December 18, 2024 • 26 mins
What's your relationship to work? On today’s episode, David Newson dives deep into American work culture, what it does to your brain, some of the signs that work is taking over the rest of your life, and steps we can all take to strike a healthy balance between our professional and personal lives.
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Links to references:
https://hbr.org/2024/09/confessions-from-1000-workaholics?ab=seriesnav-bigidea
Max Weber and the Protestant Ethic
Capitalism in Early America | US History to 1865 | Study Hall
Why is Gen Z rejecting hustle culture and redefining the meaning of work? | The Stream
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hello, I'm your host David Newsonand welcome to Coated in Gold.
Inspired by Kintsugi, the Japaneseart of repairing broken pottery with Gold.
This podcast explores the fractured, yetbeautiful
pieces of our modern lives.
Drawing on my diverse careerand deep curiosity about business
and the philosophy of modern living,I dive in to compelling stories
(00:25):
and speak with high performing,multidimensional individuals
to uncover momentsof insight and learning.
So let's get started.
Welcome to this week'sepisode of Coated in Gold.
I'm your host, David Newson.
I have to tell you that the headspaceI'm coming to you all with
(00:48):
today is appropriate for our topic.
It's Friday.
I have carved out a chunk of my dayto record this episode, but
I would be lying to you if I didn't admitthat there is a very real part of my mind
that is still on all of the other workthat is piling up in the background.
So what is today's topic?
I want to talk about our relationshipwith work.
(01:11):
I am lucky that I love what I dowhen I'm deep in my work.
My brain releases all those amazingneurochemicals like dopamine.
I'm invested and activated.
I don't get tired.
I don't need caffeine in a flow state.
My brain is simply telling meto go, go, go.
(01:33):
And then it's hard to shut that off.
I wouldn't say I'm a workaholic.
People in my life might say it,but I wouldn't.
It can take a toll on everythingfrom my body to my relationships
with others to constantlybeing this deep into my work.
I have a big birthday
coming up this January,and it's caused a moment of reflection
(01:54):
and a time for me to think deeplyabout what I've been through,
where I am now, and how I can improve
this next chapter of my life.
I'm questioning for the first timehow much of a priority I want my work
to be over all the other amazing things
in my life, in particular my family.
(02:16):
But I know I'm not alone.
Let's faceit, most Americans are obsessed with work,
even when they don't want to be.
I recently read an articlefrom the Harvard Business Review
Confessions from 1000 Workaholics.
They surveyed high performersaround the globe who had come to realize
that they had an unhealthy relationshipwith work.
(02:38):
And I have to admit,as I was reading through, a lot of what
they said resonated.
I'm curious as I go through,if you'll relate to some of the ways
people realized they were workaholicsincluded things
like sneaking out to check work, emailwhen you should be engaged socially.
Well, oops.
(02:58):
I know when work
is getting to me,my brain will start to tell me.
Come on, David.
Your time could be spent right nowin your office.
I know it's family time,but what about all those emails?
Another telltale sign of workaholismis having thoughts of work.
Interrupt your ability to sleep well.
(03:19):
Check that off the list for me too.
I know when I have multiple projectsgoing on and deadlines
coming up, thoughts of what's comingnext will bounce around.
This one I have been able to managea little bit better and I'll touch on this
more at the end when we discuss strategiesfor a better work balance.
(03:40):
One anecdote from the HPR articlethat really stuck
with me was a womanwho is on vacation in Mexico.
Okay, picturethis on a boat in the middle of the ocean.
Her hard work had earned her this time offin a beautiful city,
on a beautiful boat, and she was thinking
about how she should respond to an email.
(04:00):
Can you imagine?
I am determinedto not make the same mistake.
Workaholism can also have a major impacton your health.
For those of us that work at desks,you'd think that you're safe
from workplace injuries.
But people get everything from carpaltunnel to back problems, all just from
sitting hunched over our keyboardsfor eight plus hours at a time.
(04:22):
You can also start to lose touchwith the natural cues of your body.
I have experienced this firsthand.
I'm an entrepreneur now, butwhen I was working in a corporate setting,
I was traveling all the time in meetings
for both East and West Coast time zones.
I wanted to be a high performer andI was surrounded by other high performers.
(04:45):
So I would be in meetingsfrom literally 8:00 in the morning
until eight, nine, 10:00 at night.
Then I was back on the roadfor one or two weeks at a time,
maybe a month here and there.
It got to the pointwhere I was in back to back meetings
so often that I would need to interruptfor a bio break mid meeting
because I had not left a single momentin my schedule for me.
(05:09):
I want to pause on the termbio break for a moment.
It's a piece of corporate lingothat we have created
because we need to professionalizeour most basic human needs.
Eating, drinking water,going to the bathroom.
These are all fundamental thingswe need to do to survive.
(05:30):
And we are hiding and apologizing for itin our language at work.
Sterilize it, professionalize it.Now back to work.
Nowadays, I make sure my time is managedwell enough that I can do
everything I need to get done in a dayand still dedicate a moment for lunch.
But I still catch myselftrying to make exceptions
because I want to meet with a clientthat day.
(05:52):
And managing other people'stime can be tricky.
