Joy isn’t just about feeling good. It's your secret weapon for raising resilient kids and showing up as a healthy, loving dad. In this episode, Chris Coursey unpacks the brain science behind joy and shares practical strategies you can use to stay calm and connected, whether it’s your own emotions flaring or your child’s.
Key takeaways:
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Joy is built through connection, while happiness depends on your circumstances.
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God wired your brain for emotions, so it’s important to know what helps you return to your relational, peaceful self.
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Validation and comfort sets the stage for effective correction.
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Building joy helps you and your kids navigate life’s challenges with more resilience.
Guest bio:
Chris Coursey is the President of THRIVEtoday. For nearly 25 years he has been developing and practicing brain-based solutions to make relationships work. Chris is a published author with ten books in print, husband to Jen, and father to Matthew and Andrew.
Links mentioned:
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Subscribe to DadAwesome Messages: Text the word “Dad” to (651) 370-8618
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Being a great father takes a massive
amount of courage.
Instead of being an amazing leader
and a decent dad, I want to be an
amazing dad and a descent leader.
The oldest dad in the world gave
you this assignment, which means you
must be ready for it.
As a dad, I get on my knees and I
fight for my kids.
Let us be those dads who
stop the generational pass
(00:22):
down of trauma.
I want encounters with
God where he teaches me
what to do with my kids I know
I'm going to be an awesome dad
because I'ma give it my all.
God gave our brain what we
call a relational circuit, and it's
(00:43):
kind of like a dimmer light switch.
When it's on, I'm relational.
I want to engage with you.
I feel curious what's happening in
your mind. I want be kind.
Really, I express the best of myself
when this relational circuit or what
I call a joy switch is on.
Welcome back to Dad Awesome,
guys. My name is Jeff Zaugg, and
(01:04):
today, episode 377,
I have Chris Coursey joining
me, and I'll introduce him a little
more in a moment here, but want to
remind you guys, this week,
today, tomorrow, you've got two
final days.
You've got to apply by midnight,
April 11th, if you want to join the
Dad Awesome Accelerator Group.
So we've hosted three of these
(01:25):
cohorts in the past.
We're about to launch into our
fourth.
accelerator cohort.
This is a group of 10 dads
giving six weeks to doing a
sprint around everything we've
learned at Dad Awesome in seven
and a half years.
I'm going to bring to this coaching
group.
over the course of six weeks.
You've got a couple hours of
homework each week, you've got one
hour of being on a Zoom call,
(01:47):
Wednesdays at around the lunch hour,
if you're in the central time zone.
So wanna invite you guys, email
awesome at dadawesome.org
to receive all the overview, the
promises, the expectations and the
link to apply.
So email awesome, at
dadawsome.org.
Also, any of you in
our Dad Awesome community that are
interested in scheduling a phone
(02:07):
call with me, I have just
loved these one-on-one phone calls,
taking about a half hour to
chat with members of our community
about the dad life.
How's it going? I learned from you
what are perspectives you're
learning, resources, tools you're
finding, but also I can take what
I've learned over this journey of
leading this ministry and
potentially help you
with different dad challenges
(02:29):
or dad situations.
It's just really fun for me.
And then I get to pray for you guys.
So simply click the button that
says, leave dad awesome a voicemail.
Leave Dad Awesome a voice message.
It's in all the show notes.
Click that button.
Leave me a little voice message
introducing yourself and I
prayerfully schedule one or two of
those each week.
So today though, today Chris
Corsi, we're gonna, this is
(02:50):
the promise. Today's conversation
will be a catalyst for
a joy revolution for
your family.
So Chris is all things
brain science, relational skills.
He's gonna talk a lot about joy,
the joy switch.
He's going to talk about skills
training around attachment theory.
He's gonna bring a lot of
research for decades into
(03:11):
how can he help us as dads
experience more joy,
connect more with our emotions, our
feelings, and then help
coach and guide our kids to
safety and to more skills
so they can approach problem solving
resilience.
So this conversation, so excited for
it. This is episode 377.
with Chris Corsi.
(03:41):
I don't think it's ever happened
before where I met somebody
and then less than a week later.
So we're talking five days since we
met, here we are, hopping
into a podcast conversation
because yeah, usually it's just
there's a time process, but you
were, you're about to take some time
away from work and ministry.
So I was like, is there any chance?
So thank you for saying yes.
(04:02):
I'm glad it worked brother.
I'm really excited to be here
with you
Well, I have like
a hundred questions.
So we're going to get to just, I'm
truly, in my research in
just the last five days, I took a
deep dive after walking by,
because I read the titles of all
your books. You know, I just kind of
quickly like got an idea for your
(04:23):
heart and your area of work and
expertise.
And so because I have so many
questions.
Sometimes it's fun to let's go story
first and then we'll
see where we rock and roll.
But the story is we play tag
with my daughters.
We play monster tag at
the playground.
And now monster tag
is delightful tag.
(04:44):
It's not scary monster, it's
delightful monster, but I have
long arms and I can reach up
and catch them and try
not to trip them.
But it's a monster tag.
The playground is one of our
favorites, But you know this,
Chris, that monster and that just
like analogy of dads
being the monster, you know, we're
loud, we are fast, we have long
(05:04):
reach, which is all fun.
It can be delight.
but we can also bring destruction
with being a monster.
And I'd love to just hear, where does
that take your heart when you think
about dad awesome and monster tag?
I love that picture
and yeah, you know part
of what we do is we train relational
skills that help us to be
gentle Protectors and
(05:26):
so our brain when our brain is
wired to be a predator when we're
first born because we want to put
everything In our mouth.
We want to consume
And so we learn
how to be gentle protectors
who have fun and who
smile and laugh, but also
who know when to stop, right?
Like if you think of tickling, my
sons would love when I would tickle
(05:47):
them, but there's a moment where
they were like, okay, you could tell
they reached their limit.
Let me have a breather.
So that's a relational skill,
right, where I'm able to say, hey,
you know what, let's take a breater
right now. So learning to use the
brakes...
is part of how we build trust
and safety in our families.
And so just keeping that in
(06:08):
mind, you know, joy grows when we're
glad to be together.
And I love that game that you play
with your kids.
It's fun. I bet there's smiles on
everybody's face.
Lots of laughter, right?
Joy is a high energy response.
And so whenever we feel this glad
to-be-togetherness, we kind
of get energized and
joy is always leads to rest.
(06:30):
So, Jeff, it's just when I build
joy with my sons and we play or we
wrestle, they love to wrestle,
you know, we rest and we take
a breather at the right times.
And so, just thinking about, you,
know, fun and good things grow,
but we want to know when
the light turns yellow as
getting ready to turn red, we just
(06:51):
tap the brakes, we pause, let our
kiddos have a moment to
rest, and then we pick up with some
more fun, some more joy.
So that's a unique perspective
as we think about that.
Now, your chapter of dad life
is your sons, are they both
teenagers or is 112?
They're both teenagers now,
yep, it's gotten real.
(07:12):
Oh man, how would your wife
describe if you subtract
10 years in your
dad presence,
your fatherhood journey, subtract 10
year, how would she have described
you as a dad?
Oh, that's an excellent question.
I think, you know, she would
describe me as someone that loves
connection.
I love connection with
(07:34):
my sons and,
you know, any, any
chance, any excuse to spend
time connecting with them.
Uh, my sons love to be outside.
So, you, know, we'd be outside every
moment we could playing,
running around, having fun.
And so I, I just, you know, I love
being a dad.
(07:55):
and having just those
sweet moments of connection with
them. And I'll always cherish,
always cherish these times.
So you said, you know, just that
love that you get to be their
dad. And I, I've been using the word
delight, like delightful dad
of just like, you know, God said,
You know, you're my loved son,
(08:15):
um, in whom I am well pleased,
right? That we can bring some of
that, but delightful dads,
it's not, it's not like we
accidentally become delightful dads.
That's right.
In fact, the pressures of life
probably move us in the other
direction of being a little bit
sharp and edgy.
Several of my friends, because of
Dad Awesome and because of some of
(08:35):
the coaching I've done, they
actually can't even imagine me
not loving being a dad or
being sharp with my girls
or abrasive or defensive with
my wife. But I told them, I was just
being real. I was like, guys, I need
some prayer.
Like, I can't imagine you
like that. I'm like, well, it's
real. I don't stay in that land.
(08:56):
What moves you away from
delighting as a dad?
and what are some things you've
learned to get you back in that
direction?
Yeah, you know, that's a great
question.
You know, I grew up, my dad,
loved my dad.
Such an amazing
guy. But when I was younger, he
had a lot of anger, right?
(09:17):
He just had a lotta anger.
So I learned this
example of anger
gets things done.
And so when my sons were born, I
said, Lord.
I want to be different, you
know? I want be able to
have that delight, right?
I love that word that you use,
delight.
Because in the brain, delight means
(09:37):
when someone delights in us, that's
joy. That's how our brain responds
to delight.
It's like, wow, someone's really
glad to be with me.
So I think, you now, part of my
prayer going into fatherhood
was just, I want to give my
son something a little different
than what I had.
And you know what, I still mess up.
(09:58):
I still drop the ball with my
sons.
But I've given them something that
I didn't really get growing up,
which was repair, right?
