We all wrestle with the lies in our own head. “You’re not good enough. You’re a failure. You’ll never change.” These inner voices are more than just thoughts—they are spiritual battles. In this special panel discussion, Pastor Jocelyn Perez, Alison Berest Busching, Pastor Randall Duperval, and Christy Gomez confront the power of negative self talk and reveal how God’s truth sets us free.
Through powerful testimonies and biblical wisdom, you will learn how to:
- Identify the lies of the enemy and replace them with God’s Word
- Break free from shame, fear, and toxic inner narratives
- Recognize how childhood patterns and cultural pressures shape your self talk
- Walk in the freedom of your true identity in Christ
- Encourage others and create a culture of truth and healing
John 8:32 reminds us, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” This message will help you silence the lies, renew your mind, and step into the abundant life God has for you.
👉 Subscribe to the V1 Church Podcast for more life-changing messages.
🌐 Learn more about V1 Church at www.v1.church
📲 Give to support this ministry: https://donate.overflow.co/v1
Mentioned in this episode:
BREAKERS CONFERENCE
BREAKERS CONFERENCE is a movement of warriors contending for revival to come to our cities, freedom to break out in our circles, and salvation to sweep through our regions. Throughout history we’ve seen God move mightily when believers come together and we are lifting up our voices to the Lord to ask "Do It Again". Will you answer the call to stand in a seat and ask God to break open the heavens?
Partner with V1 - Join the movement and give!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:07):
So I just want to welcome ourfamily today.
Today we are going to behaving a family talk.
Is that okay?
Can we have a family talk today?
And so what?
How many of you were blessedby last week's sermon?
Shattered Faith or ShatteredDreams, Unshaken Faith?
I forgot the title.
(00:30):
And so last week I spoke aboutShattered Dreams, Unshaken Faith.
And we're continuing with ourseries Unbroken Healing Minds and
Mending Hearts.
And so the biggest prayer thatI had for all of our campuses was,
and all of our people, all ofyou beautiful people, that God was
(00:51):
able to mend your hearts.
And I shared personal tea andeverybody loved it.
But just so that way you allowGod to mend your heart and face some
of the things that you werefaced with or are facing.
And one of the things that Isaw on Monday night, Free Women Collective
(01:11):
Bible study, which I love.
Let's give it up for our Free Women.
Some of our New Jersey people,I think Serena, they had done the
Bible study.
And so there was somethingthat blessed me when I watched that.
And she said, you know, itmade me think and sit with, where
am I in some of the things inmy life?
(01:31):
With the divorce of her parents.
And she's like, where am I in this?
Is there forgiveness?
Am I free from it?
And so that's about mending hearts.
That's what it's about.
And so as we continue in thisseries, we're having this conversation,
and it's a needed one.
And if you can title thisconversation, it's negative self
(01:54):
talk.
How many of us in our church,in this world are dealing with negative
self talk?
And so, you know, those innervoices say, you're not good enough.
You're a failure.
Oh, you're so stupid.
How many of us even take that?
Oh, I'm so stupid and Ishouldn't have done it.
(02:14):
And that's negative self talk.
And so what we want to do iswe want to talk about how not only
is negative self talk a mentalthing, it is also a spiritual thing.
And so the enemy is called thefather of lies.
And he lies to us.
He whispers into our mindsdifferent lies, and then we accept
(02:38):
them and come into agreementwith them so many times.
But Jesus came to free us in truth.
And so John 8:32 says, and youwill know the truth and.
And the truth will set you free.
And so today it's aboutpulling those lies into the light
(02:59):
and replacing them with God's truth.
And so what God says about us,and I am here on this panel with
these amazing, talented Spiritfilled mental health counselors,
teachers, whatever it is thatyou're doing.
And so I just want, I'm justblessed to have them here today to
(03:22):
be able to pour out.
And so if you can pleaseintroduce yourself and tell us your
role here at the church andalso your role outside.
Hello, everyone.
My name is Randall Duberval.
Everyone watching onlineeverywhere that you're watching.
I am the campus pastor of V1New Jersey, alongside with my wife,
Pastor Mary.
(03:42):
And I'm also something thatmany of you may not know.
I'm also a licensed mentalhealth counseling intern as of right
now.
And so I'm headed on that direction.
Awesome.
We love you, Pastor Randall.
I'm Alison Barris Bushing.
I'm from the Long islandcampus and I'm a licensed mental
(04:06):
health counselor in privatepractice on Long Island.
And currently I'm not servingin the church too much because I'm
at home serving my family.
But I'm so blessed to be here today.
So thank you.
Good morning, everyone.
I'm Christy Gomez and I'm herefrom Brooklyn.
Oh, yeah.
I serve as a ground crew leadfor the kids ministry.
(04:29):
I'm a licensed marriage andfamily therapist.
I'm also training tobiblically counsel.
And I'm a mom to two boys anda wife to one, which is one of my
favorite things.
So, yeah, and here we are.
Here we are.
Thank you so much for beinghere and for being willing to pour
(04:50):
out.
Cause we are all day club today.
We're gonna be in Manhattantonight as well.
And so one of the things thatI told them when I reached out to
them of like just being a partof this, I was like, hey, the commitment
is to do all day.
Are you committed to it?
And there was like, no doubtabout it.
They were like, we're here,we're with it.
And we're just so thankful forour apostle Mike and Julie Signorelli.
(05:13):
Let's just give it up for them.
We're thankful for them andtheir hearts are just to see people
free.
And that's why our series iscalled Unbroken.
Because we're gonna all walkout of here unbroken Today.
There's gonna be a new thingdeposited in us and we're not gonna
have negative self talk nomatter what was spoken over us.
So let's pray.
(05:33):
Father, as we get into yourword, as we get into practicals,
as we tear down lies andstrongholds that are lies that we
believe to be true, Father, Ipray in the name of Jesus that people
will walk out of each campus,Lord, even in Their living rooms,
that they will be set free,that we will know the truth.
(05:56):
And the truth is who you are,God, that the blood tears down strongholds,
that the blood covers sin,that the blood frees.
And so, Father, we thank youfor the blood of Jesus that sets
us free.
We thank you for the truththat sets us free today.
In Jesus mighty name.
(06:17):
Then the church said, Amen.
Okay, so the first step tohealing is awareness.
And how many times do you knowthat you're not aware?
Or people, like, come to youand be like, hey, I don't know if
you're aware of this, but yourzipper's open, right?
Like, you gotta make sure thatyour zipper's closed.
And you have to be aware, right?
(06:37):
You don't know what you don't know.
And so awareness is somethingthat we all need in our life, especially
when it's emotional andspiritual, right?
We need awareness.
And there are sometimes thereare things that we don't know about
ourselves that we come to learn.
And as God reveals it to us.
(06:58):
And so as we go into thisnegative self talk, we wanna make
you aware.
And so they're gonna shareabout different things of things
that they've become aware ofin their life.
And we're gonna talk aboutpracticals and how we practically
do that.
And so we don't name the lie.
(07:19):
If we don't name the lie, wecan't replace it with truth.
And so you don't heal what youcan't reveal.
And so Psalm 139 says, Searchme, O God, and try me and know my
thoughts and see if there beany grievous way in me and lead me
(07:42):
in the way of everlasting.
He says, try me.
How many of you know that?
That's a phrase that we useright now.
Try me.
He's like, God, try me.
Search my heart.
And that's what we need to bereal with God and tell the truth
with God.
Of like, hey, I'm feeling this way.
Try me, God, search my heart.
And so one of the things,first questions that I want to ask
(08:05):
you guys, and we can pass themic along, what does negative self
talk look like for you?
