June 4, 2024 • 47 mins
In this special episode of the Agent Rise Podcast, host TJ McGraw sits down with Mindi Kessenich to explore how to maintain balance in your real estate career amidst life's unpredictable challenges. Discover practical strategies to stay grounded, prioritize your well-being, and effectively manage your business, even when life feels overwhelming. Tune in for an inspiring conversation that delves into overcoming personal and professional obstacles, finding resilience, and rising above adversity.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Neil Mathweg (00:00):
As a real estate agent managing your career can be incredibly
(00:03):
challenging, especially when it feelslike everything is out of control
in this special episode, TJ McGrawinterviews, mini Castic to explore how
to balance your real estate businessadmits life's unpredictable challenges.
By the end of this episode, you'lldiscover strategies to stay grounded,
prioritize your wellbeing andeffectively manage your business.
(00:24):
Even when life feels overwhelming.
Without further ado here is TJMcGraw interviewing Mindy cat's neck.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I'm excited to be, um, the, the (00:32):
undefined
designated interviewer for the Asianrise podcast is such an honor that I,
that Neil trust me with, with this honor.
And I'm really excited todaybecause it's, I'm kind of, uh,
co hosting here with Mindy and Iget to, I get to interview Mindy.
And before we get into whywe're doing this right now, like
(00:55):
Mindy, welcome to your own show.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Thanks, TJ. (00:58):
undefined
It's an honor to be interviewed byyou because, you know, you asked if I
had anything specific I wanted you toask and the answer is absolutely not.
You are incredible at this role, soI'm excited to have this conversation.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: you. (01:09):
undefined
Thanks for saying that.
So, so I still believe it's awork in progress, but I did.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: you were great. (01:13):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: It's, it's, I definitely love learning (01:14):
undefined
and having conversations with people.
And this is really, um, anoutlet for me to do that.
But so, so here's why we're doing this.
If you're listening out there, um, ifyou were not at the agent rise summit,
shame on you, you should have been there.
No, just kidding.
We get your tickets for next year.
Um, it's, it was, it was such anawesome event and the first year
(01:35):
was great down in Fort Myers, whichis technically the second year
where the first one was in Madison.
Um, that was an awesome,awesome, intimate event.
This year was I mean, Neil reallyknocked it out of the park and, and
I went like way above and beyond.
And he kept the intimacy of thatoriginal or the first Fort Myers summit.
(01:58):
And he added so muchmore value and so much.
We had an awesome eventspace where we're at.
So I just can't wait tosee what happens next year.
So that's like the quickplug for, for the summit.
I think you, I do agree.
Mindy was that?
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: absolutely. (02:12):
undefined
The venue was incredible and downtownFort Myers is just such a perfect spot
for it because there's so many places togo afterwards and hang out and connect.
And that's what, wherethe magic happens really.
It's there's so much thathappens in the, in the room.
And when you get together with incredibleleaders in our industry, uh, like
that, but then to be able to belly up.
(02:33):
Yeah.
With them afterwards and just get,go deeper is where the magic happens.
And Fort Myers is just agreat place to do all of
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (02:39):
undefined
It's with the palm trees and the,the weather is, was gorgeous.
It's very
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: The outdoor patios and, oh, (02:43):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: definitely. (02:45):
undefined
So, so this leads us to why we'rehere, why I'm interviewing Mindy today.
It's Mindy was on stage, had a,a keynote speech, you know, talk.
Um, and if you, if you, if you, if youlisten to the podcast, you've heard her
story in pieces probably here and there.
Um, but she kind of laid it all out for usand I was, I was blown away by her story.
(03:07):
By how natural you were Mindy onthe stage and just how, and it was
amazing because you're, you're, ifyou weren't there, her speech was
about, um, um, correct me if I'm wrongabout authenticity, being vulnerable
and just being true to yourself.
And you did exactly that.
You don't only talk about it,you were doing that on the stage.
So it was pretty, it waspretty awesome to see.
(03:29):
And I love to see your,your growth and all that.
And, and like watching it happen.
I was, I was, I'm glad I was a witnessto it, but I think that you only had what
a half hour was it about a half hour.
And there was, I had a lot of questionsthat I wanted to ask, and I wanted
a little more clarification on somethings that I know you've talked
(03:50):
about in the past and, and all that.
So here's why we're doing this becauseI and I think others out there, I
know Neil is a little bit, wants to,wants to hear a little more as well.
Um, like I want to diga little deeper into.
Your, what you talked aboutfrom the stage at the summit.
So let's start with, for those ofyou who weren't at the summit, give
us like the, the summary of, ofwhat your, what your talk was about.
(04:14):
And like, put it all together.
I know people have heard the story.
And here and there in pieces perhaps,but you really put it together for us.
So go give us the summary.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yeah. (04:22):
undefined
You know, so basically my whole life cameto a head and I basically hit rock bottom,
uh, within a matter of several months.
And, uh, the beginning of the end was.
As I've talked about on thepodcast, my husband and I
were building our dream home.
We were in, in the middle of spendingmore money than we ever thought in our
(04:44):
entire lives that we could or would.
And I found out that hehad, um, gotten into some.
Trouble financially with his businessthrough COVID and all of that.
And he was trying to get out of it onhis own and had not been successful.
And I found out in the middle of thisbuild that he, that we were several
(05:05):
hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.
And, um, that was a very scary timeof my life, obviously, because I
thought that I thought I was being veryfinancially responsible in our decision
to build our dream home and sink allof this money into, uh, This home.
Um, and I would not have donethat had I known about the
(05:27):
business debt that he had accrued.
And I could only pity myself for solong because shortly after that, my,
our house finished and my dad and hisgirlfriend moved into our basement without
necessarily our full permission and thentold us that they were going to be staying
with us for two years again, without.
(05:51):
Really having an agreement or aconversation, we had offered our
home, our basement up for them forthe summer months, and they just
decided single handedly that theywere going to move in at the same
time as we moved into our dream home.
And it, uh, it created this, thistension because along with them came
(06:11):
a dog, a motorcycle, three cars,two trailers, a boat, and an RV.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Wow. (06:17):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: so all of a sudden I felt like (06:18):
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I went from feeling at the topof the world, like I did it.
I, I arrived in real estate to the pointwhere I can afford to build my dream home.
And within a couple of months fromthere, I thought that I was going to
feel like peace and freedom in someareas and all of a sudden now I'm scared.
(06:40):
I'm full of fear.
My husband betrayed me.
I got the rug was pulled out fromunderneath me from financial standpoint.
And then I lost all of our, welost all of our peace and freedom
as far as now we were basicallymoving into a duplex with family.
That was not the plan.
That was not my dream.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (07:00):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Um, and. (07:01):
undefined
And all of that sort of just happened.
And it was like, it just, I mean, that's,that's what my rock bottom looked like.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (07:10):
undefined
And, and I, and all the while, likeyou're, you're running a team and you're,
you're responsible that, and I canrelate to this, like it's really hard to
lead others when you're going through.
Like challenges andespecially deep challenges.
Like if I'm cause I've, I've had, youknow, situations where I'm like, man,
(07:30):
I need a commission check because I gotthis debt or I have to, this bill's coming
up and I'm trying to lead a team andI'm feeling a little inadequate because
I'm like, I'm supposed to be this, youknow, Great example of, of what it's
like to be successful in real estate.
And at, but at the same time, I'mlike, you know, my commission breath
is starting to start to come out.
(07:51):
Not really, but you know what I mean?
There's like this inadequate inadequacythat I feel so I can, I can imagine that.
Like, did you feel any of that as you werelike leading the team, like any kind of
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Oh, a hundred percent. (08:01):
undefined
And my, my team had gotten to so bigthat I couldn't, I, it was like herding
cats because one thing that I'velearned about team leadership is that
you have to make sure your priority hasto be your culture and it has to be.
Interviewing agents just as much asthey're interviewing you as a team
(08:22):
leader, because if you lose cultureand if you, if you, I grew to, I had
12 agents, I think, on my team as Iwas going through all of this, they
all had different levels of experience.
Most of them were brand new.
They all had different needs as faras like how to learn and how to train.
And I was like, Well, a team of brandnew agents is not going to be bringing
(08:44):
in income, but they're going to be takingup a lot of my time and I don't have the
energy to, to put into my own business.
So absolutely.
I was at this, I was in this positionwhere I'm like, I don't, I don't know
how to prioritize this little tiny bitof energy that I have left over in a day.
After I just take care of keepingmyself together emotionally.
(09:05):
I mean, I, I started, I started.
Every single day I would gofor an hour or two hours a day
and just walk in the woods.
And that was at a minimum because I,that's that I had to just keep doing
what I needed to do to just keep myselfin a, in a stable mental situation.
(09:26):
And then from there, I had a little bitof energy to give, and I had to decide,
like, do I give it to these agents?
Do I try to put it into my own business?
And, and ultimately,of course, my business.
Absolutely floundered that year.
Um, and thankfully the good thingthat happened is my team did end up.
dwindling itself down to the coregroup of agents that really I
(09:48):
should have, I should have kept andstayed with from the very beginning.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah, it's the evolution of a, of (09:52):
undefined
a, of a team leader is certainlyI've, I could, I could have,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: at the same (09:58):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I have a similar, similar experience, (09:59):
undefined
but, um, I want to, now you, this is,this is rock bottom, as you said, this
is your, this is your rock bottom.
You're like, this is not at all thedream that you had anticipated when
you, when you started, um, making yourdream a reality by building this home.
That you're going to live in with yourfamily and it's going to be amazing.
(10:19):
And you've, you've arrived and now allof a sudden there's this crippling debt.
There's a family member thatis taking advantage, which
there's backstory to that.
We're not going to go too deep intothat, but there's, you know, it's
not, it's not like it's a, it's a dadwho's been there all your life and.
And was nurturing.
And now you're like giving himback cause he was ill or something.
(10:40):
He was taking advantage if, if I, youknow, to put it, to put it bluntly.
So, but all the while, like there'ssomething that you didn't mention from
the stage, which I was surprised youdidn't mention it, but the speech was
so complete as it, as it was, your talkwas so complete as it was like, he,
you didn't, you didn't even have to addit in and it might've been like really
heavy if you did, but you have been.
(11:03):
At the same time you discoveredyou were, had, had a, we're, we're
suffering health issues as well.
Right.
So give, give us just alittle snippet of that.
Like on top of all this otherstuff, like, wait, there's more.
\ riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, and you know, from what I've (11:13):
undefined
learned and I, I just have to alsosay that I really, and I know we're,
we're going to get into, this a littlebit later on, but I'm at a point
now where I can be really gratefulfor everything that I went through.
