Episode # 96: Rachel Beiferman chats Dating App Disasters, how to deal with being single in a big city and bar tending at Comedy Clubs!

Host of the dating and comedy podcast, Rachel Beiferman stops by Chanel in the City to chat with host, Chanel Omari on Chanel in the City about her amazing podcast; Dating APP Disasters with her co-host comedian, Phil Ducket as they help comedians, celebrities and everyone else navigate their dating life in the big city and how to avoid further dating disasters. Rachel gives tips and advice on how to have fun being single in the city and how to date appropriatly! Rachel opens up about why she started and is so passionate about starting the podcast and sharing other peoples' dating nightmares so we can all feel less alone. Make sure to follow @datingappdisasters for more info!

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Episode Transcript

(00:05):
Hey, everyone, Welcome back toanother episode of Chanelle in the City on
iHeartRadio. I'm your host, Shanellamari, and I have a very special guest
here today with me. I mean, I'm usually I have a lot of
special guests, but this girl,she's my sister from another mister, my
Jewish sister from another mister. Wego way back. She is so awesome.
She's hilarious, she's beautiful, she'stalented, and she has an amazing

(00:26):
podcast out there. You can checkme out on it. You can check
a lot of comedians out on itwith her co host, stand up comedian
Phil Duckett, called Dating App Disasters. It's one of the best dating app
podcasts out there. They give youa lot of great advice, dating tips,
and they talk about dating disasters andnightmares. Please help me. Welcome
my good friend rachel Leah. Howare you. I am very excited to

(00:51):
be here talking with you. Lookgreat, Oh my god, awesome as
well. Thank you. We're justwe're just full of compliments today. I
should be dating you, that's whoactually. I mean, if I chose
to go the other way, Iwould consider it, would you you know,
You're like, let's not go downthere. If I'm your sister,

(01:12):
I guess it would be a littleincestual, but I mean, you know
whatever, but I do have tocorrect you. We are blow fat Jewish
sisters. Oh my god? Thatokay? So why why? Oh?
Because I don't practice, so Ifeel like I should fraud a little bit
to like like feel a real jewisI mean I don't practice either. I
mean I come from a modern Orthodoxfamily, which is so interesting, how

(01:34):
like I feel you and I havebonded even though you don't come from a
modern Orthodox Jewish family, and Ido you know, it's like interesting when
you when you are Jewish, youshare like a certain bond right, right,
that's what bonded us. That thefirst time we met, was it?
I would Can we talk about thefirst time? Yeah, let's talk
about the first time. So,so I met the lovely Rachel at doctor

(01:57):
Oz, Right, that was thefirst time we met. Yes, with
your four broken arms, with mypro broken arm. I was dating someone
at the time who drove me tofucking break my arm literally, But why
we won't, Yeah, we won't. We got to talk about that another
time. Yeah, I had.I was in a bad relationship and during
that time, I had a badcar accident. Oh my god, and
I broke my left middle finger andmy hand like it was all. It

(02:22):
was bad, Like it was abad too hard and I gave I was
like fuck, you know. ButI got into bad car accident during the
time I was with him, andI was rushed to the hospital. It
was like awful, and he neverlike came to visit. It was like
a whole thing, and it wascrazy. It was like such a bad
memory. So when doctor Oz calledme and like they were like, oh,
we want you to come on andtalk about like these teas, these

(02:45):
detox teas at the time that Iwas doing to lose weight. Never ever
lose weight, by the way,if the audience is listening for a man,
like always lose weight for yourself becauseyou will be a crazy psychopath.
I know, yeah enough, youknow what I mean. Like I wasn't
eating, I was doing these detoxteas. And then at the time doctor
Oz had a segment and I wasdoing radio. I was a radio DJ

(03:07):
at the time. At one ofsix point one b a line, He's
like, why didn't you come onand talk about your experience and how like
you're always on the run and it'sunhealthy. And then I met you and
you were there with two beautiful modelsand you were doing the segment which was
really cool. Remember those two models. Yeah, I wasn't with them,
but I yeah, I met themthere as well. So there. Yeah,

(03:28):
so how did you How was thatexperience for you? How did you
get that experience? Like, so, like people who don't know about you
because you do a lot of TV, right, but you don't have a
lot. I wish it was alot. It's a little it's a lot
of talk shows. I love.I love doing talk shows, like I
love the spontaneity of it. It'ssometimes it's it's a little scripted, but
um, I'd like to go onand talk about things that I know about.

(03:53):
Um, I don't enjoy actually memorizinglines. That is something like I
probably would get more into acting,but like that's so tedious to me that
I just don't enjoy it. SoI'm like, no, So talk shows
are a lot of fun. ButI think that was like the very first
one I had done when I metyou on that, Yes, it was,
it was the first one. Yeah, yeah, you were a pro,

(04:13):
and well, well that's very sweet, but What is interesting about that
is that I met you there andwe didn't We were talking about starting podcasts
at the time, but neither ofus had or like it was like in
the very beginning stages and then fullcircle, I run into you it New
York Comedy Club and we're both doingit finally and now we've been on each

(04:34):
other's podcast and it's been it's likefull circle. It's great. I know,
it's crazy. At the time,people were like, what is a
podcast? Like, why are youtalking about a podcast that's so weird?
Was it? Was it? Reallyat that point? I feel like it
was kind of sort of established starting. Yeah, I think I didn't mind
like a year, like maybe ayear later, but it was starting.
But I think it was like alittle still taboo, like no one really

(04:54):
knew about it. Now it's likeso popular. Everybody now everybody and their
mama has one. I know.Well, let's talk about your podcast,
which is super awesome, and youguys can check out my episode on Rachel
and Phil's podcast, Dating app Disasters. It's really funny, it's really awesome.
I talk to us about why youstarted this podcast, like why dating?
Okay, so my dating life hasbeen an absolute rollercoaster. It has

(05:18):
been more nightmare than anything else.And to top it all off, I
said, let me just be gluttonfor punishment and get and try the apps.
Right, this is what people aredoing now. I'm like, all
right, let's give it a shot. And literally the first five dates I
went on, I'm surprised I'm stillhere talking to you because they were so

(05:42):
crazy. I don't know how I'mnot dead. I don't know how I'm
not chopped up into pieces like itis. I had a guy show up
and throw up all over my floorand pass out in it. I had
a guy bring me up dress ina brown paper bag and said he saw
it on him anakin today and thoughtof me, um, but once it

(06:06):
gets even better and okay, ohmy god, no it was. It
was a hideous dress and it hada prayer attached to it. It was
not today. I was like,yeah, like the dress by but what
was ironic is that? Well?He picked me up and he was like
blasting classical music. I was like, this is this is kind of quirky,

(06:29):
but okay, whatever, let's rollwith it. We get to the
place. He starts pounding shots,starts sweating, like crazy, and I
get back to the car, whichI shouldn't have got back in the car,
but I noticed the whole back ofthe car was covered in white sheets.
So I was like, oh,he's gonna kill me. I'm texting
down my friends, like letting themknow exactly like my my, my radius,

(06:50):
whereabouts of uh and when I'll behome. Um. He then starts
a fight with me in the carabout the doctor Oz clip that I I
posted on Instagram and telling me thatdoctor Oz is a quack and all this
crazy stuff. I mean, itjust it just keeps getting better and better.
So I finally have him dropped meoff like a few blocks away from

(07:13):
my apartment, and he's like,don't forget the dress, and I throw
it in the dumpster by my apartment. Before I even get up the steps,
I start getting Dick pics in myphone. No, and so I
blocked him and then he then startstricking me from all their numbers all week
and asking me if I tried onthe dress. Eventually he gave up.

