April 23, 2025 • 53 mins
You are in for an absolute treat this week! My guest is the one and only Melissa Radke- bestselling author, speaker, TV personality, comedian, and the self-proclaimed HGIC (Head Girlfriend in Charge). With over 1.1 million followers, Melissa has been lifting women up since 2016, dishing out everything from hair tips to life advice with her signature humor and heart.
Her brand-new book, Chicken Fried Women, just hit the shelves, which is a love letter to the strong, faith-filled, flawed, and unforgettable women who shaped her life. She reflects on generational legacies, healing family dynamics, motherhood, and the complex beauty of womanhood.
Trust me, even if you're a man, you’re going to take away SO much from this episode. This conversation is honest, funny, and full of heart- everything Can I Laugh on Your Shoulder is all about. I’m really excited to share it with you!
8:12 – Melissa 101
• Melissa and Molly’s mutual connection
• Melissa’s viral Facebook post
• Becoming a comedian, author and public speaker
10:53 – Chicken Fried Women
• Rapid fire southern culture questions
• The genesis of this book
• The women that inspired this story
27:54 – The Women That Made Us This Way
• The lessons Melissa’s learned from the women in her life
• Creating a supportive network
• Someone is waiting for you as much as you are waiting for someone
41:28 – How Strong Women Do It
• Mom vigilantes
• Melissa’s relationship with her daughter
• Passing on stories to future generations
• Getting your copy of Chicken Fried Women
FEATURED QUOTES
“These chicken fried women of mine were always topics of conversation that everybody wanted to know and that I love to tell.”
“This book was so easy to write because it was just me telling one story after the other. And when a book can come to you that beautifully and that naturally, that was the one you were supposed to write.”
“Who could grieve with me like the woman who'd walked in that fire before me?”
“Someone is waiting for you as much as you are waiting for someone. Someone needs you. They need your friendship, they need your humor, they need your style. They need the way you're such a great listener. Someone is waiting to forge a relationship with you as much as you are waiting for them.”
Learn more about Melissa:
https://www.melissaradke.com/
Get your copy of Chicken Fried Women
https://www.amazon.com/Chicken-Fried-Women-Friendship-Kinship-Made/dp/1546008241
Check out the Chicken Fried Women Podcast
https://www.melissaradke.com/podcast
Melissa on Social Media
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MelissaRadke
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MelissaRadkeStretchMarks/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/msmelissaradke/
Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@melissaradke
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
man, take two, we've already hit record twice.
So you know, it's going to be a good day.
I am really, I've been looking forward to this for a very long time, but Melissa, like I'mkind of a little on the edge of my seat because she said she has something that she wants
to talk to me about.
We've just met, we've known each other for three and a half seconds and she says that shewants to talk to me and has an enneagram too.
(00:26):
Like somebody saying like, we need to talk is kind of my worst nightmare.
I'm, I'm to give the floor to you, Melissa.
I I did set it up that way.
Like for the listeners, as soon as we hopped on, never laid eyes on each other.
She said, hi.
And I go, hi, I need to talk to you about something.
I did kind of lay that out kind of scary, but here's what it is.
(00:50):
You don't know this, but we have a mutual connection and it is, it is Liz Bohannon.
So you, okay.
I was going to be on Liz's podcast.
And so I wanted to make sure I was studied up.
So I started listening to her, some of her podcast episodes.
You were the first one that I listened to.
(01:13):
And I have to say you were a little bit different than most of hers because some of hersare like, I was about, Molly, was about to say some of hers are real thought leaders and
then there was you.
That's not what I meant.
No, I actually take that as a great compliment is you don't see me as
not what I meant though, because you were wonderful.
(01:34):
You kept my attention, but you weren't as serious as some.
You were lighthearted and you were fun.
It's a compliment disguised as a horrible thing that I've just said.
Okay.
But I just enjoyed you so much.
That's not even the point.
My point is this.
You commented and told her, I've been on your show so many times.
(01:56):
It's like on Saturday night live when they get the five timers club.
Yes.
The velvet robe.
Okay.
I didn't think anybody would know that reference.
Like I love that I got that reference.
I like my Saturday night live history.
It runs deep.
Okay.
And so I instantly knew I'm going to like her day.
(02:18):
I come home and I told David, I was listening to one of Liz's today and she had on thisgirl.
Her name was Molly and David goes, you realize you're going to be on her podcast.
That's how small of a world it is.
That's the connection.
And then I told David, but I'm not sure that she'll like me because she makes her ownbread, David.
And everything, she's set a goal for a whole year and she's not gonna even buy anytortillas.
(02:43):
She's just gonna make them.
So I'm not sure how you and I are gonna hit it off, because I firmly believe in buying mybread.
my gosh, I'm dying over here.
Okay, for so many reasons.
One, I cannot wait to tell my husband, Liz had so many thought leaders on and then therewas you.
He is going to absolutely, he is going to crack up.
(03:05):
He's gonna just lose his mind because my husband loves Liz.
So like back in 2019, I spoke at this conference with Liz and Jessica Honniger in Austin.
And it sounds very fancy.
It was not very fancy.
But my husband came with me and like Liz and my husband immediately became like the bestof friends.
(03:26):
And when I say that they are complete opposites in every way, like they're so not similarat all.
And yet they just like completely hit it off as BFF.
So anyway, my husband's gonna really find that hilarious.
Like, she had so many thought leaders and then there was
I have a feeling if you're a comedy girl, you know exactly what I meant.
(03:50):
yes.
And then the other thing too.
So, so I'm really glad that you love that five timers club reference.
So after I can't remember when I first made this reference on my show, because I mean,I've been doing the show for almost nine years, and it was a really long time before I
ever had somebody on twice.
And the first time I had somebody on twice, I basically was like, this is a likemonumental occasion.
(04:14):
And I am now presenting you with a metaphorical
velvet jacket that has a picture of my face on it.
And it's like the the the podcast two timers club.
It's not exclusive at all.
And now it's very easy to get into it.
but I have dreams of like one day being like, just, you know, having like a ton ofdisposable income that I could just actually make some velvet jackets.
(04:39):
well, let me tell you, I was recently, yeah, I was recently on Jen Hat Makers for the lovepodcast and it was my third time and I'm the only person she's ever had on three times.
I used the velvet jacket reference, didn't give you any credit, took it all myself, butanyway, I used the velvet jacket reference.
What we decided was if she has me on a fourth time, we're gonna do a four timers jacketbecause hers is
(05:06):
For the love her for the love podcast.
So we're going with four times.
So I would be her first one to get it.
And maybe you would be Liz's first one.
So look at me and you being all kind of skanky and showing up everywhere.
fully on board with this plan.
I mean, I really think that we need to have like a custom.
(05:29):
What are those people like?
What, you know, the people who make clothes, like, there's a fancy word for it.
Seamstress?
Yeah, something like that.
I'll have to ask Chad GPT what the word like I'm looking for.
But yeah, I'm really, Melissa, we're going to bring this into the stratosphere.
And it's just going to be the most coveted piece.
(05:51):
We're going to end up on the cover of Vogue.
The next big thing with Melissa and Molly.
that's a good podcast title.
If we ever decide to do a podcast together, the next big thing.
I'm just saying the it's a very like the alliteration.
It's...
(06:11):
Well, I just want to say the suspense was worth it.
Thank you so much for that.
I will.
I really will treasure that and for the rest of my life.
Well, obviously, we could we just jumped right into the deep end.
But I have to have you do what all my guests do.
And that is give us Melissa 101.
Okay.
(06:32):
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
The Melissa one oh one.
Oh my goodness.
Well, about goodness about eight years ago, I guess I had a video on Facebook gocompletely viral.
As of today, it's had about 150 million views and that but that was back in the day whenalgorithms were working in our favor.
(06:54):
And yeah, it really opened up a door for me to use my voice in a way that I had beencalled.
I feel like, since I was nine years old to do, I had felt a calling on my life to servepeople and use my voice in any way possible that God saw fit and he saw fit to do it
through social media.
(07:14):
And so I started making videos and people began to see me as a comic, which was totallyfine with me, but I knew I had a lot more to say.
than just jokes and bits all day long.
Eventually, I was contacted from a literary agent and I put out a memoir about six yearsago called Eat Cake Be Brave.
And that launched a television show that came to USA Network called The Radkeys, a realitytelevision show.
(07:43):
And that led to public speaking around all over the earth.
And so that's really what I am today.
I am a comedian, a clean one.
and I travel and speak, I write books, I make videos online, and when I'm not traveling,I'm at home leading worship at my church.
So I'm using my voice in every way possible.
(08:05):
And I have a husband of 32 years who I absolutely adore, and two children, Remy and Rocco,16 and 18, Remy graduates this May.
My life is full.
And that's 101 in a nutshell.
That's my elevator pitch.
I love it.
love it.
Well, I got to say, you don't look old enough to have been married 32 years.
(08:30):
So I'm just throwing that in there.
You don't.
I would like to know your skin care.
I would like to know your skin care.
Okay.
Do you use?
is called carbs.
keeps your face fat and it works in your favor.
Okay, so that's the first thing.
The second thing is, I mean, just as a former comedian myself, and as a worship leader anda speaker, like I just, and I put out my first memoir.
(08:56):
So I just feel like we're basically like, I feel like we're basically like kindredspirits.
mean, just
I didn't know that about you.
I didn't know the worship leader part and everything.
Wow, that's awesome.
love that.
Okay, so obviously, I I've followed your work for a while.
just, again, I love funny women.
I love funny people.
(09:16):
My friend Sharon likes to say she collects funny friends.
And so she was like, you're my friend because I collect funny friends.
And then I just like to say that I like attract funny people because I like to laugh.
April 22nd.
(09:37):
my goodness.
mean, how are you feeling real quick?
Because it's like birth and then
like a woman who's been, you know, we're going to take you in for a C-section on April22nd.
I mean, that's exactly what it feels like.
And I am giddy this week.
I'm absolutely giddy.
cannot wait.
Oh, so fun.
it's called Chicken Fried Woman, which by the way is the best title.
I love it so much.
(09:58):
So there's obviously I want to get a lot that I want to talk about as far as the contentof this book and kind of just southern culture, southern women, which is so fun.
But I wanted to do something a little different with you to kind of start off.
And I thought you would because you're a comedian, you're a you're a good yesander, thatyou would have fun with this.
So we're going to kind of do a rapid fire round.
(10:20):
stuff like this.
fire southern culture questions.
All right.
Okay, good.
I had a feeling you would and I was like, let's do something a little different today.
So that's what we're doing.
Okay.
So first question is, what is your favorite southern insult you would say with a smile?
