Pursuit of Happiness: What It Really Means

What did the Founding Fathers actually mean when they talked about “the pursuit of happiness” – and how can we apply that wisdom to our lives today? 

This episode is about what real happiness looks like – not the fireworks version, but the kind that comes from gratitude, good character, and being present for the small moments.

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I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel, a communication and mindset coach. My work is about helping people like you share your voice, strengthen your relationships, and have more fun. 

As an American expat living in the U.K., I value curiosity, courage, and joy. A few things I love: wandering European streets in search of the best vegetarian meal, practicing Italian, and helping my clients design lives that feel rich and meaningful.

If you're ready to have conversations that open doors – in your career, your relationships, and your life – let’s talk.

***

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I made something to help you.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
If I die tonight everyone's going to think I'm
insane, says my friend.
Her lips and teeth dyed blue.
Moments earlier we weresprawled out picnic style on the
grass of her town beach,celebrating the 4th of July.
The band played in thebackground as I ate goldfish
crackers, while my friend's7-year-old son and his friend
devoured spoonfuls of veryunnaturally bright ice cream.

(00:23):
My friend chose Cookie Monsterflavor, which colors her entire
mouth bright blue.
Then the first crack oflightning lit up the gray sky.
We'd stayed put through thethunder, hoping that the storm
would pass so that we could stayfor the fireworks.
But as the lightning continuesand the rain begins, we, along

(00:43):
with hundreds of others, startfolding up the lawn chairs.
Save yourselves, boys.
My friend says I'm too old.
Earlier in the day she droppedoff a carload of beach gear and
then we all shuttled in.
She now figures it will befastest to run back alone
through the storm to retrievethe car and come back for us.

(01:03):
Her son tears up as he watchesher disappear into the rainy
chaos.
Shirtless and wearing myfriend's wide-brimmed beach hat,
he looks like a panicked,curious George.
Hey guys, we have this, hisfriend says, dragging a deflated
orange-black raft over to us.
Great idea, I say, and I hoistthe raft above our heads.
It flops down around us like adamp cave and we huddle close

(01:27):
together.
My friend's son's nerves turninto excitement.
He bops in and out of ourrubber tent shrieking with
delight, and the three of usagree that we are a team and if
we go down we'll go downtogether.
And my friend's son says an OurFather prayer for the benefit
of us all.
As we play around, I thinkabout how innocent these boys

(01:49):
are.
I feel grateful that they arenot experiencing real
emergencies, real traumahappening on the other side of
the world, and I'm grateful tobe here right now with them,
since we're there for the 4th ofJuly.
I'm also thinking about thatfamous line from the Declaration
of Independence that we areendowed with certain unalienable

(02:11):
rights life, liberty and thepursuit of happiness.
The founders of the UnitedStates didn't mean happiness the
way we often think of it nowchasing pleasure, possessions or
constant joy.
They were talking about a moreancient concept of happiness.
They were influenced by theStoics and classical

(02:33):
philosophers like Cicero, andthey saw happiness not as a
feeling but as a function ofyour character, developing moral
excellence, contributing to thegreater good and striving to be
your highest self, and many ofthem admittedly failed to live
up to their ideals, above all bykeeping slaves to maintain

(02:53):
their lifestyle.
But the vision they offered,that still matters.
Long-term happiness,flourishing, that doesn't come
from indulgence, it comes fromliving with integrity, and the
founders wanted that.
They had a vision of creatingan ethical society, and this is

(03:15):
why I consider myself apatriotic person, not because I
think the United States isperfect, but because I believe
in its founding principles and Ibelieve in a better future.
One way to get there and tolive that deeper definition of
happiness is to practicegratitude.
Research by psychologist RobertEmmons and he is also the author

(03:38):
of Gratitude Works he foundthat consistently journaling
about why you're thankful canincrease feelings of happiness
by 25%.
You're training your brain tolook for the good.
You're turning away from why me?
Victim mode and becoming moremindful.