And one of the things that I think Irealize now looking back is that likely
(11:35):
everything that I had gone throughis what exasperated my health issues.
So when I was in my early twenties, Ifound out that my kidney function was not.
Um, ideal.
It was not a hundred percent of whatit should have been for a Young 20
something year old, uh, which wasn'tnecessarily a huge shock because
my grandmother had kidney failure.
My mom has already receiveda kidney transplant and she's
(11:58):
currently waiting for a second.
So she has had kidney failure.
And so it wasn't a huge surprisein my early twenties that.
I did not have perfect kidney function.
However, I was, I had remained verystable in my kidney function for a very
long time at a place where I really,really wasn't doing anything about it.
(12:19):
And through all of this, I unfortunatelylearned that my kidney function
had gone, gotten a lot worse.
And I had gotten into, I had falleninto a stage of kidney failure or sorry,
not kidney failure, um, kidney disease.
That is scary because it isheaded towards that, that F word.
(12:40):
And, um, I try, I try not to saythat word when I'm especially talking
about my health and my kidneys, butanyways, and so I had gotten, um, I
had learned that my, my Kidney functionhad also declined during this period.
And again, when I look back,it's just, it's, our health is
so much tied into our stress.
(13:03):
And it's like, it's not, in my opinion,it's not a coincidence that I had this
betrayal that happened with my husband.
And then I had this betrayal and,and situation that happened with my
biological dad, which, because likeyou said, I, I, Did not know him.
I didn't meet him until I was inmy middle thirty, mid thirties.
(13:24):
And then he, you know, he walked into mylife and I romanticized this relationship
and I thought it would heal all of theabandonment issues that I had in my heart
by meeting him and if I could win himover, which I did, I bent over backwards
and I won him over so much to the pointwhere he wanted to move in with me.
And then it kind of all, I, you know, itkind of hit me in the face, like, maybe
(13:49):
This isn't about him loving me and thisisn't about healing the abandonment.
This is about somebody who isjust really out for himself.
And I, I was feeling a need that he had.
And then when I put my foot downand said, I can't, I can't provide
you housing for two years straight.
That's just not something that Ican do, especially while I'm trying
(14:12):
to fix my marriage and my finances.
And once I wasn't able to provide.
Something for him.
I wasn't I wasn't enough anymore.
I didn't matter and he was okay.
Just walking away from me and my familyand It's no coincidence to me that at
that period of in that period of my lifemy health Also declined because I just
(14:35):
think that it is so much intertwined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (14:37):
undefined
Yeah, it absolutely is.
We are.
You're doing better now.
You're health wise
and everybody's going to
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: well, I've had, Oh yeah. (14:44):
undefined
Cause that's the thing on stage.
I left a whole lot of cliffhangers.
Like nobody knew if I was married, nobodyknew if I had a house, nobody knew.
Like, if I, like, they werelike, are you homeless?
Are you married?
Are you, what is going on?
So let's close some loops for people.
Great idea.
Um, I, at this point, I don't know,With my kidney health, um, I will tell
(15:05):
you I feel better than I have feltin years because I have made a ton of
changes in my health, um, and in myday to day, the way that I eat, drink,
exercise, prioritize, uh, wellness.
Um, and I feel really, really goodfrom a numbers standpoint because I
am an overachiever and I am like, uh,an Enneagram three and numbers and
(15:30):
accomplishments are very important to me.
I have chosen to not have mylabs done for a period of time.
I'm seeing an acupuncturist.
She's watching over me.
I see a naturopath, um, physician.
Uh, and so I'm sort of for now going.
Off of my health and I feel amazing.
(15:50):
And I think I'm going to probably waituntil we're closer to that one year mark
of when I did find out my numbers haddropped just so that I can give my body
a year to heal, but I feel really, Ifeel better than I felt in a really long
time and I'm taking really good care of
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: That's awesome. (16:05):
undefined
Yeah.
Good.
We're happy to see that.
I'm sure everybody listeningis happy to hear that.
I, it's like when you.
When you're, when you're tryingto lose weight and you get on
the scale every single day andyou're like, how did I go up?
How did I go up a pound?
You know, it's like you, maybe you dranka pint of water and that's why you're
up a pound, but yeah, it's maddeningand it's discouraging when you're like
(16:27):
keeping track of the numbers so closely.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yeah, a hundred percent. (16:29):
undefined
And that's what had happened.
I, um, so I found out, I got my labresults in November and I immediately
quit drinking, um, for a period of time.
I, I completely changed literallyeverything that passed through my lips.
Um, and just my whole entire life changed.
And then I got lab results againin January and they didn't really
(16:51):
They improved a little bit, butnot to what I, my expectation.
And so it's, it actuallyset me back mentally.
Um, and so I just decided like, I'mgoing to keep, uh, I'm just going to
stick with the course that I believe in.
Uh, and give my body thetime that it needs and trust.
I actually, um, just a kind of a sidenote that this was a very fascinating
(17:14):
revelation that I came to through thisprocess is, um, One of the things I talked
to my therapist about was my health, andhe asked me if I was trusting my body or
if I was trying to overfunction my body,and that was really fascinating to me.
And so from then on, I have donesome practices to help myself learn
(17:35):
to do the work that I need to do,but also trust my body to do the
healing that it knows how to do.
So that was a really big stepin the right direction that
I hadn't been doing up until
recently.
So
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: yeah. (17:47):
undefined
That's, that's pretty,that's very profound.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: hmm. (17:51):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: So like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. (17:51):
undefined
Like, let's, let's getinto the good stuff though.
You're because you have, Ikeep, I keep repeating this.
And before we got on to record, youlike just refused to be defeated.
You just, you said, no, that'snot, it's not an option.
Life is not going to defeat me.
I'm not going to, you can kickme and you can knock me down,
but I'm not going to stay down.
(18:13):
So what.
Like that, that's hard.
Anybody out there that's had any kindof challenges in life, you know, like
coming back from it is like, it's hard.
So, and you had all these things likeyou, the trifecta, like health, health
relationship and money, like all of thosethings were, were, were, was kicking you.
Like how much of it was mindset?
(18:34):
And how much of it, how much of like, uh,how did you get into action and like, and
like, just, just refuse to be defeated.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, I think that timing is such (18:41):
undefined
an important role in our lives.
And I know that I was prepared foreverything that tried to take me
out, um, through, you know, the,the mindset work and the coaching
that I had done up until that point.
I didn't know that I was prepared forit, obviously, but I do think that,
(19:02):
um, I was, I, I, TG, I have always feltlike I was created for something great.
Like, I just feel like I havegreatness in me and I am not
going to let that belief go.
And so I will say, I took some time.
And not that I let it defeat me, butI knew that there were deeper issues
(19:26):
that caused me to end up being in the,in some of the situations I was not
necessarily with my husband because notto say I don't have any role in that.
Um, I think that we all have It'slike, you know, your insurance, like
you get dinged when you get rearended because you were there, right?
Like we all have some, even if it'ssmall, we have some responsibility
(19:48):
in everything that happens to usor, or whatever you want to say.
And so the first thing that I didwas I stopped and I said, how.
How did I get here?
How did this happen?
And that is a question that I, the daythat I met my therapist, because that was
my very first step was I need therapy, Ineed therapy, husband, you need therapy.
(20:09):
And that's what, that's what we did.
And the first thing I said to him ishow did, how did, what is my role here?
How did I let this happen?
And he, you know, helped me to, to realizethat I over, I was over functioning.
relationships and I was trying andI was showing up in life and this
is how it helped and kind of tiedinto my real estate career because
(20:31):
as we always talk about building arelationship that you are, uh, building
a real, uh, business that you It'shard to do that when you're a people
pleaser and you're overfunctioningrelationships, because what you do in
those situations is you give so muchof yourself that there's nothing left.
And that's what I had done.
And so during, you know, shortlyafter all of this came to a head,
(20:53):
I took the time that I needed toheal before I, what you're calling,
you know, rise, rose up, right.
Whatever, you know what I'm saying?
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: rising (21:04):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yes. (21:05):
undefined
I, I first sat in those ashes and I lookedinside and I, because I didn't want to
ever find myself in this position again.
And I think the only way that we don'trepeat these huge travesties in our lives
is if we like do some really deep workand we dig deep and figure out how did
(21:25):
this happen, where did this come from?
What is my role in it?
What needs to be healed?
What have I been.
Pushing down and ignoring mywhole entire allowed me to be in
this position that got me here.
And so, and that's what I did.
I took, I took a, I would say a year,but for sure last summer, I called it a
sabbatical and I just, I was like, I'm notoutputting, I will be there for my team.
(21:52):
I will help.
Anybody that comes to me and asks for it.
But when you talk about building abusiness on Agent Rise, like it's
not just sitting back and waitingfor business to come, right.
But that's all I could do in that season.
And I took that season and that's okay.
If you don't take the season thatyou need to heal, that's where you're
going to end I mean, that's whereyou're going to end up repeating
(22:13):
rock bottom time and time again.
I
don't know if I answeredyour actual question.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I (22:19):
undefined
think you did.
And I want to make a distinctionbecause when, when you really
started, openly about this, I knowin my mind, I'm like, wait a second,
like, like Mindy's overachiever overhigh functioning, over functioning.
And then, then, but Idon't think I understood.
The meaning of what overfunctioning really means.
(22:40):
I took it as like a, Mindy's perfect.
Man, he's, Mindy is,Mindy can do no wrong.
Everything's perfect.
She's building her dream house.
want to be Mindy,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Oh (22:48):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: but it's, it's really like, and I've (22:48):
undefined
learned this from you in the, inthe, over the past year or so that's
like being over, overachieving andover functioning is not necessarily.
Like a healthy, best way to approach life.
It's good to be, to be high, to wantto be achiever and high achieving and,
(23:08):
and, and like can function through,um, adversity and all that stuff.
But when you, when you take it to anextreme and correct me if I'm wrong,
cause I'm still, I'm still learning.
When you take it to an extreme, youcan, this is where you find yourself
in kind of challenging situations.
is that
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: that is so fair and I'm glad you (23:26):
undefined
brought that up because I think it'sreally important for people to hear,
especially because I think there's a lotof high functions and overfunctioners
in real estate, and there is a very bigdifference between a high functioning
person and an over-functioning person.
And I think that the biggestdistinction is when you are an over
(23:47):
functioner, you are willing to.
completely destroy everything insideof you to show up and almost manipulate
and control the outcome of everythingabout how people see you, how people
feel about you, about the amount of moneyyou make, about your, the way that you
(24:09):
look, the way that you're perceived.
