May 2, 2025 • 31 mins
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From medical schools teaching about "pregnant men" to unhinged woke friends and beyond, I react to your woke horror stories & confessions in this episode of the Brad vs Everyone podcast.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Med school's teaching gender madness, friends who think voting differently
is killing women of color, and a communist buddy who
won't stop misgendering you as trans when you're not. All
this and so much more is coming up and a
(00:20):
Friday episode of The Brad Versus Everyone podcasts, my daily
show where we take on the craziest ideas from across
the internet, our media, and our politics, all from an
independent perspective. We're going to do another voice mailbag episode
where I take your notes and hear all about your
crazy experiences and give you my thoughts on how you
should handle them up. First, we've got a listener who's
(00:42):
currently in med school but is being instructed that men
can get pregnant. Let's stick a listen to her message.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hi brat am Milo, I'm a medical student from Sweden.
First of all, I just want to say that I
really love your show. I watch it every day and
I've learned a lot from you. I think you are
very nuanced and interesting to listen to. So I'm absolutely
very happy about that. And finally I found someone who
(01:10):
agrees with me. So what I wanted to tell you
is that today at school, we had the seminar about
LGBTQ acceptance, and I mean, of course it's an important issue,
right If I'm a doctor, I can't discriminate people based
on sexual orientation or if they're trends or not. But
my problem is that they said such sick things. Like
(01:32):
the woman who was holding the seminars, she said like, yeah,
if you meet a pregnant man, you can be like this,
and I was like, excuse me, there's no such thing
as a pregnant man. And I just thought these things.
I didn't say anything. And my question is like, if
you were in my place, would you have said anything
and life spoken up and like, excuse me, this is
going a bit too far, or would just have bitten
(01:54):
your tongue and like try not to lose too many
brain cells because I was a bit frustrated, to be honest.
So thank you so much for everything you're doing, and
have a good day.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Well, thank you so much for that note and for listening.
I have a lot of thoughts. Okay, because if you
guys have listened to my show for a while heard
me answer these ways, knows that a past you'll know
I'm generally a pretty big proponent that you should speak up,
even if it's uncomfortable, even if it might ruffle feathers,
even if you might lose friends. Like I think it
(02:26):
is important to stand up for your values, but there
are some situations and some contexts where you do have
to be strategic, and what in the short term speaking
your mind may achieve may be outweighed by the long
term harm to you personally or your career, and to
the long term harm to your ability to actually advocate
(02:46):
for your value. So this is a good example where
I think probably not speaking up was the right call.
And I probably wouldn't have spoken up in the moment
because you're a med student and I'm close to this
issue because obviously it's in the US, so it's a
different system. But my partner here is a doctor and
I was with him through all a medical school and
all of this, so I'm somewhat familiar with the system
(03:07):
and the power dynamics. You're a med student, you're at
the bottom of the barrel. You're trying to make it
in this field. If you were to speak up and
you were to challenge this person and be accused of
transphobia or discrimination or something, it could be a real
issue for your career, and frankly, I'm not sure what
it would really accomplish. You've got this woke person in
this position of power by your medical school. They're not
(03:31):
going to change their mind. Your classmates probably either are
rolling their eyes and agree with you or agree with
this person. Very few of them would probably change their
mind one way or the other. But it could become
a huge problem for you and stop you potentially with
career consequences, or make it harder for you to advance
to the point where you become a full fledged doctor.
(03:52):
Have a position of power and can make sure that
when you teach students you don't teach them that nonsense,
or that you actually stick up for biology and in
reality in your care and in your practice. And then
maybe a little later down the line, you put your
foot down and you have some uncomfortable conversations. But I
really can't recommend doing it when you're so low down
(04:12):
on the totem pole and you're just trying to get started,
especially all over a situation like a pregnant man, so
a female who identifies this transgender but is still pregnant.
The odds that you will encounter that in medical school
or at all in your medical career are near zero
because there's not very many people who fall into that
kind of category. So look, obviously only females can get pregnant.
(04:36):
This is basic biology and you should want that affirmed
and understood in medical practices. But I don't think causing
a big problem for yourself as a lowly med student
and potentially hurting your career progress or getting you in trouble.
I don't really think it's worth it for taking a
stand here. That wouldn't really accomplish anything. But in the
(04:57):
long term, it's more important that smart people in touch
with reality move along and get into positions of power
and become doctors and become you know, residency directors and
the like. In the long term, that's more important. So
that's my advice on that situation. I do normally recommend
that people speak up, but maybe not in this case.
What do you guys think, Do you agree with my
(05:18):
advice on this or do you think she should do
something differently? Do let me know in the comments and guys,
these messages just kept getting crazier and crazier, and we'll
get into some more doozies after this. I don't want
to end up like these people, but I ate today.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
As a fatty good morning batty a pancakes.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Sat so much.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
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today's episode, and now back to the show up next.
This message is actually really sad, and my heart goes
out to this woman because she called in to tell
(06:45):
us about something horrible that happened to her that she
didn't report to the police because she was so woke.
She was worried that reporting a crime might be racist. Thankfully,
she's seen the light. But let's take a listen to
her experience.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Okay, Brad, longtime listener. I'm in my early thirties. I
grew up in the South. I'm a white woman, and
I ended up attending a liberal arts college and got
really sucked into that far left, woke type mentality. I
learned a lot, and I tried to be as progressive
(07:20):
as possible to the point where it was detrimental to me.
I was sexually assaulted by a black man after a party,
and I didn't report it, even though I knew it
was sexual assault. I woke up and knew exactly what
it was, and I didn't report it because I was
(07:42):
so in that mindset that if I did, I would
be contributing to a system that would have that has
been historically used to oppress black men, in particular, that
I would have been a racist if I had, you know,
reported a man for a crime he committed against me.