(07:38):
Eventually he gave up, but Imean it was wild, and I still
kept going on dates because I stillhad hope. I guess it's amazing that
you had a hope from that.Well, I mean or I just got
you know, I got into itfor the story, I guess. But
yeah, I had so many,so many crazy experiences on the apps that
I was like, and then Istarted talking to people and theirs were almost

(08:01):
either as crazy or crazier than mine. And then I noticed all the comedians
that I'm around have been on theapps and they have bits or stories about
it. So I don't know,it just kind of came together. My
friend helped me come up with thename, and then I we started and
that was it. I was almosttwo years ago. That's awesome, and
you've come such a long way.You've had such great um celebrities and comedians

(08:24):
on the podcast, Like you knowMario Cantone from Sex in the City,
which is a big deal and ahuge booking. How was it like talking
to him and just like being inhis presence because he's so comedically, he's
so the legend. Yeah, thelegend. No no one can top him,
you know, comedy because of himis why also, more and more

(08:45):
why I want to get into comedy, knowing that, like you can be
a comedic actress and you could bea stand up because he has done both.
You know what I'm saying, right, Um, I was can I
curse on this podcast? Oh?Shitting my pants all day. I was
like, I'm gonna flove my words. I'm gonna this is gonna be terrible.

(09:05):
But like, he was the coolest, most down to earth guy.
All he asked of us was toget him a shot of espresso. Um,
and and that was it. Andhe was so chill, and he
was just fun and he had suchamazing stories and he gave such great advice
about marriage and relationships, and itwas it was an amazing episode and I

(09:30):
was so grateful and I still watched. I still go back and listen because
I can't believe it. Any advicethat he gave you that stuck with you,
that you can share with us,that we can take away from.
Well, he did say that himand his partner take a lot of time
off really well because they're both inthe entertainment business. You know, they

(09:52):
travel a lot, so they feellike and I kind of always have felt
that way. I feel like alot of people are against long distant situations
or relationships, but I actually appreciateit because when you do get together.
You really cherish the time you havetogether. Sometimes when people are around each
other all the time, they starttaking each other for granted or you know,

(10:13):
just not really spending quality time.Um. So he said that,
you know, that keeps them engaged, it keeps them excited when they're they
miss each other. But it's allone of the funny points. Yeah.
And one of the funniest things hesaid though, is that his partner does
not think he's funny. He doesn'tHe does not laugh at any of his

(10:37):
jokes. And so that's and that'sthe thing. And for everyone who's listening
and tuning in right now, goback right now, download dating app disasters,
podcasts, iTunes, Spotify, couldget it on all podcast platforms.
Listen to this episode because I listenedto it too. Is great because the
fact that he said that he doesn'tthink he's funny. See, I would
have a lot of people write inand say, what do you do when
your partner doesn't believe in your dreamsor your craft? Right? Do you

(11:00):
take it personal? Do you letit affect a relationship? And that's interesting
that he's okay with the fact thathen'thing he's funny. That's insane too.
Well, well, he does notbelieve in his dream. That that's different.
Okay, so he does believe inhim. He just doesn't think like
if you and I met him inreal life. Like to me, I've
always thought he was hilarious. ButI bet you that keeps him a little

(11:24):
bit grounded to know that he doesn'tlook at him as necessarily a celebrity or
whatever. He's just a regular person. They're just regular people to each other.
You know. That's so maybe thatworks in his favor. Who knows.
I love that. Speaking of okay, relationships in general and kind of
mixing pleasure and business, I wantto know your take on it. What

(11:46):
do you think about that? Youknow, people who are in the workplace
together and fall for each other,but also their careers are important to them.
What are your what's your advice?What are your tips on how to
handle it? Right? That is? That is tough because it's like you
are not speaking about so much specificJust so you know, I'm just kidding.

(12:09):
Everybody has this issue, everybody totally. Because you you you you start
to bond with the people you're aroundmost, so it's like, what are
you supposed to do? But Ithink I think it can be somewhat of
a conflict of interest because especially ifyou're in the exact same industry and one
person starts succeeding at a faster rate, it can cause maybe some jealousy or

(12:33):
resentment. Um, I think itcan work if you're in the same industry
but maybe not doing the same thing. Oh, that's a good point.
So, like let's say an actorand a comedian, because you're both performers,
you can both still relate to eachother, but there's no competition,

(12:54):
and it's unfortunate that it is thatway. You would hope that it isn't
that two people can be doing thesame thing and they just love and support
each other and conditionally. But Ithink it's tough. Yeah, especially yeah,
because you're not working as a team, you're working to gain success individual.
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subscriptions and finances. Now back tothe podcast. Yes, and I think

(17:44):
jealousy in general. I think inany I was dating a guy and he
was very upset about me doing comedy, and there was always like a jealousy
competitive thing, even though he wasn'tin comedy. It was weird. It
was almost like you're getting ahead inyour career or you're doing what you love,
I guess, and you're doing whatyou want, and I think it
kind of scared him. And itwasn't just me. A lot of my
friends at the time were letting meknow like their significant other wasn't really standing

(18:07):
by them or weren't dimidated by thesuccess they have. Like, I guess,
what's your tips If someone's going throughlike they really like someone and they
want to work it out, butthey feel like there's this disconnect, you
know, like the constant competition,well that is that is hard because I
just feel like if someone's going tobe threatened by your career, they're not

(18:30):
the one for you. The ittend to be very cut and dry about
certain things. I know there's alot of gray area, especially if if
there's like a long history or along bond that you have, But I
mean, why would you want someonethat's not supportive of your career. You
want to be able to share yourbiggest moments with them and they genuinely be
excited for you, And if theycan't be, that's really really tough.

(18:52):
Yeah, Like I would just Iwould say, maybe this is not the
situation for you. Yeah, Ithink people listening should also, Like I
think people stay in things too longtoo because they're scared to admit, right,
Yeah, this isn't what I orto let go. I think we
talked about this and go right isreally hard in general. Well yeah,

(19:12):
I mean it also it just dependson how long you've been together. But
Phil and I actually talked about thisthis week on our on our coming podcast
is That, And he said,it's the devil you know. It's it's
the devil you know versus the devilyou don't know. And everybody comes with
shit, right, It's just aboutthe shit that you can deal with.

(19:33):
So I don't know, but Ithink people really need to start focusing on
being finding happiness within yourself and notfrom another person. And I had to
go through that. That was tough. When you don't have happiness or you
don't have good thing, positive thingsin your life going on, and another

(19:53):
person starts giving you like tastes ofhappiness, it can become very addictive and
you want to cling on to that. But that person when they leave,
you're fucked. Yeah, and thenyou have more attachment or detachment issue.
You're like, oh God, whatdo I do with my life? What
do I do? Yeah? Yeah, So you have to learn to be
good on your own and then thatwill create the atmosphere for the best relationship

(20:18):
that you could possibly have a man. You see how brilliant my friend is.
Guys, you see, I'm gonnastart trying. It's fine. Well,
speaking of speaking of that, whydon't we talk about also some of
the audience. The cool thing aboutyour podcast is guys. You guys can
DM Rachel on Instagram. Rachel,where can they follow you? Right now?
And the podcast? So they couldDM you and Phil Um. You

(20:41):
can definitely send us emails Dating AppDisasters podcast at gmail dot com. I
know it's the longest, most annoyingemail, but m or you could just
DM us a Dating App Disasters wereon Instagram. We love hearing your stories.
Oh my god, they're the best. We had a whole episode where
we read stories last week that's comingout out on Tuesday, and I mean,

