February 7, 2025 • 48 mins
Adam Cohen, CEO of Three Day Rule, one of the most iconic and popular matchmaking services in the US right now, stops by Chanel in the City to chat with host, Chanel Omari on all things V-DAY and how to finid long healthy consistent love through matchmaking. Adam shares his experience being a CEO of dating apps like S'MORE, a non superficial app matching people based on characteristics and personality qualities- going beyond the dating scope and dating within and on a much deeper level. Adam shares with us this Valentine's Day what we can do as singles and within a couple to show our love and maintain a healthy consisent relationship all around.
Adam also teaches us how to DATE in major cities from ages 25-55 and above! Adam helps us navigate some of the biggest obstacles in dating and tips to watch out for red flags and taking dating on as a skill set and a business.
Adam also teaches us how to DATE in major cities from ages 25-55 and above! Adam helps us navigate some of the biggest obstacles in dating and tips to watch out for red flags and taking dating on as a skill set and a business.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey, everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Chanelle in
the City. I'm your host, Shanell Omari, and I have
a very special guest on the podcast today. He's actually
a really good friend of mine and he's the CEO
of Three Day Rule, one of the top matchmaking and
relationship wellness companies in the US right now, and I
am going to be trying the service, so stay tuned.
(00:25):
He's also the founder of s'more, the world's first anti
superficial dating app, which he successfully grew and sold to Talkify,
a leading matchmaking service, in twenty twenty three. And he
just keeps growing and growing. And he's a businessman, he's talented,
he's kind. Please help me. Welcome my dear friend, Adam
Cohen everyone, even though he's married. So Adam, you want
(00:45):
to state your full name.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Adam Cohen is Lottie or Aca whatever you want, you
can call me Aca.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Adam Cohen is Lottie. I love how you still use
your married name, which you should because you're a relationship expert.
Welcome to Chanelle in the City. Finally, thank you for
having me. I hope the audio is working because we
didn't even test the audio, but you hear me, I
hear you. We are in the month of Love and
you are heading now one of the most important matchmaking services,
(01:17):
and we're going to get into why matchmaking is not
only trending, but it's always been like this old school
tool to date successfully, right, So talk to us about
about three day rule.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Yeah, So, I think, first of all, matchmaking is different.
Most people seventy four percent of American singles say they
would try match making, but only one percent have, and
they think. What a lot of singles high intent singles
don't know is that many matchmaking services you can enter
their network for free. So all those people that are
(01:53):
listening that are on all those apps, you can continue
to be on those apps, and you can continue to
meet people in bars and clubs and equinocx and whatever,
but also sign up for these matchmaking services because if
they have a client that matches your preferences, that's a
free date for you and usually way higher caliber. But
the main difference between matchmaking and dating apps are that
(02:14):
in a dating app, you're in the wild wild West
and hunting and fishing for yourself, so you're thinking about
what are my preferences, what do I think my preferences
are and then you're filtering your way into perfection. And
the reality is that dating apps have a success rate
of nine percent and matchmaking has an average between a
(02:35):
seventy and eighty percent success rate. And the difference is
a person is teaching you dating skills and they're getting
to know you on a very deep level. They're becoming
your best friend, your sister, your brother, whatever it is,
understanding your insecurities, your vulnerabilities, your experience dating, and they're
literally interviewing people for you specifically and then seeing if
(02:57):
there is an X factor connection or a per personality click,
and then planning the date. So really someone that's advocating
for you and your best interests, which is partially why
matchmaking has such a high success rate compared to dating apps.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
So you would suggest a matchmaker over a dating app.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I would suggest, Yeah, I would suggest people do everything
because I think that you want to be available in
every way because you never know where the person's going
to come from. But if you're comparing apples to apples,
matchmaking is significantly more successful than a dating app.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yes, well, I've done it all except for matchmaking, So
we're going to try out. Actually, three Day Rule with
Shanella Mari Chanel in the City here, which is going
to be interesting because I just turned forty and for me,
it's it was always important to find love since the
show that I did on Bravo, which was Princesses of
Long Island for the audience just tuning in, which I
was twenty six years old then and then I went
(03:52):
through a journey of dating and having boyfriends and bad relationships.
And now I'm forty and I'm like, you know what,
Now I got to cut the shit and really be sity,
and I think matchmaking three Day Rule is going to
be something a different avenue for me to get myself
out there, because right, you can't do anything if you
don't get yourself. You can't find love if you don't
put yourself out there, Like you can't just wait at
your apartment and be like it's going to come unless
(04:14):
you put yourself out there.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You got you have got to do all the things,
all the things. And I think that, you know, we'll
get into this a little bit later on, but what
three Day Rule does that's really different from other matchmaking companies,
and for sure dating apps is and people don't know
this dating is a skill, like reading, like writing, like
riding a bike. It is a skill, and that means
(04:38):
you can learn how to be a great dater.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
By the way, so are you sorry to interry, but
you're saying so that basically, this is so interesting that
you're saying that, because are you saying then most of
the population just knows how to date.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
They don't know how to date.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
But if you feel like they do because most are married,
or most will have kids, or what society tells us,
that's what I'm so intrigued.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
The marriage rate in this country is crashing, divorce rate
is still extremely high, and young people don't want to
get married. Young people aren't in long term relationships. I
think that if i'm you know, if I'm an American educator,
I think that you should learn there should be a
course in high school and college how to date successfully
and how to be in a successful relationship. Because if
(05:19):
the most important part of your life is not only
your job, but your interactions with human beings, especially for romance,
and you don't know how to do that, how are
we expecting people to know how to behave in a
relationship if they've never been taught how to behave in
a relationship, and a lot of times we learn bad
behaviors from dating apps, from maybe growing up in a
home that wasn't amazing, And so you can learn every
(05:41):
single person can learn to be a great dater and
get value out of dating, learn how to find people
that are successful, find people that are good fits, and
also be successful when it comes to within your relationship,
like how do you fight successfully? How do you argue successfully?
How do you talk about intimacy and build out calms
and self esteem? All of these things are learned, and
(06:03):
so we can all educate ourselves up, level our skills
and be better when it comes to dating and also
within relationships.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Okay, so based on what you just said right now,
this is what's so interesting exactly. It's not about like, hey,
I'm forty and I'm still single and I haven't found
the right one, or my friend is married for thirty
years and she's sick of him and wants a divorce.
It's more like how do we date and learn how
to date to date success to date even successfully, Like
I don't want to just date someone for two years
(06:35):
and then be like okay, bye, you're out the door.
That's not the goal. The goal is to have a
long term, successful, healthy relationship. So with that being said, like,
what are your tips? I guess to like, I don't
know if the question is what are your tips in
the beginning of dating to find that and what are
your tips to maintain that? Right, because there's two different things.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I think that there's three parts to this. And again,
this is something that three day rule does, but I
think it's something that ever single can do.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
By the way, I'm so excited to try a three
day roll. You guys are going to tune intitional on
the City follow My Journey. We're going to talk about
it more on more episodes. But Adam's going to give
me a subscription of finding a date a proper date
for me and see how that turns out through a
matchmaking service. And I can tell you, guys, you know
from my own experience, and I could tell you. We're
going to go into what celebrities have used it, what
(07:22):
celebrities should use it, but yes, go on, yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
So again, so I think that so in terms of yeah,
there's been a ton of celebrities that I've used it,
that I've worked with specifically, we can get into that too.
But you know, when it comes to dating and relationships,
there's three areas that people need to focus on. So
the first one is probably the most important one, and
it is getting ready for love. So oftentimes we were
(07:46):
we feel so anxious because our parents are telling us
we need to be married, in a relationship with a kid,
we have to have a good career. There's so much
pressure on women especially but also for men to accelerate
their life in the love department, and oftentimes we're not
ready for love. We want it because we want the
end goal, but there's steps that you need to take
(08:08):
to get to that end result, and so a lot
of those steps are internal. If you're not ready for love,
if you have trauma from past relationships, and Chanelle, you
are one of those people that you have not dealt
with that. You have to figure out, how do I
let go of a bad relationship, how do I forgive
him so that I can move on, How do I
(08:28):
heal from sexual wounds, how do I heal from emotional wounds?
And so you've really got to deal with some of
this past trauma. That's this first step, and then you
need to understand when it comes to dating a relationship
where does my confidence lack? Where does my self esteem lack?
And am my good? On actual dates? When I go
on a date, what is my agenda? Am I looking
(08:50):
to interview him? Am I looking to have sex with him?
Am I looking for date number two? Like? What do
I actually want out of this date? I don't think
people don't.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
We all want to have sex at the end of it.
That's the that's what we're all thinking.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Well that's not so that's the problem. Because if you
want to have sex at the end of the day, yeah,
go on Tinder, go on bumble. If you're gay, go
on Grinder. That's your result.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
No, but you want to make an intimate connection with someone,
So why do we date? Really, that's the quest. Why
do we date to find that?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You just wan? I think we want to get to
know So we can date for a lot of reasons.
We can date because we want to meet someone and
have sex with them. We can date someone and not
actually want to even talk to them and just have
sex with them. Or we can be dating because our
goal is a long term commitment. And by the way,
not everyone wants that. And I and that's okay, and
I think that's you know, I'm not trying to.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Do you believe that. I don't believe that. You being
an expert in a CEO of a very successful company,
I don't believe that that people don't want that. I
think deep down people everybody wants that. It's with who.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Maybe maybe, But I think that timing is part of it, right,
So sometimes people don't have time to give to relationship.
They still want to meet people and have a good time,
and that's totally fine. And so I think that one
of the things is your expectations. What do you really
like Shanello a Mari? What do you really want out
of this date? Do you want to go somewhere? Do
you want to have a really fun night, what are
you looking for? Do you want to have a good
(10:10):
meal with a smart person. I mean, there's so many
different goals for the actual date and for long term,
and you need to level set what you want. And
then you also need to try before the date to
understand what their expectation is. Because if the guy's expectation
is I'm going to wind on you and then we're
gonna have sex, you should know that upfront. And there's
things you can ask.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
That's hard when men lie. That's it's hard when most
men lie.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Most men lie, maybe yeah, but you're also in control
of your own destiny, and so if you're not comfortable
with something, say something, do something, take those actions. You
don't need to do something because someone else suggests it
to you, but I think understanding what the expectation is,
and then I think when you go on the actual date,
you know, there's a mindset shift. Oftentimes, if you're a woman,
(10:57):
especially if you're in your thirties, you are not wanting
to waste time. You kind of feel this pressure society pressure,
family pressure that you don't have a ton of time.
And I don't think that's fair, but I think people
still feel that pressure. So you go into this saying, look,
at the end of this meal, I'm going to find
out if he's a waste of my time or if
we're going to the next date. And there's so much pressure,
(11:19):
and so the first date from a woman's perspective, can
be I need to get these seventy five questions answered
and then the guy's got to be perfect. That's not
going to happen. And so what I usually say on
the first date, especially is let's do a little bit
of a mindset shift. The goal of the first date
should be a rule of three because we're three day rule, right.