What does it sound like inyour own life?
And how does it affect youemotionally and spiritually?
Am I going first?
All right, so what it lookslike to me, and I've shared this
(08:26):
before, but when I had mysecond child, it was tough because
I excelled in a lot of things.
But then when it came tomotherhood, it was something that
wasn't easy for me.
It wasn't something that was natural.
I actually saw my husbandnaturally take to fatherhood, and
I was questioning if there wassomething wrong with me, like, why
(08:46):
am I not taking to this so easily?
So it was something that Ireally had to work at.
But as a therapist, I've readall the books, right?
I was giving therapy topeople, helping people with their
own kids.
But it was all theoretical, right?
It was all in my mind.
But when it was time for me toactually apply it, it was hard.
And then I started shamingmyself, condemning myself.
(09:07):
And those were the lies thatwere creeping up to the point that
it got so toxic that I didstart thinking that it was better,
that my kids were better offwithout me, right?
That's how deep it was and howtoxic it got to the point that I
even had those intentions andthose thoughts.
And I had to go through aprocess of deep healing for the Lord
to show me that it's not whatI do that I find my identity in,
(09:31):
right?
Or how I show up inmotherhood, that motherhood is not
something to master, butsomething to surrender to.
And as I learned that, Ilearned how to surrender to him and
give it all to him and allowhim to do the healing.
And I remember even tellingGod, I'm like, I have a broken heart.
God, my heart is broken.
But it took all those negativethoughts to compound and to get to
(09:53):
that place where I was sobroken that it almost harmed me and
my family long term.
So if you could give us an example.
So I'm going to do, like, alittle role play.
Okay?
If you could give us what weresome of the lies when you said you
were shaming yourself, right?
What were some of the shamefulthoughts that you were speaking over
(10:16):
yourself?
And right now you can go backto that old Christy.
What would you say to her?
So some of the things that Iwould say is that I'm not good at
this, right?
I'm gonna harm my children, right?
I did struggle with anger.
So it was something that I'mlike, what will this do to my kids
(10:38):
if I just continue to operatethis way?
And I thought I was like,okay, if I'm not here, my mom got
them, my husband got it.
But now I can go and say,like, you know, knowing my identity
in Christ and getting closerto him, there's a gentleness that
he has shown me that now I canshow my children.
So I would tell her, like, youknow, just continue working, going
(11:02):
through that process, and, youknow, God will pull you out.
Because when I got to that.
To that darkness, it was like.
I think it was like two monthsbefore I got saved.
God pulled me out.
And that peace that I felt inthat instant has carried through
until this day that whenthings are hard in my motherhood
or even in my marriage, I cango to God.
(11:23):
And I say, God, just fill mewith your gentleness.
And those thoughts, even ifthey try to creep up, like, you know,
you're failing, it's like,well, I do fall short.
So God covers me where I fail,and I remember, and I tell God.
I was like, God, just fill thegap where I can feel it.
And I know you have mychildren, and I know that they will
be fine, and.
(11:43):
And I just start declaringthat and speaking that.
Amen.
Okay.
Yes, go ahead, Pastor Randall.
(12:57):
Just.
I just wanted to, like, evenpiggyback off of that.
You said something about,master what I can't master, Like,
I had to learn to surrender instead.
And I'm thinking about, like,how your whole life, it's all connected,
it's all interconnected,because just as when you didn't think
(13:17):
that you would be a goodmother to your children, I have four
boys, for those of you thatdon't know.
And I'm not having any other children.
Don't ask me, where's the girl?
Leave my wife alone.
Don't ask her.
All right, but there's amoment where, with my very last son,
(13:39):
Asher, I thought that I wasgonna have a girl.
I was like, all right, God,this is it.
You know?
You gave me three boys.
Good job.
You know, you're funny.
I get it.
I always wanted a girl.
And I remember those moments.
And I said it was to the pointwhere when my son was about to be
born, and I said, when my wifewas pregnant, I said, hey, I don't
(14:00):
want to know the sex.
But she wanted to.
So she went to the doctor,found out, and she didn't share with
me for the whole day.
And then at the end of theday, she shared it with me, and she
said, hey, we're gonna have a son.
I was like, you're joking.
Stop.
Like, it can't be.
Like, I got.
I got the clothes ready.
I've got everything ready.
(14:20):
Because I wanted a daughter so badly.
And I remember when she toldme that, and she's like, no, I'm
serious.
And I was like, man, God, whathave I done?
Like, what have I done todeserve this?
Like, and.
And it's not that I don't lovemy boys.
Don't get me wrong.
It's just That I wanted something.
How many of us, like, we wantsomething and then we're asking God
(14:42):
for that thing.
And when he doesn't provideit, you start thinking to yourself,
like, it's me.
And here's what I, when I saidit's all connected is because you
gotta understand, like me whenI was younger, I struggled with pornography.
So for me, all these thoughtsstarted to play back and I was like,
God, and this is.
I'm a scientific thinker andall of that.
(15:03):
So I was like, man, Lord.
And I don't know how deep Ican go, but I've spilled all of my
X chromosomes.
That's what I thought.
It's funny.
But it's also like, this ishow the enemy plays with you.
And so I thought to myself,man, God, I spilled all my X chromosomes.
(15:23):
I messed up.
It's all me.
I shouldn't have done that, Lord.
But then my wife, in that moment.
And sometimes it is somethingamazing to have a great partner in
your life.
But also for those of you thatdon't have partners in your life,
it's great to have greatpeople around you, right?
It's great to have acounselor, it's great to have a pastor.
(15:45):
It's great to have like aground crew member that you will
walk through in a flight crewor whatever the case may be.
And so in that moment, my wifelooked at me and said, randall, you
have four boys because Godknew that you would raise amazing
men.
And here's where she topped itoff and she said, and what's amazing
(16:06):
is that you're gonna have fouramazing daughters because our children
are gonna have wives andthey're going to be able to pull
in the right woman, the rightthat I'm gonna be able to just say,
hey, you are not just mydaughter in law.
No, you are my daughters.
And so I get that opportunityto raise up four boys and to expel
(16:31):
the lies that the enemy will speak.
And negative self talk doesn'tjust sound like, oh, you're stupid,
you're this.
But it also sounds like, hey,remember that porn that you used
to watch?
Well, this is why you nolonger are.
You're not getting what it isthat you want.
That's a lie from the pit of hell.
God knows what he was doing.
And he used every single experience.
(16:52):
What did he tell Joseph?
Didn't you talk about thatlast week like he told Joseph, I
will you.
I.
What is it?
I.
You know where I'm going.
You don't know where I'm going.
I know it and this is what.
This is what he told Joseph.
That I will use everythingright for my good.
I will use every single thingfor my good.
(17:15):
For his good.
Not your good, but for his good.
And I promise you, I promiseyou online, I promise you, like Long
Island.
I promise you Brooklyn, NewJersey, that God's good is so much
better than what you think is good.
It's so much greater than that.
(17:35):
So powerful and so good.
You know, I was thinking abouthow you.
Before you talked about theexquisite chromosomes.
And I'm like, why did he wanta daughter so badly?
And I wondered.
And tell me if I'm like, off or.
It's somewhat.
Did you want a daughterbecause you were able to, like, speak
tenderly and softly and youwanted that and not.
(17:58):
I'm not realizing that you canstill do that with your sons.
All right, let me sit down formy counseling session.
No, that's so right.
Cause I had a father who spokevery, like, was tough on me.
I remember specifically, andI'm not gonna take too long, but
(18:19):
I remember specifically, therewas this verb.
There was this book, thisgrammar book that my dad on Saturdays
would have me, like, read.
