Some People Consider That Persistence

This episode takes the #GroupChat from the departure of a certain chicken restaurant's sky-high service standards to how iconic films like "Love Jones" and "Love & Basketball" have shaped our perceptions of love and life.

As we wrapped things up, we turned the spotlight on Melandi Murrell's Happy Balanced You, Counseling and Consulting. 

Be on the lookout for the bonus episode with our full discussion about 2023's "The Color Purple" movie musical.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to eight people
in the group chat.
I am your host, yola Gilliam.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
What's up, pete, and you know who I am.
I'm your girl, lynnae Johnson,aka Lenny.
If you ask Siri or some of myfriends, what's up y'all, what's
up, nothing much.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
What'd you been up to this week?

Speaker 2 (00:26):
You know nothing much , just it's been a good week.
Actually, I don't know if youknow this, but some of the
people know this.
I am a huge sports fanbasketball and football so it
has been very entertaining theselast few days.
You know we're down to the wireSuper Bowl here in two weeks.

(00:46):
What about your week?

Speaker 1 (00:50):
My week's been pretty good.
I haven't had an opportunity tosee some old friends that I've
not seen in way too long and hadsome lunches and some dinners
and hangouts, so it's been nicejust to kind of see people in
person.
Speaking of people I saw inperson, I saw you in person
recently too.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
You did.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
It's been a good time .

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Yes, and why don't we see each other, tell the people
, tell the folks at home?

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Well, as y'all saw on our Instagram, we took a little
field trip to see the colorpurple.
We did, we did, we said wewould and we did, and now we're
going to tell you about it.
Well, we're going to tell youwhat we think about it.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Yeah, let's do that.
So, let's do that.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
I'm just going to point out that I got to the
theater prior to the start time.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
You did, and let me just tell you she's trying to be
shady Like shade.
That's what she's trying to dopeople, because I will be the
first to say, I never get to themovies on time.
I don't really care about thepreviews, I don't.
I really was trying to getthere on time though, but you
know, time just always seems toget away from me, and you know.

(02:11):
So tell me about the previews.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
I'm impatient, so I.
When I get to a thing one, I'malways early for everything.
So if you are always late tomovies, and I'm always early, we
were always going to have thisissue.
I pay no attention to thetrailers, but I do like to be
settled.
Even though I usually pick aseat on the end, I don't.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
What is the point of getting to the movie early if
you don't care about thepreviews and you have an
assigned seat?

Speaker 1 (02:40):
I will explain that when I do always have a sign
seat and it's usually the eventlike that in seat that I sat in
but I also am visually impaired,so I don't like to have to move
around in the dark once thelights go down.
I have arthritis in my knee soI want to be able to take the
time I need to get to the top ofthe stadium seating and I have

(03:04):
anxiety so I like to be settledand at the place where I'm
supposed to be at the time thething starts, and then I don't
have to think about all that.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
And get your popcorn, because you also tried to shape
me on that.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
I did not try to shade you on that.
I have been to the no, no, no.
Let me explain.
So I have been to the movieswith people who be like I don't
eat or drink at the movies and Iwas like, well, that's a movie
experience and I hate you, Idon't want to go to the movies
with you.
So, without anything, I waslike, are you one of those
people who don't eat popcorn atthe movies?
That was a shade, it was agenuine question.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
No, I actually do, but because I was running late.
Take this back.
I am not always late to themovies, because the last two
times that I went to the movieswhich I was on a date with one
of my really good friends Sons,Little Benjamin, little Benjamin

(04:05):
who's?
10.
That was my little date.
We like to do movie dates.
Yes, we like to do movie dates,and so you know Benjamin cannot
be late to the movie.
So the last few times I wasactually on time.
No, I do.
When I'm late I usually don'tstop to get popcorn, I usually
just zoom in and sit down andkind of get settled and then get

(04:28):
up.
That makes no sense, I know,because then you tend to miss
some of the movie.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
But you did point out that you that's why you prefer
the folks who deliver theconcessions.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Movies.
Okay, Can we all just have itwhere we have concierge service
delivered to your seat.
I mean a lot of movie places dothat now where you can just hit
the buzzer they come and theybring your drink and they bring
your food, popcorn, you know,whatever you want to eat.
Who eats pizza and nachos atthe movies?

Speaker 1 (05:07):
But they're the ones who have this.
You know, some people have thefull menu, have full menus, and
you're oh no, I get that, no no,no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
I totally get that.
You know the hamburger,whatever, but not always still
eating nachos in 2024.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
I mean, I think it's the movies.
It was some people, yeah, whilewe're shaming people's movie
snacks because it's just notfresh, speaking of fresh.
The movie theater food none ofit is fresh.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
This is not, but can we just talk about this?
You know I had a problem withthis.
This was the last thing I thinkwe talked about once we left.
Was you remember back in theday growing up, when popcorn
used to be fresh?
You will walk in and you justhad that, that movie Feeling you
walk in and the first thing youdid was you walk in when you

(05:55):
got your ticket outside.
That's number one.
But you walk in and you smellthe butter, the popcorn poppy.
You don't smell that now.
You smell stillness.
It smells like feet.
When you first walk in To meand then you know you pay all
this money for popcorn and thenyou get that $15, $20.
And the popcorn is cold andstale.

(06:17):
You understand why we can't getfreshly warm popcorn.
If I'm paying $15, which Idon't because I get the kids
meal, but I digress If peopleare spending 15 to $20 on a bowl
of popcorn, it should be freshPeriod, which is why people

(06:39):
bring food from the outside.
I know.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
I do, I do not disagree.

Speaker 2 (06:45):
You know I mean just, but so that's one of my things
about the movies I like.

Speaker 1 (06:50):
I did complete a survey after our viewing.
I did know that the popcorn didseem old.
It had a tend to burnt to it.
So, I did share that feedback.
I don't know it's going to doany good.
It won't.
I did, I did.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
It won't.
They're not the Chick-fil-A'sof the world.
Speaking of Chick-fil-A, countyour days.
Well, wendover Avenue andCharlotte.
Not really Count your days,because she did.
Well, I'll tell you.
You know, we had thisconversation.
Yes, you know, I feelChick-fil-A every, every fast
food, not even fast food.

(07:29):
Every restaurant to me needs togo to Chick-fil-A training.
They need to take a page out ofChick-fil-A's handbook for
customer service, because theyare the epitome top tier of
customer service hands down.
So you know, in Charlotte thereis a dislocation.