It's a very unhealthy.
way to live your life.
And I had never even heard the term untila therapist looked me in the eye and
said, you're, you're an over functioner.
I was like, I don't evenknow what that means.
It, but at the same time, I was Like, yes.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: absolutely. (24:28):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: and I'm like, yes, do you, do (24:29):
undefined
you give out awards for those?
Because I think I got the gold.
Um, and so what I, and here'sthe other beautiful thing.
It's just like every other piece ofour personality that we are given.
There is a healthy way to useyour, if you are somebody that
does exhibit some over functioning.
(24:50):
There are opportunities whereyou can, and this is what my
therapist helped me to kind of.
work through is there are opportunitieswhere I can decide, like knowledge is key.
Like you have to recognize like, wow, I, Iam over functioning not just being a high
functioner who can get a lot accomplishedand set high goals and accomplish them.
I am now manipulating and trying tocontrol things at an unhealthy level.
(25:15):
However, now that I am aware ofthis, I'm a really careful, uh, I,
I definitely take a pause before I.
I do make a lot of decisions becauseI need to know, I need to know
inside, like, is this, am I tryingto overfunction this or is this
something that I can actually take on?
And the other thing is, like, my therapisthelped me realize is I can pick up
(25:39):
that overfunctioning and choose it.
Like, yes, this is going to beoverfunctioning, I'm in for it.
I'm up for it.
I'm, I want to do it.
And here is an example.
So my mom is, you know, like I said,she has already had a kidney transplant.
That kidney transplant, that kidneyhas also failed and she's on dialysis
and she's actively looking, was lookingfor a new kidney and she turned to
(26:02):
me and asked to help because, youknow, like I'm a, I'm a marketer.
I'm a, you know, like I'm in real estate.
That's what I do is I matchmake people.
Right.
And I had to really think about like,can I take on this task of helping my
mom find a kidney because it's emotional.
It's a lot of work.
It's a, it's, you know, it's.
It's like selling somethingon Facebook marketplace.
(26:25):
It's a lot of like dialogueand work back and forth.
it's just a lot of things.
And so I had to think about it becauseI, you know, the old Mindy would have
said, yes, I will do it because that wouldhave made me feel like I'm important.
Because this person wants thisfor me, which means I'm important.
That serves what I need out of that,which is to like, to look like this
(26:47):
high achieving, you know, whatever.
The, the new Mindy was I have to thinkabout And so I thought about it and
I, you know, I decided ultimatelythat I probably am the right person
because of my experience in marketingand my, you know, my connections.
I have a very great sphere ofinfluence and all of these things.
Um, I'm the right personand I will do this.
(27:07):
And so I took that role and we ultimatelywere able to find somebody who was, who
was willing to donate on her behalf.
I just to close loops becauseI learned that lesson on stage,
she has not yet received herkidney transplant because she.
It still has to get cleared, but wedid find her what's called a voucher.
Um, which means that once she is cleared,she will be moved way up on the list.
(27:29):
And hopefully she gets that match soon,but the, so just to close that loop.
But the moral of the storyis, is that when you.
you recognize that you have this overfunctioning, it can be used as good.
Just like all of the things thatI went through, I'm choosing.
And this is a big part of the way thatI have been able to rise up, which I
(27:49):
truly feel like I have in the last sixmonths, especially is because I have
chosen to use all of these things thatI've learned about myself, all of these,
um, Things that happened for me, thebetrayal with my husband, the, the, um,
situation with my dad and his girlfriend,all of these things I've chose chosen
to, to use those, make that mask mymessage and really use them to learn and
(28:14):
heal and grow, and that is the beauty.
And again, just a way, like whenyou do realize that these, these,
some of these things that can belooked at as a negative attribute.
you can really decide to use in yourbenefit if you can learn a healthy
way to implement them into your life.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (28:31):
undefined
It's it's, I just, I love your storybecause of like the, how you've
turned it around and you've really,you've reframed a lot of things
and you've done a lot of work.
It's not, it's not an easy, we talk aboutreframing your past and all that stuff.
It's work.
So like, don't, don't, you know,be fooled into thinking that it's
(28:53):
an easy thing out there if you'relistening, it's, it's not easy.
It takes work, but it's, it's work.
That's so worth it
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yeah, I want to share this (28:59):
undefined
little story if I can.
I, um, so last summer, like I said, Itook this sort of sabbatical and one
of the things that I did is I foundthis trail that I absolutely love.
It's super long and I would go out andI would hike this trail that would take
me, you know, two hours or more and Iwould do that multiple times a week.
(29:20):
Anytime I, every, every and any daythat I could, I would prioritize that
and I would go out on this trail.
And I would cry my eyes out and Iwould pray and I would just fall apart.
And just, and, and, and unfortunatelythere was a lot of ruminating thoughts
and just intrusive thoughts that wouldhappen on these walks, but it's just
(29:41):
the, the only way, um, that I knew howto deal with what I was going through
at the time and just a couple of daysago, I carved a couple hours out to go
to that trail and it's going to makeme emotional because I realized at the
end of my hike, TJ, that I had beendreaming the whole time I'd been thinking
about what I want to do with my team.
(30:02):
And I'd been thinking about what.
What I wanted to do with my business thisyear and how I want to really take on my
YouTube channel and take it seriously.
And I, I got to the end ofthe hike and it like literally
just stopped me in my tracks.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, this timelast year, I would have been crying
my eyes out, desperately seeking forGod to like save me from my life.
(30:29):
Like I was in the worstplace of my entire life.
One year ago.
And now I like to see how far I'vebeen able to come through all of the
hard work that I have put in everysingle day for the last 365 days
was, was the biggest blessing that Ican ever remember in all of my life.
(30:54):
So it literally went from one of,I can recall, I shared a picture
on stage of me bawling my eyes outbecause I just knew that it was like,
I was like, I need to document this.
Rock bottom moment in my life becauseI knew it would not be forever.
And so literally like within oneyear, if you put in the work.
(31:16):
From your, your rock bottom, maybeyou're not even at rock bottom, but
if you just think about like the, the,the amount of growth that I've been
able to see in myself in all differentlevels and all different areas in one
year, it, it honestly is mind blowingeven to, to myself and just, and I
wouldn't have recognized that if Iwouldn't have been like in this same
(31:39):
hike, in this same one year later andjust like, I, it was, it just hit me.
And I was like, wow, I got through it.
I did it.
Like I survived and I'm thriving now.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (31:53):
undefined
That's awesome.
And what, what a great story.
But I think the lesson there is forthe first step is you took the time for
yourself to go in the woods for two hours.
And.
Just look for at least start looking foran answer and then it slowly kind of, the
(32:14):
answer slowly came and then almost beforeyou knew it, it was all like you, you'd
found a lot of the answers and a lot ofthe, a lot of the, the, the desperate,
seemingly desperate situations you were inthere now, like you can, attack them and
you can
conquer them.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: I'm telling you my, the secret sauce (32:32):
undefined
to life is literally if you haveany struggle that you are wrestling
with, the answer is in nature.
I mean, if you need to go, if you liveon the coast, you can go to the beach.
Lucky you.
Um, I go into the woodscause I'm in Wisconsin and.
(32:52):
Every time I need to untangle anissue or a challenge, a struggle
in my life, that's where I find itis, is outside walking in nature.
And this, in this particular walkto like, I didn't even listen.
I didn't put my headphones in.
I didn't.
Um, well, you know, of course I had myphone because I had to take pictures
(33:13):
of my dog, but other than that, likeI, You know, it was not a distraction.
I just listened to the birds, listened tonature, listened, the, answers come to me.
And it's, I, you know, again, I cameout dreaming and I always say I walk
into the woods, one person, and Iwalk out of the woods, a totally
different person.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I'm with you. (33:33):
undefined
Uh, it runs are like that for me.
I like to.
To run and, and, um, and when, andtrail runs are even more so like that,
because there's not traffic coming by.
I'm not worried about it.
Do I have to jump outof the way of this car?
Cause somebody is texting whilethey're driving, which has
happened, but so yeah,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, and there's just something (33:51):
undefined
about being in like seclusion andlike just being one with nature.
It's just It's my mostfavorite thing in the
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: A hundred percent. (33:59):
undefined
And it kind of, it reminds me of this.
I don't know who said this quote,but there was a quote I heard and
I'm horrible about remembering.
I can remember the quotes.
I just can't remember who said them,but it went something like, um, I know
that worrying works because most ofthe stuff I worry about never works.
It never even happens, which iskind of, it's kind of a funny way of
(34:19):
saying, like, like, the stuff you worryabout is really, most of the time,
it's not even any of your business.
Like it's, it's stuff that'sjust completely beyond control.
Someone else or something else is, is incharge of it and you can't control it.
And that's, most of us worryabout that stuff most of the time.
So when you just get, get grounded, getout into nature, do whatever it is that
(34:42):
where you can get your, a clear headand you can start to see like what.
What you can actually control what'sactually worth when you're expending
so much energy because of all thesedifferent things that are going on and
then health issues on top of it, likeyou've really got to, like, you're,
you're forced to just put energy towards.
The, the, the essential things.
(35:05):
So, and like, oftentimes like worryingabout crazy stuff, that's beyond your
control, like you're, you're in a positionwhere you can kind of release that and
then kind of build yourself back up.
I hope that made sense.
I don't know if that made sense or not.
Basically don't worry so muchabout stuff that you can't control.
And it's because that will bring you down.
(35:27):
It'll, you'll spiral down into this abyss
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: yeah, yeah, I mean when I was going (35:30):
undefined
through the worst of it and I, Iliterally didn't think that my dad and
his girlfriend were going to move out,um, which was, I was just like, I'm,
I'm going to have to move out at that.
And that sounds funny, butthat's how I honestly felt.
Cause I'm like, I can't, I can't do this.
And I remember thinking likethis, there's no solution.
(35:53):
There's, you know what I mean?
And, and I think that that's whatwe do when we start to worry is we
just assume like there's no solution.
And yeah, maybe there isn't a solutionthat we know of, or that we can think
of, but there is a solution and you willget through it, and I think you bring
up a really good point, TJ, is thatlike, if you can, if you can at least.
Table your like, like compartmentalizethem and those, And I'm going to
(36:17):
deal with this issue and it will,and it will resolve itself, right?
It will work itself out a hundred percent.
If you can learn in this and it, andI'm saying learn, because I think
that that is something, um, it's askillset to stop ruminating thoughts.