(11:40):
I want you to find two redeeming qualities about the
person emotionally, values based that you connect with. He really
values education, and he's close with his family, if that's
important to you. That those are two things, and one
physical characteristic about the person that you find sexy. Smile,
his butt, his hair, whatever. Chaneky pauses for one second
(12:04):
because someone's coming to fix something.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
So you're saying the three day rule.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yes, okay, so we talked about yes. So you have
to look for two redeeming qualities that are emotional, that
are values based, that are ambition based, that you like
in the person, and then one physical characteristic that you
find sexy. If you can find those three things and
there are no red flags, go on another date with
this person. It is worth your time. Forget about your checklist.
(12:36):
There's so much pressure on the first date. That means
you had a successful date. If you find those three
qualities and go on date number two.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Now what if they don't want to go on a
date with you, but you still kind of had the
same type recurring over and over again, is there are
there any tips? Which is why I say a matchmaker
works right, because the matchmaker will find out before if
you guys are a matchmade and if you had the
qualities like you're saying, that match up, and then she
sets up the date, so at least you know you're
(13:05):
going out with somebody that really wanted you ready from
the beginning, right.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
So I think I think that this is also one
of the big differentiators with people using matchmakers, because we're
going to so we're going to go through all of
your insecurities, build up your confidence, build up for self esteem.
We're going to give you dating skills. So when you
get to the date, we already know that you have
a skill, and we already know that that person's highly vetted,
So you're not going to have a situation where they
(13:29):
don't want to date me again, they don't want to
date number two, It's highly unlikely that that's going to
happen because we highly vet them for you. But if
they don't want to go in another date with you,
you want to know why that that's the best part
of matchmaking. We ask both parties for post date feedback,
so anyone who ever watched Patti Stanger Millionaire Matchmaker. She
(13:51):
literally calls them on the phone and says, hey, how
did you like X, Y and Z and do you
want to date them again? She's collecting all that information.
We're collecting all that information. It could be that it
was not a match. It could be that maybe it's
more of a friend zone thing. It could be something
you said rub them the wrong way. We get all
that information and we give it to our client. So
(14:12):
every next date is better than the last because we're iterating,
we're finding what the problem areas were, both internally and externally,
and we're correcting them as we go.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Well, that's really cool and needed. And so how does
that usually work in general? What's been the success rate
with three day rule in terms of setting people up,
whether they are celebrities or not celebrities, and just you know,
what do you have to do also to be part
of the system if somebody wants to sign up.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Eighty four percent of our clients say that we're successful
in matching. So that's great. I think that again, anyone
that wants to sign up to three day Rule, it's free,
So go to the database, you sign up, you're automatically there.
So when a matchmaker has a client that matches your preferences,
you're going to go on a free date. Also, for
all of your viewers, if they listening here and they're
(15:01):
mentioning your name, Shanelle Lamari and they go and purchase
a free match, they purchase match making from us. They'll
also also honor a discount to them too, especially for February.
So this is a February promotion, not the.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Mess Janela in the City sent you guys. Well, speaking
of February being the month of love, let's talk about
you know, and we'll get back to the process of
like how you match and how you find a match,
even though it's free, like for your clients, but for February,
for Valentine's Day, whether you're single, what are tips for
the single people out there, how to like find love,
(15:34):
how to not be hopeless or helpless that day? And
also for the couples out there that are newly dating,
Like everyone's always asking me, should I get him something?
Should I get her something? I've only been dating her
or him for two weeks, you know, or a month
or seven months, Like what's the appropriate thing to do
for a holiday? Like this for people.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Yeah, so Valentine's tends to be also one of the
most depressing days of the year. So I heard a
quote yesterday where women, young girl, I should say, young
young women in their twenties, thirties, or just single ladies,
they're doing Gallantine's Day. So they're getting together with their
girlfriends and they're doing a self care day. They're going
to a spa, they're watching a movie Netflix and chilling
(16:15):
having some popcorn. You know, it's just because you're not
in a relationship does not mean the world's ending for you.
It's all about the love that you have in your home,
the love that you have with your friends. It doesn't matter.
You do not want to be in a toxic, horrible relationship.
That's way worse than being Yeah, just because you're in
a relationship does not mean it's good. So do your
Gallentine's Day. Make Valentine's Day a self care day for
(16:37):
all the guys out there. Do something for yourself. Go
to the gym, you know, do a spa day. You know,
I think because.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
The more you love yourself, the more you attract anyway,
the right type of love. Like you can be lazy
and say I don't want to do it. Like for me,
I was going to be lazy and then I'm like, no,
I'm even going to take myself out to dinner. Yeah
alone fun, taste it and embrace it. And if I
could have fun by myself on a really depressing day,
that's supposed to be for like love and like it's
spreading love for yourself, like I can't.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Explain hundred percent one hundred percent. And also go with
your girlfriends. Make it a day where you're going to
go to a bar and find some cool guys. If
you're thinking about doing this, so or three other guys
and maybe you connect and maybe find your person. Don't
stay home and be sad. Do something that makes Sign.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Up for three day Rule and have a glass of wine.
Not that I'm trying to be promoted here, but it
is true.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
That's so true. That's a happy glass of wine. Sign
up to three Day Rule, to three Day Rull, and
maybe a couple other matchmaking companies, because increase your chances
for success one hundred percent. Well, I know that when
we were chatting a couple of days ago. Well, I
want to mention one other quick thing and then I
want to get into your love life too. So Three
Day Rule announced a one million dollar matchmaking package, So
(17:45):
we were charging a million dollars okay, and it's never
been done before where we are giving three lucky clients.
They're going to be vetted by us, so not anyone
who wants to buy could buy. Three people will have
the opportunity to work with us, and they're going to
get for a it's a one year transformational life experience, okay.
They get a matchmaker for a year, a coach for
(18:07):
a year, and a recruiter for a year to give
them unlimited matches for themselves. And also all these extra
services like coaching, getting glammed for the date is for
not only you, but every single person we find for you.
So we're going to be flying around the country. We're
going to be meeting amazing people exactly what you're looking
for and coaching them to go on dates with you. Again,
(18:31):
never been done before, unlimited matching. And if you find
a person through this experience, you also get a diamond
ring to get engaged. Hopefully that happens for you and
we're confident that.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
It will from the guys years.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Yeah, and you get to gift matchmaking to a friend
or family member and you get one year of relationship coaching. Wow,
this is great because you're able to once you find
a relationship, maintain the health of that relationship. So again,
in case any of your viewers listeners listen up or
their friends are, let.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Us know, send it to your millionaire millionaire millionaire club
because you never know who's listening. I bet you so
many millionaires listening to my show, but they just don't
want to give me money, So let them give you
the money. But the whole thing is is that it's true,
like you have to put yourself out there, you know, Like, so,
what's the process on speaking of that, what is the
process behind three day rule in general? In a matchmaking service?
(19:25):
Like what would for your client? Somebody signs up, how
does this go about? How many days do they get
a month?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
You know?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
What do the packages look like?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, so we have packages that start so the paid
match making, So again we are we have free match making,
which is your in our network and we will find
you someone if you match our client. That's free and
everyone should do that. And then our paid packages start
at fifty nine hundred dollars and they go up to
typically one hundred thousand. Now because we're in the month
of Love in February, we have some really great promotions.
(19:56):
So again, if anyone's interested, use Shanella Mar's name when
you speak to us on the phone. And there's some
really good, great promotions for February, but too.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Obviously right, thank you Shanel a Mario or Chhanel in
the city, whatever comes to mind.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
That basic yeah, and basically you know what the process
is is. Our company has a three day process for love,
three day rull. Why is it called three day rull?
We have a three day rule to successful dating. Three
day rule, not day trull. Three day rule to successful dating.
Day number one is the thing that you do before
(20:31):
your date. So what are you doing mentally and physically
to prepare for your date so you know what information
you want out of them? What do you want to
share about yourself? Don't share everything? What specifically do you
need to share about that person? And how do you
prepare yourself to be zen, to feel good, to be excited?
And it's not doing shots before the date? So let
(20:51):
me tell you that you know I'm not a good date.
Then there's day two. How do you act on the date.
What are you doing on the date to make sure
you're coming across well? Are you actively listening? How do
you actively listen? What is active listening? How do you
get the other person to date you correctly as well?
So there are certain tactics and things you should do
to make sure the actual date itself is successful. And
(21:12):
then the third day is the day after the date.
We don't want you to commit to going on another
date right away. We want you to think about did
I get my information? Are there two redeeming qualities I
like about this person and one thing physical that I'm
attracted to and no red flags? If there is, go
on another date? So we want to think about this
(21:33):
and then if there is that connection, then plan another date.
So it's a three day rule. It's a three step
process to successful dating. So yeah, that's kind of what
the company is about. And that's really why it's so
different because there's a lot of coaching involved and it's
really about transforming the person. It's not about just getting
you on great dates. It's about transforming you as a human.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Right because like, I'm a social person and a lot
of people are social that can't really date because there's
no rule book to dating, and you really have to
have a skill set, like you said, binging it back
to the beginning of the conversation, like to date, like
I can. I can be social with my friends and
go out and party and be the life of the party.
And then I could sit down with somebody and either
not reveal any information at all, which can also be
a pet peeve of someone so they don't get to
(22:18):
know anymore, or I close down or shut down, or
I talk too much. You know, we all have that.
So really how to date and coaching and like maintain
that's the key to maintaining it and finding somebody, and
of course through a matchmaker, because the matchmaker is the expert,
like you want an expert to always a lot of
times in love, I think, and especially with gen Z,
we think we know better. You know, I'm not gen Z,
(22:40):
but I like to think I am. But we think
we know best. We think we know like well, even
with celebrity, and we're gonna get into that, like love
stories and divorces and people who do last, Like we
all think we know better, but the truth is we
don't know better, and we need the help. And it's
okay to ask for help, especially this month for Valentine's Day. Like,
I can't tell you how much I dread that all
Time's day. And we're going to get into my love
(23:01):
life and why it hasn't worked for all these years
since I came out of my mom's womb. I don't
know why, because you could be the biggest people pleaser
and the biggest charmer and still not fine love. It's
not about being like the good girl or the good
guy according to society, because there's so many people I
know of those characteristics that haven't been able to literally
maintain love.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Well, let's flip the script on you, because I know
a little bit about your love life, but I don't
know how much you've shared about it. And I think
that for you, you want so much to be in
a relationship again. I could be wrong and correct me
if I am, But what I can see.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
I love love. I love love, but I'm so honest
about that, like with everybody I meet. I feel like
with my player, my friends, my bough like my exes,
Like I've always been upfront about that as my bestie,
you know, Like I love love, I love to fall
in love, I love to be in love. I think
it's a beautiful thing, you know. I think it's important.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
The trouble is when you're running towards something, When you're
running towards love and someone's giving you a bread crumb
and you're devouring the bread crumb, you will jump or
not you but people jump at the wrong When you're
getting a little affection, you think that that's love, and
there's a lot of lead on. There's a lot of
breadcrumbing that goes on. So we know that you want
to be in a relationship. You said it, you've done it,
(24:16):
You're trying to do all the things, and then when
one guy shows you a little affection, you jump and
you think it's best person ever, and then they become
evil and toxic and what have you. And in your case,
someone showed you some affection but also had such negative
traits and was doing well other women.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Like what you said to me, you should have dated
more at the time, right, Like you shouldn't date one
guy or one girl. But that's also an issue. Sometimes
that's hard for me because I don't get a million
guys at once. To date, you have to constantly put
yourself out there, even for just one guy. It's like,
that's why I'm like, how are these guys dating so
many women? Though? How it streates you?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Like that that's a character issue for them and not
about you. But you know you there's this expression that
people treat you the way you let them treat you.