(07:54):
I usually go to off a RandolphClose ward I could always say
that word wrong, but anyway.
But they had closed down for awhile.
So now it's on Wendover Avenueand so it's been there for a
minute and it's horrible.
This is one of the worstChick-fil-A's I have ever been

(08:16):
to in my entire life.
I mean entire life, every timeI go.
The first time I went I wasbuying Ray Parker Jr yes, that's
the dog's name Some nuggets,because he loves nuggets.
I went there the first time.
It was brand new, probably hadbeen open maybe three weeks.
Nuggets were burnt and I just,you know, tasted one.

(08:37):
I said, god, these nuggets areburnt, but whatever they, I'm
giving them to Ray Parker.
So whatever, it doesn't matter.
If it was for me, I would havegone back to complain.
But whatever, not complain, butyou know, get a fresh batch.
Second time, same thing.
Order was wrong.
Third time I go inside waiting,there's no one in there.
There's a couple of peoplewaiting on their food, that had
been helped.
And I'm standing in front of alady who had been standing there

(09:01):
.
So I'm like have you been bythe time?
I've been waiting for fiveminutes.
I said have you been helped?
And so she's like no, as wewere walking past the employees,
mind you, they're all youngteenagers like they're zombies.
So finally she goes around andshe's like hi, is there anyone
you know that can help us?

(09:22):
They're all looking at eachother like you know who's going
to do what, who's on first,who's on third.
So finally someone comes andyou know we're helped and
whatever.
Whatever.
My order was wrong again, andthis last time I had done a
mobile order, because there'sone thing that I hate is

(09:42):
standing in the drive-thru linewhen I could just do the mobile
order.
I don't know why more peopledon't do the mobile order, but
anyway.
So I get there.
There's one person in line, sothat should already tell you one
thing right there.
When you see nobody in line atChick-fil-A prime time at eight
o'clock, it's a problem.
Get there, order my nuggets,get to the window.
She tells me to move up.

(10:03):
I'm thinking when people tellyou to move up and wait, they're
probably preparing fresh food.
I'm waiting for 10 minutes.
She finally brings the nuggetsout.
They're lukewarm at best.
So I asked the young lady.
I was like hey, can you wait soI can check my food, because
every time that I come it's coldor either incorrect.

(10:24):
I was like hey, these are cold,you know.
And I said you know, itwouldn't be a problem, but I've
waited for 10 minutes.
I would have thought they wouldhave been fresh.
She was like oh, I thought theywere fresh too.
She takes them back in aboutone to two minutes she brings
them back.
I'm figuring this is probablythe same, you know, yep, the
same nuggets which they were.

(10:44):
So I go home, I call the managerand I told her the problem.
I said you know, I don't wantmy money back and I don't want
any more nuggets, but this isthe worst location I've ever
been to.
All the times that I've beenhere, my order has either been
wrong or completely cold.
I was like you all have got todo better.
I said I've never been to aworse location ever in my life.

(11:08):
So then I called corporate.
You know, I'm not going to goback and forth with people, I
just will do a survey and callcorporate, called corporate.
They were nice.
They said we will, you know,make sure that we tell you know
the owner.
And they were like yeah, thisshouldn't have happened, but I
want to reveal.
I want to reveal Do not go tothis location.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
You did write a review Did you read it and what
did I mean?
It won.
You accounted what happened.
The rating was one, it was afair rating, and you, I thought
you were reasonable, but notjust one for me from every.
Oh no, like people, do not likethat location from every and

(11:49):
they gave the same thing.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
They were slow.
They're all young people,they're congregating by the
window talking.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
I think the franchise needs to revisit some things
with their staff and get a newstaff.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
I will say she did you know?
Reply back that she was sorryand gave me coupons which was
nice.
Any Chick-fil-A or just thatchick.
Any Chick-fil-A has beendropped into my rewards on my
app.
Oh, that's great, any of them.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
But what I found, except for Northlake, because
they still are freaking closedwith their renovation.
But I suppose they said they'resupposed to be back open this
end of this week.
We'll see.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
Oh well, that's good.
Well, I was happy to know thatI think I was going to Publix or
Heroseter the one that's, onethat I normally go to and they
have reopened, thank the Lord,so now I can go back there.
But yeah, I mean, you know shewas nice about it, but still,
come on Chick-fil-A.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
I can never go to a magic, for, like now I will say
my worst fast food experience.

Speaker 2 (12:59):
Happen at Chick-fil-A .

Speaker 1 (13:01):
Well, no, that's, that is us.
The hair in my food at Papa hasat it the hardest.
Two years ago, jesus, but I hada.
This is the reason I don't getice in my drinks.
Well, too, I don't want ice inmy drinks because I'm paying for
a drink, but the it startedbecause I had gone to

(13:25):
Chick-fil-A and I happened tolike, after I finished my tea.
I always like open up the cupand, you know, drink the remnant
, the kind of thing.
And there was a fly.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
Oh Jesus.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
From the ice machine and I knew it was from the ice
machine.
I've worked enough food serviceto, and so after that I stopped
getting ice places which reallyused to throw McDonald's for
some reason.
I used to have the worstproblems with McDonald's getting
no ice in my drinks Like itwould.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
Well, is it coming out of your check?
You would think.
You would think Don'tunderstand it.
Someone says they don't wantice.
Can I have another package ofof of catch up?
It's not coming out of yourcheck.
People can I have.
Now, if I'm getting a large fry, why are you giving me one
catch up?
Can I have four?
Maybe I like ketchup, like, canI have four?

(14:17):
Yeah, I don't.
I don't know what the problemis with that.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
Ice situation, a fly, that's life.
I mean, this has been Shoot.
It's been so long ago.
I think I had only one kid atthe time.
Wow, I lived in Charlotte whenit happened.
That's how I measure my life.
Like, where did I live at thetime?
Wow, it was crazy, crazy.
That is crazy.

(14:42):
I'm going to pull us backaround to the color purple,
because the people want to know.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
Hold on.
Can I just say one more thingabout Chick-fil-A, which is the
biggest, which is the, which isthe biggest thing?
People, why do people go toChick-fil-A?
What do they want to hear?
My pleasure, my pleasure.
And they don't say that.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
I don't care about that.
Do I want to hear aboutpleasure period?
That's what it is.
It is nobody's pleasure to bedoing all this for 11 hours a
day.