Um, I know that I have had seasons of mylife where they have like controlled me.
(36:39):
And.
If you can to table those and put andtrain your brain to know, like, we're
going to deal with that, but we'renot going to deal with it right now,
because otherwise what it does is itsteals all your joy from the present.
And that's all we canultimately control is our
present.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: absolutely. (36:57):
undefined
Absolutely.
Yeah, that's a good way to put it.
Like we'll do, we'll deal with it.
Like just settle
down,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: We're going to handle the (37:03):
undefined
problem, but we're going to dealwith it in the woods where we can
give it our full attention andnature can work its way in and.
You know.
Mm
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Absolutely. (37:14):
undefined
Man.
Time has flown.
This has been an awesome conversationbefore we wrap it up though.
Like what are, what aresome like solid tactics?
If somebody is out there feelinglike a little overwhelmed, not
necessarily rock bottom, they'rejust like overwhelmed with.
The, the NRA settlement and they'rethe just things seem a little bit, um,
(37:37):
like they can't see the light at theend of the tunnel through all this.
We, you gave us one tactic is like, getlike, start taking care of yourself,
get to your place, your happy place,for lack of a better description, get
into the woods, go for a run, do whatyou have to do to kind of get yourself.
Um, energized, get your blood flowingand, and give yourself some peace.
What, what other, do youhave any other tactics?
(38:01):
That you would suggest somebody help with
that.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, I think that on a practical (38:04):
undefined
um, your, your mental health, likeyou're only ever going to be as
good as your mental health is.
That's just, there's justno other way around it.
And so does that look like therapy?
Does it look like, um, taking anaudit of what you are going through?
What you're taking in, whether that's,um, what you're eating, like what your
(38:25):
diet looks like, uh, what you're listeningto, what you're watching, how much you're
scrolling, like, just take some auditsas to how well, how are you really taking
care of yourself and your mental healththerapy has been absolutely phenomenal.
Groundbreaking for me to learn moreabout myself and to help me learn to
(38:46):
take accountability for my marriage and,um, our finances and things like that.
I think the other thing, you know,I want to take a quote from Neil.
Uh, Nothing is good or bad,but thinking makes it so.
I mean, it's, it's, I love thatquote because it really is true.
And I know that Neil has always coachedme through both of us through that.
(39:08):
And sometimes I want to tell him to
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I don't, I was about to (39:10):
undefined
say like, I hate it when he
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: I hate it when he says that, (39:12):
undefined
but it, you know, it is, it
is
ultimately the absolutely true.
And so I think that whatever you needto do to get yourself into a mindset
that, that will elevate that energy, thatfrequency, because I hate to admit it, but
it's, it's It's 100, it 100 percent works.
(39:34):
If you can stay in that higherfrequency of trusting that everything
is going to be okay, money is goingto come in, buyers are going to find
you just keep putting your heartand soul into what you believe in.
And it's, it's going to,it will all work out.
I promise.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah, it, it will. (39:52):
undefined
So where, where your focus goes,where you're, how's that saying?
Go, I always mess it upwhere your focus goes.
Energy
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: flows. (39:59):
undefined
where you're, where your focus goes.
Energy flows maybe
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: that sounds right. (40:07):
undefined
We get the gist of it.
We get the gist of it, but yeah,if you're, it's like when you, when
you When you focus on something,you're training your subconscious
mind to look for opportunities,to be aware of opportunities
and things just start to appear
in your life for sure.
And just, just keep, keep at it.
(40:27):
Like if you're.
If you, like, I just switched my nichethe beginning of the year, I really
focused on probate and, um, I'vehad little successes here and there,
but I feel this momentum building.
And I'm like, I've, I've been temptedto be like, this isn't going to work.
I've said to myself and, and, and allowyourself these moments to, if I will
want to give up and be like, this isn'tworking, I'm completely wasting my time.
(40:50):
I can't believe I did.
I put all this energy into this thing.
That's not working.
And then like you quickly snap out of itand just keep, keep going and then just
keep working towards that with the waveof momentum that you're, that you're
on, because things will, will happen.
And the moment I like reframe it.
And decide like, I amdoing the right thing.
(41:12):
Just got to stick with it.
It's a, it's like, it's almost
magical will happen that like
reaffirms that I'm doing the right thing.
I'm on the right path.
Like I'll get a phone call fromsomebody or I'll get a, a lead.
We'll come into my CRMfrom my, my, um, my lead
generation.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: 100%. (41:29):
undefined
Yeah, we are.
We are so much in charge ofall of that in, in our mindset.
And the other thing is, you know,allow yourself to have a temper
tantrum, but make sure it's short.
It's quick, short lived.
I just had this yesterday.
I thought, or the other day I thoughtI was going to have a free, okay.
Yeah.
Weekend, free Saturday, supposedto be 80 degrees and sunny
(41:52):
here in Wisconsin in May.
And that's just like the best
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I didn't know that. (41:55):
undefined
I
didn't know.
that
happened in
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: I know. (41:56):
undefined
And so I'm like, yes, we have no plans.
I'm not working.
I'm going to the farmer's market.
And then I am hangingout by the pool all day.
And the next thing I know, my son has.
A rugby tournament, two hours away
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Oh, (42:14):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: that I got three days notice for, (42:15):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: awesome. (42:18):
undefined
Yeah.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: literal temper tantrum, literal, I was (42:19):
undefined
swearing, I was bashing my head against,I was just so mad, but then I like, so I
allowed myself to be mad and frustratedand whatever, for like five minutes.
Five, maybe it was like 30 minutes.
Okay.
I, it was a long temper tantrum,but then I was like, you know what?
(42:39):
You got to pivot.
You have to switch.
I mean, I could have chosen tobe mad about that for the rest
of the week and the whatever.
Or you can make a pivot and I canstart saying like, You know what?
I'm super excited that my son hasthis opportunity and you know,
like then I go down the rabbit holeof all of the, he's so excited.
It's a new sport to him.
(42:59):
It's like, it's going to be beautiful.
It's, it's not going to be raining.
At least I get to sit outsideand watch him play rugby versus
being in a gym for basketball.
You know, like I start to turn,you can see how I reframed.
That that whole narrative, um, youknow, and then I made sure that I set
boundaries around Sunday because I waslike, Sunday is going to be the same.
And I'm like, I'm not givingup Sunday then, you know, but
(43:20):
my point is we have a choice.
And I'm not saying that thereis never disappointment and
I'm never mad about anything.
I'm never disappointed or never getlike, whatever, but the faster you
learn and you coach yourself and trainyourself to pivot out of those and to
reframe anything into like, all right,and keep yourself up and like happy.
(43:42):
And in that good high frequency, the, the.
The faster things are gonna, like anythingbad is going to turn around and things
are just continue, going to continueto gain momentum for you in your life.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah, a hundred percent. (43:55):
undefined
And I'm glad you mentioned that you,you gave yourself a moment because
a lot of people will, when, when badthings happen or they, if they feel
embarrassment or inadequacy or they're,they're upset about something, especially
when it's a family member, especiallya child where they're excited about
something like we can tend to likestuff our feelings down, ignore it.
(44:15):
And like, we just gotto muster through this.
It's it's, we just have to deal with it.
It's for the kids.
It's for my spouse, it's for my clients.
And we just stuff our, our feelings.
Deep down and we nevergive them the opportunity.
We never give them, this soundsodd, like, like they're a whole
nother person, but we never give ourfeelings an opportunity to be heard,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yep. (44:34):
undefined
Yeah.
I
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: which. (44:35):
undefined
Yeah, so like I, I've learned that like,you have to just give you, like, if you
gotta take a walk outside, like so thatyou know your son doesn't see you or
upset about his rugby tournament thathe's excited about, take a walk, go in
the woods, take a walk, come back, reframeit, but give yourself the opportunity
to kind of, it's almost like you have tomourn the loss of that, that day you were
(44:57):
dreaming about sitting by the pool and not
doing anything.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yep. (45:00):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: you, you have to give it, give it (45:01):
undefined
time.
So definitely don't,like I've heard the, uh.
You get five minutes to whine aboutit and then you got to move on.
I mean, give yourself enough time.
Like, cause if, if you stubyour toe, it's that's one thing.
It's like 30 seconds of like complete,utter meltdown anger for stubbing your
toe, but then like, if something evenworse happens, like you lose a deal that
(45:24):
you were planning on, cause you alreadyput a down payment on something like
you got to give, I think that is wortha little more than five minutes, but you
still just have to be aware of like, I'mgiving you time, I'm listening to what
you have to say this bad emotion and.
I'm going to make the choice to,to reframe it and, and find out
where, what the good in it isand all that, which is great.
(45:46):
Yeah.
I have a soccer tournamentwith my youngest this weekend.
And it's like, it's just farenough away where we're like, we
weren't going to stay overnight.
But I found out her, she has a game in themorning and then she has a game at 6 PM.
So it's like, that was like,Oh, now I got to get a hotel.
And like, and we're, we're close enoughwhere it's like, we didn't really need
(46:07):
to, but because it's so late, like,and she has to go back in the morning.
So anyways, so that that's, I canrelate with it, with the sports
and the tournaments and the last
minute stuff
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: It's like we, (46:17):
undefined
we get coached on settingboundaries in our business, right?
Our whole career.
And then we have these kids whojust like rip any boundaries and any
margin that we like had built up.
They just rip it away from us.
Yes.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: The teachers, the, that the school (46:34):
undefined
band directors are all like, and theyall get their hand out for money too.
I don't know what the heck that
is.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, you don't allow me to, (46:41):
undefined
to work because I have to,be driving my kids all over.
So tip
for you.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (46:46):
undefined
Oh, well, this has been awesome.
I, we,
we've, we've went a while here, but Ithink every minute of it was so worth it.
And, um, did, did you close all the loops?
Did we close the loops?
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: I'm still married and and we are (46:57):
undefined
on pace, um, to pay off a giantchunk of our debt this year.
Um, so that's exciting.
And, uh, My health is TBD, butI mean, I feel great and, uh,
I'm doing everything that I can
(47:18):
to take good care of myself.
So
all
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: well. (47:21):
undefined
we love it.
Yeah, that's important because yougot to stay, you got to be around.
I can't, I couldn't imagine Asianrise, Asian rise without you.
So you have to stayaround just for that Just
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: for that (47:33):
undefined
reason.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: reason. (47:33):
undefined
Well, this has been awesome.
Many.
Thank you so much for, for allowingme to, to ask you a bunch of
questions and clarify a few things.
