March 27, 2025 • 39 mins
In this episode, Roxanne Derhodge chats with Kay Korsch about the role of styling in personal and celebrity branding. They discuss Kay's journey into styling, aligning personal brand with style, and the challenges involved. The conversation touches on online styling consultations, common style mistakes by public speakers, and the basics of styling like shape, brand, and color. They also cover body image, fit and trend pitfalls, and ensuring appearance aligns with your message. The episode wraps up with tips on tailoring outfits for events, crafting a personal style, and maintaining authenticity in appearance.
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(00:01):
Welcome to Authentic Living with Roxanne, aplace where we have conscious conversations
about things that really matter in our lives.
And now here's your host, Roxanne Durhaj.
(00:42):
Hi everyone, it's Roxanne Nurhotch.
Thanks for tuning in again this week withAuthentic Living with Roxanne.
So today I have a colleague, Kay Korsch, and Ihope I'm saying that properly, Kay.
And she does the fun things of our business, Ithink, right?
Because I often say that Kay does, she'sstyling for speakers.
(01:02):
And as a speaker, you don't think about thatreally until you kind of go out shopping and
you think, oh no, how am I going to do thisright?
And then so I'm curious to see what Kia's goingto teach us today.
So she spent about twenty years as aprofessional stylist.
She was dressing celebrities and working withluxury brands.
She founded Mind Over Fashion to helpprofessional speakers align their style with
(01:23):
their message so that they can get booked moreand command higher fees, which is amazing, Kay.
So Kay, thanks so much for being with us today.
Thank you for having me.
So Kay, how does one grow up wanting to becomea stylist?
Did you go to a fashion school?
(01:44):
What what did you do?
Like, because I'm always curious, or did youkinda happen into it with at what you're doing
today?
I don't know where the skill came from becauseI grew up in Soviet Union, and nobody in my
family is creative.
And this is literally the main thing I've beendrawn to since I was a little kid.
(02:07):
I knew I wanted to be in fashion, but I didn'treally know anything about the industry.
However, I had this hunch that I didn't want tobe a fashion designer.
I wanted to be a stylist.
And the main difference between the two is thatthe designer is somebody who creates new
clothes and the stylist is somebody whocombines the clothes together and knows what
(02:28):
suits a certain person.
As I grew up, I moved I'm from Ukraine.
I was born in Odessa, which is not the capital.
As soon as I could, I moved to Kyiv to thecapital and I started studying styling, hair
(02:48):
and makeup.
So I kind of got the overview of everything,not just the clothing side of things.
And then I started working in Kyiv with luxurymagazines.
And then I moved to The UK and I did anothertwo year course on fashion design.
(03:08):
And that's when I started building my careerand I loved working with fashion magazines and
they started styling celebrities for editorial.
And this is, I really enjoyed doing thatinstead of working with models because
celebrities are more like real people.
(03:32):
They are all different shapes and they havetheir personality.
So it was really interesting for me to learnabout the person and try to work out what the
best style for them would be.
I guess I can't even remember what yourquestion was.
Well, how you how you got into it?
So you so what so it started really early then,Kaye, because, like to your point, if you're in
(03:56):
Milan on a runway or New York City, you'redealing with models, and they are embodying
what the fashion designer wants them to embodybased on the brand that the style that year.
But for celebrities, I like that because whatyou're saying is is, you know, if you're
dealing with different types of stuff, you'reright.
They could be small, short, not the ideal kindof runway setup.
(04:21):
You're dealing more so with the persona, Iwould think, and what they're trying to promote
out there to to the magazine and what they'reshowing the world.
Yeah.
So they don't look like aliens.
They're more like normal people.
Like alien I'm not sure about aliens.
That's what you mean these six foot whatever orfive foot eleven people that are, look like
(04:44):
they did chisels and stuff like that.
Real people, okay?
Yes, exactly.
So you get to do fun things.
You get to shop for people, or do you go outshopping with your people?
Or do you kind of direct Now, you're in London,so I'm sure a lot of people listening would go,
I go to London to go shopping with Gay.
(05:04):
Let's start off with how with kind of what youdo with people that speak.
And I often say I'm a member of the CanadianProfessional Association of Professional
Speakers.
I had spoken for twenty years prior to that incorporate, but it's different when the brand
your own brand, first of all, and whetheryou're on a stage or you're going to a
(05:24):
consulting meeting.
There's you know, I had to live my brand andthat was, I'm gonna be honest, overwhelming at
first.
Right?
It's okay to go out and talk about somewhatsomething on somebody else's platform, but when
it's your own and it's your brand.
It's quite literally you'd feel a little bitnaked.
Because it's like, what how am I gonna put thisout there to the world?
And I remember kind of going through that in alot of ways.
(05:48):
And that's the reason why I like working withspeakers because this is the closest to working
with the celebrity.
You are on show, as you said, that it feelslike you're naked because when you're on stage,
is looking at you.
So all the little imperfections all of a suddenbecome really visible.
And I started working with speakers when COVIDstarted because all of a sudden, all of my
(06:12):
activity as working with the brands andcelebrities abruptly stopped and they wanted to
try something new and they really loved doingthat.
And because everything was online, I developedall of my processes for online so I can
actually do all of my sessions, includingshopping, including color analysis online.
(06:34):
Work with people either one to one or in agroup setting.
And in terms of shopping, actually shoppingonline gives us loads of possibilities which
shopping in person doesn't.
Especially now, what the brands tend to do isthat they have a way bigger variety online than
(06:55):
they have in store.
And you can take once you kind of know therules of shopping online, you can take your
time and really dial in on what's out there.
And in terms of speaking on stage, there arequite a few things to consider.
And I guess there are common mistakes whichspeakers make, and there are some physical
(07:20):
things which I like addressing, but also somepsychological things.
And they kind of run alongside each other.
Obviously you get the of the things, theobvious things like colors which suit you and
the shapes which suit you and to make sure thateverything fits you properly.
But then you also have questions like, what isyour message and what do you want the audience
(07:46):
to see in you?
Because they see you before you even startspeaking and they already make those
assumptions before they hear what you have tosay.
So to make sure that whatever you say isaligned with whatever they see in front of you
and how to get there.
How do you make your outfit speak for yourself?
(08:08):
So let's talk about some of the you talkedabout two things that I wanna pick up on here,
Kaye.
You said there's just some basics you need toknow, but there's also some psychological
things you need to kind of, I guess, tap intoin order to find the person's I don't know if
the word brand identity or persona that theywanna to to project.
So what kind of what are some of the basicthings that you need to keep in mind to be able
(08:33):
to style someone?
Like, what are what are some of the like yousaid, shape, brand
Color.
Yes.
And color.
Right?
Shape, brand, and color.
So let's say so I I'll use my brand as an anexample.
So I talk about I'm a psychologist.
I talk about return on relationship.
I talk about how to be authentically connectedto yourself so you can build more resilient
(08:55):
teams and corporate culture.
So I wanna be approachable.
I'm talking about mental resilience, whichoftentimes shuts down a room, generally.
But if you're on a stage, I wanna beapproachable and relatable in that to say to
them, not because I'm a psychologist, I'm gonnateach you these things.
It's possible.
We're all human.
We can all be disconnected from ourselves.
(09:16):
And if inauthentic, really, when we're notfeeling 100%.
So that's what the kind of the gist of what Ispeak about.
So when I was going through a my brand identitykind of exercise, I didn't want to be I was in
a blue suit or a black suit for twenty yearswhen I was in corporate with that look, that
(09:36):
kind of pencil look, and I recognized thatwould not go across really well in states.
