Why Your Loved One "Doesn't Want Help" and What You Can Actually Control with Ryan Soave - Episode 103

Ryan Soave, LMHC, a renowned addiction treatment specialist with decades of clinical experience and his own recovery story, sits down to share the conversations that typically happen behind closed doors in treatment centers. As someone working on the front lines helping people with addictions and their families daily, Ryan brings both professional expertise and personal understanding to help families move from reactive crisis mode to intentional healing- for everyone involved.

 

Highlights

• The 94.7% Reality - Understanding why most people with addiction don't perceive they need help, and how this statistic actually explains the resistance you're experiencing (it's not about you or your efforts)

• Motivational Interviewing for Families - How treatment professionals help people build internal motivation for change, and what families can learn about meeting their loved one where they are, not where they wish they were

• The Substance as Solution Perspective - Why viewing the addiction as your loved one's attempt at solving discomfort (rather than just destructive behavior) can transform your approach and reduce your frustration

• The Family System Impact - How addiction creates functioning patterns where everyone plays a role, and why understanding your part isn't about blame but about empowerment to create change

• When the "Patient" Gets Healthier Than the Family - Why families often struggle more when their loved one enters treatment, and how to prepare for and navigate this challenging but hopeful phase

• The Serenity Prayer in Practice - Concrete ways to identify what you can and cannot control, including how your reactions contribute to the family system's functioning

• Age and Responsibility Considerations - Different approaches for families dealing with a 14-year-old versus a 35-year-old, while maintaining consistent principles about boundaries and support

• The "Built-in Forgetter" Phenomenon - Understanding why your loved one returns to using even after experiencing severe consequences, and why this baffles everyone (including them)

• Treatment Fatigue Reality - Why people often stop participating in treatment when they start feeling better, and how families can support sustained engagement without becoming codependent

• Modern Challenges for Recovery - The unprecedented availability and potency of substances today, including the fentanyl crisis and how social media impacts both addiction and recovery

• Individual Goals Within Family Systems - How family members can identify personal goals that have nothing to do with their loved one's addiction, and why this benefits everyone

• The Spiritual Component of Healing - How recovery involves returning to an authentic self rather than finding something new, and what this means for family healing

• Meeting People Where They Are - Practical ways to support your loved one's actual goals rather than imposing your own, while still maintaining healthy boundaries

• Codependency as Addiction - Understanding how families can become "addicted" to their loved one's wellbeing, and healthy ways to redirect that energy toward personal growth

• The Lucky Ones Perspective - Why families dealing with addiction, despite the pain, often have opportunities for profound growth and connection that others may never experience

 

This conversation offers something rare: honest, practical wisdom from someone who helps families navigate these waters every day. Ryan's shares that while addiction affects the whole family system, everyone has the capacity for healing and growth. You're situation isn't hopeless, even when it feels that way.

Links and Resources from this Episode