I'm talking about textbook.
And it's not a book.
Like, you know, it wasn't TomSawyer, right?
It was a grammar book calledall in One White book with green
(18:41):
letters.
You could tell the trauma, right?
And.
And I remember learning my pronouns.
I remember learning my.
My verbs.
I remember that a noun was a.
A thing, a place.
And I remember I could.
If I.
If I really think back, Icould remember what page that was
on.
And.
And my father was tough on me.
(19:02):
And.
And I. I said to myself, I'llnever be like that with my children.
And so I guess I never thoughtabout it that way, but it was the
idea of expecting that Iwasn't going to be this masculine
man, right?
Like that.
And thinking that masculinitylooked like authority in the sense
(19:26):
of yelling and pouring downand being tough on someone.
And.
But then I was like, you know what?
But my son will need that.
But I won't give them that.
But my daughter won't need that.
She'll just basically need my love.
She'll need me to hold her inmy arms and hold her.
Yeah, to hold her in my armsand all these things.
(19:47):
But then again, like, I do thesame thing with my sons.
I'm able to hold my sons.
As a matter of fact, there'stimes where my sons will come to
me and they'll be like, hold me.
The most precious Moment.
I'll give up the mic.
I'm so sorry.
But the most precious momentin my summer, this, this summer was
where I, my, my sons havethree, two, two bunk, a bunk bed,
(20:08):
and then this pull out bed underneath.
And I was laying on thepullout bed with my, my third son
and then my oldest was on thetop bunk and then he grabbed in and
he's like, man, this is whereall the action is at.
And he jumped in and he wasjust like, he just laid there with
us.
And that was the most amazingmoment with my sons this summer because
(20:34):
it was a moment where Irecognized how important my presence
in their lives is.
And I could do that with adaughter, but I can also do that
with a son.
So you don't need a daughter, Alison.
And interrupt me, PastorJocelyn, if you want to, but I just
(20:56):
wanna respond to both of youbecause I'm so grateful for your
vulnerability.
And, you know, vulnerability,that's a gift we have as the body
of Christ.
And you know, even if you areonline, whoever you're sitting in
a room with right now, someonenext to you on the couch, someone
in your revival home, whateverlocation you're at, you know, the
(21:18):
people around you are so important.
Because when we can confess toone another, not both our sin, but
also the lies that we'rethinking, that is what breaks the
power of those lies in ourlives and allows us to begin transforming
our mind.
Because sometimes we don'teven notice.
(21:40):
Like you said in thebeginning, Pastor Jocelyn, you don't
know what you don't know.
So sometimes you might bespeaking and you don't even realize
you're speaking words of self hate.
But maybe your kid overhearsyou or your spouse or your friend.
And then we become aware.
And sometimes those lies arethings that maybe, you know, the
(22:00):
narrative that we heard as achild, the way that we were spoken
to, that becomes our inner narrative.
And many times we have tobecome aware of that.
Forgive those people who spokethose hateful words or even just
words that didn't acknowledgeour existence or didn't make us feel
(22:22):
that we were important orseen, you know, but when we share
with one another, we alsobreak that lie that we're isolated.
And that is a lie of the enemy.
You are not alone.
You are not alone with yournegative thoughts.
Your brothers and sisters arestruggling too.
(22:43):
And together we can encourageeach other.
You know, I love in the who'sdoing the daily Growth Journal, I
love that on every page itsays, who can you encourage today?
And this is a way, as a bodyof Christ, that we can break that
bond of.
That bondage of negative selftalk is send encouragement to your
(23:04):
brother or sister, to yourfriend, Especially if, you know,
they struggle with a certainthing, like in their own mind, like
they're not worthy or theydon't like something about themselves,
or send them encouragement.
Anyway, that's what I got.
I love that.
And I wanna bring that to thenext question.
If you could answer it, Alison.
(23:26):
So John 10:10 says, the thiefcomes to not only steal and kill
and destroy.
And then Jesus says, I came togive life and life more abundantly.
And so Satan speaks lies.
And it often is disguised inour own voice.
And they feel really familiar.
(23:46):
And so it's when God is.
Or when you could think abouthow that negative self talk comes
in a form of quiet lies.
What are some of the commonthings or the common lies that people
believe about themselves thatkeep them stuck?
(24:07):
That's a really good question.
I think people have lies abouttheir identity, you know, that they're
not worthy, they're not goodenough, they're not lovable.
Nobody likes me.
I'm not good at anything.
Other people are talented, butI don't have those kind of talents.
And a lot of this comes fromthese ideas that our culture, our
(24:30):
education system, oursurroundings teach us about, you
know, Darwinianism ordetermine determinism that says,
you are who you are, you wereborn that way, and there's nothing
you can do about it, you know,or the opposite.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s.
You're a special snowflake.
(24:52):
Anything you want to do, youcan do.
And then the problem with thatis you start to try to do something,
it doesn't work out, and,well, now I'm a failure.
What does that mean about me?
If I was a special snowflakewho could do anything, and then I
can't.
I'm defective, you know, so.
And none of those things arewhat God says about us.
(25:16):
Was there any moment in yourlife that you felt stuck?
Put me on the spot, Pastor.
Okay.
When did I feel put on the spot?
Right now.
No, you know, I. I strugglewith anxiety and my anxiety, you
(25:41):
know, I'm gonna give anexample of even a few weeks ago,
I had a guest came into town,and they were supposed to stay with
me.
And I had a plan of I wasgonna be the best host and there
was gonna be a beautifulflower, and I wrote a note and it
was gonna.
And I had this whole idea ofwho I was as the host and as the
(26:03):
day was going on.
I started getting increasinglyanxious because my husband was working
in the area that our guest wassupposed to stay.
And I started feeling this.
I'm getting very emotional.
I started feeling this feelinglike, I can't do this.
I'm not gonna be able to havethis ready in time.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm failing her as a host.
(26:24):
I'm failing as a friend.
This is a spiritual gift,hospitality, and I can't even do
it.
And I literally texted myfriends, you can testify.
The friends who are listening.
And I said, I feel like a failure.
I'm sorry, I can't host you.
And it was the day of thatthey were supposed to stay with me.
(26:45):
And I was so.
And I was.
I felt so shameful that myanxiety got in the way of me being
able to just, like, push pastwhat was happening and allow my friend
to come.
But the incredible thing wasshe responded by saying, thank you
for being so vulnerable.
It helps me when you are ableto say how you feel, because then
(27:10):
if I'm going throughsomething, I know I can reach out
to you and tell you what'shappening with me.
Look how God flipped thatthing, right?
Our own struggle releasessomebody else.
That's so good.
And I just hear you saying,like, your expectation didn't match
(27:30):
up with what you were able to deliver.
And how many times do we havenegative self thoughts because we
have this expectation and itdoesn't meet up with it, and then
we're just like, we're failing.
We're this, we're that.
And I love that you.
That you even use that as anexample that that person was able
to know, oh, it has notnothing to do with me, but everything
(27:53):
to do with you.
And not like a dis.
But just, like, for her tounderstand what you were going through.
Pastor Randall, do you haveanything you want to add to how you
see people stay stuck?
You're a pastor.
You bring people throughfinancial breakthrough so many times.
And, like, what are some ofthe lies that people feel?
(28:13):
Stuck.
Yeah, I. I will say, I thinkit's more so about where are the
lies coming from?
We.
Yesterday, I was doing my.
I was getting my hair cutbecause I knew I was going to be
in front of all of y', all,and I was like, I got to look pretty
good.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(28:34):
Appreciate that.
He said, looking fresh, by the way.
I know you guys agree too.
All right, let me stop just joking.