(08:06):
And so I'm very angry that this happened to me,
and I really want to warn people to not if
something's if there's a belief system that's telling you not
to go to the authorities after you've been harmed or
a victim, like an actual victim of a crime, that
is a problem. Anyways, thanks for listening, of.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Course, and thank you for your voice not and for
sharing your story. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
It really that's something so terrible. I really can't even
comprehend how you must feel, but my heart goes out
to you. I will say I agree with your final
sentiment here. Anytime you're in a political movement or an
ideology or a church or anything where you feel like
(08:53):
you can't go to authorities when someone has objectively harmed you,
that is a bad sign. That is the sign of
a cult, and it is a red flag. Nobody should
ever be able to do that to someone. I don't
know how long ago this was, If it wasn't that
long ago. There might still be some legal, criminal or
(09:13):
civil remedies you could pursue. That's something you'd have to
look into with the laws in your state, and with
whatever you decide to go, what direction would would be
best for you and for healing. But I'm so sorry
you had to deal with that, obviously, you know there's
a limit to anything we should. Of course, we should
acknowledge the racist history of our country, like we have become,
(09:36):
in my view, the most diverse and multicultural, large scale
civilization in human history and probably one of the least
racist places in the world. But we weren't always that way.
We did have this horrific system of slavery and Jim
Crow and all this discrimination in this racism, and we
should be able to acknowledge that and even talk about
ways that it still may affect the present without going
(09:57):
into this toxic dei insanity or this you know, identity
obsessed worldview, or this like reverse hierarchy of victimhood where
all these things where you go so far in the
opposite extreme it's like you're too open minded, your brain
will might fall out. And it almost sounds too hard
to believe, guys, that someone could really be so woke
they'd be afraid to report a black person for a
(10:19):
crime because they don't want to contribute to systemic racism
or whatever. But it's not if you've lived in very blue,
hyper woke spaces, whether it's college campuses or like cities
in deep blue areas, some people really do feel that way.
It is almost just like a default assumption on racial
lines in some situations, because when you're so far down
(10:41):
the woke pipeline, you really view the world between oppressed
and oppressors, when in fact, everyone has shades of gray
in their life, and there's really nobody who's just pure
privileged and somebody who's purely oppressed, or at least that
describes very few individuals, and it's all actually multifaceted and complicated.
But yeah, some people actually do find themselves thinking that way,
(11:03):
and it is not good. But my heart goes out
to you, and I'm really glad you were able to
see the light. Hopefully more people can follow in your footsteps.
Up next, we got an interesting voice note from somebody
who's enlisting in the military and going through the training
and encountered a transgender peer but didn't think that was
still allowed let's take a listen.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
I'm eighteen years old and this just happened two weeks ago,
and I wanted to see what you would have done
in this situation or what your thoughts are on this situation.
So I was going up for events testing, which is
no tary testing. And while up there, he's been two
days up there, they bored you with a roommate. They
(11:44):
tried to put me with a trans mail which I
wasn't comfortable with, and they easily got me my own room.
But that wasn't the end of dealing with this situation.
Over the next two days, this trans individual held up
medical for over an hour. They wanted their name changed
(12:06):
on important identification badges, and they were rude to everyone
around them and inconsiderate, just an overall crappy person to
be around. And this is my first time ever like
in person, like experiencing or meeting a trans person. And
I know not all of them are like this, but
(12:30):
since I have gone down this path of going into
the military, I was under the impression that Trump was
banning all trans identifying individuals from joining the US military.
I don't know if this has been paused or stopped
or what but I want to know if this at
what you would do in the situation, or what do
you think of it? Thank you?
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Wow, So I'm again really sorry you had this bad experience.
I definitely agree with you that like, no, not all
trans people are like this. You can't judge any whole
group of people just by one experience with one person.
But it does sound like this person, brands or not,
is just particularly obnoxious. I was confused by this this
story because it is true the Trump administration instituted a
(13:14):
ban on transgender people from enlisting in the military, and
that was supposed to go into effect several months ago.
My only guess is either that this particular branch or
piece of the military is not in compliance with this,
which is probably an issue that you could report to
the Pentagon in some capacity, or that maybe with the
(13:34):
legal challenges, you know there are lawsuits against this, maybe
the restrictions have been temporarily paused while the legal challenges
are heard. That could also be the case. Either way,
all of that's out of your control. What I would
say is just like, look, it sounds like you're handling
it pretty well. If you're not comfortable with it, you
shouldn't be forced to room with a biologically male person,
(13:57):
and you weren't, and you stook up for yourself quest
to a change, you were given the change. And then
you know, if this person is going to make a
scene for themselves or cause problems, I would just let
them do it and mind your own business and keep
it moving and not let it bring you down or
stop you from going where you want to go or
making the progress you want to make in your military career.
(14:18):
So honestly, I'm sorry to hear you had a negative experience,
but it already sounds like you have this one pretty
much figured out. Up next, we got a voicemail from
somebody who is experiencing something I can certainly relate to
with my background. Let's take a listen.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
I brought.
Speaker 6 (14:33):
My name is Shanna. I'm a longtime fan of yours,
and I just had a question about like a fish
out of water in a liberal state when your views
are more like center right, because I feel like there
is a certain narrative here. It could be my narrow mindset,
but I feel like there's a certain narrative here. You're
supposed to think a certain way, You're supposed to just
go along with woke policies because you're in New York,
(14:55):
and of course you're liberal because you live in New York.
My dad is very left leaning, my best friend is
very left leaning, anti Trump. So it's hard to come
by people in this state who kind of think similar
similarly to you. And you feel like when it comes
to political conversations, you really can't speak up because you
(15:18):
feel like most people in the room would agree with
the other person and ostracize you. So how do you
deal with, like in a liberal state, feeling like a
fish out of water?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
So this one spoke to my soul a little bit,
because let me tell you I can relate. I grew
up in Rhode Island in Massachusetts, which are two very
blue states. I then went to college at the University
of Massachusetts Amherst, which is super left wing, super social
justice and even like Marxist in its economics department where
(15:49):
I studied, and I was decidedly none of those things.
So I did not fit in. I was very much
the black sheep on campus, and I absolutely felt like
a fish out of water at times. But I was
able to find people who I vibed with, even if
they didn't agree with me politically, just who were open minded,
and I was able to make friends. What I would say, though, is, actually,
(16:11):
I think it might be worth speaking out in those
rooms where you're you know, you know your opinion isn't
shared by most people. Because what happened to me when
I did that, at least in college, is I'd be
in my discussion section for some polypsy class and we'd
be debating affirmative action and I'd be the only one
against it or something like that. I'd walk out into
the you know, the dining hall or whatever at the
(16:32):
end of class. Multiple people would come up to me
after and say, Oh, I'm so glad you spoke out.