And wait to see where it
goes from here.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yes. (47:44):
undefined
Thank you so much for the interview, TJ.
It's always a pleasure.
As a real estate agent managing your career can be incredibly
(00:03):
challenging, especially when it feelslike everything is out of control
in this special episode, TJ McGrawinterviews, mini Castic to explore how
to balance your real estate businessadmits life's unpredictable challenges.
By the end of this episode, you'lldiscover strategies to stay grounded,
prioritize your wellbeing andeffectively manage your business.
(00:24):
Even when life feels overwhelming.
Without further ado here is TJMcGraw interviewing Mindy cat's neck.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I'm excited to be, um, the, the (00:32):
undefined
designated interviewer for the Asianrise podcast is such an honor that I,
that Neil trust me with, with this honor.
And I'm really excited todaybecause it's, I'm kind of, uh,
co hosting here with Mindy and Iget to, I get to interview Mindy.
And before we get into whywe're doing this right now, like
(00:55):
Mindy, welcome to your own show.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Thanks, TJ. (00:58):
undefined
It's an honor to be interviewed byyou because, you know, you asked if I
had anything specific I wanted you toask and the answer is absolutely not.
You are incredible at this role, soI'm excited to have this conversation.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: you. (01:09):
undefined
Thanks for saying that.
So, so I still believe it's awork in progress, but I did.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: you were great. (01:13):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: It's, it's, I definitely love learning (01:14):
undefined
and having conversations with people.
And this is really, um, anoutlet for me to do that.
But so, so here's why we're doing this.
If you're listening out there, um, ifyou were not at the agent rise summit,
shame on you, you should have been there.
No, just kidding.
We get your tickets for next year.
Um, it's, it was, it was such anawesome event and the first year
(01:35):
was great down in Fort Myers, whichis technically the second year
where the first one was in Madison.
Um, that was an awesome,awesome, intimate event.
This year was I mean, Neil reallyknocked it out of the park and, and
I went like way above and beyond.
And he kept the intimacy of thatoriginal or the first Fort Myers summit.
(01:58):
And he added so muchmore value and so much.
We had an awesome eventspace where we're at.
So I just can't wait tosee what happens next year.
So that's like the quickplug for, for the summit.
I think you, I do agree.
Mindy was that?
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: absolutely. (02:12):
undefined
The venue was incredible and downtownFort Myers is just such a perfect spot
for it because there's so many places togo afterwards and hang out and connect.
And that's what, wherethe magic happens really.
It's there's so much thathappens in the, in the room.
And when you get together with incredibleleaders in our industry, uh, like
that, but then to be able to belly up.
(02:33):
Yeah.
With them afterwards and just get,go deeper is where the magic happens.
And Fort Myers is just agreat place to do all of
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (02:39):
undefined
It's with the palm trees and the,the weather is, was gorgeous.
It's very
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: The outdoor patios and, oh, (02:43):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: definitely. (02:45):
undefined
So, so this leads us to why we'rehere, why I'm interviewing Mindy today.
It's Mindy was on stage, had a,a keynote speech, you know, talk.
Um, and if you, if you, if you, if youlisten to the podcast, you've heard her
story in pieces probably here and there.
Um, but she kind of laid it all out for usand I was, I was blown away by her story.
(03:07):
By how natural you were Mindy onthe stage and just how, and it was
amazing because you're, you're, ifyou weren't there, her speech was
about, um, um, correct me if I'm wrongabout authenticity, being vulnerable
and just being true to yourself.
And you did exactly that.
You don't only talk about it,you were doing that on the stage.
So it was pretty, it waspretty awesome to see.
(03:29):
And I love to see your,your growth and all that.
And, and like watching it happen.
I was, I was, I'm glad I was a witnessto it, but I think that you only had what
a half hour was it about a half hour.
And there was, I had a lot of questionsthat I wanted to ask, and I wanted
a little more clarification on somethings that I know you've talked
(03:50):
about in the past and, and all that.
So here's why we're doing this becauseI and I think others out there, I
know Neil is a little bit, wants to,wants to hear a little more as well.
Um, like I want to diga little deeper into.
Your, what you talked aboutfrom the stage at the summit.
So let's start with, for those ofyou who weren't at the summit, give
us like the, the summary of, ofwhat your, what your talk was about.
(04:14):
And like, put it all together.
I know people have heard the story.
And here and there in pieces perhaps,but you really put it together for us.
So go give us the summary.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yeah. (04:22):
undefined
You know, so basically my whole life cameto a head and I basically hit rock bottom,
uh, within a matter of several months.
And, uh, the beginning of the end was.
As I've talked about on thepodcast, my husband and I
were building our dream home.
We were in, in the middle of spendingmore money than we ever thought in our
(04:44):
entire lives that we could or would.
And I found out that hehad, um, gotten into some.
Trouble financially with his businessthrough COVID and all of that.
And he was trying to get out of it onhis own and had not been successful.
And I found out in the middle of thisbuild that he, that we were several
(05:05):
hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.
And, um, that was a very scary timeof my life, obviously, because I
thought that I thought I was being veryfinancially responsible in our decision
to build our dream home and sink allof this money into, uh, This home.
Um, and I would not have donethat had I known about the
(05:27):
business debt that he had accrued.
And I could only pity myself for solong because shortly after that, my,
our house finished and my dad and hisgirlfriend moved into our basement without
necessarily our full permission and thentold us that they were going to be staying
with us for two years again, without.
(05:51):
Really having an agreement or aconversation, we had offered our
home, our basement up for them forthe summer months, and they just
decided single handedly that theywere going to move in at the same
time as we moved into our dream home.
And it, uh, it created this, thistension because along with them came
(06:11):
a dog, a motorcycle, three cars,two trailers, a boat, and an RV.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Wow. (06:17):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: so all of a sudden I felt like (06:18):
undefined
I went from feeling at the topof the world, like I did it.
I, I arrived in real estate to the pointwhere I can afford to build my dream home.
And within a couple of months fromthere, I thought that I was going to
feel like peace and freedom in someareas and all of a sudden now I'm scared.
(06:40):
I'm full of fear.
My husband betrayed me.
I got the rug was pulled out fromunderneath me from financial standpoint.
And then I lost all of our, welost all of our peace and freedom
as far as now we were basicallymoving into a duplex with family.
That was not the plan.
That was not my dream.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (07:00):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Um, and. (07:01):
undefined
And all of that sort of just happened.
And it was like, it just, I mean, that's,that's what my rock bottom looked like.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (07:10):
undefined
And, and I, and all the while, likeyou're, you're running a team and you're,
you're responsible that, and I canrelate to this, like it's really hard to
lead others when you're going through.
Like challenges andespecially deep challenges.
Like if I'm cause I've, I've had, youknow, situations where I'm like, man,
(07:30):
I need a commission check because I gotthis debt or I have to, this bill's coming
up and I'm trying to lead a team andI'm feeling a little inadequate because
I'm like, I'm supposed to be this, youknow, Great example of, of what it's
like to be successful in real estate.
And at, but at the same time, I'mlike, you know, my commission breath
is starting to start to come out.
(07:51):
Not really, but you know what I mean?
There's like this inadequate inadequacythat I feel so I can, I can imagine that.
Like, did you feel any of that as you werelike leading the team, like any kind of
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Oh, a hundred percent. (08:01):
undefined
And my, my team had gotten to so bigthat I couldn't, I, it was like herding
cats because one thing that I'velearned about team leadership is that
you have to make sure your priority hasto be your culture and it has to be.
Interviewing agents just as much asthey're interviewing you as a team
(08:22):
leader, because if you lose cultureand if you, if you, I grew to, I had
12 agents, I think, on my team as Iwas going through all of this, they
all had different levels of experience.
Most of them were brand new.
They all had different needs as faras like how to learn and how to train.
And I was like, Well, a team of brandnew agents is not going to be bringing
(08:44):
in income, but they're going to be takingup a lot of my time and I don't have the
energy to, to put into my own business.
So absolutely.
I was at this, I was in this positionwhere I'm like, I don't, I don't know
how to prioritize this little tiny bitof energy that I have left over in a day.
After I just take care of keepingmyself together emotionally.
(09:05):
I mean, I, I started, I started.
Every single day I would gofor an hour or two hours a day
and just walk in the woods.
And that was at a minimum because I,that's that I had to just keep doing
what I needed to do to just keep myselfin a, in a stable mental situation.
(09:26):
And then from there, I had a little bitof energy to give, and I had to decide,
like, do I give it to these agents?
Do I try to put it into my own business?
And, and ultimately,of course, my business.
Absolutely floundered that year.
Um, and thankfully the good thingthat happened is my team did end up.
dwindling itself down to the coregroup of agents that really I
(09:48):
should have, I should have kept andstayed with from the very beginning.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah, it's the evolution of a, of (09:52):
undefined
a, of a team leader is certainlyI've, I could, I could have,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: at the same (09:58):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I have a similar, similar experience, (09:59):
undefined
but, um, I want to, now you, this is,this is rock bottom, as you said, this
is your, this is your rock bottom.
You're like, this is not at all thedream that you had anticipated when
you, when you started, um, making yourdream a reality by building this home.
That you're going to live in with yourfamily and it's going to be amazing.
(10:19):
And you've, you've arrived and now allof a sudden there's this crippling debt.
There's a family member thatis taking advantage, which
there's backstory to that.
We're not going to go too deep intothat, but there's, you know, it's
not, it's not like it's a, it's a dadwho's been there all your life and.
And was nurturing.
And now you're like giving himback cause he was ill or something.
(10:40):
He was taking advantage if, if I, youknow, to put it, to put it bluntly.
So, but all the while, like there'ssomething that you didn't mention from
the stage, which I was surprised youdidn't mention it, but the speech was
so complete as it, as it was, your talkwas so complete as it was like, he,
you didn't, you didn't even have to addit in and it might've been like really
heavy if you did, but you have been.
(11:03):
At the same time you discoveredyou were, had, had a, we're, we're
suffering health issues as well.
Right.
So give, give us just alittle snippet of that.
Like on top of all this otherstuff, like, wait, there's more.
\ riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, and you know, from what I've (11:13):
undefined
learned and I, I just have to alsosay that I really, and I know we're,
we're going to get into, this a littlebit later on, but I'm at a point
now where I can be really gratefulfor everything that I went through.
And one of the things that I think Irealize now looking back is that likely
(11:35):
everything that I had gone throughis what exasperated my health issues.
So when I was in my early twenties, Ifound out that my kidney function was not.
Um, ideal.