But I was getting my hair cut,and the barber with me that was cutting
my hair, she said, to me, shesaid, you know, can you believe that
(28:55):
I've never been to jail?
I mean, it wasn't random.
It was a conversation we were having.
And then she said that.
She's like, you know, I'venever been to prison.
There's so many people thathave been to prison.
And I'm like, who do you know?
Like, I mean, I get it.
There are a lot of people, right?
But the fact that you feltlike you were normal for.
(29:18):
Not like, that's somethingthat you can share with someone and
say, hey, I've never been there.
The question I had in my mindwas, who do you know?
And that's really the questionthat I would say is that we have
to ask ourselves is, is who?
Like, who told you that?
Or what did you see growing up?
(29:40):
Or who do you know that alignswith the thought that you have?
You know, social media willconstantly make you feel like you're
not living up to the expectation.
But whose expectation?
I remember, like, going.
Coming to V1.
And every time I'd come tochurch, I'd be like, I'd leave church
(30:03):
feeling like, all right, I got it.
I know what I gotta do.
I just gotta listen to thisword maybe on repeat or whatever,
or go through this scripture,and I'm good.
Then Apostle Mike would dropanother word and I'd be like, oh,
my God.
Okay, here's something else.
And then I'd come back, like,three years later.
I'm like, oh, my God, like,when am I gonna get it?
(30:24):
And the thing I had to do wasswitch my perspective.
Perspective and say to myself,randall, you will never arrive.
Stop thinking you will arriveto someplace.
Like, the arrival comes whenyou make it to heaven.
And you no longer have tofigure, like, life out.
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You no longer have to figurethis thing out.
And when we change ourperspective, then we begin to stop
living to certain expectationsof our past.
Of my father, who was tryingto teach me, you know, all the grammar
and everything.
And I love my father, and he'staught me some great things.
And he taught me based off ofhis own experience.
(31:09):
He, in his mind, he was like,son, my dad wasn't educated.
I got educated.
So you're going to beeducated, right?
And so now.
Now it was like, okay, this isall I'm going to teach you.
But then what happens to thesport phenom that didn't make it
to.
To.
To become the NBA or NFLplayer that he was going to become?
(31:30):
And then now it's like, allright, we're going to go to Every
practice, Son, what's wrongwith you?
Why aren't you doing this?
And it's like, but that placewhere you were supposed to come in
love is now this place whereyou're trying to push this person,
this child or this person, too.
And it's like, what is your expectation?
So the question, the answer isreally is, like, where is your perspective?
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How are you looking at thesituation that you're in?
Like, why do you.
Like, why did you feel like Ihave to be the greatest hospitality
host ever than anyone else?
Is it because you werewatching Better Home and Gardens
like the night before?
You know, hgtv, like, oh, man,I don't have the flower at the middle
of the table with the letterthat invites everyone.
(32:13):
My.
My house doesn't sit.
Smell like baked cookies andwhatnot, you know, and it's.
It's like, what work?
What are you taking in?
So that's really so good.
That's so good.
So oftentimes we feel stuck isbecause we keep looking at our past
way too much, and we arebelieving the lies that people may
(32:34):
have spoken over us, and we'recoming into agreement with it, and
we're like, okay, yes, that iswho I am.
Like, you said that that's whoI am.
I just.
I'm the same snowflake thathas so many different meanings, but
I'm not going to go there.
But I like how what you said.
Pastor Ranzo, who do you know?
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And that brings me to my next question.
And if, Christy, you can takethis one.
Knowing God or knowing who Godis helps us know who we are.
And if you don't know who youare, you need to learn who God is
in your life.
(33:18):
And so we're not defined by failure.
We're not defined by trauma.
We're not defined by comparison.
Hello, somebody?
Comparison.
We're defined by Christ.
So who is Christ?
Mark 1:11 says, and a voicecame from heaven.
(33:39):
You are my beloved son.
With you I am well pleased.
And so God, he spoke this overJesus before he did anything.
And it was identity thatprecedes performance.
And so, Christy, if you couldtell me how your relationship with
(34:02):
God helped you confront andreplace those inner lies.
So just for a little contextbefore I answer that, when I first
joined my first Connect groupthat you led, and I remember sharing
the things that I wasexperiencing, you said, you're going
through an identity crisis.
And I was like, what?
(34:23):
What?
Like, right now, I'm a therapist.
I'm like, oh, this is what I'mexperiencing, experiencing.
And then I just went into myown therapy with my counselor.
I was like, I want to know whoGod is.
Who is He?
Who am I?
Who does he say I am?
And in that process, it waslike a two year process that I was
in counseling, I just got toknow him being faithful, right?
(34:45):
I got to know him being truethat he would not fail me, that he
intercedes, right?
That Jesus, that even when Iwas a sinner and dead in my trespasses,
that he died for me, that hedidn't leave me in that darkness.
And knowing that truth andknowing that he called me, God called
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me to Himself.
It just showed me everythingof who I am.
And I was able to just tellmyself and remind myself that if
the enemy tries to come and,and cause doubt, my faith will submit,
sustain me, that I'll rememberthat God says who I am, that when
he said I am the great I am,he told me who I was in him, right?
(35:27):
So when those doubts come up,I know for a fact, without a shadow
of a doubt that it's not fromGod and that I rebuke it and I resist
the devil and I don't givemyself to him.
Because I do have anintercessor who prays for me, who's
interceding for me, who'sconstantly seeing, saying that I
know your faith will not fail.
(35:48):
And that if I stand on thatand stand firm, I can overcome everything
through Christ who strengthensme, and I'm an overcomer.
And I just cancel all of thosedoubts in the name of Jesus.
I love that so much.
Because, man, when you said, Ihave an intercessor that prays for
me, and that is scripture, butit's also a song, right?
(36:11):
And it has gone throughout theearth and it's so powerful because
how many times do we believethe light?
I need that person to pray forme because that person has an anointing.
And I want to be free from allthese things.
But when we believe who Godis, then we know who we are.
(36:31):
I have an intercessor thatprays for me.
And I'm not going to be siftedby the things of this world.
I'm not going to be.
I'm not going to be caught upin the lies of what was spoken.
Over me when I was little or.
If I struggled reading or if Istruggled comprehension.
I'm not stupid.
I'm not gonna believe those lies.
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I have an intercessor thatprays for me.
Let's stand to our feet acrossall campuses, every living room,
I want you to speak overyourself right now.
Close your eyes.
Put your hand over your heart.
Because that is a place toknow that we're safe.
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And I want you to tellyourself the lie.
I'm too broken to be used by God.
Come on, say it to yourself.
I'm too broken to be used by God.
Many of you thought thatbefore, but here's the truth and
I want you to say it over yourself.
So repeat after me.
God's power is made perfect inmy weakness.
(38:29):
God's power is made perfect inmy weakness.
And so, Father, I declare overeach person today that they are enough
in Christ Jesus.
Your voice matters, yourthoughts matter.
(38:54):
Your life matters.
You belong here.
And God has a plan and apurpose for your life today.
No pain is wasted.
And Father, we pray right nowin the name of Jesus.
We take and we uproot everylie of the enemy that would speak
(39:17):
over them to say that they'renot enough.
And we speak truth.
They are enough.
And you came for their very life.
You came to transform.
You came to give new life.
Where.
Lives have been broken.
(39:37):
You came to bring new life.
And we thank you Jesus for new life.
We thank you Jesus, that youare the rescuer.
You are the rescuer from everypit and every prison that we've ever
been in in the name of Jesus.
So we pray God, that negativeself talk will not be our portion.
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And we take a hold of truth.
We take a hold of truth rightnow in the name of Jesus.