I'm so glad you said something. I completely agree with you.
Now I am being slightly bitter towards those people being like, okay, well,
I'm glad, but could have used a little bit of
backup in there. But they're like they would literally say
to me, I just don't want to say anything because
I don't want my friends to hate me. But actually
putting yourself out there first is how you may You
(16:54):
may find those people who do agree with you, or
do have similar values, or even if they don't agree
with you just like are open minded and appreciate somebody
having a different view, and they will seek you out
if you sometimes put yourself in those uncomfortable situations, speak
out in a room where you know your opinion isn't
going to be appreciated by most people, because even in
(17:15):
a place like New York City, for example, Trump did
win thirty percent of the vote in New York City,
that's three out of ten people. And then I'm sure
there are other people who are like moderate or centrist
or libertarian or didn't vote for Trump who would still
be open to being your friend or have similar values
to you to some extent. So I would recommend taking
(17:35):
that step, even if it's uncomfortable sometimes and putting yourself
out there and offering that different opinion, because you never
know who's listening, and that might actually be the way
that you attract the people who are similar to you
to come to you by letting it be known that
you're not like the majority or the hive mind there,
and they may appreciate that. But if you're all just
(17:56):
quiet about it, no one ever says anything, you'll never
find each other. So that would be my advice. I
know it's not always easy, but I would encourage you
to do it when it's appropriate. Up next, we've got
somebody who was accused of killing women of color for
not voting. Yes, seriously, let let's take a listen.
Speaker 7 (18:14):
Hey, Brad, I've listened for a while. My name is Emma.
I'm twenty, I am a lesbian, and I've had interactions
with kind of the far I guess you could say
far left, but like incredibly possessive progressive mindset, And I
just wanted to tell you about one crazy experience real quick.
Freshman year of college, I was in the dorms and
(18:37):
my roommate we were good friends, Like I didn't know
her before, but we became kind of close with her
and her friends and it was all good. And then
the senator elections came around or sorry for like state
rep or whatever, and I wasn't I didn't feel informed
enough to properly cast a vote. And I think that's important,
and I also think like being able to vote is
(18:59):
so great and it's so important that people feel heard
and everything. And I just decided that this one wasn't
something that I would vote in personally, and so she
had asked me, and she was like her, are you voting?
And I was like, no, I'm probably not, and she
kept on getting on me and I was like, oh man,
to the point where the whole second semester ignored me.
(19:19):
We're living in the same room, small dorm, We're sleeping
like four feet apart, ignoring me like cold turkey, nothing.
And then she was on Twitter reposting her girlfriend's tweets
about how not voting is indirectly or directly killing women
of color, which, personally, I think that's a stretch, but
(19:40):
let me know what you think.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
I don't just think that's a stretch. I think that's
like mental gymnastics worthy of an Olympic gold. Okay, the
idea that a vote or not voting for your state
representative is killing women of color is so un tethered
from reality, is so unhinged that it's like, this is
(20:05):
a person who, at least for right now, is beyond reaching.
And it sucks that they like iced you out and
you had that awkward living situation, but it was never
gonna work out with y'all if it was this kind
of person. That kind of person can only vibe with
people who are like them, and so you're obviously not
you're obviously you know somebody who thinks differently and has
(20:26):
different values than this person. And thank goodness, so I mean, yeah,
you kind of dodged a bullet with that one. I
doubt this person is a whole lot of fun at parties,
to be honest, I guess I would just love to know, like, oh,
to this person, So, all those women of color who
choose not to vote, you really think they're killing themselves?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Like?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Do you really think that? Explained to me? Seriously? I
would Sometimes when you're talking to truly delusional people, the
best way to interact with them is to simply ask
questions that they cannot answer, Like I would say to
somebody who believes that, walk me through the step by step,
how do you get from me not voting in my
(21:07):
local state rep election, which is one vote for one
seat in a body that I'm sure is swung by
far more than one seat, to killing women of color?
And then I would question them at each stage of that,
because I think it would pretty quickly implode the series
of logical leaps you'd have to make to get there.
And I doubt anyone ever actually has forced them to
(21:28):
say it out loud, explain all the steps. That's one
way to refuse something like this, But like I said,
with people this far gone, it might not be worth trying.
Like I would just probably find a different friend if
I was you, That's what I would have done, or
switched roommates, called up that ra been Like, listen, we
got a de Lulu epidemic in forty four C. I'm
(21:50):
going to need to move stat because some people can't
be reached, and you must have the patients of a
saint dealing with that for a whole semester or whatever.
So good on you, and thanks for the note. Up next,
this one is kind of hilarious. But this person's friend
won't stop misgendering them as trans when they are not.
(22:12):
Let's take a listen.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Well, a brad name is Alithia, and I used to
be a trans man. I have since de transitioned, but
I still speak to my friends from this time, not
all of them, but a few of them. And I
have one friend who constantly asked me every single time
we speak, whether it be on the phone, over text,
(22:35):
in person, what pronouns do you go by? And what's
your name? She's very, very far left, even identifies with
communism and with just very far left ideas, and I
don't know how to move forward in this friendship because
(22:59):
every time politics comes up and I try to speak
my opinion, she immediately shuts me down, saying things like, oh,
you're just one of Trump's supporters, You're just one of
his meat writers, things like that, and it's just very obnoxious.
And I really wish politics would stop coming up in conversation,
but it just does not. And then my family, on
(23:19):
the other hand, is constantly telling me, oh, well, you're
just such a Democrat and a liberal and all these things,
because I say, can we not make racist remarks family
functions like my cousin who said he would never dig
an Indian woman because they all smell terrible and they're disgusting. Anyways, Yeah,
I just wanted to share that. I don't have any
specific question, but if you have advice, let me know.
(23:41):
Thank you.