So what kind of guidance would you give someonelike me?
And I know I'm putting you on the spot there.
Actually, want to address a big thing whichI've been thinking about recently, is that a
lot of the times when I speak to people who areinterested in what I do and they engage in the
(09:57):
conversation with me, they tend to go intodetail.
So they would say things like, Ah, do you thinkthis collar suits me?
Or do you think what kind of shoe I need towear?
But what normally goes through my head in thatinstance is that they need to have a bigger
picture first before they go into detail.
(10:18):
Because quite often, people overall make kindof bigger mistake as in maybe overall they wear
the shape which doesn't suit them, or maybethey their look is outdated, or maybe the
messaging is not right.
But they tend to concentrate on little thingslike belts and necklaces, kind of separate from
(10:42):
the bigger picture.
So I would say a good exercise is to step awayand to kind of look at yourself as if you are
an outsider and maybe the exercise which Inormally do with speakers.
Think about somebody in your field ofexpertise.
(11:03):
So in your case, it would be psychologist likewho concentrates on how to build that
connection through a relationship.
What would somebody who does that normally looklike?
So that would be one way, right?
So you're kind of looking at it one way.
And you can write down some keywords which comeup and it has to be something very easy because
(11:26):
our brain is fast.
We stereotype whether we want it or not.
Right.
You know, people would see a psychologist andsee an old guy with gray hair that's probably
got a cardigan on, that kind of, you Okay.
But if you translate that, you said cardiganon, and that feeds into what you said earlier
that when you stepped out of the of of thecorporate world, you didn't want to look in a
(11:51):
suit suited booted.
You wanted to be more relatable.
And that's exactly what you just pointed outwhen you said about the guy in a cardigan.
Right?
It's not a guy in a suit.
So translate that into a woman who is wearingsomething warm, wearing something which can
people can relate to maybe and where peoplefeel comfortable.
(12:12):
So that's one thing.
Then you might think about, okay, what kind oflevel do I want to project?
Because am I just sitting in a room one to onewith somebody where they really need to be
comfortable?
Or am I projecting that authority?
And do I need to step up and maybe still comeacross as comfortable?
(12:32):
For example, I can wear flats.
But the textures of the stuff which I'mwearing, even if it's knitwear, for instance,
or even if it's a dress, they have to bepremium.
I'm just brainstorming now.
So this is one side of things.
And then you can go at it from the other sidewhere you think, okay.
(12:55):
This is me.
This is what I look like now.
This is what I wear.
What does that say to the audience?
And you also and, you know, you are doing thisyou're not you're doing this with yourself.
So whatever comes to your mind, you write thatdown.
And then you try to marry those two things andsee where does it meet in the middle where I
(13:17):
can tick all those boxes.
And also, even actually before you startthinking about your audience, I always talk
about your personal comfort.
What are you comfortable with?
Are you comfortable wearing heels?
Are you comfortable wearing flats?
Are you comfortable in more fitting clothes orin looser shapes?
(13:38):
So you kind of ask yourself all these questionsand you try to find that middle ground.
So that's more kind of to give you the overviewof the psychological side of things.
Interesting.
Because you hear a lot of people, you know,they talk about my brand colors are blah, blah,
blah.
So therefore, I always have to be in my brandcolors.
(14:00):
I want to get your perspective on that becausesometimes it's your brand is relatable, but
does that mean that is the actually the bestcolors for you to be on on stage in?
Do you have to stick to your brand colors, orcan you can do you think that through with
someone, k?
And this is a very good question because asspeakers, we want to be memorable or as
(14:21):
business owners.
If you are an entrepreneur and you've got yourwebsite and you've got your colors, this is
just additional hook for our clients or ouraudience to remember us by.
So we want to use that.
But what I normally want people to think aboutis, number one, say, for example, if your brand
(14:42):
color is green, what kind of green is it goingto be?
Because there are loads of different greens outthere.
Some are light, dark, muted, bright, warm,cool, and so on.
And if you wear a different hue of green,people are people are not going to make that
connection.
So you're kind of there is no point in doingthat.
(15:03):
And the second thing is what you pointed out.
Does that even work with my complexion?
Because if it doesn't work with my complexion,even though I'm wearing my brand colors, I
actually look washed out, don't look radiant.
And the main thing and the main about colorsand to for the colors to help us is to make
(15:27):
sure that we look radiant and healthy.
And this sometimes when I work with people,they actually end up changing their brand
colors.
So they would redesign their website, and thisthey would make this part of the rebranding
process.
So I would say if you are in the place in yourjourney where you can still do that, do your
(15:52):
color analysis as soon as you can so that youknow the answer to that question, whether your
brand colors work with your complexion and orif you haven't got your brand colors yet, then
that's the time to come up with them.
I've never heard that said before.
Okay.
I I get the because with the with, you know,building your websites and your brand identity
(16:14):
and all those things, When the marketingcompany that I worked with, they just pulled
out what I wanted to purvey to the leaders andtheir teams that I'd be dealing with, right?
People who would I be speaking to.
Like I said, yes, it's about the ability to bementally resilient and authentic, and I want it
to be relatable, not to be separate.
(16:35):
Right?
I can meet you where you are.
You don't have to be a psychologist like me tobe able to deliver these things.
It's doable.
You know, with the right skills that I canteach you, you can attain these goals.
And then from that, they reengineeredbackwards, not taking into account my tones,
which is interesting.
Never heard that because I think I've done andI don't I've never really formally done it, but
(16:57):
I know it was like my colors were more likejeweled colors, like bright blues and that kind
of because again, with my kind of Caribbeankind of color, right, it seemed to be that when
I wear those colors, people go, wow, I lovethat color.
That is not my brand color, I should tell you,Kaye.
Should have talked to you before all of thatbecause I will wear I have this one shirt that
(17:20):
I wear, people are like, oh my goodness,where'd you get that shirt?
And I mean, I've had this shirt forever, but itI get compliments on it because it's the right
color.
So I love the fact that you're saying that.
So you probably a lot of people are gonnalisten to this and go, wow.
I passed
that for I will give you one tip which mighthelp you or anybody else who finds themselves
in the position where they realize that theirbrand colors don't work with their complexion.
(17:45):
There is something which is called the colorwheel, and you can just Google the words color
wheel.
Okay.
And they all look kind of similar.
They all have colors going around in the sameorder, rainbow order.
And you can also find out online or actually, Ihave a resource which teaches you part of the
resource teaches you how to use the colorwheel, which I can you can show share that in
(18:10):
the show notes for people as well if they wantto.
And, basically, when you know how to use thecolor wheel, it helps you to find the right
combinations of colors which work together.
So even if you find that your brand colordoesn't work with your complexion, you can find
the complementary colors which do.
And then within your social media and yourwebsite, you can position it in a way that it
(18:34):
all works together.
Wow.
That's a golden nugget there, Kaye.
Because I'm thinking, okay, mines are likeblues and oranges, which is nothing from what
I'm telling you.
Right?
And, you know, so now I'm curious, now I'm haveto go look up this wheel to see what the
complementary color is to this, how I wouldland.
(18:57):
Now, that's interesting.
So that cross section is so very important.
So if you're fortunate, like you said, and youhaven't done the website development yet, could
probably alter it or look at the like you said,the complementary color, and then you could
probably add some of that into your websitecopy and the coloring that you would do.