(03:59):
You're bringing mindfulawareness to the goodness in
your life.
The biggest obstacle to feelinggrateful, says Emmons and he is
the leading scientific expert onthe subject is entitlement.
So, to quote Emmons, theentitlement attitude says life
owes me something, or people oweme something, or I deserve this

(04:21):
.
In all its manifestations, apreoccupation with the self can
cause us to forget our benefitsand our benefactors, or to feel
that we are owed things fromothers and therefore have no
reason to feel thankful.
End quote.
The antidote, he says, ishumility.
And to quote him again,becoming aware of realities

(04:45):
greater than ourselves shieldsus from the illusion of being
self-made, being here on thisplanet by right, expecting
everything and owing nothing.
The humble person says thatlife is a gift to be grateful
for, not a right to be claimed.
End quote.
Emmons talks about theimportance of taking things as

(05:08):
granted, as gifts, rather thanto take things for granted and
this echoes a line from MarcusAurelius's meditations, quote
look at what you have, thethings you value most, and think
of how much you'd crave them ifyou didn't have them.
In other words, as a remedy totaking things for granted.

(05:31):
Remedy to taking things forgranted, practice wanting what
you already have.
So what is a gratitude practice?
Where do we start?
One of my clients told me hetried gratitude journaling but
gave up.
He said you can only bethankful for sunny days.
So many times he had been goingthrough the motions listing the

(05:51):
same common things withouttruly paying attention.
But real gratitude is specific.
It's about noticing what andwho brings you joy growth,
connection.
In his book Flourish, martinSeligman tells us to go a step
further and to write about whatyou are grateful for and why it

(06:16):
happened.
For example, I passed mycertification because I studied
every day for an hour for onemonth.
So you're not just celebratingthe outcome that you passed your
certification, you're honoringthe virtues that helped get you
there Love of learning,perseverance, zest.

(06:37):
Here is a simple gratitudepractice that you can try Every
evening.
Write down one thing thatyou're grateful for, and if
you're stuck, you can use aprompt who, what, where or when
so you can ask yourselfquestions like who did I get to
connect with today?
What did I experience or learn?
Where did I spend my time?

(06:59):
Did I visit a favorite place?
Did I try something new?
When did I have the most energy?
And if you want to take it astep farther, you can add why
did this matter to me and howcan I create more of this?
And remember to savor the smallmoments petting a stranger's
puppy on your morning walk, aclient telling you how much your

(07:20):
work has helped them, dippingyour feet in the ocean on a hot
summer evening.
Emmons and other gratitudeexperts talk about how important
it is to savor the littlethings which add up to a very
rich and meaningful life, andthis transforms how we
experience the world and howother people experience us.

(07:42):
Back at the beach, my friendmessages us to leave the gear
behind and walk to meet her.
We can retrieve it later.
I grab two cooler bags and tellthe boys to grab something, and
then we trudge down the streetin the rain like a family of
immigrants heading to a new landwith only the essentials.
Well, that was a bust.
One of the boys says Was itreally, I ask, until it started

(08:07):
raining, weren't we all havingfun?
The boys both nod and we agreethat we had a great time.
My friend picks us up and wetake turns sharing what we're
grateful for about this evening.
The rain was my favorite part.
Her son says what had startedout as the worst part of the
night ended up being the best.
True, we'd started out with agoal, a pursuit, if you will, of

(08:31):
seeing fireworks, but life hadother plans and sometimes those
plans turn out better.
It reminds me of somethingMarcus wrote in the Meditations,
and both of today's quotes arefrom the Gregory Hayes
translation Quote what is uniqueto the good man To welcome with
affection what is sent by fate,not to stain or disturb the

(08:55):
spirit within him with a mess offalse beliefs, instead to
preserve it faithfully.
This life lived with simplicity, humility, cheerfulness.
End quote.
The pursuit of happiness isn'tsomething we buy, or something
external that we chase.
It's something internal that wecan practice anywhere,

(09:18):
including sheltering beneath araft as the rain comes down.
Happiness is not a high, it's ahabit.
It's not just a feeling, it's away of life.