Speaker 7 (23:41):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah. So the feeling where around liberals they think you're
far right fascist, and then around like super right wing
people they think you're some woke lib so relatable that
is me, you are me. We are on the same
wavelength there, And you know, do you whoever you want,
but like, those are pretty bad reasons because dating an
(24:03):
Indian woman is probably first off, they don't stink like
different people have different hygiene habits, it's nothing to do
with their race. And two that cooking is probably going
to be fire. So if I was straight, maybe i'd
be dating an Indian woman. But yeah, to your main point,
I find this so hilarious and so hypocritical that you
are de transition, you are not trans, and this super
(24:27):
woke friend is misgendering you or like trying to make sure,
oh are you trans, like oh should I should I
call you that? And you're like no, that's fine, and
they're like, oh, are you sure. I would just say
very clearly to this person, listen, I am not trans,
I have d transition. I am a female. My pronouns
(24:47):
are she her because that's what you call females, and
that's that. Please don't bring it up again. I'll let
you know if something changes. And if your friend doesn't
respect that, then I think that's an issue. I would
try to just set that boundary say listen, stop trying
to trans me. I'm not doing it. I'm not going
to do the thay them like I'm good I'll let
you know, and if they can't respect that boundary, then
(25:10):
you know that's not really them engaging in your friendship
in a healthy way. I would say the same thing
about politics. It sounds like this is a person who
may be a lovely human being in a number of ways,
but politically is a little cucko. I would just say
to this friend, listen, I don't want to talk about
politics anymore. I'm asking you. Let's just keep it out
of our friendship, talk about other stuff and avoid it.
(25:33):
Please don't bring it up anymore. I'm asking you to
do that. And again, it is perfectly reasonable to establish
a boundary like that in a relationship, and if somebody
is repeatedly not willing to respect it, then they have
said to you they don't respect you enough to respect
your boundaries. So I would simply openly say that. I know,
like with friends or family, a lot of people shy
(25:55):
away from any form of confrontation, and this would be
a little confrontational, but it doesn't have to be super confrontational.
Just be like, listen on the news exhaust me these days.
I don't want to talk about it. Can we just
not please respect my feelings? On that, and that is
perfectly reasonable, and if they're not willing to respect that,
then you might have to reevaluate that friendship. But hopefully
(26:16):
they are and you can have a positive relationship and
take whatever good is there and leave the trans misgendering
when you're not and the political rants out of it.
I hope it works out for y'all. Okay, we got
one final caller who wants to tell us about her
crazy gay coworkers. Let's take a listen.
Speaker 8 (26:36):
Hey, Brad, my name is a big fan of what
you do. If you don't mind cutting my name out
of this just in case a coworker happens to hear it,
that would be great. Essentially, I'm looking for advice on
how to deal with very publicly woke or liberal co
workers when you are not that yourself, and I have
no problem with them being this way, but they seem
(26:58):
to sometimes feel comfortable saying things that are just kind
of crazy. Basically, last year, I was on a trip
with a couple of my coworkers, and to not be
too specific, a couple of these coworkers are openly gay,
and I was in the car with them and one
person basically said he did not want Trump to win
because he thinks that Republicans want to quote no gays
(27:23):
and no blacks unquote. Obviously that's not true for most
Republicans or rightly new people like myself. Just wondering if
you have any advice on how to act in these situations.
Would you play it cool? Would you push back on
the narrative thinking just about you know, being publicly outed
as a Trump supporter would be somewhat scary sometimes in
(27:44):
today's political climate. So appreciate it, and thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
So that is so funny to me because y'all, look,
I used to run in DC Republican circles and there
are so many gays working for former RNC chair Ronna
Romney McDaniel. Our whole team was gayze. At one point
under Trump's first term, the whole RNC was practically run
by a gaze. So look, obviously a lot of this
rhetoric is overwrought. I can't really give you the answer
(28:11):
here because it's kind of a calculation you have to make.
Do you want to just go along for the ride
and just zip your lip and avoid conflict or do
you want to kind of assert yourself because what I
would recommend doing is. I would say, if that comment
was made in front of me, I would say, well,
what's your basis for that? And I would ask and
then I would say, and why do you believe that?
(28:33):
And then I would say, Okay, well, polling, and I'd
cite a poll or something, and I'd say, look, shows
fifty one percent of Republican support gay marriage. Do you
think those people want no gays? So you acknowledge that
at least half of Republicans do not in fact want
no gays. Then I would go and I would say,
I don't know, point out the fact that Trump literally
(28:53):
put a gay person and a black person in his cabinet,
and ask him if is that what somebody who wants
no gaze and no blacks would do? Like, I would
really get very elementary on this, but ultimately I'm not
sure it will get through to them. But I would
just try to present them with basic facts that undercut
that narrative and then ask them how they explain that,
because most people who say these kinds of things haven't
(29:16):
thought them through that deeply. Because if you do, I
mean a statement like that that's so extreme and so kind
of devoid of nuance and like absolutist does pretty quickly
fall apart. So I would present it all in a
questioning manner. I would try to not be overly aggressive,
and I would just kind of socratically hopefully make them
(29:37):
realize that they haven't thought this as through as they have.
The other option is to say to them, listen, I
am a Trump supporter. I voted for Trump, and of
course I don't want no gays and no blacks. And
there's tons of people like me, so you know me
to be a good person, you should open your mind
to the fact that this stuff is complicated and people
might have voted for Trump for reasons you don't understand
(29:58):
or agree with, but not all bad people. And that's
kind of a myopic and devoid of intellectual humility way
to look at the world. And they would probably be
stunned into silence about you saying something like that. But
it might cause them to reflect who knows, or it
might cause them to cuss you out and it might
be awkward at the water cooler in your office for
(30:20):
the rest of your life. So it is a calculation
you have to make. But whatever you decide, hope it
goes well and sorry that you have to deal with
this kind of the Lulu in the workplace, but I
guess it's an occupational hazard these days. All right, Everybody,
let me know what you think in the comments below.