(10:40):
My favorite Southern insult I would say with a smile.
I know everybody thinks I'm gonna say bless your heart, but it's not.
It would be you look like you've been rode hard and put up with.
Excellent.
And I have to say, if that sounds dirty, it may be.
I don't know, but my mother said it my whole life and that's my favorite.
(11:02):
Honey, you look like you've been road hard and put up wet.
Yeah, yeah.
So I live in North Carolina, so I hear sayings like that all the time, all the time.
It's really funny because my husband is like, you know, so my husband went to North UNCChapel Hill and like the fight song is, you know, like, I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar
Heel bred and while I die, I'll be Tar Heel dead.
And like, that is my husband's family.
(11:23):
Like we treat during COVID, we did the ancestry stuff, and we treat both of his parentsgenerations.
back to different parts of North Carolina, to the parts that they were from, to like thelate 1500s.
was like his family came here and just never left.
But his family has some really funny like southern sayings that I'm like, where is thatfrom?
(11:45):
Like when it was about to rain, his grandfather would always say, it's about to frizzle upand ski.
Like, I'm like, what does that mean?
I don't know.
You know, anyway.
Okay.
So second question, finish this sentence.
Lipstick.
(12:06):
Lipstick, okay, I like it.
Okay.
Yes.
All right.
Kevin Costner or Brad Pitt, who's getting invited to Sunday supper?
my gosh.
Did you do that on purpose?
Okay.
my gosh.
(12:26):
my gosh.
That is here's the deal.
Kevin Costner.
Listen to me though.
Let me finish.
Kevin Costner is 100%.
Every Southern woman would say it.
I'm actually, I'm actually Brad Pitt all day air day.
But I know that Kevin Costner is gonna get invited to this.
mean, any southern woman is gonna say Kevin Costner, except for maybe me.
But I got a Brad Pitt thang.
(12:49):
I got a red pit thing, but.
always eating in every movie anyway.
But I would just like to say in my very first book, Eat Kate Be Brave, there is a story inthere about how y'all, I was so naive and I was so tender-hearted and I was just like a
little girl that they'd just unwrapped a little bubble and let me out of it when I went tocollege.
(13:11):
And I went to college and that's when the bodyguard came out with Kevin Costner and Iwatched it three times and I came back to the cafeteria and I said to my friends, I don't
know what was going on like the whole time I'm watching, I feel funny.
I just feel real funny.
they, huh?
I said, I feel funny, like from my waist down.
And they said, baby, that's, you're horny.
(13:32):
That's what that is.
And I was like, we don't talk like that.
But they're like, that's what that is.
So that was my first experience with Kevin Costner, but I'd still, I'd prefer Brad Pitt,but Kev's gonna come.
That's a tough one.
fantastic.
Okay.
What is the correct emotional response to someone bringing store bought potato salad to afuneral?
(14:01):
Well, the correct emotional response, the etiquette is to say absolutely nothing until youget around your women.
And then you say, can y'all believe what she just brought?
That's just like her.
It's just like her to do that.
Y'all, she's gonna bring store bought to her own funeral.
mean, the correct emotional response is to say nothing at all till you get around yourpeople.
(14:24):
Then you rip them to shreds.
Okay, what is a southern food that's sacred enough to split a church over?
Fried chicken, every time.
Every single time.
I will fight a woman.
I will take off my earrings for how you make your fried chicken.
(14:45):
Yeah.
so good.
Which crime, which famous crime in history would your granny have accidentally solved byeavesdropping?
You're my new favorite person.
You need to call me every five minutes, Molly.
my gosh.
you
(15:06):
My granny and my mama wanted to, they had feelings for days on the murder that happenedwith the woman, Candy Montgomery, who, do you know this?
Jessica Beale just played her.
Jessica Beale just played her in a Hulu special called, named, called Candy.
(15:28):
And it's the woman who left VBS and asked her friend to death in the laundry room aftervacation Bible school.
It happened in Dallas, Texas.
It's true.
And then one of the Elizabeth Olson then played it in on HBO.
That was a scandal because both of them went to church together and one of them had anaffair with the other one's husband.
(15:53):
And when confronted in the laundry room, extra 13 times.
And that's my granny.
May she rest in peace until I get there.
My granny could have pieced that together.
No problem.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
She was a detective.
Okay.
If your life had a soundtrack, what 90s country song would start playing when you walkinto Target?
(16:21):
She's got her daddy's money, her mama's good looks, more laughs than a stack of comicbooks, a wild imagination, a college education, add them all up, it's a deadly
combination.
She's a good bass fisher, a dynamite kisser, country as a turnip green.
She's got her daddy's money, her mama's good looks, and look who's looking at me.
(16:48):
I was ready for that one, wasn't I?
were ready.
You were born ready for that one.
Okay.
What is a southern woman's favorite weapon?
A cast iron skillet, a church bulletin, or passive aggression?
three I'm gonna take number three for a thousand
(17:12):
my gosh.
so good.
All right.
What is more powerful, Southern guilt or Southern hospitality?
Ooh, hospitality.
Hospitality for sure.
They're so kind they'll just slit your throat when you're not even looking.
(17:34):
Okay, you have to be stranded on a desert island.
It's a desert island question with one family member from your book.
But who is most likely to help you survive and who's starting a fire just to prove apoint?
So that's really two people who, I lost a fingernail by the way, sorry about that.
(17:57):
One's gotta help me survive and one's gotta what now?
Yes, one's got to help you start a fire just to prove a point and who's going to mostlikely help you survive.
Sorry, I guess I should have said two people.
Okay, either way, I'm gonna go with my cousin Meredith, just simply because she's anEnneagram one, which means she's got a harsh inner critic, and I'm just gonna let it run
amok when we're there.
(18:18):
And she's got a great work ethic, she's got a great mind, she'll organize it, she'll puteverything together.
And then if she doesn't, she'll just be so down on herself.
And I'll be like, I know, Meredith, you let us all down.
Mm.
Love it.
will make it happen just out of good old fashioned guilt and you know, it'll work in myfavor is what I'm saying.
(18:40):
As an Enneagram 7, it will work in my favor.
Yes, I'm no I'm I'm on board with this.
I feel like this is like Yeah, this is thought that like this is well thought throughOkay.
All right.
I have two more.
Okay, second last one is what three things does a chicken fried woman always have to havein her purse no matter what?
(19:03):
Well, I'm gonna go back with the lip gloss.
That's a biggie for us.
That's a biggie for us.
I always reference the fact that my mother told me when I was a teenager, Melissa, somegirls don't have to wear make-up.
You're not one of those girls.
So I'm gonna go with lipstick.
She has to have a cell phone, but it is not to call.
(19:24):
It is 100 % to text to her girl across the aisle.
Are you looking at what she's got on?
yeah.
you know, like we text each other.
In my family, we text each other our thoughts while we're sitting in the same room.
Because we can't say them out loud.
So she's gonna have a cell phone, she's gonna have lip gloss.
(19:47):
And the third thing that she is gonna have in her purse, I don't know.
I would say a little cash.
She likes to be a good tipper.
yeah, I do love, you know, I went through a phase in my early thirties where I was like,not about cash.
And now I'm like, when I have cash, I just feel like I am the most powerful person onplanet earth.
(20:10):
Let me tell you something, I'm hiding something in my wallet right now and nobody knowsabout it.
I've got it all folded up and stuck between some, I got a hundred dollar bill and I'mgonna die with that hundred dollar bill.
David Radke, sit back down.
He's walking to the car to get my purse.
Sit down, Radke.
I'm hiding that thing.
I'm holding on to it like grim death.
(20:31):
learned about having, my mom always used to carry a 20 in her purse that she called a mad20.
And it was always like behind her driver's license or, you know, somewhere in her wallet,like always folded up and hidden.
And my mom died in 2002.
And I remember like in, I don't know, gosh, this was probably like 2013, 2014, 2015,somewhere in there.
(20:54):
My dad was like cleaning out old boxes and stuff.
he found, like my dad was like, he didn't like throw away a lot of my mom's stuff.
And he found her purse and he gave me her purse.
Like he didn't bother, like he didn't go through, looked, the Mad 20 was still in there.
And I was like, this Mad 20 has been in my mom's wallet for, know, like at that point,like, you know, honestly, I was in the throes of parenting toddler, like a toddler.
(21:23):
You spent that at Chick-fil-A, Molly.
spent it.
I would like to say that I like framed it or something.
I probably didn't.
I probably spent it because my mom was probably up in heaven like, girl, I'm not 20 hasbeen in my wallet for 15 years.
Get it.
Go do something with it.
Exactly.
Exactly.
(21:43):
I love those questions.
That was so fun.
Thank you.
well, you are so welcome.
You are so welcome.
Well, like I said that I just felt like that would be a really fun kind of way to startoff this episode.
And just I felt like kind of gave gave us an insight a little bit more into you andsouthern culture and all of that.
So obviously, I want to kind of talk about the the the genesis of this book, like wheredid this the idea for this book come from?
(22:09):
And and what is your
you know, what's really the heart behind it?
Okay, you know, one of the mistakes that I made after my first book is I waited six yearsto write my second book.
I will never do that again.
I should never have waited that long, because then you start putting all this unduepressure on yourself.
What is it gonna be, you know?
(22:31):
And it just so happened that around the time that I started to think about my second bookand really gear up for it, I had a couple of meetings with some different literary agents,
and one of them said,
give me your idea of your next book.
And I had been on a wellness journey and had lost about 50 pounds at that point and stillhad quite a bit to lose.
(22:53):
the wellness journey was a very eye-opening experience for me because food had really beenan idol in my life for a very long time.
And God was really revealing some things to me.
And I couldn't wait to share it with the world.
And I...
gave him all of this information and talked about it from my heart.
(23:14):
And he came back to me and he said, you know, it's been a couple of weeks since we spokeand I just wanted to tell you, I don't get behind the book.
I don't get behind that.
I can't get behind it.
And I said, why?
And he said, well, first of all, I don't think you're done with that story.
Don't write that story until you're done.
But second of all, serious and heavy just doesn't describe who you are to me.
(23:40):
What is the story that you think the world deserves to know?
What is, what is your favorite thing to talk about?
Is it this, Melissa?
I mean, is it?
And I have to be honest with you, Molly, it wasn't.
He was right.
I was still walking through this journey.
It wasn't my favorite thing to talk about.
It's a hard topic to talk about.
And he said, why does the world want more hard?
(24:03):
What do you love to talk about?
And I thought to myself, when I get together, when David and I go on vacation with ourcouple friends, what is it I'm always talking about?
And it was always the women in my family and some shenanigan they got themselves into andcouldn't get out of.
