July 14, 2023 • 31 mins
Have you ever wondered why the richest countries on Earth consistently rank so high in anxiety and depression?
Research says this is because we’re so overstimulated by instant gratification that our brains never feel satisfied and become increasingly unhappy in the quest for more. We’re literally addicted to pursuing pleasures that will never satisfy us.
The cure to this man-made misery? Self-control.
I know, I know. Your body might be rejecting this idea as too boring or hard. But stay with me.
In this episode, you’ll learn how hyper-access to indulgence is physiologically changing your brain, and I’ll coach you on what to do so you can calm your mind and start experiencing more vitality and true joy on a permanent basis.
Does the phrase “public speaking” make you feel a little sick…even if it’s just a team meeting or a group conversation?
I made something to help you.
Calm Your Nerves in 90 Seconds is a free anxiety-reduction toolkit with a guided meditation and journal to help you communicate with confidence.
Use it anytime your brain goes into overdrive and you need a reset.
https://sarahmikutel.com/reset
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Live Without Borders, a podcast about
how to live the good lifethrough stoicism, personal
development and culturalexploration.
I'm your host, sarah Micatell,an American in England who's
here to help fellow citizens ofthe world like you make the most
of the brief time you have hereon Earth.
It is time to make every momentmatter.
A few weeks ago, I wrapped up atrip that took me through
(00:25):
Austria, slovakia, bulgaria,italy and then back to England,
and when I'm traveling, I'm opento everything.
I want to explore the culture,try new foods, meet new people.
I don't impose too manyrestrictions on myself.
When I'm at home, I follow amore disciplined protocol, and
this feels really good to me,and here's why Not giving into
(00:46):
every desire makes me a happierand healthier person.
Have you ever wondered why therichest countries on Earth
consistently rank so high inthings like anxiety and
depression?
I always wondered this.
People have it all.
Why are they so upset?
Well, research says that thisis because we are so
overstimulated by instantgratification that our brains
(01:09):
never feel satisfied, and sothey become increasingly unhappy
in the quest for more.
We are literally addicted topursuing pleasures that will
never satisfy us, and the cureto this man-made misery is
self-control, and I know I knowyour body might be rejecting
this idea as too boring or hard,but stay with me.
(01:30):
In this episode you will learnhow hyperaccess to indulgence is
a physiologically changing yourbrain and I will coach you on
what you can do to calm yourmind and start experiencing more
vitality and true joy on apermanent basis.
We all have our vices.
This could be mindlessly eatingcookies that you're not even
(01:50):
enjoying, drinking at a partywhen you said you weren't going
to turning down an invite tomeet friends.
You can do work and thengetting distracted and not doing
anything.
You don't have time for thisanymore.
Life is too short.
How long are you going to waitbefore you start demanding the
best for yourself?
Let's create a self masteryguidebook to help you create the
life you want.
(02:11):
I have a hedonistic self conceptthat doesn't exactly match what
other people would considerhedonistic.
I go to bed early, I barelydrink, I work out every day, I
don't eat junk food, and yet fora lot of my life I have given
into every whim that has poppedin my head and this felt like
freedom to me.
I remember walking along thebeach and then veering off into
(02:32):
town because the idea of havingEnglish breakfast just popped
into my mind and this was adelicious temporary pleasure
that I gave into, but it alsothrew off my more meaningful
plans for the day.
And this isn't to say that youcan't be spontaneous, but
regularly going along withimpulses without questioning
them can block you from feelingreal fulfillment.
(02:55):
Impulses are part of theautomatic patterns that often
protect and comfort us.
I want external pleasure rightnow, that dopamine hit of
instant gratification to feedthat desire.
Our ancestors needed dopamine tostay motivated to look for food
, and so they didn't get killed.
They weren't surrounded bypleasure everywhere like we are
(03:15):
today.
They were just trying tosurvive.
Today our brains are still insurvival mode, but our brains
are also confused.
Eating a brownie is not a lifeor death situation, but impulses
can make it feel this way.
I need this right now.
Sometimes we just want to eattasty food and watch Netflix
because it sounds fun, and othertimes these urges appear when
(03:35):
we're avoiding what we want tobe doing, what we said we were
going to do.
Instead of going to thatnetworking event or sitting down
to write, we comfortably numbourselves with drinking,
scrolling social media, snacking, vinging online courses instead
of taking action, droppingeverything to do something for
someone else.
This is a favoriteprocrastination technique of my
(03:57):
coaching clients.
We give into these desires toescape the discomfort we are
feeling, so most of us followthese impulses on autopilot.
They're invisible to us.
I am very comfort driven andhave used this to procrastinate.
My mindset has been I can't getstarted on my most meaningful
work until I achieve optimalconditions.
(04:19):
I don't want to be too hungry,not too hot, not too cold.
I need to be fully alert.
Maybe I should clean my kitchenfirst.
One of the most useful things Ihave learned is a lot of people,
if not most, are not motivatedto do the thing when they said
they were going to do it,because it feels uncomfortable
On some level.
I thought life was supposed tofeel comfortable if you were
(04:42):
doing it right.
This is not the goal of lifeand it's not possible.
Not everything worth doingfeels great and the most
important things to you oftenfeel awful Giving birth,
starting a business, caring fora sick parent, speaking on stage
for the first time.
We forget that not everythingfeels effortless, so we resist
and make excuses not to do them.
(05:03):
I'll do it tomorrow.
I didn't get enough sleeptonight, so-and-so just called
me and asked me to come over.
There are many reasons why weprocrastinate.
Sometimes it's fear of puttingourselves out there.
Sometimes it's simply thatordering a pizza feels way more
fun and immediately gratifyingthan the long-term satisfaction
of cooking nutritious meals forourselves.
The more ancient, non-rationalpart of our brain loves quick
(05:27):
hits of pleasure.
In her book, dopamine Nation,psychiatrist Anna Lemke says
that our brains just can't copewith modern life's abundance of
dopamine-triggering stimuli, andthis has created a global
problem of overindulgence andaddiction.
We get caught up in thepleasure-pain cycle, which she
explained on the Hidden Brainpodcast.
(05:48):
Quote pain and pleasure areco-located in the brain.
The same parts of the brainthat process pleasure also
process pain and they work likeopposite sides of the balance.
Our brain wants to stay inbalance, so if we get a dopamine
hit from some external pleasure, our brains will work very hard
to try to restore a levelbalance, and they do that first
(06:11):
by tilting an equal and oppositeamount to the side of pain
before going back to the levelposition.
We are overloading our brain'sreward pathway with too much
dopamine.
In our brain's effort tocompensate for too much pleasure
, we are essentially,individually and collectively,
down-regulating our own dopamineproduction and transmission not
(06:33):
just to baseline levels, butactually below baseline levels.