Now what are some of the you know, let's go tobody image because I would say that we all kind
(19:23):
of don't there's something that we don't likeabout our bodies, unless you're on the runway
in Milan or New York like we said.
Most people are like, okay, I don't like Idon't like my legs or I don't I don't like my
collarbone or whatever.
And you talked about some psychological thingsthat a lot of people have to get over.
So I would love for you to kinda talk a littlebit about that because I think that would be
(19:44):
interesting to kind of see what how you kind ofapproach people with concerns.
Well, unfortunately, this is, of course, verycommon, and the majority of especially women
have some concerns around their body shape.
There there are some pieces of advice which Inormally give.
(20:04):
One of which is to try and address yourself inthe third person.
So rather than saying and catastrophizing, ah,I look terrible.
Nothing works for me.
Nothing ever works good on me.
Instead of that kind of stepping to this,again, kind of out a little bit and saying, I
(20:26):
like Roxanne's hair, for example, or Roxanne'slegs.
So, like, try to find even if you start withone part of your body, one feature of your body
which you like, and you you can kind of buildyour list from there.
And so you're kind of dissecting and looking atit more from scientific point rather than just
(20:48):
generalizing about that nothing works.
So, yeah, so one, one part would be to look atit in like lots of little parts.
So break down your body and look at thedifferent elements like nose, lips, face,
whatever it is.
And then another part would, another exercisewould be to actually put it all back together
(21:13):
and then look at yourself and kind of think,okay, what works?
What kind of shapes work for me?
And I think it all comes over time.
It's not something which is gonna happenimmediately overnight and definitely finding
the styles which complement your body shape.
(21:33):
And we're all gonna have no matter what we looklike, we're all going to have things which work
better for us and which don't work so well forus.
The the way to find things which work for you,one of the exercises which you could do and
which I talk about is try as many differentshapes as possible and either if you go to the
(21:57):
shops, you would collect, go to a bigdepartment store with, which is multi brand
with lots of different brands.
And try to collect for example, if you'retrying on dresses, try to collect 10 different
types of dresses.
And just different styles, different shapes,short, long, big colors.
Exactly.
Okay.
Okay.
Exactly.
With with different necklines, differentsleeves.
(22:19):
And then when you go to the changing room,takes lots of pictures of yourself.
Or if you go with a friend, it's actually evenbetter if you have your arms down so that you
can see better what works, what doesn't ratherthan holding your phone.
And then you leave without getting anything,and you look at those pictures kind of next to
each other, and you're trying to see what workshere, what doesn't work there.
(22:41):
Why does this work?
Why doesn't this work?
Just try to compare.
Because when you compare them next to eachother, it's much easier than when you just see
one item.
So that would be an exercise to do in the shop.
Alternatively, you can order stuff online andthen just return everything.
But you are in your own home, in the comfort ofyour own home.
(23:02):
And then I guess it works for some people morethan being in the shop.
But the idea is to be playful with it and tojust try to, rather than being stuck in the
place where you buy the same stuff over andover again to try different things.
That's a nice idea because and we are creaturesof habit.
(23:24):
I know I go out and I buy the same style, maybewith a little bit of variation and I find one
or two brands that I think quote unquote looksgood on me and I buy those every time, Kate.
And I'm sure like there could be other thingsthat I think, oh, well I'm five foot one,
right?
So I have that to work with.
And I'm like, Okay.
And this is my shape.
(23:45):
I It's me saying that to myself.
I've never really objectively probably hadanybody else look at it and say, Well, you know
what?
Actually, that looks really good on you.
Or because I go back to the familiar all thetime, which is human instinct, isn't it?
Right?
I'm not gonna try something very differentbecause I think, oh, I don't even know.
But I don't know if I like and then sometimesyou put something on and you're like, alright.
(24:06):
That looks so much different off the rack.
Right?
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's very difficult to judge something whenit's not when it's just hanging you in the
shop.
Right?
So what are some of the common mistakes thatspeakers make that you've kind of seen over the
years, Kaye?
(24:27):
What are some of the common mistakes peoplemake?
You said they go to small and they don't backup and look at the entire kind of entity of
what their brand is.
What are some of the other common mistakes thatyou see people make?
Well, the easiest mistake to correct is to lookif the outfit you're wearing actually fits you
(24:48):
properly.
And there are some very easy fixes for that.
So sometimes the trousers are too long, ormaybe the waistline is too big and all you need
to do is just take it to the tailors and cinchit in a bit more, or maybe the sleeve length is
too long.
And those things make us look sloppy.
So that really can damage our credibility.
(25:10):
And then
And the right size as well too.
Right?
Like, as I
Yes.
Sometimes it might mean going up like a size,which Yeah.
They're probably going, oh, no.
But going up a size, but maybe give having ittailored because unless it's custom made to
you, your body, a size seven or a nine is gonnafit somebody differently in different brands
(25:31):
and stuff.
So even going up and getting it tailored mightbe the way to go.
%.
Some lots of people are between sizes, and thenyou just go one size big and then you tailor
it, as you said.
Okay.
Yeah.
So this is probably one of the easiest thingsto understand, to just take on board as a tip
immediately.
(25:52):
And one of the things I talk about a lot is tomake sure that you look up to date.
And the reason why it's important is becausewhen we see trends, when we see people wearing
something, we get used to it.
So it's familiarity for the clients, for theaudience, for people who see us online or in
(26:14):
person.
If they see something which is familiar, theshapes which are current, they consider you
part of the tribe, part of the community.
You're wearing something which is outdated.
They might consider that your ideas are alsoout of date.
Wow.
So
(26:34):
there is a lot of people feel like trends aresomething superficial, but actually there is a
lot to say in the favor of following long termtrends.
So I would encourage people to look at what'scurrent trends, not on the catwalk because
(26:57):
that's very fashion forward, but lookingthrough online brands kind of bigger even if
they look at say, more upmarket brands.
Maybe it's not even something which theypotentially want to shop from, but that will
give them an idea of what's out there.
So just look across different brands online andtry to gauge how do the stylists online combine
(27:25):
things together.
What works?
What kind of jewelry is out there?
A lot of this is to do with detail.
So that's specific to being up to date.
It's looking at your footwear and looking atthe jewelry, looking at the hairstyle and the
makeup.
These are the things which may can make it orbreak it when other things are ticked, if that
(27:51):
makes sense.
So the full package then is really because,like you said, within seconds of being center
stage, just use the stage, right?
Like, even open your mouth, people would liketo say that we don't judge, but guess what?
We do.
And before you even if anything comes out ofyour mouth, your the way you're dressed, the
way you're standing, what shoes you have on,like you said, how your hair is, all of that is
(28:17):
being judged before you even orate anything atall.
So that's really important, right?
And the thing is that a lot of it can be psychosorry, the people might not realize they're
doing this and maybe they are not they mightnot be into fashion or into style but it's
subconsciously they still feel that somethingis off just because they see imagery in their
(28:41):
head all the time without realizing.
So the judgments which they make might not beconscious judgments, but they still make those
judgments.
Absolutely.
And then like you said, if your if your suitjacket isn't proper, even if it's maybe not
like if it's if it's tailored to you, they'regonna say that's gonna be perceived as you took
(29:04):
the time or those types of things.
If your shirt's not kind of sitting right,they're gonna go, well, are you gonna tell us
about, you know, consistency maybe forinstance.
So it's that implicit message around or if myhair is kinda all over the map or something,
I'm talking about being calm.
If I kind of have something that's too funkythat may be perceived as that's not congruent
(29:31):
with what she's trying to say.