I'll also put the link. If you want to send
me a voice note, just leave your first name, doesn't
(30:41):
even have to be a real one. Tell me something
about your life, or you want advice or some tea
or some drama, and I may respond to it in
a future episode. Please do like and subscribe if you
haven't yet. YadA YadA yah, and we'll talk again real
so
Med school's teaching gender madness, friends who think voting differently
is killing women of color, and a communist buddy who
won't stop misgendering you as trans when you're not. All
this and so much more is coming up and a
(00:20):
Friday episode of The Brad Versus Everyone podcasts, my daily
show where we take on the craziest ideas from across
the internet, our media, and our politics, all from an
independent perspective. We're going to do another voice mailbag episode
where I take your notes and hear all about your
crazy experiences and give you my thoughts on how you
should handle them up. First, we've got a listener who's
(00:42):
currently in med school but is being instructed that men
can get pregnant. Let's stick a listen to her message.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hi brat am Milo, I'm a medical student from Sweden.
First of all, I just want to say that I
really love your show. I watch it every day and
I've learned a lot from you. I think you are
very nuanced and interesting to listen to. So I'm absolutely
very happy about that. And finally I found someone who
(01:10):
agrees with me. So what I wanted to tell you
is that today at school, we had the seminar about
LGBTQ acceptance, and I mean, of course it's an important issue,
right If I'm a doctor, I can't discriminate people based
on sexual orientation or if they're trends or not. But
my problem is that they said such sick things. Like
(01:32):
the woman who was holding the seminars, she said like, yeah,
if you meet a pregnant man, you can be like this,
and I was like, excuse me, there's no such thing
as a pregnant man. And I just thought these things.
I didn't say anything. And my question is like, if
you were in my place, would you have said anything
and life spoken up and like, excuse me, this is
going a bit too far, or would just have bitten
(01:54):
your tongue and like try not to lose too many
brain cells because I was a bit frustrated, to be honest.
So thank you so much for everything you're doing, and
have a good day.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Well, thank you so much for that note and for listening.
I have a lot of thoughts. Okay, because if you
guys have listened to my show for a while heard
me answer these ways, knows that a past you'll know
I'm generally a pretty big proponent that you should speak up,
even if it's uncomfortable, even if it might ruffle feathers,
even if you might lose friends. Like I think it
(02:26):
is important to stand up for your values, but there
are some situations and some contexts where you do have
to be strategic, and what in the short term speaking
your mind may achieve may be outweighed by the long
term harm to you personally or your career, and to
the long term harm to your ability to actually advocate
(02:46):
for your value. So this is a good example where
I think probably not speaking up was the right call.
And I probably wouldn't have spoken up in the moment
because you're a med student and I'm close to this
issue because obviously it's in the US, so it's a
different system. But my partner here is a doctor and
I was with him through all a medical school and
all of this, so I'm somewhat familiar with the system
(03:07):
and the power dynamics. You're a med student, you're at
the bottom of the barrel. You're trying to make it
in this field. If you were to speak up and
you were to challenge this person and be accused of
transphobia or discrimination or something, it could be a real
issue for your career, and frankly, I'm not sure what
it would really accomplish. You've got this woke person in
this position of power by your medical school. They're not
(03:31):
going to change their mind. Your classmates probably either are
rolling their eyes and agree with you or agree with
this person. Very few of them would probably change their
mind one way or the other. But it could become
a huge problem for you and stop you potentially with
career consequences, or make it harder for you to advance
to the point where you become a full fledged doctor.
(03:52):
Have a position of power and can make sure that
when you teach students you don't teach them that nonsense,
or that you actually stick up for biology and in
reality in your care and in your practice. And then
maybe a little later down the line, you put your
foot down and you have some uncomfortable conversations. But I
really can't recommend doing it when you're so low down
(04:12):
on the totem pole and you're just trying to get started,
especially all over a situation like a pregnant man, so
a female who identifies this transgender but is still pregnant.
The odds that you will encounter that in medical school
or at all in your medical career are near zero
because there's not very many people who fall into that
kind of category. So look, obviously only females can get pregnant.
(04:36):
This is basic biology and you should want that affirmed
and understood in medical practices. But I don't think causing
a big problem for yourself as a lowly med student
and potentially hurting your career progress or getting you in trouble.
I don't really think it's worth it for taking a
stand here. That wouldn't really accomplish anything. But in the
(04:57):
long term, it's more important that smart people in touch
with reality move along and get into positions of power
and become doctors and become you know, residency directors and
the like. In the long term, that's more important. So
that's my advice on that situation. I do normally recommend
that people speak up, but maybe not in this case.
What do you guys think, Do you agree with my
(05:18):
advice on this or do you think she should do
something differently? Do let me know in the comments and guys,
these messages just kept getting crazier and crazier, and we'll
get into some more doozies after this. I don't want
to end up like these people, but I ate today.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
As a fatty good morning batty a pancakes.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
Sat so much.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
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today's episode, and now back to the show up next.
This message is actually really sad, and my heart goes
out to this woman because she called in to tell
(06:45):
us about something horrible that happened to her that she
didn't report to the police because she was so woke.
She was worried that reporting a crime might be racist. Thankfully,
she's seen the light. But let's take a listen to
her experience.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Okay, Brad, longtime listener. I'm in my early thirties. I
grew up in the South. I'm a white woman, and
I ended up attending a liberal arts college and got
really sucked into that far left, woke type mentality. I
learned a lot, and I tried to be as progressive
(07:20):
as possible to the point where it was detrimental to me.
I was sexually assaulted by a black man after a party,
and I didn't report it, even though I knew it
was sexual assault. I woke up and knew exactly what
it was, and I didn't report it because I was
(07:42):
so in that mindset that if I did, I would
be contributing to a system that would have that has
been historically used to oppress black men, in particular, that
I would have been a racist if I had, you know,
reported a man for a crime he committed against me.