I have to pause,step back, question myself
if this is all really as urgentas it can feel.
Another unexpected way.
I have seen my worktake a toll on my body is my teeth.
Now I've been battlingchronic gum disease for years.
(06:14):
I could not figure out what was going on.
I don't smoke.
I have good oral hygiene, flossingand brushing twice a day, maybe even more.
So I went in to see a periodontistand he asked me about myself.
I tell him I'm a CMO.
The next questionhe asked was, Are you stressed?
Well, of course I'm stressed.
(06:34):
Then he asks me what I'm doing to managemy stress, and I had to pause.
I didn't accidentally walkinto a therapist's
office by mistakeright as I was sitting in his chair.
I had to ask myself if I was in control
of how I was managing my work stress.
I'm taking strategiesand wearing a night guard now
(06:55):
to bettertake care of my body while I'm working.
You'dthink with all of these negative health
effects,we'd all just get up and walk away.
But our modern work cultureworks on our brains in an interesting way.
There are some qualities of addictionthat are universal, be it drugs
(07:16):
or gambling, or even less immediatelyharmful habits, like overusing our phones.
Thankfully, as conversations aroundall of this are becoming
more normal in daily life,we can start to recognize them.
What is happening in our mindswhen we have these workaholic tendencies?
Sometimes work can trigger your fightor flight response.
(07:39):
You know the feelingyou've had right before a big meeting.
Your face is flushed.
Your hands and feetget kind of cold or numb.
The cortisol is rushing through your body.
And these chemicals that were meantto protect you from the bear in the woods
suddenly make you sweat through your shirtin an air conditioned office.
Often we're chasing that sweetdopamine of success.
(08:02):
You go into that meeting and you nail it.
You get praise from your leaders.
You get praise from your peers.
You feel the satisfaction of completingsomething you worked so hard on.
And your brain goes wild.
So we just keep cyclingbetween these highs and lows.
Because even though you'renot in any danger
and you may not be winning any awards,
(08:24):
the stakes of our careerscan still feel very high.
For me, I am lucky to be fueledby my passion for my job.
At this point in my career,I love chasing new business.
I love being able to flex my decadesof experience and find new challenges.
It's satisfying to use my brainto solve hard problems
(08:44):
and show offa little bit of my mental acuity.
Working with new clientsmeans I get a new set of puzzles
to sort through every day.
And I have to confess,maybe I've always loved work.
Growing up in a small town in upstate
New York,my dream was to be a CEO in the big city.
When I had a paper route,I owned an adding machine.
It was actually my first purchaseso I could track my totals for the week.
(09:09):
I wanted to know if I needed to deliver
papers earlier when someone would be homeso I could collect.
Later on in college at BrighamYoung University.
I was asked in a class to writewhat I wanted my obituary to read.
I said the retired CEO of AT&T.
I'm not sure why AT&T specifically.
Although I did love the phone.
(09:29):
I guess I was also a huge fan of all
the self-help business booksI've read most of them.
Stephen Covey'sseven Habits of Highly Effective People.
Dale Carnegie'sHow to Win Friends and Influence People.
I even listened to cassettetapes of Zig Ziglar, a salesman
and motivational speakeron my drive to my retail job every day.
(09:50):
You know, sometimes I wonderif part of my fixation on working
was in part an answer to anxietyabout money and stability.
I was one of five kids and my dad left
my family and moved pretty far awaywhen I was young.
I think I was nine years old.
In some families, divorce can be smooth,but it's almost always expensive.
(10:14):
Overnight, our socioeconomic statuschanged.
It became a question of if we were goingto pay the mortgage month to month,
even thoughwe never ultimately ended up in poverty.
You still felt it in the air.
It wasn't there all the time,
but it would creep in often enoughthat it stuck with me.
(10:34):
My mom was also definitelynot going to be able
to cover college tuitionfor all five kids.
She helped as much as she could,but it was the expectation that
we would be working to fill in the gaps.
It was also the expectationthat you would be grateful
for your abilityto do all of these things.
I'm privileged to have always been ableto take care of myself through adulthood.
(10:56):
I now work with clientsin wealth management,
and I've learned that even if you have
five, ten, 15, 25, $50 Million,
these formative memories around moneystay with you into adulthood.
This scarcity mindset can shapehow you make financial decisions,
(11:17):
even when you have more than enoughto live comfortably.
I also wonderif some of our anxieties around
work are related to how much job stabilityhas changed over the years.
I grew up in the 1980sand careers used to be stable.
If you went to college,that was your ticket to a better life.
My mom's family were bricklayers,and her wisdom at the time was
(11:37):
that when your job is based on your body'sability to perform, it can be risky.
College was supposed to be my ticketto long term security.
When I entered the workforce,
it was expected that I would earn moreand collect a pension.
You could work for a companyyour entire career
and in 30 to 40 years,get a big retirement party.
(11:58):
A pension that could afford youa good car, a house and a good life.
Well into retirement.
Well, over time,it seems like we've lost the security.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I know we've lostthe security.
Gen Xers are also knownas the generation like that.
It was the big experiment with the 401k,and here we are
experimentingliterally with four in one case.
(12:21):
Layoffs happen constantly.
Pensions are rare,and many people in the United States
wonderif they will be able to retire at all.