It was not a hundred percent of whatit should have been for a Young 20
something year old, uh, which wasn'tnecessarily a huge shock because
my grandmother had kidney failure.
My mom has already receiveda kidney transplant and she's
(11:58):
currently waiting for a second.
So she has had kidney failure.
And so it wasn't a huge surprisein my early twenties that.
I did not have perfect kidney function.
However, I was, I had remained verystable in my kidney function for a very
long time at a place where I really,really wasn't doing anything about it.
(12:19):
And through all of this, I unfortunatelylearned that my kidney function
had gone, gotten a lot worse.
And I had gotten into, I had falleninto a stage of kidney failure or sorry,
not kidney failure, um, kidney disease.
That is scary because it isheaded towards that, that F word.
(12:40):
And, um, I try, I try not to saythat word when I'm especially talking
about my health and my kidneys, butanyways, and so I had gotten, um, I
had learned that my, my Kidney functionhad also declined during this period.
And again, when I look back,it's just, it's, our health is
so much tied into our stress.
(13:03):
And it's like, it's not, in my opinion,it's not a coincidence that I had this
betrayal that happened with my husband.
And then I had this betrayal and,and situation that happened with my
biological dad, which, because likeyou said, I, I, Did not know him.
I didn't meet him until I was inmy middle thirty, mid thirties.
(13:24):
And then he, you know, he walked into mylife and I romanticized this relationship
and I thought it would heal all of theabandonment issues that I had in my heart
by meeting him and if I could win himover, which I did, I bent over backwards
and I won him over so much to the pointwhere he wanted to move in with me.
And then it kind of all, I, you know, itkind of hit me in the face, like, maybe
(13:49):
This isn't about him loving me and thisisn't about healing the abandonment.
This is about somebody who isjust really out for himself.
And I, I was feeling a need that he had.
And then when I put my foot downand said, I can't, I can't provide
you housing for two years straight.
That's just not something that Ican do, especially while I'm trying
(14:12):
to fix my marriage and my finances.
And once I wasn't able to provide.
Something for him.
I wasn't I wasn't enough anymore.
I didn't matter and he was okay.
Just walking away from me and my familyand It's no coincidence to me that at
that period of in that period of my lifemy health Also declined because I just
(14:35):
think that it is so much intertwined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (14:37):
undefined
Yeah, it absolutely is.
We are.
You're doing better now.
You're health wise
and everybody's going to
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: well, I've had, Oh yeah. (14:44):
undefined
Cause that's the thing on stage.
I left a whole lot of cliffhangers.
Like nobody knew if I was married, nobodyknew if I had a house, nobody knew.
Like, if I, like, they werelike, are you homeless?
Are you married?
Are you, what is going on?
So let's close some loops for people.
Great idea.
Um, I, at this point, I don't know,With my kidney health, um, I will tell
(15:05):
you I feel better than I have feltin years because I have made a ton of
changes in my health, um, and in myday to day, the way that I eat, drink,
exercise, prioritize, uh, wellness.
Um, and I feel really, really goodfrom a numbers standpoint because I
am an overachiever and I am like, uh,an Enneagram three and numbers and
(15:30):
accomplishments are very important to me.
I have chosen to not have mylabs done for a period of time.
I'm seeing an acupuncturist.
She's watching over me.
I see a naturopath, um, physician.
Uh, and so I'm sort of for now going.
Off of my health and I feel amazing.
(15:50):
And I think I'm going to probably waituntil we're closer to that one year mark
of when I did find out my numbers haddropped just so that I can give my body
a year to heal, but I feel really, Ifeel better than I felt in a really long
time and I'm taking really good care of
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: That's awesome. (16:05):
undefined
Yeah.
Good.
We're happy to see that.
I'm sure everybody listeningis happy to hear that.
I, it's like when you.
When you're, when you're tryingto lose weight and you get on
the scale every single day andyou're like, how did I go up?
How did I go up a pound?
You know, it's like you, maybe you dranka pint of water and that's why you're
up a pound, but yeah, it's maddeningand it's discouraging when you're like
(16:27):
keeping track of the numbers so closely.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yeah, a hundred percent. (16:29):
undefined
And that's what had happened.
I, um, so I found out, I got my labresults in November and I immediately
quit drinking, um, for a period of time.
I, I completely changed literallyeverything that passed through my lips.
Um, and just my whole entire life changed.
And then I got lab results againin January and they didn't really
(16:51):
They improved a little bit, butnot to what I, my expectation.
And so it's, it actuallyset me back mentally.
Um, and so I just decided like, I'mgoing to keep, uh, I'm just going to
stick with the course that I believe in.
Uh, and give my body thetime that it needs and trust.
I actually, um, just a kind of a sidenote that this was a very fascinating
(17:14):
revelation that I came to through thisprocess is, um, One of the things I talked
to my therapist about was my health, andhe asked me if I was trusting my body or
if I was trying to overfunction my body,and that was really fascinating to me.
And so from then on, I have donesome practices to help myself learn
(17:35):
to do the work that I need to do,but also trust my body to do the
healing that it knows how to do.
So that was a really big stepin the right direction that
I hadn't been doing up until
recently.
So
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: yeah. (17:47):
undefined
That's, that's pretty,that's very profound.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: hmm. (17:51):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: So like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. (17:51):
undefined
Like, let's, let's getinto the good stuff though.
You're because you have, Ikeep, I keep repeating this.
And before we got on to record, youlike just refused to be defeated.
You just, you said, no, that'snot, it's not an option.
Life is not going to defeat me.
I'm not going to, you can kickme and you can knock me down,
but I'm not going to stay down.
(18:13):
So what.
Like that, that's hard.
Anybody out there that's had any kindof challenges in life, you know, like
coming back from it is like, it's hard.
So, and you had all these things likeyou, the trifecta, like health, health
relationship and money, like all of thosethings were, were, were, was kicking you.
Like how much of it was mindset?
(18:34):
And how much of it, how much of like, uh,how did you get into action and like, and
like, just, just refuse to be defeated.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, I think that timing is such (18:41):
undefined
an important role in our lives.
And I know that I was prepared foreverything that tried to take me
out, um, through, you know, the,the mindset work and the coaching
that I had done up until that point.
I didn't know that I was prepared forit, obviously, but I do think that,
(19:02):
um, I was, I, I, TG, I have always feltlike I was created for something great.
Like, I just feel like I havegreatness in me and I am not
going to let that belief go.
And so I will say, I took some time.
And not that I let it defeat me, butI knew that there were deeper issues
(19:26):
that caused me to end up being in the,in some of the situations I was not
necessarily with my husband because notto say I don't have any role in that.
Um, I think that we all have It'slike, you know, your insurance, like
you get dinged when you get rearended because you were there, right?
Like we all have some, even if it'ssmall, we have some responsibility
(19:48):
in everything that happens to usor, or whatever you want to say.
And so the first thing that I didwas I stopped and I said, how.
How did I get here?
How did this happen?
And that is a question that I, the daythat I met my therapist, because that was
my very first step was I need therapy, Ineed therapy, husband, you need therapy.
(20:09):
And that's what, that's what we did.
And the first thing I said to him ishow did, how did, what is my role here?
How did I let this happen?
And he, you know, helped me to, to realizethat I over, I was over functioning.
relationships and I was trying andI was showing up in life and this
is how it helped and kind of tiedinto my real estate career because
(20:31):
as we always talk about building arelationship that you are, uh, building
a real, uh, business that you It'shard to do that when you're a people
pleaser and you're overfunctioningrelationships, because what you do in
those situations is you give so muchof yourself that there's nothing left.
And that's what I had done.
And so during, you know, shortlyafter all of this came to a head,
(20:53):
I took the time that I needed toheal before I, what you're calling,
you know, rise, rose up, right.
Whatever, you know what I'm saying?
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: rising (21:04):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yes. (21:05):
undefined
I, I first sat in those ashes and I lookedinside and I, because I didn't want to
ever find myself in this position again.
And I think the only way that we don'trepeat these huge travesties in our lives
is if we like do some really deep workand we dig deep and figure out how did
(21:25):
this happen, where did this come from?
What is my role in it?
What needs to be healed?
What have I been.
Pushing down and ignoring mywhole entire allowed me to be in
this position that got me here.
And so, and that's what I did.
I took, I took a, I would say a year,but for sure last summer, I called it a
sabbatical and I just, I was like, I'm notoutputting, I will be there for my team.
(21:52):
I will help.
Anybody that comes to me and asks for it.
But when you talk about building abusiness on Agent Rise, like it's
not just sitting back and waitingfor business to come, right.
But that's all I could do in that season.
And I took that season and that's okay.
If you don't take the season thatyou need to heal, that's where you're
going to end I mean, that's whereyou're going to end up repeating
(22:13):
rock bottom time and time again.
I
don't know if I answeredyour actual question.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I (22:19):
undefined
think you did.
And I want to make a distinctionbecause when, when you really
started, openly about this, I knowin my mind, I'm like, wait a second,
like, like Mindy's overachiever overhigh functioning, over functioning.
And then, then, but Idon't think I understood.
The meaning of what overfunctioning really means.
(22:40):
I took it as like a, Mindy's perfect.
Man, he's, Mindy is,Mindy can do no wrong.
Everything's perfect.
She's building her dream house.
want to be Mindy,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Oh (22:48):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: but it's, it's really like, and I've (22:48):
undefined
learned this from you in the, inthe, over the past year or so that's
like being over, overachieving andover functioning is not necessarily.
Like a healthy, best way to approach life.
It's good to be, to be high, to wantto be achiever and high achieving and,
(23:08):
and, and like can function through,um, adversity and all that stuff.
But when you, when you take it to anextreme and correct me if I'm wrong,
cause I'm still, I'm still learning.
When you take it to an extreme, youcan, this is where you find yourself
in kind of challenging situations.
is that
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: that is so fair and I'm glad you (23:26):
undefined
brought that up because I think it'sreally important for people to hear,
especially because I think there's a lotof high functions and overfunctioners
in real estate, and there is a very bigdifference between a high functioning
person and an over-functioning person.
And I think that the biggestdistinction is when you are an over
(23:47):
functioner, you are willing to.
completely destroy everything insideof you to show up and almost manipulate
and control the outcome of everythingabout how people see you, how people
feel about you, about the amount of moneyyou make, about your, the way that you
(24:09):
look, the way that you're perceived.
It's a very unhealthy.
way to live your life.
And I had never even heard the term untila therapist looked me in the eye and
said, you're, you're an over functioner.
I was like, I don't evenknow what that means.