(08:06):
And so I'm very angry that this happened to me,
and I really want to warn people to not if
something's if there's a belief system that's telling you not
to go to the authorities after you've been harmed or
a victim, like an actual victim of a crime, that
is a problem. Anyways, thanks for listening, of.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Course, and thank you for your voice not and for
sharing your story. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
It really that's something so terrible. I really can't even
comprehend how you must feel, but my heart goes out
to you. I will say I agree with your final
sentiment here. Anytime you're in a political movement or an
ideology or a church or anything where you feel like
(08:53):
you can't go to authorities when someone has objectively harmed you,
that is a bad sign. That is the sign of
a cult, and it is a red flag. Nobody should
ever be able to do that to someone. I don't
know how long ago this was, If it wasn't that
long ago. There might still be some legal, criminal or
(09:13):
civil remedies you could pursue. That's something you'd have to
look into with the laws in your state, and with
whatever you decide to go, what direction would would be
best for you and for healing. But I'm so sorry
you had to deal with that, obviously, you know there's
a limit to anything we should. Of course, we should
acknowledge the racist history of our country, like we have become,
(09:36):
in my view, the most diverse and multicultural, large scale
civilization in human history and probably one of the least
racist places in the world. But we weren't always that way.
We did have this horrific system of slavery and Jim
Crow and all this discrimination in this racism, and we
should be able to acknowledge that and even talk about
ways that it still may affect the present without going
(09:57):
into this toxic dei insanity or this you know, identity
obsessed worldview, or this like reverse hierarchy of victimhood where
all these things where you go so far in the
opposite extreme it's like you're too open minded, your brain
will might fall out. And it almost sounds too hard
to believe, guys, that someone could really be so woke
they'd be afraid to report a black person for a
(10:19):
crime because they don't want to contribute to systemic racism
or whatever. But it's not if you've lived in very blue,
hyper woke spaces, whether it's college campuses or like cities
in deep blue areas, some people really do feel that way.
It is almost just like a default assumption on racial
lines in some situations, because when you're so far down
(10:41):
the woke pipeline, you really view the world between oppressed
and oppressors, when in fact, everyone has shades of gray
in their life, and there's really nobody who's just pure
privileged and somebody who's purely oppressed, or at least that
describes very few individuals, and it's all actually multifaceted and complicated.
But yeah, some people actually do find themselves thinking that way,
(11:03):
and it is not good. But my heart goes out
to you, and I'm really glad you were able to
see the light. Hopefully more people can follow in your footsteps.
Up next, we got an interesting voice note from somebody
who's enlisting in the military and going through the training
and encountered a transgender peer but didn't think that was
still allowed let's take a listen.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
I'm eighteen years old and this just happened two weeks ago,
and I wanted to see what you would have done
in this situation or what your thoughts are on this situation.
So I was going up for events testing, which is
no tary testing. And while up there, he's been two
days up there, they bored you with a roommate. They
(11:44):
tried to put me with a trans mail which I
wasn't comfortable with, and they easily got me my own room.
But that wasn't the end of dealing with this situation.
Over the next two days, this trans individual held up
medical for over an hour. They wanted their name changed
(12:06):
on important identification badges, and they were rude to everyone
around them and inconsiderate, just an overall crappy person to
be around. And this is my first time ever like
in person, like experiencing or meeting a trans person. And
I know not all of them are like this, but
(12:30):
since I have gone down this path of going into
the military, I was under the impression that Trump was
banning all trans identifying individuals from joining the US military.
I don't know if this has been paused or stopped
or what but I want to know if this at
what you would do in the situation, or what do
you think of it? Thank you?
Speaker 1 (12:51):
Wow, So I'm again really sorry you had this bad experience.
I definitely agree with you that like, no, not all
trans people are like this. You can't judge any whole
group of people just by one experience with one person.
But it does sound like this person, brands or not,
is just particularly obnoxious. I was confused by this this
story because it is true the Trump administration instituted a
(13:14):
ban on transgender people from enlisting in the military, and
that was supposed to go into effect several months ago.
My only guess is either that this particular branch or
piece of the military is not in compliance with this,
which is probably an issue that you could report to
the Pentagon in some capacity, or that maybe with the
(13:34):
legal challenges, you know there are lawsuits against this, maybe
the restrictions have been temporarily paused while the legal challenges
are heard. That could also be the case. Either way,
all of that's out of your control. What I would
say is just like, look, it sounds like you're handling
it pretty well. If you're not comfortable with it, you
shouldn't be forced to room with a biologically male person,
(13:57):
and you weren't, and you stook up for yourself quest
to a change, you were given the change. And then
you know, if this person is going to make a
scene for themselves or cause problems, I would just let
them do it and mind your own business and keep
it moving and not let it bring you down or
stop you from going where you want to go or
making the progress you want to make in your military career.
(14:18):
So honestly, I'm sorry to hear you had a negative experience,
but it already sounds like you have this one pretty
much figured out. Up next, we got a voicemail from
somebody who is experiencing something I can certainly relate to
with my background. Let's take a listen.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
I brought.
Speaker 6 (14:33):
My name is Shanna. I'm a longtime fan of yours,
and I just had a question about like a fish
out of water in a liberal state when your views
are more like center right, because I feel like there
is a certain narrative here. It could be my narrow mindset,
but I feel like there's a certain narrative here. You're
supposed to think a certain way, You're supposed to just
go along with woke policies because you're in New York,
(14:55):
and of course you're liberal because you live in New York.
My dad is very left leaning, my best friend is
very left leaning, anti Trump. So it's hard to come
by people in this state who kind of think similar
similarly to you. And you feel like when it comes
to political conversations, you really can't speak up because you
(15:18):
feel like most people in the room would agree with
the other person and ostracize you. So how do you
deal with, like in a liberal state, feeling like a
fish out of water?
Speaker 1 (15:28):
So this one spoke to my soul a little bit,
because let me tell you I can relate. I grew
up in Rhode Island in Massachusetts, which are two very
blue states. I then went to college at the University
of Massachusetts Amherst, which is super left wing, super social
justice and even like Marxist in its economics department where
(15:49):
I studied, and I was decidedly none of those things.
So I did not fit in. I was very much
the black sheep on campus, and I absolutely felt like
a fish out of water at times. But I was
able to find people who I vibed with, even if
they didn't agree with me politically, just who were open minded,
and I was able to make friends. What I would say, though, is, actually,
(16:11):
I think it might be worth speaking out in those
rooms where you're you know, you know your opinion isn't
shared by most people. Because what happened to me when
I did that, at least in college, is I'd be
in my discussion section for some polypsy class and we'd
be debating affirmative action and I'd be the only one
against it or something like that. I'd walk out into
the you know, the dining hall or whatever at the
(16:32):
end of class. Multiple people would come up to me
after and say, Oh, I'm so glad you spoke out.