So I think it's I think you're, like, talkingabout that congruence between who you are,
obviously your comfort, because the most frombeing on stages too, and I know there's times
you're already anxious as it is, and before youget up there in a room full of 500 people to a
thousand, you're like, okay, all eyes on mekind of thing.
(29:54):
You have that anticipatory anxiety of goingout.
So if you're uncomfortable to your point withwhat you're wearing, maybe you're in the wrong
shoes or you don't wear pumps, but you decidethis time, Lord help you, you're gonna wear
pumps.
And then you go out there and go, Oh no, myfeet hurt or something.
There's so many things going on whereas youjust wanna be embodied and center and present.
(30:19):
That's the main thing.
Right?
You're doing it for yourself, but you're alsodoing it for the audience because you want the
audience to feel your comfort coming across asyou stand up there.
Yeah.
And definitely, I do not recommend to wearanything new which you haven't worn before for
an important speaking gig or any important kindof presentation because it's something might go
(30:44):
wrong.
Something which you haven't thought of might gowrong.
For example, somebody shared a story with mewhere a speaker had a prop in his pocket, and
he took the prop out of the pocket, but thelining came out as well.
And everybody was looking at the lining, whichcame out of the pocket instead of listening to
him.
Others of the prop that was meant to be used.
(31:06):
They were focused
on the fact that Yeah.
Practicing beforehand is essential andpracticing in front of a mirror, not about
specifically what you speak.
That's obviously you practicing your speech.
Well, one would hope you
get to.
But practicing your outfit in the shoes.
Yes.
(31:27):
Everything.
How are you gonna move around?
How do you normally move around the stage?
Yeah.
Never wear anything new which you haven't triedbefore.
Like the dress rehearsal before, the mainperformance.
Exactly.
Then you're not and then that way, are youcomfortable when you move around?
Are you constricted?
That kind of stuff.
(31:47):
Because a lot of times we're using differentparts of our body to demonstrate something when
you speak.
But so trying that on and even running throughyour speech too, I would think, with whatever
you're gonna wear is probably not a bad idea aswell.
I agree.
Kate, this is all fascinating information.
Now I know you said you're so any so a coupletips before we let you go.
(32:10):
One thing I think of is how what considerationsdo you have to take keep in mind whether you're
on a platform or if whether you're at abusiness meeting or a Friday afternoon
leadership meeting?
If it's the same person, but they wanna whathow does that shift, or does it shift when you
when you pick an outfit?
(32:32):
Do you mean if one person has a few engagementsin the same day, or do you mean how would the
outfit differ depending on the event?
The latter.
I mean, either or, but ultimately the event.
Right?
How does it shift?
Well, of course, I guess there is a differenceif it's a small event where you're presenting
(32:53):
in front of, say, 40 people or if it's an eventwhere you present in front of a thousand.
But saying that, it does come back to yourpersonal style, your preferences, and your
comfort.
So even if you're presenting in front of a hugecrowd, you can still be comfortable and wear
sneakers if that's your thing.
(33:17):
I would say there is a shift between so youhave your own style, and then within that
style, you can have modifications.
And things to consider are also a little bit aspractical things.
What's the background behind you?
Because that will dictate what kind of colorsyou're gonna wear.
What is the temperature going to be?
(33:38):
Are you gonna be comfortable?
Are you gonna be sweating?
In terms of again, what do you wanna who is inthe audience?
What do you want to project?
Are you speaking in front of somebody who youwhere you want to project authority or
relatability is what we spoke before.
(33:58):
It's a little bit difficult to answer in termsof be because all the events, obviously, are
different than all the people, businesses, andexperts Trend groups
and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
So it would depend.
Right?
If it's a one to one coaching session, let'ssay, in my case Mhmm.
(34:19):
Versus if it's the same events, you might havekind of pre prelim things with leaders, for
instance, and you do a little meet and greet.
So of course, then I would think you're stillit's very important that you still have a
certain level of presence when you're meetingwith those individuals.
And then obviously on the stage, that's theultimate, right?
Because you really want you want it to be spoton so that they focus just on, okay.
(34:44):
She's relatable.
I I think I can listen to her.
She seems comfortable.
Okay.
I'm gonna listen to her.
I'm gonna give her a bit of time, and then youcan deliver.
So I think I like that.
So just coming up with still comfortability, Ithink, is important.
Like you said, skin tone.
I'm like I said, I'm Middle Eastern and Indian,so I've got a bit of a different blend compared
(35:05):
to you being for people that aren't seeing caseshe's a redhead.
So with paler skin, you're the things thatwould match you would be different for me and
those types of things.
But I like that.
So to kinda take it and think, even if I'm oneto one with someone, am I comfortable?
Am I still purveying the feeling I want thatperson to get, but I can also kind of still be
(35:29):
within my brand?
If I'm in an environment where I'm gonna beseen all day, for instance, I wanna kinda have
that continuum of what my brand says and thatI'm not wearing something that's gonna, like
you said, wash me out or make me lookcompletely out of my element.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, Kaye, for people that I know we werechatting before we got on and for people that
(35:53):
might wanna reach out or consult with you orjust get to know a little bit more about your
business, I know you talked a little bit aboutsomething that's coming up.
First of all, tell them where they can getahold of you.
And if you have the master class coming, ifthat's something you'd like to tell them about,
I think people may be interested.
So in general, a good place to connect is myLinkedIn, and I I can send you the link to that
(36:19):
to share.
And I work with people either one to one or ina group setting.
With the group setting, it's for femaleentrepreneurs and experts and speakers.
One to one, I work with both male and female.
And the master class, I am planning to runthose regularly.
(36:41):
And, again, that that's something I can sharewith you if people are interested.
But, yeah, ultimately, re reaching to me onLinkedIn and saying that you heard me on
Roxanne's podcast, that would be fantastic toto just start the conversation and to feel free
to ask any questions on whatever we spoke abouttoday.
(37:03):
Well, Kaye, this has been I've learned a lot,and I realized I have some work to do.
And I have to take a little bit of risk withdifferent styles.
Then I go to the big department store andprobably try different things.
Because like I said, I'm a creature of habit.
I'm sure not alike from a lot of people thatare listening.
That might have to dress for occasions.
(37:25):
What I'm walking away with is even if you aresomeone that has your brand colors, I love the
tip that she gave about the complementary coloron the color wheel.
And just go take that.
I know I'm gonna do that.
And I talk about authenticity and I always say,you need to put that forward, who you are, what
(37:48):
you do.
People want that even more so in this kind ofartificial intelligence world.
So it's so important, some of the things thatwe're talking about today, so that you can
stand out.
People can really know you are, who you arebased on all the elements of your brand.
But, again, dressing the part helps, and itobviously brings people more in alignment, like
(38:11):
Kay says, so that they can go, okay.
I can listen to him or her now.
So, hopefully, you can take some tips away fromtoday's show.
And please go back, go on to iTunes and give usa review and let Kay know what you thought
about this podcast.
So for me, if you're wanting to know how you'remore authentically connected or where you are
in reference to either work relationships orhome relationships, and you wanna just figure
(38:35):
out where how do I bench there?
Where do I sit?
You can go to roxanderhodge.com/quiz.
Do a mini quiz.
We'll send you the results and with somerecommendations of next steps.
And you can reach out anytime that you wantsome information from you from me.
K.
Again, thanks so much for everybody.
Thanks for hanging out with us, and we'll talkto you soon.
(38:56):
Take care.