(21:03):
I thought I had it bad.You guys have it worse because,
oh my god, these stories thatcome in, I'm like, what um,
But they are so fun and I'mglad that I'm not the one that
experienced them. But we love toread them. And you can either write
an anonymously or you can we canshout out your Instagram. But we love
it. Can you share one oflike the worst stories. There's a shocking

(21:26):
story that you're like, oh mygod, Oh well, okay, so
we have a couple, We havea couple of crazy things that actually have
happened. We had one story wherewe had to do a cease and desist,
right because we had someone come onthe podcast. He actually came on
the podcast and he was living witha woman that he loved very much,

(21:52):
and he this woman had children andshe had left her husband for him.
He was talking shit about her kidson our podcast, not knowing her ex
husband was stalking him and recorded thepodcast and sent it to her entire family
grandmother and grandfather and all. You'rekidding. So basically he ruined his life

(22:18):
by by by doing that. Andit's unfortunate because he he I mean it
was. It was a very entertainingpodcast, but um, it's unfortunate.
Uh So, so yeah, Imean you're gonna go on podcast, guys,
maybe don't like, let's say hereyour whole or right, Yeah,
I mean you can. But he'slike, yeah, to share like her

(22:40):
leaving her husband and that's like acrazy story, that's like an episode of
More, you know what I mean? Yes, and then yeah, just
the the Yeah, he was notspeaking highly of her children, and he
did it as a joke, andI think that it was it came across
that way, But to the specificpeople that heard it, I'm sure it
did not come off well. Yeah, I mean just we have also so

(23:00):
many, so many people calling inand writing in about the latest one.
Um, this woman went on adate with a man and went back to
his apartment and he took off hisclothes and he had a fourteen inch penis.
Is that even possible? Don't know, don't know. I don't know
how she knew the whole actual measurements. Why do guys think that, like

(23:23):
we want to see their dicks rightaway and we need I don't know,
it's not I don't know. Wedon't want to see that. We need
to build up, you know,we need to build up a little kissing,
a little Hey, let me takeoff your brah, let me think
like, we do not want youstanding there naked, full frontal with your
dick when we just first met you. You know what I mean. Well,

(23:44):
this is the thing that not evenI thought take me on a jet
or yeah, I'm sorry, Iwould rob. I thought about this.
I did think about this specific thing. I think if you are that that
huge, right, if you're thatendowed, you might have to present it
early, you know, because youwant to see if you because you're like,
I'm not gonna waste the whole bunchof time if the girl can't handle

(24:06):
me. Don't you know what thisreminds me of? You know that episode
and Sex in the City when Samanthacan't hear ye with the big Yeah,
She's like, oh funny, Imean I've done big, but this is
too big. Yeah, I rememberthat. I remember that. Oh my
god, I I would think areal problem girls have. Yeah, it
has to be just right and youhave to know how to work it.
Yes, yes, you got tolike the guy. If you like the

(24:26):
guy, like, if you're reallyinto the guy and he knows how to
work it, that is you're digmatized. You know, that's a dangerous zone
to be in. That is adangerous zone to be in. Fourteen inches.
So he was just standing there andhe's like, come suck my dick.
Um. Yes, he did saythat. He did say that.

(24:48):
Oh wait, wait, are youready for how she flipped it? Are
you ready for how she flipped it, so she's like, you know,
would really turn me on seeing yousuck your own dick. What a badass?
That is badass. Don't tell mehe did. He tried. She
she was like, I can helpyou. And then she went over and

(25:11):
pushed his back down so that hedid it because I guess he was so
desperate to maybe get some because theyhad maybe been a long time. She
pushed him so hard he got amuscle cramp and he was stuck there,
and then she left him there.That is the visual right now, The

(25:32):
visual is priceless. That is thecrazy left him there and walked out the
door. See, these are thethings. It's the uncomfortableness. So it's
not even about like how crazy,how not crazy. It's almost like I'm
such an awkward person. I wouldn'teven know what to do in that situation.
Oh, I would be so awkward. I wouldn't even play a long
you know what I mean. Imean, I don't know. I mean,

(25:56):
yes, yes, there's definitely beenmoments for me, but now I
think I'm at the point in mylife where I've experienced so much that I'm
damn near ready for anything. SoI like, I'm like I'm gonna make
this a moment. I'm going tolike yeah, like she was like I'm
taking control of the situation, andshe did. So it's like we gotta

(26:17):
take our control. We gotta takeour control any first dating to like first
date tips, so like a lotof us, we get really nervous to
go on that first date and youknow, like, I guess, what
are your tips to calm down orin general, just like how to deal
with the date because a lot oftimes I think girls don't get asked out
the second time because like they dothings that they shouldn't be doing on the

(26:38):
first date that they'll do on thesecond or the third, or they get
too comfortable, you know what Imean. I would say, first and
foremost, just be yourself and don'tthat And who are you telling that too?
Well, yeah, yeah, Iguess I can't. But when people
say that, it's like, really, because when you're yourself, a lot
of times you push people. Well, I'm not saying to overdo it.

(27:02):
I'm saying to just I guess WhenI say that, what I really mean
is just take a deep breath,calm become and don't have any expectations.
Honestly, I know this this mightsound bad, but kind of expect the
worst, because if you expect theworst, right, and then he wants
up actually not catfishing you and beingthe guy that shows up on the date

(27:25):
or actually is great and engaging inconversation, then you'll be pleasantly surprised.
So I always just say, expectthe worst to become, be yourself,
and whatever is going to be isgoing to be chef's kiss. I love
that. What a great advice.You're a g You're right, You're right,
Oh and am I I don't know. We need to take that advice

(27:49):
because a lot of times we don'trealize that. A lot of times we
rush into things, we become obsessed, we become infatuated, and then we're
overthinking things. You know. Alot of times we do that and then
we ruin a chance for either agood relationship or another good date. Right.
Well, so if you want veryspecific things right, just know you

(28:11):
are not going to have it rightnow. You have to take the time
and energy. You don't want toend up in the wrong situation. Listen,
I'm i am. I don't wantto say the sounds and ages me,
but I'm of a certain age,I just don't happen to want children
or me like, I'm open tomarriage, but I don't need to get
married. So a lot of womenfeel that pressure. And when you feel

(28:34):
that pressure, if you go intothe date projecting that, you're automatically sabotaging
yourself. So you just go intoa first date, have and have fun.
Just have fun, that's it,even if even if the fucking date
is bad. Just have fun.Just make a joke of it, get

(28:57):
a free drink, get a mellwhatever, and then keep it moving.
Everybody is not for everybody. Ilove that. Yeah, and it's not
personal most of the time. Exactlyexactly, but most of the time it's
not. Yeah, it's just thatperson doesn't fit that person, or that's
you know, you don't vibe mesh. Well, yeah, I mean,

(29:18):
just come into it with the leastamount of expectations you can have and just
enjoy yourself because then if someone elsesees that you're enjoying yourself, they'll be
able to let their guard down andenjoy themselves too. Yes, agreed.
Talking about tips, what do youthink is I guess what are tips for
like a longevity relationship? Right,So you're starting to date someone you want

(29:41):
to you want to build it intosomething long term. What are maybe one
or two tips you would say,hmm, you should do so. I've
kind of had situations like that happenedin my own life, but kind of
our mistake. But the one consistentthing in those situations that had happened for
me was that it was a friendshipfirst. So I wouldn't you know,

(30:04):
a lot of money. A lotof people have been debating me on this
too. It's like, you know, is it okay? I know people
want to base it on friendship,right, But then when you base it
on friendship, sometimes the guy orthe girl gets too comfortable saying it's a
friendship, and then where's the relationship? Right? Even though it's label like,
so, when do we become girlfriendand boyfriend? And when do we