Speaker 2 (15:10):
But this is what they're known for.
Well, this is what they'reknown for.
So here's my thing.
I don't care what you make it,that's what you're known for.
You need to say it.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
You just do.
You do also want to know.
People mad at children don'tlearn cursive anymore, so I am.
I feel like they should learnit.
We're going to put a pen andthat.
Come back to it, though,because I do want to talk about
why people are up in arms aboutthat.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
You're not.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
No, okay, do you have a question for this week?

Speaker 2 (15:39):
Oh I don't have a question, but I do.
There's so many things runningthrough my head.
I do have a little no fact.
What is it that I was reading?
Did you know?
This is about pilots, airplanepilots.
So I was watching something onYouTube and did you know?
You know you have a pilot and aco-pilot.
Did you know that if the pilotor the co-pilot has an issue

(16:05):
with the other and they don'tlike each other and they flown
together, if you don't get alongwith a particular person, you
can request that you never flywith them?
Ever.
Because they say that, becauseflying is so stressful that you
should not be put in a situationwhere you're having to maybe

(16:26):
depend on someone who brings youAgita or that you don't like.
Did you know?

Speaker 1 (16:32):
that.
I appreciate that for thesafety of my well-being.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Me too.
So if you were a pilot and Iwas a co-pilot and I did not
like you, I could request neverto fly with you ever, and they
would make that happen.
I love it, I said wow, but yeah, that was.
I can't do that at all the jobI'm notman Right, that's the
same thing I said, and I wasreading some of the comments.

(16:57):
That was some of the thingsthat they were saying too Too
bad, you can't do that in reallife, but I think that's
brilliant, because why shouldyou be stressed out?

Speaker 1 (17:06):
This is also a safety concern.
I mean, like those are a lot ofyou know, lives in your hands
when you're flying the aircraft,and I would like for the folks
who are flying this aircraft tobe able to depend on one another
and respect one another and notbe up there plus inviting when
I'm up there Absolutely so.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
I'm all for it Absolutely, and we don't need a
pilot like Denzel.
I like to call him DenzelWashington, aka Denzel
Washington.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
Well, that's his name .

Speaker 2 (17:35):
Denzel, yeah Denzel, people don't know, that, but
it's Denzel, you know, on flightwhen he was drinking, and
wasn't he doing co-pictures?

Speaker 1 (17:43):
That was a good movie so good.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
Speaking of Denzel, when we walked out of the color
purple, remember what we saw.
It was the banner for it.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Oh, ok, I could talk about more better blues all the
days of my life and, as you know, my last name is Gilliam and I
was obsessed with that movie andEric did not let me call a
child bleak and I'm still in myfeelings about it, but yes, that
is one of my favorite movies.
I will sing Harlem Blues allday, every day.

(18:17):
I love that song.
I love Cinda Williams Like Ithink she should be in all the
movies Lisa Nicole Carson, ah,and so it was just, it was a
good so good movie and I walkedin and I saw that and when I
walked out I was like I shouldsee people.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
I think people tend to forget about that movie.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
It was Spikely is just a beast he is.
My kid was Spikely for BlackHistory Month.
One time I'm going to have tosend you the.
I'm just to you which kid was?
Oh yeah, the little one.
He's not really little becausehe's tall, I mean, has a

(19:01):
mustache but the youngest one,the 15 year old, when he was in
fifth grade I wanted to.
He was Spikely for and it was ayear that's like one the Oscar
too.
So, oh, we were super excitedabout that.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
Like has some Some classics, man I mean school days
.
Mobile blues, malcolm X.
I mean, do the right thing, dothe right thing.
She's got game CrooklynCrooklyn.
Um, um, you know, this couldtake a while.

(19:39):
Oh my gosh, I love that.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
And I just love the theme song Jungle fever by
Stevie Wonder.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yes, oh, my goodness, I'm going to start singing, but
we have no rights to any musicand no money.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
So you don't understand why we can't sing
with it yet, and still you canput songs in your Instagram or
Facebook.
It's the same thing.

Speaker 1 (20:04):
It is not the same thing.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
Why can I sing it?
I don't understand.
Make it, make sense, people.
I mean I'm desperatorical, justmake it, make it.
I'm trying to be monetized.
We all like people's music, butanyway, yes, spike is, he's a
beast.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
Here's my, my kid.
Let's see Like Lee as Like histhree month.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
Okay, that wasn't you .
That's a reminder from our OBGFor my peps, samir.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
I'm not doing that for you.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
Oh, that's a new picture.
To know that this young man Nowhas facial hair.
He does.
Where does the time go?
Mustache and a goatee.
I love this.
I love the glasses in the hat.
Wait a minute.
Speaking of Malcolm Dexter King.

(21:04):
Oh God, rest his soul.
Yes, he passed away yesterday.
Was it that's prostate cancer,and I'm not sure if it's because
of the that's it.
That's prostate cancer and hishome, passing his home in LA To

(21:24):
their family.
Lord, have mercy, yeah, butthis is such a cute, this is
such a cute picture.
I hate that For Dexter, Ireally do, but, um, yeah, I
think it's just Just broughtback so many memories, so many

(21:48):
things, so many things, but yeah, so let's talk about more
movies, since we're in thespirit of talking about movies.

Speaker 1 (21:59):
So I think we kind of touched on this the last time
when I also sent you the link.
It was about movies that thatwe loved.
That may hit a littledifferently as a grown woman and
one of those, like the the postthat I saw Was about love Jones

(22:20):
and the person it was.
I saw that you know he got hersmoking cigarette.
But when you think about thosekind of movies love Jones I know
I mentioned a few before Loveand basketball, baby boy Fools
rushing in and, like I said,we're going to ask y'all to
share some of y'alls too.
But Some of those things thatseemed like Great love story, so

(22:46):
romantic, so like you'd lookback at those and be like those
relationships were foolish and abig toxic.
And you know I don't view itthe same way Now, knowing what a
healthy relationship is.
And so let's start with loveJones.
I'm making the most of it, LoveJones.