Thanks for tuning in to Authentic Living withRoxanne, creating the space for positive,
healthy change.
Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist,and coach.
To work with Roxanne, visitRoxanneDurhaj.com/blueprint.
(39:17):
We'll see you next time on Authentic Livingwith Roxanne.
Welcome to Authentic Living with Roxanne, aplace where we have conscious conversations
about things that really matter in our lives.
And now here's your host, Roxanne Durhaj.
(00:42):
Hi everyone, it's Roxanne Nurhotch.
Thanks for tuning in again this week withAuthentic Living with Roxanne.
So today I have a colleague, Kay Korsch, and Ihope I'm saying that properly, Kay.
And she does the fun things of our business, Ithink, right?
Because I often say that Kay does, she'sstyling for speakers.
(01:02):
And as a speaker, you don't think about thatreally until you kind of go out shopping and
you think, oh no, how am I going to do thisright?
And then so I'm curious to see what Kia's goingto teach us today.
So she spent about twenty years as aprofessional stylist.
She was dressing celebrities and working withluxury brands.
She founded Mind Over Fashion to helpprofessional speakers align their style with
(01:23):
their message so that they can get booked moreand command higher fees, which is amazing, Kay.
So Kay, thanks so much for being with us today.
Thank you for having me.
So Kay, how does one grow up wanting to becomea stylist?
Did you go to a fashion school?
(01:44):
What what did you do?
Like, because I'm always curious, or did youkinda happen into it with at what you're doing
today?
I don't know where the skill came from becauseI grew up in Soviet Union, and nobody in my
family is creative.
And this is literally the main thing I've beendrawn to since I was a little kid.
(02:07):
I knew I wanted to be in fashion, but I didn'treally know anything about the industry.
However, I had this hunch that I didn't want tobe a fashion designer.
I wanted to be a stylist.
And the main difference between the two is thatthe designer is somebody who creates new
clothes and the stylist is somebody whocombines the clothes together and knows what
(02:28):
suits a certain person.
As I grew up, I moved I'm from Ukraine.
I was born in Odessa, which is not the capital.
As soon as I could, I moved to Kyiv to thecapital and I started studying styling, hair
(02:48):
and makeup.
So I kind of got the overview of everything,not just the clothing side of things.
And then I started working in Kyiv with luxurymagazines.
And then I moved to The UK and I did anothertwo year course on fashion design.
(03:08):
And that's when I started building my careerand I loved working with fashion magazines and
they started styling celebrities for editorial.
And this is, I really enjoyed doing thatinstead of working with models because
celebrities are more like real people.
(03:32):
They are all different shapes and they havetheir personality.
So it was really interesting for me to learnabout the person and try to work out what the
best style for them would be.
I guess I can't even remember what yourquestion was.
Well, how you how you got into it?
So you so what so it started really early then,Kaye, because, like to your point, if you're in
(03:56):
Milan on a runway or New York City, you'redealing with models, and they are embodying
what the fashion designer wants them to embodybased on the brand that the style that year.
But for celebrities, I like that because whatyou're saying is is, you know, if you're
dealing with different types of stuff, you'reright.
They could be small, short, not the ideal kindof runway setup.
(04:21):
You're dealing more so with the persona, Iwould think, and what they're trying to promote
out there to to the magazine and what they'reshowing the world.
Yeah.
So they don't look like aliens.
They're more like normal people.
Like alien I'm not sure about aliens.
That's what you mean these six foot whatever orfive foot eleven people that are, look like
(04:44):
they did chisels and stuff like that.
Real people, okay?
Yes, exactly.
So you get to do fun things.
You get to shop for people, or do you go outshopping with your people?
Or do you kind of direct Now, you're in London,so I'm sure a lot of people listening would go,
I go to London to go shopping with Gay.
(05:04):
Let's start off with how with kind of what youdo with people that speak.
And I often say I'm a member of the CanadianProfessional Association of Professional
Speakers.
I had spoken for twenty years prior to that incorporate, but it's different when the brand
your own brand, first of all, and whetheryou're on a stage or you're going to a
(05:24):
consulting meeting.
There's you know, I had to live my brand andthat was, I'm gonna be honest, overwhelming at
first.
Right?
It's okay to go out and talk about somewhatsomething on somebody else's platform, but when
it's your own and it's your brand.
It's quite literally you'd feel a little bitnaked.
Because it's like, what how am I gonna put thisout there to the world?
And I remember kind of going through that in alot of ways.
(05:48):
And that's the reason why I like working withspeakers because this is the closest to working
with the celebrity.
You are on show, as you said, that it feelslike you're naked because when you're on stage,
is looking at you.
So all the little imperfections all of a suddenbecome really visible.
And I started working with speakers when COVIDstarted because all of a sudden, all of my
(06:12):
activity as working with the brands andcelebrities abruptly stopped and they wanted to
try something new and they really loved doingthat.
And because everything was online, I developedall of my processes for online so I can
actually do all of my sessions, includingshopping, including color analysis online.
(06:34):
Work with people either one to one or in agroup setting.
And in terms of shopping, actually shoppingonline gives us loads of possibilities which
shopping in person doesn't.
Especially now, what the brands tend to do isthat they have a way bigger variety online than
(06:55):
they have in store.
And you can take once you kind of know therules of shopping online, you can take your
time and really dial in on what's out there.
And in terms of speaking on stage, there arequite a few things to consider.
And I guess there are common mistakes whichspeakers make, and there are some physical
(07:20):
things which I like addressing, but also somepsychological things.
And they kind of run alongside each other.
Obviously you get the of the things, theobvious things like colors which suit you and
the shapes which suit you and to make sure thateverything fits you properly.
But then you also have questions like, what isyour message and what do you want the audience
(07:46):
to see in you?
Because they see you before you even startspeaking and they already make those
assumptions before they hear what you have tosay.
So to make sure that whatever you say isaligned with whatever they see in front of you
and how to get there.
How do you make your outfit speak for yourself?
(08:08):
So let's talk about some of the you talkedabout two things that I wanna pick up on here,
Kaye.
You said there's just some basics you need toknow, but there's also some psychological
things you need to kind of, I guess, tap intoin order to find the person's I don't know if
the word brand identity or persona that theywanna to to project.
So what kind of what are some of the basicthings that you need to keep in mind to be able
(08:33):
to style someone?
Like, what are what are some of the like yousaid, shape, brand
Color.
Yes.
And color.
Right?
Shape, brand, and color.
So let's say so I I'll use my brand as an anexample.
So I talk about I'm a psychologist.
I talk about return on relationship.
I talk about how to be authentically connectedto yourself so you can build more resilient
(08:55):
teams and corporate culture.
So I wanna be approachable.
I'm talking about mental resilience, whichoftentimes shuts down a room, generally.
But if you're on a stage, I wanna beapproachable and relatable in that to say to
them, not because I'm a psychologist, I'm gonnateach you these things.
It's possible.
We're all human.
We can all be disconnected from ourselves.
(09:16):
And if inauthentic, really, when we're notfeeling 100%.
So that's what the kind of the gist of what Ispeak about.
So when I was going through a my brand identitykind of exercise, I didn't want to be I was in
a blue suit or a black suit for twenty yearswhen I was in corporate with that look, that
(09:36):
kind of pencil look, and I recognized thatwould not go across really well in states.
So what kind of guidance would you give someonelike me?
And I know I'm putting you on the spot there.
