Separating Personal Drama From Business Energy

Your ability to compartmentalize might be the most underrated entrepreneurial skill nobody talks about. When personal crisis strikes, the stark difference between being an employee and a business owner becomes painfully clear—nobody pays you for downtime or emotional processing when you run the show.

After my son's recent heart procedure (his fourth since being diagnosed with a congenital heart condition), I found myself reflecting on a powerful conversation with my father that changed everything for me. He offered this gem: "You can't carry everyone's emotional baggage and simultaneously build the kind of business that can financially support them when they need it." That hit me like a freight train of truth.

As purpose-driven entrepreneurs who genuinely care about others, we often think bearing their burdens demonstrates our love. But the cruel irony is that by taking on everyone's problems, we diminish our capacity to create the financial resources that could actually help them. Money doesn't solve everything, but it certainly softens the blow of medical bills, career transitions, and life's unexpected challenges. I've had to learn the discipline of "clocking in and out"—creating mental boundaries between business focus and personal presence. My go-to affirmation became: "If I can't fix the problem right now, I'm not going to carry the burden right now."

Are you struggling with the weight of personal crisis while trying to maintain your business? Give yourself permission to stop carrying what you can't currently fix. Focus instead on building something that positions you to help in more meaningful ways. Share your experience or ask questions in the comments—I'd love to connect with others navigating this challenging balance.

If you would like to learn more about working with Josh, and the Performance Coaching Certification, visit JoshCoats.com!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, my name is Josh and I'm your push coach.
I'm a failed rockstar turnedseven figure life coach.
I've trained over 40,000coaches and entrepreneurs since
I got started back in 2014.
I currently run my own lifecoach certification for those
who want to learn the powerfultools of transforming lives
using the psychology of truecoaching.

(00:20):
On this show, we're going toexplore business from a
different perspective.
I combine high energy withpsychology to teach you business
in a totally different way.
If you're tired of being toldto just show up and do the work,
or just believe more or justtrust the compound effect, this
podcast will take you on a deepdive to help you understand what

(00:43):
is actually holding you andyour clients back from doing the
work.
Once you understand thepsychology of performance, we
can build powerful messagingthat will attract the right
people who finally show up anddo the work.
If you're ready to be apowerful leader and build your
legacy, let's dive in.
Hello, what's up my friends?

(01:06):
Welcome back to your Push Coach.
My name is Josh, I am your pushcoach and I'm so excited to
hang out with you today.
I just got home from St Louiswhere my son Paxson had another
heart procedure and did notsleep very much while in the
hospital.
Today is my first day backsleeping in my own bed last

(01:26):
night, so kind of want to justgive a quick update on that.
I sent an email about it,updated the Facebook family but
you know, not everybody seeseverything because everybody's
busy.
So some of you know that myyoungest son, paxson, went
through three different heartsurgeries before the age of
three and then since then he'sbeen really really, really good,
just have some minor procedureshere and there to do some

(01:48):
stints.
If you don't know a lot aboutthat basically open heart
surgery, obviously we all knowwhat that is.
But for more minor things, alot of times they can go through
the main artery, like in yourgroin, and basically put a wire
up your main artery up into yourheart and they can do like
little fixes there, like theyhave little stints they can put
in to reinforce some areas.

(02:08):
Actually looks like you everseen the finger handcuffs from
like the nineties.
It looks like that but it'slike wire and they use that to
reinforce areas that need it andthen they can balloon that to
widen up different spots.
So he's had several of thosedone over the last several years
just to kind of reinforce thework that he got done when he
was younger.

(02:29):
But now he's 14.
He has finally done somegrowing and because of that,
most of the work that was doneat such a young age.
We were told eventually at somepoint he's going to get to an
age where we're going to have togo in there and upgrade some
things to go with him into hisadult body.
And so we went to St Louis tokind of get things looked at.