And I believe that that's true when you know you're
being abused and when people around you are telling you
that that is being abused, and you recognize it. And
I think in your past relationship you did, but you
really wanted it to work. You really wanted to be
(25:18):
in this relationship, so it didn't matter for you. You thought, well,
he'll change over time because I really like him and
physically and intimate and intimacy was great, but he was
so awful and that continued to happen over and over again,
and you wanted more and more to for it to work.
And it was relationships take two to tango. And let
(25:39):
me tell you, the grass is not greener on the
other side. The grass is greener where you water it.
And he was not watering this relationship because for him,
he wasn't in one. You were in the relationship and
he was hanging out.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Yeah, but you mentioned why do you think he breadcrumbed?
And most men do. It's like why breadcrumb one girl
and then the next woman you're going to commit to?
So like how does that work with men? Usually? Like
in commitment, Like commitment is such a big like why
is it so scary for men with one woman and
for another woman it's not that scary at all? You know.
It's like that's what I don't understand, And why is
(26:11):
commitment scary? I feel like commitments, So it's healthy to
have a commitment mindset, like in life.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
If you want it. But I think oftentimes and even
men when they're younger, they want options. And so if
they're not willing to love all of a person, but
maybe the sex is good, will bread crumb you on
the sex? Will bread come you on the dates? We'll
bread come you here. So there's a multiple options. When
I'm feeling like I want to do this, I have her.
When I want to do this, I have her. When
I want to do this, I have her. You don't
(26:38):
want to be someone's side piece. You want to be
someone's everything. And so if they're not willing to give
you all of who they are, and people are telling
you this and you're seeing it, they're probably not going
to change for you, and so it's time to and
it's hard. Breakups are really tough, but you've got to
move on. And also you need to forgive that person
for you to move on, because they occupy way too
(27:00):
much space in your mind and your energy. They're an
energy suck and they they're pervasive. You know that negative
energy impacts your career, your other relationships in your life.
You need to cut it out.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Do you think that after a breakup, how long after
a breakup should you go on a matchmaking service or
just dating or going out and putting yourself out there.
Because I've put myself out there for the last two
years and my last relationship was literally two years ago.
I don't even think you can call it a relationship.
It was a situationship, even though those are considered now relationships,
because people don't know what to do with situationships, Like
(27:33):
I guess what would your advice be if people are
stuck in my situation, like a situationship they can't get
out of, they don't know of their naive towards, like
but they really want to find someone excuse me, and
then you know what to do after a breakup, Like
how long after to date and put yourself out there
if you're really not feeling it? You know.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah, Look, I think situationships are I think that they're
really arrangements, right, it's really friends with benefits. We're not
dating because we don't we want to keep our options open.
But usually.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
This is why I don't I want to tell all
the men out there or straightment. It's like, what does
it matter if you date a girl and you still
keep your options open? That is what dating is? Like,
why do they make it so? It's when they do
this category of situationship they're the bad guy because they're
like not being respectful or treating the woman like she
deserves to be treated, like you can date and want
and dyeing someone have a real honest conversation that you're
(28:28):
not ready for commitment. If they're okay with that, fine,
if they're not.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
I think usually both parties know they're in a situationship,
even though sometimes they call it a situationship. Well I didn't, okay, Well,
because I think that in your case, you were not
in a situationship. He was. You were in a relationship
during the time you thought that this guy, what.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I was Travis Barker and Courtney Kardashian.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
I thought I was Cravis, like you never felt that way,
and he told you and he did all.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
The things to make but he didn't tell me. That's
the this is what I'm saying. He led. They lead
you on. They tell you one thing in private, how
much they love you, how they can't live without you,
how they want to be with you because they get
the intimacy, and then once the intimacy's over, it's like
they don't know you.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
And that's the say he told you with his actions,
he disrespected you and mistreated you in public, and those
actions you don't believe that someone that you love. You
don't publicly embarrass someone that you love. And you felt
that and you hung onto it instead of saying, look, dude,
this is uncool. This is my boundary and if you
cross that line, I'm done.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Well I've said that and I did, but I did walk.
I mean, we're not together, right, So that's the whole.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
I think during the relationship, there was a lot of
boundaries that were crossed, and I think it's important for
women to set and men too, but also women to
set those boundaries. If this guy is going to be
disrespecting you, this is not the guy for you. Again,
maybe you like a situationship and that's totally cool, but
that will probably not become a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
No, but that's what we were, right, and that's what we
were talking about, where you're like, you have to face
what you want. And I said, I know, I want
a relationship, and you said to me off the record,
then say that out loud and start telling people that
and that's okay. And if they don't match your ethics
or what you want or your values, then you have
to you know, that's just getting to the next person. Yeah, like,
I know, I don't want a situationship. I know I
(30:17):
want a relationship. I don't know what happened. Can you
still hear me?
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I can't hear you, but you're first, but I.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Want I'm sorry. We have to move on, guys to
know all in the city. We're still moving on. But
this is gonna get fixed. Okay, we're back on the air.
I know. I this is what I want to tell
my audience too. Listen to what Adams saying, be honest
with what you want. I want a relationship. I want
a partner. I want a man that is kind, that
is equal to me, that wants to do things with me,
(30:47):
that wants to see me every day even though I
need a break from him and he needs a break
for me, but wants to see me every day, wants
to say we, wants to make plans, wants to make
serious plans, like listen, you know me. I can be
the fun girl, down to earth, casual, no pressure girl,
but at least treat me with what I deserve to
be treated with, especially having that attitude right like because
(31:08):
then they leave you for some like know it all
bitch that is so demanding and you're like, this is
who you end up with? Like this is what I
can wrap my head around, Like why some guy will
be committed to one person other you know, it's commitment,
Like I guess the question to you is commitments something
people want need to want to have or it's with
a specific person they want it with.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
It's both. It's both. Some people are not interested in
being in committed relationships because they want to just have
some fun, and sometimes those things that are fun become situationships.
The sexual part is really fun, but you're not really
seeing a long term with them. So there's parts that
are and I think that those tend to be unhealthy
because one person develops the emotional connection and it's harder
(31:49):
for them to break out of that, and then when
they finally do, that's you it falls go. I I
was told by a little birdie that you had some
celebrity relationships.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Well you're not.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Any so is it true? Is it true or false
that you have dated both Tay Diggs as well as
Zach Efron. Are those true statements?
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Well, I'm not going to get into my love life
specifically because I can get into those details because confidentiality
with celebrities. But yes, I've had definitely dated some of
these guys in Hollywood. And I was going to go
into asking you what's the difference between celebrity dating and
I also come from reality TV, So like coming from
reality TV and coming from television in general and having
(32:31):
your life in the public eye and then dating celebrities
of the caliber you mention is it's hard because you're like,
in general, even though I'm a talent, I'm a private person.
Like really, when it comes down to it, like I
am a private person. Like if you had paparazzi outside
my house snapping photos of me and a celebrity, Uh, dating,
I wouldn't mind it, but at the end of the day,
(32:51):
I wouldn't I wouldn't announce it, you know what I mean.
And I wouldn't probably feel comfortable talking about it because
your dating life still is a private thing and you know,
and the men I dated were very gracious to me
and very amazing to me, and.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Yeah, let's go. Let's go.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Okay, so we're going to talk about the celebrities, like
the difference between celebrity dating and being in the public
eye and then obviously not being a celebrity. Do you think,
like we talked about a little bit about my dating life,
Like I've dated celebrities for sure, and they didn't work out,
not because they were celebrities or because we were in
the public eye. They didn't work out because of real
you know, relationship issues or lack of or it didn't
(33:31):
wasn't compatible. So like, do you think there's a difference,
And we'll talk about some celebrity couples, like to ask
your opinion on you know.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I think that it's harder to date as a celebrity
because you're in the public eye, and I think sometimes
people are putting two celebrities together and think it's going
to be a power couple and everyone's going to care.
But people are still people at the end of the day,
so you know, a match is a good match is
a good match, and a bad match is bad match.
So I think that the the you want to if
you're a celebrity, proably want to keep it under apps
(34:01):
because if it's a real relationship that you're after, you
want to protect it as much as you can and
not share it with the world. I think when you
share it with the world, people are always trying to
pick it apart. There's always people trying to slide at
your dms and shake it up a bit. So I
think you just need to be private about how you date.
You need to trust. You know, a lot of celebrities,
a lot of politicians use matchmakers. We have quite a
(34:21):
number of celebrities and politicians. They want to just find
the love of their life. They don't care about finding
another celebrity or someone that's also a politician. They just
are looking for a good match. And it is very
difficult to do that when you're high profile, and that
doesn't mean you're a celebrity. Could mean you're a lawyer,
could mean you're a doctor, could mean you're an engineer.
Think about it. So, all of your listeners out there,
(34:44):
if you're in your thirties, forties, and fifties and you're
an accomplished professional, it's a little strange being on a
dating app and having your twenty five year old colleague
finds you on the dating app. Right, it's not really
a good look. And so when you use a matchmaking company,
you have this anonym, you have this privacy, You have
this discretion where you can really go on great dates
(35:04):
to meet great people and not be feeling some kind
of way that your face is plastered on this aff
of the whole world to see.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Well, from my experience, yeah, it's like when I was
on a reality show where I was dating other celebrities,
I feel like people used me. So the intention of
people dating you too is not real. And that sucks
when you find out that like, oh, they didn't really
like you. They liked you for who you dated, or
because you were on a reality show, because of who
your celebrity friend is. Because I've had a lot of
friends that I grew up with in Hollywood that are
(35:31):
successful and happened to me, but you know, their success
is not your success. So there's all this stuff that
you have to navigate to be like, let me find
me again, let me go back to me, you know.