And we pray over our mindsthat it would be renewed every day
and that our hearts wouldalign, that our emotions would align.
What you say in the name of Jesus.
So we thank you Father, foryour truth.
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We thank you God, that yourblood breaks the yoke of bondage,
that your truth comes in andwe could be set free, God.
And your light comes in, OGod, and you pray bring light over
the darkness of the thingsthat we believe in our hearts and
our minds.
And so Father, we pray God,that you would bring freedom, that
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you would set free the mindstoday, that you would mend the hearts
today that are broken.
In the name of Jesus Christ,we pray.
Amen and Amen.
Thank you Jesus.
Let's give God a shout of praise.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you Father.
So I just want to welcome ourfamily today.
Today we are going to behaving a family talk.
Is that okay?
Can we have a family talk today?
And so what?
How many of you were blessedby last week's sermon?
Shattered Faith or ShatteredDreams, Unshaken Faith?
I forgot the title.
(00:30):
And so last week I spoke aboutShattered Dreams, Unshaken Faith.
And we're continuing with ourseries Unbroken Healing Minds and
Mending Hearts.
And so the biggest prayer thatI had for all of our campuses was,
and all of our people, all ofyou beautiful people, that God was
(00:51):
able to mend your hearts.
And I shared personal tea andeverybody loved it.
But just so that way you allowGod to mend your heart and face some
of the things that you werefaced with or are facing.
And one of the things that Isaw on Monday night, Free Women Collective
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Bible study, which I love.
Let's give it up for our Free Women.
Some of our New Jersey people,I think Serena, they had done the
Bible study.
And so there was somethingthat blessed me when I watched that.
And she said, you know, itmade me think and sit with, where
am I in some of the things inmy life?
(01:31):
With the divorce of her parents.
And she's like, where am I in this?
Is there forgiveness?
Am I free from it?
And so that's about mending hearts.
That's what it's about.
And so as we continue in thisseries, we're having this conversation,
and it's a needed one.
And if you can title thisconversation, it's negative self
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talk.
How many of us in our church,in this world are dealing with negative
self talk?
And so, you know, those innervoices say, you're not good enough.
You're a failure.
Oh, you're so stupid.
How many of us even take that?
Oh, I'm so stupid and Ishouldn't have done it.
(02:14):
And that's negative self talk.
And so what we want to do iswe want to talk about how not only
is negative self talk a mentalthing, it is also a spiritual thing.
And so the enemy is called thefather of lies.
And he lies to us.
He whispers into our mindsdifferent lies, and then we accept
(02:38):
them and come into agreementwith them so many times.
But Jesus came to free us in truth.
And so John 8:32 says, and youwill know the truth and.
And the truth will set you free.
And so today it's aboutpulling those lies into the light
(02:59):
and replacing them with God's truth.
And so what God says about us,and I am here on this panel with
these amazing, talented Spiritfilled mental health counselors,
teachers, whatever it is thatyou're doing.
And so I just want, I'm justblessed to have them here today to
(03:22):
be able to pour out.
And so if you can pleaseintroduce yourself and tell us your
role here at the church andalso your role outside.
Hello, everyone.
My name is Randall Duberval.
Everyone watching onlineeverywhere that you're watching.
I am the campus pastor of V1New Jersey, alongside with my wife,
Pastor Mary.
(03:42):
And I'm also something thatmany of you may not know.
I'm also a licensed mentalhealth counseling intern as of right
now.
And so I'm headed on that direction.
Awesome.
We love you, Pastor Randall.
I'm Alison Barris Bushing.
I'm from the Long islandcampus and I'm a licensed mental
(04:06):
health counselor in privatepractice on Long Island.
And currently I'm not servingin the church too much because I'm
at home serving my family.
But I'm so blessed to be here today.
So thank you.
Good morning, everyone.
I'm Christy Gomez and I'm herefrom Brooklyn.
Oh, yeah.
I serve as a ground crew leadfor the kids ministry.
(04:29):
I'm a licensed marriage andfamily therapist.
I'm also training tobiblically counsel.
And I'm a mom to two boys anda wife to one, which is one of my
favorite things.
So, yeah, and here we are.
Here we are.
Thank you so much for beinghere and for being willing to pour
(04:50):
out.
Cause we are all day club today.
We're gonna be in Manhattantonight as well.
And so one of the things thatI told them when I reached out to
them of like just being a partof this, I was like, hey, the commitment
is to do all day.
Are you committed to it?
And there was like, no doubtabout it.
They were like, we're here,we're with it.
And we're just so thankful forour apostle Mike and Julie Signorelli.
(05:13):
Let's just give it up for them.
We're thankful for them andtheir hearts are just to see people
free.
And that's why our series iscalled Unbroken.
Because we're gonna all walkout of here unbroken Today.
There's gonna be a new thingdeposited in us and we're not gonna
have negative self talk nomatter what was spoken over us.
So let's pray.
(05:33):
Father, as we get into yourword, as we get into practicals,
as we tear down lies andstrongholds that are lies that we
believe to be true, Father, Ipray in the name of Jesus that people
will walk out of each campus,Lord, even in Their living rooms,
that they will be set free,that we will know the truth.
(05:56):
And the truth is who you are,God, that the blood tears down strongholds,
that the blood covers sin,that the blood frees.
And so, Father, we thank youfor the blood of Jesus that sets
us free.
We thank you for the truththat sets us free today.
In Jesus mighty name.
(06:17):
Then the church said, Amen.
Okay, so the first step tohealing is awareness.
And how many times do you knowthat you're not aware?
Or people, like, come to youand be like, hey, I don't know if
you're aware of this, but yourzipper's open, right?
Like, you gotta make sure thatyour zipper's closed.
And you have to be aware, right?
(06:37):
You don't know what you don't know.
And so awareness is somethingthat we all need in our life, especially
when it's emotional andspiritual, right?
We need awareness.
And there are sometimes thereare things that we don't know about
ourselves that we come to learn.
And as God reveals it to us.
(06:58):
And so as we go into thisnegative self talk, we wanna make
you aware.
And so they're gonna shareabout different things of things
that they've become aware ofin their life.
And we're gonna talk aboutpracticals and how we practically
do that.
And so we don't name the lie.
(07:19):
If we don't name the lie, wecan't replace it with truth.
And so you don't heal what youcan't reveal.
And so Psalm 139 says, Searchme, O God, and try me and know my
thoughts and see if there beany grievous way in me and lead me
(07:42):
in the way of everlasting.
He says, try me.
How many of you know that?
That's a phrase that we useright now.
Try me.
He's like, God, try me.
Search my heart.
And that's what we need to bereal with God and tell the truth
with God.
Of like, hey, I'm feeling this way.
Try me, God, search my heart.
And so one of the things,first questions that I want to ask
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you guys, and we can pass themic along, what does negative self
talk look like for you?
What does it sound like inyour own life?
And how does it affect youemotionally and spiritually?
Am I going first?
All right, so what it lookslike to me, and I've shared this
(08:26):
before, but when I had mysecond child, it was tough because
I excelled in a lot of things.
But then when it came tomotherhood, it was something that
wasn't easy for me.
It wasn't something that was natural.
I actually saw my husbandnaturally take to fatherhood, and
I was questioning if there wassomething wrong with me, like, why
(08:46):
am I not taking to this so easily?
So it was something that Ireally had to work at.
But as a therapist, I've readall the books, right?
I was giving therapy topeople, helping people with their
own kids.
But it was all theoretical, right?
It was all in my mind.
But when it was time for me toactually apply it, it was hard.
And then I started shamingmyself, condemning myself.