(23:08):
And so let's start with loveJones.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
I'm making the presumption you have seen, love
Jones.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
Excuse me In the movie, kind of Thank you.
I don't.
I don't like to assume.
So I have seen love Jones, Iown it.
I do too.
So tell me, tell me Initiallythe first time.
How, how did you remember that?
I remember that, I rememberthat.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
So that was our senior year, so I had to be
around what?
17, 18.
So, 18, when I saw the movie,do you remember your first
impressions?
Loved it.
I mean, he got me at Poetrywhen he was, you know, doing his
Poetry slash rap.
Can you along shout out to therent state what is the reason

(24:03):
why?
The reason why he's a goodagent, like fine wine, he says
his genes and his, his veganlifestyle.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
I don't know, but the man doesn't look a day over 35.
I had no idea how old he is.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
I just know he has been doing this long enough for
that.
He's got to be at least acertain age.
That's all.
He's definitely.
He's definitely in his fifties.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
That I do know.
Hold on.
Let me just Google it reallyquickly For a minute yeah.
No, he's not I didn't realizehe was this old, because Is he
really?
Well, he's not 50.
He has 48.
That is three years older thanI am at this moment, yes, but

(24:47):
still a look at the 30.
But we're also.
I realize this every time.
I say something like that toEric, who is older than I he is
52.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
Yeah, that's the math .

Speaker 1 (25:00):
And so I know he's 51 , my bad he's 51.
And I'll be like so-and-so isthis age and they seem old and
I'm like, but they're like ayear older than me.
So I well, I am very glad tohave lived to see 45.

(25:20):
That's what many people don'tget to Exactly I am also.
I don't realize that I am nowan older person, like.
I'm always floored by the factthat people who I think of as
older not even old, but justolder are my age.
We're very close in age it's,and I'm always shocked You're

(25:45):
middle age.

Speaker 2 (25:46):
You're not old, I'm not, I'm middle age.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you're 45.
That is middle age.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
Well, I knew the AARP to go ahead and start sending
me my discounts, because I'mready.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
Hmm, well, you can keep that over there, if I'm a,
b, middle aged.

Speaker 1 (26:02):
can I get a discount with it?
You want I do.
You are B.
My mother-in-law atThanksgiving was sharing her
magazines with me and she didsay you can sign up earlier.
But I will say this as youapproach 50, and Eric will tell

(26:22):
you this I don't think he waspleased.
They do start sending you stuffso you can sign up.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
They actually have-.
I think they sent me some a fewyears ago I mean something on
AARP and I was just like hmm.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
I was like, first of all, how y'all know how old I am
.
I don't know y'all like that.
I think it's that the bigbrothers always watching.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
I know no big brothers always watching Buying
lists, Exactly, and they'realone.
53.
I mean, the girl looks not adate again Over.
I'm going to say 40.
She does look good.
I mean she looks amazing, butthe movie I loved it.

(27:01):
One of my favorite lines.
You know I always have favoritelines.
What is your favorite line?
Do you have an iconic line fromthis movie?
It has to be only one and I'mgoing to see if you're going to
hit the nail on the head.

Speaker 1 (27:17):
No, I don't think mine is going to be what yours
is, because mine is not a.
It is not nice, but it is.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Mine is gas up the pacer.
Gas up the pacer.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
Yeah, that's not what I was going to call it.
The favorite is when Saviansays let me break it down, I can
be forever and consistentlybroke, but the one that I was
laughing at.
That always makes me laugh.
The thing I think aboutimmediately is Bill Bellamy
telling her to walk and he tellhim Dan, I ain't walking around,
like it's not stopping around.

(27:47):
It's somebody stole her bike.
Most of mine are not nice, butthe best one is Savia saying let
me break it down for you so itcan forever and consistently be
broke.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
And then the iconic poem that he would, he, say let
me be your, something in yourthought and used to know it like
that's the back of my hand,just something I got to rewatch
because I actually haven't seenlove Jones in a while.
I have to rewatch that.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
but okay, so we should have rewatched them
before we talked about them.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
But wasn't Lisa Nicole Carson?
And this one as well?

Speaker 1 (28:27):
She was her friend that helped her move and she was
her friend that they would havethose back to have
conversations.
Yes, before Texas can't andconditions became a thing they
were doing it, yeah, but okay.
So I love Lisa Nicole Carson.
I just I was like I would havebeen like her when I grow up,
when I was little, I thought shewas so pretty.

(28:48):
She was, she was.
I love devil in a blue dressand that's how I came to her and
I thought she was sexy andsassy and I just she was great
yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
Yes, but the okay.
So I'm you know.
The Instagram post said loveJones is not a romantic movie.
This man got her smokingcigarettes.
Someone else said that she was,that he was a stalker.
Do you concur?

Speaker 1 (29:20):
I do very much concur .
He stole first of all.
His friends should have beenfired.
She was should have been fired.
He got her information from acheck.
She wrote we're making apurchase at a place where his
framework, so both of them weredead and wrong.
He showed up where she wasstaying, which actually wasn't

(29:41):
even really her house.
She was like sub leasing orsomething and he was like I got
your address from the recordstore.
What the heck?
That is like I would havecalled the police.
We're not having a greatromance.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
I'm not saying me.
I'm saying some people may saywould have said they probably
would not now, even though somepeople may say that is
persistence and taking the bullby the horns.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
You could say that if he had it.
No, you can't say that I triedto make it because, mainly in
this situation, she had alreadyasked her for contact
information and she had said no,He'd asked her.
Basically he tried to get theday they met.
Then when they they ran intoeach other at the record store.
Now I can say this Now, when heasked Sheila if he could get

(30:35):
the information from her check,she was like why would I do that
?
So he may have overstepped andgotten it without her being
complacent in that.
But after I have already said Iam not interested in getting to
know you, I am not interestedin a relationship.
You have asked me several times.
I had said no.
And then the next thing, I knowyou show up at my house.

(30:56):
First of all, I don't likepeople who I know showing up at
my house uninvited andunannounced.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
So would she have been well within her right to
get a restraining order on thisman?
Yes, okay, but that's if shedidn't like a but, does it still
hold merit since they gottogether?
That's the question.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
He was the question, regardless of what happened
after.
She did not.
It's a movie, so all theterrible stuff that could happen
to women if that you know, ifthat were their situation
doesn't happen, but I think itstill holds merit, no matter
what.
Because we have, you can gettogether with somebody and still

(31:39):
end up in a bad relationship.
True, that puts you in physical, mental, emotional harm, and
just because you chose to be inthat relationship it doesn't
negate those you know actions.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
I would agree, but sometimes I think a lot of.
I'm not gonna say a lot, but Ithink there are.
I was gonna say a lot becausethere's billions of people in
the world.
I think a lot of people haveended up in good situations
because a person maybe not tothis extreme was persistent.

(32:16):
Now, maybe that was, that was.
So I'm making a face becausey'all can't see me, I know you
are, but I'm just saying, likewhat if he did not do that, they
never ended up together?
Well, obviously, if they neverdid together, it just never
would have been a movie.
But I'm just saying, lookingback on it, if they have a

(32:38):
prosperous, lovely life and goon to get married and have
children, they didn't have aprosperous, lovely life
throughout the movie, like weknow.

