You've Changed. Let's Honor That.

To move forward, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is pause and take stock of how far you’ve come. 

Read the article.

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I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel, a communication and mindset coach. My work is about helping people like you share your voice, strengthen your relationships, and have more fun.

As an American expat living in the U.K., I value curiosity, courage, and joy. A few things I love: wandering European streets in search of the best vegetarian meal, practicing Italian, and helping my clients design lives that feel rich and meaningful.

If you're ready to have conversations that open doors – in your career, your relationships, and your life – let’s talk.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Can you think of a moment recently where you
handled something much betterthan you would have a year ago
or 10 or 20 years ago?
You have come a long way andit's important to honor that.
A few episodes ago I shared whyslowing down to savor your wins
helps make positive changestick.

(00:21):
Reflection is a big part ofthis and something that I
practice with my clients,because without pausing to
reflect, it's easy to miss howmuch has shifted for you.
I will hear a client casuallymention that they asked for help
or spoke up in a meeting and Iwill stop them right there and

(00:43):
say wait, can we pause for amoment and recognize that this
would have totally derailed youa few weeks ago?
And then they do pause and abig smile crosses their face and
they say oh yeah, I didn't evenrealize that.
And this is because internalshifts happen so slowly that we
don't recognize them whilethey're happening.

(01:04):
It's like the season's changingSummer is slipping into autumn
and you don't notice the leavesturning one by one.
But then one morning you arewalking through a forest of red
and orange and gold, at leastwhere I'm from.
Lasting transformation rarelyarrives in one big dramatic

(01:26):
moment.
It tends to show up throughsmall, deliberate choices that
stretch you just a little beyondyour comfort zone.
I had one of those momentsrecently and how I reacted would
have completely shocked20-year-old me.
It happened at the Elms, a 1901French chateau in Newport,

(01:48):
rhode Island, and my family andI were outside standing under a
very leafy turnaround in thedriveway, and this is where
horses and carriages oncecircled to drop off food and
supplies and staff.
And we are here because we areon the servant's tour and the

(02:10):
guide tells us that this outdoorspace was designed so that
wealthy owners never had to seethe help come and go.
So if they were up looking outtheir windows, all they would
see was this green canopy ofleaves, and then everything else
was happening underneath, andthey used to say that their

(02:32):
house ran as if by magiceffortless, invisible.
They joked about their estatebeing run by elves.
As we move into the mansionitself, my dad has to bow out,
and this is because the servantslived at the very top of a
winding staircase that neverseems to end, and with his

(02:53):
upcoming knee surgery, thisclimb was just not feasible.
So he goes and waits for us inthe cafe on this huge sprawling
ground of this estate and whenmy mom and I catch up with him
later he is still wearing hisvisitor's badge for the tour.
So I volunteered to go and handit back.

(03:15):
And then I say to my mom I'llask if they'll refund his ticket
, since he wasn't able toparticipate in the tour.
And my mom said it's okay, youdon't have to.
I doubt that they'll give themoney back anyway and I can tell
she doesn't want me to have tostep into this potential
conflict.
But I'm happy to.
And years ago I would havetalked myself out of it.

(03:38):
I would have worried that Iwould upset somebody or
embarrass myself or been seen asa difficult person would upset
somebody or embarrass myself orbeen seen as a difficult person.
But this time I walked rightback into the front lobby and I
explained the situation.
I was kind, I was calm, I washonest, I didn't make a big deal
about it.
I also didn't shrink and aftera short back and forth and two

(04:00):
rounds of let me check with mysupervisor, with different
people, they gave us the $25refund.
No drama, no spiraling.
This was a win for introvertswho make the ask and for anyone
practicing courage in smalleveryday ways, because this
wasn't just about the $25.

(04:20):
The bigger win was choosing tostep into potential discomfort
for a purpose.
It was about practicingsomething that used to feel
terrifying, so voicing a request, entering a moment of possible
tension and realizing that itdidn't really bother me at all.

(04:41):
But this was because I have putmyself in situations like this
and created my own exposuretherapy over the years and also
worked on my mindset and thosesmall, repeated acts of courage,
these tiny stretches.
This is what rewires our brainand gets us to think of the

(05:05):
world and ourselves in adifferent way, and it's what
builds confidence.
This willingness to feelawkward or to be told no, it's
doing the thing that scares youuntil it doesn't.
To my knowledge, we don't havemagical elves that can do this
for us, on our behalf.
We need to put in the work andwe need to pay attention when we

(05:28):
do, we have to notice when wechoose.
We make a conscious choice tochoose a healthy challenge over
autopilot, especially when lifegets hard, and I call this a
Hercules moment, when we come toa fork in the road and we
decide we are going to take thepath of integrity, even though

(05:51):
it might not feel great.
In the moment we're steppinginto discomfort.
We're choosing to become abetter version of ourselves,
choosing that integrity pathinstead of a path that is more
based on impulse and feelinggood in the short term.
And when I say feeling good, Imean this is also avoidance

(06:15):
tactics and ways that we numbout or shut down because we
don't want to deal withsomething that's emotionally
hard in the moment, includingasking for a refund or asking
for support in any kind of way.
And this is what Hercules did Ispoke about this on the podcast
before he came across two women, vice and virtue, and he chose

(06:42):
the virtuous path.
He wouldn't have become Herculesas we know it if he didn't
choose the path that made himstrong, if he didn't choose the
path that made him strong.
So a Hercules moment is comingto a crossroads and taking the
path of integrity over impulse.
And while we don't have elvesto help us, the Stoics said that

(07:02):
we have something else an innerwisdom, a daimon, a divine
spark to help guide our actions.
If we choose to slow down andpay attention to that voice, and
when we do, and we choose thatpath of integrity and
continuously choose right action, and that's all the small steps

(07:25):
moving us forward.
This adds up to a mountain ofproof of what we're capable of.
So pay attention to theevidence, pay attention to when
you've done the hard thing andcelebrate that and honor how far
you've come.
This is what's going to supportyou in whatever comes next.

(07:47):
That's all for now.
Thanks for listening and have abeautiful week, wherever you
are.