September 27, 2025 • 7 mins
We all have bind spots, and I was recently made aware of one of my own. Since I'm committed to being honest and transparent, it's important that I not only share my "Ah-ha Moments" with you, but also my "Oh-oh Moments" when I fail to see things clearly. I thought exclusivity was the same as discriminatory, but now, thanks to you, I see how my own point of view was limited because of a blind spot. Thank you for walking beside me on this journey, even when I slip and fall. I appreciate you.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.
Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.
(00:27):
I recently met a lovely, elderly, Buddhist nun, who experienced discrimination in Buddhism
throughout her life for being a woman,
so she is in the process of opening a peace center for women.
She identifies as an activist for equality, so I initially thought that making the peace center
exclusively for women directly contradicted her own ultimate mission, intention, and goal
(00:50):
of equality. You see, I thought Exclusionary was the same as Discriminatory,
but we all have blind spots, and this experience made me aware of one of my own.
I am telling you this because I am committed to honesty and transparency, which means I
can't just share my A-Ha Moments with you,
I need to also share my Oh-Oh Moments with you when I fail to see things clearly.
(01:13):
I know that if something bothers me, the real problem isn't the thing that's bothering me,
it's the fact that I am bothered by it.
So, being bothered by what seemed to me to be contradictory was the perfect opportunity
for me to be vulnerable and not only blog about my blind spot, but to invite everyone
who participates in our monthly discussion groups, both in-person and online,
(01:34):
to help me see what I couldn't before.
Whenever I came across the word Segregation, I immediately thought of
Jim Crow laws from the late 19th century, for example, with sidewalks and drinking
fountains for whites only and blacks only, or whenever any group is treated differently.
For more than a decade, I've been writing and speaking about how much humanity can
(01:55):
benefit from doing away with all segregation in order for us to be united by our similarities
rather than divided by our differences.
I have vilified any narrative that didn't support the bridging of the gap between the
imaginary "Us" and "Them." Or as Thich Nhat Hanh way more beautifully articulated:
We are here to awaken from our illusion of separateness.
(02:17):
Personally marginalized and part of multiple minority groups has always been isolating.
But, despite wanting to feel like I fit-in or belong somewhere,
joining a clique felt wrong and counterintuitive to celebrating diversity.
You probably won't agree with most or any of these examples, but remember, I thought
exclusionary was the same as discriminatory,
(02:40):
so I resented everything from restaurants with a dress code, to a separate
security line at airports allowing those who can afford a special pass to cut in line.
To be clear, I wasn't judging or shaming anyone for having TSA Pre-check,
I resented that there was an implemented and enforced segregation system
in a country that calls itself United.
(03:00):
My grievances weren't with the people, but with the system itself, and it was also
triggered by the existence of sororities, fraternities, or the exclusivity of dance, book
or sports clubs catering to a specific gender, sexual orientation, race, or ethnicity.
It all felt as discriminatory as Protestants not being permitted to receive communion in
(03:23):
Catholic churches. How is that Christian?
I can rant for hours about how much I've been craving integration and inclusivity, yet I didn't
see how my own perspective was separatist.
My narrow point of view romanticized every place and venue welcoming everyone,
but that in itself excludes the option for
people to do whatever they want with whomever they choose.
(03:46):
How can I envision a utopia in which anything is possible with enough room for everyone,
yet demonize a spiritual community,
for example, that doesn't welcome people like me, whatever that means.
I thought that voluntary separation was not only the same as forced segregation because
the end result is still the same (04:04):
division and a caste system of sorts, but perhaps even
worse because it is self-imposed.
But, if I truly stand for inclusion, then I need to make room in my heart and mind for those
who want to practice exclusivity.
If I don't, then I will essentially be creating the same divide between Us and Them that I
claimed was wrong for so long.
(04:26):
Like I said, we all have blind spots, and I was made aware of this one by what Buddhism
calls Kalyana Mitra, a noble friend.
A noble friend gently but firmly brings your blind spots into light.