Actually, want to address a big thing whichI've been thinking about recently, is that a
lot of the times when I speak to people who areinterested in what I do and they engage in the
(09:57):
conversation with me, they tend to go intodetail.
So they would say things like, Ah, do you thinkthis collar suits me?
Or do you think what kind of shoe I need towear?
But what normally goes through my head in thatinstance is that they need to have a bigger
picture first before they go into detail.
(10:18):
Because quite often, people overall make kindof bigger mistake as in maybe overall they wear
the shape which doesn't suit them, or maybethey their look is outdated, or maybe the
messaging is not right.
But they tend to concentrate on little thingslike belts and necklaces, kind of separate from
(10:42):
the bigger picture.
So I would say a good exercise is to step awayand to kind of look at yourself as if you are
an outsider and maybe the exercise which Inormally do with speakers.
Think about somebody in your field ofexpertise.
(11:03):
So in your case, it would be psychologist likewho concentrates on how to build that
connection through a relationship.
What would somebody who does that normally looklike?
So that would be one way, right?
So you're kind of looking at it one way.
And you can write down some keywords which comeup and it has to be something very easy because
(11:26):
our brain is fast.
We stereotype whether we want it or not.
Right.
You know, people would see a psychologist andsee an old guy with gray hair that's probably
got a cardigan on, that kind of, you Okay.
But if you translate that, you said cardiganon, and that feeds into what you said earlier
that when you stepped out of the of of thecorporate world, you didn't want to look in a
(11:51):
suit suited booted.
You wanted to be more relatable.
And that's exactly what you just pointed outwhen you said about the guy in a cardigan.
Right?
It's not a guy in a suit.
So translate that into a woman who is wearingsomething warm, wearing something which can
people can relate to maybe and where peoplefeel comfortable.
(12:12):
So that's one thing.
Then you might think about, okay, what kind oflevel do I want to project?
Because am I just sitting in a room one to onewith somebody where they really need to be
comfortable?
Or am I projecting that authority?
And do I need to step up and maybe still comeacross as comfortable?
(12:32):
For example, I can wear flats.
But the textures of the stuff which I'mwearing, even if it's knitwear, for instance,
or even if it's a dress, they have to bepremium.
I'm just brainstorming now.
So this is one side of things.
And then you can go at it from the other sidewhere you think, okay.
(12:55):
This is me.
This is what I look like now.
This is what I wear.
What does that say to the audience?
And you also and, you know, you are doing thisyou're not you're doing this with yourself.
So whatever comes to your mind, you write thatdown.
And then you try to marry those two things andsee where does it meet in the middle where I
(13:17):
can tick all those boxes.
And also, even actually before you startthinking about your audience, I always talk
about your personal comfort.
What are you comfortable with?
Are you comfortable wearing heels?
Are you comfortable wearing flats?
Are you comfortable in more fitting clothes orin looser shapes?
(13:38):
So you kind of ask yourself all these questionsand you try to find that middle ground.
So that's more kind of to give you the overviewof the psychological side of things.
Interesting.
Because you hear a lot of people, you know,they talk about my brand colors are blah, blah,
blah.
So therefore, I always have to be in my brandcolors.
(14:00):
I want to get your perspective on that becausesometimes it's your brand is relatable, but
does that mean that is the actually the bestcolors for you to be on on stage in?
Do you have to stick to your brand colors, orcan you can do you think that through with
someone, k?
And this is a very good question because asspeakers, we want to be memorable or as
(14:21):
business owners.
If you are an entrepreneur and you've got yourwebsite and you've got your colors, this is
just additional hook for our clients or ouraudience to remember us by.
So we want to use that.
But what I normally want people to think aboutis, number one, say, for example, if your brand
(14:42):
color is green, what kind of green is it goingto be?
Because there are loads of different greens outthere.
Some are light, dark, muted, bright, warm,cool, and so on.
And if you wear a different hue of green,people are people are not going to make that
connection.
So you're kind of there is no point in doingthat.
(15:03):
And the second thing is what you pointed out.
Does that even work with my complexion?
Because if it doesn't work with my complexion,even though I'm wearing my brand colors, I
actually look washed out, don't look radiant.
And the main thing and the main about colorsand to for the colors to help us is to make
(15:27):
sure that we look radiant and healthy.
And this sometimes when I work with people,they actually end up changing their brand
colors.
So they would redesign their website, and thisthey would make this part of the rebranding
process.
So I would say if you are in the place in yourjourney where you can still do that, do your
(15:52):
color analysis as soon as you can so that youknow the answer to that question, whether your
brand colors work with your complexion and orif you haven't got your brand colors yet, then
that's the time to come up with them.
I've never heard that said before.
Okay.
I I get the because with the with, you know,building your websites and your brand identity
(16:14):
and all those things, When the marketingcompany that I worked with, they just pulled
out what I wanted to purvey to the leaders andtheir teams that I'd be dealing with, right?
People who would I be speaking to.
Like I said, yes, it's about the ability to bementally resilient and authentic, and I want it
to be relatable, not to be separate.
(16:35):
Right?
I can meet you where you are.
You don't have to be a psychologist like me tobe able to deliver these things.
It's doable.
You know, with the right skills that I canteach you, you can attain these goals.
And then from that, they reengineeredbackwards, not taking into account my tones,
which is interesting.
Never heard that because I think I've done andI don't I've never really formally done it, but
(16:57):
I know it was like my colors were more likejeweled colors, like bright blues and that kind
of because again, with my kind of Caribbeankind of color, right, it seemed to be that when
I wear those colors, people go, wow, I lovethat color.
That is not my brand color, I should tell you,Kaye.
Should have talked to you before all of thatbecause I will wear I have this one shirt that
(17:20):
I wear, people are like, oh my goodness,where'd you get that shirt?
And I mean, I've had this shirt forever, but itI get compliments on it because it's the right
color.
So I love the fact that you're saying that.
So you probably a lot of people are gonnalisten to this and go, wow.
I passed
that for I will give you one tip which mighthelp you or anybody else who finds themselves
in the position where they realize that theirbrand colors don't work with their complexion.
(17:45):
There is something which is called the colorwheel, and you can just Google the words color
wheel.
Okay.
And they all look kind of similar.
They all have colors going around in the sameorder, rainbow order.
And you can also find out online or actually, Ihave a resource which teaches you part of the
resource teaches you how to use the colorwheel, which I can you can show share that in
(18:10):
the show notes for people as well if they wantto.
And, basically, when you know how to use thecolor wheel, it helps you to find the right
combinations of colors which work together.
So even if you find that your brand colordoesn't work with your complexion, you can find
the complementary colors which do.
And then within your social media and yourwebsite, you can position it in a way that it
(18:34):
all works together.
Wow.
That's a golden nugget there, Kaye.
Because I'm thinking, okay, mines are likeblues and oranges, which is nothing from what
I'm telling you.
Right?
And, you know, so now I'm curious, now I'm haveto go look up this wheel to see what the
complementary color is to this, how I wouldland.
(18:57):
Now, that's interesting.
So that cross section is so very important.
So if you're fortunate, like you said, and youhaven't done the website development yet, could
probably alter it or look at the like you said,the complementary color, and then you could
probably add some of that into your websitecopy and the coloring that you would do.
Now what are some of the you know, let's go tobody image because I would say that we all kind
(19:23):
of don't there's something that we don't likeabout our bodies, unless you're on the runway
in Milan or New York like we said.
Most people are like, okay, I don't like Idon't like my legs or I don't I don't like my
collarbone or whatever.
And you talked about some psychological thingsthat a lot of people have to get over.