So we are in a dopamine deficitstate, which means that we are
all unhappier, more anxious,more depressed, more irritable,
less able to take joy in thethings that used to give us joy,
and also more susceptible topain.
We've changed our brains as aresult of constantly bombarding
(06:56):
them with these high-rewardsubstances and behaviors.
We pay a price for everypleasure".
Lemke recommends dopaminefasting.
Taking a break from whatevertriggers excessive dopamine in
you, be that social media,youtube, dessert, whatever.
These fests allow your brain'spleasure-pain balance to reset.
(07:16):
This will allow your brain toregain sensitivity to more
modest rewards.
Fasting of any kind isn't a newidea.
For thousands of years,religions around the world have
fasted as a spiritual disciplineto connect to something higher,
develop their character throughself-discipline and to
cultivate gratitude for whatthey have in life.
(07:36):
Fasting helps our body digestand rest, heals our body and
it's renewal.
You may have heard that theword breakfast comes from Middle
English and it literally meansto break one's fast from food.
I practice intermittent fastingand usually eat between 9 and 5.
If I'm hungry on a morning walkor after 8pm, I let myself be
(07:57):
hungry.
I have trained my brain tounderstand that hunger
sensations are not an emergencyand that my body actually has
plenty of fuel, I'm not starvingand I can wait for my next
nutritious meal to eat.
This felt uncomfortable atfirst and required a lot of
self-discipline, but after a fewweeks this way of eating felt
very natural, my pleasure-painbalance restored and now I have
(08:19):
a healthy, sustainable way ofeating that I enjoy.
This still requires a certainamount of self-control, but much
less, way less.
So now I can move on to otherchallenges.
Self-control involves makingmindful choices about what's
truly good for us and what's not.
The Stoics believed that mosthumans had the capability of
(08:39):
making these rational decisions.
To do this, we need toconsciously feed the rational
side of our brain, ourprefrontal cortex.
This part of our brain controlsour executive function, our
ability to make decisions, takeaction on goals, prioritize and
reassess things based on newinformation that comes our way.
It helps us connect how whatwe're doing now will affect us
(09:01):
in the future.
This allows us to delaygratification instead of giving
in to immediate instincts.
The prefrontal cortex helps ushonor our commitments to
ourselves.
So why does this matter?
Why does any of this matter?
We all have dreams of externalgoals, from I want to volunteer
twice a week to I want mybusiness to generate $1 million
(09:22):
next year and more internalgoals.
I want to be less judgmental, Iwant to be more patient.
Often these dreams feel out ofreach because we give in to
whims instead of staying on thepath.
We act as if we have noself-control, even though
control over ourselves is all wehave.
I've spoken before about thestory of Hercules meeting two
(09:43):
goddesses, vice and virtue.
One promised him an easy lifewith all the pleasures in the
world.
The other promised a muchharder life but said that
nothing that is truly worth.
It comes easy.
At first glance you might saytake the easy life, why wouldn't
you?
But the goddess of vice waspromising false joy, temporary
(10:05):
pleasure.
The other goddess, virtue orarite, promised the long-term
fulfillment that comes withself-mastery.
It's the difference between asugar crash and a runner's high.
We realize our dreams when welive with arite consistently
showing up as our best selves.
We think life should be easy,that we should feel motivated to
(10:26):
do everything.
But we don't.
Our brains tell us to take iteasy, to follow false pleasures,
to seek out dopamine.
Those dopamine hits of pleasureare short-lived and then we
crash and then we seek pleasureelsewhere.
Long-lasting joy comes when wediscipline these desires, when
we learn to do things that aregreat for us and when we learn
(10:47):
to love doing these things.
So how do we tap into thishigher part of our brain when
it's so easily hijacked by ourprimitive brain that only cares
about what's happening right now?
1.
Know what you value in life.
2.
Set up rules for yourself thatalign with those values.
3.
Stay mindful of impulses.
(11:07):
Be with them instead of actingon them.
4.
Remind yourself of your valuesand recommit to making decisions
as your highest self.
Today, instead of spending myday finding the best grilled
cheese in town, I plan what I amgoing to eat in advance.
It takes all the guesswork outof what's for lunch, what's for
dinner.
This is freed up so much mindspace by getting rid of these
(11:32):
daily decisions because Ialready decided.
My values include taking careof my body and doing what I said
I was going to do.
This isn't to say that I willnever go on a grilled cheese
hunt again, but I'll plan for it.
It would be a mindfully ledadventure rather than an impulse
driven one.
Some rules or protocols thatI've set up for myself At home
(11:52):
no refined sugar or flour, novegetable oils, no alcohol
unless I'm having a party.
I'm in bed by 10, unless I'm atsome outside event.
I exercise every morning and,of course, I don't eat any meat,
although this is more of avalue than a protocol.
If you've listened to thispodcast for a while, you know
that I've been vegetarian formost of my life.
At this point, by the way, aprotocol is simply a rule that
(12:13):
you set up for yourself.
When I'm out with friends, I'mfree to do whatever I want, but
I still eat pretty clean anddon't drink much.
And I know that I'm going out.
I've planned ahead for it, so Iknow what to expect.
And when I'm traveling, I alsodo whatever I want.
And upon reflection, eventhough I felt more heat and a
stick during these times, Iwasn't gorging myself.
I wasn't completely out ofcontrol.
(12:35):
Research suggests that selfcontrol is easier if you go 100%
all in on something, meaning,if you are going to give up
dairy at home, give it up always, or never eat sugar again, or
never have a glass of wine again.
My rules work for me.
You can decide what works foryou and once you start feeling
disciplined in one area of yourlife, you start showing up this
(12:56):
way in other areas of your lifeand this feels amazing way
better than grilled cheese.
In case you're curious aboutwhy I follow the eating protocol
that I do, it was emphasized ina coaching program that I
completed based on a lot ofresearch, including what was
found in the book the HappinessDiet.
So in the Happiness Diet theauthors said, quote thanks to
(13:17):
the introduction of industrialscale food processing, americans
have changed their dietaryhabits more in the last hundred
years than an all of humanityhad in the previous 100,000.
The modern American diet, whatwe call mad, is characterized
first and foremost by largeamounts of simple sugars and
refined carbohydrates now foundin everything from cereal to
(13:38):
pasta.
These sugars play tricks on thebrain, so you keep craving more
of them, even though excessconsumption of these foods
actually contributes to theshrinkage of key areas of your
brain responsible for everythingfrom memories to mood
regulation.
The second largest source ofcalories in the mad are added
fats, refined vegetable and seedoils that have high amounts of
(14:02):
omega six fats, as well as transfats, which have been linked to
increased risk of depression.
A third critical aspect of themad most detrimental to our
brain functioning is the factoryfarming of cows, pigs, chickens
and even fish.