(30:26):
become you know, when do wetake it to the next level right,
that it's a relationship not just afriendship. See, I'm a little old
school in this mentality, right,And you might disagree with me. I
feel like the man has to dothat if a man, if a man
is truly comfortable with you, youwill know and he will he will lock

(30:48):
it down, right, so Ikind of feel like you can't ever pressure
a man to do anything because ifyou try to, he will resume you.
He will feel trapped, and thatis the last thing you want anyone
to feel, man or woman.So this might be a little old school
and mentality. I go back andforth with things that I am progressive about

(31:11):
and things that I'm traditional about.But um, I don't know. I
just feel like you should never forceanyone, like someone should be with you
because they want to, not becausethey have to. Like I'm traditional in
that sense, but I'm also evenmore progressive in a sense that I actually
I'm not bound by titles. Thismight be even a little bit more controversial,

(31:36):
but I don't think titles guarantee stabilityor or security is more the word
I'm looking for loyalty. I thinkthat's why cheating is so prevalent. I
think I think people get some typeof a thrill from breaking a rule.

(31:56):
So if there's no rule to breakright and people are just genuinely there because
they want to be there and theydon't feel pressure to live in a certain
box, then I think you willprobably get the result that you want.
I'm writing this shit down notes areyou guys taking these notes? That's so

(32:20):
true. So I don't know,because that goes against most things that we
are taught as women, right,We're taught to be like, no,
you have to have ye all thesethings and and always communicating you have to
change this, and I need youto do this, and I need you
not to do this. And it'slike, yeah, that does make someone.
I mean, I feel like Iwould resent someone if they did that
to me too. So thinking aboutthat can really help either save your relationship

(32:44):
or just move to the next levelbefore you you know, nag a person,
you know what I mean? AndI guess that's where you're saying friendships,
you know, that's a good tip, Like you got to start as
friends, right, there's a differentrespect level. So like if you look
at it this way, if youjust started gaining a guy, right,
and then it goes to a relationshipnumber one, you know that whole six

(33:05):
month role, like you don't reallyknow anyone. You don't start to know
anyone till six months in because they'rethey're showing you their best foot, right,
So you can only keep up thatbassade for so long. But when
you're friends, it's a different comfortlevel, So they're going to show you
those maybe uncomfortable things early on.I'm not saying complete friendship. I don't
have this thing where I don't knowif you know, women, but they

(33:29):
can develop an attraction later on.Oh yeah, I have not yet experienced
that. I've experienced that. It'smy ex boyfriend. He was my best
sergeant, but he's my best friendfrom high school, best friend, Like
no one ever thought we would everever be together. I would never look
at anything like that because I alwayshad other boyfriends. And then when I

(33:50):
was it was after Princesses, whichwas twenty fourteen, I was, I
was like twenty seven, and wejust reconnected, like we were always close,
we were best friends in college,responds, with our twenties whatever,
throughout our relationships, we reconnected andwe just started like hanging out a lot,
and then that led to dating.So yeah, I mean that could
happen, Like I had attraction forhim later on. I never thought I

(34:12):
would because we were like hanging outeven more and so you had never you
had never had attraction to him beforethen. No, it's interesting. Yeah,
yeah, a lot of girls coulddo that. I feel I haven't
experienced that. I think the friendsthat I wound up being with I did
have a little bit of an attractionthere, but I don't think that it
was a thing that I thought wasgoing to happen. So I just kind

(34:35):
of put the whole romantic aspect outof my mind and let it be a
friendship and it naturally evolved into somethingmore on the romantic side. But I
think that works for me because Idon't have a specific timeline of where I
want things to be in regards toa man. At certain points, I

(34:58):
think it does get a little trickierif you have goals of having children and
marriage and these things. So Iget it, I get having to maybe
speed up the process a little bitmore, but I just I don't know.
It worries me because I think sometimeswhen you do that, you can
wind up settling for someone that isn'tmaybe the right one for you. Right.

(35:22):
Well, I also think, Imean, I want to have your
take on boundaries, right because whenyou are dating someone and you don't know
where you stand and you don't communicateright Like a lot of friends of mine
are like, oh, I'm seeingthis guy. We're just having sex,
but I really really like him andI want more, and I don't know
how to tell him more because I'mthe cool girl. And that's how we

(35:43):
got to this position, right becauseI was chill, I was fun,
and we were just having fun,and now I want something more. I
don't want him to hook up withother girls. So that's a fine line
of Like I always tell my girls, I'm like, you have to tell
him that this is who you areand you can't continue having sex without a
commitment, right, Because when youtell guys that, a lot of times
they understand that. All right,if I want to sleep with her or

(36:05):
I want this, I need tohave more of a commitment, you know
what I mean. I can't bein limbo. I mean, do you
feel like girls should say that,or even guys, if they like a
girl, that they should say thatwhat they want in the beginning. Well,
I think a lot of women thisis another controversial thing. A lot
of women lie to themselves, right. They go into a situation where they
start sleeping with a guy and theythink that they can handle it, and

(36:27):
then when you start engaging in sexand intimacy, you will catch feelings.
If it's a repetitive thing, it'snot if it's like a couple of times
whatever, it doesn't matter. Butif you keep going with it, there
will be feelings that come with that. So if you know that you're the
type of woman or person that can'thandle just a sex situation, then you

(36:50):
have to be honest with yourself.If in the back of your mind you
actually want commitment, don't start havingsex so quickly. But if you just
look at a stroke, if you'rejust look at a stroke, just go
stroke. But it's unfortunate how men'sminds work. They're not really gonna look
at the good time girl as therelationship girl. Yeah, they're very complimentalized,

(37:15):
like they can categorize not like us. He literally felt like I said,
like my ex, my former ormy ex best friend boyfriend. I
was able later on to see somethingpast. A girl can see that,
you can have a moment, youcan have a bonding moment. The person
could be there for you and yousee them in a whole different light.
But guys can say this girl willalways be a horror, I will never

(37:37):
transition her or my horror, orshe'll never be my girlfriend, or she'll
never be my wife, or she'llalways be the side chick. Or whatever.
The you know lingo their you knowwhat it is, you know,
and sometimes you don't even know you'rethe side chick. Like I had a
friend. I had a friend.I could not believe this. She was
a side chick for ten years.Ten years. She knew ever knew,

(38:00):
we knew, no one ever knew. It was like the it's like a
crazy story. She it was aguy that she was dating, um in
London, and he was really reallyrich and and like but like pretended to
be the best boyfriend, like coveredhis tracks and the whole time he was
married with three kids, not goto his house ever. He never knew.

(38:22):
And she, I mean because shewas the cool girl and she was
a chill girl and she was theI don't ask questions and yeah, whatever
we are, we are and soa lot of that story, that's kind
of story scares a lot of people, you know, of like do I
tell people what I want? DoI just keep it a secret? Keep
it go? She should definitely beasking questions, like yeah, like that's

(38:43):
like I asked her too, Likeyou should be asking questions. Ten years,
you should have gone to someone's houseat least one time, you know
what I mean, well, heno, he had an apartment, but
it was in the city, separateapartment. So it's very easy when you're
you know, to like like livea double life. I guess, I
don't know. It's just wow,dating is hard. Dating is hard.