So we all work a lot and we work hard.
Going back into my own history with work,maybe curious
about the deeper history of American workculture.
I'll link to the sources for all of thisin the show notes, for all the hard facts.
(12:44):
But here's my understandingof what I found
going all the way back to England
in the time of lords and peasants, workers
actually only worked about 175 days
a year, not even half the year.
The other half was spent on feast daysand holidays
and living their liveswith their families.
(13:06):
Then the Protestant Revolution happenedand with it grew
capitalism in pretty much the formwe all know it today.
These Protestants believed that noteveryone was secured a place in heaven,
and the only way to ensure your spotwas to work hard in your community.
Now, it's not my placeto dispute this belief at all.
(13:27):
Stepping awayfrom the questions of religion,
I can't help but put my marketer hat on.
Marketers are always trying to understandhow people's minds work.
Creating magnetism and uncoveringunmet needs.
These needs give rise to desire
for products or servicesthat a company makes available.
So if it were me in this time periodrunning a business with workers or selling
(13:50):
my wares and I want to make surepeople have money to buy them,
how do I get people to work?
Really hard?
Telling
them it will get them into heavenisn't a bad tactic.
Of course, if you were someonewho believed that working would earn you
a place in heaven,it also meant you would want to make sure
(14:11):
all your loved ones worked hard too,so they could come with you.
These Protestants were
the colonizers who would eventually cometo America and shape
the culture of our early founders duringand after the American Revolution.
It was also critical for the countryto earn a lot of money very quickly
(14:32):
so our nation could sustain itselfindependently.
Now, make no mistake, this was like
the greatest start up that ever existed.
They arrived and had to bootstrap
a bunch of unruly coloniesinto something resembling a country.
They needed to have a product marketfit as quickly as possible,
and by some miracle, we did it.
(14:55):
Fast forwarding
through a lot of important history,which is worthy of its own podcast.
We jump into the Industrial Revolution.
Americans are moving away from farmwork to working in factories
and now we are working up to 100 hoursa week.
Oh, and don't forget,children are also in the factories
(15:15):
because no one is earning highenough wages to sustain their families.
We are in radically different times
than the peasants who fought to emergefrom the monarchy and some pretty awful
things like the Triangle Shirtwaistfactory fire happened.
So this kicks off.
The labor movementthat set the 40 hour workweek
(15:36):
gave us weekends and even establishedthe federal minimum wage.
post-World War two white men returningfrom war were supported by the GI Bill.
A government mandate that paid for collegehelped them buy houses and encouraged
men to return to work to provide themwith, you guessed it, purpose.
Of course, these government supportswere not doled out equally to women,
(15:58):
people of color and other groups.
Fast forwarding again to today,the average number of work hours has
creeped up to 47 per week,
pulling back from the country'shistory to my own.
I remember being instilledwith a mormon work
ethic that is pretty reminiscentof what the early Protestants believed
(16:18):
work ethic was
instilled in the church and at home.
My parents believed in honest, hard work.
That phrase I heard over
and over again honest, hard work.
At church, they would say thingslike faith without works gets you nowhere.
Going back to marketing,if you want to create a model
(16:40):
or a systemthat sits deeply within a human being,
that drives human behaviortoward work and wealth creation,
religious work ethic, and by extension,workaholism definitely gets us there.
This system can createmyths about hard work, always paying off
and ignoreswhen inequality disproves this philosophy.
(17:02):
At certain times of my career.
I was incredibly worried aboutmeasuring up.
Is the bar for success just kept movinghigher and higher and higher.
The American dream was a promisethat if you just work hard
enough, you can be and attainanything that you want.
I think at this point,most of our eyes are open to the fact
(17:25):
that this is only truefor a very lucky few.
But when you're raised in this system,it can feel like you are failing.
When the system is failing you
as if struggling financiallyis a moral failing of some kind, that
you got laid off because you just didn'twork hard enough to earn your place.
(17:48):
But we have
seen our system fail us insome pretty big ways
that while horrific for so many,opened our eyes to the fact that
struggling financially has nothing to dowith how hard you work.
I've noticedthat younger generations in the workforce
have a very different relationshipwith works, and my peers do.
(18:09):
And it's no wonder we all rememberthe financial crisis of the mid 2000s.
The youngest millennials saw their parentsgo through
economic instability rightas they were becoming aware of the world.
And the oldest millennialswere struggling to enter the workforce.
They took on immense student debt,
hoping more education would delayhaving to join a volatile job market.
(18:33):
They are the first generation unlikelyto own a home before their forties
and work just isn't giving back to themthe way it used to.
Older members of GenZ are now in their twenties
and they've only seen the strugglesof the generation before.
It makes sensethat like in all relationships,
if you're putting inmore than you're getting, eventually
(18:56):
you're going to want to disconnectand simply move on.
If workisn't providing anything rewarding,
they want to get as much as they canfrom it and get out quickly.
Millennials and GenZ have given rise to the fire movement.
Fire stands for financial independence.
Retire early.
Many young people are trying to becomedigital nomads, working online
(19:20):
from anywhere in the world.
If they aren't sure that their workwill pay off
in the long run, why not enjoy lifenow while you're working?