So in those moments where I've lost
my joy and I lost my peace
and I feel that
disconnect, I wanna get
really good at repairing with my
son and saying, guys, I'm sorry.
(10:19):
Dad was too loud there or dad was
too intense.
I want them to be able to
have that freedom.
to be able to get back to
joy when we've lost our joy.
And honestly, when I look back on
this time in my life,
more than anything, I just, I want
my sons to feel loved.
I want them to feel valued.
(10:41):
I want to feel seen,
you know? And I try to make it a
point every night when I say
goodnight to them. Dad loves you
guys, I love you guys.
and give them that big hug.
Now they're teenagers, you know,
they're not real big, always
on the dad hug, but
just to really affirm and validate,
I love you guys, and
(11:01):
I want them to always feel
that love, right?
Just to have that father's love,
is there something about that that's
so healing?
And so just for me, I've had to be
very purposeful.
Some of this hasn't come natural to
me when I first became
a dad.
Like I have to really, it's like
working out. I've got to grow some
(11:21):
muscles here that I really haven't
used very much in being
able to connect with them or
reconnect and just to really
try to be present in
their lives.
Like I want that, I want their
mind to always feel
like dad loves me.
Yes. In the good and the bad, in
the hard times and the fun times.
(11:42):
I want them to just feel like
Dad loves me
That's my prayer.
That's mine my prayer
And I want to move into that idea of
skills and training and
actually go beyond.
In fact, this is a quote that I, I
think it's from the joy switch of it
might be from a different one of
your books, but you said, our good
intentions and willpower take
(12:03):
a backseat to emotional capacity.
That is our ability to manage what
we feel and regulate our emotions.
So the dad's listening.
we all have good intentions.
We wouldn't be listening to dad also
without having good intentions and
willpower, but it doesn't matter
those good intentions and Willpower
if we don't have the skill
of managing, you know,
(12:23):
and regulating our emotions.
So this is this is kind of the
deep dive question.
This kind of take us deep into brain
science and all you're learning
about man.
I would just I would love to hear
Chris just some coaching
to help us be ready
to put action and
actually follow through to those
intentions.
I love that.
So yeah, you know what I found
(12:44):
really interesting as I started
going into brain science is that
God gave our brain what we
call a relational circuit, and it's
kind of like a dimmer light switch.
When it's on, I'm relational,
right? I want to engage with
you. I feel curious what's happening
in your mind. I want be kind.
Really I express the best of myself
when this relational circuit or what
(13:06):
I call the
But that dimmer switch can go
off, right? Where I get strong
emotions, maybe I didn't sleep last
night or there's a conflict
that I'm navigating.
When things get hard to manage,
then this relational circuit goes
off what we call enemy
mode.
And in enemy mode, right,
(13:27):
my children or my friends or my
coworkers, they feel like enemies,
even other drivers, they like
enemies in that moment.
And now the good news, is
that while the switch can go on or
off the good news is we
can get the switch back on anytime
it starts to fade you
know and I encourage men when you
notice you're starting to lose your
(13:47):
joy or your peace right that's
probably where enemy mode's creeping
in that's where
like what helps you get your joy and
peace back some some guys just need
to go outside and take a couple deep
breaths right or they need to
do something maybe go in the garage
and do something
But just learning what helps you
when you start to slip into enemy
(14:08):
mode and you feel that
we feel rigid and tense and
angry.
We're not our best selves in
enemy mode.
And just thinking through what helps
you stay and
return to relational mode any
time you kind of fall out and you
slip. And we're all going to do
(14:28):
that, Jeff. We're all gonna have
those times, right, where we've
lost our joy and our peace.
We slip into enemy mode.
I'd rather be on my phone.
I don't, you know, I'm not getting
along with my wife or I'm
upset with my kids over something.
The good news is we don't have to
stay there, right?
This is, I also spent a lot of time
(14:48):
talking to Jesus about what's going
on when I'm feeling like I'm
slipping into enemy-mode here, and I
don' wanna visit this for too long.
And so even connecting with another
guy or connecting with someone,
whatever it is that helps you
stay in what I call your relational
sweet spot where you're curious,
you're kind and you really
(15:09):
want to be present with your kids
and your family.
That a little bit goes a long
way when we use that lens
because we all lose access to the
relational parts of our brain at
times. but we don't have
to stay there, Jeff.
And that's.
That's a really hopeful message.
We don't have to stay stuck in enemy
mode.
(15:30):
Yes. And I, I sometimes
will like realize I'm going in that
direction of like I'm amplifying,
um, yeah, complaints or
amplifying frustrations, or I'm,
I'm rehearsing over and over what
someone didn't do or did,
and I'll go do 10 burpees
and sometimes that'll
work physical, like physical.
(15:51):
Sometimes I'll still be in the same
place after that physical, it's
like, okay, like I try something
else. And then there's like
declaration prayers, like scripture,
and I'm declaring, I'm using my
voice and like, okay, usually
that one does help.
But what are some other examples
of, man, I am the person I
love most, I am...
vilifying in my head, I'm enemy
mode. Like, what am I think, like,
(16:11):
why?
It's so crazy.
And it's usually tiredness.
Like, so end of the day,
bedtime didn't go great with my four
daughters. And now I'm like, I just
want to wash dishes by myself.
I don't even want to be near the,
like I'm referring to my wife,
Michelle, right?
And she knows, like I can swing
and then swing back.
What are some other examples on how
to, how to name it, but
(16:32):
then to take positive action?
Yeah, so there's two responses
that we usually have in
enemy mode. Some of us get amped up.
I love your example of doing the
burpees. You're moving, right?
Some of us when we start
to slip into enemy mode, we have
energy and we need to burn it off.
We need to turn it off, some of us
are more low energy people.
(16:53):
And so when we're slipping into
enemy, we need a little space.
We just need to go cool
down.
I often tell people, the
thing that they'll tell you if you
ever happen to be in an ambulance,
take some deep breaths, right?
They're always gonna tell you, the
first thing to go when we slip into
enemy mode is our breathing.
We get really shallow.
(17:13):
We kinda just, for me, I practically
hold my breath.
I can tell when I'm in enemy mode
where I'm like holding my breath,
I'm hardly breathing.
So just simply taking some
deep breathes, you get more oxygen
into your bloodstream, more oxygen
to your brain, it calms down.
uh... but if the people are low
energy they probably need some space
great they need a little distance
(17:36):
uh... to cool down right when
the jets are too hot but
some of us and we need movement and
so i i love the at the burpees
example like some of those we just
need to move and burn
off some steam out one of the
go-to uh...
responses to help me get out of
enemy mode is remembering joy
And so when you pause
(17:57):
and just remember some of the good
things, what are some of God's
gifts, right?
I look at pictures on my phone when
I'm really like I'm slipping into
enemy mode or I'm stuck in enemy
mode.
I found that remembering those
special moments, those fun days
when I took my sons to the beach and
we got to play frisbee or
throw the football.
(18:18):
Even looking at pictures on our
phone reminds us of
joy and honestly that is one of
the best ways to help us
Get unstuck and stay out of
enemy mode is you're activating
what I call these joy files in your
brain Yeah, and anytime we
remember joy from the past
your brain responds as though it's
reliving the moment all over again
(18:40):
Which is amazing, right?
God we're fearfully and wonderfully
made. God made us amazing
Amazing creatures here.
We are amazing people But
remembering joy and some people I
know some guys they'll have a little
list and their phone and the notes
app and they will Write down special
memories that will be their go-to
Spot to really
(19:01):
recharge and refresh so
that that I encourage everybody to
try Jeff remember the good stuff
Yes, I'm thinking of the visual
of the movie Inside Out.
I'm grabbing these glowing orbs
of memories and I'm putting them
back on the screen.
That's right.
So good.
So there's using photos.
There's using lists of joyful
(19:23):
memories, treasured moments,
gratitude lists.
You know, I mentioned declaration,
prayers, scripture, I'm thinking
about like the Wim Hof, 10
minute method or the
John Eldridge pause app.
Yes.
Breathing.
Um, I'd love for you to add even a
couple others. Any other ones you
didn't mention that you'd say would
help?
Yeah, some of us need to
(19:45):
voice what we're feeling and
so if you're really having a hard
time, is there someone that you
could talk to for a couple minutes?
Someone that can pray for you?
Do you have a brother who can pray?
Anytime your brain feels seen,
heard and understood, that's going
to help you get out of enemy mode.
(20:05):
So that's where talking to Jesus, I
love your examples with the prayers.
The box breathing.
Is a really another good thing
people can do one of the best
ways to quiet is actually
Deep inhale and when you exhale
you sigh And so
you take that you fill your lungs
with air, but when you inhale you
sigh And that lots
(20:27):
of fun science around it But what
that does is that really helps get
our nervous system back to a
trainable state
Some of us, you know what?
Maybe you need a little project.
Like I like you're doing dishes.
I'm the same way I'm the same
way when I notice while I'm really
getting off line here, and I'm not
helping the bedtime right now
because I'm offline doing
(20:49):
dishes, right?
Do something simple and
your brain gets a lot of dopamine if
you do something for a few minutes
and you bring it to like a
stopping point.
A lot of us just like it's a
short little finish this task.
So I've got a few things in the
garage. I want to go move around.
I don't want to do my three hour
cleaning. I'll save that for another
(21:09):
day.
