Behind The Mask

Are you brave enough to see yourself without any of the masks you wear at work, at church, on social media, or wherever you claim to have moral standards and beliefs to which your behavior doesn't actually conform? Of the twenty or so obstacles on the spiritual path, hypocrisy may be the hardest to face, but it's the easiest to overcome. Eliminating the internal conflict of claiming to be one thing but being another is how we bring what we think, say, and do, into harmonious alignment. Without it, life can be unbearable, and true happiness unattainable. At least be brave enough to listen and think about it. Authenticity is both terrifying and liberating at the same time. As Kurt Cobain said, "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."

Episode Transcript

(00:06):
Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.
Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

(00:27):
Instead of imposing Ten Commandments on us to follow in order to secure
a pleasant after-life, Buddhism encourages us to avoid certain behavior patterns if we
wish to have a pleasant LIFE.
Rather than threatening us with eternal damnation if we fail to follow a prescribed
code of conduct, the Buddhist law of cause-and-effect, Karma, simply states that

(00:49):
our thoughts, words, and actions, have consequences.
If you wear a T-Shirt in a snowstorm, you will be cold. Not as a form of punishment,
but as a natural byproduct of questionable life choices.
That's why I'm not a fan of words like Right and Wrong, or Good and Bad,
which sound definitive and judgmental, I much prefer to view our behavior

(01:10):
as either Beneficial or Detrimental to our intended outcome.
If your intention is to live a peaceful life, the Buddha outlined some beneficial traits that
we can all practice, such as diligence, conscientiousness, equanimity,
and mental flexibility, just to name a few.

He also outlined what is detrimental to a peaceful life (01:28):
resentment, jealousy, cruelty,
spitefulness, rage, and so on.
Again, you won't be punished for being jealous, for example, but you will suffer from
the inherent emotional distress that is jealousy itself.
The same is true for lethargy, laziness, worry, attachment, doubt, and ignorance.

(01:51):
Of the twenty or so contributors to our misery, this episode focuses on
Sathya, often translated as Hypocrisy, Dishonesty, and Deception.
Hypocrisy is challenging to discuss because people don't like being caught in a lie.

One of my teachers used to say (02:06):
the most difficult thing for us to see is ourselves.
We don't just conceal who we really are,
we curate and advertise an enviable version of ourselves for others to see.
And we have gotten so good at this,
many of us actually believe the distorted projection is real.
Just think about the disparity between the "You" who shows up at work, the other

(02:28):
version of "You" who shows up at church, your "evil twin" behind the wheel of a car,
your doppelganger around family members,
And let's not forget your digital avatar,
pretending to be someone else entirely on social media.
We wear these masks to hide our shortcomings, not only because we live in
a competitive world obsessed with perfection, but also because we are filled with

(02:50):
shame and regret, yet we still crave respect, validation, and admiration.
And if you grew up like me, in a house where you are expected to be perfect in order to
prove that you are even worthy of love,
faking it is a natural trauma-response, but it isn't sustainable.
Pretending to be what you are not gets truly exhausting after a while,

(03:11):
which is why you typically only see the elderly reach a breaking point where
they no longer care what other people think. THEY ARE MY HEROES!
In Buddhist Boot Camp, there is a chapter called Repentance, in which I list all the things
I've done in the past that I now consider terrible. But, when HarperCollins
first published the book, they wanted to remove the chapter because they said

(03:35):
it "paints me in a negative light."
After years of therapy, however, I am at peace with my past, and I know that where I'm going
has nothing to do with where I've been.
We are not defined by what has happened in our lives, nor by anything we have done,
we are who we choose to become TODAY.
I'm not saying it was easy to publish a list of my biggest downfalls,

(03:57):
but it was easier than pretending to be something I'm not and then trying to live up
to an ideal of perfection that no human can attain. I am, after all, as flawed as anyone,
and I am challenged by obstacles like everyone else.
So, the chapter stayed in the book.

As Kurt Cobain said (04:14):
I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
I believe we all clumsily stumble along this path of life. We fall, we get back up,
and if we don't learn to extend ourselves some grace and a sense of humor,
life will be unbearable, and happiness unattainable.
Gandhi's definition of Happiness is when

(04:36):
our thoughts, words, and actions, are all in alignment.
That's why hypocrisy is one of the most detrimental hindrances to inner-peace.
Hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have
moral standards or beliefs to which your own behavior does not conform.

I'm going to say it again (04:53):
Hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have
moral standards or beliefs to which your own behavior does not conform.
This creates an internal conflict so intense, many people consider themselves peaceful,
spiritual, and even religious, yet they judge, spew hatred, and wish harm on

(05:13):
certain individuals or groups,
all under the guise of serving the "greater good," according to them.
When you hate the hater, you become a hater.
The way to escape this torment is to be
completely honest with ourselves about ourselves, and to live with
authentic transparency, which I realize is both terrifying and liberating at the same time.

(05:35):
Let's stop judging, condemning, and shaming ourselves or others for making mistakes.
You are not better or worse than anyone else, so there is no need to pretend to be flawless.

In fact, Buddhism encourages us to do the opposite (05:46):
it challenges us to acknowledge our
shortcomings rather than conceal them,
because the act of hiding them would itself be a form of lying and deception.
You are invited to remove the mask and walk the talk in order to
eliminate the internal conflict.

Start small (06:05):
look at your own online posts over the past few months, for example,
and see if they either distort reality or are a direct contradiction to who you think you are.
My buddy Steve just did this and realized that his online presence is significantly more
hostile and even vile than he would ever be in real life. He decided he no longer wants to be

(06:27):
the raging loudmouth he has been online,
and he self-corrected to be the peace he wants to see in the world.
That's the path to living in harmonious alignment within yourself and
with the world around you.
I regularly give myself a report card to gauge how closely I live in line with my core values,

and that is your homework assignment as well (06:45):
take an honest look in the mirror,
without a mask, and consider how you might better practice what you preach.
No judgment, no condemnation, just self-reflection.
Are you wearing a T-Shirt in a snowstorm and then complaining that it's cold?
Either put on a jacket, come inside, or quit whining about the weather.

(07:05):
Don't shy away from your reflection in the mirror. Of all the obstacles on the
spiritual path, hypocrisy may be the hardest to face, but it is the easiest to overcome.
These commercial-free podcast episodes are only possible thanks to listeners like you who
make a small but meaningful contribution at BuddhistBootCamp.com/support

(07:27):
Thank you for making this possible. Namaste.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,
and The Opposite of Namaste.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,

(07:47):
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.
We hope you have enjoyed this episode
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