It, but at the same time, I was Like, yes.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: absolutely. (24:28):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: and I'm like, yes, do you, do (24:29):
undefined
you give out awards for those?
Because I think I got the gold.
Um, and so what I, and here'sthe other beautiful thing.
It's just like every other piece ofour personality that we are given.
There is a healthy way to useyour, if you are somebody that
does exhibit some over functioning.
(24:50):
There are opportunities whereyou can, and this is what my
therapist helped me to kind of.
work through is there are opportunitieswhere I can decide, like knowledge is key.
Like you have to recognize like, wow, I, Iam over functioning not just being a high
functioner who can get a lot accomplishedand set high goals and accomplish them.
I am now manipulating and trying tocontrol things at an unhealthy level.
(25:15):
However, now that I am aware ofthis, I'm a really careful, uh, I,
I definitely take a pause before I.
I do make a lot of decisions becauseI need to know, I need to know
inside, like, is this, am I tryingto overfunction this or is this
something that I can actually take on?
And the other thing is, like, my therapisthelped me realize is I can pick up
(25:39):
that overfunctioning and choose it.
Like, yes, this is going to beoverfunctioning, I'm in for it.
I'm up for it.
I'm, I want to do it.
And here is an example.
So my mom is, you know, like I said,she has already had a kidney transplant.
That kidney transplant, that kidneyhas also failed and she's on dialysis
and she's actively looking, was lookingfor a new kidney and she turned to
(26:02):
me and asked to help because, youknow, like I'm a, I'm a marketer.
I'm a, you know, like I'm in real estate.
That's what I do is I matchmake people.
Right.
And I had to really think about like,can I take on this task of helping my
mom find a kidney because it's emotional.
It's a lot of work.
It's a, it's, you know, it's.
It's like selling somethingon Facebook marketplace.
(26:25):
It's a lot of like dialogueand work back and forth.
it's just a lot of things.
And so I had to think about it becauseI, you know, the old Mindy would have
said, yes, I will do it because that wouldhave made me feel like I'm important.
Because this person wants thisfor me, which means I'm important.
That serves what I need out of that,which is to like, to look like this
(26:47):
high achieving, you know, whatever.
The, the new Mindy was I have to thinkabout And so I thought about it and
I, you know, I decided ultimatelythat I probably am the right person
because of my experience in marketingand my, you know, my connections.
I have a very great sphere ofinfluence and all of these things.
Um, I'm the right personand I will do this.
(27:07):
And so I took that role and we ultimatelywere able to find somebody who was, who
was willing to donate on her behalf.
I just to close loops becauseI learned that lesson on stage,
she has not yet received herkidney transplant because she.
It still has to get cleared, but wedid find her what's called a voucher.
Um, which means that once she is cleared,she will be moved way up on the list.
(27:29):
And hopefully she gets that match soon,but the, so just to close that loop.
But the moral of the storyis, is that when you.
you recognize that you have this overfunctioning, it can be used as good.
Just like all of the things thatI went through, I'm choosing.
And this is a big part of the way thatI have been able to rise up, which I
(27:49):
truly feel like I have in the last sixmonths, especially is because I have
chosen to use all of these things thatI've learned about myself, all of these,
um, Things that happened for me, thebetrayal with my husband, the, the, um,
situation with my dad and his girlfriend,all of these things I've chose chosen
to, to use those, make that mask mymessage and really use them to learn and
(28:14):
heal and grow, and that is the beauty.
And again, just a way, like whenyou do realize that these, these,
some of these things that can belooked at as a negative attribute.
you can really decide to use in yourbenefit if you can learn a healthy
way to implement them into your life.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (28:31):
undefined
It's it's, I just, I love your storybecause of like the, how you've
turned it around and you've really,you've reframed a lot of things
and you've done a lot of work.
It's not, it's not an easy, we talk aboutreframing your past and all that stuff.
It's work.
So like, don't, don't, you know,be fooled into thinking that it's
(28:53):
an easy thing out there if you'relistening, it's, it's not easy.
It takes work, but it's, it's work.
That's so worth it
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yeah, I want to share this (28:59):
undefined
little story if I can.
I, um, so last summer, like I said, Itook this sort of sabbatical and one
of the things that I did is I foundthis trail that I absolutely love.
It's super long and I would go out andI would hike this trail that would take
me, you know, two hours or more and Iwould do that multiple times a week.
(29:20):
Anytime I, every, every and any daythat I could, I would prioritize that
and I would go out on this trail.
And I would cry my eyes out and Iwould pray and I would just fall apart.
And just, and, and, and unfortunatelythere was a lot of ruminating thoughts
and just intrusive thoughts that wouldhappen on these walks, but it's just
(29:41):
the, the only way, um, that I knew howto deal with what I was going through
at the time and just a couple of daysago, I carved a couple hours out to go
to that trail and it's going to makeme emotional because I realized at the
end of my hike, TJ, that I had beendreaming the whole time I'd been thinking
about what I want to do with my team.
(30:02):
And I'd been thinking about what.
What I wanted to do with my business thisyear and how I want to really take on my
YouTube channel and take it seriously.
And I, I got to the end ofthe hike and it like literally
just stopped me in my tracks.
And I was like, Oh my gosh, this timelast year, I would have been crying
my eyes out, desperately seeking forGod to like save me from my life.
(30:29):
Like I was in the worstplace of my entire life.
One year ago.
And now I like to see how far I'vebeen able to come through all of the
hard work that I have put in everysingle day for the last 365 days
was, was the biggest blessing that Ican ever remember in all of my life.
(30:54):
So it literally went from one of,I can recall, I shared a picture
on stage of me bawling my eyes outbecause I just knew that it was like,
I was like, I need to document this.
Rock bottom moment in my life becauseI knew it would not be forever.
And so literally like within oneyear, if you put in the work.
(31:16):
From your, your rock bottom, maybeyou're not even at rock bottom, but
if you just think about like the, the,the amount of growth that I've been
able to see in myself in all differentlevels and all different areas in one
year, it, it honestly is mind blowingeven to, to myself and just, and I
wouldn't have recognized that if Iwouldn't have been like in this same
(31:39):
hike, in this same one year later andjust like, I, it was, it just hit me.
And I was like, wow, I got through it.
I did it.
Like I survived and I'm thriving now.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (31:53):
undefined
That's awesome.
And what, what a great story.
But I think the lesson there is forthe first step is you took the time for
yourself to go in the woods for two hours.
And.
Just look for at least start looking foran answer and then it slowly kind of, the
(32:14):
answer slowly came and then almost beforeyou knew it, it was all like you, you'd
found a lot of the answers and a lot ofthe, a lot of the, the, the desperate,
seemingly desperate situations you were inthere now, like you can, attack them and
you can
conquer them.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: I'm telling you my, the secret sauce (32:32):
undefined
to life is literally if you haveany struggle that you are wrestling
with, the answer is in nature.
I mean, if you need to go, if you liveon the coast, you can go to the beach.
Lucky you.
Um, I go into the woodscause I'm in Wisconsin and.
(32:52):
Every time I need to untangle anissue or a challenge, a struggle
in my life, that's where I find itis, is outside walking in nature.
And this, in this particular walkto like, I didn't even listen.
I didn't put my headphones in.
I didn't.
Um, well, you know, of course I had myphone because I had to take pictures
(33:13):
of my dog, but other than that, likeI, You know, it was not a distraction.
I just listened to the birds, listened tonature, listened, the, answers come to me.
And it's, I, you know, again, I cameout dreaming and I always say I walk
into the woods, one person, and Iwalk out of the woods, a totally
different person.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I'm with you. (33:33):
undefined
Uh, it runs are like that for me.
I like to.
To run and, and, um, and when, andtrail runs are even more so like that,
because there's not traffic coming by.
I'm not worried about it.
Do I have to jump outof the way of this car?
Cause somebody is texting whilethey're driving, which has
happened, but so yeah,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, and there's just something (33:51):
undefined
about being in like seclusion andlike just being one with nature.
It's just It's my mostfavorite thing in the
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: A hundred percent. (33:59):
undefined
And it kind of, it reminds me of this.
I don't know who said this quote,but there was a quote I heard and
I'm horrible about remembering.
I can remember the quotes.
I just can't remember who said them,but it went something like, um, I know
that worrying works because most ofthe stuff I worry about never works.
It never even happens, which iskind of, it's kind of a funny way of
(34:19):
saying, like, like, the stuff you worryabout is really, most of the time,
it's not even any of your business.
Like it's, it's stuff that'sjust completely beyond control.
Someone else or something else is, is incharge of it and you can't control it.
And that's, most of us worryabout that stuff most of the time.
So when you just get, get grounded, getout into nature, do whatever it is that
(34:42):
where you can get your, a clear headand you can start to see like what.
What you can actually control what'sactually worth when you're expending
so much energy because of all thesedifferent things that are going on and
then health issues on top of it, likeyou've really got to, like, you're,
you're forced to just put energy towards.
The, the, the essential things.
(35:05):
So, and like, oftentimes like worryingabout crazy stuff, that's beyond your
control, like you're, you're in a positionwhere you can kind of release that and
then kind of build yourself back up.
I hope that made sense.
I don't know if that made sense or not.
Basically don't worry so muchabout stuff that you can't control.
And it's because that will bring you down.
(35:27):
It'll, you'll spiral down into this abyss
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: yeah, yeah, I mean when I was going (35:30):
undefined
through the worst of it and I, Iliterally didn't think that my dad and
his girlfriend were going to move out,um, which was, I was just like, I'm,
I'm going to have to move out at that.
And that sounds funny, butthat's how I honestly felt.
Cause I'm like, I can't, I can't do this.
And I remember thinking likethis, there's no solution.
(35:53):
There's, you know what I mean?
And, and I think that that's whatwe do when we start to worry is we
just assume like there's no solution.
And yeah, maybe there isn't a solutionthat we know of, or that we can think
of, but there is a solution and you willget through it, and I think you bring
up a really good point, TJ, is thatlike, if you can, if you can at least.
Table your like, like compartmentalizethem and those, And I'm going to
(36:17):
deal with this issue and it will,and it will resolve itself, right?
It will work itself out a hundred percent.
If you can learn in this and it, andI'm saying learn, because I think
that that is something, um, it's askillset to stop ruminating thoughts.
Um, I know that I have had seasons of mylife where they have like controlled me.
(36:39):
And.
If you can to table those and put andtrain your brain to know, like, we're
going to deal with that, but we'renot going to deal with it right now,
because otherwise what it does is itsteals all your joy from the present.