But what can I do in five,
six, seven minutes that's going to
help me feel good because I did
something?
But I also have a few friends in
my phone that if I'm
having a hard time getting out of
enemy mode, I could call or
I could text and say, hey, I'm not
doing well. Would you mind praying
with me?
(21:29):
And as well, remembering times
where you felt God's closeness.
So if you ever had a time in your
life where you just felt like God
was there, God was with you, Jesus
was right there by your side.
Those are other things that when you
can remember God's gifts and God's
closeness, then we can say, well,
Jesus, where are you right now?
What are you doing right now.
And just the other day, I was flying
(21:51):
home, Jeff, from the event we
were both at.
And I noticed when they were calling
the groups, all the people from
different groups all got in line
and the boarding became a
bit of chaos.
And I was standing there
and I noticed I started to feel
tense. I started almost like anxious
like I felt like I I have
a carry-on bag, I'm not going to be
(22:12):
able to have a spot to put my bag by
the time I get on this thing.
So I was slipping into enemy mode.
I started worrying.
And the moment I caught that, Jeff,
I was like, okay, I want to take a
deep breath. And I said, Lord Jesus,
what are you doing right now?
What do you want me to know about
where you're at in this?
And I just had a few
seconds of a thought.
(22:33):
Just had a sense of Jesus seeing me.
He was there.
He was like, Chris, take a breather.
You're gonna get on the plane.
You're going to make it home.
Take a breater.
And so I was able to stay curious,
like, wow, why am I feeling this
way? So, I mean, we're talking a 30
second little interaction, Jeff,
that just helped me.
Okay, my feet were slipping into
enemy mode, taking
(22:55):
that little bit of time to
remember God's closeness and then
interact with Jesus in that moment.
And I stayed relational the rest of
that time.
It was so simple, but yet it
really impacted me.
Yeah, I want to go back to
what you said with joy and how you
actually see people's response when
you bring joy.
You can see them light up a little
(23:16):
bit. My extreme example
was the year after
the COVID shut down,
when Disney World opened back up,
we happened to be in Florida, and so
I didn't get to see anyone's
smiles the whole day long because
we all had our
smiles were covered.
That's hard. It was a hard day,
(23:36):
totally, because I'm usually, you
can steal joy,
not steal, it's the wrong
expression, but you can borrow joy
from other people's delight at a
playground or at an ice cream
store. You're seeing everybody light
up and it was
none of that. But what
I'm thinking about is it's almost
imaginative prayer, what you just
mentioned of you ask Jesus, What
(23:58):
do you want me to know?
30-second prayer.
I can pair that with your other
advice of go back to times you felt
close to God.
So imagining prayer of a
dock that I was on, or there's a
stone wall in Arizona that I laid on
and looked at the stars after a
night of ministry.
And there's things that
actually, it's amazing.
My physical body just responded to
(24:19):
me mentioning a memory in Arizona
when I was 20 years old.
I love that.
So what would you add into
God being our source of joy
to what you've already shared?
Yeah, you know one of the things
that really honestly shocked me
about God and I grew up in the
church But I drifted once teenage
years arrived. I just I ran
(24:40):
the other way full speed and
in college I had a chance to do an
internship with a ministry and
during that time I
started to really take seriously
interacting with God and at first I
didn't think God would talk to me I
thought he was mad at me all the
time So I was a little nervous but
I started talking to him and I was
like lord. I just want to
I want your closeness in my life,
(25:02):
like more than anything, Lord, I
just want your closeness.
And I would start having these
thoughts of Jesus actually
smiling when He looked at me,
because I thought I'd see an, you
know, I thought I would have an
angry reaction from Jesus.
But over time, as I just started
these talks with the Lord, like
Lord, I want Your closeness, like,
how do you see me, Lord?
(25:22):
Because I feel like you see Me as a
failure, I'm a bad boy, I
am, you
I started to have these thoughts and
images in my mind for the first
time, that Jesus was actually
glad to be with me.
It shocked me, Jeff.
I was shocked.
It took a little while for me to
really let that sink in.
(25:42):
I encourage men,
take the time as you remember God's
gifts and you remember God's
closeness.
Start asking Jesus, how does He
see you?
What look is on His face
when He looks at you.
And how does He see you?
And honestly, that changed my life.
It's so simple, but yet it was so
profound.
(26:03):
God likes being with me, and
He likes being with all of us,
and he's glad to see us.
And that, Jeff, that just changed
everything, honestly.
Uh, when we are
hovering around this topic of
joy, some dads
are just like, well, I'm an
introvert or I'm quieter.
(26:23):
My, my gravitational pull who
I am in my 35
years of life is just, that's not
who I'm, that some other people, not
me, what would
you, how would you encourage those
dads to stay engaged?
Yeah, I relate to that.
I really do relate to that.
I really spent a lot
of time feeling dismissive
(26:44):
or even just disconnected more than
I wanted.
And the nice thing about joy is it's
not happiness.
Happiness is circumstantial.
I'm happy that my kitchen is
currently almost finished with
the construction project.
That makes me very happy.
But joy is through the shared
experience.
And so we feel joy, if you think
about it.
(27:05):
When I went to the hospital because
I hurt my back and they kept me
overnight, when my wife
and kids showed up, I
felt joy.
They were with me
in that place.
So joy doesn't have to be over the
top and exuberant.
But joy is also that sense of
someone's there with us and
(27:25):
this someone is glad that were here.
And the nice thing that I've learned
about God is He will meet us right
where we're at.
I wasn't an outgoing,
exuberant type of person.
I kind of held my cards close.
But Jesus met me right where
I was.
And it was that sense, joy is that
sense that, wow, someone's
(27:46):
here with me, but someone's glad to
be with me.
And especially for fathers with
your children.
I like to put it this
way, let's let Jesus borrow our face
for a little while.
How would I look at my son's
if Jesus lives in my face today
when I get home from work?
So that's the one way to look at it,
Jeff. What would it look like if
(28:07):
Jesus borrows your face when
you get home tonight and you
interact with your kids.
Wow,
the tonight when I get home, there's
that framework, but then there's
also the awareness that what's
coming after our joy might
span back through.
decades earlier, something that
happened and things,
(28:28):
or it could just be the phone call
on the way home. It could be that
too. But you kind
of surface these triggers, these
common triggers that shut down
our circuits, the big six negative
emotions. So I'll just hit them
fast, but shame, anger,
disgust, sadness,
fear, hopeless despair.
You don't have to break them all
down, but just could you talk a
(28:49):
little bit about how there's
things coming after this circuit
that want to move us away
from that switch being turned on.
Yeah, so the interesting thing
about those those emotions is
emotions are signals that something
needs our attention, right?
So anger, for example Anger
is your brain's way of trying to
make something stop Now god
(29:10):
gave us these emotions Uh,
they're not bad But when they
feel bad is when I don't know how
to return to joy or I don't know
how To calm myself And
so the good news is our brain's
wired for emotions.
We see, I was just reading about
Elijah recently and how
he was threatened by Jezebel and
man, he took off.
He took off, but yet
(29:31):
God showed up and God
fed him and God
gave him rest.
And then eventually he gets to
interact with God very
intimately, very closely.
So our brain is going to have
emotions, and it is going to
have emotion, but the million dollar
question we want to think about is,
what do I need when I feel
(29:53):
this emotion?
When I'm mad, what do I mean?
Or when I'm feeling some shame,
right? I don't like feeling shame,
but what helps me be able to
sense God's closeness and still
be my relational self.
But I want to encourage the guys,
you know, our brains wired for
emotions. It's emotions are going
to happen.
We probably all have opinions about
whether emotions are good or not,
(30:15):
but just think about it this way.
What helps you return to your
relational, peaceful self when
you're in big feelings and big
reactions, whether it's the
connecting with someone, interacting
with Jesus, taking
that walk, whatever it
is that just helps you be able to
no longer be the Incredible
(30:35):
Hulk. We want to stay David
Banner here.
We We are going to have
those moments, right?
Where we all, I get mad,
right, or I get disgusted,
or I gets worried.
It's not the end of the world,
right. We can learn to feel those
feelings, share them, and then calm
(30:56):
them. Whether it's with Jesus,
whether it's someone we trust.
But don't beat yourself up because
emotions come up.
They are gonna come up,
right but we can learn to calm
those emotions and
stay our relational selves.
Yeah. And then there's kind
of two sides of this conversation.
There's the, who am I becoming?
(31:16):
How am I managing?
How am moving towards connection,
relational connection versus all
the other negative ways?
But then there is the raising kids
that understand and
feel connection with God,
experience joy.
raising kids who are resilient,
which I know there's a direct
connection. I love to hear you
(31:37):
expound on that connection between
joy and resilience.
Can you take us a little bit into
the other side of of coaching,
helping our kids grow?
Yes, that's a great question
and you know every human brain
when emotions arise in our in our
kids Every human brain
wants to feel seen heard and
understood right?
So when my son's really mad because
(31:58):
his brother's being mean
um What they need from me in that
moment is to feel seeing heard
and understand, right?
I might still have to do some
correcting. I might.
Still have to. Do some discipline
But that comes after I
validate and comfort.
So the brain can be validated and
comforted. So when my son's really
mad, I say, wow, buddy, I can see
you're really mad right now.
(32:18):
Like your face is red.