Speaker 1 (32:45):
You always saw them at the end.
If you haven't seen it, spoileralert we saw them at the end,
kissing in the rain and kind ofmake it up.

Speaker 2 (32:51):
That's not even say spoiler alert.
This is over 26 years old.
It needs to be a spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
I've never seen it that was more alert.
Maybe we have some youngerviewers who are like, what is
this Show, show, show, show,show show.
See it.
So listeners, rather.
But I do think I don't knowthat this, no, it's not okay.
I keep trying to find a way tomake it Okay.
I don't think it.
I don't now I don't think it'sokay, but, like the whole point

(33:20):
of this conversation is before,when I first said I was like you
, I'm like, oh, he waspersistent, he really wanted to
get to know her.
He, you know, he had a love atfirst sight thing.
This is great.
This is if you want something,go after it.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
So should we not?
That's the question.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
I think you need to be mindful.
You don't need to be committingcrimes and stealing people's
information, and if somebodytells you no, once, that no is
enough.
She had told him no, I'm notinterested multiple times and
his answer to that was to stealher information and show up at
her door that was noted that shefound creepy.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
It was so wrong on so many levels.
However, the devil's advocatepart of me wants to say no, no.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
It, it, it.
What are you advocating for?
Stop?

Speaker 2 (34:15):
No, I'm not.
I am totally not, because Iwould definitely be crooked out
about this, but I just.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
It was creepy.
Like the romance part of it Ido Like the real, really like.
Oh, I found this lady that Ithink I like and now I'm going
to hear is the weird part Makeher like me, even though she
done told me a couple times sheinterested.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
This.
This is so true.
It's giving control, vibes isgiving, creepy is giving.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
Ah God, I don't play something for me or make me
breakfast like come on, not evenif you put the needle on the
track.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
Mm, hmm, mm, hmm, not even like.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
I'm looking at this, I'm like what you walking around
my house for, like what's yourlocation for I don't know you
like that, like all of it, likewhen they got into an actual
relationship outside of thesmoking this person on the
internet pointed out, I thoughttheir relationship was OK, but
even then there was dishonestyin their relationship and there

(35:18):
was this imbalance in theirrelationship about what each of
them wanted, and so they werenever in alignment.
They were never on the samepage about what this was.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
And do you think maybe they were not on the same
page?
Because in the back of her mindI know I'm going to she was
thinking how much of a creepthat's he could be.
I was for doing this and shejust couldn't give it her old
college go.
Well, I think part of it.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
I mean I'm assuming that she could be like never
know what he going to do.
But at the same time I thinkpart of it was she had just
gotten out of a long termrelationship that had gone sour
in a way she hadn't expected andkind of blown up her life.
She had been determined thatthey were just kicking it and I
don't know how much.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
I wanted to like him.
You don't know how bad I justwanted to sing, just kicking it
by a skate.
Anyway, I do, I do.
You're right, yo, you're right,you're right.
You know what I think it is.
I also think it's the day intime, even though it may not
have, is still to be creepy.
Back in the nineties, I don'tthink people were.

(36:30):
I think I still think peoplewere a little crazy and creepy,
but not like they are today.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
You know what I mean.
I think that here is one of thethings and people say stuff
like that that I think peoplecrazy today.
People, I think people havealways been this crazy.
They just have additionalavenues.
Now, like you can cyber stockpeople, you don't just have to
be in the bushes, there'srevenge porn now.
Like you don't have to like outpeople to their print out

(37:00):
pictures and then do the maillike there.
You know, people have doneeverything, from emailing folks
jobs about them to like peoplewho just have more they have
more avenues to go to the postoffice now to harass somebody.
Basically, you're right.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
You're right because, ok, so you have social media
now where they're cyber bullyingyou, but when we were in school
, you know we didn't have cyberbullying.
We still had picking.
We called it picking, you know,at people.
But we still had it, but justnot in that form.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
Yeah, so you just have different avenues.
Like you have the whole WorldWide Web, you can send stuff to
people's houses through.
You know you can steal Like you.
Just you can literally I saymap quest, but you can literally
just go online and find yourway to somebody's house.
You don't even have to knowwhere they live.
Now, please, I mean thanks, you, thanks.

(37:53):
Google white pages dot com andget addresses and phone numbers
and exactly relatives and namesor anybody who's.
You can get a whole list ofpeople who's ever lived at that
address.

Speaker 2 (38:03):
This is so true.
Yeah, you're right, I wouldhave to.
I would have to agree with youon that.
I would.
I would definitely have toagree with you on that.
Let's talk about the secondmovie, because this is I own
this one too One of my faves,love and basketball.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
So I think when people talk about viewing this
different, they're thinkingabout Two things in particular.
Tell me, I think, when Qdecides that he going to go off
with somebody else becauseMonica didn't stay with him when
she had curfew that night, whenhe wanted to talk about his dad
, when he found out that his dadhad, you know, a baby with
somebody else, and I thinkthey're talking about when he

(38:44):
decides to call off his wedding,like the night before, yeah.
So I think people are lookingat those, are thinking about
those two scenes and those twosituations when they say he was
being selfish.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
He was being selfish in that moment.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
He did not like when they were in college and he was
like I'm just take what you callit to eat at Burger King.
I give him half the benefit ofthe doubt because he was of an
age and in a life situationwhere he probably did not know
how to communicate what he wasthinking and feeling very well,
and so he was acting out thataka selfish.

(39:21):
I think so, but I do think it'sa little bit different at that
age, when your brain is notfully formed yet and he, I mean
he's in college but still achild, let's be honest.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
And this is having a young adult temper tantrum.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
His family life was blowing up, so I think I give
him some grace there.
His decision making Things hedecided to do to handle it, I do
agree with you was tantrumstyle versus like I'm a be by
myself and figure out what'sgoing on.

(39:52):
He, she, hurt his feelings, sohis, his thought was now after
her feelings, yeah, I agree, butthat's what I was going to say.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
Sometimes people do things to you or get back and
they wait for that right time tostick the ninth in and twist it
like on face off.
That's what I think, and Ithink that's what he did.