I'm so glad you said something. I completely agree with you.
Now I am being slightly bitter towards those people being like, okay, well,
I'm glad, but could have used a little bit of
backup in there. But they're like they would literally say
to me, I just don't want to say anything because
I don't want my friends to hate me. But actually
putting yourself out there first is how you may You
(16:54):
may find those people who do agree with you, or
do have similar values, or even if they don't agree
with you just like are open minded and appreciate somebody
having a different view, and they will seek you out
if you sometimes put yourself in those uncomfortable situations, speak
out in a room where you know your opinion isn't
going to be appreciated by most people, because even in
(17:15):
a place like New York City, for example, Trump did
win thirty percent of the vote in New York City,
that's three out of ten people. And then I'm sure
there are other people who are like moderate or centrist
or libertarian or didn't vote for Trump who would still
be open to being your friend or have similar values
to you to some extent. So I would recommend taking
(17:35):
that step, even if it's uncomfortable sometimes and putting yourself
out there and offering that different opinion, because you never
know who's listening, and that might actually be the way
that you attract the people who are similar to you
to come to you by letting it be known that
you're not like the majority or the hive mind there,
and they may appreciate that. But if you're all just
(17:56):
quiet about it, no one ever says anything, you'll never
find each other. So that would be my advice. I
know it's not always easy, but I would encourage you
to do it when it's appropriate. Up next, we've got
somebody who was accused of killing women of color for
not voting. Yes, seriously, let let's take a listen.
Speaker 7 (18:14):
Hey, Brad, I've listened for a while. My name is Emma.
I'm twenty, I am a lesbian, and I've had interactions
with kind of the far I guess you could say
far left, but like incredibly possessive progressive mindset, And I
just wanted to tell you about one crazy experience real quick.
Freshman year of college, I was in the dorms and
(18:37):
my roommate we were good friends, Like I didn't know
her before, but we became kind of close with her
and her friends and it was all good. And then
the senator elections came around or sorry for like state
rep or whatever, and I wasn't I didn't feel informed
enough to properly cast a vote. And I think that's important,
and I also think like being able to vote is
(18:59):
so great and it's so important that people feel heard
and everything. And I just decided that this one wasn't
something that I would vote in personally, and so she
had asked me, and she was like her, are you voting?
And I was like, no, I'm probably not, and she
kept on getting on me and I was like, oh man,
to the point where the whole second semester ignored me.
(19:19):
We're living in the same room, small dorm, We're sleeping
like four feet apart, ignoring me like cold turkey, nothing.
And then she was on Twitter reposting her girlfriend's tweets
about how not voting is indirectly or directly killing women
of color, which, personally, I think that's a stretch, but
(19:40):
let me know what you think.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
I don't just think that's a stretch. I think that's
like mental gymnastics worthy of an Olympic gold. Okay, the
idea that a vote or not voting for your state
representative is killing women of color is so un tethered
from reality, is so unhinged that it's like, this is
(20:05):
a person who, at least for right now, is beyond reaching.
And it sucks that they like iced you out and
you had that awkward living situation, but it was never
gonna work out with y'all if it was this kind
of person. That kind of person can only vibe with
people who are like them, and so you're obviously not
you're obviously you know somebody who thinks differently and has
(20:26):
different values than this person. And thank goodness, so I mean, yeah,
you kind of dodged a bullet with that one. I
doubt this person is a whole lot of fun at parties,
to be honest, I guess I would just love to know, like, oh,
to this person, So, all those women of color who
choose not to vote, you really think they're killing themselves?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Like?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Do you really think that? Explained to me? Seriously? I
would Sometimes when you're talking to truly delusional people, the
best way to interact with them is to simply ask
questions that they cannot answer, Like I would say to
somebody who believes that, walk me through the step by step,
how do you get from me not voting in my
(21:07):
local state rep election, which is one vote for one
seat in a body that I'm sure is swung by
far more than one seat, to killing women of color?
And then I would question them at each stage of that,
because I think it would pretty quickly implode the series
of logical leaps you'd have to make to get there.
And I doubt anyone ever actually has forced them to
(21:28):
say it out loud, explain all the steps. That's one
way to refuse something like this, But like I said,
with people this far gone, it might not be worth trying.
Like I would just probably find a different friend if
I was you, That's what I would have done, or
switched roommates, called up that ra been Like, listen, we
got a de Lulu epidemic in forty four C. I'm
(21:50):
going to need to move stat because some people can't
be reached, and you must have the patients of a
saint dealing with that for a whole semester or whatever.
So good on you, and thanks for the note. Up next,
this one is kind of hilarious. But this person's friend
won't stop misgendering them as trans when they are not.
(22:12):
Let's take a listen.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Well, a brad name is Alithia, and I used to
be a trans man. I have since de transitioned, but
I still speak to my friends from this time, not
all of them, but a few of them. And I
have one friend who constantly asked me every single time
we speak, whether it be on the phone, over text,
(22:35):
in person, what pronouns do you go by? And what's
your name? She's very, very far left, even identifies with
communism and with just very far left ideas, and I
don't know how to move forward in this friendship because
(22:59):
every time politics comes up and I try to speak
my opinion, she immediately shuts me down, saying things like, oh,
you're just one of Trump's supporters, You're just one of
his meat writers, things like that, and it's just very obnoxious.
And I really wish politics would stop coming up in conversation,
but it just does not. And then my family, on
(23:19):
the other hand, is constantly telling me, oh, well, you're
just such a Democrat and a liberal and all these things,
because I say, can we not make racist remarks family
functions like my cousin who said he would never dig
an Indian woman because they all smell terrible and they're disgusting. Anyways, Yeah,
I just wanted to share that. I don't have any
specific question, but if you have advice, let me know.
(23:41):
Thank you.