You're upset, aren't you?
So validation just says what we
see, right? I don't have to fix it
in that moment.
But once I validate, that helps
him feel, okay, dad sees
me here.
Okay, somebody sees me, here.
And then we follow validation with
comfort that just says, what do you
need right now when you're this mad?
(32:39):
Right, what do you need?
Do you need some deep breaths,
right? Do you want to go sit outside
and talk?
Like what helps you calm down?
And most of us have no clue what we
need, right. I just, when people
would ask me that question, Jeff, I
was like, I don't even know what I
need. I just need this anger to go
away.
But when our kids are upset,
when we validate and comfort
(33:00):
them, that sets the stage for
everything else we want to
accomplish. So if I do need to
discipline or correct, That comes
after validation and comforting
because what that does is that's
gonna help him calm down so that
then he's in a teachable state.
But if he's an enemy mode because
he's so angry, he's not in a
teacherable state, right?
And so I might try to use it as
(33:21):
a learning opportunity, but
if he is in enemy mode, brain is not
open to new information in
enemy modes.
So validation and comfort, and
Jeff, that was not natural for me
growing up. Like none of this was
natural for at all.
I-I- I had none of
these skills and practices,
but the good news is we
(33:41):
can practice. We can get better at
practicing.
Hey, Validation, you're
really upset.
What do you see and hear in
your child?
Just put words to that.
And comfort is, hey, is there
anything good that we can hold on to
while you navigate Is there anything
from your day?
What would be helpful right now?
(34:02):
And what that does is that helps get
them back into their relational
best self.
And then we can have the
discussions. Then we can talk about
what needs to happen now as
consequences or correction.
But the main thing is we help
them to get their joy and their
peace back so that they're calmer
than they would be before.
So that's just, you know, that's one
(34:24):
tool that you'll get a
lot of mileage out of validation
and comfort. They just need
to feel like somebody gets me.
Somebody is with me and
now they're in a much better state
to have that discussion that
we might want to have with them
and they might even have the
solutions themselves.
They don't need. Right, that's
right. And a lot of times they will.
(34:45):
That's right. And a lot of times theywill. Yeah,
you're exactly right.
I love that a lot of the times they
well because now they have access to
the creative parts of their brain,
which is in relational mode.
So yeah, I love that.
And that does you'll be surprised
how often that can happen when
we're just curious because I'm
staying relational.
I'm trying to stay relational with
my with my children.
(35:06):
That's where curiosity is present.
Hey, buddy, what's going on here?
I can see you're having a bad day.
What would be helpful?
You know, what do you need right
now? Let's figure this out together.
Things get a lot easier after
that.
Does that springboard into emotional
resilience or is that another area?
Yeah, it does.
So here's the good news about
(35:27):
relational, glad-to-be-together joy,
right? We're genuinely just glad to
be together and we
value the process of getting back
to joy anytime we lose
our joy, which with kids,
this can happen a lot, especially if
you have teenagers.
So we get a lot of practice on this.
So building joy strengthens
our ability to suffer well, and
(35:50):
that's where you get a lots of
emotional resilience come in.
People who have They feel
loved, but they have people who are
just genuinely glad to see
them, and they make the effort
to connect with them.
Joy increases our ability
to have emotional resilience.
So we're hard branches to break
on a tree when there's
(36:11):
joy that's present in our family,
in our interactions.
So the more joy our children
have.
the better they're gonna be able to
do to roll with the hard stuff and
to recover when things go wrong.
It pays off over time, Jeff, and
it's just a little bit
goes a long way when it comes to
joy. That really will go
a long with our kids.
(36:31):
Is that what you mean by, when I
read about joy bonds versus
fear bonds, is that the same
concept?
Yeah, so joy bonds and fear bonds
is your brain has two, really
there's two motivations for the
brain. It's either going to be this
glad to be together joy.
So when there's glad to together
joy, my brain looks for
and scans the environment for
opportunities to grow some joy.
(36:53):
And Jeff, I've learned this about
you just getting to interact with
you since the weekend.
You're someone that has a lot of
joy and people who interact with,
they feel like, wow, this guy is
really glad that I'm here.
It's very genuine
And so what that would be
is, wow, anytime I'm around
Jeff, I just really feel valued.
(37:13):
Like this guy is glad that I'm
here.
So when I don't
have a lot of joy or seasons where
I just feel like someone's poked a
hole in my joy balloon, then
your brain's gonna run on the fuel
of fear. So instead of scanning for
opportunities for joy, now
my brain's going to scan for
threats.
So that's where you'll start
getting, and we'll bond out of joy.
(37:36):
or we'll bond out of fear, right?
Are we building glad to be
togetherness or are
you dreading having to interact with
me because you don't know what's
gonna happen, right.
And so that's where people,
especially our children, like what
are they gonna get out of dad when I
come home?
Are they gonna a genuine glad to-be
with you response? I think it's not
like super over the top and it's
(37:56):
faking it, you know, till we make
it.
It's just genuinely, what do I?
What do I enjoy in my
kids, right?
And Lord, what do you see when you
look at my sons, right, and how can
I reflect that this evening when I
interact with them?
And that feels a lot different than,
oh no, dad's home, now I have to
like, you know, I have
hide or I have avoid him.
(38:17):
Then they're stepping on eggshells.
So, joy bonds, are we glad to be
together?
Can we expect and
anticipate more joy?
Or it's like, I really don't
want to be around this person,
right? I've got to avoid
them, and that's where the fear kind
of starts to become our
motivation instead of joy.
(38:38):
The earlier you mentioned, you
know, as dad, sometimes I
don't know what I'm feeling.
Like what am I feeling right now?
What would be either a recommended
resource could be one of your books
or, you know,
a motion chart, name your emotion.
Like what would be encouragement for
me to grow in,
(38:58):
being able to name what I am
currently experiencing and feeling.
Well, that's a great question,
because our ministry, the team,
we just created an emotions chart
that gives different words for those
six emotions that you mentioned
earlier. Those are like what we call
the big six emotions our brain is
wired for.
We have a lot of different words
to try to capture different shades
(39:19):
of that emotion.
We even have body words, because
emotions will always show up in our
body. So if I'm mad, you're going
to see it when I'm
bad.
So that's a free resource anybody
could quickly download.
That's really why we created this We
just want to help guys be able to
hey, I don't even know what I'm
feeling here Let me look at some of
these options and so
(39:39):
with a little bit of curiosity.
It's like, okay I
thought I was just mad, but I think
I'm feelin some disgust I'm really
disgusted in how my son treated his
friend at school today And
there's just a lot of you know
different words that try to really
help capture the word that most
resonate And
it's helpful to have that peace,
right? Like I didn't know what I was
(40:00):
feeling earlier.
Now I have a sense,
okay, now I'm gonna take some time
to quiet myself or
to repair with my son
or whatever it might be.
So that resource,
it would be a great.
Yeah, that'll be linked in all of
our show notes. Now, I'm looking at
three of your books.
I know there's a lot of other
resources as well with the four
(40:21):
habits of joy-filled marriages,
the four Habits of Raising
Joy-Filled Kids, and then the
Joy Switch. And then there's the
children's book, which I was pumped
about, switched on for joy.
So that's, I guess, those four
books. Where would you, those
will all be linked, but where would
you suggest, if there's something
stirred up in today's conversation,
a dad, is there one
(40:42):
that you're like, this is the
starting point?
How would you?
Yeah, you know, I have two
thoughts one is the book the joy
switch which really is about what
we're talking about How do I get
out of enemy mode?
How do i stay my relational self and
how do I build more joy with my kids
and that four habits of?
Joy-filled parenting book that's
that gives a lot of exercises that
(41:03):
dads can do Ultimately,
you, know it's good information, but
it's the exercises that really help
us to like instill these habits
So I'd say that four-habits
book or the joy, switch would Lots
of good exercises in both of them.
Thank you.
And as we kind of come in for
landing, any just like two,
three minutes,
(41:23):
anything that you're like, man, we
didn't cover this. I'd love to
encourage or challenge the
dad-awesome community.
Any just last things you'd want to
share?
Yeah, I would say just, you know,
some encouragement for dads.
You know, one of the challenges
of being a dad is sometimes
we didn't get some of the things
that we want to pass on to our
kids. And you know what?
(41:44):
The good news here, God is a God of
redemption and resurrection.
So anytime life comes or
death comes our way, we find
life in Christ.
And so I would say.
Parenting can be hard, especially
when our kids reach ages
where kind of our maturity got
stuck.
So, I did really well with my kids.
When they became teenagers, my brain
(42:04):
is like, I don't know what to do
with this.
You know what? This is where it just
helps, you know, getting our peace
with Jesus, talking to Him about the
things that we're noticing,
finding other dads.
That's why I love what you're doing,
Jeff, because you know what, finding
other dads.
is one of the best ways we get
that support so that we can
become that father and reflect
(42:25):
what our heart is for our kids.
So I'd say it's hard work,
you're climbing a mountain, but you
know what, the views are spectacular
and you will never regret
trying to be
your best self so that you love your
kids well.
And above all, our kids know that
they're loved.
When they know that,
they're gonna hold onto that the
(42:46):
rest of their lives.
And you're not gonna do it
perfectly, but we can get really
good at repairing.
When we've messed up, I do a
lot of repairing with my kids.