Like for example, Megan Fox and right and Machine Gun Kelly,
they were super in love, super in public. And that's
the other thing I was going to ask you, like
(35:52):
because I did that with my ex, Like, but what's
the boundary where you're private and you preserve your relationship,
but you're also not a secret, right, Like with Megan
Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, they were super out there,
they were super in love. Who would have known that
he would have cheated on her and had a side
chick while she was pregnant and one of the most
gorgeous women in the world, So like, where's the you know,
(36:14):
I guess it's like, how do you achieve this like healthy, beautiful,
amazing public love without feeling some type of way or
me sometimes I can't talk about the celebrities I dated,
you know, it's taboo, like there's NDAs, there's protecting their privacy,
But like what happens about your self love or your
truth where you have these boundaries and you can be like,
(36:35):
or what are the red flags that Megan Fox wasn't seeing?
You know what I mean? Like because they were super
in love.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, I think it becomes very difficult for people to
date in the public eye. I think that they need
to be very specific about what they're looking for. I
think they need a date and a relationship coach because
there's this very specific way to navigate all of that
and probably we need more time than an hour to
go through it. But they're professionals, So I think that
(37:03):
you want to contact a company like three Day Rule,
do couples coaching and understand how to maintain discretion and privacy,
not share all those details, and have a concerted effort
when you go out publicly that you are one unit,
that you are together, and that you're not stepping out
on each other. Because there's a lot of temptation.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Out there, right because even with paparazzi, like you can
control how much media you want on you. It's just
a matter of like do you want to take it
to another level? Do you want to have a balance
Like Cameron Diaz, I think does it best like she
has a balance where she really puts her family first
and she's not in the public eye every second, But
when she has a movie to promote, she's in the
public eye and she lets that take over. There's a balance,
(37:41):
you know. I wanted to get your opinion quickly on
the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills because now they're airing.
It's a phenomenal season. We see now Dori going through
a divorce. We see all the women like Kyle Richards
and Garcel and Suddenstrak and they're all single and Erica Jane.
So what is your opinion on women who are divorced?
(38:03):
How can they find love too? And you know, get
out of this funk of like I was married now
I'm not, you know, I want new love kind of thing,
Like do you think love over for you after you
get married? According to society, it seems like you have
this like one shot at love and that's it.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
It's a I'm going to answer this in one second.
I just a signed one thing and then I'm done. Sorry, Okay,
So I love the Housewives of Beverly Hills, So let's
start there. I think that you know, it looks like
most of the women on the show are not in relationships.
They're single, they're ready to mingle. And I do believe
(38:39):
that love comes in different stages. Sometimes you have a
person in your life that is meant to be the
father of your children. You're meant to have a great
eight or ten year run, and that relationship runs its course,
and that's okay. If you've given your relationship all the
shots possible, if you've gone through therapy, if you've tried
(39:00):
everything you can, but you still aren't into the person,
you still kind of feel out of love with the person.
I don't believe people should stay together for the sake
of staying together. Now there's a lot of you know,
reasons for the kids, financial reasons, maybe you don't want
to get a divorce. But I don't think when we
have one life to live, I don't think that we
should be unhappy in the relationship department. So either we
(39:23):
create rules and boundaries in the relationship that allow us
to be happier in other ways. And there's you know,
monogamous relationships, there's things that change over time, or we
put a pin in an old relationship and we're looking
for something new for another stage of our life. I
think it's very healthy and I think it's also the
norm instead of people saying, you know, well, fifty percent
(39:45):
of marriages end up in divorce, that's a negative way
of looking at something. And oftentimes you had a good
run with a person for a period of time and
that relationship ran its course, and in some of those
years you were really happy and you both probably the
last two years weren't, and instead of having more years
of unhappiness, let's end that and start something new. I
(40:05):
do think that that's okay. Not every relationship needs to
be twenty thirty, forty years. For those people who find
the love of their life and it is in all
those stages, that's fine. But in order for that to work,
both people have to grow together at the same rate
through the entire relationship, and that is really difficult because
you don't know how someone else is going to grow.
They might grow quicker than you, then you're slowing them down,
(40:27):
or you're growing quicker than them and they're slowing you down.
It is a challenge, and I think that this is
why so many young people today, when there's a conflict
in a relationship, they're educated to say goodbye. There's a
million fish in the sea, there's an app called Plenty
of Fish that tells me that bye instead of working
on what's difficult. And working on what's difficult makes you
(40:50):
good in a relationship. And this is all about communication skills,
that's number one. It's when you feel some kind of way,
you should say that in a respectful way to your
partner in that moment, or right after the moment, right
after the heat settles, because you do not want feelings
to fester. That never leads to a positive outcome. So
have those conversations, as difficult as they may be. And
(41:13):
if you have trouble, call three day rule. We have
a coaching team here that can help you along the way.
But you've got to be simpatico. Relationships that aren't suppatoco
don't work.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Look at that they already put the balloons in the
background for you. I don't know who did that. Maybe
somebody hacked in his fairy godmother. What would you suggest
for the housewives currently in Beverly Hills or any housewives
like single or celebrity single? What do they have to
do to get back out there? And what would you
suggest for me with my dating life? We could, you know,
separate that, but like for me to get back out there,
(41:43):
or how to treat three day rule, you know when
I'm dating right, because it's been depressing.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Yeah, I think for the housewives, I do think because
they're so public, I do. I recommend that they of
course they go to all their social functions and maybe
use their social network to find people. But also every
single one of them should have a matchmaker, And a
matchmaker is just going to increase your odds of finding success.
You know, when you're when you have that much money
(42:09):
and relationships are important to you, you should be investing
in them. And so that means everyone should be having
a matchmaker, doing these professional dates while still living their
life and doing their other things instead of, you know,
thinking that it's an expense that leads to nowhere. They're
learning the skill of dating, they're learning the skill of
being in a proper relationship and going on some amazing
dates that they may not have in their social network.
(42:31):
So definitely do everything all the things that you need
to do to be successful in love and relationship. If
you can afford all the things, do all the things,
and that just increases your chance for success when it
comes to you. And some of the housewives as well,
I think that there's past trauma. Like Erica Jane's a
perfect example. She originally said, I just want to have
(42:51):
a lot of sex. I want to meet a lot
of guys, have a lot of sex, and eventually I
want to be in another relationship. And I believe that
that's true.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
Does it look like Tom was giving it to her
right now? I'm just kidding. I had to make a job.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I think that that's probably true, and I think that
ultimately she does want to have a partner. And I
think because she has gone through so much trauma with
her spouse and it's been so public, I think she
needs and she does go to therapy and she needs
to really recover from that. And she also has to
forgive Tom for all the hell that he put her
through for herself to move on, because then that's not
(43:25):
going to suck her energy, and her energy is going
to be focused on herself, fixing herself, protecting herself, and
giving all of herself to somebody new. But unless you
forgive a past relationship, and this is any relationship in
your life, could be a partner, could be a friend,
could be a colleague, could be a business relationship, you
(43:45):
need to forgive so that you mentally and your energy
can move on in a positive direction and not be
sucked back into the darkness that of the past.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Essentially, Erica Jane even said, like what I similarly said
this past week on How Wives of Beverly Hill. She said,
I want to find I want to be in love
like the Kookie and love and there's rom com movies.
Like even someone like her who says it's just about
sex for me, or I'm a strong woman or I
amn independent woman. Deep down, we all want real love. Yes,
we want that independence. We want that career because without
(44:16):
that career, we're not gonna have money to pay bills.
That's a reality. And we can't rely on men if
we're not in a relationship with men to pay our bills,
that's another reality. So it's like, but we also want
our equal and we want to fall in love because
love is so amazing.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
You know, we kind of jumped from bad relationship to
bad relationship. Way.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I was gonna say, I dated every man under the sun,
a celebrity, but the men that the ironic part is
the celebrities I dated were further good men than the
regular men that I dated. Not to make such a comparison,
but like I guess because maybe they've had they've gone
through more in life. So I have to date someone
who just went through more in life, like didn't always
have it so easy, had to like work hard for
(44:56):
something or like, you know.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
That's admirable. Look, I always say some of the best
and to some of our clients, and these could be
very high caliber or hot income earners. Look, it doesn't
matter how You're not worth more to the world because
you make more money. So let's get that straight. You
can afford more. You're not better. You don't get you
don't go to heaven because you make more money and
someone else. As a school teacher, that is not the
way it works.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
You're not a treat It's not about the celebrity or
not celebrity aspect. It's about like it just happened to
be the celebrity men I diated, they treated bit better
than them, And I shouldn't be going for for f
boys for pleasure.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
But a human's worth and to all your people out there,
whoever's listening, your worth is not determined by how much
money is in your bank account. Your worth is determined
by the kinds of person that you are, the kind
of person that you want to become, and your aura,
that is who you are, and that is your benefit
and your value to the world. It is not your
bank account. And for some of our clients it is
(45:52):
a mindset shift. They think that they want and they'll
only be happy with someone who is equally as rich
or that to them or more. And the reality is
so many of the best matches are protectors and nurturers,
and those people tend to be nurses, firemen, policemen, civil engineers.
Those people love people, their nurturers and their protectors, and
(46:16):
they make amazing matches. They're very simpatico to someone who's
very career ambitious in the private sector. And so don't
discount someone because they make less money than you are.
If they're are good soul, you can teach them how
to be goal oriented. You can teach them how to
be ambitious and how to hit their dreams. Maybe they
didn't grow up from the same background, maybe they didn't
(46:37):
have the resources that you did. I think when two
people connect, they help each other, they push each other
to become the best versions of themselves throughout their relationship,
and that is a real connection let's wrap it up
because I know you got to go. You have another interview.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
I'm gonna let you. So let everybody know for three
Day Rule, what can where can everybody find you? Guys
on social media? Where can everybody follow you? And where
can everybody sign up? Right now? Especially for Valentine's Day, guys,
tell them Shanel in the City send you We're gonna
follow my journey on three Day Rule. I'm very excited
to find love and hopefully find it through a matchmaker.
That's the weird way to go. So tell us where
(47:15):
they can follow you, Adam right now?
Speaker 2 (47:16):
Yes, so you can follow us at three Day Rule
on Instagram. You can also find me Adam is Laddie
a s l A t Ei on Instagram. Three Day
Rule is our website again. You can sign up on
the website to our network for free, cost you nothing
and you might find the love of your life. It's
Valentine's Day. I wish you all the best in finding
success yourself and all of your listeners, and also check
(47:40):
us out Three Day Rule on the Shanel a Mari Show.
