction, Sheri and Matt had to try to run communication through a variety of contrived filters in order to be nice to each other. On this episode, the couple talks about the process they went through to get from artificial and occasional bouts of niceness to a genuine and consistent pattern of being nice. As is so often the case, sobriety is just the prerequisite.
If you are or were the partner of an alcohol...
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April 15, 2024 • 76 mins
There are two things that can happen to sex and intimacy in a relationships suffering through alcoholism. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome Nikki, Rene and Nicole who share their experiences with both traumatizing outcomes.
If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understa...
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April 8, 2024 • 59 mins
The chaos and trauma of active addiction is obvious. But what about before we acknowledge alcoholism? What about before we cross that invisible line? The efforts we make to manipulate our partners seem simple, even helpful, on the surface. But the partners of alcoholics often suffer from anxiety caused by not feeling worthy. When partners eventually lose respect for their alcoholic, they often find respect for themselves.
If you a...
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April 1, 2024 • 72 mins
Original co-host of the podcast, Jason Polk is a relationship therapist with a sub-specialization in addiction counseling. On this episode, Sheri and Matt ask Jason about the dangers of substituting weed for alcohol, and how porn impacts relationships. To hear more from Jason, check out his podcast: Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships.
If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alco...
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March 25, 2024 • 60 mins
The lying is worse than the drinking. Sheri and Matt have heard this sentiment expressed countless times by partners who are suffering from the trauma of betrayal. Honesty is so important even when honesty is impossibly hard.
If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit from connection with people who understand, ...
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March 18, 2024 • 81 mins
After five years of sobriety, Mitchell relapsed. After five years in recovery from codependency, Anna's boundaries were tested. On this episode, Sheri and Matt welcome the creators of We Are Recovery to talk about what led up to the relapse, and how they are bouncing back in the authentic, raw and vulnerable way that is the reason Anna and Mitchell are so beloved in the recovery community.
If you are or were the partner of an alco...
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March 11, 2024 • 70 mins
Do you think your industry or environment has a heavy drinking culture? You are probably right, but you are not unique. In this episode, Sheri and Matt talk (from their civilian perspective) about the things that set military families apart. "Thank you for your service," is not enough.
If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recove...
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March 4, 2024 • 75 mins
Heidi Rain is a relationship expert focused on the link between codependency and addiction. She helps people break free from toxic relationship patters. Sheri and Matt are thrilled to have her join them on the podcast, and you can learn more about her and her important work at HeidiRain.com.
If you are or were the partner of an alcoholic, please check out our Alcoholic Intimacy Survey.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your ...
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February 26, 2024 • 60 mins
During Matt's active addiction, Sheri had to pick and choose the times she discussed big parenting decisions with him, and there was plenty of stress and anxiety around raising the kids, but she never cut Matt off and made parenting decisions unilaterally. What has to happen to make the partner of the drinker cut the drinker off from parental decisions? And what has to happen to re-engage in recovery? We really want to know. Please...
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February 19, 2024 • 87 mins
Five couples retreat under a foot of fresh powder to the Rockie Mountains to bask in the glow of the fireplace and revive sore hiking (and shovelling) muscles in the bubbles of the hot tub with not a drop of alcohol among them...and have a fun, bonding, restorative time. A few years ago, Sheri and Matt would not have thought this possible. Do you have doubts? Give the culminating conversation a listen.
If you and your partner are ...
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February 12, 2024 • 57 mins
What are your expectations for recovery, for you or the people around you? Some expectations are absolute necessities. Others are unachievable, and even harmful. Sheri and Matt talk through a bunch of scenarios and explain how their expectations have changed over time.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed...
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February 5, 2024 • 81 mins
***Trigger Warning: Death from alcohol abuse is discussed.
Julie, Rachel, Becky and Melanie join the conversation and help Sheri and Matt break down the issues surrounding custody agreements and co-parenting arrangements. From the impact these decisions have on the, "should I stay or should I go," decision, to communicating with the kids, this roundtable episode covers a lot of ground with some very insightful perspectives.
Sheri...
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January 29, 2024 • 60 mins
We would never blame one person's alcoholism on the attitude or actions of their partner. But it is also naive to ignore that loneliness in a relationship is an underlying issue that leads to self-medication. And that self-medication creates more distance. Guess what that distance leads to? (If you guessed, "more drinking," you are picking up what we are laying down on this nuanced and complex episode.)
Sheri and Matt start the ep...
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January 22, 2024 • 79 mins
In this corner, making her third appearance on the Untoxicated Podcast, is Master Addiction Counselor, star and host of the Put the Shovel Down YouTube channel, the one, the only, the fabulous Amber Hollingsworth. And in this corner, is an old drunk who seems to now be addicted to asking questions and forming opinion about addiction, Sheri's husband Matt. Sheri referees as these two go toe to toe about the role of the family in the...
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January 15, 2024 • 59 mins
The more Sheri and Matt learn, the more undeniable the connection is between emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, sexual satisfaction and trust. Understanding the connection requires understanding the ways in which alcoholism does damage to intimacy in romantic partnerships. Sheri laughs and cries hard in this emotional episode.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple som...
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January 8, 2024 • 85 mins
Early sobriety from high-functioning alcoholism is plagued with dopamine depletion and identity crisis resulting in mood swings, tension, sadness, thin skin and meanness. As a three-time gold medalist in the 2017 D!@k Olympics, Matt leads a roundtable discussion about what is takes to qualify for, and succeed in, this gruelling competition.
Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the ...
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January 1, 2024 • 58 mins
There is conflict inherent in alcoholic relationships. And conflict brings guilt. Regardless of the outcome of the relationship, the conflict and guilt deserves relief. Sheri and Matt talk about the benefits of taking the time to remember why we fell in love.
Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could benefit fro...
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December 25, 2023 • 60 mins
Merry Christmas! During the holiday season, strained family relations manifest in challenging ways. There is perhaps no better time for Sheri and Matt to talk about the role of family in support of recovery - for the alcoholic or the loved one. Are we expecting too much?
Do you want to ask Sheri and Matt a question? if so, send your question to matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com.
If you love or loved an alcoholic, and your recovery could...
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December 18, 2023 • 58 mins
It's the most wonderful time of the year. At least that's how it is hyped. If you are living through the holiday season with active alcoholism or early sobriety, the trauma and nervous system dysregulation can make this time of the year terrifying. On this episode, Sheri and Matt relive some relatable memories, give you a completely unnecessary education about the whole grain bakery business, and share some hope for your not-to-dis...
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December 11, 2023 • 71 mins
Traci is back on the podcast! And this time, she brought her husband, Andy, along for the conversation. It has been over three years since Traci laid some wisdom on us in Ep61 when she lamented that when Andy got sober, it turned out that he had opinions. Five years into Andy's sobriety, they both continue to grow and recover, and Traci is here to tell us all to be careful what we wish for. This is a powerful story of the self-disc...
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