And you know what, that builds joy.
And so just having grace, but yet
finding some encouragement with
other dads, that can
go a long way.
Chris, thank you.
(43:06):
Thanks for your encouragement.
Thanks for the resources you've
created. Would you say a short
prayer over all of us dads before
we say goodbye?
Thank you, man.
Yeah, well, Lord God, I just thank
you for all the dads who's
listening to this time,
Lord. And I do pray that you just
bring them the wind for their sails,
Lord, that they would see themselves
through your eyes, Father,
(43:28):
that they see your
perspective when you look at them.
And Lord, that your face truly
shines over us.
And I just pray, Father that they,
all the dad's would be able to also
reflect your love.
to their kiddos, Lord, and
that Jesus, you would borrow their
faces in a sense, like their faces
(43:49):
would be billboards that reflect
your joy and delight.
And Father, that anytime
we lose our joy and our peace, I
just pray all the dads would
more and more find
you faster in those moments when
our joy is gone.
And I thank you, Jesus, that you
never leave us nor forsake us.
And I just thank you that your face
truly shines over your children
(44:10):
and your people.
And so thank you for these dads,
Lord. I just pray your blessing over
them that they would have
a sense of your peace and your
delight today.
In Jesus' name.
Thank you so much for joining us for
episode 377
(44:31):
with Chris Corsi.
The conversation links all of
his books, that free resource
that he mentioned about just
understanding what am I feeling
right now, kind of all the feelings
map or the grid to kind of like,
man, emotions.
That's all gonna be linked in the
show notes at dadawesome.org
slash podcast.
And then you just look for episode
377.
(44:52):
Guys, thank you for listening, but
let's be dads of action.
Let's not be dads of intent,
but let's be dads who take action,
who grow, who actually enter
into a new frontier of
learning and understanding so we can
bring our best, our whole selves,
so we could really understand deeper
connection with those we love.
So thanks for listening.
(45:13):
Praying for you guys this week.
Being a great father takes a massive
amount of courage.
Instead of being an amazing leader
and a decent dad, I want to be an
amazing dad and a descent leader.
The oldest dad in the world gave
you this assignment, which means you
must be ready for it.
As a dad, I get on my knees and I
fight for my kids.
Let us be those dads who
stop the generational pass
(00:22):
down of trauma.
I want encounters with
God where he teaches me
what to do with my kids I know
I'm going to be an awesome dad
because I'ma give it my all.
God gave our brain what we
call a relational circuit, and it's
(00:43):
kind of like a dimmer light switch.
When it's on, I'm relational.
I want to engage with you.
I feel curious what's happening in
your mind. I want be kind.
Really, I express the best of myself
when this relational circuit or what
I call a joy switch is on.
Welcome back to Dad Awesome,
guys. My name is Jeff Zaugg, and
(01:04):
today, episode 377,
I have Chris Coursey joining
me, and I'll introduce him a little
more in a moment here, but want to
remind you guys, this week,
today, tomorrow, you've got two
final days.
You've got to apply by midnight,
April 11th, if you want to join the
Dad Awesome Accelerator Group.
So we've hosted three of these
(01:25):
cohorts in the past.
We're about to launch into our
fourth.
accelerator cohort.
This is a group of 10 dads
giving six weeks to doing a
sprint around everything we've
learned at Dad Awesome in seven
and a half years.
I'm going to bring to this coaching
group.
over the course of six weeks.
You've got a couple hours of
homework each week, you've got one
hour of being on a Zoom call,
(01:47):
Wednesdays at around the lunch hour,
if you're in the central time zone.
So wanna invite you guys, email
awesome at dadawesome.org
to receive all the overview, the
promises, the expectations and the
link to apply.
So email awesome, at
dadawsome.org.
Also, any of you in
our Dad Awesome community that are
interested in scheduling a phone
(02:07):
call with me, I have just
loved these one-on-one phone calls,
taking about a half hour to
chat with members of our community
about the dad life.
How's it going? I learned from you
what are perspectives you're
learning, resources, tools you're
finding, but also I can take what
I've learned over this journey of
leading this ministry and
potentially help you
with different dad challenges
(02:29):
or dad situations.
It's just really fun for me.
And then I get to pray for you guys.
So simply click the button that
says, leave dad awesome a voicemail.
Leave Dad Awesome a voice message.
It's in all the show notes.
Click that button.
Leave me a little voice message
introducing yourself and I
prayerfully schedule one or two of
those each week.
So today though, today Chris
Corsi, we're gonna, this is
(02:50):
the promise. Today's conversation
will be a catalyst for
a joy revolution for
your family.
So Chris is all things
brain science, relational skills.
He's gonna talk a lot about joy,
the joy switch.
He's going to talk about skills
training around attachment theory.
He's gonna bring a lot of
research for decades into
(03:11):
how can he help us as dads
experience more joy,
connect more with our emotions, our
feelings, and then help
coach and guide our kids to
safety and to more skills
so they can approach problem solving
resilience.
So this conversation, so excited for
it. This is episode 377.
with Chris Corsi.
(03:41):
I don't think it's ever happened
before where I met somebody
and then less than a week later.
So we're talking five days since we
met, here we are, hopping
into a podcast conversation
because yeah, usually it's just
there's a time process, but you
were, you're about to take some time
away from work and ministry.
So I was like, is there any chance?
So thank you for saying yes.
(04:02):
I'm glad it worked brother.
I'm really excited to be here
with you
Well, I have like
a hundred questions.
So we're going to get to just, I'm
truly, in my research in
just the last five days, I took a
deep dive after walking by,
because I read the titles of all
your books. You know, I just kind of
quickly like got an idea for your
(04:23):
heart and your area of work and
expertise.
And so because I have so many
questions.
Sometimes it's fun to let's go story
first and then we'll
see where we rock and roll.
But the story is we play tag
with my daughters.
We play monster tag at
the playground.
And now monster tag
is delightful tag.
(04:44):
It's not scary monster, it's
delightful monster, but I have
long arms and I can reach up
and catch them and try
not to trip them.
But it's a monster tag.
The playground is one of our
favorites, But you know this,
Chris, that monster and that just
like analogy of dads
being the monster, you know, we're
loud, we are fast, we have long
(05:04):
reach, which is all fun.
It can be delight.
but we can also bring destruction
with being a monster.
And I'd love to just hear, where does
that take your heart when you think
about dad awesome and monster tag?
I love that picture
and yeah, you know part
of what we do is we train relational
skills that help us to be
gentle Protectors and
(05:26):
so our brain when our brain is
wired to be a predator when we're
first born because we want to put
everything In our mouth.
We want to consume
And so we learn
how to be gentle protectors
who have fun and who
smile and laugh, but also
who know when to stop, right?
Like if you think of tickling, my
sons would love when I would tickle
(05:47):
them, but there's a moment where
they were like, okay, you could tell
they reached their limit.
Let me have a breather.
So that's a relational skill,
right, where I'm able to say, hey,
you know what, let's take a breater
right now. So learning to use the
brakes...
is part of how we build trust
and safety in our families.
And so just keeping that in
(06:08):
mind, you know, joy grows when we're
glad to be together.
And I love that game that you play
with your kids.
It's fun. I bet there's smiles on
everybody's face.
Lots of laughter, right?
Joy is a high energy response.
And so whenever we feel this glad
to-be-togetherness, we kind
of get energized and
joy is always leads to rest.
(06:30):
So, Jeff, it's just when I build
joy with my sons and we play or we
wrestle, they love to wrestle,
you know, we rest and we take
a breather at the right times.
And so, just thinking about, you,
know, fun and good things grow,
but we want to know when
the light turns yellow as
getting ready to turn red, we just
(06:51):
tap the brakes, we pause, let our
kiddos have a moment to
rest, and then we pick up with some
more fun, some more joy.
So that's a unique perspective
as we think about that.
Now, your chapter of dad life
is your sons, are they both
teenagers or is 112?
They're both teenagers now,
yep, it's gotten real.
(07:12):
Oh man, how would your wife
describe if you subtract
10 years in your
dad presence,
your fatherhood journey, subtract 10
year, how would she have described
you as a dad?
Oh, that's an excellent question.
I think, you know, she would
describe me as someone that loves
connection.
I love connection with
(07:34):
my sons and,
you know, any, any
chance, any excuse to spend
time connecting with them.
Uh, my sons love to be outside.
So, you, know, we'd be outside every
moment we could playing,
running around, having fun.
And so I, I just, you know, I love
being a dad.
(07:55):
and having just those
sweet moments of connection with
them. And I'll always cherish,
always cherish these times.
So you said, you know, just that
love that you get to be their
dad. And I, I've been using the word
delight, like delightful dad
of just like, you know, God said,
You know, you're my loved son,
(08:15):
um, in whom I am well pleased,
right? That we can bring some of
that, but delightful dads,
it's not, it's not like we
accidentally become delightful dads.
That's right.
In fact, the pressures of life
probably move us in the other
direction of being a little bit
sharp and edgy.
Several of my friends, because of
Dad Awesome and because of some of
(08:35):
the coaching I've done, they
actually can't even imagine me
not loving being a dad or
being sharp with my girls
or abrasive or defensive with
my wife. But I told them, I was just
being real. I was like, guys, I need
some prayer.
Like, I can't imagine you
like that. I'm like, well, it's
real. I don't stay in that land.