(02:53):
They were hoping that maybethey could actually use a stint
to go ahead and replace one ofthe main parts that had been
done when he was two and a half.
Unfortunately they weren't ableto do that, but they were able
to reinforce enough other areasthat he won't need his major
surgery for another year or two.
So sometime in the next one totwo years he will need another

(03:15):
major surgery to actually go inthere, and when they do it this
time they'll just go ahead andkind of like update and upgrade
anything and everything in therethat needs to be done.
So it'll probably be a prettybig procedure, but thankfully
not for another year or two.
I mean, I don't, you know, it'skind of one of those things.
It's like you know, there's nogood time.

(03:36):
There's no good time to do thatkind of stuff.
But for now he is recoveringfrom his minor procedure and
everything is okay.
Everything's cool for now.
But through this sparked someconversation between me and Kurt
, who is my podcast producer.
I appreciate you, bro, thanksfor everything that you do About
how we can as business owners.
So if you are an employeeworking at a job, it still

(04:02):
really sucks anytime you gothrough personal stuff.
Like personal stuff just sucksanytime, right, like it's just
always bad, right.
But the one thing that's reallydifferent about being a
business owner is that whenyou're an employee for the most
part not all jobs, not all jobs,but a lot of jobs as long as
you're in good standing withyour boss, with your company,
when you go through really hardtimes, they seem to understand.

(04:22):
They know that your performanceis.
As long as you're in goodstanding with your boss, with
your company.
When you go through really hardtimes, they seem to understand.
They know that your performanceis going to go down a little
bit.
They know that your energy isgoing to be down a little bit.
There's more understanding forthat.
When you run a business, nobodygives a fuck.
I mean they do in the sensethat obviously I've gotten so
many messages and so muchsupport and love from people but

(04:45):
I don't get paid unless Iproduce something, and that
makes business a really, reallychallenging thing when you're
going through a lot of personalstuff.
Jenny's mom has been goingthrough cancer the last couple
years, so Jenny has had to beher caretaker.
My dad went through a majorcareer change.
My brother went through a majorcareer change.

(05:06):
So many things have happened inthe last couple of years and as
a business owner, you have tofind a way to be able to clock
in and out of both your personallife and your business.
And that's kind of what I wantto talk to you about today,
because I talked to so manypeople that really struggle with
that, and I'm not pretendingfor a second that I'm perfect at

(05:29):
it, because definitely I'm notperfect at it and no one is, but
I wanted to share aconversation that I had with my
dad sometime last year.
I was going through like alittle bit of funk in my
business and, as I mentioned youknow, my wife was caretaking
for her mom.
My dad was going through acareer change.
My brother was going through acareer change and there was just
so many big emotional thingsthat were getting stacked on top

(05:53):
of me that the business wasstruggling a little bit.
I mean, I was fine, my familywas fine, but I was no longer in
a position to be the person whocould just like you know.
Oh, you need this.
Let me just write a check foryou.
Let me just take care of thatfor you.
I was no longer able to takecare of other people the way
that I used to be, and I wasreally struggling with it.

(06:14):
And I remember having a phonecall with my dad, and my dad
gave me some of the best advicein the world and I want to pass
this off to you today.
He said, josh, first of all,you're not responsible for
anybody else's finances, you'reonly responsible for yours.
But I know that that issomething that you care about a
lot, and that's one of thereasons you started your

(06:34):
business was so that you couldhelp take care of other people.
So if that's the case and youreally do want to be able to
help other people, you're goingto have to find a way to stop
carrying the emotional baggageof everybody else's lives so
that you can go do the thing youwant to do, which is make money

(06:57):
so that you can help them.
But you can't do both.
You can't carry everyone'semotional baggage because that's
going to weigh on you and pullyour business down.
You can't do that and createthe kind of business that
actually can then financiallysupport other people.
So you're going to have to finda way to just say you know what

(07:20):
People are going through?
Hard things, they're goingthrough hard times and that
sucks, and you're going to haveto find a way to use that as the
motivation to go do the workyou need to do.
And, man, that, really that wasa huge, huge, huge moment for
me.
When I built my business thefirst time, I found a way to use

(07:43):
the struggle of my own financesand my kids and what it was
putting them through.
I found that to be mysuperpower for finding the
motivation I needed to go buildthe business.
But I kind of forgot when itcomes to other people that are
surrounded by me.
I kind of got to do the samething and I think if you do what