If we allow the ones we love to see for us what we cannot see for ourselves, whether
it's our own wounds or contradictions, then we mature beyond the ego's perception of
(04:49):
who we think we are, and finally see ourselves and others as we really are.
We are perfect, with room for improvement.
It's an invitation for each of us to live in alignment with our morals and ethics.
One of my favorite reviewers of the Opposite of Namaste said the pages of the book
became a mirror reflecting the areas where every reader can afford to grow.
(05:11):
And I think that's perhaps because the author himself, yours truly, is still a work in progress.
During our discussion circles, people outlined rational and understandable reasons for
exclusivity, such as safety, celebration, or just personal preference.
Whether it's a space where members of a minority group can feel safe, or a way for
(05:32):
people to honor and celebrate cultural significance, it can even be as simple as a
documentary film club that doesn't necessarily have anything against
science-fiction, they just come together because of a shared
common interest in documentaries.
Support groups, for example, are often exclusive for good reasons.
As I mentioned at the start, when I have a problem with something,
(05:54):
the problem is usually me.
So, I reached out to you for help, and you most certainly delivered.
You helped me realize that whenever I encountered segregation, whether it
personally involved me or not, it hurt my own lifelong wound of regularly feeling left out.
But, even our monthly meetings can be considered exclusive in a way because they
(06:14):
are only open to monthly supporters.
We do this in order to have an automated mailing list specifically for online discussions.
I've tried inviting everyone who follows on Facebook, for example, but that's more than
half a million people at this point,
and trying to manage or moderate it was a disaster and far from intimate.
So, if I can justify that, then I can certainly take a step back and honor a
(06:37):
peace center for women only, a car club exclusively for classic automobile enthusiasts,
and restaurants that cater for meat eaters, other restaurants that are strictly vegan,
and those that offer everything for everyone.
There is room for us all now that my heart and mind have grown to accommodate us all.
Exclusivity was just one area where I was blind to my own contradiction,
(07:01):
and I am sure there are more.
As you go on with your day and your life, who do you trust to be your noble friend to bring
your blind spots into focus?
Maybe we can be each other's Kalyana Mitra? Thank you for being mine.
Namaste.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,
(07:23):
and The Opposite of Namaste.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.
We hope you have enjoyed this episode
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.
(07:44):
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏
Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.
Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.
(00:27):
I recently met a lovely, elderly, Buddhist nun, who experienced discrimination in Buddhism
throughout her life for being a woman,
so she is in the process of opening a peace center for women.
She identifies as an activist for equality, so I initially thought that making the peace center
exclusively for women directly contradicted her own ultimate mission, intention, and goal
(00:50):
of equality. You see, I thought Exclusionary was the same as Discriminatory,
but we all have blind spots, and this experience made me aware of one of my own.
I am telling you this because I am committed to honesty and transparency, which means I
can't just share my A-Ha Moments with you,
I need to also share my Oh-Oh Moments with you when I fail to see things clearly.
(01:13):
I know that if something bothers me, the real problem isn't the thing that's bothering me,
it's the fact that I am bothered by it.
So, being bothered by what seemed to me to be contradictory was the perfect opportunity
for me to be vulnerable and not only blog about my blind spot, but to invite everyone
who participates in our monthly discussion groups, both in-person and online,
(01:34):
to help me see what I couldn't before.
Whenever I came across the word Segregation, I immediately thought of
Jim Crow laws from the late 19th century, for example, with sidewalks and drinking
fountains for whites only and blacks only, or whenever any group is treated differently.
For more than a decade, I've been writing and speaking about how much humanity can
(01:55):
benefit from doing away with all segregation in order for us to be united by our similarities
rather than divided by our differences.
I have vilified any narrative that didn't support the bridging of the gap between the
imaginary "Us" and "Them." Or as Thich Nhat Hanh way more beautifully articulated:
We are here to awaken from our illusion of separateness.
(02:17):
Personally marginalized and part of multiple minority groups has always been isolating.
But, despite wanting to feel like I fit-in or belong somewhere,
joining a clique felt wrong and counterintuitive to celebrating diversity.
