Find the Good in this Very Moment

Travel can be restorative, fun, and, in my opinion, it’s the greatest form of diplomacy there is. Because we get to know people as individuals rather than stereotypes. We develop deeper connections as true citizens of the world. We experience life.

Yet travel and trading countries is not a magic pill for happiness. There is no perfect place, and wherever we go, we take our problems with us.

I’m reading David Fideler’s excellent book Breakfast with Seneca, where he quotes Seneca in one of his letters: 

“If you want to escape your troubles, you don't need to be somewhere else: you need to be someone else.” 

Those searching for meaning or purpose in life might think a new place will provide answers. But a new location, a new job, a new partner doesn’t guarantee a better life or a fresh start. 

Finding purpose involves understanding your values, interests, and goals. It’s internal work that can be done anywhere.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Live Without Worders, a podcast about
how to live the good lifethrough stoicism, personal
development and culturalexploration.
I'm your host, sarah Micatell,an American in England who's
here to help fellow citizens ofthe world like you make the most
of the brief time you have hereon Earth.
It is time to make every momentmatter.
The last time I visited the US,I was really surprised by how

(00:26):
many people told me I was solucky that I didn't live there
anymore.
Pretty much everyone said thisacross the political spectrum.
You got out of here just intime.
This country's falling apart.
Everyone here is crazy.
I wish I lived somewhere else,and I can't fault people for
wanting to live abroad, becauseI do and I absolutely love it,

(00:46):
and I also coach other people onhow they can pack up everything
and make their move to maketheir expat dreams come true.
Travel can be restorative, funand, in my opinion, it's the
greatest form of diplomacy,because we get to meet people
and know people as individualsrather than stereotypes, and we

(01:07):
can develop these deeperconnections as true citizens of
the world.
We experience life when we'retraveling.
Yet travel and tradingcountries is not a magic pill
for happiness.
There is no perfect place andwherever we go, we take our
problems with us.
I'm reading David Fiedler'sexcellent book Breakfast with

(01:29):
Seneca, where he quotes Senecain one of his letters saying if
you want to escape your troubles, you don't need to be somewhere
else, you need to be someoneelse.
This is such a powerful quote.
Those people searching formeaning or purpose in life might
think that a new place willprovide answers.

(01:51):
How many times do you hearpeople talking about this Like,
oh, I just need a vacation, Ijust need to get away.
But a new location, a new job,a new partner doesn't guarantee
a better life or a fresh start.
Finding purpose involvesunderstanding your values, your
interests, your goals.
It's internal work that can bedone anywhere.

(02:13):
This doesn't mean that we haveto sit at home for the rest of
our lives journaling our way toa better mindset about our
situation, although that is agood idea as well.
We can proactively change ourenvironment while at the same
time, becoming the kind ofperson who can emotionally
handle whatever life throws atus, the kind of person who sees

(02:35):
challenges as opportunities todevelop our character, who are
grateful for what we havealready.
Let's say, you are not happywhere you live and you have a
plan to move in a year, are yougoing to delay your happiness
for another 12 months?
A lot of people think that thatis their only option, but if

(02:55):
you spend all of your timefocusing on what's wrong with
where you are right now, youmiss out on the good that is
right in front of you.
You miss out on your life andyour memories become rooted in
what you don't have, what youdon't like, who has more than
you.
That kind of thinking is goingto keep you stuck on this

(03:19):
perpetual hunt for what ismissing.
I will be happy when life isway too short for that kind of
thinking.
Focusing on the negative takesup a really valuable head space
and it limits your opportunities.
When we pay disproportionateattention to one thing, such as
moving or changing jobs, andassume that one thing is going

(03:42):
to be the cure for everythingour health, our relationship
status, our income we ignoreother things that matter just as
much or maybe even more.
Psychologist Daniel Kahnemancalls this the focusing illusion
.
He said in an interview withGallup nothing in life is quite
as important as you think it iswhile you are thinking about it.

(04:05):
So nothing will ever make youas happy as you think it will.
Just thinking about things canmake them seem very important.
For example, he says manypeople want to live in a place
with nice weather and thinkthat's going to be the cure to
all their problems.
But research suggests that wegreatly overestimate how much

(04:28):
weather impacts our overallhappiness and we do this for
many things.
But simply being aware of thisfocusing illusion, this
one-track mind, knowing about it, can help you zoom out and
realize what you might be takingfor granted, what opportunities
you might be overlooking whereyou are right now.