When I'm with my girlfriends at lunch, what are they asking me about?
(24:24):
Tell us something funny, Melissa, your mother just said.
Melissa, tell us a story about Granny.
The women in my family, these chicken fried women of mine,
were always topics of conversation that everybody wanted to know and that I love to tell.
Maybe the wellness journey would be for later, but the story I was ready to tell the worldthat I kept telling the world was about these women.
(24:46):
And the minute I started sharing that with him, he said, what are you doing?
Quit wasting time.
Go sit down and tell the story you're already talking about.
And it was them.
It was always them.
I know that everybody
or most have girlfriend groups.
You have these groups.
It's the groups that you, the girlfriends you met in college, or it's the girlfriends yougrew up with, or it's your college roommate.
(25:10):
And a lot of times you, we call ourselves Thelma and Louise, or we call ourselves thestill Magnolias, you know.
The women in my family, I have called them chicken fried women for a long time.
And the reason is because they're a little battered on the outside.
Within our group of chicken fried women within this family, we've seen addiction, rehab,cancer, remission, cancer again, divorce.
(25:41):
We've buried husbands, we've buried children.
We've gone through it all.
We are battered on the outside, but we are tender on the inside.
I mean, some of us are a little salty.
Some of us are a little salty.
Some of us are a little spicy.
But
We exactly, but we are the chicken fried women.
(26:02):
That is our name and they are, they are my story.
And I, this book was so easy to write because it was just me telling one story after theother.
And when a book can come to you that beautifully and that naturally, that was the one youwere supposed to write.
Yeah, that's really good.
I mean, and you talk, you have such beautiful descriptions of the women in your life, likeyour mom, your Aunt Melba, your cousin Meredith, your granny.
(26:32):
Aunt Melba.
Well, so it's funny because like I said, my husband, you know, the southerness of southernfamilies, like he has like his mom's
great aunts were twins, Eula Mae and Bula Mae, like Eula and Bula.
mean just like, I mean just the names in, yeah, Eula and Bula.
(26:55):
Like, and sometimes people are like, you gotta be making that up, right?
I'm like, we are not.
We are not.
up when we say that there were women in our church whose last name was Pig, Ida, and Yura.
Yes.
still swear that has to be made up, but my granny said it's true.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't think we could believe a word she said, but that's right.
(27:19):
well, I love, like I said, I love that description so much about, kind of being batteredon the outside and tender on the inside.
And I feel like that, you know, Southern women are not, I feel like there are so manywomen that are kind of, that would identify with that.
And it's, man, it's just, it's such a testament to women's strength.
(27:42):
and I'm curious for you, like as someone who has, you know, your, your chicken friedyourself, little batter on the outside, little tender on the inside.
How has the example of the women in your life impacted you in your own, journey throughmarriage and motherhood and work and life?
(28:06):
less.
ways, countless ways.
I couldn't even answer your question and us not run out of time.
I mean, and you said something, you said, think a lot of women can identify with that.
Although this is written in a Southern voice and I am Southern through and through, don'tget me wrong.
And all of my stories are Southern.
I hope a woman from Cincinnati identifies with this.
(28:28):
I believe a woman in Connecticut is going to identify with this.
really, listen, this is about Southern tales, but at the heart of it, it's about women.
it's about women and what they have oh my goodness what they have taught me you knowreally quick little story my mother when I was the year that I married David so 1994 I
(28:52):
married him in August of 94 in June of that year my mother found out she was pregnant
She did not know it because she was so much, she was older.
She didn't even, after me, they were never able to have more children.
And then some 20 years later, she finds out she's pregnant.
She had zero healthcare as far, natal care, you know.
(29:16):
It was terrible and tragic and she ended up giving birth to a beautiful little boy who didnot live.
And my mother,
told me these words.
She said the one thing that I prayed was not, heal me God from this pain or anything likethat.
What I prayed over and over and over was, don't you ever let my daughter go through thiskind of pain.
(29:43):
Don't you ever let Melissa feel this kind of grief and loss.
This is crippling.
This is horrible.
You should never have to bury a child.
I don't want my daughter to ever feel this way.
How many years later was it?
when David and I gave birth to Elisha Cooper Radke on Christmas morning 2005 and he livedan hour and a half.
(30:06):
And who was it that came, flew in from Texas when I lived in Nashville, climbed up in bedbehind me and held me two days after he had been born?
My mother.
And I remember her crying.
She was spooning me in the bed.
She was just holding me.
And I remember her crying and saying, I begged God to never let this happen.
(30:26):
I begged God to never let this happen.
I didn't want this to happen to you.
And it was a fluke that it did.
But who could grieve with me like the woman who'd walked in that fire before me?
And it's been that way for all the women in my family.
(30:47):
When my Paw Paw died, my granny grieved so hard.
And then shockingly, my Uncle Donald died just a few years later and there goes my AuntMelba walking through that and who comforted her?
My granny.
When Meredith was diagnosed with stage four cancer at 30 years old, who walked with herthrough that?
My mother who had been diagnosed with stage four cancer and lived to tell about it.
(31:10):
We all go through these things and they equip us for the next generation.
My mother's pain that she never wanted me to became the testimony that I had to hear.
mean, that's just how it works for us.
So I am who I am today because of the battered things that they've walked through beforeme.
(31:35):
So that's who I am.
For better or for worse, they made me.
And that's what I mean when I write that.
You know, the subtitle of this book is Chicken Fried Women.
friendship, kinship, and the women that made us this way.
I am who I am today because of those kind of women in my life.
(31:57):
They helped me, they raised me, they strengthened me, they prayed over me, they told methat Cancels run in the family, deal with it.
I mean, that's who I am because of them.
Man, I don't think I will ever be able to articulate how much I needed to hear that.
(32:19):
So if anything, that little bit right there was just for me.
So just gonna, so thank you for that.
Okay, let me just gather myself for a second.
okay.
Well, I want to talk about your mom a little bit, obviously, because she just, I lovedwhat you just shared about her and just man, what an incredible woman.
(32:44):
But I want to talk about
all, I know this isn't your interview and me, but let me ask, why did that, why did that,because here's the deal.
Your listeners are not listening today because of me.
They are listening because they religiously love you and listen every week.
I just happen to be the special guest.
So let me just turn the tables for a second.
Why did that mean something to you?
(33:06):
having gone through my own child loss, that just, you know, and not having my mom with me.
I think about that a lot.
Yeah, I lost two boys in 2018 in the second trimester.
(33:31):
And
I lost my mom when I was a senior in high school and, you know, when I lost her, like, Iwas just in such a, you know, I mean, I write about this in my book, but, I mean, I was
just such a, you know, naive.
wasn't, I didn't know Jesus.
I was just a, I was a hot mess.
And I just, you know, kind of shut myself into a...
(33:52):
into a, like a cage really, and just didn't allow myself to feel emotions.
And I came to know Jesus in 2010 and I gave birth to my beautiful daughter in 2013 andthen a son in 2016.
And then my husband and I, we always wanted a lot of kids and I got pregnant in 2018 andeverything was great.
(34:22):
everything was fine and normal and then it wasn't.
And that grief of losing and cremating a baby is one of the, it's just a grief that I havea hard time even to this day really describing.
And it was the first thing, I'd never been to therapy before, even after losing my mom andlosing a child sent me to therapy.
(34:49):
And then I got pregnant again.
unplanned almost right away and I was just, you know, I was in a state of being completelyutterly and totally terrified and and I kept thinking to myself like, God, you wouldn't
make me go through this again, would you?
and I prayed and I prayed and I didn't get the answer to the prayer that I wanted, becauseit happened again.
(35:13):
And I remember, you know, there were so many times, like my husband was just such a, a
a firm foundation for me during that.
And God was too, and I wasn't angry at God.
I had a lot of questions for him as far as like, why would he do that?
Why, why, you know, and I think it was just a lot of it, how spiritually mature still.
(35:37):
And in the end, like that experience is what grew my faith more than ever.
And my relationship with God is what it is today because I went through that.
But there were so many times during that.
experience where all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call my mom.
It was the only thing I wanted to do.
it was just, there's just no substitute for that.
(36:02):
You know, I I love my mother-in-law.
There are so many amazing older women in my church who are kind of mother figures, butthat relationship between a mother and a daughter just never, it's not replaceable.
And so I'm just hearing...
how your mom just held you during that.
was just a really sweet moment.
(36:23):
And I know that I didn't get that, but in a lot of ways, it's just a reminder of thereality is that experience is though God didn't answer my prayer in the way that I wanted,
I've been able to then go and share with other women who have lost children and be able toshare my story and share the story of my boys, Elijah.
(36:46):
and Malachi and you know so anyway that's kind of there's obviously more to it but that'sthe the gist of it.
Yeah, well, and here's the thing.
I didn't want women to read this book and feel, I didn't want the subtitle to be kinshipand the women who made us this way.
(37:09):
Because not everybody has kin.
Not everybody has aunts and grandmothers.
Not everybody was raised with a mother.
So I put friendship and kinship and the women who made us this way.
Because whether we are born into it or not, we can create community around us.
And that is so important.
(37:31):
And as I'm listening to you talk, I don't understand.
don't understand.
You know, for me, it actually was kind of a beautiful full circle moment that my mothercould be the, that it would be her testimony that would walk me through this.
I don't understand why it wasn't for you.
And I wonder, will there be a daughter-in-law someday?
(37:53):
Will there be a granddaughter someday that you have to be that for?
I don't know.
And we won't understand until we get to heaven.
And then we probably won't even care, right?
But what I really didn't want was women to read this book and be like, but look at all thefamily she has.
No, look at all the community that I have created as well that we can have around us tohold our arms up, right, when we can't hold them up anymore.
(38:18):
And...
I don't understand why stories like that happen.
Molly, I don't.
And I think that, I think it's okay to say that.
I think if you ever follow anybody or read somebody's work and they do have all theanswers, like run, you know?
Because I don't, but God does.
(38:39):
Yeah, yeah.
And I mean, I relate to that too.
You know, like, I mean, I, you know, my dad's still around and he's married to a wonderfulwoman and, know, my sister lives an hour away.
But other than that, like, I mean, I don't really have a ton of family around, like mymom's side of the family.
That's a whole nother drama for another day.
Like, I don't have any relationship with any of my mom's side of the family.
(39:00):
And my dad's side of the family is all kind of spread out all over the country.
So it's pretty rare that we all see each other.
I although I love my cousins and whatnot, we try to text pretty regularly.
I mean, they're literally like from New York to Vermont to Montana and California andWashington state.
So like they're all over.
And I mean, I'm in here in North Carolina.