So I would love for you to kinda talk a littlebit about that because I think that would be
(19:44):
interesting to kind of see what how you kind ofapproach people with concerns.
Well, unfortunately, this is, of course, verycommon, and the majority of especially women
have some concerns around their body shape.
There there are some pieces of advice which Inormally give.
(20:04):
One of which is to try and address yourself inthe third person.
So rather than saying and catastrophizing, ah,I look terrible.
Nothing works for me.
Nothing ever works good on me.
Instead of that kind of stepping to this,again, kind of out a little bit and saying, I
(20:26):
like Roxanne's hair, for example, or Roxanne'slegs.
So, like, try to find even if you start withone part of your body, one feature of your body
which you like, and you you can kind of buildyour list from there.
And so you're kind of dissecting and looking atit more from scientific point rather than just
(20:48):
generalizing about that nothing works.
So, yeah, so one, one part would be to look atit in like lots of little parts.
So break down your body and look at thedifferent elements like nose, lips, face,
whatever it is.
And then another part would, another exercisewould be to actually put it all back together
(21:13):
and then look at yourself and kind of think,okay, what works?
What kind of shapes work for me?
And I think it all comes over time.
It's not something which is gonna happenimmediately overnight and definitely finding
the styles which complement your body shape.
(21:33):
And we're all gonna have no matter what we looklike, we're all going to have things which work
better for us and which don't work so well forus.
The the way to find things which work for you,one of the exercises which you could do and
which I talk about is try as many differentshapes as possible and either if you go to the
(21:57):
shops, you would collect, go to a bigdepartment store with, which is multi brand
with lots of different brands.
And try to collect for example, if you'retrying on dresses, try to collect 10 different
types of dresses.
And just different styles, different shapes,short, long, big colors.
Exactly.
Okay.
Okay.
Exactly.
With with different necklines, differentsleeves.
(22:19):
And then when you go to the changing room,takes lots of pictures of yourself.
Or if you go with a friend, it's actually evenbetter if you have your arms down so that you
can see better what works, what doesn't ratherthan holding your phone.
And then you leave without getting anything,and you look at those pictures kind of next to
each other, and you're trying to see what workshere, what doesn't work there.
(22:41):
Why does this work?
Why doesn't this work?
Just try to compare.
Because when you compare them next to eachother, it's much easier than when you just see
one item.
So that would be an exercise to do in the shop.
Alternatively, you can order stuff online andthen just return everything.
But you are in your own home, in the comfort ofyour own home.
(23:02):
And then I guess it works for some people morethan being in the shop.
But the idea is to be playful with it and tojust try to, rather than being stuck in the
place where you buy the same stuff over andover again to try different things.
That's a nice idea because and we are creaturesof habit.
(23:24):
I know I go out and I buy the same style, maybewith a little bit of variation and I find one
or two brands that I think quote unquote looksgood on me and I buy those every time, Kate.
And I'm sure like there could be other thingsthat I think, oh, well I'm five foot one,
right?
So I have that to work with.
And I'm like, Okay.
And this is my shape.
(23:45):
I It's me saying that to myself.
I've never really objectively probably hadanybody else look at it and say, Well, you know
what?
Actually, that looks really good on you.
Or because I go back to the familiar all thetime, which is human instinct, isn't it?
Right?
I'm not gonna try something very differentbecause I think, oh, I don't even know.
But I don't know if I like and then sometimesyou put something on and you're like, alright.
(24:06):
That looks so much different off the rack.
Right?
Yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's very difficult to judge something whenit's not when it's just hanging you in the
shop.
Right?
So what are some of the common mistakes thatspeakers make that you've kind of seen over the
years, Kaye?
(24:27):
What are some of the common mistakes peoplemake?
You said they go to small and they don't backup and look at the entire kind of entity of
what their brand is.
What are some of the other common mistakes thatyou see people make?
Well, the easiest mistake to correct is to lookif the outfit you're wearing actually fits you
(24:48):
properly.
And there are some very easy fixes for that.
So sometimes the trousers are too long, ormaybe the waistline is too big and all you need
to do is just take it to the tailors and cinchit in a bit more, or maybe the sleeve length is
too long.
And those things make us look sloppy.
So that really can damage our credibility.
(25:10):
And then
And the right size as well too.
Right?
Like, as I
Yes.
Sometimes it might mean going up like a size,which Yeah.
They're probably going, oh, no.
But going up a size, but maybe give having ittailored because unless it's custom made to
you, your body, a size seven or a nine is gonnafit somebody differently in different brands
(25:31):
and stuff.
So even going up and getting it tailored mightbe the way to go.
%.
Some lots of people are between sizes, and thenyou just go one size big and then you tailor
it, as you said.
Okay.
Yeah.
So this is probably one of the easiest thingsto understand, to just take on board as a tip
immediately.
(25:52):
And one of the things I talk about a lot is tomake sure that you look up to date.
And the reason why it's important is becausewhen we see trends, when we see people wearing
something, we get used to it.
So it's familiarity for the clients, for theaudience, for people who see us online or in
(26:14):
person.
If they see something which is familiar, theshapes which are current, they consider you
part of the tribe, part of the community.
You're wearing something which is outdated.
They might consider that your ideas are alsoout of date.
Wow.
So
(26:34):
there is a lot of people feel like trends aresomething superficial, but actually there is a
lot to say in the favor of following long termtrends.
So I would encourage people to look at what'scurrent trends, not on the catwalk because
(26:57):
that's very fashion forward, but lookingthrough online brands kind of bigger even if
they look at say, more upmarket brands.
Maybe it's not even something which theypotentially want to shop from, but that will
give them an idea of what's out there.
So just look across different brands online andtry to gauge how do the stylists online combine
(27:25):
things together.
What works?
What kind of jewelry is out there?
A lot of this is to do with detail.
So that's specific to being up to date.
It's looking at your footwear and looking atthe jewelry, looking at the hairstyle and the
makeup.
These are the things which may can make it orbreak it when other things are ticked, if that
(27:51):
makes sense.
So the full package then is really because,like you said, within seconds of being center
stage, just use the stage, right?
Like, even open your mouth, people would liketo say that we don't judge, but guess what?
We do.
And before you even if anything comes out ofyour mouth, your the way you're dressed, the
way you're standing, what shoes you have on,like you said, how your hair is, all of that is
(28:17):
being judged before you even orate anything atall.
So that's really important, right?
And the thing is that a lot of it can be psychosorry, the people might not realize they're
doing this and maybe they are not they mightnot be into fashion or into style but it's
subconsciously they still feel that somethingis off just because they see imagery in their
(28:41):
head all the time without realizing.
So the judgments which they make might not beconscious judgments, but they still make those
judgments.
Absolutely.
And then like you said, if your if your suitjacket isn't proper, even if it's maybe not
like if it's if it's tailored to you, they'regonna say that's gonna be perceived as you took
(29:04):
the time or those types of things.
If your shirt's not kind of sitting right,they're gonna go, well, are you gonna tell us
about, you know, consistency maybe forinstance.
So it's that implicit message around or if myhair is kinda all over the map or something,
I'm talking about being calm.
If I kind of have something that's too funkythat may be perceived as that's not congruent
(29:31):
with what she's trying to say.
So I think it's I think you're, like, talkingabout that congruence between who you are,
obviously your comfort, because the most frombeing on stages too, and I know there's times
you're already anxious as it is, and before youget up there in a room full of 500 people to a
thousand, you're like, okay, all eyes on mekind of thing.