Speaker 1 (40:22):
He had never really been supportive of her period.
He expected her to always behis number one fan.
I do not think, even when theywere in high school, that he
gave her that, because even whenhe came to her games in high
school, when they were justfriends, he came more as Mr
Popular because he knew peoplewould be all in his face.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
Mm, hmm.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
This is true.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
That was such a good movie and I just love the ending
with the John L Johnson.
I love it.
But you know what?
What these movies have incommon is pay, get together.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
They do get together.
I think love and basketball Ithey work through some adult
stuff, though I think I could Isee this one a little bit
different.
My favorite line from that arethey cussing.
Their mom was in Spain.
I love it when I was with us.
She's such a good actress.
She is.

(41:16):
I love her, but I wait a minute.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
Wait a minute, hold on.
Did you?
Do you realize that a lot ofthese you know black actors?
You know we re-rotate them indifferent movies, but she was
the mother on something new.
Yes, she was, I really enjoyedthat movie.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
What did you think about that one?
That was not on our list, butwhat do you think about that one
?
Oh, love that movie.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
I mean, I just loved everything about it.
I hated that her mom she wasthe same way in love and
basketball was trying to pushher on Blair Underwood because
of his status.
Um, you know, the Caucasiangentleman was blue collar and

(42:04):
Blair Underwood was hetechnically blue collar because
it was his business?

Speaker 1 (42:09):
Yeah, but I mean, blue collar is he did do some
laboring.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
Yeah, he was a landscaper, right.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
Well, a landscape architect, but yes, architect.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
Yeah, I mean still doing things with his hands.
Yes, it was his, it was hisbusiness, but I don't think the
mother liked that about that,that she could do better than
that, and so of course shewanted the status and wanted
that.
He was the attorney, and youknow, I think in in something
new.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
I felt like her.
The mom's character wasdefinitely a quote, unquote, not
our kind type person, and soshe wanted her with somebody who
was in their circle and I thinkin love and basketball she was
just more and my quote fingersare up traditional and she was
like there is a certain way todo things.

(42:58):
There is some decorum youshould have, and so she was like
.
She was clear.
Then she was like when I saidhe can do better, I was talking
about you, but you can't just gothrowing yourself at.
You know men who are engaged,so you have to go about it the
right way, kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (43:15):
Correct and see, even in love and basketball.
You know he had his issues.
You know, like you said, withhis father.
You know cheating on his mother, who I love, his mother, that's
her name, debbie Morgan.
Yes, debbie Morgan.
And she had her struggle withher mother.
Her mother wanted her to begirly, like her sister, who was

(43:37):
Regina King.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Nope, who was Regina Hall?
Regina Regina King.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
Regina Hall, look, said it bold and was wrong, did
you?
Regina Hall is who I meant, iswho I meant?
Um, and because her mothercouldn't understand, like, why
are you playing this basketballgame?
You should be in the kitchen,you should be, more you know,
like me.
And she didn't.
She didn't want to do that, soshe was going through her own

(44:03):
thing with her mother, but Ijust, I don't know, I don't know
.
That's one of my faves too.
That's one of my faves Now,this one that we're getting
ready to talk about is.
I could quote probably Most ofthem.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
So take it out.
What are we talking about?
He sang it.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
God, baby boy, who again?
We have to Raji P Henson and wehave Tariq.
Yeah, such that was such aPassive aggression.
He was so he was just ahorrible terrible, no good, very

(44:46):
bad person.
Yes, it was.
I mean would take her car andjust was.
Was was cheating on her withsomeone she worked with.
I mean it was just as ushersaid no ain't no good is all bad
, just he's a little bit raggedy.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Yes, he was.
What was your favorite line inthat one?
So I will say this I do nothave a favorite line of baby boy
, because I have not.
What this is not.
Don't judge me, this is not oneof my favorite movies.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
Mmm.
Unstable, unstable creatures.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
I am not.
Yeah, omar.
Um, like I said, I enjoyed it.
I've I've only seen it.
I probably only seen it all theway through twice, which is
saying not a lot.

Speaker 2 (45:38):
It was so it was so dysfunctional, it just Mmm it
was.
It was very disfigured.
I mean it was so much wrongwith him, I mean in that movie
that he did just, oh my god had,you know, was had a baby by her
.
Someone else would take her car, go see someone else.
Just, oh god, just.

(46:01):
I actually like the movie,though Um fools rush in.
This is one of the ones that wetalked about.
Never seen the movie that is onmy list to watch, but how do
you view this movie differentlynow than when you originally
watched it?

Speaker 1 (46:18):
And I think I shared a little bit about this one
where they have a one nightstand.
She comes up pregnant and comesto find him and tells them and
they decide that what theyshould do is get married and
that is not a good idea for amultitude of reasons.
But also there are somesignificant cultural differences

(46:40):
.
He is like a wasp from New Yorkand she is Mexican Mexican
descent, like they live rightover the board, kind of saying,
and she goes to visit her familymakes go a lot and it's a very
traditional Mexican family andit's they have had no
discussions that they literallyget married without originally

(47:00):
knowing each other's last namesand they but isn't that what
usually one night stands are?

Speaker 2 (47:07):
Do you really know the person's name?

Speaker 1 (47:09):
Yes, but you don't usually marry that person True
to show.
That's the whole point of theone night stand.
You don't see them anymore.
You sometimes don't even knowtheir first name, and I say this
with full confidence as aperson who has never actually
had one night stand.
So I assume this is how itworks.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
I assume too.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
But yes, I feel like you should never like marry a
person whose last name you don'tknow.
But I also don't think youshould get married simply
because you are pregnant either,and that's I'm sure there are
some people throwing darts at meright now.
They probably are.
But so I, while it seems like,like I said, it was the first

(47:50):
time I watched it.
It seemed wonderfully romanticand, oh my gosh, I got to make
the life together and they'regoing to be happy and they end
up back together at the end.
But again, like all thesepeople because it's not really
good if they don't end up backtogether at the end they go
through a lot of stuff theywould not have had to go through
if they'd taken some time toget to know each other, even if
they had taken some time to getto know each other while they

(48:12):
were co parenting.
So I think they it is.
It is foolish to assume thatyou can just jump into a
marriage and it's easy to getout of, because you have decided
that you don't want your childto be born out of wedlock.

Speaker 2 (48:26):
So I really have got to see that one.
That's.
That's very interesting.
You have still thinking on thecolor purple because that whole
thing.
It's funny how, even back inthe day, where you would have
someone that's older, underage,because she was, I mean, you
know, I mean I guess she waswhat, she was still in school

(48:48):
and you're marrying this big,grown, rusty man.