(39:21):
So in a lot of ways, like my church family, my friends, I have...
what I call my sisters from another mistress, just that in a lot of ways that chosenfamily, it doesn't replace your blood family, but it is such a needed sense of community.
Yeah.
when we experienced those losses, like I don't know what I would have done without thepeople in my life who showed up on my doorstep with bags from Trader Joe's with all their
(39:51):
favorite snacks and just in casserole.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I mean, I don't don't know what I would have done without that.
And so I really think that there is something really special about that and and reallypowerful.
And so it's just you're right.
It is such an important lesson for women to know that, like, if you don't have thatrelationship with your, you know, your blood kin that there is like, it takes work like
(40:17):
relationships take work, friendships take work, community takes work.
It is a give and take.
It's not going to just happen to you overnight.
But it is, I mean, our mutual friend, Liz Bohannon, I've learned so much from her aboutcommunity and intentional community that she lives in, in so many ways.
I just, I'm like, I want to emulate that and to be able to, you know, but it, it, itrequires being vulnerable.
(40:40):
Yes, it definitely does.
It is work.
Nobody is saying that family can be, you know, I don't know that feeling yet.
I have a dear friend named Whitney.
Within the last couple of years, Whitney has lost her mother, her father, and her brother.
You know, as Whitney told me, I'm an orphan now.
I don't have anybody else.
(41:02):
All I have is my husband's family.
I'm an orphan.
I can't replace any member of her family, but I can sure enough be a really greatplaceholder until we're all in heaven someday.
But Whitney has had to extend that vulnerability in order to create community.
(41:22):
Here's the thing that I want women to know.
Someone is waiting for you as much as you are waiting for someone.
Someone needs you.
They need your friendship.
They need your humor.
They need your style.
They need the way you're such a great listener.
Someone is waiting to forge relationship with you as much as you are waiting for them.
(41:46):
We always think that why isn't anybody coming to us?
Everybody's nervous to do it.
Everybody's nervous to reach out, to make the connections.
But they can be made.
They're beautiful place markers and placeholders until we're with our families again.
man, that's so good.
Well, I want to keep on this thread with your mom because there was something I wanted toask you about and it was how your mom once ghosted someone at a wedding buffet out of
(42:14):
loyalty to you.
tell you something.
If there is any part of my book that is going to cause an uproar in my little town, it isthat story right there.
And I have once or twice regretted putting it in because that is true.
(42:34):
That what do you want no girl I'll tell you anything.
well, I mean, first, it made me kind of think, like, I feel like Southern moms arebasically just like vigilantes and pearls with a perm.
Is that right?
That's what I kind of feel like.
So can you tell, I mean, I realize you want to save the goodness for the book, but I just,I loved this so much that I would just love for you to kind of share kind of the story
(43:00):
behind it, what happened.
here's the thing.
Here's what's so ironic.
I actually agree with you.
Southern moms are vigilantes.
That said, in a little bit of a vulnerable moment, mine has never been.
My mom has always been the woman who takes sides with someone else over me.
(43:28):
And it's been hurtful to me in my life.
My mom and I have had some things to work through in our life.
Don't get me wrong, we're best friends, we're thick as thieves.
But that has always been something that's hurt me.
My mom thinks I'm a smart aleck.
My mom says, Melissa, you're just, you know, I just don't know why you act that way.
You're just like your daddy's people and all this kind of stuff, you know?
(43:49):
And so my mom has always tended to, let's say when I was in high school, I came home and Itold her that a friend and I had a falling out and I was really hurt.
My mom's gonna side with that friend.
Well, I don't know what you did to hurt him, but I know your mouth gets you in trouble.
Let's say that, you know, something happened at church and I was, you know, I got in adispute with somebody.
Well, I'm gonna tell you right now, you probably deserved it.
(44:11):
You've never really learned how to be a good friend.
It was always like that my whole life.
And it's something that I really had to kind of go to blows with her about in my laterlife.
And...
Even with Dave, even with my husband, David, mean, David's had to stand up to hersometimes.
that you need to, you know, listen to your doctor.
(44:31):
I don't know why you always think Melissa's at fault.
Anyway, we've tried to work through that.
And the way that my mother showed me that she not only worked through it, she got an Aplus in the class was several years ago.
Some people got really offended.
when I did a television show for USA Network, they got their panties up in a bunch aboutit.
(45:00):
They didn't think it was Christian of me.
How could she be on, you know, I wasn't spouting off Psalms and Proverbs on every singleepisode.
So therefore I must not be Christian.
And these were some people who had grown, they'd watched me grow up.
They were great friends with my parents and
It was really kind of shocking to me.
They knew who I was at heart.
(45:22):
They knew who I was at heart.
And they just started, you know, kind of trashing me a little bit and who does she thinkshe is?
I, well, Annette Lee found out about it and she wasn't gonna have it.
And when it first happened in our little town, I truly expected my mother to be like,well, I told you not to do that show.
(45:42):
I told you some of those topics were kind of, they were a little off putting, Melissa.
She didn't.
Instead, she was like, you know what?
I ain't having that.
They know who you are.
I know who you are.
You walked through that entire season with your head held high.
You, you kept your hand in God's hand and I'm not going to have it.
(46:02):
And it happened to be a wedding of a mutual friend that we found ourselves at when webumped into this family for the first time in probably three or four years.
And I will never forget, my dad came over to where I was sitting.
The buffet had started, my dad was in line with my mother.
He came over and he said, Melissa, can I get you to come stand in line beside your mother?
(46:25):
And I said, why?
And he said, because Mrs.
Smith, I'm not gonna say her name, Mrs.
Smith is about two people behind.
She's tried to talk to your mother four times.
Your mother won't even turn her head.
Every time the woman tries to speak to her, your mother hums Amazing Grace under herbreath.
Can you please come over there?
So I walked over there, I put my arm around my mother and I said,
(46:46):
Are you ghosting Mrs.
Smith?
And she said, I ain't looking, God would have to come down and tell me to turn around.
I'm not going to do it.
And I stood there with my hand in my mother's hand.
And I know that sounds petty, but it wasn't.
It was a moment that I will never forget.
It was my mom being vigilante for me.
(47:08):
And she hadn't ever done that before.
And it meant so much to me, you know?
And
know that was a really cool moment.
My mama had my back and she hadn't had my back a lot in my life and she had my back thenand you know what that was about three or four years ago and she's had it ever since.
(47:29):
I had to go through a good a good full 30 years where she didn't have it.
I'm probably old that to be perfectly honest but she had my back and that's a good feelingwhen our women have our backs in it.
That's a good feeling.
Yeah.
that's so good.
Yeah, I saw, man, I saw this, I don't know, it probably Instagram Reel.
I'm not on TikTok, because I feel old, and so just can't get on TikTok.
(47:53):
But I saw this reel the other day, and it was like one of those moms when their tweendaughter comes home with filling in the tea, the fifth grade tea, and it was like, we're
ready to ride at dawn over Jessica from...
art class and I was like, yes, like that's me is every time my daughter comes home withthe latest fifth grade drama and all the girls that are mean to her and I'm just like,
(48:16):
who, who is that?
I will, I will show up to her house.
Yeah.
not confrontational and I don't want to do it person, but I could put it in an email.
That's me.
I, yeah, oh, for sure.
And I think I really try not to overdo, so sometimes I have to catch myself because I sowant to be for Remy what my mother wasn't for me in those earlier years.
(48:43):
And also I know now
the really great feeling it is when our mothers stick beside us and say, hey baby, it'syou and me against the world.
That felt so good in that moment at that wedding.
I just thought, it was one of those feelings, Molly, when you think, my mama don't justlove me, she likes me.
(49:05):
That's what it felt like.
Look at me and my mama in this line and bitter Betty's back there trying to talk to us andwe're not gonna turn around.
And my mama, she don't just love me, my mama likes me.
And so I really try to do that with Remy too.
I try to make sure I'm doing that with her.
That's so good.
Well, that actually is the perfect segue into, mean, I I would love to have you on thispodcast for like three hours.
(49:28):
Well, I'm gonna have to have you on again so you can get your velvet jacket anyway.
But we're running out of time.
I know, I'm just saying.
But I did want to talk to you about your last chapter because it is kind of like a loveletter to your daughter.
And you've kind of mentioned your relationship with your daughter.
You know, and I'm curious, like, as you've shared kind of the legacy that the other womenin your life have had on you.
(49:49):
How do you hope Remy remembers you?
And how the women that have impacted your life, how in turn you're hoping to kind of passthat torch to the next generation of women in your family.
is very important to me that Remy hear me talk about the women, the chicken fried womenwith love and respect, with honor.
(50:19):
It's easy in a family sometimes, isn't it?
To talk about our crazy cousins and talk about our aunt who's been married four times orwhatever the case may be.
Talk about our family like they're crazy.
But these women...
They have stories, have legacies, they have testimonies of the faithfulness and thegoodness of God.
(50:40):
Yes, their roast is incredibly dry and they have a chin hair that they say they'veplucked, but they have it.
It's still there.
Yes, they are imperfect in so many ways, but it is important to me that Remy hear me talkabout them with honor because there will come a day when Remy will become battered.
(51:09):
Right now, life has been served up to her on a silver platter.
Her daddy's made sure of it.
But there will come a day when she has to face the real world.
And I want her to remember how strong women do it.
I want her to remember how they do it, not always with grace, but always with God.
I want her to remember how they speak life over their situations, how they love theirpeople well, how they're faithful even in the midst of hurricane season.
(51:39):
I want her to remember those things.
And if all I do is just begrudge them, because once again, we sent out a list forThanksgiving and they signed up to only bring the drinks.
which is the kind of thing that makes us really mad.
You can cook, so you need to cook something.
I still want to talk about them with love and respect and honor because their stories aregetting me through.
(52:06):
So therefore their stories will get her through.
But not if they don't love her.
T.D.
Jakes used this analogy one day in a message.
He said, some of you have these wayward teenagers.
and you want them to rush down to the altar and you want me to pray for you want thepastor to pray for them but you talk about me at home like I'm a dog you talk about me
(52:31):
terrible you talk about your pastor in your leadership terrible and then you wonder whythey don't want to race to the front and have me pray for them that's how I feel about my
family I want Remy to love them and respect them their survival their batteredness andtheir tenderness their fight
is what's gonna get her through.
(52:51):
So it's important that she knows the story of them.
I hope this book, I hope that she reads it someday and she learns what came before her.
man, Melissa, that's so good.
Well, I want to just close out with one of my favorite quotes from of your granny fromyour book.
(53:12):
And it's, can have guns or you can have whiskey, but only an idiot has both.