(09:07):
And those were the lies thatwere creeping up to the point that
it got so toxic that I didstart thinking that it was better,
that my kids were better offwithout me, right?
That's how deep it was and howtoxic it got to the point that I
even had those intentions andthose thoughts.
And I had to go through aprocess of deep healing for the Lord
to show me that it's not whatI do that I find my identity in,
(09:31):
right?
Or how I show up inmotherhood, that motherhood is not
something to master, butsomething to surrender to.
And as I learned that, Ilearned how to surrender to him and
give it all to him and allowhim to do the healing.
And I remember even tellingGod, I'm like, I have a broken heart.
God, my heart is broken.
But it took all those negativethoughts to compound and to get to
(09:53):
that place where I was sobroken that it almost harmed me and
my family long term.
So if you could give us an example.
So I'm going to do, like, alittle role play.
Okay?
If you could give us what weresome of the lies when you said you
were shaming yourself, right?
What were some of the shamefulthoughts that you were speaking over
(10:16):
yourself?
And right now you can go backto that old Christy.
What would you say to her?
So some of the things that Iwould say is that I'm not good at
this, right?
I'm gonna harm my children, right?
I did struggle with anger.
So it was something that I'mlike, what will this do to my kids
(10:38):
if I just continue to operatethis way?
And I thought I was like,okay, if I'm not here, my mom got
them, my husband got it.
But now I can go and say,like, you know, knowing my identity
in Christ and getting closerto him, there's a gentleness that
he has shown me that now I canshow my children.
So I would tell her, like, youknow, just continue working, going
(11:02):
through that process, and, youknow, God will pull you out.
Because when I got to that.
To that darkness, it was like.
I think it was like two monthsbefore I got saved.
God pulled me out.
And that peace that I felt inthat instant has carried through
until this day that whenthings are hard in my motherhood
or even in my marriage, I cango to God.
(11:23):
And I say, God, just fill mewith your gentleness.
And those thoughts, even ifthey try to creep up, like, you know,
you're failing, it's like,well, I do fall short.
So God covers me where I fail,and I remember, and I tell God.
I was like, God, just fill thegap where I can feel it.
And I know you have mychildren, and I know that they will
be fine, and.
(11:43):
And I just start declaringthat and speaking that.
Amen.
Okay.
Yes, go ahead, Pastor Randall.
(12:57):
Just.
I just wanted to, like, evenpiggyback off of that.
You said something about,master what I can't master, Like,
I had to learn to surrender instead.
And I'm thinking about, like,how your whole life, it's all connected,
it's all interconnected,because just as when you didn't think
(13:17):
that you would be a goodmother to your children, I have four
boys, for those of you thatdon't know.
And I'm not having any other children.
Don't ask me, where's the girl?
Leave my wife alone.
Don't ask her.
All right, but there's amoment where, with my very last son,
(13:39):
Asher, I thought that I wasgonna have a girl.
I was like, all right, God,this is it.
You know?
You gave me three boys.
Good job.
You know, you're funny.
I get it.
I always wanted a girl.
And I remember those moments.
And I said it was to the pointwhere when my son was about to be
born, and I said, when my wifewas pregnant, I said, hey, I don't
(14:00):
want to know the sex.
But she wanted to.
So she went to the doctor,found out, and she didn't share with
me for the whole day.
And then at the end of theday, she shared it with me, and she
said, hey, we're gonna have a son.
I was like, you're joking.
Stop.
Like, it can't be.
Like, I got.
I got the clothes ready.
I've got everything ready.
(14:20):
Because I wanted a daughter so badly.
And I remember when she toldme that, and she's like, no, I'm
serious.
And I was like, man, God, whathave I done?
Like, what have I done todeserve this?
Like, and.
And it's not that I don't lovemy boys.
Don't get me wrong.
It's just That I wanted something.
How many of us, like, we wantsomething and then we're asking God
(14:42):
for that thing.
And when he doesn't provideit, you start thinking to yourself,
like, it's me.
And here's what I, when I saidit's all connected is because you
gotta understand, like me whenI was younger, I struggled with pornography.
So for me, all these thoughtsstarted to play back and I was like,
God, and this is.
I'm a scientific thinker andall of that.
(15:03):
So I was like, man, Lord.
And I don't know how deep Ican go, but I've spilled all of my
X chromosomes.
That's what I thought.
It's funny.
But it's also like, this ishow the enemy plays with you.
And so I thought to myself,man, God, I spilled all my X chromosomes.
(15:23):
I messed up.
It's all me.
I shouldn't have done that, Lord.
But then my wife, in that moment.
And sometimes it is somethingamazing to have a great partner in
your life.
But also for those of you thatdon't have partners in your life,
it's great to have greatpeople around you, right?
It's great to have acounselor, it's great to have a pastor.
(15:45):
It's great to have like aground crew member that you will
walk through in a flight crewor whatever the case may be.
And so in that moment, my wifelooked at me and said, randall, you
have four boys because Godknew that you would raise amazing
men.
And here's where she topped itoff and she said, and what's amazing
(16:06):
is that you're gonna have fouramazing daughters because our children
are gonna have wives andthey're going to be able to pull
in the right woman, the rightthat I'm gonna be able to just say,
hey, you are not just mydaughter in law.
No, you are my daughters.
And so I get that opportunityto raise up four boys and to expel
(16:31):
the lies that the enemy will speak.
And negative self talk doesn'tjust sound like, oh, you're stupid,
you're this.
But it also sounds like, hey,remember that porn that you used
to watch?
Well, this is why you nolonger are.
You're not getting what it isthat you want.
That's a lie from the pit of hell.
God knows what he was doing.
And he used every single experience.
(16:52):
What did he tell Joseph?
Didn't you talk about thatlast week like he told Joseph, I
will you.
I.
What is it?
I.
You know where I'm going.
You don't know where I'm going.
I know it and this is what.
This is what he told Joseph.
That I will use everythingright for my good.
I will use every single thingfor my good.
(17:15):
For his good.
Not your good, but for his good.
And I promise you, I promiseyou online, I promise you, like Long
Island.
I promise you Brooklyn, NewJersey, that God's good is so much
better than what you think is good.
It's so much greater than that.
(17:35):
So powerful and so good.
You know, I was thinking abouthow you.
Before you talked about theexquisite chromosomes.
And I'm like, why did he wanta daughter so badly?
And I wondered.
And tell me if I'm like, off or.
It's somewhat.
Did you want a daughterbecause you were able to, like, speak
tenderly and softly and youwanted that and not.
(17:58):
I'm not realizing that you canstill do that with your sons.
All right, let me sit down formy counseling session.
No, that's so right.
Cause I had a father who spokevery, like, was tough on me.
I remember specifically, andI'm not gonna take too long, but
(18:19):
I remember specifically, therewas this verb.
There was this book, thisgrammar book that my dad on Saturdays
would have me, like, read.
I'm talking about textbook.
And it's not a book.
Like, you know, it wasn't TomSawyer, right?
It was a grammar book calledall in One White book with green
(18:41):
letters.
You could tell the trauma, right?
And.
And I remember learning my pronouns.
I remember learning my.
My verbs.
I remember that a noun was a.
A thing, a place.
And I remember I could.
If I.
If I really think back, Icould remember what page that was
on.
And.
And my father was tough on me.
(19:02):
And.
And I. I said to myself, I'llnever be like that with my children.
And so I guess I never thoughtabout it that way, but it was the
idea of expecting that Iwasn't going to be this masculine
man, right?
Like that.
And thinking that masculinitylooked like authority in the sense
(19:26):
of yelling and pouring downand being tough on someone.
And.
But then I was like, you know what?
But my son will need that.