(39:06):
That's why these questions are just hard. I mean, like, there's no
answer. I feel you listen,most people, hopefully you, anyone should
know what their limitations are, right, Everyone's different than what they're willing to
accept and what not to accept.But just know what your limitations are.
And if you're feeling something and youshould be able to express it. I'm

(39:31):
not saying be combative, but ifyou're feeling something, hopefully the person's open
to receiving it, and if they'renot, then that's the answer to your
question. Okay, so it's friendshipcommunication. And what's one more you would
say friendship communication? What are youtalking like a tip? Yeah, for

(39:53):
a long term relationship, for along term I'm not an expert in these
things, kidding, Friendship communication effort. It has to be effort on both
people's part, and if it's not, then it's it's just you have to

(40:14):
you have to exit. You haveto exit the premise um and if you're
just not if something doesn't serve youand it doesn't make you happy, you
have to be able to be comfortablewith yourself enough to walk away and say,
you know what, I might notfind this again for a while,
but I'm at least good with myselfto know that this situation isn't serving me

(40:37):
and that something better will come along. Yeah, instead of resenting the person
that you had something with your youknow yeah, yeah that never that never
gets better. It doesn't like,the resentment just grows and then it just
it becomes toxic. And yeah,I would say I think people are are
forgiving and they do give a lotof chances. But if you trust your

(41:00):
gut and you pay attention to redflags, the sooner you cut it off,
the better there you go. Listento pay attention to those red flags.
Guys. Okay, let's transition intomental health. So when people are
doing like going through a breakup oryou know, they're dating for six months,
it's going well, and then theperson says, you know, this
isn't working out mental health wise,what are you know? How would you

(41:22):
cope with it? Oh? Howdo you cope with it? I guess
right, cope with mental health asfar as what like with someone like how
to really deal with you know,if you're depressed or attachment issues or I
mean you have to give yourself time, like that's that's going to be a

(41:43):
given. Right When you break up, it is going to feel probably like
a death. You are going tomiss that person, You're going to think
about that person all the time,You're going to cry, and all of
that is okay, and all ofthat is necessary to heal. What do

(42:04):
they say if your relationship is ayear, it takes six months. If
your relationships months, it takes threemonths to get over. You know,
I just say, I just sayto myself what I've said to myself.
I've gotten through this week. Ican get through the next week, and
next week it'll be a little biteasier. Yeah. I also tell my
audience like, and I'm trying todo this myself in therapy, like take

(42:27):
day by day, moment by moment, especially with the person you're seeing or
dating. I'm working on it myself. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite
because I'm like a psycho, likeI want everything now, and I'm like,
you're my fucking husband, you know, and he's like, no,
I'm not even your fucking person,so shut up. But like you have
to take like minute by minute,I think, and that's the hardest part.
It's like what you said, enjoyingthat person, you know what I

(42:47):
mean? Enjoy that person and justalso pay attention will help you pay attention
to the good moments, right,pay attention to like, there's gonna be
bad days and there's gonna be soreally try to focus on the good ones
and know that when the bad onescome and be like, oh, yesterday
I had a really good day,So I bet you next week I'm going
to have some more good days.So just look try to look forward to

(43:09):
that. I know it's hard whenyou're in the moment crying and you have
no rationalization whatsoever, but it willheal and you will get past it and
you will be stronger, and youthen can pay to the things that you've
learned from it and not the negative. I love that. That's great,
No, that's really great advice.I want. Then the audience here,

(43:30):
you know, we have a similaraudience to you guys, like they're always
looking for advice and tips and they'renot they don't know how to date in
the big city because in the cityeveryone's always looking for the next best thing.
Or that's just the message, that'sjust what society is teaching us,
right, like, oh, youweren't good enough for this day. Now
I'm going to go on hinge againand see if there's someone hotter or physically,
mentally, emotionally. Right, ghostinghas become the normal, so let's

(43:53):
talk about that. So right,ghosting has become the r And by the
way, I just want to putit out there that, like, ghosting
in general is just not cool.You don't do that with a friend,
you don't do that with employee,you don't do that with a guy or
a girl you like. I thinkit's best as much as it hurts to
tell someone, give someone closure,Right, Hey, I really like you,
but I don't think this is goingto work out. And this is

(44:13):
why I'm not going to continue askingyou out that way, you close that
chapter and you don't feel like you'rewondering, you know, well we did.
We talked about this last week withour episode. Har Yeah, I
love him, Oh my god.He gave us a lot of insight on
that. And men have this thingand I see it as cowardly. Right.

(44:35):
I'm always like, yes, tellme why that so I can fix
it for the next person. Ifif I'm doing something and I'm not even
conscious of it, I want toknow. Right, some women are some
women are sensitive, and they andthey don't want to hear the truth.
But I think men are so afraidto hurt our feelings. Yes, they're
so afraid, but then they becomethe asshole by not doing that. Well

(44:58):
that this is another thing, sothey expect Okay, yeah, they're reasoning
for that too. They would ratherhave us hate them or be mad at
them than to be sad, whichmakes no sense, no does it does.
It's like my mom, It's likeshe wants the best for me deep
down, so she gives me toughlove, but then I end up sucking

(45:20):
resenting her. So what does itmatter? Do you know what I'm saying?
It's like I get the intention,but what is the intention is that?
How does that intention equal anything?Because anger anyways equals sadness eventually,
right? Yeah, I don't.I don't know. I don't get the
logic from it. I do.I have noticed throughout my life different guy
friends or guys They're like, theyhate seeing women cry, so they're so

(45:44):
scared to hurt to woman's feelings,so they would rather just ghost them or
and not deal with it than tojust be honest and be a man about
it. But um, yeah,I don't know. I think it's just
it's just become way too easy toghost. Do you ghost if you don't
like someone? Or do you I'mnot gonna say I have it. I'm

(46:06):
not gonna sam. I guess Ido see the benefit of ghosting, though
it is easier to deal with.It is easy, it is. But
um, because I did, Idid. I started taking my own advice.
I want to on a date withthis guy. Oh I felt so
bad after, but I was like, you know what of the n eternal
over new Leaf? I told thisguy why I did not like him on
his birthday. Rachel classic Rachel.Not only is she blunt, not only

(46:32):
she blunt every day guys, buton this gentleman's birthday, she decided,
Yeah, I couldn't have my birthdaytomorrow. I couldn't. Um. Yeah,
it was in person, you werejust like it was it was over
the phone. It was over thephone. He was like, I just
was not I was not feeling him. Um, but he was a nice

(46:52):
guy and he was like trying tomake plans and all these things, and
I was just like, yeah,I don't I don't want. I'm trying
to be honest with you. Ijust don't think you're you're we're compatible.
And he literally fought me on it. He literally we were having a whole
debate and he's like, I disagreeand all these things, and I was

(47:14):
like, now I get it.Now why guys? Now I get why
guys do this because they don't wantto debate about the right. They don't
want to debate, and they don'twant to debate, especially with someone they
don't really like or interested in,which is also hard to right. It's
hard to hear when you like someone, you have a question someone you're like,
oh my god, I'm gonna goon a second date, and then

(47:34):
they're like not really into you.Right, it's hard to hear that.
And like what if what if thereason that you don't like them is like
really insulting to them? Right?So, like what if you don't like
a guy because he's not that smart, or he's just dry or not funny,
or there's just nothing there, andhe's just like a blank slate.
How do you tell somebody that you'reright? You're right? So it is

(47:58):
easier ghosts, it is. Thereare great areas with ghosting, I agree,
where whereas everyone's like, no,I think you need closure. I
think that's the right thing to do. But I get why guys no.
I get why guys do it tooin a way. I mean, it's
not very fist feminist of me tosay, but it is true. I
mean, it's a people thing.It's not a guy thing or a girl
thing. It's a human nature thingof like you don't want to deal with

(48:21):
something at that moment because you don'tfeel that it's going to benefit you,
or you feel like it's just goingto be a problem for you. Sometimes
walking away and ignoring it is thebest thing too. Well, yeah,
and I will Yeah, I guessit really does depend on the circumstance.
I've dealt with guys. And therewas like one or two guys that I
actually met on an app that Ireally vibed with and I wound up getting

(48:45):
ghosted and I found out later itis because they had a girl. It
is unfortunate that it's a girl whodoes this like they need. Guys do
this though you have someone, it'slike so weird to me. I'm gonna
tell you why. Because men needconstant validation from the women in order to
feel want it. That's weird.It is our behavior. It's very sociopathic.