And I laughed at that so much.
That is on the heels of me saying, hey, I'm going to speak this weekend at a marriageevent, but it's like for newlyweds or something.
You were married for 60 years.
(53:33):
You have any advice?
I thought she was gonna say, don't ever let the sun go down on your wrath.
I know.
You can have guns in your home, Melissa, or you can have whiskey, but only an idiot'sgonna have both.
And I thought, that is actually really great wisdom to have.
my gosh, well, by the time this is airing, your book is out in the world, so everybodyplease go get Chicken Fried Women.
(54:01):
Melissa, how can people follow you, connect with you, know, find all of the things onOutward's internet?
of course.
They can find me on Facebook and on TikTok.
And of course, you can go to my website, melissaradkey.com.
I'm up in my little bubble stories on Instagram every day, and you can hang out with methere.
And I would love for them to come and follow me and be a part, buy this book.
(54:24):
And I would love for them to buy it for four people and give it for Mother's Day gifts.
I think it'd be a great Mother's Day gift.
Yes, so good.
Melissa, this has been so much fun.
Thank you for being here.
Are you kidding me?
I'd be here again in a heartbeat.
Thank you for having me.
man, take two, we've already hit record twice.
So you know, it's going to be a good day.
I am really, I've been looking forward to this for a very long time, but Melissa, like I'mkind of a little on the edge of my seat because she said she has something that she wants
to talk to me about.
We've just met, we've known each other for three and a half seconds and she says that shewants to talk to me and has an enneagram too.
(00:26):
Like somebody saying like, we need to talk is kind of my worst nightmare.
I'm, I'm to give the floor to you, Melissa.
I I did set it up that way.
Like for the listeners, as soon as we hopped on, never laid eyes on each other.
She said, hi.
And I go, hi, I need to talk to you about something.
I did kind of lay that out kind of scary, but here's what it is.
(00:50):
You don't know this, but we have a mutual connection and it is, it is Liz Bohannon.
So you, okay.
I was going to be on Liz's podcast.
And so I wanted to make sure I was studied up.
So I started listening to her, some of her podcast episodes.
You were the first one that I listened to.
(01:13):
And I have to say you were a little bit different than most of hers because some of hersare like, I was about, Molly, was about to say some of hers are real thought leaders and
then there was you.
That's not what I meant.
No, I actually take that as a great compliment is you don't see me as
not what I meant though, because you were wonderful.
(01:34):
You kept my attention, but you weren't as serious as some.
You were lighthearted and you were fun.
It's a compliment disguised as a horrible thing that I've just said.
Okay.
But I just enjoyed you so much.
That's not even the point.
My point is this.
You commented and told her, I've been on your show so many times.
(01:56):
It's like on Saturday night live when they get the five timers club.
Yes.
The velvet robe.
Okay.
I didn't think anybody would know that reference.
Like I love that I got that reference.
I like my Saturday night live history.
It runs deep.
Okay.
And so I instantly knew I'm going to like her day.
(02:18):
I come home and I told David, I was listening to one of Liz's today and she had on thisgirl.
Her name was Molly and David goes, you realize you're going to be on her podcast.
That's how small of a world it is.
That's the connection.
And then I told David, but I'm not sure that she'll like me because she makes her ownbread, David.
And everything, she's set a goal for a whole year and she's not gonna even buy anytortillas.
(02:43):
She's just gonna make them.
So I'm not sure how you and I are gonna hit it off, because I firmly believe in buying mybread.
my gosh, I'm dying over here.
Okay, for so many reasons.
One, I cannot wait to tell my husband, Liz had so many thought leaders on and then therewas you.
He is going to absolutely, he is going to crack up.
(03:05):
He's gonna just lose his mind because my husband loves Liz.
So like back in 2019, I spoke at this conference with Liz and Jessica Honniger in Austin.
And it sounds very fancy.
It was not very fancy.
But my husband came with me and like Liz and my husband immediately became like the bestof friends.
(03:26):
And when I say that they are complete opposites in every way, like they're so not similarat all.
And yet they just like completely hit it off as BFF.
So anyway, my husband's gonna really find that hilarious.
Like, she had so many thought leaders and then there was
I have a feeling if you're a comedy girl, you know exactly what I meant.
(03:50):
yes.
And then the other thing too.
So, so I'm really glad that you love that five timers club reference.
So after I can't remember when I first made this reference on my show, because I mean,I've been doing the show for almost nine years, and it was a really long time before I
ever had somebody on twice.
And the first time I had somebody on twice, I basically was like, this is a likemonumental occasion.
(04:14):
And I am now presenting you with a metaphorical
velvet jacket that has a picture of my face on it.
And it's like the the the podcast two timers club.
It's not exclusive at all.
And now it's very easy to get into it.
but I have dreams of like one day being like, just, you know, having like a ton ofdisposable income that I could just actually make some velvet jackets.
(04:39):
well, let me tell you, I was recently, yeah, I was recently on Jen Hat Makers for the lovepodcast and it was my third time and I'm the only person she's ever had on three times.
I used the velvet jacket reference, didn't give you any credit, took it all myself, butanyway, I used the velvet jacket reference.
What we decided was if she has me on a fourth time, we're gonna do a four timers jacketbecause hers is
(05:06):
For the love her for the love podcast.
So we're going with four times.
So I would be her first one to get it.
And maybe you would be Liz's first one.
So look at me and you being all kind of skanky and showing up everywhere.
fully on board with this plan.
I mean, I really think that we need to have like a custom.
(05:29):
What are those people like?
What, you know, the people who make clothes, like, there's a fancy word for it.
Seamstress?
Yeah, something like that.
I'll have to ask Chad GPT what the word like I'm looking for.
But yeah, I'm really, Melissa, we're going to bring this into the stratosphere.
And it's just going to be the most coveted piece.
(05:51):
We're going to end up on the cover of Vogue.
The next big thing with Melissa and Molly.
that's a good podcast title.
If we ever decide to do a podcast together, the next big thing.
I'm just saying the it's a very like the alliteration.
It's...
(06:11):
Well, I just want to say the suspense was worth it.
Thank you so much for that.
I will.
I really will treasure that and for the rest of my life.
Well, obviously, we could we just jumped right into the deep end.
But I have to have you do what all my guests do.
And that is give us Melissa 101.
Okay.
(06:32):
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
The Melissa one oh one.
Oh my goodness.
Well, about goodness about eight years ago, I guess I had a video on Facebook gocompletely viral.
As of today, it's had about 150 million views and that but that was back in the day whenalgorithms were working in our favor.
(06:54):
And yeah, it really opened up a door for me to use my voice in a way that I had beencalled.
I feel like, since I was nine years old to do, I had felt a calling on my life to servepeople and use my voice in any way possible that God saw fit and he saw fit to do it
through social media.
(07:14):
And so I started making videos and people began to see me as a comic, which was totallyfine with me, but I knew I had a lot more to say.
than just jokes and bits all day long.
Eventually, I was contacted from a literary agent and I put out a memoir about six yearsago called Eat Cake Be Brave.
And that launched a television show that came to USA Network called The Radkeys, a realitytelevision show.
(07:43):
And that led to public speaking around all over the earth.
And so that's really what I am today.
I am a comedian, a clean one.
and I travel and speak, I write books, I make videos online, and when I'm not traveling,I'm at home leading worship at my church.
So I'm using my voice in every way possible.
(08:05):
And I have a husband of 32 years who I absolutely adore, and two children, Remy and Rocco,16 and 18, Remy graduates this May.
My life is full.
And that's 101 in a nutshell.
That's my elevator pitch.
I love it.
love it.
Well, I got to say, you don't look old enough to have been married 32 years.
(08:30):
So I'm just throwing that in there.
You don't.
I would like to know your skin care.
I would like to know your skin care.
Okay.
Do you use?
is called carbs.
keeps your face fat and it works in your favor.
Okay, so that's the first thing.
The second thing is, I mean, just as a former comedian myself, and as a worship leader anda speaker, like I just, and I put out my first memoir.
(08:56):
So I just feel like we're basically like, I feel like we're basically like kindredspirits.
mean, just
I didn't know that about you.
I didn't know the worship leader part and everything.
Wow, that's awesome.
love that.
Okay, so obviously, I I've followed your work for a while.
just, again, I love funny women.
I love funny people.
(09:16):
My friend Sharon likes to say she collects funny friends.
And so she was like, you're my friend because I collect funny friends.
And then I just like to say that I like attract funny people because I like to laugh.
April 22nd.
(09:37):
my goodness.
mean, how are you feeling real quick?
Because it's like birth and then
like a woman who's been, you know, we're going to take you in for a C-section on April22nd.
I mean, that's exactly what it feels like.
And I am giddy this week.
I'm absolutely giddy.
cannot wait.
Oh, so fun.
it's called Chicken Fried Woman, which by the way is the best title.
I love it so much.
(09:58):
So there's obviously I want to get a lot that I want to talk about as far as the contentof this book and kind of just southern culture, southern women, which is so fun.
But I wanted to do something a little different with you to kind of start off.
And I thought you would because you're a comedian, you're a you're a good yesander, thatyou would have fun with this.
So we're going to kind of do a rapid fire round.
(10:20):
stuff like this.
fire southern culture questions.
All right.
Okay, good.
I had a feeling you would and I was like, let's do something a little different today.
So that's what we're doing.
Okay.
So first question is, what is your favorite southern insult you would say with a smile?
(10:40):
My favorite Southern insult I would say with a smile.
I know everybody thinks I'm gonna say bless your heart, but it's not.
It would be you look like you've been rode hard and put up with.
Excellent.
And I have to say, if that sounds dirty, it may be.
I don't know, but my mother said it my whole life and that's my favorite.
(11:02):
Honey, you look like you've been road hard and put up wet.
Yeah, yeah.
So I live in North Carolina, so I hear sayings like that all the time, all the time.
It's really funny because my husband is like, you know, so my husband went to North UNCChapel Hill and like the fight song is, you know, like, I'm a Tar Heel born, I'm a Tar
Heel bred and while I die, I'll be Tar Heel dead.
And like, that is my husband's family.
(11:23):
Like we treat during COVID, we did the ancestry stuff, and we treat both of his parentsgenerations.
back to different parts of North Carolina, to the parts that they were from, to like thelate 1500s.
was like his family came here and just never left.
But his family has some really funny like southern sayings that I'm like, where is thatfrom?
(11:45):
Like when it was about to rain, his grandfather would always say, it's about to frizzle upand ski.
Like, I'm like, what does that mean?
I don't know.
You know, anyway.
Okay.
So second question, finish this sentence.