Make sure you tune in, make sure.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
You share this with that tune in to you on what.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
On Chanel in the City. Correct Elamar, make sure you're
tuning in, and even if you're in a relationship, tell
all your friends who are single about three day rule,
because again, if you're high intent, if your friends are
on their life looking for love, we can find them
a person. It's not that hard. You just need professional
help and that's us. So wish you a great Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
And to my single ladies, sign up for it with
a glass of wine or some vodka that day. I
will be signing up with you ladies.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
It's free, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Thank you Adam for joining us. And until next time,
this is Shanella Maury from Shanell in the City. Tune
into us. Next time.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
It's Adam Coneslade and you're listening to Chanel in the City.
Hey, everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Chanelle in
the City. I'm your host, Shanell Omari, and I have
a very special guest on the podcast today. He's actually
a really good friend of mine and he's the CEO
of Three Day Rule, one of the top matchmaking and
relationship wellness companies in the US right now, and I
am going to be trying the service, so stay tuned.
(00:25):
He's also the founder of s'more, the world's first anti
superficial dating app, which he successfully grew and sold to Talkify,
a leading matchmaking service, in twenty twenty three. And he
just keeps growing and growing. And he's a businessman, he's talented,
he's kind. Please help me. Welcome my dear friend, Adam
Cohen everyone, even though he's married. So Adam, you want
(00:45):
to state your full name.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Adam Cohen is Lottie or Aca whatever you want, you
can call me Aca.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Adam Cohen is Lottie. I love how you still use
your married name, which you should because you're a relationship expert.
Welcome to Chanelle in the City. Finally, thank you for
having me. I hope the audio is working because we
didn't even test the audio, but you hear me, I
hear you. We are in the month of Love and
you are heading now one of the most important matchmaking services,
(01:17):
and we're going to get into why matchmaking is not
only trending, but it's always been like this old school
tool to date successfully, right, So talk to us about
about three day rule.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Yeah, So, I think, first of all, matchmaking is different.
Most people seventy four percent of American singles say they
would try match making, but only one percent have, and
they think. What a lot of singles high intent singles
don't know is that many matchmaking services you can enter
their network for free. So all those people that are
(01:53):
listening that are on all those apps, you can continue
to be on those apps, and you can continue to
meet people in bars and clubs and equinocx and whatever,
but also sign up for these matchmaking services because if
they have a client that matches your preferences, that's a
free date for you and usually way higher caliber. But
the main difference between matchmaking and dating apps are that
(02:14):
in a dating app, you're in the wild wild West
and hunting and fishing for yourself, so you're thinking about
what are my preferences, what do I think my preferences
are and then you're filtering your way into perfection. And
the reality is that dating apps have a success rate
of nine percent and matchmaking has an average between a
(02:35):
seventy and eighty percent success rate. And the difference is
a person is teaching you dating skills and they're getting
to know you on a very deep level. They're becoming
your best friend, your sister, your brother, whatever it is,
understanding your insecurities, your vulnerabilities, your experience dating, and they're
literally interviewing people for you specifically and then seeing if
(02:57):
there is an X factor connection or a per personality click,
and then planning the date. So really someone that's advocating
for you and your best interests, which is partially why
matchmaking has such a high success rate compared to dating apps.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
So you would suggest a matchmaker over a dating app.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I would suggest, Yeah, I would suggest people do everything
because I think that you want to be available in
every way because you never know where the person's going
to come from. But if you're comparing apples to apples,
matchmaking is significantly more successful than a dating app.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Yes, well, I've done it all except for matchmaking, So
we're going to try out. Actually, three Day Rule with
Shanella Mari Chanel in the City here, which is going
to be interesting because I just turned forty and for me,
it's it was always important to find love since the
show that I did on Bravo, which was Princesses of
Long Island for the audience just tuning in, which I
was twenty six years old then and then I went
(03:52):
through a journey of dating and having boyfriends and bad relationships.
And now I'm forty and I'm like, you know what,
Now I got to cut the shit and really be sity,
and I think matchmaking three Day Rule is going to
be something a different avenue for me to get myself
out there, because right, you can't do anything if you
don't get yourself. You can't find love if you don't
put yourself out there, Like you can't just wait at
your apartment and be like it's going to come unless
(04:14):
you put yourself out there.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You got you have got to do all the things,
all the things. And I think that, you know, we'll
get into this a little bit later on, but what
three Day Rule does that's really different from other matchmaking companies,
and for sure dating apps is and people don't know
this dating is a skill, like reading, like writing, like
riding a bike. It is a skill, and that means
(04:38):
you can learn how to be a great dater.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
By the way, so are you sorry to interry, but
you're saying so that basically, this is so interesting that
you're saying that, because are you saying then most of
the population just knows how to date.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
They don't know how to date.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
But if you feel like they do because most are married,
or most will have kids, or what society tells us,
that's what I'm so intrigued.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
The marriage rate in this country is crashing, divorce rate
is still extremely high, and young people don't want to
get married. Young people aren't in long term relationships. I
think that if i'm you know, if I'm an American educator,
I think that you should learn there should be a
course in high school and college how to date successfully
and how to be in a successful relationship. Because if
(05:19):
the most important part of your life is not only
your job, but your interactions with human beings, especially for romance,
and you don't know how to do that, how are
we expecting people to know how to behave in a
relationship if they've never been taught how to behave in
a relationship, and a lot of times we learn bad
behaviors from dating apps, from maybe growing up in a
home that wasn't amazing, And so you can learn every
(05:41):
single person can learn to be a great dater and
get value out of dating, learn how to find people
that are successful, find people that are good fits, and
also be successful when it comes to within your relationship,
like how do you fight successfully? How do you argue successfully?
How do you talk about intimacy and build out calms
and self esteem? All of these things are learned, and
(06:03):
so we can all educate ourselves up, level our skills
and be better when it comes to dating and also
within relationships.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Okay, so based on what you just said right now,
this is what's so interesting exactly. It's not about like, hey,
I'm forty and I'm still single and I haven't found
the right one, or my friend is married for thirty
years and she's sick of him and wants a divorce.
It's more like how do we date and learn how
to date to date success to date even successfully, Like
I don't want to just date someone for two years
(06:35):
and then be like okay, bye, you're out the door.
That's not the goal. The goal is to have a
long term, successful, healthy relationship. So with that being said, like,
what are your tips? I guess to like, I don't
know if the question is what are your tips in
the beginning of dating to find that and what are
your tips to maintain that? Right, because there's two different things.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I think that there's three parts to this. And again,
this is something that three day rule does, but I
think it's something that ever single can do.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
By the way, I'm so excited to try a three
day roll. You guys are going to tune intitional on
the City follow My Journey. We're going to talk about
it more on more episodes. But Adam's going to give
me a subscription of finding a date a proper date
for me and see how that turns out through a
matchmaking service. And I can tell you, guys, you know
from my own experience, and I could tell you. We're
going to go into what celebrities have used it, what
(07:22):
celebrities should use it, but yes, go on, yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
So again, so I think that so in terms of yeah,
there's been a ton of celebrities that I've used it,
that I've worked with specifically, we can get into that too.
But you know, when it comes to dating and relationships,
there's three areas that people need to focus on. So
the first one is probably the most important one, and
it is getting ready for love. So oftentimes we were
(07:46):
we feel so anxious because our parents are telling us
we need to be married, in a relationship with a kid,
we have to have a good career. There's so much
pressure on women especially but also for men to accelerate
their life in the love department, and oftentimes we're not
ready for love. We want it because we want the
end goal, but there's steps that you need to take
(08:08):
to get to that end result, and so a lot
of those steps are internal. If you're not ready for love,
if you have trauma from past relationships, and Chanelle, you
are one of those people that you have not dealt
with that. You have to figure out, how do I
let go of a bad relationship, how do I forgive
him so that I can move on, How do I
(08:28):
heal from sexual wounds, how do I heal from emotional wounds?
And so you've really got to deal with some of
this past trauma. That's this first step, and then you
need to understand when it comes to dating a relationship
where does my confidence lack? Where does my self esteem lack?
And am my good? On actual dates? When I go
on a date, what is my agenda? Am I looking
(08:50):
to interview him? Am I looking to have sex with him?
Am I looking for date number two? Like? What do
I actually want out of this date? I don't think
people don't.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
We all want to have sex at the end of it.
That's the that's what we're all thinking.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
Well that's not so that's the problem. Because if you
want to have sex at the end of the day, yeah,
go on Tinder, go on bumble. If you're gay, go
on Grinder. That's your result.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
No, but you want to make an intimate connection with someone,
So why do we date? Really, that's the quest. Why
do we date to find that?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
You just wan? I think we want to get to
know So we can date for a lot of reasons.
We can date because we want to meet someone and
have sex with them. We can date someone and not
actually want to even talk to them and just have
sex with them. Or we can be dating because our
goal is a long term commitment. And by the way,
not everyone wants that. And I and that's okay, and
I think that's you know, I'm not trying to.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Do you believe that. I don't believe that. You being
an expert in a CEO of a very successful company,
I don't believe that that people don't want that. I
think deep down people everybody wants that. It's with who.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Maybe maybe, But I think that timing is part of it, right,
So sometimes people don't have time to give to relationship.
They still want to meet people and have a good time,
and that's totally fine. And so I think that one
of the things is your expectations. What do you really
like Shanello a Mari? What do you really want out
of this date? Do you want to go somewhere? Do
you want to have a really fun night, what are
you looking for? Do you want to have a good
(10:10):
meal with a smart person. I mean, there's so many
different goals for the actual date and for long term,
and you need to level set what you want. And
then you also need to try before the date to
understand what their expectation is. Because if the guy's expectation
is I'm going to wind on you and then we're
gonna have sex, you should know that upfront. And there's
things you can ask.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
That's hard when men lie. That's it's hard when most
men lie.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Most men lie, maybe yeah, but you're also in control
of your own destiny, and so if you're not comfortable
with something, say something, do something, take those actions. You
don't need to do something because someone else suggests it
to you, but I think understanding what the expectation is,
and then I think when you go on the actual date,
you know, there's a mindset shift. Oftentimes, if you're a woman,
(10:57):
especially if you're in your thirties, you are not wanting
to waste time. You kind of feel this pressure society pressure,
family pressure that you don't have a ton of time.
And I don't think that's fair, but I think people
still feel that pressure. So you go into this saying, look,
at the end of this meal, I'm going to find
out if he's a waste of my time or if
we're going to the next date. And there's so much pressure,
(11:19):
and so the first date from a woman's perspective, can
be I need to get these seventy five questions answered
and then the guy's got to be perfect. That's not
going to happen. And so what I usually say on
the first date, especially is let's do a little bit
of a mindset shift. The goal of the first date
should be a rule of three because we're three day rule, right.
(11:40):
I want you to find two redeeming qualities about the
person emotionally, values based that you connect with. He really
values education, and he's close with his family, if that's
important to you. That those are two things, and one
physical characteristic about the person that you find sexy. Smile,
his butt, his hair, whatever. Chaneky pauses for one second
(12:04):
because someone's coming to fix something.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
So you're saying the three day rule.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yes, okay, so we talked about yes. So you have
to look for two redeeming qualities that are emotional, that
are values based, that are ambition based, that you like
in the person, and then one physical characteristic that you
find sexy. If you can find those three things and
there are no red flags, go on another date with
this person. It is worth your time. Forget about your checklist.