(08:56):
What moves you away from
delighting as a dad?
and what are some things you've
learned to get you back in that
direction?
Yeah, you know, that's a great
question.
You know, I grew up, my dad,
loved my dad.
Such an amazing
guy. But when I was younger, he
had a lot of anger, right?
(09:17):
He just had a lotta anger.
So I learned this
example of anger
gets things done.
And so when my sons were born, I
said, Lord.
I want to be different, you
know? I want be able to
have that delight, right?
I love that word that you use,
delight.
Because in the brain, delight means
(09:37):
when someone delights in us, that's
joy. That's how our brain responds
to delight.
It's like, wow, someone's really
glad to be with me.
So I think, you now, part of my
prayer going into fatherhood
was just, I want to give my
son something a little different
than what I had.
And you know what, I still mess up.
(09:58):
I still drop the ball with my
sons.
But I've given them something that
I didn't really get growing up,
which was repair, right?
So in those moments where I've lost
my joy and I lost my peace
and I feel that
disconnect, I wanna get
really good at repairing with my
son and saying, guys, I'm sorry.
(10:19):
Dad was too loud there or dad was
too intense.
I want them to be able to
have that freedom.
to be able to get back to
joy when we've lost our joy.
And honestly, when I look back on
this time in my life,
more than anything, I just, I want
my sons to feel loved.
I want them to feel valued.
(10:41):
I want to feel seen,
you know? And I try to make it a
point every night when I say
goodnight to them. Dad loves you
guys, I love you guys.
and give them that big hug.
Now they're teenagers, you know,
they're not real big, always
on the dad hug, but
just to really affirm and validate,
I love you guys, and
(11:01):
I want them to always feel
that love, right?
Just to have that father's love,
is there something about that that's
so healing?
And so just for me, I've had to be
very purposeful.
Some of this hasn't come natural to
me when I first became
a dad.
Like I have to really, it's like
working out. I've got to grow some
(11:21):
muscles here that I really haven't
used very much in being
able to connect with them or
reconnect and just to really
try to be present in
their lives.
Like I want that, I want their
mind to always feel
like dad loves me.
Yes. In the good and the bad, in
the hard times and the fun times.
(11:42):
I want them to just feel like
Dad loves me
That's my prayer.
That's mine my prayer
And I want to move into that idea of
skills and training and
actually go beyond.
In fact, this is a quote that I, I
think it's from the joy switch of it
might be from a different one of
your books, but you said, our good
intentions and willpower take
(12:03):
a backseat to emotional capacity.
That is our ability to manage what
we feel and regulate our emotions.
So the dad's listening.
we all have good intentions.
We wouldn't be listening to dad also
without having good intentions and
willpower, but it doesn't matter
those good intentions and Willpower
if we don't have the skill
of managing, you know,
(12:23):
and regulating our emotions.
So this is this is kind of the
deep dive question.
This kind of take us deep into brain
science and all you're learning
about man.
I would just I would love to hear
Chris just some coaching
to help us be ready
to put action and
actually follow through to those
intentions.
I love that.
So yeah, you know what I found
(12:44):
really interesting as I started
going into brain science is that
God gave our brain what we
call a relational circuit, and it's
kind of like a dimmer light switch.
When it's on, I'm relational,
right? I want to engage with
you. I feel curious what's happening
in your mind. I want be kind.
Really I express the best of myself
when this relational circuit or what
(13:06):
I call the
But that dimmer switch can go
off, right? Where I get strong
emotions, maybe I didn't sleep last
night or there's a conflict
that I'm navigating.
When things get hard to manage,
then this relational circuit goes
off what we call enemy
mode.
And in enemy mode, right,
(13:27):
my children or my friends or my
coworkers, they feel like enemies,
even other drivers, they like
enemies in that moment.
And now the good news, is
that while the switch can go on or
off the good news is we
can get the switch back on anytime
it starts to fade you
know and I encourage men when you
notice you're starting to lose your
(13:47):
joy or your peace right that's
probably where enemy mode's creeping
in that's where
like what helps you get your joy and
peace back some some guys just need
to go outside and take a couple deep
breaths right or they need to
do something maybe go in the garage
and do something
But just learning what helps you
when you start to slip into enemy
(14:08):
mode and you feel that
we feel rigid and tense and
angry.
We're not our best selves in
enemy mode.
And just thinking through what helps
you stay and
return to relational mode any
time you kind of fall out and you
slip. And we're all going to do
(14:28):
that, Jeff. We're all gonna have
those times, right, where we've
lost our joy and our peace.
We slip into enemy mode.
I'd rather be on my phone.
I don't, you know, I'm not getting
along with my wife or I'm
upset with my kids over something.
The good news is we don't have to
stay there, right?
This is, I also spent a lot of time
(14:48):
talking to Jesus about what's going
on when I'm feeling like I'm
slipping into enemy-mode here, and I
don' wanna visit this for too long.
And so even connecting with another
guy or connecting with someone,
whatever it is that helps you
stay in what I call your relational
sweet spot where you're curious,
you're kind and you really
(15:09):
want to be present with your kids
and your family.
That a little bit goes a long
way when we use that lens
because we all lose access to the
relational parts of our brain at
times. but we don't have
to stay there, Jeff.
And that's.
That's a really hopeful message.
We don't have to stay stuck in enemy
mode.
(15:30):
Yes. And I, I sometimes
will like realize I'm going in that
direction of like I'm amplifying,
um, yeah, complaints or
amplifying frustrations, or I'm,
I'm rehearsing over and over what
someone didn't do or did,
and I'll go do 10 burpees
and sometimes that'll
work physical, like physical.
(15:51):
Sometimes I'll still be in the same
place after that physical, it's
like, okay, like I try something
else. And then there's like
declaration prayers, like scripture,
and I'm declaring, I'm using my
voice and like, okay, usually
that one does help.
But what are some other examples
of, man, I am the person I
love most, I am...
vilifying in my head, I'm enemy
mode. Like, what am I think, like,
(16:11):
why?
It's so crazy.
And it's usually tiredness.
Like, so end of the day,
bedtime didn't go great with my four
daughters. And now I'm like, I just
want to wash dishes by myself.
I don't even want to be near the,
like I'm referring to my wife,
Michelle, right?
And she knows, like I can swing
and then swing back.
What are some other examples on how
to, how to name it, but
(16:32):
then to take positive action?
Yeah, so there's two responses
that we usually have in
enemy mode. Some of us get amped up.
I love your example of doing the
burpees. You're moving, right?
Some of us when we start
to slip into enemy mode, we have
energy and we need to burn it off.
We need to turn it off, some of us
are more low energy people.
(16:53):
And so when we're slipping into
enemy, we need a little space.
We just need to go cool
down.
I often tell people, the
thing that they'll tell you if you
ever happen to be in an ambulance,
take some deep breaths, right?
They're always gonna tell you, the
first thing to go when we slip into
enemy mode is our breathing.
We get really shallow.
(17:13):
We kinda just, for me, I practically
hold my breath.
I can tell when I'm in enemy mode
where I'm like holding my breath,
I'm hardly breathing.
So just simply taking some
deep breathes, you get more oxygen
into your bloodstream, more oxygen
to your brain, it calms down.
uh... but if the people are low
energy they probably need some space
great they need a little distance
(17:36):
uh... to cool down right when
the jets are too hot but
some of us and we need movement and
so i i love the at the burpees
example like some of those we just
need to move and burn
off some steam out one of the
go-to uh...
responses to help me get out of
enemy mode is remembering joy
And so when you pause
(17:57):
and just remember some of the good
things, what are some of God's
gifts, right?
I look at pictures on my phone when
I'm really like I'm slipping into
enemy mode or I'm stuck in enemy
mode.
I found that remembering those
special moments, those fun days
when I took my sons to the beach and
we got to play frisbee or
throw the football.
(18:18):
Even looking at pictures on our
phone reminds us of
joy and honestly that is one of
the best ways to help us
Get unstuck and stay out of
enemy mode is you're activating
what I call these joy files in your
brain Yeah, and anytime we
remember joy from the past
your brain responds as though it's
reliving the moment all over again
(18:40):
Which is amazing, right?
God we're fearfully and wonderfully
made. God made us amazing
Amazing creatures here.
We are amazing people But
remembering joy and some people I
know some guys they'll have a little
list and their phone and the notes
app and they will Write down special
memories that will be their go-to
Spot to really
(19:01):
recharge and refresh so
that that I encourage everybody to
try Jeff remember the good stuff
Yes, I'm thinking of the visual
of the movie Inside Out.
I'm grabbing these glowing orbs
of memories and I'm putting them
back on the screen.
That's right.
So good.
So there's using photos.
There's using lists of joyful
(19:23):
memories, treasured moments,
gratitude lists.
You know, I mentioned declaration,
prayers, scripture, I'm thinking
about like the Wim Hof, 10
minute method or the
John Eldridge pause app.
Yes.
Breathing.
Um, I'd love for you to add even a
couple others. Any other ones you
didn't mention that you'd say would
help?
Yeah, some of us need to
(19:45):
voice what we're feeling and
so if you're really having a hard
time, is there someone that you
could talk to for a couple minutes?
Someone that can pray for you?
Do you have a brother who can pray?