And that's all we canultimately control is our
present.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: absolutely. (36:57):
undefined
Absolutely.
Yeah, that's a good way to put it.
Like we'll do, we'll deal with it.
Like just settle
down,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: We're going to handle the (37:03):
undefined
problem, but we're going to dealwith it in the woods where we can
give it our full attention andnature can work its way in and.
You know.
Mm
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Absolutely. (37:14):
undefined
Man.
Time has flown.
This has been an awesome conversationbefore we wrap it up though.
Like what are, what aresome like solid tactics?
If somebody is out there feelinglike a little overwhelmed, not
necessarily rock bottom, they'rejust like overwhelmed with.
The, the NRA settlement and they'rethe just things seem a little bit, um,
(37:37):
like they can't see the light at theend of the tunnel through all this.
We, you gave us one tactic is like, getlike, start taking care of yourself,
get to your place, your happy place,for lack of a better description, get
into the woods, go for a run, do whatyou have to do to kind of get yourself.
Um, energized, get your blood flowingand, and give yourself some peace.
What, what other, do youhave any other tactics?
(38:01):
That you would suggest somebody help with
that.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, I think that on a practical (38:04):
undefined
um, your, your mental health, likeyou're only ever going to be as
good as your mental health is.
That's just, there's justno other way around it.
And so does that look like therapy?
Does it look like, um, taking anaudit of what you are going through?
What you're taking in, whether that's,um, what you're eating, like what your
(38:25):
diet looks like, uh, what you're listeningto, what you're watching, how much you're
scrolling, like, just take some auditsas to how well, how are you really taking
care of yourself and your mental healththerapy has been absolutely phenomenal.
Groundbreaking for me to learn moreabout myself and to help me learn to
(38:46):
take accountability for my marriage and,um, our finances and things like that.
I think the other thing, you know,I want to take a quote from Neil.
Uh, Nothing is good or bad,but thinking makes it so.
I mean, it's, it's, I love thatquote because it really is true.
And I know that Neil has always coachedme through both of us through that.
(39:08):
And sometimes I want to tell him to
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I don't, I was about to (39:10):
undefined
say like, I hate it when he
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: I hate it when he says that, (39:12):
undefined
but it, you know, it is, it
is
ultimately the absolutely true.
And so I think that whatever you needto do to get yourself into a mindset
that, that will elevate that energy, thatfrequency, because I hate to admit it, but
it's, it's It's 100, it 100 percent works.
(39:34):
If you can stay in that higherfrequency of trusting that everything
is going to be okay, money is goingto come in, buyers are going to find
you just keep putting your heartand soul into what you believe in.
And it's, it's going to,it will all work out.
I promise.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah, it, it will. (39:52):
undefined
So where, where your focus goes,where you're, how's that saying?
Go, I always mess it upwhere your focus goes.
Energy
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: flows. (39:59):
undefined
where you're, where your focus goes.
Energy flows maybe
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: that sounds right. (40:07):
undefined
We get the gist of it.
We get the gist of it, but yeah,if you're, it's like when you, when
you When you focus on something,you're training your subconscious
mind to look for opportunities,to be aware of opportunities
and things just start to appear
in your life for sure.
And just, just keep, keep at it.
(40:27):
Like if you're.
If you, like, I just switched my nichethe beginning of the year, I really
focused on probate and, um, I'vehad little successes here and there,
but I feel this momentum building.
And I'm like, I've, I've been temptedto be like, this isn't going to work.
I've said to myself and, and, and allowyourself these moments to, if I will
want to give up and be like, this isn'tworking, I'm completely wasting my time.
(40:50):
I can't believe I did.
I put all this energy into this thing.
That's not working.
And then like you quickly snap out of itand just keep, keep going and then just
keep working towards that with the waveof momentum that you're, that you're
on, because things will, will happen.
And the moment I like reframe it.
And decide like, I amdoing the right thing.
(41:12):
Just got to stick with it.
It's a, it's like, it's almost
magical will happen that like
reaffirms that I'm doing the right thing.
I'm on the right path.
Like I'll get a phone call fromsomebody or I'll get a, a lead.
We'll come into my CRMfrom my, my, um, my lead
generation.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: 100%. (41:29):
undefined
Yeah, we are.
We are so much in charge ofall of that in, in our mindset.
And the other thing is, you know,allow yourself to have a temper
tantrum, but make sure it's short.
It's quick, short lived.
I just had this yesterday.
I thought, or the other day I thoughtI was going to have a free, okay.
Yeah.
Weekend, free Saturday, supposedto be 80 degrees and sunny
(41:52):
here in Wisconsin in May.
And that's just like the best
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: I didn't know that. (41:55):
undefined
I
didn't know.
that
happened in
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: I know. (41:56):
undefined
And so I'm like, yes, we have no plans.
I'm not working.
I'm going to the farmer's market.
And then I am hangingout by the pool all day.
And the next thing I know, my son has.
A rugby tournament, two hours away
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Oh, (42:14):
undefined
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: that I got three days notice for, (42:15):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: awesome. (42:18):
undefined
Yeah.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: literal temper tantrum, literal, I was (42:19):
undefined
swearing, I was bashing my head against,I was just so mad, but then I like, so I
allowed myself to be mad and frustratedand whatever, for like five minutes.
Five, maybe it was like 30 minutes.
Okay.
I, it was a long temper tantrum,but then I was like, you know what?
(42:39):
You got to pivot.
You have to switch.
I mean, I could have chosen tobe mad about that for the rest
of the week and the whatever.
Or you can make a pivot and I canstart saying like, You know what?
I'm super excited that my son hasthis opportunity and you know,
like then I go down the rabbit holeof all of the, he's so excited.
It's a new sport to him.
(42:59):
It's like, it's going to be beautiful.
It's, it's not going to be raining.
At least I get to sit outsideand watch him play rugby versus
being in a gym for basketball.
You know, like I start to turn,you can see how I reframed.
That that whole narrative, um, youknow, and then I made sure that I set
boundaries around Sunday because I waslike, Sunday is going to be the same.
And I'm like, I'm not givingup Sunday then, you know, but
(43:20):
my point is we have a choice.
And I'm not saying that thereis never disappointment and
I'm never mad about anything.
I'm never disappointed or never getlike, whatever, but the faster you
learn and you coach yourself and trainyourself to pivot out of those and to
reframe anything into like, all right,and keep yourself up and like happy.
(43:42):
And in that good high frequency, the, the.
The faster things are gonna, like anythingbad is going to turn around and things
are just continue, going to continueto gain momentum for you in your life.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah, a hundred percent. (43:55):
undefined
And I'm glad you mentioned that you,you gave yourself a moment because
a lot of people will, when, when badthings happen or they, if they feel
embarrassment or inadequacy or they're,they're upset about something, especially
when it's a family member, especiallya child where they're excited about
something like we can tend to likestuff our feelings down, ignore it.
(44:15):
And like, we just gotto muster through this.
It's it's, we just have to deal with it.
It's for the kids.
It's for my spouse, it's for my clients.
And we just stuff our, our feelings.
Deep down and we nevergive them the opportunity.
We never give them, this soundsodd, like, like they're a whole
nother person, but we never give ourfeelings an opportunity to be heard,
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yep. (44:34):
undefined
Yeah.
I
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: which. (44:35):
undefined
Yeah, so like I, I've learned that like,you have to just give you, like, if you
gotta take a walk outside, like so thatyou know your son doesn't see you or
upset about his rugby tournament thathe's excited about, take a walk, go in
the woods, take a walk, come back, reframeit, but give yourself the opportunity
to kind of, it's almost like you have tomourn the loss of that, that day you were
(44:57):
dreaming about sitting by the pool and not
doing anything.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yep. (45:00):
undefined
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: you, you have to give it, give it (45:01):
undefined
time.
So definitely don't,like I've heard the, uh.
You get five minutes to whine aboutit and then you got to move on.
I mean, give yourself enough time.
Like, cause if, if you stubyour toe, it's that's one thing.
It's like 30 seconds of like complete,utter meltdown anger for stubbing your
toe, but then like, if something evenworse happens, like you lose a deal that
(45:24):
you were planning on, cause you alreadyput a down payment on something like
you got to give, I think that is wortha little more than five minutes, but you
still just have to be aware of like, I'mgiving you time, I'm listening to what
you have to say this bad emotion and.
I'm going to make the choice to,to reframe it and, and find out
where, what the good in it isand all that, which is great.
(45:46):
Yeah.
I have a soccer tournamentwith my youngest this weekend.
And it's like, it's just farenough away where we're like, we
weren't going to stay overnight.
But I found out her, she has a game in themorning and then she has a game at 6 PM.
So it's like, that was like,Oh, now I got to get a hotel.
And like, and we're, we're close enoughwhere it's like, we didn't really need
(46:07):
to, but because it's so late, like,and she has to go back in the morning.
So anyways, so that that's, I canrelate with it, with the sports
and the tournaments and the last
minute stuff
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: It's like we, (46:17):
undefined
we get coached on settingboundaries in our business, right?
Our whole career.
And then we have these kids whojust like rip any boundaries and any
margin that we like had built up.
They just rip it away from us.
Yes.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: The teachers, the, that the school (46:34):
undefined
band directors are all like, and theyall get their hand out for money too.
I don't know what the heck that
is.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Well, you don't allow me to, (46:41):
undefined
to work because I have to,be driving my kids all over.
So tip
for you.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: Yeah. (46:46):
undefined
Oh, well, this has been awesome.
I, we,
we've, we've went a while here, but Ithink every minute of it was so worth it.
And, um, did, did you close all the loops?
Did we close the loops?
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: I'm still married and and we are (46:57):
undefined
on pace, um, to pay off a giantchunk of our debt this year.
Um, so that's exciting.
And, uh, My health is TBD, butI mean, I feel great and, uh,
I'm doing everything that I can
(47:18):
to take good care of myself.
So
all
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: well. (47:21):
undefined
we love it.
Yeah, that's important because yougot to stay, you got to be around.
I can't, I couldn't imagine Asianrise, Asian rise without you.
So you have to stayaround just for that Just
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: for that (47:33):
undefined
reason.
riverside_tj_mcgraw_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0134: reason. (47:33):
undefined
Well, this has been awesome.
Many.
Thank you so much for, for allowingme to, to ask you a bunch of
questions and clarify a few things.
And wait to see where it
goes from here.
riverside_mindi_kessenich_raw-video-cfr_agent_rise%20podcast_0133: Yes. (47:44):
undefined
Thank you so much for the interview, TJ.
It's always a pleasure.
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