But I won't give them that.
But my daughter won't need that.
She'll just basically need my love.
She'll need me to hold her inmy arms and hold her.
Yeah, to hold her in my armsand all these things.
(19:47):
But then again, like, I do thesame thing with my sons.
I'm able to hold my sons.
As a matter of fact, there'stimes where my sons will come to
me and they'll be like, hold me.
The most precious Moment.
I'll give up the mic.
I'm so sorry.
But the most precious momentin my summer, this, this summer was
where I, my, my sons havethree, two, two bunk, a bunk bed,
(20:08):
and then this pull out bed underneath.
And I was laying on thepullout bed with my, my third son
and then my oldest was on thetop bunk and then he grabbed in and
he's like, man, this is whereall the action is at.
And he jumped in and he wasjust like, he just laid there with
us.
And that was the most amazingmoment with my sons this summer because
(20:34):
it was a moment where Irecognized how important my presence
in their lives is.
And I could do that with adaughter, but I can also do that
with a son.
So you don't need a daughter, Alison.
And interrupt me, PastorJocelyn, if you want to, but I just
(20:56):
wanna respond to both of youbecause I'm so grateful for your
vulnerability.
And, you know, vulnerability,that's a gift we have as the body
of Christ.
And you know, even if you areonline, whoever you're sitting in
a room with right now, someonenext to you on the couch, someone
in your revival home, whateverlocation you're at, you know, the
(21:18):
people around you are so important.
Because when we can confess toone another, not both our sin, but
also the lies that we'rethinking, that is what breaks the
power of those lies in ourlives and allows us to begin transforming
our mind.
Because sometimes we don'teven notice.
(21:40):
Like you said in thebeginning, Pastor Jocelyn, you don't
know what you don't know.
So sometimes you might bespeaking and you don't even realize
you're speaking words of self hate.
But maybe your kid overhearsyou or your spouse or your friend.
And then we become aware.
And sometimes those lies arethings that maybe, you know, the
(22:00):
narrative that we heard as achild, the way that we were spoken
to, that becomes our inner narrative.
And many times we have tobecome aware of that.
Forgive those people who spokethose hateful words or even just
words that didn't acknowledgeour existence or didn't make us feel
(22:22):
that we were important orseen, you know, but when we share
with one another, we alsobreak that lie that we're isolated.
And that is a lie of the enemy.
You are not alone.
You are not alone with yournegative thoughts.
Your brothers and sisters arestruggling too.
(22:43):
And together we can encourageeach other.
You know, I love in the who'sdoing the daily Growth Journal, I
love that on every page itsays, who can you encourage today?
And this is a way, as a bodyof Christ, that we can break that
bond of.
That bondage of negative selftalk is send encouragement to your
(23:04):
brother or sister, to yourfriend, Especially if, you know,
they struggle with a certainthing, like in their own mind, like
they're not worthy or theydon't like something about themselves,
or send them encouragement.
Anyway, that's what I got.
I love that.
And I wanna bring that to thenext question.
If you could answer it, Alison.
(23:26):
So John 10:10 says, the thiefcomes to not only steal and kill
and destroy.
And then Jesus says, I came togive life and life more abundantly.
And so Satan speaks lies.
And it often is disguised inour own voice.
And they feel really familiar.
(23:46):
And so it's when God is.
Or when you could think abouthow that negative self talk comes
in a form of quiet lies.
What are some of the commonthings or the common lies that people
believe about themselves thatkeep them stuck?
(24:07):
That's a really good question.
I think people have lies abouttheir identity, you know, that they're
not worthy, they're not goodenough, they're not lovable.
Nobody likes me.
I'm not good at anything.
Other people are talented, butI don't have those kind of talents.
And a lot of this comes fromthese ideas that our culture, our
(24:30):
education system, oursurroundings teach us about, you
know, Darwinianism ordetermine determinism that says,
you are who you are, you wereborn that way, and there's nothing
you can do about it, you know,or the opposite.
I grew up in the 80s and 90s.
You're a special snowflake.
(24:52):
Anything you want to do, youcan do.
And then the problem with thatis you start to try to do something,
it doesn't work out, and,well, now I'm a failure.
What does that mean about me?
If I was a special snowflakewho could do anything, and then I
can't.
I'm defective, you know, so.
And none of those things arewhat God says about us.
(25:16):
Was there any moment in yourlife that you felt stuck?
Put me on the spot, Pastor.
Okay.
When did I feel put on the spot?
Right now.
No, you know, I. I strugglewith anxiety and my anxiety, you
(25:41):
know, I'm gonna give anexample of even a few weeks ago,
I had a guest came into town,and they were supposed to stay with
me.
And I had a plan of I wasgonna be the best host and there
was gonna be a beautifulflower, and I wrote a note and it
was gonna.
And I had this whole idea ofwho I was as the host and as the
(26:03):
day was going on.
I started getting increasinglyanxious because my husband was working
in the area that our guest wassupposed to stay.
And I started feeling this.
I'm getting very emotional.
I started feeling this feelinglike, I can't do this.
I'm not gonna be able to havethis ready in time.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm failing her as a host.
(26:24):
I'm failing as a friend.
This is a spiritual gift,hospitality, and I can't even do
it.
And I literally texted myfriends, you can testify.
The friends who are listening.
And I said, I feel like a failure.
I'm sorry, I can't host you.
And it was the day of thatthey were supposed to stay with me.
(26:45):
And I was so.
And I was.
I felt so shameful that myanxiety got in the way of me being
able to just, like, push pastwhat was happening and allow my friend
to come.
But the incredible thing wasshe responded by saying, thank you
for being so vulnerable.
It helps me when you are ableto say how you feel, because then
(27:10):
if I'm going throughsomething, I know I can reach out
to you and tell you what'shappening with me.
Look how God flipped thatthing, right?
Our own struggle releasessomebody else.
That's so good.
And I just hear you saying,like, your expectation didn't match
(27:30):
up with what you were able to deliver.
And how many times do we havenegative self thoughts because we
have this expectation and itdoesn't meet up with it, and then
we're just like, we're failing.
We're this, we're that.
And I love that you.
That you even use that as anexample that that person was able
to know, oh, it has notnothing to do with me, but everything
(27:53):
to do with you.
And not like a dis.
But just, like, for her tounderstand what you were going through.
Pastor Randall, do you haveanything you want to add to how you
see people stay stuck?
You're a pastor.
You bring people throughfinancial breakthrough so many times.
And, like, what are some ofthe lies that people feel?
(28:13):
Stuck.
Yeah, I. I will say, I thinkit's more so about where are the
lies coming from?
We.
Yesterday, I was doing my.
I was getting my hair cutbecause I knew I was going to be
in front of all of y', all,and I was like, I got to look pretty
good.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(28:34):
Appreciate that.
He said, looking fresh, by the way.
I know you guys agree too.
All right, let me stop just joking.
But I was getting my hair cut,and the barber with me that was cutting
my hair, she said, to me, shesaid, you know, can you believe that
(28:55):
I've never been to jail?
I mean, it wasn't random.
It was a conversation we were having.
And then she said that.
She's like, you know, I'venever been to prison.
There's so many people thathave been to prison.
And I'm like, who do you know?
Like, I mean, I get it.
There are a lot of people, right?
But the fact that you feltlike you were normal for.
(29:18):
Not like, that's somethingthat you can share with someone and
say, hey, I've never been there.
The question I had in my mindwas, who do you know?
And that's really the questionthat I would say is that we have
to ask ourselves is, is who?
Like, who told you that?
Or what did you see growing up?
(29:40):
Or who do you know that alignswith the thought that you have?