Not only are these creaturespumped full of antibiotics and
hormones to promote their growth, but they feed on an unnatural
(14:23):
diet of grain which leaves theirflesh deficient in many of the
very fats and nutrients ourbrains have required from
animals since the dawn ofhumankind.
Strange as it seems, with themad you can expand your
waistline and starve your brainat the same time, which is
exactly what growing numbers ofAmericans are doing.
Study after study in themedical research journals
(14:45):
confirm that people who are mostdependent on mad style eating
habits have increased levels ofdepression, anxiety, mood swings
, hyperactivity and a widevariety of other mental and
emotional problems.
Our belief, backed up by ampleresearch, is that the best way
to prevent the mad assault onour health and happiness is to
go back to eating the wholesomefoods that nurtured the
(15:07):
development of our brains overmillions of years of evolution,
that is, from the happiness diet.
My eating protocol is alignedwith my values to work for a
healthy body and mind and to beself-disciplined.
If I were just trying toachieve an external goal like
losing weight, I might give upafter not seeing immediate
results.
(15:27):
It's clarity on my values, mywhy, that sustains me.
So I choose to be the kind ofperson who commits to doing
what's good for me.
That is what keeps me going,and then the unthinkable happens
you start to enjoy what youonce resisted.
Seneca said that we findfulfillment when we follow a
path where what is pleasant andwhat is honorable align.
(15:50):
What we do is who we are.
In the past, the thought ofmeal planning sounded so boring
to me.
Now I find it liberating.
It has become something that Iwant to do.
This isn't to say that I neverhave the urge to break the rules
, but this happens so much less,at least when it comes to food
impulses.
Here's another willpower example.
Let's say it's time to work andI have an aversion to sitting
(16:12):
down in my chair and gettingstarted.
Instead of giving into thisimpulse and doing something else
, I can simply sit in the chairand be with this feeling Okay, I
don't feel like doing this, butI'm following through on my
word, and then get started.
Take it one small step at atime.
Commit to small actions.
Set your Pomodoro timer and getrolling.
(16:34):
If you struggle with gettingstarted, plan in advance for
this.
Commit to working on yourproject for 10 minutes and then
give yourself more time on thecalendar, because you'll usually
fall into a flow when you wakeup in the morning, remind
yourself of your values andrecommit to making decisions as
your highest self.
Before I get into what modernscience has to say about
discipline, let's review whatthe ancient Stoics had to say.
(16:57):
The Stoics practice threedisciplines as part of their
commitment to living with artéthe discipline of desire, the
discipline of action and thediscipline of ascent the
discipline of desire.
So the discipline of desire isabout training ourselves to want
what is good for us and toavoid what is bad for us.
Since I've talked a lot aboutfood and exercise, this might be
(17:18):
a good place to add that thisisn't about shaming yourself or
desiring a different body type.
This is about accepting whereyou are now, making peace with
what is and moving forward fromthere.
Most people think that externalslike wealth, fame, the perfect
body, the perfect pizza that'sgoing to make us happy, and
these pleasures can createtemporary happiness, though the
(17:40):
striving pursuit of them oftencauses more suffering than
satisfaction.
When I find the perfect personfor me, then I will finally be
happy.
Once I change jobs, theneverything is going to fall into
place.
Stoics say external things likethis are indifferent, meaning
they're neither good nor bad,but of course, there are things
that we prefer and disprefer,and there's nothing wrong with
(18:01):
external goals to want to moveto another country, to start a
business or to change your lifein some other way.
I champion this.
It's the process of gettingthere that's the true magic the
steps that you take, who youbecome when you're going after
your dreams, the virtues thatyou embody.
To get there.
You don't have control over theexternal outcome, but you can
(18:23):
influence how your life turnsout by the quality of your
character.
This is what we should desireand develop.
Often, we gravitate toward whatis not great for us scrolling
social media when we're tiredand we avoid things that could
transform our lives.
Walking 30 minutes a day.
We want to flip that around.
This involves not only how wetake care of ourselves, but how
(18:44):
we treat other people.
Yes, we want to eat well andget enough sleep.
We also want to be emotionallybalanced so we can respond to
other people with understandingand not blowing things out of
proportion.
We want to participate in lifeinstead of numbing out when
things get tough, and thisincludes accepting reality for
what it is.
Instead of complaining andfocusing our efforts on what's
(19:07):
not in our control, we canchoose to move forward with
what's good for us and move awayfrom what is bad.
Next up, discipline of action.
The discipline of actionfocuses on what you can
contribute.
The discipline of desire whichwe just talked about says that
we should accept reality and notwaste our energy pining for
what isn't.
But that doesn't mean we donothing.
(19:30):
This is where the discipline ofaction comes in.
Let's say that you've felthired for a long time and you
realize that you usually onlysleep for six hours, and you
just learned that most peopleshould be aiming for seven or
eight.
There is no point in kickingyourself for staying up late and
missing out on years of qualitysleep.
That is in the past.
Now it's time to move forward,and once you accept your reality
(19:51):
, then you can make a plan withclear eyes to change your own
life and the world for thebetter.
Fate permitting, we are calledto play different roles in our
lives, and it's our duty tofulfill our purpose to the best
of our ability for the greatergood.
Again, you can't control theoutcome, but you can live with
integrity and perform your rolein society with excellence.
(20:12):
And let the chips fall wherethey may.
Side note on that phrase.
According to Grammaris, thephrase let the chips fall where
they may means doing your bestand then being content with
whatever outcome because it'snot in your complete control.
It's about acceptance.
Quote let the chips fall wherethey may is an American idiom
that came into use in the late1800s and refers to wood chips
(20:34):
scattering as one chops wood.
The image is of oneconcentrating on the work at
hand, not on the inconsequentialchips of wood.
End quote.
I really like that idea.
Focus on the task at hand, evenif you're scared.
Have the courage to endure whatyou're afraid of and the
discipline to let go ofunhelpful desires that aren't
serving you.
And then discipline of ascent.
(20:55):
The discipline of ascent saysthat we need to examine our
first impressions and notautomatically accept them as
true.
Most of our suffering comesfrom unchallenged
interpretations of a situationrather than the situation itself
, our judgments.
If we want to live a healthyand emotionally balanced life,
we need to pay attention to thestories we tell ourselves.
This means, instead of jumpingto conclusions or spiraling out
(21:18):
when a thought pops into ourhead.
We take a step back and ask isthis a reasonable thought?
Is this what we want to bedoing right now?
Remove what is happening inyour mind without judgment and
question whether your thoughtsare true.
What's another way to look atthis situation?
What information might you bemissing?
What biases might you bebringing?
(21:38):
Also, observe the sensations inyour body.
What emotions do you associatewith them?
If you're feeling anxious, howwould you describe how that
feels inside you?
Your body is constantly sendingthis information to your brain.
Your brain then processes thisinformation and spins stories
based on your past experience.
(21:59):
You're seeing the world throughyour specific lens.
It's not the only lens.