(12:36):
There's so much pressure on the first date. That means
you had a successful date. If you find those three
qualities and go on date number two.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
Now what if they don't want to go on a
date with you, but you still kind of had the
same type recurring over and over again, is there are
there any tips? Which is why I say a matchmaker
works right, because the matchmaker will find out before if
you guys are a matchmade and if you had the
qualities like you're saying, that match up, and then she
sets up the date, so at least you know you're
(13:05):
going out with somebody that really wanted you ready from
the beginning, right.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
So I think I think that this is also one
of the big differentiators with people using matchmakers, because we're
going to so we're going to go through all of
your insecurities, build up your confidence, build up for self esteem.
We're going to give you dating skills. So when you
get to the date, we already know that you have
a skill, and we already know that that person's highly vetted,
So you're not going to have a situation where they
(13:29):
don't want to date me again, they don't want to
date number two, It's highly unlikely that that's going to
happen because we highly vet them for you. But if
they don't want to go in another date with you,
you want to know why that that's the best part
of matchmaking. We ask both parties for post date feedback,
so anyone who ever watched Patti Stanger Millionaire Matchmaker. She
(13:51):
literally calls them on the phone and says, hey, how
did you like X, Y and Z and do you
want to date them again? She's collecting all that information.
We're collecting all that information. It could be that it
was not a match. It could be that maybe it's
more of a friend zone thing. It could be something
you said rub them the wrong way. We get all
that information and we give it to our client. So
(14:12):
every next date is better than the last because we're iterating,
we're finding what the problem areas were, both internally and externally,
and we're correcting them as we go.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Well, that's really cool and needed. And so how does
that usually work in general? What's been the success rate
with three day rule in terms of setting people up,
whether they are celebrities or not celebrities, and just you know,
what do you have to do also to be part
of the system if somebody wants to sign up.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Eighty four percent of our clients say that we're successful
in matching. So that's great. I think that again, anyone
that wants to sign up to three day Rule, it's free,
So go to the database, you sign up, you're automatically there.
So when a matchmaker has a client that matches your preferences,
you're going to go on a free date. Also, for
all of your viewers, if they listening here and they're
(15:01):
mentioning your name, Shanelle Lamari and they go and purchase
a free match, they purchase match making from us. They'll
also also honor a discount to them too, especially for February.
So this is a February promotion, not the.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Mess Janela in the City sent you guys. Well, speaking
of February being the month of love, let's talk about
you know, and we'll get back to the process of
like how you match and how you find a match,
even though it's free, like for your clients, but for February,
for Valentine's Day, whether you're single, what are tips for
the single people out there, how to like find love,
(15:34):
how to not be hopeless or helpless that day? And
also for the couples out there that are newly dating,
Like everyone's always asking me, should I get him something?
Should I get her something? I've only been dating her
or him for two weeks, you know, or a month
or seven months, Like what's the appropriate thing to do
for a holiday? Like this for people.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Yeah, so Valentine's tends to be also one of the
most depressing days of the year. So I heard a
quote yesterday where women, young girl, I should say, young
young women in their twenties, thirties, or just single ladies,
they're doing Gallantine's Day. So they're getting together with their
girlfriends and they're doing a self care day. They're going
to a spa, they're watching a movie Netflix and chilling
(16:15):
having some popcorn. You know, it's just because you're not
in a relationship does not mean the world's ending for you.
It's all about the love that you have in your home,
the love that you have with your friends. It doesn't matter.
You do not want to be in a toxic, horrible relationship.
That's way worse than being Yeah, just because you're in
a relationship does not mean it's good. So do your
Gallentine's Day. Make Valentine's Day a self care day for
(16:37):
all the guys out there. Do something for yourself. Go
to the gym, you know, do a spa day. You know,
I think because.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
The more you love yourself, the more you attract anyway,
the right type of love. Like you can be lazy
and say I don't want to do it. Like for me,
I was going to be lazy and then I'm like, no,
I'm even going to take myself out to dinner. Yeah
alone fun, taste it and embrace it. And if I
could have fun by myself on a really depressing day,
that's supposed to be for like love and like it's
spreading love for yourself, like I can't.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Explain hundred percent one hundred percent. And also go with
your girlfriends. Make it a day where you're going to
go to a bar and find some cool guys. If
you're thinking about doing this, so or three other guys
and maybe you connect and maybe find your person. Don't
stay home and be sad. Do something that makes Sign.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Up for three day Rule and have a glass of wine.
Not that I'm trying to be promoted here, but it
is true.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
That's so true. That's a happy glass of wine. Sign
up to three Day Rule, to three Day Rull, and
maybe a couple other matchmaking companies, because increase your chances
for success one hundred percent. Well, I know that when
we were chatting a couple of days ago. Well, I
want to mention one other quick thing and then I
want to get into your love life too. So Three
Day Rule announced a one million dollar matchmaking package, So
(17:45):
we were charging a million dollars okay, and it's never
been done before where we are giving three lucky clients.
They're going to be vetted by us, so not anyone
who wants to buy could buy. Three people will have
the opportunity to work with us, and they're going to
get for a it's a one year transformational life experience, okay.
They get a matchmaker for a year, a coach for
(18:07):
a year, and a recruiter for a year to give
them unlimited matches for themselves. And also all these extra
services like coaching, getting glammed for the date is for
not only you, but every single person we find for you.
So we're going to be flying around the country. We're
going to be meeting amazing people exactly what you're looking
for and coaching them to go on dates with you. Again,
(18:31):
never been done before, unlimited matching. And if you find
a person through this experience, you also get a diamond
ring to get engaged. Hopefully that happens for you and
we're confident that.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
It will from the guys years.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Yeah, and you get to gift matchmaking to a friend
or family member and you get one year of relationship coaching. Wow,
this is great because you're able to once you find
a relationship, maintain the health of that relationship. So again,
in case any of your viewers listeners listen up or
their friends are, let.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Us know, send it to your millionaire millionaire millionaire club
because you never know who's listening. I bet you so
many millionaires listening to my show, but they just don't
want to give me money, So let them give you
the money. But the whole thing is is that it's true,
like you have to put yourself out there, you know, Like, so,
what's the process on speaking of that, what is the
process behind three day rule in general? In a matchmaking service?
(19:25):
Like what would for your client? Somebody signs up, how
does this go about? How many days do they get
a month?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
You know?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
What do the packages look like?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Yeah, so we have packages that start so the paid
match making, So again we are we have free match making,
which is your in our network and we will find
you someone if you match our client. That's free and
everyone should do that. And then our paid packages start
at fifty nine hundred dollars and they go up to
typically one hundred thousand. Now because we're in the month
of Love in February, we have some really great promotions.
(19:56):
So again, if anyone's interested, use Shanella Mar's name when
you speak to us on the phone. And there's some
really good, great promotions for February, but too.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Obviously right, thank you Shanel a Mario or Chhanel in
the city, whatever comes to mind.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
That basic yeah, and basically you know what the process
is is. Our company has a three day process for love,
three day rull. Why is it called three day rull?
We have a three day rule to successful dating. Three
day rule, not day trull. Three day rule to successful dating.
Day number one is the thing that you do before
(20:31):
your date. So what are you doing mentally and physically
to prepare for your date so you know what information
you want out of them? What do you want to
share about yourself? Don't share everything? What specifically do you
need to share about that person? And how do you
prepare yourself to be zen, to feel good, to be excited?
And it's not doing shots before the date? So let
(20:51):
me tell you that you know I'm not a good date.
Then there's day two. How do you act on the date.
What are you doing on the date to make sure
you're coming across well? Are you actively listening? How do
you actively listen? What is active listening? How do you
get the other person to date you correctly as well?
So there are certain tactics and things you should do
to make sure the actual date itself is successful. And
(21:12):
then the third day is the day after the date.
We don't want you to commit to going on another
date right away. We want you to think about did
I get my information? Are there two redeeming qualities I
like about this person and one thing physical that I'm
attracted to and no red flags? If there is, go
on another date? So we want to think about this
(21:33):
and then if there is that connection, then plan another date.
So it's a three day rule. It's a three step
process to successful dating. So yeah, that's kind of what
the company is about. And that's really why it's so
different because there's a lot of coaching involved and it's
really about transforming the person. It's not about just getting
you on great dates. It's about transforming you as a human.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Right because like, I'm a social person and a lot
of people are social that can't really date because there's
no rule book to dating, and you really have to
have a skill set, like you said, binging it back
to the beginning of the conversation, like to date, like
I can. I can be social with my friends and
go out and party and be the life of the party.
And then I could sit down with somebody and either
not reveal any information at all, which can also be
a pet peeve of someone so they don't get to
(22:18):
know anymore, or I close down or shut down, or
I talk too much. You know, we all have that.
So really how to date and coaching and like maintain
that's the key to maintaining it and finding somebody, and
of course through a matchmaker, because the matchmaker is the expert,
like you want an expert to always a lot of
times in love, I think, and especially with gen Z,
we think we know better. You know, I'm not gen Z,
(22:40):
but I like to think I am. But we think
we know best. We think we know like well, even
with celebrity, and we're gonna get into that, like love
stories and divorces and people who do last, Like we
all think we know better, but the truth is we
don't know better, and we need the help. And it's
okay to ask for help, especially this month for Valentine's Day. Like,
I can't tell you how much I dread that all
Time's day. And we're going to get into my love
(23:01):
life and why it hasn't worked for all these years
since I came out of my mom's womb. I don't
know why, because you could be the biggest people pleaser
and the biggest charmer and still not fine love. It's
not about being like the good girl or the good
guy according to society, because there's so many people I
know of those characteristics that haven't been able to literally
maintain love.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Well, let's flip the script on you, because I know
a little bit about your love life, but I don't
know how much you've shared about it. And I think
that for you, you want so much to be in
a relationship again. I could be wrong and correct me
if I am, But what I can see.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
I love love. I love love, but I'm so honest
about that, like with everybody I meet. I feel like
with my player, my friends, my bough like my exes,
Like I've always been upfront about that as my bestie,
you know, Like I love love, I love to fall
in love, I love to be in love. I think
it's a beautiful thing, you know. I think it's important.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
The trouble is when you're running towards something, When you're
running towards love and someone's giving you a bread crumb
and you're devouring the bread crumb, you will jump or
not you but people jump at the wrong When you're
getting a little affection, you think that that's love, and
there's a lot of lead on. There's a lot of
breadcrumbing that goes on. So we know that you want
to be in a relationship. You said it, you've done it,
(24:16):
You're trying to do all the things, and then when
one guy shows you a little affection, you jump and
you think it's best person ever, and then they become
evil and toxic and what have you. And in your case,
someone showed you some affection but also had such negative
traits and was doing well other women.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
Like what you said to me, you should have dated
more at the time, right, Like you shouldn't date one
guy or one girl. But that's also an issue. Sometimes
that's hard for me because I don't get a million
guys at once. To date, you have to constantly put
yourself out there, even for just one guy. It's like,
that's why I'm like, how are these guys dating so
many women? Though? How it streates you?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Like that that's a character issue for them and not
about you. But you know you there's this expression that
people treat you the way you let them treat you.