Okay, so we've gone through all of this,the origins of workaholism,
our feelings on work, and what overworkingis doing to our minds and our bodies.
It begs the question,how do we find a balance
(19:42):
that allows us to be engaged in our workand then shut it off
and give full attentionto the rest of our lives?
I think a massive shift
happened for all of usin trying to work through COVID.
Prior to the shutdown,
I went into a hybrid work scheduleand I had a really hard time with it.
I was in the officeevery other week, three days a week,
(20:04):
and it meant I was never really steadyin any particular place.
Then the shutdown happens now.
I don't want to say there were upsidesto being stuck in your house all day
with the anxiety of a global pandemicjust outside your doorstep.
We all went through a collective trauma
that I don't thinkany of us have really unpacked yet.
(20:26):
If you can put that aside for a moment,
there was a moment of reprioritizing.
We all went through.
We were spending more timewith our families.
We didn't have to be stuck in a commute4 hours a day and the weight of our jobs
suddenly felt, well, a little sillyas we've come out of lockdowns.
(20:46):
Now there is a push from many companiesto return to the office,
and I'm curious to see how successfulthese mandates will be.
We all saw that time could be hours
and productivity wouldn'tgo down in the wealth management business.
Return to office has been really slow.
Now, am I saying everyone should be fullyremote all of the time? No.
(21:08):
Being in an officecan be really collaborative and it fosters
relationshipsthat make work easier and more enjoyable.
But also, let's be honest,is every meeting that we used to have
to fill the time in the officeactually moving the needle?
I'd guess probably not.
I also love the intentionalityof asynchronous communication.
(21:31):
You can be respectfulof how other people budget
their time and connectwhen it makes sense.
Most of us working office jobs
are not putting out actual firesor saving lives.
Our emails can wait an hour, maybe two.
No matter your
working style or location, the key
(21:53):
to maintaining a healthy relationshipwith work is setting boundaries.
I realized a few years agothat I desperately needed
some boundaries when it came to work.
I started with a coach who helped meblock out time on my calendar
to ensure I was making time for my familyand myself.
I wanted to pick up my son,but that time kept getting scattered over
(22:16):
even when I blocked it off on my calendar.
I hadn't told anyone what it was for,so they assumed it was flexible,
which is also interesting.
I had to be braveand actually tell my coworkers,
no, this is an important time for meand my family.
I was luckythat they all seemed to understand,
and once we had the conversation,they respected the time I set aside.
(22:40):
I also do this for all importantfamily events,
like teacher conferences,play dates, birthday parties,
and I'm committed to being there fullyand not being pulled back into work.
Another way I've set boundaries for myselfis by putting timers on my apps
and turning off my deviceswhen I want to be present with my family
(23:01):
or when it's time for sleep.
I also turned off all notificationsexcept for my close family.
My phone never makes a sound.
It never buzzes in my pocket.
I don't even have the onscreen badgenotifications.
Like the little thingwith a little like over the counter,
like how many emails you have.
Now I check my email when I check it.
Taking a page from Cal Newport's books.
(23:22):
Deep work and slow productivity.
I have managed my working anxiety,interfering
with my sleepby keeping a notebook by my bed.
He recommends keeping a list for the endof your day with how you left things.
He stresses that writingit down is important for your brain.
It creates a ritual
and a physical artifact,and it helps to mark the end of your day.
(23:45):
Now, am I always consistent in that?
But if somethingcomes up in the middle of the night,
I can write it down so I can put it aside
and feel safe knowing itwill be there for me in the morning.
Having these boundaries and clearlyarticulating them is also important to me.
Now, as a leader, I set the tonefor everyone else I work with.
(24:06):
It's my job to normalize taking time off,ending your workday
at a reasonable time, and prioritizingwhat's important to me outside of work.
I also want to make surethat while I'm praising hard work,
I don't reinforceworking past the zone of productivity.
Burnout doesn't help anyone,not your colleagues,
not your leaders,and certainly not yourself.
(24:29):
I also make sure I create support systems
for my employees to feel comfortabletaking their time off.
I love being an entrepreneurbecause I can take off for two weeks
and travel and go to placeswhere my email might not even work.
But I have built that trust in my team.
We have cross-training and backupsfor everything.
We have backups for project managementand domain experts.
(24:52):
Redundancies ensure that things can run
smoothly when someone is takingtheir well-earned time off.
Now, I should sayI still haven't mastered this.
I'm paraphrasing here, but Indra Nooyi,former CEO of PepsiCo, says
that there is no such thingas true balance, meaning
everything is getting equal attentionall at once.
(25:14):
It's really about prioritizingwhat you're doing at the moment.
As she says, you have to leaveyour crown in the garage.
And this is a funny one for me.
When you come home,you're not a CEO anymore.
You're an equal member of your familyand you have to show up that way.
So that's somethingI'm actually working on now.
My hope
(25:34):
is that soon enough, with some practiceand staying mindful,
I can leave my crown in this officeand not carry
this entrepreneur personainto dinner time with my family.
I'd love to hear more from you.
What are you working on when it comes
to balancing work and your daily life?
What boundaries have you set?
(25:56):
What are your struggleswhen it comes to working?