Lipstick.
(12:06):
Lipstick, okay, I like it.
Okay.
Yes.
All right.
Kevin Costner or Brad Pitt, who's getting invited to Sunday supper?
my gosh.
Did you do that on purpose?
Okay.
my gosh.
(12:26):
my gosh.
That is here's the deal.
Kevin Costner.
Listen to me though.
Let me finish.
Kevin Costner is 100%.
Every Southern woman would say it.
I'm actually, I'm actually Brad Pitt all day air day.
But I know that Kevin Costner is gonna get invited to this.
mean, any southern woman is gonna say Kevin Costner, except for maybe me.
But I got a Brad Pitt thang.
(12:49):
I got a red pit thing, but.
always eating in every movie anyway.
But I would just like to say in my very first book, Eat Kate Be Brave, there is a story inthere about how y'all, I was so naive and I was so tender-hearted and I was just like a
little girl that they'd just unwrapped a little bubble and let me out of it when I went tocollege.
(13:11):
And I went to college and that's when the bodyguard came out with Kevin Costner and Iwatched it three times and I came back to the cafeteria and I said to my friends, I don't
know what was going on like the whole time I'm watching, I feel funny.
I just feel real funny.
they, huh?
I said, I feel funny, like from my waist down.
And they said, baby, that's, you're horny.
(13:32):
That's what that is.
And I was like, we don't talk like that.
But they're like, that's what that is.
So that was my first experience with Kevin Costner, but I'd still, I'd prefer Brad Pitt,but Kev's gonna come.
That's a tough one.
fantastic.
Okay.
What is the correct emotional response to someone bringing store bought potato salad to afuneral?
(14:01):
Well, the correct emotional response, the etiquette is to say absolutely nothing until youget around your women.
And then you say, can y'all believe what she just brought?
That's just like her.
It's just like her to do that.
Y'all, she's gonna bring store bought to her own funeral.
mean, the correct emotional response is to say nothing at all till you get around yourpeople.
(14:24):
Then you rip them to shreds.
Okay, what is a southern food that's sacred enough to split a church over?
Fried chicken, every time.
Every single time.
I will fight a woman.
I will take off my earrings for how you make your fried chicken.
(14:45):
Yeah.
so good.
Which crime, which famous crime in history would your granny have accidentally solved byeavesdropping?
You're my new favorite person.
You need to call me every five minutes, Molly.
my gosh.
you
(15:06):
My granny and my mama wanted to, they had feelings for days on the murder that happenedwith the woman, Candy Montgomery, who, do you know this?
Jessica Beale just played her.
Jessica Beale just played her in a Hulu special called, named, called Candy.
(15:28):
And it's the woman who left VBS and asked her friend to death in the laundry room aftervacation Bible school.
It happened in Dallas, Texas.
It's true.
And then one of the Elizabeth Olson then played it in on HBO.
That was a scandal because both of them went to church together and one of them had anaffair with the other one's husband.
(15:53):
And when confronted in the laundry room, extra 13 times.
And that's my granny.
May she rest in peace until I get there.
My granny could have pieced that together.
No problem.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
She was a detective.
Okay.
If your life had a soundtrack, what 90s country song would start playing when you walkinto Target?
(16:21):
She's got her daddy's money, her mama's good looks, more laughs than a stack of comicbooks, a wild imagination, a college education, add them all up, it's a deadly
combination.
She's a good bass fisher, a dynamite kisser, country as a turnip green.
She's got her daddy's money, her mama's good looks, and look who's looking at me.
(16:48):
I was ready for that one, wasn't I?
were ready.
You were born ready for that one.
Okay.
What is a southern woman's favorite weapon?
A cast iron skillet, a church bulletin, or passive aggression?
three I'm gonna take number three for a thousand
(17:12):
my gosh.
so good.
All right.
What is more powerful, Southern guilt or Southern hospitality?
Ooh, hospitality.
Hospitality for sure.
They're so kind they'll just slit your throat when you're not even looking.
(17:34):
Okay, you have to be stranded on a desert island.
It's a desert island question with one family member from your book.
But who is most likely to help you survive and who's starting a fire just to prove apoint?
So that's really two people who, I lost a fingernail by the way, sorry about that.
(17:57):
One's gotta help me survive and one's gotta what now?
Yes, one's got to help you start a fire just to prove a point and who's going to mostlikely help you survive.
Sorry, I guess I should have said two people.
Okay, either way, I'm gonna go with my cousin Meredith, just simply because she's anEnneagram one, which means she's got a harsh inner critic, and I'm just gonna let it run
amok when we're there.
(18:18):
And she's got a great work ethic, she's got a great mind, she'll organize it, she'll puteverything together.
And then if she doesn't, she'll just be so down on herself.
And I'll be like, I know, Meredith, you let us all down.
Mm.
Love it.
will make it happen just out of good old fashioned guilt and you know, it'll work in myfavor is what I'm saying.
(18:40):
As an Enneagram 7, it will work in my favor.
Yes, I'm no I'm I'm on board with this.
I feel like this is like Yeah, this is thought that like this is well thought throughOkay.
All right.
I have two more.
Okay, second last one is what three things does a chicken fried woman always have to havein her purse no matter what?
(19:03):
Well, I'm gonna go back with the lip gloss.
That's a biggie for us.
That's a biggie for us.
I always reference the fact that my mother told me when I was a teenager, Melissa, somegirls don't have to wear make-up.
You're not one of those girls.
So I'm gonna go with lipstick.
She has to have a cell phone, but it is not to call.
(19:24):
It is 100 % to text to her girl across the aisle.
Are you looking at what she's got on?
yeah.
you know, like we text each other.
In my family, we text each other our thoughts while we're sitting in the same room.
Because we can't say them out loud.
So she's gonna have a cell phone, she's gonna have lip gloss.
(19:47):
And the third thing that she is gonna have in her purse, I don't know.
I would say a little cash.
She likes to be a good tipper.
yeah, I do love, you know, I went through a phase in my early thirties where I was like,not about cash.
And now I'm like, when I have cash, I just feel like I am the most powerful person onplanet earth.
(20:10):
Let me tell you something, I'm hiding something in my wallet right now and nobody knowsabout it.
I've got it all folded up and stuck between some, I got a hundred dollar bill and I'mgonna die with that hundred dollar bill.
David Radke, sit back down.
He's walking to the car to get my purse.
Sit down, Radke.
I'm hiding that thing.
I'm holding on to it like grim death.
(20:31):
learned about having, my mom always used to carry a 20 in her purse that she called a mad20.
And it was always like behind her driver's license or, you know, somewhere in her wallet,like always folded up and hidden.
And my mom died in 2002.
And I remember like in, I don't know, gosh, this was probably like 2013, 2014, 2015,somewhere in there.
(20:54):
My dad was like cleaning out old boxes and stuff.
he found, like my dad was like, he didn't like throw away a lot of my mom's stuff.
And he found her purse and he gave me her purse.
Like he didn't bother, like he didn't go through, looked, the Mad 20 was still in there.
And I was like, this Mad 20 has been in my mom's wallet for, know, like at that point,like, you know, honestly, I was in the throes of parenting toddler, like a toddler.
(21:23):
You spent that at Chick-fil-A, Molly.
spent it.
I would like to say that I like framed it or something.
I probably didn't.
I probably spent it because my mom was probably up in heaven like, girl, I'm not 20 hasbeen in my wallet for 15 years.
Get it.
Go do something with it.
Exactly.
Exactly.
(21:43):
I love those questions.
That was so fun.
Thank you.
well, you are so welcome.
You are so welcome.
Well, like I said that I just felt like that would be a really fun kind of way to startoff this episode.
And just I felt like kind of gave gave us an insight a little bit more into you andsouthern culture and all of that.
So obviously, I want to kind of talk about the the the genesis of this book, like wheredid this the idea for this book come from?
(22:09):
And and what is your
you know, what's really the heart behind it?
Okay, you know, one of the mistakes that I made after my first book is I waited six yearsto write my second book.
I will never do that again.
I should never have waited that long, because then you start putting all this unduepressure on yourself.
What is it gonna be, you know?
(22:31):
And it just so happened that around the time that I started to think about my second bookand really gear up for it, I had a couple of meetings with some different literary agents,
and one of them said,
give me your idea of your next book.
And I had been on a wellness journey and had lost about 50 pounds at that point and stillhad quite a bit to lose.
(22:53):
the wellness journey was a very eye-opening experience for me because food had really beenan idol in my life for a very long time.
And God was really revealing some things to me.
And I couldn't wait to share it with the world.
And I...
gave him all of this information and talked about it from my heart.
(23:14):
And he came back to me and he said, you know, it's been a couple of weeks since we spokeand I just wanted to tell you, I don't get behind the book.
I don't get behind that.
I can't get behind it.
And I said, why?
And he said, well, first of all, I don't think you're done with that story.
Don't write that story until you're done.
But second of all, serious and heavy just doesn't describe who you are to me.
(23:40):
What is the story that you think the world deserves to know?
What is, what is your favorite thing to talk about?
Is it this, Melissa?
I mean, is it?
And I have to be honest with you, Molly, it wasn't.
He was right.
I was still walking through this journey.
It wasn't my favorite thing to talk about.
It's a hard topic to talk about.
And he said, why does the world want more hard?
(24:03):
What do you love to talk about?
And I thought to myself, when I get together, when David and I go on vacation with ourcouple friends, what is it I'm always talking about?
And it was always the women in my family and some shenanigan they got themselves into andcouldn't get out of.
When I'm with my girlfriends at lunch, what are they asking me about?
(24:24):
Tell us something funny, Melissa, your mother just said.
Melissa, tell us a story about Granny.
The women in my family, these chicken fried women of mine,
were always topics of conversation that everybody wanted to know and that I love to tell.
Maybe the wellness journey would be for later, but the story I was ready to tell the worldthat I kept telling the world was about these women.
(24:46):
And the minute I started sharing that with him, he said, what are you doing?
Quit wasting time.
Go sit down and tell the story you're already talking about.
And it was them.
It was always them.
I know that everybody
or most have girlfriend groups.
You have these groups.
It's the groups that you, the girlfriends you met in college, or it's the girlfriends yougrew up with, or it's your college roommate.
(25:10):
And a lot of times you, we call ourselves Thelma and Louise, or we call ourselves thestill Magnolias, you know.
The women in my family, I have called them chicken fried women for a long time.
And the reason is because they're a little battered on the outside.
Within our group of chicken fried women within this family, we've seen addiction, rehab,cancer, remission, cancer again, divorce.
(25:41):
We've buried husbands, we've buried children.
We've gone through it all.