(08:06):
I do and I'm assuming you dosomething similar you might not
be a life coach, but everyonethat listens to this podcast is
someone who does something for aliving to serve others, to help
others, to make the world abetter place.
We're very, very, very bighearted people or we wouldn't do
what we do, right?
We're very purpose oriented,very purpose driven, and when

(08:27):
you care about people the waythat we care about people, it's
really, really, really hard notto take on some of their
emotional baggage because wewant to help so much.
And this was just such a hugelike aha moment for me to be
like.
You know what my dad is, soright, the thing that is

(08:50):
frustrating me the most is thatI'm not in a financial position
to do things to help them,because I don't know if you've
noticed this, but money doesn'tsolve all problems, but it helps
a lot of problems, right?
You know, like Paxton being inthe hospital this last week, I
had to take a lot of time offfrom work and if you have money,

(09:12):
that's not that big of a deal,right, you can just be there to
take care of your family.
If you don't have money, nowall of a sudden, it's a really
big deal.
Is you're trying to figure outhow to pay the bills and how to
take care of your kid, and thatwas the situation I was in when
he was younger.
I hated that feeling, right.
So you know, if your dad isgoing through a career change

(09:32):
and you don't have money to helphim, well that sucks.
If you do have money to helphim, not as big of a deal.
So money doesn't solve allproblems, but it softens the
blow of a lot of problems.
It definitely makes it easierto deal with those problems.
And so I just came to thismoment where I said, okay, josh,
we are not.

(09:54):
We are no longer going to spendour time and energy worrying
about other people's problems.
What we're going to do is whatwe do best.
We're going to lean into thebusiness and we're going to help
solve problems that thebusiness can solve, so that we
can get our money right, so thatwe can then do the things to

(10:17):
help people when they are goingthrough things.
And I'm not again, I'm notpretending this is easy, I'm not
pretending that you can just doit with the flip of a switch,
but I'm not again, I'm notpretending this is easy, I'm not
pretending that you can just doit with the flip of a switch,
but I had to get really really,really good at knowing how to
clock in for my business and howto clock out for my business
how to clock in for being thereto help people and support
people, and how to clock out.

(10:39):
And it's a very, very, probablymore like masculine thing, and
I tend to really I talk a lotabout the masculine and the
feminine.
We need both to be successfulin business, we both to be
successful in life, and this isprobably a little bit more of a
masculine thing to say.
You know what I just got toclock out from this?

(11:01):
I can't afford to spend myentire day worrying about
something that I can't currentlyfix, and so that was literally
an affirmation I started usingwhen I would wake up in the
middle of the night, sometimesjust thinking about all of the
problems that everyone I knewwas going through.
I would literally start to sayif I can't fix the problem right
now, I'm not going to carry theburden right now.

(11:24):
If I can't fix the problemright now, I'm not going to
carry the burden right now.
If I can't fix the problemright now, I'm not going to
carry the burden right now.
And that was just a way of justlike helping myself to come to
a realization of I'm notactually helping the problem
right now.
I'm making it worse.
I'm not actually fixinganything, I'm just making things
worse by getting myselfstressed out, by getting myself
emotional, just making thingsworse by getting myself stressed

(11:45):
out, by getting myselfemotional, by making my own
production, my own performance,go down.
That's not going to help anybody, and you know, in business we
also have to do this.
The same with leadership.
You can't control whether ornot everyone else shows up.
You got to do what you cancontrol and let go of everything
you can control.
And so if you are out theregoing through a hard time in

(12:06):
your personal life and I feellike a lot of people have been
the last couple of years I hopethat this helps you in some way.
To just give you I want to giveyou permission to stop carrying
everyone else's burdens andinstead focus on what are the
things you actually can do tohelp, what are the things you

(12:28):
actually can control that couldcontribute, and let go of
everything else.
I hope that helps.
I appreciate you all so much.
Thank you to everyone who sentme messages, who showed love on
my posts about Paxton's time inSt Louis.
I love you all so much.
I believe in you so freakingmuch.
Please remember everything youneed Living on the inside, all

(12:48):
the resources you'll ever need,right under your nose.
Have an amazing day, friends,and I'll see you soon.