Please keep the conversationgoing in the comments
and share the showso we can grow this amazing community.
Thanks for listening to Coated in Gold.
I've been your host, David Nuzum.
You can follow the podcast on Instagram,YouTube,
(26:17):
LinkedIn and anywhere podcasts are found.
Take care.
Hello, I'm your host David Newsonand welcome to Coated in Gold.
Inspired by Kintsugi, the Japaneseart of repairing broken pottery with Gold.
This podcast explores the fractured, yetbeautiful
pieces of our modern lives.
Drawing on my diverse careerand deep curiosity about business
and the philosophy of modern living,I dive in to compelling stories
(00:25):
and speak with high performing,multidimensional individuals
to uncover momentsof insight and learning.
So let's get started.
Welcome to this week'sepisode of Coated in Gold.
I'm your host, David Newson.
I have to tell you that the headspaceI'm coming to you all with
(00:48):
today is appropriate for our topic.
It's Friday.
I have carved out a chunk of my dayto record this episode, but
I would be lying to you if I didn't admitthat there is a very real part of my mind
that is still on all of the other workthat is piling up in the background.
So what is today's topic?
I want to talk about our relationshipwith work.
(01:11):
I am lucky that I love what I dowhen I'm deep in my work.
My brain releases all those amazingneurochemicals like dopamine.
I'm invested and activated.
I don't get tired.
I don't need caffeine in a flow state.
My brain is simply telling meto go, go, go.
(01:33):
And then it's hard to shut that off.
I wouldn't say I'm a workaholic.
People in my life might say it,but I wouldn't.
It can take a toll on everythingfrom my body to my relationships
with others to constantlybeing this deep into my work.
I have a big birthday
coming up this January,and it's caused a moment of reflection
(01:54):
and a time for me to think deeplyabout what I've been through,
where I am now, and how I can improve
this next chapter of my life.
I'm questioning for the first timehow much of a priority I want my work
to be over all the other amazing things
in my life, in particular my family.
(02:16):
But I know I'm not alone.
Let's faceit, most Americans are obsessed with work,
even when they don't want to be.
I recently read an articlefrom the Harvard Business Review
Confessions from 1000 Workaholics.
They surveyed high performersaround the globe who had come to realize
that they had an unhealthy relationshipwith work.
(02:38):
And I have to admit,as I was reading through, a lot of what
they said resonated.
I'm curious as I go through,if you'll relate to some of the ways
people realized they were workaholicsincluded things
like sneaking out to check work, emailwhen you should be engaged socially.
Well, oops.
(02:58):
I know when work
is getting to me,my brain will start to tell me.
Come on, David.
Your time could be spent right nowin your office.
I know it's family time,but what about all those emails?
Another telltale sign of workaholismis having thoughts of work.
Interrupt your ability to sleep well.
(03:19):
Check that off the list for me too.
I know when I have multiple projectsgoing on and deadlines
coming up, thoughts of what's comingnext will bounce around.
This one I have been able to managea little bit better and I'll touch on this
more at the end when we discuss strategiesfor a better work balance.
(03:40):
One anecdote from the HPR articlethat really stuck
with me was a womanwho is on vacation in Mexico.
Okay, picturethis on a boat in the middle of the ocean.
Her hard work had earned her this time offin a beautiful city,
on a beautiful boat, and she was thinking
about how she should respond to an email.
(04:00):
Can you imagine?
I am determinedto not make the same mistake.
Workaholism can also have a major impacton your health.
For those of us that work at desks,you'd think that you're safe
from workplace injuries.
But people get everything from carpaltunnel to back problems, all just from
sitting hunched over our keyboardsfor eight plus hours at a time.
(04:22):
You can also start to lose touchwith the natural cues of your body.
I have experienced this firsthand.
I'm an entrepreneur now, butwhen I was working in a corporate setting,
I was traveling all the time in meetings
for both East and West Coast time zones.
I wanted to be a high performer andI was surrounded by other high performers.
(04:45):
So I would be in meetingsfrom literally 8:00 in the morning
until eight, nine, 10:00 at night.
Then I was back on the roadfor one or two weeks at a time,
maybe a month here and there.
It got to the pointwhere I was in back to back meetings
so often that I would need to interruptfor a bio break mid meeting
because I had not left a single momentin my schedule for me.
(05:09):
I want to pause on the termbio break for a moment.
It's a piece of corporate lingothat we have created
because we need to professionalizeour most basic human needs.
Eating, drinking water,going to the bathroom.
These are all fundamental thingswe need to do to survive.
(05:30):
And we are hiding and apologizing for itin our language at work.
Sterilize it, professionalize it.Now back to work.
Nowadays, I make sure my time is managedwell enough that I can do
everything I need to get done in a dayand still dedicate a moment for lunch.
But I still catch myselftrying to make exceptions
because I want to meet with a clientthat day.
(05:52):
And managing other people'stime can be tricky.
I have to pause,step back, question myself
if this is all really as urgentas it can feel.
Another unexpected way.
I have seen my worktake a toll on my body is my teeth.
Now I've been battlingchronic gum disease for years.
(06:14):
I could not figure out what was going on.
I don't smoke.
I have good oral hygiene, flossingand brushing twice a day, maybe even more.