(04:51):
When people are stuck in anenvironment or a job or a
situation they don't like, theycope by trying to manage their
emotions.
This is emotion-focused coping.
And they also try to controlthe external thing causing the
problem.
That's problem-focused coping.
And this can be done in anunhealthy way, like complaining

(05:12):
or avoidance or denial, or in ahealthy way, like acceptance,
finding humor in your situationor looking at things from
another perspective.
Let's say you are frustratedbecause you hate the politics of
many people in your town.
Here's how you can engage inproblem-focused coping.
Don't spend time in pointlesslycontentious spaces like social

(05:36):
media.
Limit your consumption ofinflammatory media that is just
feeding the polarization.
Focus your energy on makingyour community a more harmonious
place.
So look for local groupsworking to build connections
across divides.
Seek out other points of viewand have curious conversations

(05:58):
with people who see thingsdifferently.
You can practice emotion-focusedcoping by accepting that you
can't control other people'sanger or irrationality.
You can look at divisiveness asan opportunity to model
integrity.
This is your opportunity tostep up and remember that in the

(06:20):
other person's mind, they thinkthey are doing the right thing
and they're not trying to beevil.
And the best revenge, theStoics say, is to not be like
them.
Marcus Aurelia said Don't besurprised when you meet grumpy
and angry people.
Prepare for it.
When you meet somebody annoying, look at it as a Stoic

(06:41):
challenge of your patience andrise above.
The price of being human isdealing with other humans
because we are social creatures.
We were made for each other,good and bad.
And Marcus said that we shouldthink of other people as our
relatives and let go ofresentments.
We are all kin.

(07:02):
We are all connected.
Focus on what is within yourcontrol.
This is your thoughts, yourvalues, your reactions.
You can choose to modelunderstanding and good will.
You can choose your dailyhabits and routines.
Fill your time with meaningfulactivities.
Be mindful and present ratherthan consumed by outrage and

(07:24):
turmoil.
We cannot force people to beless polarized, but we can model
the kind of understanding andgood will that we want to see.
Positive change begins with us,and this ripples out.
Find other people who think likeyou do.
Our social circles influenceour behavior, habits and even

(07:48):
our thought processes.
So find people who inspire,challenge and support you.
You may have heard the quoteyou are the average of the five
people you spend the most timewith.
That is attributed to thespeaker, jim Rohn, but about
2000 years earlier, seneca saidassociate with people who are
likely to improve you.

(08:08):
Welcome those who you arecapable of improving.
The process is a mutual one.
End quote.
Don't wait for perfectconditions to enjoy life.
If you are in a situation orplace in life that isn't quite
what you had hoped for, findways to honor where you are now.
Embrace the uniqueopportunities and experiences

(08:32):
available to you right where youare.
Connect with the people aroundyou.
Deepen the relationships thatyou have and look for ways to
make a positive impact in yourimmediate environment.
It's not too late, even if youhave one foot out the door.
There are things you can do nowto enrich your life and to
enrich the lives of other people.
Consider what you will misswhen you leave, when you leave

(08:55):
your current world behind.
Even if you're looking forwardto a change, there is value in
reflecting on the journey thatled to where you are right now,
at this very moment.
So acknowledge and be thankfulfor the lessons you've learned
and the growth that you haveexperienced.
Recognize the simple beauty ineveryday moments where you are,

(09:16):
the joy and small achievements,the gratitude for what's good
here, what's often overlooked.
Savor the simple joys aconversation that brightens your
day, a hobby that brings youpeace, fits of laughter with a
friend.
Instead of solely focusing onwhat's next, actively find
purpose and fulfillment in whereyou are now.

(09:40):
Explore new interests, learn newskills.
Switch of your daily routine.
Novelty can be found anywhereand you can learn something new
about someone you have known fordecades.
These surprises enrich yourlife as much, if not more, than
a 3,000 mile journey or movingon to your dream job.
As you look forward to thechanges you wanna, make, use

(10:03):
your current experiences toshape your future and, when it
is time to start a new chapterof your life, close out this one
with gratitude for who you'vebecome while you've been here.
Stop waiting for the perfectconditions to enjoy your life
and your job and your situation.
Start what matters to you now.
That's all for now.

(10:23):
Thank you so much for listeningand have a beautiful week
wherever you are.