(49:07):
And I have a very passionate lenson this because because that's psychotic for
a human being to want constant attentionby other human beings that don't know what
the fuck they're doing themselves, tohave validation. That's what I'm going to
give you. Listen, I'm gonnaget secure, and you know me,
I'm insecure. I need validation,but not to that extent where I need

(49:29):
every hot guy at the bar tolook at me or every hot person to
flirt with me or hit on mefor me to feel like on the ship.
You know. Well, I'm gonnagive you that, right, I'm
gonna give you a different sign right. So, women, we get approached
all the time for the most part, either we get cat called on the
street or like some little some randomass doo it will give us a compliment

(49:52):
or whatever like that. So wedo get that validation, but we don't
go after it. Men have togo after or the validation because women are
not approaching them on the street.Women are not generally coming up to them
and complimenting them on their appearance ortheir looks, or their talent or these
things. So I get it toa certain extent. It's just about how

(50:16):
far you take it. Like it'scool to have if you flirt with the
girl on a nap. I'm notsaying it's right, but as long as
you don't pursue it, right,But if you are going on dates with
that person and having engaging in realconversation, and then it becomes just deceitful.
So I'm not saying either the firstpart is okay either, But I'm

(50:38):
saying because we get the constant validationfrom men all the time, we're not
outwardly seeking it, they don't getit from us for the most part.
Right, you can understand, Right, you can understand why a guy would
do that. Now I could also, and I also say to my guy
friends, like what would be cooler? What I think guys don't know that
girls know, correct me if I'mwrong, is if men are listening to

(51:00):
this, which I know you straightguys are secretly um a man like if
you pretend like you don't care andyou aren't trying to seek the validation.
So like buy pretty girls come ina room and you treat them all equally.
You're polite, but you're not tryingto seek like attention. They're going
to throw themselves at you more thatyou're unavailable or seem or appear to be

(51:22):
unavailable and confident and like you don'teven want to look their way. Because
what drives a pretty girl the mostcrazy or a package girl is this guy,
whether he's powerful or not powerful,is not paying attention to me,
and he seems like he's about hisbusiness and nothing in the world can stop
that. I think that's and thenthey throw themselves at you, so it

(51:43):
actually works in the guy's favor.I mean, that's a trust, that
is a secret, and I've beengiving that advice to my guy friends forever.
I'mlike, stop being a thirst bucket. The moment you stop being a
thirst bucket. Phil Bucket No notokay that I thought you were talking about

(52:06):
Phil. That my co host.But he's a whole different I don't even
know what category to play him now. Guys, don't dam him. He
has a million girlfriend at least he'shonest about it, though he is,
I think for the moment. It'sMonday, it's Tuesday, Vish is Wednesday.
Hey. But you know, buthe doesn't make any any any false

(52:31):
promises exactly, so I will givehim. I will give him that,
yes, yes, um, butI think to Phil's credit, not that
I want to give him any buthe is he can be very charming,
and he is fun. He isfun to be around, right, He
doesn't take things too serious. Hemakes a joke out of everything, women

(52:54):
love to laugh. Um, andhe's just so he sees as one of
are other guests called them a socialcreature, and I think women are going
to automatically be drawn to that.Um. But yeah, thirsty though,
right right, who's not thirsty orjust about his business and doesn't Yeah,

(53:14):
that's it. That's something that willhelp you absolutely. But yeah, you
hit the nail on the head man. Just we are always always drawn to
the aloof guy always um, theugliest motherfucker in the room. I mean
no, but it's really I'm justsaying. But like also men and women,

(53:35):
it's different, Like men are moreshallow than women are about I think
than men well speak for yourself.But I'm quite shallow. No, like
I only date male models. Imean, well, you know my restrictions.
We've talked about this. What areno, let's share it with everyone.
What are your This always gets mein trouble. I I and I

(53:59):
have my very specific methods to findout if the person has the characteristics then
I can deal with. Well,first of all, I used to be
very into very very tall guys,right, so now I've lowered my standard
to six more nice okay, sixfoot, maybe you're super cool whatever,
But then circumcision there has to beclipped. Actually crazy, that's okay.

(54:25):
I mean, I'm okay with either, but okay, go on, all
right, well that's great, andI very much appreciate the woman that can
do that. I am don't knowwhere this the adversion to it comes from,
but I this has always been somethingthat's been a thing for me.
So I have very strategic questions.I asked to be So you ask someone
if they are or not with thestrategic question before you see it, I

(54:46):
will make sure that they are bornin a specific country or region. Okay,
No, it doesn't even have tobe about race, because if you
think about it, like most Europeansdon't get right. Yeah, most West
Indian or Caribbean men don't get clipped. Um so but if they're born here,

(55:06):
they're more than likely they are.So it's fine. Race doesn't matter
to me. Oh that's smart.I didn't realize, did I can realize
that? Yeah? Okay, soyeah, I mean that. I guess
those are my superficial kind of likeyou. Yeah, like do you have
like a type like blonde, blueeyes brown? As long as you have
an interesting face and eyes are reallybig to me? Yes, person,

(55:31):
I feel like, like, whatare the traits you're looking for? Also,
well, this is where I amscrewed in a sense dating wise,
right, because I don't want todate comics. But I work at a
comedy club. So but I'm usedto comedians having very interesting minds and are
great at conversation. So when Igo out with a corporate guy, per

(55:53):
se or a guy that works inan office all day, the conversation is
going to be very different, andI'm gonna get bored really quick. So
I mean not all I'm generalizing,you know, but if you're living,
have have feedback towards that, orthey know some interesting corporate guys, let
me know, I just get toeat any slide into her DMS. Are

(56:15):
you single? Would you say yoursingle? Right now? Uh? Yeah,
I would say I'm single. Iguess yeah, you're out there,
I'm I'm I'm dating. I I'mdating. Yes, that's amazing. So
yeah, slide into her DMS.Oh boy, oh boy? What the
fuck? I am here to talkabout my podcast, not to do no,

(56:36):
no, no, no no no, it's like it's fine, No,
it's fine. What. I wouldlove to hear stories about the podcast.
But if you feel so enthralled tosend me a message, go for
it. But so, yeah,that's interesting. Comedians. Yeah, that's
they are they you know, theycan stimulate you. They're always they're driven.
Mh. They have a lot tooffer. They're funny, right,
So you're gonna definitely get along withsomeone like that more than someone who's dry.