We are battered on the outside, but we are tender on the inside.
I mean, some of us are a little salty.
Some of us are a little salty.
Some of us are a little spicy.
But
We exactly, but we are the chicken fried women.
(26:02):
That is our name and they are, they are my story.
And I, this book was so easy to write because it was just me telling one story after theother.
And when a book can come to you that beautifully and that naturally, that was the one youwere supposed to write.
Yeah, that's really good.
I mean, and you talk, you have such beautiful descriptions of the women in your life, likeyour mom, your Aunt Melba, your cousin Meredith, your granny.
(26:32):
Aunt Melba.
Well, so it's funny because like I said, my husband, you know, the southerness of southernfamilies, like he has like his mom's
great aunts were twins, Eula Mae and Bula Mae, like Eula and Bula.
mean just like, I mean just the names in, yeah, Eula and Bula.
(26:55):
Like, and sometimes people are like, you gotta be making that up, right?
I'm like, we are not.
We are not.
up when we say that there were women in our church whose last name was Pig, Ida, and Yura.
Yes.
still swear that has to be made up, but my granny said it's true.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't think we could believe a word she said, but that's right.
(27:19):
well, I love, like I said, I love that description so much about, kind of being batteredon the outside and tender on the inside.
And I feel like that, you know, Southern women are not, I feel like there are so manywomen that are kind of, that would identify with that.
And it's, man, it's just, it's such a testament to women's strength.
(27:42):
and I'm curious for you, like as someone who has, you know, your, your chicken friedyourself, little batter on the outside, little tender on the inside.
How has the example of the women in your life impacted you in your own, journey throughmarriage and motherhood and work and life?
(28:06):
less.
ways, countless ways.
I couldn't even answer your question and us not run out of time.
I mean, and you said something, you said, think a lot of women can identify with that.
Although this is written in a Southern voice and I am Southern through and through, don'tget me wrong.
And all of my stories are Southern.
I hope a woman from Cincinnati identifies with this.
(28:28):
I believe a woman in Connecticut is going to identify with this.
really, listen, this is about Southern tales, but at the heart of it, it's about women.
it's about women and what they have oh my goodness what they have taught me you knowreally quick little story my mother when I was the year that I married David so 1994 I
(28:52):
married him in August of 94 in June of that year my mother found out she was pregnant
She did not know it because she was so much, she was older.
She didn't even, after me, they were never able to have more children.
And then some 20 years later, she finds out she's pregnant.
She had zero healthcare as far, natal care, you know.
(29:16):
It was terrible and tragic and she ended up giving birth to a beautiful little boy who didnot live.
And my mother,
told me these words.
She said the one thing that I prayed was not, heal me God from this pain or anything likethat.
What I prayed over and over and over was, don't you ever let my daughter go through thiskind of pain.
(29:43):
Don't you ever let Melissa feel this kind of grief and loss.
This is crippling.
This is horrible.
You should never have to bury a child.
I don't want my daughter to ever feel this way.
How many years later was it?
when David and I gave birth to Elisha Cooper Radke on Christmas morning 2005 and he livedan hour and a half.
(30:06):
And who was it that came, flew in from Texas when I lived in Nashville, climbed up in bedbehind me and held me two days after he had been born?
My mother.
And I remember her crying.
She was spooning me in the bed.
She was just holding me.
And I remember her crying and saying, I begged God to never let this happen.
(30:26):
I begged God to never let this happen.
I didn't want this to happen to you.
And it was a fluke that it did.
But who could grieve with me like the woman who'd walked in that fire before me?
And it's been that way for all the women in my family.
(30:47):
When my Paw Paw died, my granny grieved so hard.
And then shockingly, my Uncle Donald died just a few years later and there goes my AuntMelba walking through that and who comforted her?
My granny.
When Meredith was diagnosed with stage four cancer at 30 years old, who walked with herthrough that?
My mother who had been diagnosed with stage four cancer and lived to tell about it.
(31:10):
We all go through these things and they equip us for the next generation.
My mother's pain that she never wanted me to became the testimony that I had to hear.
mean, that's just how it works for us.
So I am who I am today because of the battered things that they've walked through beforeme.
(31:35):
So that's who I am.
For better or for worse, they made me.
And that's what I mean when I write that.
You know, the subtitle of this book is Chicken Fried Women.
friendship, kinship, and the women that made us this way.
I am who I am today because of those kind of women in my life.
(31:57):
They helped me, they raised me, they strengthened me, they prayed over me, they told methat Cancels run in the family, deal with it.
I mean, that's who I am because of them.
Man, I don't think I will ever be able to articulate how much I needed to hear that.
(32:19):
So if anything, that little bit right there was just for me.
So just gonna, so thank you for that.
Okay, let me just gather myself for a second.
okay.
Well, I want to talk about your mom a little bit, obviously, because she just, I lovedwhat you just shared about her and just man, what an incredible woman.
(32:44):
But I want to talk about
all, I know this isn't your interview and me, but let me ask, why did that, why did that,because here's the deal.
Your listeners are not listening today because of me.
They are listening because they religiously love you and listen every week.
I just happen to be the special guest.
So let me just turn the tables for a second.
Why did that mean something to you?
(33:06):
having gone through my own child loss, that just, you know, and not having my mom with me.
I think about that a lot.
Yeah, I lost two boys in 2018 in the second trimester.
(33:31):
And
I lost my mom when I was a senior in high school and, you know, when I lost her, like, Iwas just in such a, you know, I mean, I write about this in my book, but, I mean, I was
just such a, you know, naive.
wasn't, I didn't know Jesus.
I was just a, I was a hot mess.
And I just, you know, kind of shut myself into a...
(33:52):
into a, like a cage really, and just didn't allow myself to feel emotions.
And I came to know Jesus in 2010 and I gave birth to my beautiful daughter in 2013 andthen a son in 2016.
And then my husband and I, we always wanted a lot of kids and I got pregnant in 2018 andeverything was great.
(34:22):
everything was fine and normal and then it wasn't.
And that grief of losing and cremating a baby is one of the, it's just a grief that I havea hard time even to this day really describing.
And it was the first thing, I'd never been to therapy before, even after losing my mom andlosing a child sent me to therapy.
(34:49):
And then I got pregnant again.
unplanned almost right away and I was just, you know, I was in a state of being completelyutterly and totally terrified and and I kept thinking to myself like, God, you wouldn't
make me go through this again, would you?
and I prayed and I prayed and I didn't get the answer to the prayer that I wanted, becauseit happened again.
(35:13):
And I remember, you know, there were so many times, like my husband was just such a, a
a firm foundation for me during that.
And God was too, and I wasn't angry at God.
I had a lot of questions for him as far as like, why would he do that?
Why, why, you know, and I think it was just a lot of it, how spiritually mature still.
(35:37):
And in the end, like that experience is what grew my faith more than ever.
And my relationship with God is what it is today because I went through that.
But there were so many times during that.
experience where all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call my mom.
It was the only thing I wanted to do.
it was just, there's just no substitute for that.
(36:02):
You know, I I love my mother-in-law.
There are so many amazing older women in my church who are kind of mother figures, butthat relationship between a mother and a daughter just never, it's not replaceable.
And so I'm just hearing...
how your mom just held you during that.
was just a really sweet moment.
(36:23):
And I know that I didn't get that, but in a lot of ways, it's just a reminder of thereality is that experience is though God didn't answer my prayer in the way that I wanted,
I've been able to then go and share with other women who have lost children and be able toshare my story and share the story of my boys, Elijah.
(36:46):
and Malachi and you know so anyway that's kind of there's obviously more to it but that'sthe the gist of it.
Yeah, well, and here's the thing.
I didn't want women to read this book and feel, I didn't want the subtitle to be kinshipand the women who made us this way.
(37:09):
Because not everybody has kin.
Not everybody has aunts and grandmothers.
Not everybody was raised with a mother.
So I put friendship and kinship and the women who made us this way.
Because whether we are born into it or not, we can create community around us.
And that is so important.
(37:31):
And as I'm listening to you talk, I don't understand.
don't understand.
You know, for me, it actually was kind of a beautiful full circle moment that my mothercould be the, that it would be her testimony that would walk me through this.
I don't understand why it wasn't for you.
And I wonder, will there be a daughter-in-law someday?
(37:53):
Will there be a granddaughter someday that you have to be that for?
I don't know.
And we won't understand until we get to heaven.
And then we probably won't even care, right?
But what I really didn't want was women to read this book and be like, but look at all thefamily she has.
No, look at all the community that I have created as well that we can have around us tohold our arms up, right, when we can't hold them up anymore.
(38:18):
And...
I don't understand why stories like that happen.
Molly, I don't.
And I think that, I think it's okay to say that.
I think if you ever follow anybody or read somebody's work and they do have all theanswers, like run, you know?
Because I don't, but God does.
(38:39):
Yeah, yeah.
And I mean, I relate to that too.
You know, like, I mean, I, you know, my dad's still around and he's married to a wonderfulwoman and, know, my sister lives an hour away.
But other than that, like, I mean, I don't really have a ton of family around, like mymom's side of the family.
That's a whole nother drama for another day.
Like, I don't have any relationship with any of my mom's side of the family.
(39:00):
And my dad's side of the family is all kind of spread out all over the country.
So it's pretty rare that we all see each other.
I although I love my cousins and whatnot, we try to text pretty regularly.
I mean, they're literally like from New York to Vermont to Montana and California andWashington state.
So like they're all over.
And I mean, I'm in here in North Carolina.
(39:21):
So in a lot of ways, like my church family, my friends, I have...
what I call my sisters from another mistress, just that in a lot of ways that chosenfamily, it doesn't replace your blood family, but it is such a needed sense of community.
Yeah.
when we experienced those losses, like I don't know what I would have done without thepeople in my life who showed up on my doorstep with bags from Trader Joe's with all their
(39:51):
favorite snacks and just in casserole.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I mean, I don't don't know what I would have done without that.
And so I really think that there is something really special about that and and reallypowerful.
And so it's just you're right.
It is such an important lesson for women to know that, like, if you don't have thatrelationship with your, you know, your blood kin that there is like, it takes work like
(40:17):
relationships take work, friendships take work, community takes work.
It is a give and take.
It's not going to just happen to you overnight.
But it is, I mean, our mutual friend, Liz Bohannon, I've learned so much from her aboutcommunity and intentional community that she lives in, in so many ways.
I just, I'm like, I want to emulate that and to be able to, you know, but it, it, itrequires being vulnerable.
(40:40):
Yes, it definitely does.
It is work.
Nobody is saying that family can be, you know, I don't know that feeling yet.
I have a dear friend named Whitney.