So I went in to see a periodontistand he asked me about myself.
I tell him I'm a CMO.
The next questionhe asked was, Are you stressed?
Well, of course I'm stressed.
(06:34):
Then he asks me what I'm doing to managemy stress, and I had to pause.
I didn't accidentally walkinto a therapist's
office by mistakeright as I was sitting in his chair.
I had to ask myself if I was in control
of how I was managing my work stress.
I'm taking strategiesand wearing a night guard now
(06:55):
to bettertake care of my body while I'm working.
You'dthink with all of these negative health
effects,we'd all just get up and walk away.
But our modern work cultureworks on our brains in an interesting way.
There are some qualities of addictionthat are universal, be it drugs
(07:16):
or gambling, or even less immediatelyharmful habits, like overusing our phones.
Thankfully, as conversations aroundall of this are becoming
more normal in daily life,we can start to recognize them.
What is happening in our mindswhen we have these workaholic tendencies?
Sometimes work can trigger your fightor flight response.
(07:39):
You know the feelingyou've had right before a big meeting.
Your face is flushed.
Your hands and feetget kind of cold or numb.
The cortisol is rushing through your body.
And these chemicals that were meantto protect you from the bear in the woods
suddenly make you sweat through your shirtin an air conditioned office.
Often we're chasing that sweetdopamine of success.
(08:02):
You go into that meeting and you nail it.
You get praise from your leaders.
You get praise from your peers.
You feel the satisfaction of completingsomething you worked so hard on.
And your brain goes wild.
So we just keep cyclingbetween these highs and lows.
Because even though you'renot in any danger
and you may not be winning any awards,
(08:24):
the stakes of our careerscan still feel very high.
For me, I am lucky to be fueledby my passion for my job.
At this point in my career,I love chasing new business.
I love being able to flex my decadesof experience and find new challenges.
It's satisfying to use my brainto solve hard problems
(08:44):
and show offa little bit of my mental acuity.
Working with new clientsmeans I get a new set of puzzles
to sort through every day.
And I have to confess,maybe I've always loved work.
Growing up in a small town in upstate
New York,my dream was to be a CEO in the big city.
When I had a paper route,I owned an adding machine.
It was actually my first purchaseso I could track my totals for the week.
(09:09):
I wanted to know if I needed to deliver
papers earlier when someone would be homeso I could collect.
Later on in college at BrighamYoung University.
I was asked in a class to writewhat I wanted my obituary to read.
I said the retired CEO of AT&T.
I'm not sure why AT&T specifically.
Although I did love the phone.
(09:29):
I guess I was also a huge fan of all
the self-help business booksI've read most of them.
Stephen Covey'sseven Habits of Highly Effective People.
Dale Carnegie'sHow to Win Friends and Influence People.
I even listened to cassettetapes of Zig Ziglar, a salesman
and motivational speakeron my drive to my retail job every day.
(09:50):
You know, sometimes I wonderif part of my fixation on working
was in part an answer to anxietyabout money and stability.
I was one of five kids and my dad left
my family and moved pretty far awaywhen I was young.
I think I was nine years old.
In some families, divorce can be smooth,but it's almost always expensive.
(10:14):
Overnight, our socioeconomic statuschanged.
It became a question of if we were goingto pay the mortgage month to month,
even thoughwe never ultimately ended up in poverty.
You still felt it in the air.
It wasn't there all the time,
but it would creep in often enoughthat it stuck with me.
(10:34):
My mom was also definitelynot going to be able
to cover college tuitionfor all five kids.
She helped as much as she could,but it was the expectation that
we would be working to fill in the gaps.
It was also the expectationthat you would be grateful
for your abilityto do all of these things.
I'm privileged to have always been ableto take care of myself through adulthood.
(10:56):
I now work with clientsin wealth management,
and I've learned that even if you have
five, ten, 15, 25, $50 Million,
these formative memories around moneystay with you into adulthood.
This scarcity mindset can shapehow you make financial decisions,
(11:17):
even when you have more than enoughto live comfortably.
I also wonderif some of our anxieties around
work are related to how much job stabilityhas changed over the years.
I grew up in the 1980sand careers used to be stable.
If you went to college,that was your ticket to a better life.
My mom's family were bricklayers,and her wisdom at the time was
(11:37):
that when your job is based on your body'sability to perform, it can be risky.
College was supposed to be my ticketto long term security.
When I entered the workforce,
it was expected that I would earn moreand collect a pension.
You could work for a companyyour entire career
and in 30 to 40 years,get a big retirement party.
(11:58):
A pension that could afford youa good car, a house and a good life.
Well into retirement.
Well, over time,it seems like we've lost the security.
In fact, I'm pretty sure I know we've lostthe security.
Gen Xers are also knownas the generation like that.
It was the big experiment with the 401k,and here we are
experimentingliterally with four in one case.
(12:21):
Layoffs happen constantly.
Pensions are rare,and many people in the United States
wonderif they will be able to retire at all.
So we all work a lot and we work hard.
Going back into my own history with work,maybe curious
about the deeper history of American workculture.
I'll link to the sources for all of thisin the show notes, for all the hard facts.
