These days it's not just simple disagreements that keep us from connecting with people we once looked to as close friends, colleagues, or even family. We’ve discovered through political differences that our very morals and convictions--the beliefs that guide us and all we do--are completely opposite from people we once were close to, and it makes the feeling of loss at times unbearable.
We've not only lost the ability to have meaningful conversations with them, where curiosity and a thirst for knowledge fueled the interactions, but the willingness to change and listen to others' perspectives has gone out the window. The viewpoints of some friends and family members have molded into something so pointed and immovable that they drain our capacity to have deeper conversations. These test our relationships, unfortunately sometimes past the breaking point.
It’s hard wanting to converse with people while knowing that they always seem tethered to certain views. A conversation might start on a benign topic and without warning it's redirected to a hot-button, anger-inducing issue. At these times we aren't engaging solely with our friend or family member but also interacting with their ideologies that seem to shadow them at all times. And these ideologies have consequences for not only them but the people they claim to love.
So where do we go from here? How do we move forward and figure out how to co-exist with those we once loved and held dear after their choices have caused so much harm?
My simple advice: love them anyway, but realize that trust and regular access to you doesn’t need to be part of the equation.
It's hard to cut off people whom we've built memories with and shared our lives. But realizing the difference between love and trust is one of the most healing things we can do during this time. Protect your peace and don’t harden your heart, but remember that you are allowed to have boundaries. This is more than political differences. This is about having moral clarity.
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