Family Interference

Episode # 87

This week’s episode of caregiving for dementia was inspired
by a Facebook group post someone said something about their siblings giving
them a hard time about caregiving for their loved one.

If you are the main caregiver for your loved one you are the
one that is dealing with the aftereffects of your siblings coming to visit. If
they are not around 24 seven 365 days a year like you are, if they are not
sharing in the caregiving you’ll need to be able to tell your siblings to kiss
your you know what, if they start trying to telling you what you need to do and
what you don’t need to do.

Mamma’s had six of us kids five of us are still living. Three
of the five have just up and disappeared. They don’t call, they don’t write,
and they definitely, definitely don’t come around to see mom. They have been
gone for 5 or 6 years and if they were to show up today I don’t know that I’d
would let them in the house. I’m not even sure I’d have a long drawn out conversation
with any of them.

Your siblings should have enough respect for you and for your
loved one that they would not argue too awful much about what you’re doing and
what you’re not doing. If your siblings don’t have enough respect for you or
your loved one then you need to be able to put them in their place. After all
you are the one that’s taking care of your loved one not them. The siblings
would have a hard time forcing you to do anything other than what you’re doing,
especially if you have a doctor’s letter saying that your loved one is
incompetent. So believe me and my siblings showed up and started trying to tell
me how to take care mom or how not to take care mom I would waste no time
putting them in their place and if need be waive the doctor’s letter at them
just let them know that the Dr. knows that she’s incompetent and that you know
that the Dr. knows.

When Mama divorced my stepfather the three siblings stayed
with their father instead of living with mom and I. Now I’m not really going to
whole lot of details here but they abandoned mom then.

When the siblings decided that they wanted to go to college
they knew where to go to get the help for college they knew that mom would help
them any way that she could. Mama helped all three of them through college one
she even helped with other bills and did without a lot of things and we didn’t
do a lot of things when it was just mom and I in my 20s because the three of
them were in school. They needed mom while they were in school. Now then that
Mama needs them, and they have all, once again up and disappeared.

Mama has two great grandkids that she’s