Get to the Point

We often have something meaningful to say – but the way we say it can get in the way. We overload our listener with backstory, hoping to make them understand, and end up muddying the message instead. In this episode, I explore why this happens and how a small shift in how we speak can make a big difference.

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I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel, a communication and mindset coach. My work is about helping people like you share your voice, strengthen your relationships, and have more fun.

As an American expat living in the U.K., I value curiosity, courage, and joy. A few things I love: wandering European streets in search of the best vegetarian meal, practicing Italian, and helping my clients design lives that feel rich and meaningful.

If you're ready to have conversations that open doors – in your career, your relationships, and your life – let’s talk.

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Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? 

I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.

Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:02):
I was taking a holistic voice class recently
where we did a mix ofstretching, breathing, and other
practices to connect voice andbody.
And it was mostly great, exceptfor one exercise where we had to
stomp around and beat our chestsand chant, me, me, me.
And it felt very cringe for me.

(00:23):
Probably worth a journalingsession.
And during the break, I walk upto the instructor and I say, I
don't live in London.
And she looks at me confusedbefore I add, so I'll have to
leave a little early to catch mytrain.
And if I had wanted to speakmore clearly, or if I thought
about being more clear first, Icould have just said, I might

(00:43):
need to leave a little bit earlybecause I don't live in London
and I need to catch my train.
That version would have givenher the point first so she would
have understood why I'm bringingup where I live.
And this got me thinking abouthow often people, even those who
have really brilliant things tosay, can lose their listeners
because they lead with too muchbackstory.

(01:05):
And when people don't know whereyou're going, they tend to tune
out.
So in this episode, I want totalk about how we can give them
a roadmap by getting to thepoint first.
For many of us, leading with alot of preamble is our natural
way of speaking.
We front load the conversationwith lots of details because we

(01:25):
want to make sure that the otherperson really understands the
whole story, and this can feelgenerous and orderly to us.
But often all of thisinformation muddies our message,
and it especially confuseswhat's called top-down thinkers.
Let's say your boss brings youinto his office.

(01:47):
He is a very direct person andhe wants a yes or no answer from
you on something.
But you launch into the historyof the project thinking you need
to bring him up to speed on theproject first.
And he might get really annoyedand say, just give me the
answer.
So he is what's called atop-down thinker.
He wants the big picture firstand then the details.

(02:11):
And I, and most people I know,including my clients, we are
bottom-up thinkers.
We like to build toward theanswer.
There's nothing wrong withbottom-up thinking.
When it comes to communication,it could even be preferred
depending on the audience andthe context.
But if you are finding thatpeople's eyes are glazing over

(02:31):
when you talk, you might want totry speaking in a more top-down
way.
In other words, get to the pointand then share your why.
So here is a simple shift thatcould help you out.
If someone asks you a question,answer the question before
taking them on a wild ride ofyour thought process behind it.

(02:53):
I'll talk you through anexercise that I did with myself.
So I'm walking along the beachand pondering how would I answer
this question that I've heardquite a few times on different
podcasts.
The host will ask, What issomething you've changed your
mind about lately?
And in my head, as the pretendpodcast guest, I started to

(03:16):
mentally explain how I havehundreds of audiobooks and
podcasts on my phone.
And I really like the doublebenefit of walking while
listening.
And I am just so sad that thereis so much that I won't get to
read or listen to in this life.

(03:37):
There is so much content outthere.
But I realized lately that I'mjust not enjoying listening to
audio at double speed as much asI used to.
I'm not retaining what I hear asmuch.
And I'm also not fully taking inthe nature around me.
The sound of the waves, thebirds, the trees.

(03:57):
And eventually as I'm talkingthis through in my mind, I get
to the answer to the question.
What I changed my mind about islistening to headphones on my
morning walks.
I decided I don't want to dothat anymore, or at least not
all of the time.
Now, if I were having thisconversation with a friend, I

(04:18):
may have shared in a bottom-upway.
I enjoy when certain friendstake me on these wild
conversational rides.
I love the tangents and thedetours and the deep dives and
looping back around.
But if I were on someone'spodcast and gave that answer, I
may have sounded lost and allover the place.
And quick side note, in thatholistic voice class that I

(04:41):
took, one of the students said,I bore myself when I talk.
And bottom-up communicationcould be one reason why.
Maybe she is just talking outloud and just completely getting
lost in her thoughts and losingthe point.
And if other people seem to belost or bored when we speak,

(05:01):
then maybe that is making us getbored with ourselves as well.
So back to that podcast.
If I had wanted to answer thequestion in a more direct way, I
could have said, I changed mymind about walking and listening
to audio at the same time.
And then I could share the whybehind my answer.