(29:54):
You have that anticipatory anxiety of goingout.
So if you're uncomfortable to your point withwhat you're wearing, maybe you're in the wrong
shoes or you don't wear pumps, but you decidethis time, Lord help you, you're gonna wear
pumps.
And then you go out there and go, Oh no, myfeet hurt or something.
There's so many things going on whereas youjust wanna be embodied and center and present.
(30:19):
That's the main thing.
Right?
You're doing it for yourself, but you're alsodoing it for the audience because you want the
audience to feel your comfort coming across asyou stand up there.
Yeah.
And definitely, I do not recommend to wearanything new which you haven't worn before for
an important speaking gig or any important kindof presentation because it's something might go
(30:44):
wrong.
Something which you haven't thought of might gowrong.
For example, somebody shared a story with mewhere a speaker had a prop in his pocket, and
he took the prop out of the pocket, but thelining came out as well.
And everybody was looking at the lining, whichcame out of the pocket instead of listening to
him.
Others of the prop that was meant to be used.
(31:06):
They were focused
on the fact that Yeah.
Practicing beforehand is essential andpracticing in front of a mirror, not about
specifically what you speak.
That's obviously you practicing your speech.
Well, one would hope you
get to.
But practicing your outfit in the shoes.
Yes.
(31:27):
Everything.
How are you gonna move around?
How do you normally move around the stage?
Yeah.
Never wear anything new which you haven't triedbefore.
Like the dress rehearsal before, the mainperformance.
Exactly.
Then you're not and then that way, are youcomfortable when you move around?
Are you constricted?
That kind of stuff.
(31:47):
Because a lot of times we're using differentparts of our body to demonstrate something when
you speak.
But so trying that on and even running throughyour speech too, I would think, with whatever
you're gonna wear is probably not a bad idea aswell.
I agree.
Kate, this is all fascinating information.
Now I know you said you're so any so a coupletips before we let you go.
(32:10):
One thing I think of is how what considerationsdo you have to take keep in mind whether you're
on a platform or if whether you're at abusiness meeting or a Friday afternoon
leadership meeting?
If it's the same person, but they wanna whathow does that shift, or does it shift when you
when you pick an outfit?
(32:32):
Do you mean if one person has a few engagementsin the same day, or do you mean how would the
outfit differ depending on the event?
The latter.
I mean, either or, but ultimately the event.
Right?
How does it shift?
Well, of course, I guess there is a differenceif it's a small event where you're presenting
(32:53):
in front of, say, 40 people or if it's an eventwhere you present in front of a thousand.
But saying that, it does come back to yourpersonal style, your preferences, and your
comfort.
So even if you're presenting in front of a hugecrowd, you can still be comfortable and wear
sneakers if that's your thing.
(33:17):
I would say there is a shift between so youhave your own style, and then within that
style, you can have modifications.
And things to consider are also a little bit aspractical things.
What's the background behind you?
Because that will dictate what kind of colorsyou're gonna wear.
What is the temperature going to be?
(33:38):
Are you gonna be comfortable?
Are you gonna be sweating?
In terms of again, what do you wanna who is inthe audience?
What do you want to project?
Are you speaking in front of somebody who youwhere you want to project authority or
relatability is what we spoke before.
(33:58):
It's a little bit difficult to answer in termsof be because all the events, obviously, are
different than all the people, businesses, andexperts Trend groups
and stuff like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
So it would depend.
Right?
If it's a one to one coaching session, let'ssay, in my case Mhmm.
(34:19):
Versus if it's the same events, you might havekind of pre prelim things with leaders, for
instance, and you do a little meet and greet.
So of course, then I would think you're stillit's very important that you still have a
certain level of presence when you're meetingwith those individuals.
And then obviously on the stage, that's theultimate, right?
Because you really want you want it to be spoton so that they focus just on, okay.
(34:44):
She's relatable.
I I think I can listen to her.
She seems comfortable.
Okay.
I'm gonna listen to her.
I'm gonna give her a bit of time, and then youcan deliver.
So I think I like that.
So just coming up with still comfortability, Ithink, is important.
Like you said, skin tone.
I'm like I said, I'm Middle Eastern and Indian,so I've got a bit of a different blend compared
(35:05):
to you being for people that aren't seeing caseshe's a redhead.
So with paler skin, you're the things thatwould match you would be different for me and
those types of things.
But I like that.
So to kinda take it and think, even if I'm oneto one with someone, am I comfortable?
Am I still purveying the feeling I want thatperson to get, but I can also kind of still be
(35:29):
within my brand?
If I'm in an environment where I'm gonna beseen all day, for instance, I wanna kinda have
that continuum of what my brand says and thatI'm not wearing something that's gonna, like
you said, wash me out or make me lookcompletely out of my element.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, Kaye, for people that I know we werechatting before we got on and for people that
(35:53):
might wanna reach out or consult with you orjust get to know a little bit more about your
business, I know you talked a little bit aboutsomething that's coming up.
First of all, tell them where they can getahold of you.
And if you have the master class coming, ifthat's something you'd like to tell them about,
I think people may be interested.
So in general, a good place to connect is myLinkedIn, and I I can send you the link to that
(36:19):
to share.
And I work with people either one to one or ina group setting.
With the group setting, it's for femaleentrepreneurs and experts and speakers.
One to one, I work with both male and female.
And the master class, I am planning to runthose regularly.
(36:41):
And, again, that that's something I can sharewith you if people are interested.
But, yeah, ultimately, re reaching to me onLinkedIn and saying that you heard me on
Roxanne's podcast, that would be fantastic toto just start the conversation and to feel free
to ask any questions on whatever we spoke abouttoday.
(37:03):
Well, Kaye, this has been I've learned a lot,and I realized I have some work to do.
And I have to take a little bit of risk withdifferent styles.
Then I go to the big department store andprobably try different things.
Because like I said, I'm a creature of habit.
I'm sure not alike from a lot of people thatare listening.
That might have to dress for occasions.
(37:25):
What I'm walking away with is even if you aresomeone that has your brand colors, I love the
tip that she gave about the complementary coloron the color wheel.
And just go take that.
I know I'm gonna do that.
And I talk about authenticity and I always say,you need to put that forward, who you are, what
(37:48):
you do.
People want that even more so in this kind ofartificial intelligence world.
So it's so important, some of the things thatwe're talking about today, so that you can
stand out.
People can really know you are, who you arebased on all the elements of your brand.
But, again, dressing the part helps, and itobviously brings people more in alignment, like
(38:11):
Kay says, so that they can go, okay.
I can listen to him or her now.
So, hopefully, you can take some tips away fromtoday's show.
And please go back, go on to iTunes and give usa review and let Kay know what you thought
about this podcast.
So for me, if you're wanting to know how you'remore authentically connected or where you are
in reference to either work relationships orhome relationships, and you wanna just figure
(38:35):
out where how do I bench there?
Where do I sit?
You can go to roxanderhodge.com/quiz.
Do a mini quiz.
We'll send you the results and with somerecommendations of next steps.
And you can reach out anytime that you wantsome information from you from me.
K.
Again, thanks so much for everybody.
Thanks for hanging out with us, and we'll talkto you soon.
(38:56):
Take care.
Thanks for tuning in to Authentic Living withRoxanne, creating the space for positive,
healthy change.
Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist,and coach.
To work with Roxanne, visitRoxanneDurhaj.com/blueprint.
(39:17):
We'll see you next time on Authentic Livingwith Roxanne.
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