You probably won't agree with most or any of these examples, but remember, I thought
exclusionary was the same as discriminatory,
(02:40):
so I resented everything from restaurants with a dress code, to a separate
security line at airports allowing those who can afford a special pass to cut in line.
To be clear, I wasn't judging or shaming anyone for having TSA Pre-check,
I resented that there was an implemented and enforced segregation system
in a country that calls itself United.
(03:00):
My grievances weren't with the people, but with the system itself, and it was also
triggered by the existence of sororities, fraternities, or the exclusivity of dance, book
or sports clubs catering to a specific gender, sexual orientation, race, or ethnicity.
It all felt as discriminatory as Protestants not being permitted to receive communion in
(03:23):
Catholic churches. How is that Christian?
I can rant for hours about how much I've been craving integration and inclusivity, yet I didn't
see how my own perspective was separatist.
My narrow point of view romanticized every place and venue welcoming everyone,
but that in itself excludes the option for
people to do whatever they want with whomever they choose.
(03:46):
How can I envision a utopia in which anything is possible with enough room for everyone,
yet demonize a spiritual community,
for example, that doesn't welcome people like me, whatever that means.
I thought that voluntary separation was not only the same as forced segregation because
the end result is still the same (04:04):
division and a caste system of sorts, but perhaps even
worse because it is self-imposed.
But, if I truly stand for inclusion, then I need to make room in my heart and mind for those
who want to practice exclusivity.
If I don't, then I will essentially be creating the same divide between Us and Them that I
claimed was wrong for so long.
(04:26):
Like I said, we all have blind spots, and I was made aware of this one by what Buddhism
calls Kalyana Mitra, a noble friend.
A noble friend gently but firmly brings your blind spots into light.
If we allow the ones we love to see for us what we cannot see for ourselves, whether
it's our own wounds or contradictions, then we mature beyond the ego's perception of
(04:49):
who we think we are, and finally see ourselves and others as we really are.
We are perfect, with room for improvement.
It's an invitation for each of us to live in alignment with our morals and ethics.
One of my favorite reviewers of the Opposite of Namaste said the pages of the book
became a mirror reflecting the areas where every reader can afford to grow.
(05:11):
And I think that's perhaps because the author himself, yours truly, is still a work in progress.
During our discussion circles, people outlined rational and understandable reasons for
exclusivity, such as safety, celebration, or just personal preference.
Whether it's a space where members of a minority group can feel safe, or a way for
(05:32):
people to honor and celebrate cultural significance, it can even be as simple as a
documentary film club that doesn't necessarily have anything against
science-fiction, they just come together because of a shared
common interest in documentaries.
Support groups, for example, are often exclusive for good reasons.
As I mentioned at the start, when I have a problem with something,
(05:54):
the problem is usually me.
So, I reached out to you for help, and you most certainly delivered.
You helped me realize that whenever I encountered segregation, whether it
personally involved me or not, it hurt my own lifelong wound of regularly feeling left out.
But, even our monthly meetings can be considered exclusive in a way because they
(06:14):
are only open to monthly supporters.
We do this in order to have an automated mailing list specifically for online discussions.
I've tried inviting everyone who follows on Facebook, for example, but that's more than
half a million people at this point,
and trying to manage or moderate it was a disaster and far from intimate.
So, if I can justify that, then I can certainly take a step back and honor a
(06:37):
peace center for women only, a car club exclusively for classic automobile enthusiasts,
and restaurants that cater for meat eaters, other restaurants that are strictly vegan,
and those that offer everything for everyone.
There is room for us all now that my heart and mind have grown to accommodate us all.
Exclusivity was just one area where I was blind to my own contradiction,
(07:01):
and I am sure there are more.
As you go on with your day and your life, who do you trust to be your noble friend to bring
your blind spots into focus?
Maybe we can be each other's Kalyana Mitra? Thank you for being mine.
Namaste.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,
(07:23):
and The Opposite of Namaste.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.
We hope you have enjoyed this episode
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.
(07:44):
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏
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