Modern science backs up with theStoic say about discipline.
In her book the WillpowerInstinct, kelly McGonigal talks
about using our prefrontalcortex, the rational side of our
brain, to override the fight orflight part of us that feels an
immediate urge to satisfycravings.
(22:21):
We can decrease stress andincrease our sense of
self-control by slowing down ourbreathing and relaxing our body
.
To increase discipline, shesays we should also meditate and
exercise.
Quote Exercise turned out to bethe closest thing to a wonder
drug that self-controlscientists have discovered.
It not only relieves ordinary,everyday stress, but it's as
(22:43):
powerful and anti-depressant asProzac.
Physical exercise, likemeditation, makes your brain
bigger and faster and theprefrontal cortex shows the
largest training effect.
The important muscle actionbeing trained in all these
studies isn't the specificwillpower challenge of meeting
deadlines, using your left handto open doors or keeping the F
(23:04):
word to yourself.
It's the habit of noticing whatyou are about to do and
choosing to do the moredifficult thing instead of the
easiest.
View every choice you make as acommitment to all future
choices.
So instead of asking do I wantto eat this candy bar now, ask
yourself do I want theconsequences of eating a candy
bar every afternoon for the nextyear?
(23:24):
Or if you've been puttingsomething off that you know you
should do, instead of askingwould I rather do this today or
tomorrow, ask yourself do Ireally want the consequences of
always putting this off?
End quote.
She's talking about stoicdiscipline, training our mind to
reflect before responding,which she refers to as pause and
plan in her book.
This enables us to choose selfmastery and virtue over
(23:48):
impulsivity.
Whenever we're challenged, thisintentional pause allows us to
respond more mindfully.
The stoic practice ofvisualizing what could go wrong
in life also aligns with whatMcGonagall says about
considering the long-termconsequences of our actions.
We can imagine what our liveswould be like if we sacrifice
our future vision by giving intopresent desires.
(24:10):
This mindfulness practiceincreases our self-awareness and
self-control and could be thejolt that you need if you find
yourself repeatedly saying youwant to do something and never
following through.
Self-discipline is not aboutpunishment.
It's the opposite.
Developing this attribute, thisvirtue, will help you flourish
and manage challenges with lessstress and more resiliency.
(24:31):
Mcgonagall emphasizesself-compassion, which aligns
with the stoic virtue ofkindness towards oneself and
other people.
And another quick side noteyou've heard me talk about the
four stoic virtues wisdom,courage, justice and moderation.
People use different words forthese virtues, especially
moderation, which is oftenreferred to as temperance,
(24:52):
prudence, self-control,self-discipline.
I've used these interchangeably.
Head heroic performance coachBrian Johnson and I am certified
in his program likes todescribe these virtues as wisdom
, courage, love and self-mastery.
I like this as well, as thislanguage sounds both more
accessible and more accurate.
When stoics talk about justice,they are talking about treating
(25:13):
others with fairness anddignity and caring about the
world and contributingpositively to it.
They're talking about love.
Self-mastery helps us manage ourcravings and avoidance issues,
but it's about so much more thanthat, so much more than just
control.
This self-discipline allows usto live as our higher selves, to
make wiser decisions and toenjoy healthier minds and bodies
(25:35):
and happier relationships.
It involves finding that goldenmean between excess and
deficiency, to live withequanimity and a sense of peace
and purpose.
Self-mastery or self-controlfor now, I will continue using
these words interchangeably, asthat's the stoic vernacular
Self-mastery is fundamental toliving with our atta and inner
(25:55):
tranquility.
It's what we need for asmoothly flowing life.
While I was researching thisepisode, I found it very
interesting that the science ofwillpower is still being debated
so much in academic circles.
In 2011, psychologist RoyBaumaster and also New York
Times science writer JohnTierney published a book called
Willpower Rediscovering theGreatest Human Strength.
(26:18):
In it, they argue thatwillpower is a finite resource
that gets depleted throughoutthe day.
If we devote a lot of mentalenergy to something they say, we
will have less for other tasks,and that our self-control and
performance will wither.
They call this ego depletion,and you may have heard this
theory of willpower.
But then, a few years later, abunch of other studies came out
(26:38):
countering what they said, andthis includes a study by
Stanford psychologist, carolDweck, who wrote the
Transpomotional Book Mindset.
Her research found thatwillpower only depleted if you
believed in the idea ofwillpower depletion.
In other words, ego depletionis only real if you think it is.
In an article about this, theHarvard Business Review
(26:59):
reference psychology professorMichael Inslik.
He said willpower should beseen as an emotion rather than a
finite resource.
Quote just as we don't run outof joy or anger, willpower ebbs
and flows, based on what'shappening to us and how we feel.
Viewing willpower through thislens has profound implications
For one.
If mental energy is more likean emotion than fuel in a tank,
(27:22):
we can manage and use it as suchand learn to ride out bad
feelings.
Similarly, when we need toperform a difficult task, it's
more productive and helpful tobelieve a lack of motivation is
temporary than to tell ourselveswe're spent and need a break
and ice cream.
End quote.
This makes a lot of sense to me,although, as I said, science is
still debating this, just likethey continue to debate
(27:44):
everything that science.
What hasn't changed in 2,300years is stoicism's ability to
invigorate and enliven usDelightful bonuses that come up
with practicing self mastery.
So when research studiesconflict and confuse, go with
the wisdom that has stood thetest of time and go with
whatever helps you live a betterlife.
(28:06):
Be the leader of your life.
Another example there areresearchers who like to drag
alcoholics anonymous, saying itdoesn't work, but the group has
saved so many lives.
I'm sure there's millions ofpeople who agree that alcoholics
anonymous could be verybeneficial, and researchers from
Stanford, harvard MedicalSchool and the European
Monitoring Center for Drugs andDrug Addiction found that AA is
(28:28):
way more effective in helpingpeople get sober than
psychotherapy.
That was a little aside.
I just wanted to reemphasizethat there are disagreements
about everything.
We need to tap into our ownwisdom and lived experience and
follow the path that strengthensus as people, that allows us to
be good citizens, to grow totreat other people well.
God, grant me the serenity toaccept the things I cannot
(28:51):
change, the courage to changethe things I can and the wisdom
to know the difference.
To sum all this up, selfmastery means understanding and
accepting what is in yourcontrol and what's not, and
focusing your time and effort onwhat you can control your
thoughts, your actions, youremotions.
Know what you value in life.
Set up rules for yourself thatalign with those values.
(29:13):
Stay mindful of impulses and bewith them instead of acting on
them.
Remind yourself of your valuesand recommit to making decisions
as your highest self Impulse.
Control is an exercise of themind.
It's a character builder.
Yes, you will likely receiveextrinsic benefits, including
improved health, but it's whoyou become through practicing
(29:34):
self mastery that matters.
