Safe Haven

Your home and your friendships, relationships, or marriage, are to be your safe haven and happy place, not another battle you have to fight. May we all Live In Peace.

Episode Transcript

(00:06):
Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast.
Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life.
Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye.

(00:27):
People who grow up poor often make it a priority as adults to secure their financial
stability, cash flow, savings and retirement accounts, in order to avoid living with the
feeling of scarcity again. Others moved around a lot as kids,
changing schools so frequently, they either grow up determined to buy a home and
dig deep roots where they can stay for the rest of their lives, or they

(00:50):
continue the nomadic lifestyle, depending on whether their childhood experience
affected them positively or negatively.
When I was growing up, my parents' mood swings were so unpredictable,
I never knew if I was coming home to a warm hug or a violent beating,
so walking on eggshells was the norm.
This turned our home into an unstable and scary place, not a safe space.

(01:13):
So, it's no surprise that as an adult, I've been determined to make my home a sanctuary,
and to find solace, acceptance, and peace with the people in my life.
Feeling safe is a basic need, not a luxury. Yet, many of us spend years
unaware of the fact that life without landmines is even an option.
I've spoken with people who spend more time at work than is necessary to avoid going home

(01:36):
because the office felt safer.
One friend was so miserable in her marriage, but too scared to mention divorce,
she enrolled in a master's program at a local university, not because she needed or wanted
the degree, but because going to school meant she would spend hours at the library
each night after working all day, and she was hoping being gone so much would
lead her husband to cheat on her and leave, which is exactly what happened. She got her

(02:00):
masters and her divorce in the most roundabout way to regain that sense of safety
Your home and your friendships, relationships, or marriage
are to be your safe haven and happy place, not another battle you have to fight.
It doesn't mean everything will always be perfect or that you need to escape at the
first sign of a disagreement, but if home consistently causes you

(02:22):
more stress than relief, then it isn't serving its primary purpose.
Some cultures even have rituals incorporated into everyday activities that
honor the home as a shelter from the outside world, whether it's removing your shoes when
you enter the house, or saying a prayer when going through a doorway,
it's about creating and maintaining the peace in which we wish to live.

(02:44):
Would you say your home or relationship resembles a calm lake or a raging ocean?
How frequent are the storms? Is home a place of refuge or does it cause anxiety?
I travel a lot for speaking engagements, so let's compare relationships to long flights.

There's always going to be some turbulence, sure, but the question is (03:01):
when it comes to
your home or relationship, when was the last time the Fasten Seatbelt Sign has been
turned off for a good portion of the trip so you can enjoy a smooth flight?
We cannot live happily in a constant state of emergency. That level of stress and tension
will ultimately manifest as illness and disease. In fact, there's a wonderful book

(03:25):
called The Body Keeps the Score, meaning we can't function under constant pressure
without breaking down, either physically, mentally, or emotionally.
So whether you are single or involved, all metaphors for home and relationships have
harmony on one end of the spectrum and dysfunction on the other.
So, keep in mind that inconsistent, unstable, and turbulent situations can destroy us, while

(03:49):
healthy and balanced serenity supports our growth and encourages our healing, which
took me a long time to realize; we can't heal in the same environment that makes us sick.
That simple truth has broken my heart, but it opened my eyes.
Sadly, you can even be madly in love with someone, yet still be better off without them.
The important thing to remember is that YOU DESERVE PEACE.

(04:13):
If you don't create it, you might live for a very long time without it.
Let's not wait until we die to rest in it.
While I wish we can all be free from suffering, I also know pain is often our greatest teacher,
So, may we learn quickly so we can Live In Peace. 🙏 Namaste.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp, Faithfully Religionless,

(04:37):
and The Opposite of Namaste.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com,
where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project,
watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list.
We hope you have enjoyed this episode
and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions.

(04:57):
Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