Speaker 7 (23:41):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Yeah. So the feeling where around liberals they think you're
far right fascist, and then around like super right wing
people they think you're some woke lib so relatable that
is me, you are me. We are on the same
wavelength there, And you know, do you whoever you want,
but like, those are pretty bad reasons because dating an
(24:03):
Indian woman is probably first off, they don't stink like
different people have different hygiene habits, it's nothing to do
with their race. And two that cooking is probably going
to be fire. So if I was straight, maybe i'd
be dating an Indian woman. But yeah, to your main point,
I find this so hilarious and so hypocritical that you
are de transition, you are not trans, and this super
(24:27):
woke friend is misgendering you or like trying to make sure,
oh are you trans, like oh should I should I
call you that? And you're like no, that's fine, and
they're like, oh, are you sure. I would just say
very clearly to this person, listen, I am not trans,
I have d transition. I am a female. My pronouns
(24:47):
are she her because that's what you call females, and
that's that. Please don't bring it up again. I'll let
you know if something changes. And if your friend doesn't
respect that, then I think that's an issue. I would
try to just set that boundary say listen, stop trying
to trans me. I'm not doing it. I'm not going
to do the thay them like I'm good I'll let
you know, and if they can't respect that boundary, then
(25:10):
you know that's not really them engaging in your friendship
in a healthy way. I would say the same thing
about politics. It sounds like this is a person who
may be a lovely human being in a number of ways,
but politically is a little cucko. I would just say
to this friend, listen, I don't want to talk about
politics anymore. I'm asking you. Let's just keep it out
of our friendship, talk about other stuff and avoid it.
(25:33):
Please don't bring it up anymore. I'm asking you to
do that. And again, it is perfectly reasonable to establish
a boundary like that in a relationship, and if somebody
is repeatedly not willing to respect it, then they have
said to you they don't respect you enough to respect
your boundaries. So I would simply openly say that. I know,
like with friends or family, a lot of people shy
(25:55):
away from any form of confrontation, and this would be
a little confrontational, but it doesn't have to be super confrontational.
Just be like, listen on the news exhaust me these days.
I don't want to talk about it. Can we just
not please respect my feelings? On that, and that is
perfectly reasonable, and if they're not willing to respect that,
then you might have to reevaluate that friendship. But hopefully
(26:16):
they are and you can have a positive relationship and
take whatever good is there and leave the trans misgendering
when you're not and the political rants out of it.
I hope it works out for y'all. Okay, we got
one final caller who wants to tell us about her
crazy gay coworkers. Let's take a listen.
Speaker 8 (26:36):
Hey, Brad, my name is a big fan of what
you do. If you don't mind cutting my name out
of this just in case a coworker happens to hear it,
that would be great. Essentially, I'm looking for advice on
how to deal with very publicly woke or liberal co
workers when you are not that yourself, and I have
no problem with them being this way, but they seem
(26:58):
to sometimes feel comfortable saying things that are just kind
of crazy. Basically, last year, I was on a trip
with a couple of my coworkers, and to not be
too specific, a couple of these coworkers are openly gay,
and I was in the car with them and one
person basically said he did not want Trump to win
because he thinks that Republicans want to quote no gays
(27:23):
and no blacks unquote. Obviously that's not true for most
Republicans or rightly new people like myself. Just wondering if
you have any advice on how to act in these situations.
Would you play it cool? Would you push back on
the narrative thinking just about you know, being publicly outed
as a Trump supporter would be somewhat scary sometimes in
(27:44):
today's political climate. So appreciate it, and thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
So that is so funny to me because y'all, look,
I used to run in DC Republican circles and there
are so many gays working for former RNC chair Ronna
Romney McDaniel. Our whole team was gayze. At one point
under Trump's first term, the whole RNC was practically run
by a gaze. So look, obviously a lot of this
rhetoric is overwrought. I can't really give you the answer
(28:11):
here because it's kind of a calculation you have to make.
Do you want to just go along for the ride
and just zip your lip and avoid conflict or do
you want to kind of assert yourself because what I
would recommend doing is. I would say, if that comment
was made in front of me, I would say, well,
what's your basis for that? And I would ask and
then I would say, and why do you believe that?
(28:33):
And then I would say, Okay, well, polling, and I'd
cite a poll or something, and I'd say, look, shows
fifty one percent of Republican support gay marriage. Do you
think those people want no gays? So you acknowledge that
at least half of Republicans do not in fact want
no gays. Then I would go and I would say,
I don't know, point out the fact that Trump literally
(28:53):
put a gay person and a black person in his cabinet,
and ask him if is that what somebody who wants
no gaze and no blacks would do? Like, I would
really get very elementary on this, but ultimately I'm not
sure it will get through to them. But I would
just try to present them with basic facts that undercut
that narrative and then ask them how they explain that,
because most people who say these kinds of things haven't
(29:16):
thought them through that deeply. Because if you do, I
mean a statement like that that's so extreme and so kind
of devoid of nuance and like absolutist does pretty quickly
fall apart. So I would present it all in a
questioning manner. I would try to not be overly aggressive,
and I would just kind of socratically hopefully make them
(29:37):
realize that they haven't thought this as through as they have.
The other option is to say to them, listen, I
am a Trump supporter. I voted for Trump, and of
course I don't want no gays and no blacks. And
there's tons of people like me, so you know me
to be a good person, you should open your mind
to the fact that this stuff is complicated and people
might have voted for Trump for reasons you don't understand
(29:58):
or agree with, but not all bad people. And that's
kind of a myopic and devoid of intellectual humility way
to look at the world. And they would probably be
stunned into silence about you saying something like that. But
it might cause them to reflect who knows, or it
might cause them to cuss you out and it might
be awkward at the water cooler in your office for
(30:20):
the rest of your life. So it is a calculation
you have to make. But whatever you decide, hope it
goes well and sorry that you have to deal with
this kind of the Lulu in the workplace, but I
guess it's an occupational hazard these days. All right, Everybody,
let me know what you think in the comments below.
I'll also put the link. If you want to send
me a voice note, just leave your first name, doesn't
(30:41):
even have to be a real one. Tell me something
about your life, or you want advice or some tea
or some drama, and I may respond to it in
a future episode. Please do like and subscribe if you
haven't yet. YadA YadA yah, and we'll talk again real
so
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