Speaker 1 (48:51):
But that's how it worked back then for a lot of I
know.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
I know that's what I'm saying it's it's.
It's funny to see how thingswork back then and to see how
things have really, reallychanged now.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
So that brings me to another thought of something
Eric and I had a conversationabout.
Okay, maybe just yesterday oh,tell me how I like to pivot.
So, yeah, we were, I was onlineand I was looking at I prepared
online often and so I waslooking for something that we

(49:24):
might talk about and I cameacross and this is how it
started a video of a womanproposing.
So this conversation we hadtook a lot of turns.
One it was about and let mefinish this list women proposing
, and there were a lot of peoplein the comments saying one
women should never propose, menshould propose.

(49:46):
And then it turned into aconversation around asking of
permission, which is how whatyou said got me to this point,
because I was thinking peopleused to marry that young and
they would make you know therewere dowries and people would
give their kids away, basicallyto have one less mouth to feed.
So they would, you know, marrythis young girl off.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
So, like you mean at, you mean let me, let me, let me
make sure I'm hearing youclearly.
You mean the man asking herfather.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
No, sometimes these things would be arranged like
with example, he, like you know,he needed somebody to take care
of them, ready to kids andclean his house.
So it wasn't I'm a hire made isI'm a good wife because that's
cheap.
And her father was like well,okay, if you give me this money
quote, unquote, dowry you candon't take off.

(50:35):
And so it got to the point and,like I said, there is a lot of
time back here about asking theparents permission or blessing
for the woman's hand in marriage.
So it's kind of a two parter.
How do you feel about peopleasking the parents for either
permission or slash a blessingprior to proposing, and how do

(50:56):
you feel about women proposing?

Speaker 2 (50:59):
Okay, so we're going to start with the latter,
because Anita and I anotherperson from the group chat just
had this conversation a coupleof weeks ago, okay, and I asked
her what she thought about it,and so she was like I don't
think she'd care about me sayingthis because it's not really

(51:22):
anything, but she's like shedoesn't have to do that, that
she feels like she's a big,grown age, of whatever age she
is.
Maybe she doesn't want peopleto know her age, but you know,
and she feels like you know,there are two grown people that
her fiance wouldn't have to dothat.
And, matter of fact, I want tosay, but I want to say for sure,

(51:44):
but I think she said she didn'twant him to do that, or he
didn't have to do that For me.
I don't care, I, you know, I'ma traditional girl, so I'd steal
what like, if I were, you know,to get married.
I would like that.
As far as a woman proposing it,just some things just need to

(52:12):
not change and I think that'sone of them.
Let the man be the main.
I feel like he is the hunter heshould propose.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
So what you are saying to me, this is how I hear
that, and okay, let me prefacethis by saying I was proposed to
so but I feel like what ishappening now is that men are
not being, they're notpracticing any integrity around
that, and so they have women outhere who believe that, who feel

(52:47):
that, who think that and wantthat for their lives, but
they're out here together five,six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11,
12, 15 years, wanting to bemarried, living in a way that
they're supposed to act like awife to this man who hasn't
proposed, and they can't do itbecause his ego is so fragile.

(53:10):
He feels like that'semasculating him if they propose
.
So she's just sitting aroundwaiting on what she wants the
next step of her life to be,when they've had multiple
discussions about it, but shecan't move forward, and so then
she ends up 35, 40, 45, 50 in asituation she don't want to be

(53:32):
in.
He's giving you, your answer.
But that's the thing that's.
I believe that I agree with you, but when her mindset is that I
got to wait on him to proposebecause even she go to the next
guy, she don't want toemasculate him by asking, like
why are these men getting todetermine what your life is like

(53:55):
?
If you want to marry somebody,why can you not ask them?
I don't understand that.
I think all of that goes handin hand with the ownership of
somebody asking somebody'spermission to ask you to marry
them, like the only decision shehas in this is she can marry
him or not marry him and she canleave if he don't marry.

(54:16):
But if she wants to marry thisperson, she's not allowed to ask
him.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
What if he don't?
Obviously you don't want tomarry her.
I mean, that's obvious, becauseif he wanted to marry her, he
would have proposed to her.
And here's in, here's my bigthing of that you got, and I'm
going to tell you what, what,what men like to do, you propose
.
He says, yes, probably didn'treally want to do it, but I'll
do it.

(54:41):
You know.
First argument well, I didn'twant to marry you anyway.
You're the one who proposed tome.
I'm telling you they're goingto say that I'm telling you.
I'm telling you, I'm tellingyou, I'm going to be a whole bit
no, just that, it's a no for me, it's an absolute no for me.
You're going to have to man upat some point.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
I'm sorry.
I do believe this is one of thethings that should change.

Speaker 2 (55:07):
I don't believe it will, so you, would you propose
if you were not married and youwanted to get married and he was
moved slow with.
You know about proposing, andbecause I'm a whole big
proponent is people do what theywant to do.
People do what things that areimportant to them.

Speaker 1 (55:27):
Yeah, I agree, people do that Make time for things
that are important to them.
I will say this I, in the veryfirst conversation I had with my
husband, I was like I am aperson who wants to be married,
I am a person who wants to besomebody's mother.
Are those things that you want?
Because I don't have that kindof time and I was 22.
It was like like we're not justgoing to be sitting around here

(55:47):
.
We did, we did well, things up,shack up, but we did that for
like a year and a half.
We were engaged before the endof the first year.
We knew each other.
So I don't know.
I've never been in thatsituation to be able to say what
I propose, but I can'tconfidently be like no, I

(56:08):
wouldn't or yes, I would.
I think you have a part.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
You don't, you can't, you.
You've never been in thatsituation.
But you know whether or not youwould do it, mine is an
absolute no, wouldn't do it.
Period, point blank.

Speaker 1 (56:19):
I would not do it for me.
I'd have to be, I'd have to bein the situation and be at a
point where that was a decisionI had to make, like I had to
decide whether or not I wantedto propose, or just you know.
Okay, so what?

Speaker 2 (56:34):
then what?
What in your mind when I sayyou, you understood who's dead
in Spanish?
Um, well, what?
What in your mind?
How are you playing thissituation in your mind as to why
he has not asked you to marryhim?

(56:54):
And it could be where you knowhe doesn't have the money.
Let's be clear no one is evergoing to have the right amount
of money that they feel likethey should when it's time to
get married, Just like oh, I'mgoing to wait for the perfect
time to have children.
No one ever has children wherethey think they should.
I should have a little bit moremoney.
No one.
That never happens.
So stop saying that, people.