Within the last couple of years, Whitney has lost her mother, her father, and her brother.
You know, as Whitney told me, I'm an orphan now.
I don't have anybody else.
(41:02):
All I have is my husband's family.
I'm an orphan.
I can't replace any member of her family, but I can sure enough be a really greatplaceholder until we're all in heaven someday.
But Whitney has had to extend that vulnerability in order to create community.
(41:22):
Here's the thing that I want women to know.
Someone is waiting for you as much as you are waiting for someone.
Someone needs you.
They need your friendship.
They need your humor.
They need your style.
They need the way you're such a great listener.
Someone is waiting to forge relationship with you as much as you are waiting for them.
(41:46):
We always think that why isn't anybody coming to us?
Everybody's nervous to do it.
Everybody's nervous to reach out, to make the connections.
But they can be made.
They're beautiful place markers and placeholders until we're with our families again.
man, that's so good.
Well, I want to keep on this thread with your mom because there was something I wanted toask you about and it was how your mom once ghosted someone at a wedding buffet out of
(42:14):
loyalty to you.
tell you something.
If there is any part of my book that is going to cause an uproar in my little town, it isthat story right there.
And I have once or twice regretted putting it in because that is true.
(42:34):
That what do you want no girl I'll tell you anything.
well, I mean, first, it made me kind of think, like, I feel like Southern moms arebasically just like vigilantes and pearls with a perm.
Is that right?
That's what I kind of feel like.
So can you tell, I mean, I realize you want to save the goodness for the book, but I just,I loved this so much that I would just love for you to kind of share kind of the story
(43:00):
behind it, what happened.
here's the thing.
Here's what's so ironic.
I actually agree with you.
Southern moms are vigilantes.
That said, in a little bit of a vulnerable moment, mine has never been.
My mom has always been the woman who takes sides with someone else over me.
(43:28):
And it's been hurtful to me in my life.
My mom and I have had some things to work through in our life.
Don't get me wrong, we're best friends, we're thick as thieves.
But that has always been something that's hurt me.
My mom thinks I'm a smart aleck.
My mom says, Melissa, you're just, you know, I just don't know why you act that way.
You're just like your daddy's people and all this kind of stuff, you know?
(43:49):
And so my mom has always tended to, let's say when I was in high school, I came home and Itold her that a friend and I had a falling out and I was really hurt.
My mom's gonna side with that friend.
Well, I don't know what you did to hurt him, but I know your mouth gets you in trouble.
Let's say that, you know, something happened at church and I was, you know, I got in adispute with somebody.
Well, I'm gonna tell you right now, you probably deserved it.
(44:11):
You've never really learned how to be a good friend.
It was always like that my whole life.
And it's something that I really had to kind of go to blows with her about in my laterlife.
And...
Even with Dave, even with my husband, David, mean, David's had to stand up to hersometimes.
that you need to, you know, listen to your doctor.
(44:31):
I don't know why you always think Melissa's at fault.
Anyway, we've tried to work through that.
And the way that my mother showed me that she not only worked through it, she got an Aplus in the class was several years ago.
Some people got really offended.
when I did a television show for USA Network, they got their panties up in a bunch aboutit.
(45:00):
They didn't think it was Christian of me.
How could she be on, you know, I wasn't spouting off Psalms and Proverbs on every singleepisode.
So therefore I must not be Christian.
And these were some people who had grown, they'd watched me grow up.
They were great friends with my parents and
It was really kind of shocking to me.
They knew who I was at heart.
(45:22):
They knew who I was at heart.
And they just started, you know, kind of trashing me a little bit and who does she thinkshe is?
I, well, Annette Lee found out about it and she wasn't gonna have it.
And when it first happened in our little town, I truly expected my mother to be like,well, I told you not to do that show.
(45:42):
I told you some of those topics were kind of, they were a little off putting, Melissa.
She didn't.
Instead, she was like, you know what?
I ain't having that.
They know who you are.
I know who you are.
You walked through that entire season with your head held high.
You, you kept your hand in God's hand and I'm not going to have it.
(46:02):
And it happened to be a wedding of a mutual friend that we found ourselves at when webumped into this family for the first time in probably three or four years.
And I will never forget, my dad came over to where I was sitting.
The buffet had started, my dad was in line with my mother.
He came over and he said, Melissa, can I get you to come stand in line beside your mother?
(46:25):
And I said, why?
And he said, because Mrs.
Smith, I'm not gonna say her name, Mrs.
Smith is about two people behind.
She's tried to talk to your mother four times.
Your mother won't even turn her head.
Every time the woman tries to speak to her, your mother hums Amazing Grace under herbreath.
Can you please come over there?
So I walked over there, I put my arm around my mother and I said,
(46:46):
Are you ghosting Mrs.
Smith?
And she said, I ain't looking, God would have to come down and tell me to turn around.
I'm not going to do it.
And I stood there with my hand in my mother's hand.
And I know that sounds petty, but it wasn't.
It was a moment that I will never forget.
It was my mom being vigilante for me.
(47:08):
And she hadn't ever done that before.
And it meant so much to me, you know?
And
know that was a really cool moment.
My mama had my back and she hadn't had my back a lot in my life and she had my back thenand you know what that was about three or four years ago and she's had it ever since.
(47:29):
I had to go through a good a good full 30 years where she didn't have it.
I'm probably old that to be perfectly honest but she had my back and that's a good feelingwhen our women have our backs in it.
That's a good feeling.
Yeah.
that's so good.
Yeah, I saw, man, I saw this, I don't know, it probably Instagram Reel.
I'm not on TikTok, because I feel old, and so just can't get on TikTok.
(47:53):
But I saw this reel the other day, and it was like one of those moms when their tweendaughter comes home with filling in the tea, the fifth grade tea, and it was like, we're
ready to ride at dawn over Jessica from...
art class and I was like, yes, like that's me is every time my daughter comes home withthe latest fifth grade drama and all the girls that are mean to her and I'm just like,
(48:16):
who, who is that?
I will, I will show up to her house.
Yeah.
not confrontational and I don't want to do it person, but I could put it in an email.
That's me.
I, yeah, oh, for sure.
And I think I really try not to overdo, so sometimes I have to catch myself because I sowant to be for Remy what my mother wasn't for me in those earlier years.
(48:43):
And also I know now
the really great feeling it is when our mothers stick beside us and say, hey baby, it'syou and me against the world.
That felt so good in that moment at that wedding.
I just thought, it was one of those feelings, Molly, when you think, my mama don't justlove me, she likes me.
(49:05):
That's what it felt like.
Look at me and my mama in this line and bitter Betty's back there trying to talk to us andwe're not gonna turn around.
And my mama, she don't just love me, my mama likes me.
And so I really try to do that with Remy too.
I try to make sure I'm doing that with her.
That's so good.
Well, that actually is the perfect segue into, mean, I I would love to have you on thispodcast for like three hours.
(49:28):
Well, I'm gonna have to have you on again so you can get your velvet jacket anyway.
But we're running out of time.
I know, I'm just saying.
But I did want to talk to you about your last chapter because it is kind of like a loveletter to your daughter.
And you've kind of mentioned your relationship with your daughter.
You know, and I'm curious, like, as you've shared kind of the legacy that the other womenin your life have had on you.
(49:49):
How do you hope Remy remembers you?
And how the women that have impacted your life, how in turn you're hoping to kind of passthat torch to the next generation of women in your family.
is very important to me that Remy hear me talk about the women, the chicken fried womenwith love and respect, with honor.
(50:19):
It's easy in a family sometimes, isn't it?
To talk about our crazy cousins and talk about our aunt who's been married four times orwhatever the case may be.
Talk about our family like they're crazy.
But these women...
They have stories, have legacies, they have testimonies of the faithfulness and thegoodness of God.
(50:40):
Yes, their roast is incredibly dry and they have a chin hair that they say they'veplucked, but they have it.
It's still there.
Yes, they are imperfect in so many ways, but it is important to me that Remy hear me talkabout them with honor because there will come a day when Remy will become battered.
(51:09):
Right now, life has been served up to her on a silver platter.
Her daddy's made sure of it.
But there will come a day when she has to face the real world.
And I want her to remember how strong women do it.
I want her to remember how they do it, not always with grace, but always with God.
I want her to remember how they speak life over their situations, how they love theirpeople well, how they're faithful even in the midst of hurricane season.
(51:39):
I want her to remember those things.
And if all I do is just begrudge them, because once again, we sent out a list forThanksgiving and they signed up to only bring the drinks.
which is the kind of thing that makes us really mad.
You can cook, so you need to cook something.
I still want to talk about them with love and respect and honor because their stories aregetting me through.
(52:06):
So therefore their stories will get her through.
But not if they don't love her.
T.D.
Jakes used this analogy one day in a message.
He said, some of you have these wayward teenagers.
and you want them to rush down to the altar and you want me to pray for you want thepastor to pray for them but you talk about me at home like I'm a dog you talk about me
(52:31):
terrible you talk about your pastor in your leadership terrible and then you wonder whythey don't want to race to the front and have me pray for them that's how I feel about my
family I want Remy to love them and respect them their survival their batteredness andtheir tenderness their fight
is what's gonna get her through.
(52:51):
So it's important that she knows the story of them.
I hope this book, I hope that she reads it someday and she learns what came before her.
man, Melissa, that's so good.
Well, I want to just close out with one of my favorite quotes from of your granny fromyour book.
(53:12):
And it's, can have guns or you can have whiskey, but only an idiot has both.
And I laughed at that so much.
That is on the heels of me saying, hey, I'm going to speak this weekend at a marriageevent, but it's like for newlyweds or something.
You were married for 60 years.
(53:33):
You have any advice?
I thought she was gonna say, don't ever let the sun go down on your wrath.
I know.
You can have guns in your home, Melissa, or you can have whiskey, but only an idiot'sgonna have both.
And I thought, that is actually really great wisdom to have.
my gosh, well, by the time this is airing, your book is out in the world, so everybodyplease go get Chicken Fried Women.
(54:01):
Melissa, how can people follow you, connect with you, know, find all of the things onOutward's internet?
of course.
They can find me on Facebook and on TikTok.
And of course, you can go to my website, melissaradkey.com.
I'm up in my little bubble stories on Instagram every day, and you can hang out with methere.
And I would love for them to come and follow me and be a part, buy this book.
(54:24):
And I would love for them to buy it for four people and give it for Mother's Day gifts.
I think it'd be a great Mother's Day gift.
Yes, so good.
Melissa, this has been so much fun.
Thank you for being here.
Are you kidding me?
I'd be here again in a heartbeat.
Thank you for having me.
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