Anytime your brain feels seen,
heard and understood, that's going
to help you get out of enemy mode.
(20:05):
So that's where talking to Jesus, I
love your examples with the prayers.
The box breathing.
Is a really another good thing
people can do one of the best
ways to quiet is actually
Deep inhale and when you exhale
you sigh And so
you take that you fill your lungs
with air, but when you inhale you
sigh And that lots
(20:27):
of fun science around it But what
that does is that really helps get
our nervous system back to a
trainable state
Some of us, you know what?
Maybe you need a little project.
Like I like you're doing dishes.
I'm the same way I'm the same
way when I notice while I'm really
getting off line here, and I'm not
helping the bedtime right now
because I'm offline doing
(20:49):
dishes, right?
Do something simple and
your brain gets a lot of dopamine if
you do something for a few minutes
and you bring it to like a
stopping point.
A lot of us just like it's a
short little finish this task.
So I've got a few things in the
garage. I want to go move around.
I don't want to do my three hour
cleaning. I'll save that for another
(21:09):
day.
But what can I do in five,
six, seven minutes that's going to
help me feel good because I did
something?
But I also have a few friends in
my phone that if I'm
having a hard time getting out of
enemy mode, I could call or
I could text and say, hey, I'm not
doing well. Would you mind praying
with me?
(21:29):
And as well, remembering times
where you felt God's closeness.
So if you ever had a time in your
life where you just felt like God
was there, God was with you, Jesus
was right there by your side.
Those are other things that when you
can remember God's gifts and God's
closeness, then we can say, well,
Jesus, where are you right now?
What are you doing right now.
And just the other day, I was flying
(21:51):
home, Jeff, from the event we
were both at.
And I noticed when they were calling
the groups, all the people from
different groups all got in line
and the boarding became a
bit of chaos.
And I was standing there
and I noticed I started to feel
tense. I started almost like anxious
like I felt like I I have
a carry-on bag, I'm not going to be
(22:12):
able to have a spot to put my bag by
the time I get on this thing.
So I was slipping into enemy mode.
I started worrying.
And the moment I caught that, Jeff,
I was like, okay, I want to take a
deep breath. And I said, Lord Jesus,
what are you doing right now?
What do you want me to know about
where you're at in this?
And I just had a few
seconds of a thought.
(22:33):
Just had a sense of Jesus seeing me.
He was there.
He was like, Chris, take a breather.
You're gonna get on the plane.
You're going to make it home.
Take a breater.
And so I was able to stay curious,
like, wow, why am I feeling this
way? So, I mean, we're talking a 30
second little interaction, Jeff,
that just helped me.
Okay, my feet were slipping into
enemy mode, taking
(22:55):
that little bit of time to
remember God's closeness and then
interact with Jesus in that moment.
And I stayed relational the rest of
that time.
It was so simple, but yet it
really impacted me.
Yeah, I want to go back to
what you said with joy and how you
actually see people's response when
you bring joy.
You can see them light up a little
(23:16):
bit. My extreme example
was the year after
the COVID shut down,
when Disney World opened back up,
we happened to be in Florida, and so
I didn't get to see anyone's
smiles the whole day long because
we all had our
smiles were covered.
That's hard. It was a hard day,
(23:36):
totally, because I'm usually, you
can steal joy,
not steal, it's the wrong
expression, but you can borrow joy
from other people's delight at a
playground or at an ice cream
store. You're seeing everybody light
up and it was
none of that. But what
I'm thinking about is it's almost
imaginative prayer, what you just
mentioned of you ask Jesus, What
(23:58):
do you want me to know?
30-second prayer.
I can pair that with your other
advice of go back to times you felt
close to God.
So imagining prayer of a
dock that I was on, or there's a
stone wall in Arizona that I laid on
and looked at the stars after a
night of ministry.
And there's things that
actually, it's amazing.
My physical body just responded to
(24:19):
me mentioning a memory in Arizona
when I was 20 years old.
I love that.
So what would you add into
God being our source of joy
to what you've already shared?
Yeah, you know one of the things
that really honestly shocked me
about God and I grew up in the
church But I drifted once teenage
years arrived. I just I ran
(24:40):
the other way full speed and
in college I had a chance to do an
internship with a ministry and
during that time I
started to really take seriously
interacting with God and at first I
didn't think God would talk to me I
thought he was mad at me all the
time So I was a little nervous but
I started talking to him and I was
like lord. I just want to
I want your closeness in my life,
(25:02):
like more than anything, Lord, I
just want your closeness.
And I would start having these
thoughts of Jesus actually
smiling when He looked at me,
because I thought I'd see an, you
know, I thought I would have an
angry reaction from Jesus.
But over time, as I just started
these talks with the Lord, like
Lord, I want Your closeness, like,
how do you see me, Lord?
(25:22):
Because I feel like you see Me as a
failure, I'm a bad boy, I
am, you
I started to have these thoughts and
images in my mind for the first
time, that Jesus was actually
glad to be with me.
It shocked me, Jeff.
I was shocked.
It took a little while for me to
really let that sink in.
(25:42):
I encourage men,
take the time as you remember God's
gifts and you remember God's
closeness.
Start asking Jesus, how does He
see you?
What look is on His face
when He looks at you.
And how does He see you?
And honestly, that changed my life.
It's so simple, but yet it was so
profound.
(26:03):
God likes being with me, and
He likes being with all of us,
and he's glad to see us.
And that, Jeff, that just changed
everything, honestly.
Uh, when we are
hovering around this topic of
joy, some dads
are just like, well, I'm an
introvert or I'm quieter.
(26:23):
My, my gravitational pull who
I am in my 35
years of life is just, that's not
who I'm, that some other people, not
me, what would
you, how would you encourage those
dads to stay engaged?
Yeah, I relate to that.
I really do relate to that.
I really spent a lot
of time feeling dismissive
(26:44):
or even just disconnected more than
I wanted.
And the nice thing about joy is it's
not happiness.
Happiness is circumstantial.
I'm happy that my kitchen is
currently almost finished with
the construction project.
That makes me very happy.
But joy is through the shared
experience.
And so we feel joy, if you think
about it.
(27:05):
When I went to the hospital because
I hurt my back and they kept me
overnight, when my wife
and kids showed up, I
felt joy.
They were with me
in that place.
So joy doesn't have to be over the
top and exuberant.
But joy is also that sense of
someone's there with us and
(27:25):
this someone is glad that were here.
And the nice thing that I've learned
about God is He will meet us right
where we're at.
I wasn't an outgoing,
exuberant type of person.
I kind of held my cards close.
But Jesus met me right where
I was.
And it was that sense, joy is that
sense that, wow, someone's
(27:46):
here with me, but someone's glad to
be with me.
And especially for fathers with
your children.
I like to put it this
way, let's let Jesus borrow our face
for a little while.
How would I look at my son's
if Jesus lives in my face today
when I get home from work?
So that's the one way to look at it,
Jeff. What would it look like if
(28:07):
Jesus borrows your face when
you get home tonight and you
interact with your kids.
Wow,
the tonight when I get home, there's
that framework, but then there's
also the awareness that what's
coming after our joy might
span back through.
decades earlier, something that
happened and things,
(28:28):
or it could just be the phone call
on the way home. It could be that
too. But you kind
of surface these triggers, these
common triggers that shut down
our circuits, the big six negative
emotions. So I'll just hit them
fast, but shame, anger,
disgust, sadness,
fear, hopeless despair.
You don't have to break them all
down, but just could you talk a
(28:49):
little bit about how there's
things coming after this circuit
that want to move us away
from that switch being turned on.
Yeah, so the interesting thing
about those those emotions is
emotions are signals that something
needs our attention, right?
So anger, for example Anger
is your brain's way of trying to
make something stop Now god
(29:10):
gave us these emotions Uh,
they're not bad But when they
feel bad is when I don't know how
to return to joy or I don't know
how To calm myself And
so the good news is our brain's
wired for emotions.
We see, I was just reading about
Elijah recently and how
he was threatened by Jezebel and
man, he took off.
He took off, but yet
(29:31):
God showed up and God
fed him and God
gave him rest.
And then eventually he gets to
interact with God very
intimately, very closely.
So our brain is going to have
emotions, and it is going to
have emotion, but the million dollar
question we want to think about is,
what do I need when I feel
(29:53):
this emotion?
When I'm mad, what do I mean?
Or when I'm feeling some shame,
right? I don't like feeling shame,
but what helps me be able to
sense God's closeness and still
be my relational self.
But I want to encourage the guys,
you know, our brains wired for
emotions. It's emotions are going
to happen.
We probably all have opinions about
whether emotions are good or not,
(30:15):
but just think about it this way.
What helps you return to your
relational, peaceful self when
you're in big feelings and big
reactions, whether it's the
connecting with someone, interacting
with Jesus, taking
that walk, whatever it
is that just helps you be able to
no longer be the Incredible
(30:35):
Hulk. We want to stay David
Banner here.
We We are going to have
those moments, right?
Where we all, I get mad,
right, or I get disgusted,
or I gets worried.
It's not the end of the world,
right. We can learn to feel those
feelings, share them, and then calm
(30:56):
them. Whether it's with Jesus,
whether it's someone we trust.
But don't beat yourself up because
emotions come up.
They are gonna come up,
right but we can learn to calm
those emotions and
stay our relational selves.
