No Praise, No Blame

It's in your best interest to increase your tolerance. Avoid wishing for things to be different than they are because comparison, attachment, desire, and resistance, are the causes of our anguish and suffering. All of life's challenges, difficulties, and hardships are part of the process. Don't be so quick to dismiss or resist them. In my experience, the obstacles I wish to avoid contain the valuable lessons I desperately need to learn.

Episode Transcript

(00:06):
Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.
Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

(00:27):
The other night, a few friends came over for dinner. Most of us enjoyed the meal, but
some found it way too spicy. This reminded me of how people react to world events:
Some are strongly opinionated and extremely vocal about whether or not they approve,
while those of us who are familiar with the Tenzo code of conduct known in Zen kitchens

(00:49):
around the world as the No Praise/No Blame Precept, don't view anything or anyone as
superior or inferior. There's no judgment. The pepper isn't good or bad; it's just a pepper.
One time, when I over-salted a pot of soup, my teacher just smiled and said,
"Well, we apparently needed extra sodium in our diets today."

(01:11):
We chuckled and maybe drank a little bit more water that day than we normally would.
By increasing our tolerance for salt, for pepper, for people, and for life itself,
our capacity for compassion grows in equal proportion.
This inevitably dilutes the bitterness of disappointment.
Do you see how it's in your best interest to increase your tolerance?

(01:32):
The metaphor that is often used to depict this concept is adding a tablespoon of salt
to a cup of water, or a tablespoon of salt to an entire lake.
In the cup, the salt makes the water undrinkable, but in the lake,
a tablespoon of salt is unnoticeable.
The teaching implies that if you are quick to judge, your mind and heart are
the size of a cup, quickly and easily affected by every grain of salt.

(01:56):
So, the invitation is for us to expand our capacity for compassion in all circumstances
and with all people, with a heart like a lake, undeterred by a tablespoon or two of salt.
To practice the No Praise/No Blame method beyond the kitchen,
stay in the present moment to avoid wishing for things to be different than they are.

(02:17):
I mean, that is truly, at the core,

the definition of stress (02:19):
being here but wanting to be somewhere else.
The act of comparison is rooted in attachment, desire, and resistance,
which we already know are the causes of our anguish and suffering.
Notice how all of your worry, stress, and anxiety is based in future-thinking, projecting
terrible case scenarios beyond the present moment into a future we can't even see.

(02:40):
Non-judgment, on the other hand, meaning neither praising nor berating
yourself or others, is a beautiful strategy to keeping everyone at eye level.
Nobody is better or worse than anyone else.
Everybody is exactly where they need to be, including you, right here, right now.
At our group discussions about this topic, the common resistance stemmed from

(03:02):
a false sense of urgency.
Accept the soup as it is. It's done.
Implementing the No Praise/No Blame precept with the small stuff in life
makes the heart grow to accommodate the big stuff as well.
Your project for today is to deal with the bowl of soup in front of you right now.
All of the challenges in life, all of the difficulties and the hardships,

(03:24):
they are all part of the process. Don't be so quick to dismiss or resist them.
In my experience,
the obstacles I wish to avoid contain the valuable lessons I desperately need to learn.
Having said that, I'm going to repeat what I had mentioned three times in
Buddhist Boot Camp and twice in The Opposite of Namaste,
because I want to be clear that acceptance is not approval,

(03:45):
and I'm not suggesting passive inaction.
Buddhism teaches us to be tolerant and accepting; that is true,
but TOLERANCE DOES NOT MEAN ACCEPTING WHAT IS HARMFUL.
So, define what Harmful means to you,
not merely annoying or irritating, but truly harmful. And here's the important part:
Remember that we each draw that boundary
of "Harmful" as differently as our individual threshold for spice.

(04:09):
Replace your old habit of judging with remembering what Rumi said:
Beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field; I will meet you there.
THAT is how we embrace our inherent connection with one another instead of
causing further discord in our families, in our communities, and in ourselves.
No praise, no blame.

(04:30):
Today's soup is too salty, tomorrow it will be too bland, or too hot, or too spicy,
or there won't be enough to go around.
Who are you in relation to that bowl of soup?
There isn't a list of things you need to do in order to be happy,
but there are things you are constantly doing that are preventing you from being happy.

Like the three C's (04:50):
Complaining, Comparing, and Criticizing.
Stop it. Or, suffer the consequences of your own actions.
It's not easy, but it really is that simple. Namaste 🙏
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,
and The Opposite of Namaste.

(05:11):
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.
We hope you have enjoyed this episode
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