As you shrink the space betweenwho you are now and who you
aspire to be, you will startexperiencing a remarkable sense
of fulfillment and genuinehappiness which, unlike
immediate gratification, indersthe more you show up as your
highest self, your true self.
That is when you really startto thrive.
(29:55):
I would love to help you getthere.
If this episode really hit homeand you would like help
designing and honoring a planthat will transform your life,
get in touch with me atsarahmycatelcom.
That's all for now.
Thank you for listening andhave a beautiful week wherever
you are.
Welcome to Live Without Borders, a podcast about
how to live the good lifethrough stoicism, personal
development and culturalexploration.
I'm your host, sarah Micatell,an American in England who's
here to help fellow citizens ofthe world like you make the most
of the brief time you have hereon Earth.
It is time to make every momentmatter.
A few weeks ago, I wrapped up atrip that took me through
(00:25):
Austria, slovakia, bulgaria,italy and then back to England,
and when I'm traveling, I'm opento everything.
I want to explore the culture,try new foods, meet new people.
I don't impose too manyrestrictions on myself.
When I'm at home, I follow amore disciplined protocol, and
this feels really good to me,and here's why Not giving into
(00:46):
every desire makes me a happierand healthier person.
Have you ever wondered why therichest countries on Earth
consistently rank so high inthings like anxiety and
depression?
I always wondered this.
People have it all.
Why are they so upset?
Well, research says that thisis because we are so
overstimulated by instantgratification that our brains
(01:09):
never feel satisfied, and sothey become increasingly unhappy
in the quest for more.
We are literally addicted topursuing pleasures that will
never satisfy us, and the cureto this man-made misery is
self-control, and I know I knowyour body might be rejecting
this idea as too boring or hard,but stay with me.
(01:30):
In this episode you will learnhow hyperaccess to indulgence is
a physiologically changing yourbrain and I will coach you on
what you can do to calm yourmind and start experiencing more
vitality and true joy on apermanent basis.
We all have our vices.
This could be mindlessly eatingcookies that you're not even
(01:50):
enjoying, drinking at a partywhen you said you weren't going
to turning down an invite tomeet friends.
You can do work and thengetting distracted and not doing
anything.
You don't have time for thisanymore.
Life is too short.
How long are you going to waitbefore you start demanding the
best for yourself?
Let's create a self masteryguidebook to help you create the
life you want.
(02:11):
I have a hedonistic self conceptthat doesn't exactly match what
other people would considerhedonistic.
I go to bed early, I barelydrink, I work out every day, I
don't eat junk food, and yet fora lot of my life I have given
into every whim that has poppedin my head and this felt like
freedom to me.
I remember walking along thebeach and then veering off into
(02:32):
town because the idea of havingEnglish breakfast just popped
into my mind and this was adelicious temporary pleasure
that I gave into, but it alsothrew off my more meaningful
plans for the day.
And this isn't to say that youcan't be spontaneous, but
regularly going along withimpulses without questioning
them can block you from feelingreal fulfillment.
(02:55):
Impulses are part of theautomatic patterns that often
protect and comfort us.
I want external pleasure rightnow, that dopamine hit of
instant gratification to feedthat desire.
Our ancestors needed dopamine tostay motivated to look for food
, and so they didn't get killed.
They weren't surrounded bypleasure everywhere like we are
(03:15):
today.
They were just trying tosurvive.
Today our brains are still insurvival mode, but our brains
are also confused.
Eating a brownie is not a lifeor death situation, but impulses
can make it feel this way.
I need this right now.
Sometimes we just want to eattasty food and watch Netflix
because it sounds fun, and othertimes these urges appear when
(03:35):
we're avoiding what we want tobe doing, what we said we were
going to do.
Instead of going to thatnetworking event or sitting down
to write, we comfortably numbourselves with drinking,
scrolling social media, snacking, vinging online courses instead
of taking action, droppingeverything to do something for
someone else.
This is a favoriteprocrastination technique of my
(03:57):
coaching clients.
We give into these desires toescape the discomfort we are
feeling, so most of us followthese impulses on autopilot.
They're invisible to us.
I am very comfort driven andhave used this to procrastinate.
My mindset has been I can't getstarted on my most meaningful
work until I achieve optimalconditions.
(04:19):
I don't want to be too hungry,not too hot, not too cold.
I need to be fully alert.
Maybe I should clean my kitchenfirst.
One of the most useful things Ihave learned is a lot of people,
if not most, are not motivatedto do the thing when they said
they were going to do it,because it feels uncomfortable
On some level.
I thought life was supposed tofeel comfortable if you were
(04:42):
doing it right.
This is not the goal of lifeand it's not possible.
Not everything worth doingfeels great and the most
important things to you oftenfeel awful Giving birth,
starting a business, caring fora sick parent, speaking on stage
for the first time.
We forget that not everythingfeels effortless, so we resist
and make excuses not to do them.
(05:03):
I'll do it tomorrow.
I didn't get enough sleeptonight, so-and-so just called
me and asked me to come over.
There are many reasons why weprocrastinate.
Sometimes it's fear of puttingourselves out there.
Sometimes it's simply thatordering a pizza feels way more
fun and immediately gratifyingthan the long-term satisfaction
of cooking nutritious meals forourselves.
The more ancient, non-rationalpart of our brain loves quick
(05:27):
hits of pleasure.
In her book, dopamine Nation,psychiatrist Anna Lemke says
that our brains just can't copewith modern life's abundance of
dopamine-triggering stimuli, andthis has created a global
problem of overindulgence andaddiction.
We get caught up in thepleasure-pain cycle, which she
explained on the Hidden Brainpodcast.
(05:48):
Quote pain and pleasure areco-located in the brain.
The same parts of the brainthat process pleasure also
process pain and they work likeopposite sides of the balance.
Our brain wants to stay inbalance, so if we get a dopamine
hit from some external pleasure, our brains will work very hard
to try to restore a levelbalance, and they do that first
(06:11):
by tilting an equal and oppositeamount to the side of pain
before going back to the levelposition.
We are overloading our brain'sreward pathway with too much
dopamine.
In our brain's effort tocompensate for too much pleasure
, we are essentially,individually and collectively,
down-regulating our own dopamineproduction and transmission not
(06:33):
just to baseline levels, butactually below baseline levels.
So we are in a dopamine deficitstate, which means that we are
all unhappier, more anxious,more depressed, more irritable,
less able to take joy in thethings that used to give us joy,
and also more susceptible topain.
We've changed our brains as aresult of constantly bombarding
(06:56):
them with these high-rewardsubstances and behaviors.
We pay a price for everypleasure".
Lemke recommends dopaminefasting.
Taking a break from whatevertriggers excessive dopamine in
you, be that social media,youtube, dessert, whatever.
These fests allow your brain'spleasure-pain balance to reset.