(12:44):
But here's my understandingof what I found
going all the way back to England
in the time of lords and peasants, workers
actually only worked about 175 days
a year, not even half the year.
The other half was spent on feast daysand holidays
and living their liveswith their families.
(13:06):
Then the Protestant Revolution happenedand with it grew
capitalism in pretty much the formwe all know it today.
These Protestants believed that noteveryone was secured a place in heaven,
and the only way to ensure your spotwas to work hard in your community.
Now, it's not my placeto dispute this belief at all.
(13:27):
Stepping awayfrom the questions of religion,
I can't help but put my marketer hat on.
Marketers are always trying to understandhow people's minds work.
Creating magnetism and uncoveringunmet needs.
These needs give rise to desire
for products or servicesthat a company makes available.
So if it were me in this time periodrunning a business with workers or selling
(13:50):
my wares and I want to make surepeople have money to buy them,
how do I get people to work?
Really hard?
Telling
them it will get them into heavenisn't a bad tactic.
Of course, if you were someonewho believed that working would earn you
a place in heaven,it also meant you would want to make sure
(14:11):
all your loved ones worked hard too,so they could come with you.
These Protestants were
the colonizers who would eventually cometo America and shape
the culture of our early founders duringand after the American Revolution.
It was also critical for the countryto earn a lot of money very quickly
(14:32):
so our nation could sustain itselfindependently.
Now, make no mistake, this was like
the greatest start up that ever existed.
They arrived and had to bootstrap
a bunch of unruly coloniesinto something resembling a country.
They needed to have a product marketfit as quickly as possible,
and by some miracle, we did it.
(14:55):
Fast forwarding
through a lot of important history,which is worthy of its own podcast.
We jump into the Industrial Revolution.
Americans are moving away from farmwork to working in factories
and now we are working up to 100 hoursa week.
Oh, and don't forget,children are also in the factories
(15:15):
because no one is earning highenough wages to sustain their families.
We are in radically different times
than the peasants who fought to emergefrom the monarchy and some pretty awful
things like the Triangle Shirtwaistfactory fire happened.
So this kicks off.
The labor movementthat set the 40 hour workweek
(15:36):
gave us weekends and even establishedthe federal minimum wage.
post-World War two white men returningfrom war were supported by the GI Bill.
A government mandate that paid for collegehelped them buy houses and encouraged
men to return to work to provide themwith, you guessed it, purpose.
Of course, these government supportswere not doled out equally to women,
(15:58):
people of color and other groups.
Fast forwarding again to today,the average number of work hours has
creeped up to 47 per week,
pulling back from the country'shistory to my own.
I remember being instilledwith a mormon work
ethic that is pretty reminiscentof what the early Protestants believed
(16:18):
work ethic was
instilled in the church and at home.
My parents believed in honest, hard work.
That phrase I heard over
and over again honest, hard work.
At church, they would say thingslike faith without works gets you nowhere.
Going back to marketing,if you want to create a model
(16:40):
or a systemthat sits deeply within a human being,
that drives human behaviortoward work and wealth creation,
religious work ethic, and by extension,workaholism definitely gets us there.
This system can createmyths about hard work, always paying off
and ignoreswhen inequality disproves this philosophy.
(17:02):
At certain times of my career.
I was incredibly worried aboutmeasuring up.
Is the bar for success just kept movinghigher and higher and higher.
The American dream was a promisethat if you just work hard
enough, you can be and attainanything that you want.
I think at this point,most of our eyes are open to the fact
(17:25):
that this is only truefor a very lucky few.
But when you're raised in this system,it can feel like you are failing.
When the system is failing you
as if struggling financiallyis a moral failing of some kind, that
you got laid off because you just didn'twork hard enough to earn your place.
(17:48):
But we have
seen our system fail us insome pretty big ways
that while horrific for so many,opened our eyes to the fact that
struggling financially has nothing to dowith how hard you work.
I've noticedthat younger generations in the workforce
have a very different relationshipwith works, and my peers do.
(18:09):
And it's no wonder we all rememberthe financial crisis of the mid 2000s.
The youngest millennials saw their parentsgo through
economic instability rightas they were becoming aware of the world.
And the oldest millennialswere struggling to enter the workforce.
They took on immense student debt,
hoping more education would delayhaving to join a volatile job market.
(18:33):
They are the first generation unlikelyto own a home before their forties
and work just isn't giving back to themthe way it used to.
Older members of GenZ are now in their twenties
and they've only seen the strugglesof the generation before.
It makes sensethat like in all relationships,
if you're putting inmore than you're getting, eventually
(18:56):
you're going to want to disconnectand simply move on.
If workisn't providing anything rewarding,
they want to get as much as they canfrom it and get out quickly.
Millennials and GenZ have given rise to the fire movement.
Fire stands for financial independence.
Retire early.
Many young people are trying to becomedigital nomads, working online
(19:20):
from anywhere in the world.
If they aren't sure that their workwill pay off
in the long run, why not enjoy lifenow while you're working?
Okay, so we've gone through all of this,the origins of workaholism,
our feelings on work, and what overworkingis doing to our minds and our bodies.
It begs the question,how do we find a balance
(19:42):
that allows us to be engaged in our workand then shut it off
and give full attentionto the rest of our lives?