You know, social media willconstantly make you feel like you're
not living up to the expectation.
But whose expectation?
I remember, like, going.
Coming to V1.
And every time I'd come tochurch, I'd be like, I'd leave church
(30:03):
feeling like, all right, I got it.
I know what I gotta do.
I just gotta listen to thisword maybe on repeat or whatever,
or go through this scripture,and I'm good.
Then Apostle Mike would dropanother word and I'd be like, oh,
my God.
Okay, here's something else.
And then I'd come back, like,three years later.
I'm like, oh, my God, like,when am I gonna get it?
(30:24):
And the thing I had to do wasswitch my perspective.
Perspective and say to myself,randall, you will never arrive.
Stop thinking you will arriveto someplace.
Like, the arrival comes whenyou make it to heaven.
And you no longer have tofigure, like, life out.
(30:44):
You no longer have to figurethis thing out.
And when we change ourperspective, then we begin to stop
living to certain expectationsof our past.
Of my father, who was tryingto teach me, you know, all the grammar
and everything.
And I love my father, and he'staught me some great things.
And he taught me based off ofhis own experience.
(31:09):
He, in his mind, he was like,son, my dad wasn't educated.
I got educated.
So you're going to beeducated, right?
And so now.
Now it was like, okay, this isall I'm going to teach you.
But then what happens to thesport phenom that didn't make it
to.
To.
To become the NBA or NFLplayer that he was going to become?
(31:30):
And then now it's like, allright, we're going to go to Every
practice, Son, what's wrongwith you?
Why aren't you doing this?
And it's like, but that placewhere you were supposed to come in
love is now this place whereyou're trying to push this person,
this child or this person, too.
And it's like, what is your expectation?
So the question, the answer isreally is, like, where is your perspective?
(31:50):
How are you looking at thesituation that you're in?
Like, why do you.
Like, why did you feel like Ihave to be the greatest hospitality
host ever than anyone else?
Is it because you werewatching Better Home and Gardens
like the night before?
You know, hgtv, like, oh, man,I don't have the flower at the middle
of the table with the letterthat invites everyone.
(32:13):
My.
My house doesn't sit.
Smell like baked cookies andwhatnot, you know, and it's.
It's like, what work?
What are you taking in?
So that's really so good.
That's so good.
So oftentimes we feel stuck isbecause we keep looking at our past
way too much, and we arebelieving the lies that people may
(32:34):
have spoken over us, and we'recoming into agreement with it, and
we're like, okay, yes, that iswho I am.
Like, you said that that's whoI am.
I just.
I'm the same snowflake thathas so many different meanings, but
I'm not going to go there.
But I like how what you said.
Pastor Ranzo, who do you know?
(32:57):
And that brings me to my next question.
And if, Christy, you can takethis one.
Knowing God or knowing who Godis helps us know who we are.
And if you don't know who youare, you need to learn who God is
in your life.
(33:18):
And so we're not defined by failure.
We're not defined by trauma.
We're not defined by comparison.
Hello, somebody?
Comparison.
We're defined by Christ.
So who is Christ?
Mark 1:11 says, and a voicecame from heaven.
(33:39):
You are my beloved son.
With you I am well pleased.
And so God, he spoke this overJesus before he did anything.
And it was identity thatprecedes performance.
And so, Christy, if you couldtell me how your relationship with
(34:02):
God helped you confront andreplace those inner lies.
So just for a little contextbefore I answer that, when I first
joined my first Connect groupthat you led, and I remember sharing
the things that I wasexperiencing, you said, you're going
through an identity crisis.
And I was like, what?
(34:23):
What?
Like, right now, I'm a therapist.
I'm like, oh, this is what I'mexperiencing, experiencing.
And then I just went into myown therapy with my counselor.
I was like, I want to know whoGod is.
Who is He?
Who am I?
Who does he say I am?
And in that process, it waslike a two year process that I was
in counseling, I just got toknow him being faithful, right?
(34:45):
I got to know him being truethat he would not fail me, that he
intercedes, right?
That Jesus, that even when Iwas a sinner and dead in my trespasses,
that he died for me, that hedidn't leave me in that darkness.
And knowing that truth andknowing that he called me, God called
(35:06):
me to Himself.
It just showed me everythingof who I am.
And I was able to just tellmyself and remind myself that if
the enemy tries to come and,and cause doubt, my faith will submit,
sustain me, that I'll rememberthat God says who I am, that when
he said I am the great I am,he told me who I was in him, right?
(35:27):
So when those doubts come up,I know for a fact, without a shadow
of a doubt that it's not fromGod and that I rebuke it and I resist
the devil and I don't givemyself to him.
Because I do have anintercessor who prays for me, who's
interceding for me, who'sconstantly seeing, saying that I
know your faith will not fail.
(35:48):
And that if I stand on thatand stand firm, I can overcome everything
through Christ who strengthensme, and I'm an overcomer.
And I just cancel all of thosedoubts in the name of Jesus.
I love that so much.
Because, man, when you said, Ihave an intercessor that prays for
me, and that is scripture, butit's also a song, right?
(36:11):
And it has gone throughout theearth and it's so powerful because
how many times do we believethe light?
I need that person to pray forme because that person has an anointing.
And I want to be free from allthese things.
But when we believe who Godis, then we know who we are.
(36:31):
I have an intercessor thatprays for me.
And I'm not going to be siftedby the things of this world.
I'm not going to be.
I'm not going to be caught upin the lies of what was spoken.
Over me when I was little or.
If I struggled reading or if Istruggled comprehension.
I'm not stupid.
I'm not gonna believe those lies.
(36:53):
I have an intercessor thatprays for me.
Let's stand to our feet acrossall campuses, every living room,
I want you to speak overyourself right now.
Close your eyes.
Put your hand over your heart.
Because that is a place toknow that we're safe.
(38:06):
And I want you to tellyourself the lie.
I'm too broken to be used by God.
Come on, say it to yourself.
I'm too broken to be used by God.
Many of you thought thatbefore, but here's the truth and
I want you to say it over yourself.
So repeat after me.
God's power is made perfect inmy weakness.
(38:29):
God's power is made perfect inmy weakness.
And so, Father, I declare overeach person today that they are enough
in Christ Jesus.
Your voice matters, yourthoughts matter.
(38:54):
Your life matters.
You belong here.
And God has a plan and apurpose for your life today.
No pain is wasted.
And Father, we pray right nowin the name of Jesus.
We take and we uproot everylie of the enemy that would speak
(39:17):
over them to say that they'renot enough.
And we speak truth.
They are enough.
And you came for their very life.
You came to transform.
You came to give new life.
Where.
Lives have been broken.
(39:37):
You came to bring new life.
And we thank you Jesus for new life.
We thank you Jesus, that youare the rescuer.
You are the rescuer from everypit and every prison that we've ever
been in in the name of Jesus.
So we pray God, that negativeself talk will not be our portion.
(40:00):
And we take a hold of truth.
We take a hold of truth rightnow in the name of Jesus.
And we pray over our mindsthat it would be renewed every day
and that our hearts wouldalign, that our emotions would align.
What you say in the name of Jesus.
So we thank you Father, foryour truth.
(40:23):
We thank you God, that yourblood breaks the yoke of bondage,
that your truth comes in andwe could be set free, God.
And your light comes in, OGod, and you pray bring light over
the darkness of the thingsthat we believe in our hearts and
our minds.
And so Father, we pray God,that you would bring freedom, that
(40:47):
you would set free the mindstoday, that you would mend the hearts
today that are broken.
In the name of Jesus Christ,we pray.
Amen and Amen.
Thank you Jesus.
Let's give God a shout of praise.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you Father.
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