(07:16):
This will allow your brain toregain sensitivity to more
modest rewards.
Fasting of any kind isn't a newidea.
For thousands of years,religions around the world have
fasted as a spiritual disciplineto connect to something higher,
develop their character throughself-discipline and to
cultivate gratitude for whatthey have in life.
(07:36):
Fasting helps our body digestand rest, heals our body and
it's renewal.
You may have heard that theword breakfast comes from Middle
English and it literally meansto break one's fast from food.
I practice intermittent fastingand usually eat between 9 and 5.
If I'm hungry on a morning walkor after 8pm, I let myself be
(07:57):
hungry.
I have trained my brain tounderstand that hunger
sensations are not an emergencyand that my body actually has
plenty of fuel, I'm not starvingand I can wait for my next
nutritious meal to eat.
This felt uncomfortable atfirst and required a lot of
self-discipline, but after a fewweeks this way of eating felt
very natural, my pleasure-painbalance restored and now I have
(08:19):
a healthy, sustainable way ofeating that I enjoy.
This still requires a certainamount of self-control, but much
less, way less.
So now I can move on to otherchallenges.
Self-control involves makingmindful choices about what's
truly good for us and what's not.
The Stoics believed that mosthumans had the capability of
(08:39):
making these rational decisions.
To do this, we need toconsciously feed the rational
side of our brain, ourprefrontal cortex.
This part of our brain controlsour executive function, our
ability to make decisions, takeaction on goals, prioritize and
reassess things based on newinformation that comes our way.
It helps us connect how whatwe're doing now will affect us
(09:01):
in the future.
This allows us to delaygratification instead of giving
in to immediate instincts.
The prefrontal cortex helps ushonor our commitments to
ourselves.
So why does this matter?
Why does any of this matter?
We all have dreams of externalgoals, from I want to volunteer
twice a week to I want mybusiness to generate $1 million
(09:22):
next year and more internalgoals.
I want to be less judgmental, Iwant to be more patient.
Often these dreams feel out ofreach because we give in to
whims instead of staying on thepath.
We act as if we have noself-control, even though
control over ourselves is all wehave.
I've spoken before about thestory of Hercules meeting two
(09:43):
goddesses, vice and virtue.
One promised him an easy lifewith all the pleasures in the
world.
The other promised a muchharder life but said that
nothing that is truly worth.
It comes easy.
At first glance you might saytake the easy life, why wouldn't
you?
But the goddess of vice waspromising false joy, temporary
(10:05):
pleasure.
The other goddess, virtue orarite, promised the long-term
fulfillment that comes withself-mastery.
It's the difference between asugar crash and a runner's high.
We realize our dreams when welive with arite consistently
showing up as our best selves.
We think life should be easy,that we should feel motivated to
(10:26):
do everything.
But we don't.
Our brains tell us to take iteasy, to follow false pleasures,
to seek out dopamine.
Those dopamine hits of pleasureare short-lived and then we
crash and then we seek pleasureelsewhere.
Long-lasting joy comes when wediscipline these desires, when
we learn to do things that aregreat for us and when we learn
(10:47):
to love doing these things.
So how do we tap into thishigher part of our brain when
it's so easily hijacked by ourprimitive brain that only cares
about what's happening right now?
1.
Know what you value in life.
2.
Set up rules for yourself thatalign with those values.
3.
Stay mindful of impulses.
(11:07):
Be with them instead of actingon them.
4.
Remind yourself of your valuesand recommit to making decisions
as your highest self.
Today, instead of spending myday finding the best grilled
cheese in town, I plan what I amgoing to eat in advance.
It takes all the guesswork outof what's for lunch, what's for
dinner.
This is freed up so much mindspace by getting rid of these
(11:32):
daily decisions because Ialready decided.
My values include taking careof my body and doing what I said
I was going to do.
This isn't to say that I willnever go on a grilled cheese
hunt again, but I'll plan for it.
It would be a mindfully ledadventure rather than an impulse
driven one.
Some rules or protocols thatI've set up for myself At home
(11:52):
no refined sugar or flour, novegetable oils, no alcohol
unless I'm having a party.
I'm in bed by 10, unless I'm atsome outside event.
I exercise every morning and,of course, I don't eat any meat,
although this is more of avalue than a protocol.
If you've listened to thispodcast for a while, you know
that I've been vegetarian formost of my life.
At this point, by the way, aprotocol is simply a rule that
(12:13):
you set up for yourself.
When I'm out with friends, I'mfree to do whatever I want, but
I still eat pretty clean anddon't drink much.
And I know that I'm going out.
I've planned ahead for it, so Iknow what to expect.
And when I'm traveling, I alsodo whatever I want.
And upon reflection, eventhough I felt more heat and a
stick during these times, Iwasn't gorging myself.
I wasn't completely out ofcontrol.
(12:35):
Research suggests that selfcontrol is easier if you go 100%
all in on something, meaning,if you are going to give up
dairy at home, give it up always, or never eat sugar again, or
never have a glass of wine again.
My rules work for me.
You can decide what works foryou and once you start feeling
disciplined in one area of yourlife, you start showing up this
(12:56):
way in other areas of your lifeand this feels amazing way
better than grilled cheese.
In case you're curious aboutwhy I follow the eating protocol
that I do, it was emphasized ina coaching program that I
completed based on a lot ofresearch, including what was
found in the book the HappinessDiet.
So in the Happiness Diet theauthors said, quote thanks to
(13:17):
the introduction of industrialscale food processing, americans
have changed their dietaryhabits more in the last hundred
years than an all of humanityhad in the previous 100,000.
The modern American diet, whatwe call mad, is characterized
first and foremost by largeamounts of simple sugars and
refined carbohydrates now foundin everything from cereal to
(13:38):
pasta.
These sugars play tricks on thebrain, so you keep craving more
of them, even though excessconsumption of these foods
actually contributes to theshrinkage of key areas of your
brain responsible for everythingfrom memories to mood
regulation.
The second largest source ofcalories in the mad are added
fats, refined vegetable and seedoils that have high amounts of
(14:02):
omega six fats, as well as transfats, which have been linked to
increased risk of depression.
A third critical aspect of themad most detrimental to our
brain functioning is the factoryfarming of cows, pigs, chickens
and even fish.
Not only are these creaturespumped full of antibiotics and
hormones to promote their growth, but they feed on an unnatural
(14:23):
diet of grain which leaves theirflesh deficient in many of the
very fats and nutrients ourbrains have required from
animals since the dawn ofhumankind.
Strange as it seems, with themad you can expand your
waistline and starve your brainat the same time, which is
exactly what growing numbers ofAmericans are doing.
Study after study in themedical research journals
(14:45):
confirm that people who are mostdependent on mad style eating
habits have increased levels ofdepression, anxiety, mood swings
, hyperactivity and a widevariety of other mental and
emotional problems.
