Virtuous Procrastination: When ‘Doing Good’ Becomes an Avoidance Tactic

Are you procrastinating more than you think you are? In this episode, I’m talking about virtuous procrastination – the act of avoiding discomfort, uncertainty, or purposeful risk by busying yourself with work that appears responsible, generous, and good. Volunteering. Overcommitting. Over-preparing. It looks admirable, but sometimes it’s just a sneaky distraction from what’s most important to you. 

Read the article.

***

I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel, a communication and mindset coach. My work is about helping people like you share your voice, strengthen your relationships, and have more fun.

As an American expat living in the U.K., I value curiosity, courage, and joy. A few things I love: wandering European streets in search of the best vegetarian meal, practicing Italian, and helping my clients design lives that feel rich and meaningful.

If you're ready to stop procrastinating so you can live the life you truly want – let’s talk.

We can also chat on Insta :)

Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? 

I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.

Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Last episode, I talked about the quiet cost of
things are fine when we let ourdesire for comfort lull us into
inaction.
Today I want to explore asimilar thread.
I call it virtuousprocrastination.
Virtuous procrastination is theact of avoiding discomfort,
uncertainty, or purposeful riskby busying yourself with work

(00:23):
that appears responsible,generous, or admirable.
Or at least it feels like you'renot doing anything wrong.
And it might be something thatyou're not even conscious of.
For example, when I have to packin the past, that was the last
thing I wanted to do.
So maybe I will start to clean,or who I'm I'm kidding, I would

(00:45):
probably be more likely to startmaking a lasagna, even though
I'm about to leave for a week ora month or something like that.
But I wasn't doing anything badper se.
I was being productive.
Just not the kind of productivethat I wanted to be.
This came up with a client,we'll call her Julie, who was
telling me about her newvolunteer work at a food pantry.

(01:07):
And as she's as she's telling methis, I'm thinking, oh wow,
that's very kind of you.
I even said that's what agenerous way to spend your time.
But as we're talking, Juliesaid, you know what?
I think I'm volunteering rightnow, so I don't have to work on
my business.
And this was great awareness onher part.
She recognized her avoidancetendencies, and that's a big

(01:30):
thing we were working ontogether.
She recognized that heravoidance was at play and
keeping her stuck and stressed.
Virtuous procrastination is thesneakiest type of avoidance
because it doesn't look likeavoidance.
You're not binge watching ordoom scrolling.
You are helping or doingsomething good, you're

(01:50):
contributing.
And doing good is important.
Being useful, being of service,giving back.
That's part of what it means tobe a decent human being.
A good stoic.
But it's also important torecognize when doing good has
become a way to avoid doing thething that matters most to you.

(02:11):
And that's what I want to talkabout today.
When is being good justprocrastination in disguise?
And how can you shift out ofthis?
What looks like selflessness,diligence, or leadership can
become an excuse to ignore whatyou say are your priorities.
Especially the life-changingthings like buying a house,

(02:34):
changing careers, movingcountries.
Lately I've been hearing from alot of people who say they want
to start a business.
They are sick of companylayoffs, change transformations
that are happening.
There's a lot of uncertainty,and people are feeling like
maybe I can take charge of mylife and start my own thing.

(02:55):
Or maybe they're just simplytired of what they've been doing
for years and they want to trysomething new.
Take Amelia.
She is a corporate professionaland she has been talking about
starting a side hustle for overa year, but she says she's too
overstretched to make space forit.
Even though it's one of her toppriorities.

(03:16):
She doesn't make it a priority.
She spends her time saying yesto every project, and she
herself will say, I want to beseen as somebody who can handle
it all.
I want to be seen as somebodywho is really clever.
And from the outside, Amelialooks ambitious and helpful, and

(03:37):
she is, but her actions areclassic virtuous
procrastination.
Because her real goal is to goout on her own to do her own
thing.
But her desire for praise iskeeping her tethered to her
current job.
And this external motivation isa nice distraction from the

(03:58):
internal discomfort that isarising out of her uncertainty
around building something of herown.
So she doesn't want to feelthose unpleasant feelings.
So she'll just focus on thisexternal praise that is
completely dragging her awayfrom the life that she says she
wants.
Amelia says she values autonomy,creativity, making an impact,

(04:23):
but her actions don't reflectthat.
She overcommits, she strugglesto let go when things aren't
working, and she fills hercalendar with tasks that make
her feel needed but notfulfilled.
Again, she is allowing herselfto get pulled into other
people's urgencies, and then shetells herself she's too busy to

(04:46):
focus on her dream.
Can you relate to any of this?
Maybe you're more like Helen,who over-prepares for meetings
to the point of panic,memorizing scripts, trying to
anticipate every question.
And from the outside, it lookslike diligence or being
proactive.
But again, this is virtuousprocrastination because

(05:09):
underneath it is fear, it is notvirtue that is driving her.
Or maybe you have pulled a Pamat some point in your life.
Pam decides to skip her friend'sparty because she has to watch
the kids.
Even though the party's been onthe calendar for a month and she
could have found a sitter, butshe didn't feel like going, and

(05:31):
instead of rallying for herfriend, she made herself feel
better by convincing herselfthat staying home was the
responsible choice.
Each of these behaviors that Italked about can be rationalized
as the right thing to do.
And this is something that helpsus feel better in the short
term, but has serious long-termconsequences.

(05:54):
Virtuous procrastination feelsproductive, praiseworthy.
It keeps you in motion, but notin the direction you want to go.
So how can you tell whensomething virtuous is really
avoidance?
Try this three-step check-in.
One, start with a pause.
If your default is saying yes,build in some space before you

(06:19):
commit.
So ask, why do I want to dothis?
How does this move me closer tomy or our goal?
Two, understand your motivation.
Ask, is this something Igenuinely want or something I
feel I should do?
Would I be saying yes to avoidcertain emotions or situations

(06:40):
like guilt or conflict?
And three, get clear on yourpriorities.
Every task takes time, energy,and attention.

So ask yourself (06:50):
if I take this on, what will I have to say no
to?
What's important to me rightnow?
Sometimes virtuousprocrastination only affects us
as an individual.
And then there are times when weuse it to avoid discomfort in
relationships, dodging conflict,skipping out on commitments,

(07:12):
telling ourselves we're beingresponsible when really we're
just choosing what feels betterin the moment.
We use virtuous procrastinationto try and control outcomes,
over-preparing, over-committing,overhelping.
But if your good behavior isn'taligned with what matters most
to you, it's probably notvirtue.

(07:34):
It's avoidance.
And just because something isnoble or interesting, it doesn't
mean that it's right for you ormaybe just not right now.
And even if it is, it doesn'tmean that it needs your full
capacity.
So ask yourself, am I doing thisbecause it aligns with my values
or because it helps me avoiddiscomfort?

(07:55):
You don't need to stop beinggood.
You just need to stop hidingbehind it.
That's all for now.
Thank you so much for listening.
And if you are ready to finallytake action on those dreams
you've been thinking about foryears and you would like my
help, let's have a chat.

(08:16):
Click on the link in the episodenotes and let's work together to
move you forward on your dreams.