Speaker 1 (57:12):
It never happens Unless you just Anything it can
be.
You know past experiences thathe had.
It can be like he too could bescared of rejection.
Like you said, he might thinkthat you know, I don't have
enough money to get her thisring, so I got to wait.
Like it can be a number ofthings.
I do think what is importanthere is that if you are planning

(57:36):
to propose to somebody, nomatter your identified gender,
if you are planning to proposeto somebody, y'all need to be on
the same page, that y'allactually want to marry, and not
just marry, but marry oneanother.
I agree Because I think, likeyou said, to the point where a
lot of women do propose, theydon't seem to know their partner

(57:59):
well enough when they proposeto these men, they don't seem to
know them well enough to knowthat this is going to make them
terribly uncomfortable or makethem feel emasculated.
Like you've got to know whoyou're proposing to, no matter
who you are.
Like you have to know thatmaybe this is not a public
spectacle, I don't know.
Yeah, sorry y'all, I don't.

(58:20):
I think there's a very privatemoment?
I don't I think you should knowthat.
You know they want this kind of.
They don't want a big elaboratething, even if it is private.
They want something at thehouse, just y'all, something
that's meaningful.
Going back to a you know firstdate restaurant or something

(58:40):
that's you know, and then doingit when you get home, like
making a thing.
It needs to be about the two ofyou and not production, like I
don't need you to have aproduction about you know budget
for your proposal.
That's ridiculous in my opinion.
Some people love that, so EricGilliam did not propose to me
with a whole lot of hooplabecause that ain't me.

Speaker 2 (59:02):
You have to know who you're dating.
Yes, also, too, I think that'simportant for you do, because
also, like you were saying,being a masculine now, when you
do a whole public spectacle andpomp and circumstance, now, if
she's going to propose, is hejust saying yes so he won't
embarrass you?
I mean, all this you have tolook at.

(59:25):
I mean, maybe he's saying yesbecause he wants to, oh no, but
I know a lot of times whenpeople put on the spot, a lot of
times some people just say no,I don't want to do it.
But a lot of times when peopleput on the spot so they won't
look like the bad person orembarrass the other person,
they'll just say what they thinkpeople want to hear.
But I do agree with you when yousay you should know your

(59:48):
partner, and that goes back tohaving these conversations.
I think a lot of times, becausethere was something and I think
I sent you yesterday onInstagram little Duvall had
posted it.
Can I send you that onInstagram?
And these ladies were talkingabout if you haven't been
married over the age of 40, howhard it is.

Speaker 1 (01:00:08):
No, I'm going to have to go back and see that so we
can talk about that.
Look at that really, reallyquickly.

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
I sent it to you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:13):
Oh, I did see the beginning of this.
Why is 40 the magic number,though?

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
Well, I remember, I remember being at my job and my
friend, co-worker, tommy, said,and I never will forget he said
if a woman is not married overthe age of 35, something is

(01:00:41):
wrong with her.
And I remember getting into awhole big thing with him about
that.
But that why is 40?
I don't know, because I guesspeople assume by the age of 40
that they think something iswrong with you, or maybe she
just Maybe she didn't want tomarry one of the most raggedy

(01:01:02):
people she knew.
Maybe she didn't want to getmarried, maybe she was focused
on her career, who knows whatthe situation may have been.
But I wanted you to see thatbecause it goes along with what
I'm about to say.
I think people tend to not wantto have these hard
conversations, especially ifthey want to get married,
because not everybody wants toget married.
This is specifically for peoplewho want to get married and I

(01:01:25):
feel like maybe if you're of acertain age 40 or up you don't
want to rock the boat.
So, oh my God, I don't want tosay this.
What if I ask him this and heruns off?
That means that person wasn'tfor you.
You should be able to.
If this is the person you feellike you want to spend the rest
of your life with, you should becomfortable in having those
conversations.

(01:01:45):
Hey, do you want children?
Hey, do you want a big wedding?
Hey, do you even want to getmarried?
Because if you don't want tohave children, if you really,
really, really want to havechildren, and you're dating
someone who doesn't want to havechildren, you're wasting time.
Now maybe that person, he orshe, they change their mind, but
you're just wasting time datingsomeone and you realize, oh,

(01:02:08):
this person really doesn't wantto have children.
You have to, no matter what theanswer may be, no matter
whether he may run or he may run.
You have to have those hardconversations in the beginning,
because how else would you know?
I agree with you, I think youalso have to know yourselves.

Speaker 1 (01:02:30):
You do.
I think you definitely have toknow yourselves.
I want to talk more about this.
We got to get wrapped up aswhat Nate was just about to say
who?

Speaker 2 (01:02:42):
are we shouting out today?

Speaker 1 (01:02:46):
Well, I guess it kind of goes along with.
You got to get to know yourself.
Today we are shouting out acounselor, melody Morel, and
again it's Melody Morel fromHappy Balanced U Counseling and
Consulting.
She is certified and verifiedby Psychology Today, located in

(01:03:08):
Columbia, South Carolina area.

Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:03:11):
Melody Morel, and that's happybalanceducom,
Counseling and consulting.
Again, we like to be fullytransparent.
This is my little cousin andshe is doing it big in this
space helping you become ahappier, balanced you.
So please do check her out,happybalanceducom, and we'll add

(01:03:36):
this to the show notes MelodyMorel check her out, all right.

Speaker 2 (01:03:41):
Well, please again, let's say it one more time
Melody Morel check her out athappybalanceducom Counseling and
consulting.

Speaker 1 (01:03:52):
One thing I want to add before we go.
We have we talked to, wethanked our listeners and our
social media followers.
We want to do that again, butwe also want to point out we now
have a UK listener too.
So, yay, we're expanding ourglobal reach.
Yeah, shout out.

Speaker 2 (01:04:10):
That is amazing.
That is because last weekwasn't it a?

Speaker 1 (01:04:15):
German listener.
Yeah, so now we have folks inmultiple countries.
Look at us.

Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
All right, all right, that is so.
That's exciting news.
Well, guys, as always, we havethoroughly enjoyed it.
I love this.
I think we should continue thisabout the movies and because I
just think that you can so manythings that you can pivot in,
but we should talk about songsnext time, songs that we looked

(01:04:44):
at differently now as beingadults.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Oh, now, that's going to be a good one.
That's going to be a good one.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
So what do we always say?
I guess we'll see you, liz, seeyou in the group chat.
No-transcript.