(57:00):
Yes, because I can only pullteeth so hard, you know what
I mean? Yeah? Yeah,of course, yeah, yes, you
can only pull teeth, yes,physically, figuratively whatever that's saying mentally physically.
Okay, wait, so before wewrap up, okay, we want
to know what you think, whatyou suggest? So schanel In the city

(57:21):
audience. We talk about the hottestspots. We talk about where to check
out, you know, restaurants forfood. What would you suggest for a
date night? First date night?We always get these questions, where do
I go? What do I suggest? Something on a budget? Something hit
you know, um wow, Okay, So there's always cool things to do

(57:44):
right that pop up in the city. So I would say, there's like
a there's a great um email websitethat I get emails from every day.
It's called Thrillistrillist, Yes, thrillists. Every week they send emails about cool
things that are happening in the cityright so, and most of them are
either free or like next to nocost. Nice, Like it could be

(58:07):
an art exhibit, it could bethe coffee festival, it could be like
that. Yeah, like it guys, listen up. This is you don't
need to spend so much money totake someone out or go with someone.
You can totally boring first date,like find fun, excating things to do.
I'm like, listen, it's freezingout right now, but I'm super

(58:27):
big, like on the spring,Like I love to be outside or take
a walk, Like you could haven'tjust drink outside of out cafe or just
walk with a coffee or something likethat. I'm not big on like first
date dinners a lot. Okay,let's talk about this. Yesterday literally,
I was hanging out with some femalecomedians and they were saying that too,
like I will absolutely not, AndI'm like, why, what's the big

(58:49):
deal? And they don't want tosit through the conversation. I guess if
they don't like the person, you'restuck there for a minimum of an hour.
You're stuck that the biggest deal.So you get to talk to some
of them for an hour? AmI just like ridiculous? Or I feel
like that. You know why Ido it because we come from a modern
Orthodox family, so we've been trainedlike the guy has to take you out
for a full meal, and hehas to walk you to your place,

(59:09):
and he has to be a gentleman, like you know, it's not like
just a drink, and that's whereyou know. I it's great, and
I think that that did apply.I just don't. I don't think those
rules apply to current to the currentyou know, lifestyle of today's today.

(59:30):
I have been stuck in horrible dinnersright like my first tender date that I
told you about. I was stuckwith him through a dinner and I just
the whole time, I was justlike, I want to get the fuck
out of here. So I wouldhave rather just had a quick drink or
a coffee or take a walk oreven a FaceTime just to get an idea

(59:52):
of Like, it's good to hearsomeone's voice. It's good to hear see
how they move their tone, eyecontact, you know, things like that,
um that you can't just get froma picture if it's an app true.
No, that's a that's a that'sa that's a true observation. So
I'm like just thinking if I wasat dinner right now, Thank god I

(01:00:15):
am in something and not dating,because it's fucking horrible out there. Oh
are we talking about that? Andthen it's uh, we are talking about
you today? No, right,I don't know if I'm ready to come
out in public. Just yeah,I mean, I'm getting back I am.
We're gonna be like, you're gonnabe like, wait, you're you're
dating someone? How did I missthis? Like what I mean, We'll

(01:00:37):
see what happens. But yes,I mean something I'm happy with. But
oh, that's I'm very happy tohear that Yeah, I just sa Rachel
Jolson. But a lot of youaren't gonna know about it because that happens.
But you know, that's the thingis, it's really hard to date
out there. So when you findsomeone you don't want to lose that you

(01:00:57):
don't want to give it up.So yeah, important to you know,
cherish it or whatever or absolutely,yeah, especially when it's new and it's
so exciting and you know, youreally like enjoying each other and stuff.
It's super fun. But I think, like I like to say, if
I'm psycho and then want to burnhis house down, you know, no,
but I'm getting sure, sure,but yeah, go on, sorry,

(01:01:28):
No, I just think I thinkit is. It is interesting.
It's a dynamic that you had todeal with that I didn't have to deal
with because I did not grow upin a modern Orthodox so I was not
you are programmed in a sense tobelieve these certain things have to happen in
orders for it to be yes thatyou need. But it doesn't. It's
not really the case anymore. Ihad to have and we have to be

(01:01:49):
reminded of that that it's not aboutold school tradition really any anymore. You
know, times have changed, andwe have to change with the times,
not all of them. I thinkif something is really really important to you,
then you should keep it. Butyou should also not feel like you
need to be stuck in something becauseyou know, people are always changing,

(01:02:10):
they're always evolving, and you aretoo. Yeah, and it's okay,
too right, It's okay to evolveand change, and you have to.
You have to. That's the wholepoint of life, you know, to
change and evolve and become better andlearn from our mistakes. So you know,
just I would just say, likein dating realm, if I could

(01:02:32):
summon up in one thing, havefun, even with the bad stuff,
have fun and make a joke outof it, and just learn from every
experience. And really that's it.I love that. That's amazing. Let's
talk about one thing. I wantto get your your opinion on catfishing,

(01:02:53):
because a lot of our audience,you know, they end up undids and
they end up getting catfish. Likethat's happened to me actually before. But
whatever, we won't get into that. Yeah, the person does not look
and I'm just like in the carand I'm like, wait a minute,
you just lie to me, doI say? Something right now, or
do I just go through this dinnerlike nothing happened. But that's why you

(01:03:15):
don't go to dinner. That's whyyou have That's why you don't go to
dinner. It was like, literally, I told my dad, you know,
my dad's Israeli. He's like,no, no, no, he
did not cat fish you. I'mlike, Dad, look at the fucking
picture and look at the person.Literally, it was like night and day.
But anyway, what are your whatare your tips? I'm liked to

(01:03:37):
had to catch it before you goon that day. You can't. You
can't unless unless okay, god,that's unless you FaceTime. Unless you FaceTime,
that's the only way to catch them. Because I've had I've had that
happened. I've had one situation whereI show up to a guy and the
guy's two hundred pounds heavier than hispictures. And then I had one situation

(01:03:58):
where the guy was a completely differperson. So I walked in, What
do you say, Oh, youknow, I don't you know? I
don't. So I walked in,I'm looking around. There's one guy in
there, but it's not the guyfrom pictures. So I walked right out
right He's like messaging me, no, come back, that's me, and

(01:04:19):
I was like, I don't comeback into me. I don't think I've
ever left, and talking of myown podcas really so that I came back
and I was like, because hehad ordered me a drink before I got
there, right, so I hadI don't even drink like that. I
never drank a drink so fast.I said, first of all, who

(01:04:41):
are you? And what have youdone with my date? I was like,
what do you why? And hegoes, why does it matter?
I was like, are you actuallyout of your mind? What do you
mean? Why does it matter?First of all, this whole dating app
thing is so superficial to begin with, and you're you're you're, you're a
complete different person than your pictures,and you think anybody is going to be

(01:05:02):
good with that. So I lethim have it and I pounded my drink
and I walked out. He wasshocked, thank you for the drink,
I'm out and I left. That'sbadass. That's badass. Yeah, people
should not be catfishing. I mean, I've changed my pictures that when I

(01:05:24):
was on dating apps and I hadchange or my appearance change, or I
had short hair. I always changedmy pictures to reflect that. And it's
good. I didn't like me,you didn't like me, but the guy
who liked me and showed up,it was like, Okay, at least
I know what she looks like andwhat she really is about, you know,
m hm no, I that's that'scalled being a good person. But

(01:05:44):
there's no way to really find outthe FaceTime. You can ask someone for
a FaceTime, okay, which alot of people forget to ask, but
yeah, I mean it's that's it'skind of become imperative now like you have
to FaceTime. You can even FaceTimethrough the apps now, like you can
call them a apps so you don'thave to give them your number. Idn't
know that, Okay, that's yeah. Yeah, on like Hinge and I
and I think maybe tender you cancall someone from an app um so that

(01:06:09):
you don't have to risk giving itnumber and worry about all the blocking that
has to come later. But um, I do hear that guys get catfished
way more than women do because womenwith you know, with the Instagram filters.
Yeah, well we just it's thefilters and the or the makeup where
they have angles where they cannot showthat they're or weighed and it's very deceitful.