I think a massive shift
happened for all of usin trying to work through COVID.
Prior to the shutdown,
I went into a hybrid work scheduleand I had a really hard time with it.
I was in the officeevery other week, three days a week,
(20:04):
and it meant I was never really steadyin any particular place.
Then the shutdown happens now.
I don't want to say there were upsidesto being stuck in your house all day
with the anxiety of a global pandemicjust outside your doorstep.
We all went through a collective trauma
that I don't thinkany of us have really unpacked yet.
(20:26):
If you can put that aside for a moment,
there was a moment of reprioritizing.
We all went through.
We were spending more timewith our families.
We didn't have to be stuck in a commute4 hours a day and the weight of our jobs
suddenly felt, well, a little sillyas we've come out of lockdowns.
(20:46):
Now there is a push from many companiesto return to the office,
and I'm curious to see how successfulthese mandates will be.
We all saw that time could be hours
and productivity wouldn'tgo down in the wealth management business.
Return to office has been really slow.
Now, am I saying everyone should be fullyremote all of the time? No.
(21:08):
Being in an officecan be really collaborative and it fosters
relationshipsthat make work easier and more enjoyable.
But also, let's be honest,is every meeting that we used to have
to fill the time in the officeactually moving the needle?
I'd guess probably not.
I also love the intentionalityof asynchronous communication.
(21:31):
You can be respectfulof how other people budget
their time and connectwhen it makes sense.
Most of us working office jobs
are not putting out actual firesor saving lives.
Our emails can wait an hour, maybe two.
No matter your
working style or location, the key
(21:53):
to maintaining a healthy relationshipwith work is setting boundaries.
I realized a few years agothat I desperately needed
some boundaries when it came to work.
I started with a coach who helped meblock out time on my calendar
to ensure I was making time for my familyand myself.
I wanted to pick up my son,but that time kept getting scattered over
(22:16):
even when I blocked it off on my calendar.
I hadn't told anyone what it was for,so they assumed it was flexible,
which is also interesting.
I had to be braveand actually tell my coworkers,
no, this is an important time for meand my family.
I was luckythat they all seemed to understand,
and once we had the conversation,they respected the time I set aside.
(22:40):
I also do this for all importantfamily events,
like teacher conferences,play dates, birthday parties,
and I'm committed to being there fullyand not being pulled back into work.
Another way I've set boundaries for myselfis by putting timers on my apps
and turning off my deviceswhen I want to be present with my family
(23:01):
or when it's time for sleep.
I also turned off all notificationsexcept for my close family.
My phone never makes a sound.
It never buzzes in my pocket.
I don't even have the onscreen badgenotifications.
Like the little thingwith a little like over the counter,
like how many emails you have.
Now I check my email when I check it.
Taking a page from Cal Newport's books.
(23:22):
Deep work and slow productivity.
I have managed my working anxiety,interfering
with my sleepby keeping a notebook by my bed.
He recommends keeping a list for the endof your day with how you left things.
He stresses that writingit down is important for your brain.
It creates a ritual
and a physical artifact,and it helps to mark the end of your day.
(23:45):
Now, am I always consistent in that?
But if somethingcomes up in the middle of the night,
I can write it down so I can put it aside
and feel safe knowing itwill be there for me in the morning.
Having these boundaries and clearlyarticulating them is also important to me.
Now, as a leader, I set the tonefor everyone else I work with.
(24:06):
It's my job to normalize taking time off,ending your workday
at a reasonable time, and prioritizingwhat's important to me outside of work.
I also want to make surethat while I'm praising hard work,
I don't reinforceworking past the zone of productivity.
Burnout doesn't help anyone,not your colleagues,
not your leaders,and certainly not yourself.
(24:29):
I also make sure I create support systems
for my employees to feel comfortabletaking their time off.
I love being an entrepreneurbecause I can take off for two weeks
and travel and go to placeswhere my email might not even work.
But I have built that trust in my team.
We have cross-training and backupsfor everything.
We have backups for project managementand domain experts.
(24:52):
Redundancies ensure that things can run
smoothly when someone is takingtheir well-earned time off.
Now, I should sayI still haven't mastered this.
I'm paraphrasing here, but Indra Nooyi,former CEO of PepsiCo, says
that there is no such thingas true balance, meaning
everything is getting equal attentionall at once.
(25:14):
It's really about prioritizingwhat you're doing at the moment.
As she says, you have to leaveyour crown in the garage.
And this is a funny one for me.
When you come home,you're not a CEO anymore.
You're an equal member of your familyand you have to show up that way.
So that's somethingI'm actually working on now.
My hope
(25:34):
is that soon enough, with some practiceand staying mindful,
I can leave my crown in this officeand not carry
this entrepreneur personainto dinner time with my family.
I'd love to hear more from you.
What are you working on when it comes
to balancing work and your daily life?
What boundaries have you set?
(25:56):
What are your struggleswhen it comes to working?
Please keep the conversationgoing in the comments
and share the showso we can grow this amazing community.
Thanks for listening to Coated in Gold.
I've been your host, David Nuzum.
You can follow the podcast on Instagram,YouTube,
(26:17):
LinkedIn and anywhere podcasts are found.
Take care.
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