And I believe that that's true when you know you're
being abused and when people around you are telling you
that that is being abused, and you recognize it. And
I think in your past relationship you did, but you
really wanted it to work. You really wanted to be
(25:18):
in this relationship, so it didn't matter for you. You thought, well,
he'll change over time because I really like him and
physically and intimate and intimacy was great, but he was
so awful and that continued to happen over and over again,
and you wanted more and more to for it to work.
And it was relationships take two to tango. And let
(25:39):
me tell you, the grass is not greener on the
other side. The grass is greener where you water it.
And he was not watering this relationship because for him,
he wasn't in one. You were in the relationship and
he was hanging out.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
Yeah, but you mentioned why do you think he breadcrumbed?
And most men do. It's like why breadcrumb one girl
and then the next woman you're going to commit to?
So like how does that work with men? Usually? Like
in commitment, Like commitment is such a big like why
is it so scary for men with one woman and
for another woman it's not that scary at all? You know.
It's like that's what I don't understand, And why is
(26:11):
commitment scary? I feel like commitments, So it's healthy to
have a commitment mindset, like in life.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
If you want it. But I think oftentimes and even
men when they're younger, they want options. And so if
they're not willing to love all of a person, but
maybe the sex is good, will bread crumb you on
the sex? Will bread come you on the dates? We'll
bread come you here. So there's a multiple options. When
I'm feeling like I want to do this, I have her.
When I want to do this, I have her. When
I want to do this, I have her. You don't
(26:38):
want to be someone's side piece. You want to be
someone's everything. And so if they're not willing to give
you all of who they are, and people are telling
you this and you're seeing it, they're probably not going
to change for you, and so it's time to and
it's hard. Breakups are really tough, but you've got to
move on. And also you need to forgive that person
for you to move on, because they occupy way too
(27:00):
much space in your mind and your energy. They're an
energy suck and they they're pervasive. You know that negative
energy impacts your career, your other relationships in your life.
You need to cut it out.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Do you think that after a breakup, how long after
a breakup should you go on a matchmaking service or
just dating or going out and putting yourself out there.
Because I've put myself out there for the last two
years and my last relationship was literally two years ago.
I don't even think you can call it a relationship.
It was a situationship, even though those are considered now relationships,
because people don't know what to do with situationships, Like
(27:33):
I guess what would your advice be if people are
stuck in my situation, like a situationship they can't get
out of, they don't know of their naive towards, like
but they really want to find someone excuse me, and
then you know what to do after a breakup, Like
how long after to date and put yourself out there
if you're really not feeling it? You know.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah, Look, I think situationships are I think that they're
really arrangements, right, it's really friends with benefits. We're not
dating because we don't we want to keep our options open.
But usually.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
This is why I don't I want to tell all
the men out there or straightment. It's like, what does
it matter if you date a girl and you still
keep your options open? That is what dating is? Like,
why do they make it so? It's when they do
this category of situationship they're the bad guy because they're
like not being respectful or treating the woman like she
deserves to be treated, like you can date and want
and dyeing someone have a real honest conversation that you're
(28:28):
not ready for commitment. If they're okay with that, fine,
if they're not.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
I think usually both parties know they're in a situationship,
even though sometimes they call it a situationship. Well I didn't, okay, Well,
because I think that in your case, you were not
in a situationship. He was. You were in a relationship
during the time you thought that this guy, what.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
I was Travis Barker and Courtney Kardashian.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
I thought I was Cravis, like you never felt that way,
and he told you and he did all.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
The things to make but he didn't tell me. That's
the this is what I'm saying. He led. They lead
you on. They tell you one thing in private, how
much they love you, how they can't live without you,
how they want to be with you because they get
the intimacy, and then once the intimacy's over, it's like
they don't know you.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
And that's the say he told you with his actions,
he disrespected you and mistreated you in public, and those
actions you don't believe that someone that you love. You
don't publicly embarrass someone that you love. And you felt
that and you hung onto it instead of saying, look, dude,
this is uncool. This is my boundary and if you
cross that line, I'm done.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Well I've said that and I did, but I did walk.
I mean, we're not together, right, So that's the whole.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
I think during the relationship, there was a lot of
boundaries that were crossed, and I think it's important for
women to set and men too, but also women to
set those boundaries. If this guy is going to be
disrespecting you, this is not the guy for you. Again,
maybe you like a situationship and that's totally cool, but
that will probably not become a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
No, but that's what we were, right, and that's what we
were talking about, where you're like, you have to face
what you want. And I said, I know, I want
a relationship, and you said to me off the record,
then say that out loud and start telling people that
and that's okay. And if they don't match your ethics
or what you want or your values, then you have
to you know, that's just getting to the next person. Yeah, like,
I know, I don't want a situationship. I know I
(30:17):
want a relationship. I don't know what happened. Can you
still hear me?
Speaker 2 (30:23):
I can't hear you, but you're first, but I.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Want I'm sorry. We have to move on, guys to
know all in the city. We're still moving on. But
this is gonna get fixed. Okay, we're back on the air.
I know. I this is what I want to tell
my audience too. Listen to what Adams saying, be honest
with what you want. I want a relationship. I want
a partner. I want a man that is kind, that
is equal to me, that wants to do things with me,
(30:47):
that wants to see me every day even though I
need a break from him and he needs a break
for me, but wants to see me every day, wants
to say we, wants to make plans, wants to make
serious plans, like listen, you know me. I can be
the fun girl, down to earth, casual, no pressure girl,
but at least treat me with what I deserve to
be treated with, especially having that attitude right like because
(31:08):
then they leave you for some like know it all
bitch that is so demanding and you're like, this is
who you end up with? Like this is what I
can wrap my head around, Like why some guy will
be committed to one person other you know, it's commitment,
Like I guess the question to you is commitments something
people want need to want to have or it's with
a specific person they want it with.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
It's both. It's both. Some people are not interested in
being in committed relationships because they want to just have
some fun, and sometimes those things that are fun become situationships.
The sexual part is really fun, but you're not really
seeing a long term with them. So there's parts that
are and I think that those tend to be unhealthy
because one person develops the emotional connection and it's harder
(31:49):
for them to break out of that, and then when
they finally do, that's you it falls go. I I
was told by a little birdie that you had some
celebrity relationships.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Well you're not.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Any so is it true? Is it true or false
that you have dated both Tay Diggs as well as
Zach Efron. Are those true statements?
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Well, I'm not going to get into my love life
specifically because I can get into those details because confidentiality
with celebrities. But yes, I've had definitely dated some of
these guys in Hollywood. And I was going to go
into asking you what's the difference between celebrity dating and
I also come from reality TV, So like coming from
reality TV and coming from television in general and having
(32:31):
your life in the public eye and then dating celebrities
of the caliber you mention is it's hard because you're like,
in general, even though I'm a talent, I'm a private person.
Like really, when it comes down to it, like I
am a private person. Like if you had paparazzi outside
my house snapping photos of me and a celebrity, Uh, dating,
I wouldn't mind it, but at the end of the day,
(32:51):
I wouldn't I wouldn't announce it, you know what I mean.
And I wouldn't probably feel comfortable talking about it because
your dating life still is a private thing and you know,
and the men I dated were very gracious to me
and very amazing to me, and.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
Yeah, let's go. Let's go.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
Okay, so we're going to talk about the celebrities, like
the difference between celebrity dating and being in the public
eye and then obviously not being a celebrity. Do you think,
like we talked about a little bit about my dating life,
Like I've dated celebrities for sure, and they didn't work out,
not because they were celebrities or because we were in
the public eye. They didn't work out because of real
you know, relationship issues or lack of or it didn't
(33:31):
wasn't compatible. So like, do you think there's a difference,
And we'll talk about some celebrity couples, like to ask
your opinion on you know.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
I think that it's harder to date as a celebrity
because you're in the public eye, and I think sometimes
people are putting two celebrities together and think it's going
to be a power couple and everyone's going to care.
But people are still people at the end of the day,
so you know, a match is a good match is
a good match, and a bad match is bad match.
So I think that the the you want to if
you're a celebrity, proably want to keep it under apps
(34:01):
because if it's a real relationship that you're after, you
want to protect it as much as you can and
not share it with the world. I think when you
share it with the world, people are always trying to
pick it apart. There's always people trying to slide at
your dms and shake it up a bit. So I
think you just need to be private about how you date.
You need to trust. You know, a lot of celebrities,
a lot of politicians use matchmakers. We have quite a
(34:21):
number of celebrities and politicians. They want to just find
the love of their life. They don't care about finding
another celebrity or someone that's also a politician. They just
are looking for a good match. And it is very
difficult to do that when you're high profile, and that
doesn't mean you're a celebrity. Could mean you're a lawyer,
could mean you're a doctor, could mean you're an engineer.
Think about it. So, all of your listeners out there,
(34:44):
if you're in your thirties, forties, and fifties and you're
an accomplished professional, it's a little strange being on a
dating app and having your twenty five year old colleague
finds you on the dating app. Right, it's not really
a good look. And so when you use a matchmaking company,
you have this anonym, you have this privacy, You have
this discretion where you can really go on great dates
(35:04):
to meet great people and not be feeling some kind
of way that your face is plastered on this aff
of the whole world to see.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Well, from my experience, yeah, it's like when I was
on a reality show where I was dating other celebrities,
I feel like people used me. So the intention of
people dating you too is not real. And that sucks
when you find out that like, oh, they didn't really
like you. They liked you for who you dated, or
because you were on a reality show, because of who
your celebrity friend is. Because I've had a lot of
friends that I grew up with in Hollywood that are
(35:31):
successful and happened to me, but you know, their success
is not your success. So there's all this stuff that
you have to navigate to be like, let me find
me again, let me go back to me, you know.
Like for example, Megan Fox and right and Machine Gun Kelly,
they were super in love, super in public. And that's
the other thing I was going to ask you, like
(35:52):
because I did that with my ex, Like, but what's
the boundary where you're private and you preserve your relationship,
but you're also not a secret, right, Like with Megan
Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, they were super out there,
they were super in love. Who would have known that
he would have cheated on her and had a side
chick while she was pregnant and one of the most
gorgeous women in the world, So like, where's the you know,
(36:14):
I guess it's like, how do you achieve this like healthy, beautiful,
amazing public love without feeling some type of way or
me sometimes I can't talk about the celebrities I dated,
you know, it's taboo, like there's NDAs, there's protecting their privacy,
But like what happens about your self love or your
truth where you have these boundaries and you can be like,
(36:35):
or what are the red flags that Megan Fox wasn't seeing?