(01:06:31):
But men, for some reason,through what the stories that I've heard,
tend to be a little bit moreunderstanding about it. Yeah then yeah,
women get like more angry, rightyeah, or just just like how
like we just don't like being alive. So I think the guys for some
reason tend to be more understanding becausemaybe they still want to get action anyway,

(01:06:51):
so they're like, Oh, let'shang out and see how and see
how this goes. What do youum in terms of Oh, I just
had a good question and then Ijust slip because I keep thinking about that.
Come back to the evening. I'llbe walking in the barber let me
tell you something, you fucking liar, you thinking you're like boom, I'm

(01:07:14):
out of pitch. Like I wouldnever be able to do that. I
would just stay there like an idiotfor like two hours. And you're like,
hmmm, no, that will thatthat whole niceness part of you will
eventually hopefully like it's great to benine, but have to be nice to
the people that deserve it. Yes, not everybody gets the benefit of your

(01:07:34):
kindness, right right, and it'sall about just learning who to decipher who
gets the kindness and who doesn't.And I know you grew what's shocking to
me though about that, is thatyou grew up in as a New Yorker,
just like me. And I havea friend. I have a friend
who says to me, you havethe spirit of the New York rat.
Right, You're not wrong. SoI mean, I mean, I'm like

(01:07:58):
you too. I'm very like listen, I'm very real and to your face,
that is part of being a NewYorker. I do go zero to
one hundred real quickly. You don'tgo zero to hundred. You're always consistent.
I'm more like. But I've alsobeen I've been raised, like you
said, by being raised in amodern Orthodox Jewish home or any religion teaches
you to be a people pleaser.It teaches you to apologize for things you
shouldn't be apologizing for. Really teachesyou just to, I guess, be

(01:08:23):
sorry that you're fucking existing. That'sreally what I feel like. It is.
Wow, And that's where I thinkthe mentality comes from, too.
Like what you said, you're soconditioned to like this is how it should
be, and this is how itshouldn't be. You don't follow these rules
and you just have fun, thenyou can probably have like a healthy relationship,
you know what I mean. Yeah, man, that's tough. That

(01:08:44):
is tough, and I do forget. I do forget that I didn't have
a great childhood. But the onething I did have was freedom to choose.
And I think that that is theone thing, the one I had.
You know, being a kid wastough for me, But I do
appreciate now that I was given thefreedom to not be involved in organized religion.

(01:09:12):
It's not a bad thing. Idon't want to ever come across that
I think it's a bad thing,but I just think that, um,
it's important to have questions and thinkfor ourselves and find our own way and
not fill mold. Yeah, andI think you will. You will get
to that place because I know that'swhat you want. That's what I want.

(01:09:32):
I want the freedom, Yes,the freedom to choose and to make
my own rules, absolutely within myrelationship or my friendships or my work.
Yeah. Because you are you callme bad ass, which you're a bad
ass, which too, and Imean that in the nicest really, you
absolutely are. Absolutely, I try, you know, it's hard, and

(01:09:54):
it's hard to go against your family, you know, but yeah, you
know you make little strides and youhave good people around. Doing the podcast
helps, you know, it's therapeuticabsolutely. Let's also I want to know
what your favorite dating app or whatkind of or dating app would you suggest
now for people to go on?How you think it's all they're all crazy?

(01:10:15):
Um, you know, I goI'm torn because I I the dating
apps have brought me to a placewhere I have actually found a lane of
my own right because before doing podcasting, I felt very lost and it's a
it's it's it's it's wild how theuniverse works. But those horrible dates have

(01:10:41):
brought me to places like being ableto talk with you or Mario Cantone or
any of these things where I feellike fulfilled now. But I also wasn't
on there per se looking for love. So I think it's tough, and
I think we've had a lot ofsuccess stories, Like we've had probably like

(01:11:01):
four or five people come on thatare actually married from bumble or or or
even tender. Um. I thinkI think if I was going to choose
one, that has to be theleast of the crazies would be Hinge.
Okay, you can see a videoof someone speaking, um, so you

(01:11:26):
can see that it's actually them.Uh. In their profile you they ask
very specific questions that give like areal general sense of their personality. Um,
and it just seems to be morestable people, like emotionally stable on
there. Yeah yeah, yeah,more substance for sure. Um ut Hinge.

(01:11:51):
I mean, Hinge is one ofthe main ones, but there's there's
so many niche ones now, there'slike ones to match you with your pets,
like yeah, like it's just itplays a locks club or like ray
rayas for like celebrities and right right, yeah yeah yeah, I mean but
I've heard hard stories about that too, and it's like I've been on that.

(01:12:12):
It's like really not Actually, it'sworse when you have like an when
it's kind of like an exclusive membershipclub type of thing. It's actually worse
because you can get away with alot of shit because nobody's gonna know about
it, you know what I mean? Yeah, because Raya is like industry,
and you can't happens between me anda celebrity, not even those old
celebrities, you know what I'm saying. It's not like the it's just different,

(01:12:34):
I think. And you can't eventake screenshots, so you can't.
They'll kick you. They'll kick youright off. So, um, yeah,
I don't know. Yeah, okay, hinge. Well anyway, Rachel,
you're amazing. We're so I'm sohappy you came on the podcast.
We're gonna have you back on becauseI feel like you're so insight ful.
We need I just have so manyquestions. I literally and ask you all

(01:12:54):
these questions. But where can everybodyfollow you and the podcast? Okay,
so the podcast Dating app Disasters onInstagram at Dating App Disasters. Um,
and I am Rachie B on Instagramr A C h E E b E.
I tell no one my last name. She knows asking my last name.
I hate it. Very only onewho knows it. It's actually a

(01:13:15):
very great last name and he shouldget out of it. It's very jewey,
but it's cool. You guys.If you doubt, If you guys,
go follow Rachel's podcast right now.She might share what her last name
is on her I will, sorry, I won't, I won't. I
will maybe I will know. I'mjust kidding. Don't you do that to

(01:13:35):
me? Um? Yes, ifyou want to follow me on Facebook,
I'm rachel Leah B. But onInstagram i am Rachie b r A C
h E E B E. Ilove that. And any do you have
one celebrity that you're dying or comedianthat you want to have on the podcast?
I know about their dating horror storiesthat you haven't had on yet?

(01:13:55):
Oh uh um hmmm. One personthat see this is the thing. The
way I find people that come onthe podcast is if either they have bits
about it, so I hear itwhile I while I'm in the room,
and I hear it on stage.So if it's if it's a if it's
an interesting story, or I thinkthat we can get deeper than I will

(01:14:18):
ask them to be on the podcast. Um or just having a conversation.
I mean, does it get betterthan Mario Cantone? I'm not sure?
Uh hmmm. I mean my personthat I think I look up to a
lot as Bethany frankel Men and Ife she met her current fiance on a

(01:14:42):
dating app. So that would beamazingly fun out putting on dating app disasters.
How amazing would that be? Yeah, that would be amazing, Even
though hers isn't a disaster, butwe have success stories too, so it's
it's all good. I of that. And then everybody can follow at Dating
App Disasters on Instagram. Right,yes, ma'am, email you write in

(01:15:05):
your questions. You guys, Racheland Phil, they're hilarious, they're awesome,
they're your friends. Will navigate thiscrazy fucking journey with you. You
help me too, So listen now, I know it works. We'll try,
and then you can download their podcaston iTunes, Spotify and all podcasts
platforms. And Rachel, thank youso much for being here. I love

(01:15:27):
you. You are must whatever back. Hey, this is Rachel Dating App
Disasters podcast. You are watching meand listening to me on the Chanel and
the City podcast with Chanel Omari