Our belief, backed up by ampleresearch, is that the best way
to prevent the mad assault onour health and happiness is to
go back to eating the wholesomefoods that nurtured the
(15:07):
development of our brains overmillions of years of evolution,
that is, from the happiness diet.
My eating protocol is alignedwith my values to work for a
healthy body and mind and to beself-disciplined.
If I were just trying toachieve an external goal like
losing weight, I might give upafter not seeing immediate
results.
(15:27):
It's clarity on my values, mywhy, that sustains me.
So I choose to be the kind ofperson who commits to doing
what's good for me.
That is what keeps me going,and then the unthinkable happens
you start to enjoy what youonce resisted.
Seneca said that we findfulfillment when we follow a
path where what is pleasant andwhat is honorable align.
(15:50):
What we do is who we are.
In the past, the thought ofmeal planning sounded so boring
to me.
Now I find it liberating.
It has become something that Iwant to do.
This isn't to say that I neverhave the urge to break the rules
, but this happens so much less,at least when it comes to food
impulses.
Here's another willpower example.
Let's say it's time to work andI have an aversion to sitting
(16:12):
down in my chair and gettingstarted.
Instead of giving into thisimpulse and doing something else
, I can simply sit in the chairand be with this feeling Okay, I
don't feel like doing this, butI'm following through on my
word, and then get started.
Take it one small step at atime.
Commit to small actions.
Set your Pomodoro timer and getrolling.
(16:34):
If you struggle with gettingstarted, plan in advance for
this.
Commit to working on yourproject for 10 minutes and then
give yourself more time on thecalendar, because you'll usually
fall into a flow when you wakeup in the morning, remind
yourself of your values andrecommit to making decisions as
your highest self.
Before I get into what modernscience has to say about
discipline, let's review whatthe ancient Stoics had to say.
(16:57):
The Stoics practice threedisciplines as part of their
commitment to living with artéthe discipline of desire, the
discipline of action and thediscipline of ascent the
discipline of desire.
So the discipline of desire isabout training ourselves to want
what is good for us and toavoid what is bad for us.
Since I've talked a lot aboutfood and exercise, this might be
(17:18):
a good place to add that thisisn't about shaming yourself or
desiring a different body type.
This is about accepting whereyou are now, making peace with
what is and moving forward fromthere.
Most people think that externalslike wealth, fame, the perfect
body, the perfect pizza that'sgoing to make us happy, and
these pleasures can createtemporary happiness, though the
(17:40):
striving pursuit of them oftencauses more suffering than
satisfaction.
When I find the perfect personfor me, then I will finally be
happy.
Once I change jobs, theneverything is going to fall into
place.
Stoics say external things likethis are indifferent, meaning
they're neither good nor bad,but of course, there are things
that we prefer and disprefer,and there's nothing wrong with
(18:01):
external goals to want to moveto another country, to start a
business or to change your lifein some other way.
I champion this.
It's the process of gettingthere that's the true magic the
steps that you take, who youbecome when you're going after
your dreams, the virtues thatyou embody.
To get there.
You don't have control over theexternal outcome, but you can
(18:23):
influence how your life turnsout by the quality of your
character.
This is what we should desireand develop.
Often, we gravitate toward whatis not great for us scrolling
social media when we're tiredand we avoid things that could
transform our lives.
Walking 30 minutes a day.
We want to flip that around.
This involves not only how wetake care of ourselves, but how
(18:44):
we treat other people.
Yes, we want to eat well andget enough sleep.
We also want to be emotionallybalanced so we can respond to
other people with understandingand not blowing things out of
proportion.
We want to participate in lifeinstead of numbing out when
things get tough, and thisincludes accepting reality for
what it is.
Instead of complaining andfocusing our efforts on what's
(19:07):
not in our control, we canchoose to move forward with
what's good for us and move awayfrom what is bad.
Next up, discipline of action.
The discipline of actionfocuses on what you can
contribute.
The discipline of desire whichwe just talked about says that
we should accept reality and notwaste our energy pining for
what isn't.
But that doesn't mean we donothing.
(19:30):
This is where the discipline ofaction comes in.
Let's say that you've felthired for a long time and you
realize that you usually onlysleep for six hours, and you
just learned that most peopleshould be aiming for seven or
eight.
There is no point in kickingyourself for staying up late and
missing out on years of qualitysleep.
That is in the past.
Now it's time to move forward,and once you accept your reality
(19:51):
, then you can make a plan withclear eyes to change your own
life and the world for thebetter.
Fate permitting, we are calledto play different roles in our
lives, and it's our duty tofulfill our purpose to the best
of our ability for the greatergood.
Again, you can't control theoutcome, but you can live with
integrity and perform your rolein society with excellence.
(20:12):
And let the chips fall wherethey may.
Side note on that phrase.
According to Grammaris, thephrase let the chips fall where
they may means doing your bestand then being content with
whatever outcome because it'snot in your complete control.
It's about acceptance.
Quote let the chips fall wherethey may is an American idiom
that came into use in the late1800s and refers to wood chips
(20:34):
scattering as one chops wood.
The image is of oneconcentrating on the work at
hand, not on the inconsequentialchips of wood.
End quote.
I really like that idea.
Focus on the task at hand, evenif you're scared.
Have the courage to endure whatyou're afraid of and the
discipline to let go ofunhelpful desires that aren't
serving you.
And then discipline of ascent.
(20:55):
The discipline of ascent saysthat we need to examine our
first impressions and notautomatically accept them as
true.
Most of our suffering comesfrom unchallenged
interpretations of a situationrather than the situation itself
, our judgments.
If we want to live a healthyand emotionally balanced life,
we need to pay attention to thestories we tell ourselves.
This means, instead of jumpingto conclusions or spiraling out
(21:18):
when a thought pops into ourhead.
We take a step back and ask isthis a reasonable thought?
Is this what we want to bedoing right now?
Remove what is happening inyour mind without judgment and
question whether your thoughtsare true.
What's another way to look atthis situation?
What information might you bemissing?
What biases might you bebringing?
(21:38):
Also, observe the sensations inyour body.
What emotions do you associatewith them?
If you're feeling anxious, howwould you describe how that
feels inside you?
Your body is constantly sendingthis information to your brain.
Your brain then processes thisinformation and spins stories
based on your past experience.
(21:59):
You're seeing the world throughyour specific lens.
It's not the only lens.
Modern science backs up with theStoic say about discipline.
In her book the WillpowerInstinct, kelly McGonigal talks
about using our prefrontalcortex, the rational side of our
brain, to override the fight orflight part of us that feels an
immediate urge to satisfycravings.
(22:21):
We can decrease stress andincrease our sense of
self-control by slowing down ourbreathing and relaxing our body
.
To increase discipline, shesays we should also meditate and
exercise.
Quote Exercise turned out to bethe closest thing to a wonder
drug that self-controlscientists have discovered.
