Beyond Pronatalism | Finding fulfillment, with or without kids
To have or not have kids is one of the biggest decisions we make in our lives, and yet how many of us know that we even have a choice about how we define and create our families? Beyond Pronatalism host Nandita Bajaj interviews women and men from diverse backgrounds who are courageously and creatively navigating pronatalism - the powerful pressures to have children - whether from family, friends, or the culture at large. Through intimate conversations, they discuss how they are forging unconventional pathways to fulfillment, including redefining what family means to them - whether that means being childfree or childless, having biological children, adopting or fostering children or animals, or creating close-knit communities of friends and loved ones.
Episodes
Growing up in rural, Catholic Newfoundland, Lindsey absorbed the expectation that motherhood was her destiny. Seeking external validation through relationships with men, she struggled to understand why traditional family life seemed to come so easily to others but eluded her. Writing her book, Nobody's Mother: A Childfree Memoir, saved her life and helped...
Growing up in the counterculture of the 1960s, Sarah felt alienated when her peers embraced the traditional path of marriage and family, while she pursued a life of scholarship. Pulled by the strength of pronatalism, she briefly experimented with marriage only to realize that path was not for her. In her book, Pronatalism: Discourses and Counterdiscourses, Sarah examines the pronatalist tropes that shape women's lives, from the "bi...
Raised in a conservative Christian family in Germany, David was raised with the belief that marriage and children were inevitable, an assumption he carried into his relationships despite privately questioning the morality of procreation. When he learned that his fertility was severely impaired, he felt an unexpected sense of relief. As his concerns about climate change, animal suffering, and an uncertain future intensified, David c...
Alex grew up immersed in the pronatalism of suburban family life, and she assumed marriage and motherhood were in her future. Now married, a recent health diagnosis has complicated her plans to conceive. Alex's strong environmental values, minimalist approach to consumption, and desire for 'slow travel' have kept her and her husband open to the possibilities of a fulfilling childfree life.
See episode website for show notes, ...
Therese grew up assuming marriage and motherhood were simply part of her future, even though she sensed from early adulthood that neither felt right for her. It wasn't until she was 40, as she became a documentary filmmaker with her first film, I Was a Teenage Feminist, that she realized she was already living a fulfilling life. That awakening led her to ...
Nathan knew from a young age that he never wanted children, a resolve that only got stronger as he woke up to pronatalism in college. Now in his late 30s and in a committed childfree relationship, Nathan values the freedom that being childfree allows him — from reflecting in solitude and going on long bike rides with his partner, to enriching his political awareness and writing about social justice and animal rights.
Se...
Raised in Greece by progressive, highly educated parents, Elisa felt little pressure to become a mother and ultimately chose a childfree life shaped by concerns for her own mental health and the future of life on Earth. We explore her work on ecological grief and why society often overlooks grief related to environmental loss and the death of companion animals. Dedicated to the protection of animals and the more-than-human world, E...
As the oldest child, Erich spent much of his youth caring for younger siblings and cousins, and that experience squashed any 'parental instinct' he might have had. Repeatedly denied a vasectomy as a young adult, he endured years of frustration and several pregnancy scares before finally receiving the procedure that brought him lasting peace of mind. By his mid-thirties, Erich concluded that he preferred to remain single, and today ...
After watching her parents struggle raising her and her siblings and experiencing similar challenges with extensive babysitting in her youth, Jenn knew that she didn't want children. But cultural narratives made her believe that motherhood was mandatory, pushing her to become engaged to a person who wanted children and wasn't right for her. Two years late...
Raised in a religious and pronatalist French family, author-illustrator Emma Duval (also known as Millennial Emma) knew from a young age that she did not want children. Discovering an online childfree community in early adulthood gave her the language and sense of belonging she needed to embrace the childfree choice and resist the pronatalist pressures fr...
Raised in a violent home by an alcoholic and regretful mother and mostly absent father, Steve knew from an early age that he did not want to become a parent. His journey as a young man from the U.S. to Venezuela led him to found a family planning organization serving rural women, work that brought him both purpose and healing. His choice to be childfree and vegan reflects enduring concerns about overpopulation, environmental limits...
Raised in the dominant culture that equates fulfillment with marriage and children, social scientist and author of Single at Heart, Bella DePaulo, came to recognize that living single was her most authentic and joyful life path. Over decades of research, writing, teaching, and community organizing, she has challenged the harmful stereotypes and systemic biases faced by single people, w...
Growing up on military bases in a traditional family with traditional expectations, comedian and author Lisa Rimmert always assumed she would have children. But the desire to become a mother never came. After weighing the choice with her husband, they realized that simply "not wanting children" was reason enough, and they found great clarity and freedom in the decision. Now in her early 40s, childfree, vegan, and living with their ...
After surviving sexual violence at age 13 in Indonesia and receiving little support from authorities, Dina Chaerani dedicated her life to advocating for survivors and promoting comprehensive sexuality education. Now living childfree with her partner in the Netherlands, she still faces intense family and social pressure in Indonesia to conform to traditional expectations of marriage and motherhood. Despite these pronatalist pressure...
Parker had known since he was young that he didn't want children, a choice his parents fully supported. However, his request to get a vasectomy at 18 was denied by most medical professionals on the basis of his age. After a lengthy deliberation process, one clinic agreed to perform the procedure on the condition that he freeze his sperm. Now 22, Parker chats about the relief he and his partner feel after his vasectomy and reflects ...
Raised in Peru in a loving family, Sabrina felt affirmed early on in her desire to not have children. But, after moving to Portugal in her 30s, she faced a lot of societal judgment about her decision to remain childfree. With support from her partner and inspiration from the stories she's heard on the Beyond Pronatalism podcast, Sabrina is now building a supportive childfree community in Porto.
Raised within pronatalist rural Midwestern US, Sarah experienced an accidental pregnancy while serving in the Peace Corps and chose to have an abortion. Feeling ashamed and lonely, she turned to the healing power of nature by hiking the Appalachian Trail and found the courage to write a book and speak publicly about her abortion experience. A decade later, Sarah remains grateful for her abortion, and lives a childfree, materially s...
Mike and Nandita met in a philosophy class in Toronto. Nandita was trying to break out of the traditional cultural norms of her Indian upbringing. Mike was dissatisfied by the hyper-consumerist norms of his culture. With shared values around environmentalism, minimalism, and philosophy, they instantly connected — a connection that soon blossomed into a relationship. A transformative conversation around...
Growing up in the Soviet Union, Diana felt intense pressure to both excel professionally and become a mother. As a young adult focused on her academic and professional path, her parents' unrelenting pressures for grandchildren left her feeling angry and betrayed. Her rebellion led her to create a multi-media project about regretful mothers titled Undo Motherhood. An accidental pregnancy followed by a miscarriage made her realize th...
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