You know what I mean? Like because they were super
in love.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, I think it becomes very difficult for people to
date in the public eye. I think that they need
to be very specific about what they're looking for. I
think they need a date and a relationship coach because
there's this very specific way to navigate all of that
and probably we need more time than an hour to
go through it. But they're professionals, So I think that
(37:03):
you want to contact a company like three Day Rule,
do couples coaching and understand how to maintain discretion and privacy,
not share all those details, and have a concerted effort
when you go out publicly that you are one unit,
that you are together, and that you're not stepping out
on each other. Because there's a lot of temptation.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Out there, right because even with paparazzi, like you can
control how much media you want on you. It's just
a matter of like do you want to take it
to another level? Do you want to have a balance
Like Cameron Diaz, I think does it best like she
has a balance where she really puts her family first
and she's not in the public eye every second, But
when she has a movie to promote, she's in the
public eye and she lets that take over. There's a balance,
(37:41):
you know. I wanted to get your opinion quickly on
the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills because now they're airing.
It's a phenomenal season. We see now Dori going through
a divorce. We see all the women like Kyle Richards
and Garcel and Suddenstrak and they're all single and Erica Jane.
So what is your opinion on women who are divorced?
(38:03):
How can they find love too? And you know, get
out of this funk of like I was married now
I'm not, you know, I want new love kind of thing,
Like do you think love over for you after you
get married? According to society, it seems like you have
this like one shot at love and that's it.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
It's a I'm going to answer this in one second.
I just a signed one thing and then I'm done. Sorry, Okay,
So I love the Housewives of Beverly Hills, So let's
start there. I think that you know, it looks like
most of the women on the show are not in relationships.
They're single, they're ready to mingle. And I do believe
(38:39):
that love comes in different stages. Sometimes you have a
person in your life that is meant to be the
father of your children. You're meant to have a great
eight or ten year run, and that relationship runs its course,
and that's okay. If you've given your relationship all the
shots possible, if you've gone through therapy, if you've tried
(39:00):
everything you can, but you still aren't into the person,
you still kind of feel out of love with the person.
I don't believe people should stay together for the sake
of staying together. Now there's a lot of you know,
reasons for the kids, financial reasons, maybe you don't want
to get a divorce. But I don't think when we
have one life to live, I don't think that we
should be unhappy in the relationship department. So either we
(39:23):
create rules and boundaries in the relationship that allow us
to be happier in other ways. And there's you know,
monogamous relationships, there's things that change over time, or we
put a pin in an old relationship and we're looking
for something new for another stage of our life. I
think it's very healthy and I think it's also the
norm instead of people saying, you know, well, fifty percent
(39:45):
of marriages end up in divorce, that's a negative way
of looking at something. And oftentimes you had a good
run with a person for a period of time and
that relationship ran its course, and in some of those
years you were really happy and you both probably the
last two years weren't, and instead of having more years
of unhappiness, let's end that and start something new. I
(40:05):
do think that that's okay. Not every relationship needs to
be twenty thirty, forty years. For those people who find
the love of their life and it is in all
those stages, that's fine. But in order for that to work,
both people have to grow together at the same rate
through the entire relationship, and that is really difficult because
you don't know how someone else is going to grow.
They might grow quicker than you, then you're slowing them down,
(40:27):
or you're growing quicker than them and they're slowing you down.
It is a challenge, and I think that this is
why so many young people today, when there's a conflict
in a relationship, they're educated to say goodbye. There's a
million fish in the sea, there's an app called Plenty
of Fish that tells me that bye instead of working
on what's difficult. And working on what's difficult makes you
(40:50):
good in a relationship. And this is all about communication skills,
that's number one. It's when you feel some kind of way,
you should say that in a respectful way to your
partner in that moment, or right after the moment, right
after the heat settles, because you do not want feelings
to fester. That never leads to a positive outcome. So
have those conversations, as difficult as they may be. And
(41:13):
if you have trouble, call three day rule. We have
a coaching team here that can help you along the way.
But you've got to be simpatico. Relationships that aren't suppatoco
don't work.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
Look at that they already put the balloons in the
background for you. I don't know who did that. Maybe
somebody hacked in his fairy godmother. What would you suggest
for the housewives currently in Beverly Hills or any housewives
like single or celebrity single? What do they have to
do to get back out there? And what would you
suggest for me with my dating life? We could, you know,
separate that, but like for me to get back out there,
(41:43):
or how to treat three day rule, you know when
I'm dating right, because it's been depressing.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
Yeah, I think for the housewives, I do think because
they're so public, I do. I recommend that they of
course they go to all their social functions and maybe
use their social network to find people. But also every
single one of them should have a matchmaker, And a
matchmaker is just going to increase your odds of finding success.
You know, when you're when you have that much money
(42:09):
and relationships are important to you, you should be investing
in them. And so that means everyone should be having
a matchmaker, doing these professional dates while still living their
life and doing their other things instead of, you know,
thinking that it's an expense that leads to nowhere. They're
learning the skill of dating, they're learning the skill of
being in a proper relationship and going on some amazing
dates that they may not have in their social network.
(42:31):
So definitely do everything all the things that you need
to do to be successful in love and relationship. If
you can afford all the things, do all the things,
and that just increases your chance for success when it
comes to you. And some of the housewives as well,
I think that there's past trauma. Like Erica Jane's a
perfect example. She originally said, I just want to have
(42:51):
a lot of sex. I want to meet a lot
of guys, have a lot of sex, and eventually I
want to be in another relationship. And I believe that
that's true.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
Does it look like Tom was giving it to her
right now? I'm just kidding. I had to make a job.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I think that that's probably true, and I think that
ultimately she does want to have a partner. And I
think because she has gone through so much trauma with
her spouse and it's been so public, I think she
needs and she does go to therapy and she needs
to really recover from that. And she also has to
forgive Tom for all the hell that he put her
through for herself to move on, because then that's not
(43:25):
going to suck her energy, and her energy is going
to be focused on herself, fixing herself, protecting herself, and
giving all of herself to somebody new. But unless you
forgive a past relationship, and this is any relationship in
your life, could be a partner, could be a friend,
could be a colleague, could be a business relationship, you
(43:45):
need to forgive so that you mentally and your energy
can move on in a positive direction and not be
sucked back into the darkness that of the past.
Speaker 1 (43:55):
Essentially, Erica Jane even said, like what I similarly said
this past week on How Wives of Beverly Hill. She said,
I want to find I want to be in love
like the Kookie and love and there's rom com movies.
Like even someone like her who says it's just about
sex for me, or I'm a strong woman or I
amn independent woman. Deep down, we all want real love. Yes,
we want that independence. We want that career because without
(44:16):
that career, we're not gonna have money to pay bills.
That's a reality. And we can't rely on men if
we're not in a relationship with men to pay our bills,
that's another reality. So it's like, but we also want
our equal and we want to fall in love because
love is so amazing.
Speaker 2 (44:29):
You know, we kind of jumped from bad relationship to
bad relationship. Way.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
I was gonna say, I dated every man under the sun,
a celebrity, but the men that the ironic part is
the celebrities I dated were further good men than the
regular men that I dated. Not to make such a comparison,
but like I guess because maybe they've had they've gone
through more in life. So I have to date someone
who just went through more in life, like didn't always
have it so easy, had to like work hard for
(44:56):
something or like, you know.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
That's admirable. Look, I always say some of the best
and to some of our clients, and these could be
very high caliber or hot income earners. Look, it doesn't
matter how You're not worth more to the world because
you make more money. So let's get that straight. You
can afford more. You're not better. You don't get you
don't go to heaven because you make more money and
someone else. As a school teacher, that is not the
way it works.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
You're not a treat It's not about the celebrity or
not celebrity aspect. It's about like it just happened to
be the celebrity men I diated, they treated bit better
than them, And I shouldn't be going for for f
boys for pleasure.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
But a human's worth and to all your people out there,
whoever's listening, your worth is not determined by how much
money is in your bank account. Your worth is determined
by the kinds of person that you are, the kind
of person that you want to become, and your aura,
that is who you are, and that is your benefit
and your value to the world. It is not your
bank account. And for some of our clients it is
(45:52):
a mindset shift. They think that they want and they'll
only be happy with someone who is equally as rich
or that to them or more. And the reality is
so many of the best matches are protectors and nurturers,
and those people tend to be nurses, firemen, policemen, civil engineers.
Those people love people, their nurturers and their protectors, and
(46:16):
they make amazing matches. They're very simpatico to someone who's
very career ambitious in the private sector. And so don't
discount someone because they make less money than you are.
If they're are good soul, you can teach them how
to be goal oriented. You can teach them how to
be ambitious and how to hit their dreams. Maybe they
didn't grow up from the same background, maybe they didn't
(46:37):
have the resources that you did. I think when two
people connect, they help each other, they push each other
to become the best versions of themselves throughout their relationship,
and that is a real connection let's wrap it up
because I know you got to go. You have another interview.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
I'm gonna let you. So let everybody know for three
Day Rule, what can where can everybody find you? Guys
on social media? Where can everybody follow you? And where
can everybody sign up? Right now? Especially for Valentine's Day, guys,
tell them Shanel in the City send you We're gonna
follow my journey on three Day Rule. I'm very excited
to find love and hopefully find it through a matchmaker.
That's the weird way to go. So tell us where
(47:15):
they can follow you, Adam right now?
Speaker 2 (47:16):
Yes, so you can follow us at three Day Rule
on Instagram. You can also find me Adam is Laddie
a s l A t Ei on Instagram. Three Day
Rule is our website again. You can sign up on
the website to our network for free, cost you nothing
and you might find the love of your life. It's
Valentine's Day. I wish you all the best in finding
success yourself and all of your listeners, and also check
(47:40):
us out Three Day Rule on the Shanel a Mari Show.
Make sure you tune in, make sure.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
You share this with that tune in to you on what.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
On Chanel in the City. Correct Elamar, make sure you're
tuning in, and even if you're in a relationship, tell
all your friends who are single about three day rule,
because again, if you're high intent, if your friends are
on their life looking for love, we can find them
a person. It's not that hard. You just need professional
help and that's us. So wish you a great Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
And to my single ladies, sign up for it with
a glass of wine or some vodka that day. I
will be signing up with you ladies.
Speaker 2 (48:15):
It's free, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
Thank you Adam for joining us. And until next time,
this is Shanella Maury from Shanell in the City. Tune
into us. Next time.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
It's Adam Coneslade and you're listening to Chanel in the City.
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