It not only relieves ordinary,everyday stress, but it's as
(22:43):
powerful and anti-depressant asProzac.
Physical exercise, likemeditation, makes your brain
bigger and faster and theprefrontal cortex shows the
largest training effect.
The important muscle actionbeing trained in all these
studies isn't the specificwillpower challenge of meeting
deadlines, using your left handto open doors or keeping the F
(23:04):
word to yourself.
It's the habit of noticing whatyou are about to do and
choosing to do the moredifficult thing instead of the
easiest.
View every choice you make as acommitment to all future
choices.
So instead of asking do I wantto eat this candy bar now, ask
yourself do I want theconsequences of eating a candy
bar every afternoon for the nextyear?
(23:24):
Or if you've been puttingsomething off that you know you
should do, instead of askingwould I rather do this today or
tomorrow, ask yourself do Ireally want the consequences of
always putting this off?
End quote.
She's talking about stoicdiscipline, training our mind to
reflect before responding,which she refers to as pause and
plan in her book.
This enables us to choose selfmastery and virtue over
(23:48):
impulsivity.
Whenever we're challenged, thisintentional pause allows us to
respond more mindfully.
The stoic practice ofvisualizing what could go wrong
in life also aligns with whatMcGonagall says about
considering the long-termconsequences of our actions.
We can imagine what our liveswould be like if we sacrifice
our future vision by giving intopresent desires.
(24:10):
This mindfulness practiceincreases our self-awareness and
self-control and could be thejolt that you need if you find
yourself repeatedly saying youwant to do something and never
following through.
Self-discipline is not aboutpunishment.
It's the opposite.
Developing this attribute, thisvirtue, will help you flourish
and manage challenges with lessstress and more resiliency.
(24:31):
Mcgonagall emphasizesself-compassion, which aligns
with the stoic virtue ofkindness towards oneself and
other people.
And another quick side noteyou've heard me talk about the
four stoic virtues wisdom,courage, justice and moderation.
People use different words forthese virtues, especially
moderation, which is oftenreferred to as temperance,
(24:52):
prudence, self-control,self-discipline.
I've used these interchangeably.
Head heroic performance coachBrian Johnson and I am certified
in his program likes todescribe these virtues as wisdom
, courage, love and self-mastery.
I like this as well, as thislanguage sounds both more
accessible and more accurate.
When stoics talk about justice,they are talking about treating
(25:13):
others with fairness anddignity and caring about the
world and contributingpositively to it.
They're talking about love.
Self-mastery helps us manage ourcravings and avoidance issues,
but it's about so much more thanthat, so much more than just
control.
This self-discipline allows usto live as our higher selves, to
make wiser decisions and toenjoy healthier minds and bodies
(25:35):
and happier relationships.
It involves finding that goldenmean between excess and
deficiency, to live withequanimity and a sense of peace
and purpose.
Self-mastery or self-controlfor now, I will continue using
these words interchangeably, asthat's the stoic vernacular
Self-mastery is fundamental toliving with our atta and inner
(25:55):
tranquility.
It's what we need for asmoothly flowing life.
While I was researching thisepisode, I found it very
interesting that the science ofwillpower is still being debated
so much in academic circles.
In 2011, psychologist RoyBaumaster and also New York
Times science writer JohnTierney published a book called
Willpower Rediscovering theGreatest Human Strength.
(26:18):
In it, they argue thatwillpower is a finite resource
that gets depleted throughoutthe day.
If we devote a lot of mentalenergy to something they say, we
will have less for other tasks,and that our self-control and
performance will wither.
They call this ego depletion,and you may have heard this
theory of willpower.
But then, a few years later, abunch of other studies came out
(26:38):
countering what they said, andthis includes a study by
Stanford psychologist, carolDweck, who wrote the
Transpomotional Book Mindset.
Her research found thatwillpower only depleted if you
believed in the idea ofwillpower depletion.
In other words, ego depletionis only real if you think it is.
In an article about this, theHarvard Business Review
(26:59):
reference psychology professorMichael Inslik.
He said willpower should beseen as an emotion rather than a
finite resource.
Quote just as we don't run outof joy or anger, willpower ebbs
and flows, based on what'shappening to us and how we feel.
Viewing willpower through thislens has profound implications
For one.
If mental energy is more likean emotion than fuel in a tank,
(27:22):
we can manage and use it as suchand learn to ride out bad
feelings.
Similarly, when we need toperform a difficult task, it's
more productive and helpful tobelieve a lack of motivation is
temporary than to tell ourselveswe're spent and need a break
and ice cream.
End quote.
This makes a lot of sense to me,although, as I said, science is
still debating this, just likethey continue to debate
(27:44):
everything that science.
What hasn't changed in 2,300years is stoicism's ability to
invigorate and enliven usDelightful bonuses that come up
with practicing self mastery.
So when research studiesconflict and confuse, go with
the wisdom that has stood thetest of time and go with
whatever helps you live a betterlife.
(28:06):
Be the leader of your life.
Another example there areresearchers who like to drag
alcoholics anonymous, saying itdoesn't work, but the group has
saved so many lives.
I'm sure there's millions ofpeople who agree that alcoholics
anonymous could be verybeneficial, and researchers from
Stanford, harvard MedicalSchool and the European
Monitoring Center for Drugs andDrug Addiction found that AA is
(28:28):
way more effective in helpingpeople get sober than
psychotherapy.
That was a little aside.
I just wanted to reemphasizethat there are disagreements
about everything.
We need to tap into our ownwisdom and lived experience and
follow the path that strengthensus as people, that allows us to
be good citizens, to grow totreat other people well.
God, grant me the serenity toaccept the things I cannot
(28:51):
change, the courage to changethe things I can and the wisdom
to know the difference.
To sum all this up, selfmastery means understanding and
accepting what is in yourcontrol and what's not, and
focusing your time and effort onwhat you can control your
thoughts, your actions, youremotions.
Know what you value in life.
Set up rules for yourself thatalign with those values.
(29:13):
Stay mindful of impulses and bewith them instead of acting on
them.
Remind yourself of your valuesand recommit to making decisions
as your highest self Impulse.
Control is an exercise of themind.
It's a character builder.
Yes, you will likely receiveextrinsic benefits, including
improved health, but it's whoyou become through practicing
(29:34):
self mastery that matters.
As you shrink the space betweenwho you are now and who you
aspire to be, you will startexperiencing a remarkable sense
of fulfillment and genuinehappiness which, unlike
immediate gratification, indersthe more you show up as your
highest self, your true self.
That is when you really startto thrive.
(29:55):
I would love to help you getthere.
If this episode really hit homeand you would like help
designing and honoring a planthat will transform your life,
get in touch with me atsarahmycatelcom.
That's all for now.
Thank you for listening andhave a beautiful week wherever
you are.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.