(05:22):
The content just isn't stickingthe same way.
And I realize I want to be morepresent in the world as I walk
around.
I want to give myself space tothink and not to try to consume
information in every moment.
And there is some grief in thatbecause it makes me really sad
to know that there are thousandsof great books out there, and I

(05:46):
don't have enough time in thislife to read or listen to them
all.
This means I have to be moremindful about what I consume and
when.
And that answer would give myimaginary podcast host all sorts
of conversational threads topull from.
Also, please tell me that youhave these imaginary

(06:07):
conversations in your head aswell.
Message me and let me know.
Okay, so one simple way to shiftyour style without losing your
voice is what I call ASR, AnswerStory Recap.
This is a very simple frameworkthat you can use to a answer the
question you're asked, S sharewhy you believe that, what is

(06:31):
the story behind your answer,and R.
Recap.
So if you want, you canreiterate your point by
recapping what you just said.
And this point first, contextsecond communication gives your
listeners guidance on where youare taking them.
And this can be incrediblyhelpful in certain contexts,

(06:52):
such as when you are in ameeting and someone asks you a
direct question, when you are inan interview and you are trying
to answer a question and youdon't want to get lost in your
own thoughts.
Or when you want to holdpeople's attention and you know
that you have a habit ofoverexplaining or meandering.
Getting to the point also helpspeople feel listened to.

(07:14):
Maybe you've had the experiencewhere somebody has asked you a
question and you've gone off ona tangent, and suddenly you
realize you don't even rememberwhat was asked.
And you are trying to talk andthink at the same time and land
this plane, and where was I?
And is this other person evenpaying attention at this point?

(07:36):
Giving a clear answer up frontwill let them know that you
understood the question, thatyou answered the question.
It gives you some grounding andhelps the other person feel like
you're actually responding tothem and not disappearing into
your own head.
And then you can share moreinformation afterward.
Having said all that, bottom-upcommunication has its place.

(08:00):
Not every conversation needs tobe crisp and direct.
And again, I actually love whenconversations with friends take
all kinds of twists and turns.
And I love when podcasts andbooks share stories up front and
then they ease their way intothe point.
Because stories make us care,and they are the things that

(08:22):
stick with us.
And they're part of goodcommunication.
As Aristotle said, greatcommunication includes these

three things (08:30):
ethos.
This is your credibility.
Do they trust you?
Pathos.
This is your ability to elicitemotion.
Do they feel something?
And logos.
This is your ability to shareyour ideas clearly.
Do they understand?
And we need all of theseelements.

(08:51):
So pop quiz on yourcommunication style.
Which of these versions of thesetwo phrases do you prefer?
Version one?
Yesterday I looked up and thewhole sky was bright blue.
Isn't it cool how light doesthat?
That's because of how sunlightscatters in the air.

(09:12):
Version two?
The sky is blue.
That's because sunlight hits theatmosphere and scatters blue
light.
Personally, I like thedreaminess of version one.
I imagine a dad explaining tohis little boy the wonders of
the world.
So for me, give me the emotionbefore the logic.

(09:32):
But both options are valid.
Good communication is aboutasking, who's listening and how
do they like to take ininformation?
What's the context?
Is this a good time for story orshould I be getting to the point
here?
And if you're not sure, trythis.
When you want to connectemotionally, start with story.

(09:53):
When you want to be clear, startwith the point.
And when you want to bememorable, combine both in the
order that fits.
So to sum all of this up, get tothe point isn't a rule.
It's a tool that can help yousound more polished.
And when you pair clarity withwarmth and story and curiosity,

(10:14):
that's when you will really keeppeople engaged.
This is something I work onevery day with clients.
How to sound clear withoutlosing the heart of what you're
trying to say.
And if this is something youwould like support with, then I
would love to hear from you.
Click on the link in the episodenotes and let's set up a time to

(10:36):
chat and talk about how you canbecome a more calm and confident
communicator.