Conduct Unbecoming: A Military True Crime Podcast

A few years back, we were at a holiday party when the host grabbed my butt. I turned in horror and he observed to his friend that what he did was “probably not good.” I scooped up my spouse, explained that I wouldn’t be in the same room with that man again, and I’m happy to report to you all my life has been blissfully unwanted buttgrab free. 

The most ideal situati...

It’s been my experience that women and girls receive a lot of messaging around domestic violence. We’re coached to recognize warning signs and to get out. In hushed conferences, we advise each other to set aside a little money, just in case. We tentatively poke at the edges of relationships to try and discern whether our friends are safe. I don’t offer this to suggest that men cannot or do not suffer from domestic violence, but to ...

There are parts of the drive up to the national park atop Haleakala that start to feel a little otherworldly. You’re angled up and climbing quickly, and you can lose sight of the horizon before you crest a hill and reacquaint yourself accordingly. The effects of altitude can be potent, and they can come on quickly. Best practice is, of course, to stop and park to avoid driving unsafely. 

For Lieutenant Alkonis, pulling over simply ...

This case has a lot of moving parts, but in trying to write this introduction, I found I kept distilling it to the same point. Viewed through a relationships lens, this case highlights how far two women would go for the men they loved. One woman, grieving the loss of her beloved, vowed to work towards a more effective military justice system. The other helped hide her fugitive boyfriend and, after his arrest, ...

I have a pretty serious food allergy - one I feel compelled to share with restaurant staff and friends we visit with.  It’s deeply unfun, but the alternative is, you know, anaphylaxis. The silver lining I’ve been able to identify is that it shows me how fiercely I’m loved by family and friends, who generously announce to others at parties that they, too, are responsible for not murdering me. For my servicemember spouse, I am equall...

Eight young men started the night at various happy events, celebrating the end of an arduous week of work. Then, they clashed in an unplanned roadside encounter. Although they'd been at parties, they had at least a combined four knives between them, some brandished, some reserved. The two groups struggled to find common ground in what had become a racially charged atmosphere. Fortunately, they found their common thread and the tens...

There’s been a lot of discussion in the legal community about the culpability of those whose brains have not yet fully developed. I think that’s why college has such a deserved reputation for being formative. Your brain is still developing and you’re processing new experiences and shaping your worldview, giving you the chance to outgrow your high school, hometown self. The military offers many of America’s you...

I've shared before that military moves force everyone into creating quick community ties so that everyone can keep their heads above water and feel tethered to their new duty station while they're miles away from the comforts of wherever feels like home. Where spouses and children are moving to new places and forging new relationships… that new community, if safe, can be vital in identifying signs of abuse tha...

When we talk about personal liberties, we necessarily carry with that discourse the question of how far our right to do something extends. To that end, a quote that has long stuck with me is from Oliver Wendel Holmes Jr., who observed that the right to swing his fist ended where another man’s nose begins. 

As applied to this case, I’d suggest that the right to physically discipline your child ends well before injury begins.

I rel...

Back in my sorority days, I often served as one of the sober sisters for events. The task was pretty simple--keeping an eye on my sisters. Sometimes it involved passing flip flops to whoever thought stilettos were danceable or a plastic bag to those who looked green around the gills on the bus ride back. We had a few sober sisters at each event, including the President, Vice President of Social Standards, volunteers, and sometimes ...

People who were stationed in Okinawa sometime before the internet became commonplace waggle their eyebrows at you when you say you lived there. The island had a Bacchanalian reputation, known for its promise of misanthropic adventures. The appetite for easy sex, alcohol fueled parties, and cheap experiences that garnered Okinawa’s 1990s reputation didn’t go anywhere, and a rotund defense contractor that unders...

Every so often, I get it in my head that I need to find some hyper specific item that I know I own.  The downside to living in two countries and two states in the last three years is that I can visualize the item exactly where it was in Japan or Virginia, but draw a blank for our current home. There are a few stages of looking for the object. First, I look to where items of a similar type are stored. Second, I pester my spouse and ...

You’ve made it through the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Perhaps your season went well, there were no fights about politics, and you got to see the people you love and care for most. Perhaps your season was the exact opposite, and you’re relieved to be past Christmas and New Years, retreating from family gatherings for the foreseeable future. Wherever your holiday fell along that spectrum, if everyone made it out alive, ...

Four hundred years ago, the religious climate in England was tense. Religious wars were nothing new, and the head of state was also the head of the Anglican church. It was a dangerous set up that served to further the absolute power of the monarchy. People harboring a devotion to other faiths needed a place where they could go and practice their religion without fear it was a criminal violation. When colonists began moving to Ameri...

Single servicemembers that deploy from duty stations stateside often put their belongings in some kind of storage. It's a dicey proposition because some storage facilities are terrible. Cars present their own special challenge and dead batteries are common. When a friend of ours was out of the country for six months, I was great at starting the car up for the first few months, but my streak soon fell apart. I ...

A listener note: I recorded this while in the final throes of a cold that I though I had beat, but heard in my voice in the first few words. Sadly, I've not yet found a filter to de-nasalfy a recording. I can certify, however, that the case is worth pushing through the empathy-based discomfort for.

One night while driving in Okinawa, my eyes wandered to the side of the road where a young Japanese woman was walking. She wore heels...

Our cell phones bear witness to our insecurities, patiently returning search results for the things that spark in our brains that we need immediate answers to. Mine, if you were wondering, would tattle on me for my deep election anxiety. Army Sergeant Perry’s phone laid out a path to radicalization - winding around his interest in underage girls, past his view that Afghans weren’t people, and ending in the mur...

About this time two years ago, the weather in Virginia had just begun to shift from crisp to cold and I decided it was time to fill up my tires because the cold made the air inside sluggish. I first tried to plump them up at Costco, but I’m an early bird and I got there before hours and their pumps weren’t turned on. I knew that my impatience meant I’d have to pay to fill the tires, but set off for a gas stati...

At work, I have a little white board where I can see at a glance where all of my projects are - it’s not entirely dissimilar to the surgery board in Grey’s Anatomy, except my projects are not life or death and don’t require nearly so much room. It’s color coded, and I’m acutely aware when any one task is hanging out longer than it should be. I think, given my work organizational skills, I’d be excellent at mai...