Yeah. And then there's kind
of two sides of this conversation.
There's the, who am I becoming?
(31:16):
How am I managing?
How am moving towards connection,
relational connection versus all
the other negative ways?
But then there is the raising kids
that understand and
feel connection with God,
experience joy.
raising kids who are resilient,
which I know there's a direct
connection. I love to hear you
(31:37):
expound on that connection between
joy and resilience.
Can you take us a little bit into
the other side of of coaching,
helping our kids grow?
Yes, that's a great question
and you know every human brain
when emotions arise in our in our
kids Every human brain
wants to feel seen heard and
understood right?
So when my son's really mad because
(31:58):
his brother's being mean
um What they need from me in that
moment is to feel seeing heard
and understand, right?
I might still have to do some
correcting. I might.
Still have to. Do some discipline
But that comes after I
validate and comfort.
So the brain can be validated and
comforted. So when my son's really
mad, I say, wow, buddy, I can see
you're really mad right now.
(32:18):
Like your face is red.
You're upset, aren't you?
So validation just says what we
see, right? I don't have to fix it
in that moment.
But once I validate, that helps
him feel, okay, dad sees
me here.
Okay, somebody sees me, here.
And then we follow validation with
comfort that just says, what do you
need right now when you're this mad?
(32:39):
Right, what do you need?
Do you need some deep breaths,
right? Do you want to go sit outside
and talk?
Like what helps you calm down?
And most of us have no clue what we
need, right. I just, when people
would ask me that question, Jeff, I
was like, I don't even know what I
need. I just need this anger to go
away.
But when our kids are upset,
when we validate and comfort
(33:00):
them, that sets the stage for
everything else we want to
accomplish. So if I do need to
discipline or correct, That comes
after validation and comforting
because what that does is that's
gonna help him calm down so that
then he's in a teachable state.
But if he's an enemy mode because
he's so angry, he's not in a
teacherable state, right?
And so I might try to use it as
(33:21):
a learning opportunity, but
if he is in enemy mode, brain is not
open to new information in
enemy modes.
So validation and comfort, and
Jeff, that was not natural for me
growing up. Like none of this was
natural for at all.
I-I- I had none of
these skills and practices,
but the good news is we
(33:41):
can practice. We can get better at
practicing.
Hey, Validation, you're
really upset.
What do you see and hear in
your child?
Just put words to that.
And comfort is, hey, is there
anything good that we can hold on to
while you navigate Is there anything
from your day?
What would be helpful right now?
(34:02):
And what that does is that helps get
them back into their relational
best self.
And then we can have the
discussions. Then we can talk about
what needs to happen now as
consequences or correction.
But the main thing is we help
them to get their joy and their
peace back so that they're calmer
than they would be before.
So that's just, you know, that's one
(34:24):
tool that you'll get a
lot of mileage out of validation
and comfort. They just need
to feel like somebody gets me.
Somebody is with me and
now they're in a much better state
to have that discussion that
we might want to have with them
and they might even have the
solutions themselves.
They don't need. Right, that's
right. And a lot of times they will.
(34:45):
That's right. And a lot of times theywill. Yeah,
you're exactly right.
I love that a lot of the times they
well because now they have access to
the creative parts of their brain,
which is in relational mode.
So yeah, I love that.
And that does you'll be surprised
how often that can happen when
we're just curious because I'm
staying relational.
I'm trying to stay relational with
my with my children.
(35:06):
That's where curiosity is present.
Hey, buddy, what's going on here?
I can see you're having a bad day.
What would be helpful?
You know, what do you need right
now? Let's figure this out together.
Things get a lot easier after
that.
Does that springboard into emotional
resilience or is that another area?
Yeah, it does.
So here's the good news about
(35:27):
relational, glad-to-be-together joy,
right? We're genuinely just glad to
be together and we
value the process of getting back
to joy anytime we lose
our joy, which with kids,
this can happen a lot, especially if
you have teenagers.
So we get a lot of practice on this.
So building joy strengthens
our ability to suffer well, and
(35:50):
that's where you get a lots of
emotional resilience come in.
People who have They feel
loved, but they have people who are
just genuinely glad to see
them, and they make the effort
to connect with them.
Joy increases our ability
to have emotional resilience.
So we're hard branches to break
on a tree when there's
(36:11):
joy that's present in our family,
in our interactions.
So the more joy our children
have.
the better they're gonna be able to
do to roll with the hard stuff and
to recover when things go wrong.
It pays off over time, Jeff, and
it's just a little bit
goes a long way when it comes to
joy. That really will go
a long with our kids.
(36:31):
Is that what you mean by, when I
read about joy bonds versus
fear bonds, is that the same
concept?
Yeah, so joy bonds and fear bonds
is your brain has two, really
there's two motivations for the
brain. It's either going to be this
glad to be together joy.
So when there's glad to together
joy, my brain looks for
and scans the environment for
opportunities to grow some joy.
(36:53):
And Jeff, I've learned this about
you just getting to interact with
you since the weekend.
You're someone that has a lot of
joy and people who interact with,
they feel like, wow, this guy is
really glad that I'm here.
It's very genuine
And so what that would be
is, wow, anytime I'm around
Jeff, I just really feel valued.
(37:13):
Like this guy is glad that I'm
here.
So when I don't
have a lot of joy or seasons where
I just feel like someone's poked a
hole in my joy balloon, then
your brain's gonna run on the fuel
of fear. So instead of scanning for
opportunities for joy, now
my brain's going to scan for
threats.
So that's where you'll start
getting, and we'll bond out of joy.
(37:36):
or we'll bond out of fear, right?
Are we building glad to be
togetherness or are
you dreading having to interact with
me because you don't know what's
gonna happen, right.
And so that's where people,
especially our children, like what
are they gonna get out of dad when I
come home?
Are they gonna a genuine glad to-be
with you response? I think it's not
like super over the top and it's
(37:56):
faking it, you know, till we make
it.
It's just genuinely, what do I?
What do I enjoy in my
kids, right?
And Lord, what do you see when you
look at my sons, right, and how can
I reflect that this evening when I
interact with them?
And that feels a lot different than,
oh no, dad's home, now I have to
like, you know, I have
hide or I have avoid him.
(38:17):
Then they're stepping on eggshells.
So, joy bonds, are we glad to be
together?
Can we expect and
anticipate more joy?
Or it's like, I really don't
want to be around this person,
right? I've got to avoid
them, and that's where the fear kind
of starts to become our
motivation instead of joy.
(38:38):
The earlier you mentioned, you
know, as dad, sometimes I
don't know what I'm feeling.
Like what am I feeling right now?
What would be either a recommended
resource could be one of your books
or, you know,
a motion chart, name your emotion.
Like what would be encouragement for
me to grow in,
(38:58):
being able to name what I am
currently experiencing and feeling.
Well, that's a great question,
because our ministry, the team,
we just created an emotions chart
that gives different words for those
six emotions that you mentioned
earlier. Those are like what we call
the big six emotions our brain is
wired for.
We have a lot of different words
to try to capture different shades
(39:19):
of that emotion.
We even have body words, because
emotions will always show up in our
body. So if I'm mad, you're going
to see it when I'm
bad.
So that's a free resource anybody
could quickly download.
That's really why we created this We
just want to help guys be able to
hey, I don't even know what I'm
feeling here Let me look at some of
these options and so
(39:39):
with a little bit of curiosity.
It's like, okay I
thought I was just mad, but I think
I'm feelin some disgust I'm really
disgusted in how my son treated his
friend at school today And
there's just a lot of you know
different words that try to really
help capture the word that most
resonate And
it's helpful to have that peace,
right? Like I didn't know what I was
(40:00):
feeling earlier.
Now I have a sense,
okay, now I'm gonna take some time
to quiet myself or
to repair with my son
or whatever it might be.
So that resource,
it would be a great.
Yeah, that'll be linked in all of
our show notes. Now, I'm looking at
three of your books.
I know there's a lot of other
resources as well with the four
(40:21):
habits of joy-filled marriages,
the four Habits of Raising
Joy-Filled Kids, and then the
Joy Switch. And then there's the
children's book, which I was pumped
about, switched on for joy.
So that's, I guess, those four
books. Where would you, those
will all be linked, but where would
you suggest, if there's something
stirred up in today's conversation,
a dad, is there one
(40:42):
that you're like, this is the
starting point?
How would you?
Yeah, you know, I have two
thoughts one is the book the joy
switch which really is about what
we're talking about How do I get
out of enemy mode?
How do i stay my relational self and
how do I build more joy with my kids
and that four habits of?
Joy-filled parenting book that's
that gives a lot of exercises that
(41:03):
dads can do Ultimately,
you, know it's good information, but
it's the exercises that really help
us to like instill these habits
So I'd say that four-habits
book or the joy, switch would Lots
of good exercises in both of them.
Thank you.
And as we kind of come in for
landing, any just like two,
three minutes,
(41:23):
anything that you're like, man, we
didn't cover this. I'd love to
encourage or challenge the
dad-awesome community.
Any just last things you'd want to
share?
Yeah, I would say just, you know,
some encouragement for dads.
You know, one of the challenges
of being a dad is sometimes
we didn't get some of the things
that we want to pass on to our
kids. And you know what?
(41:44):
The good news here, God is a God of
redemption and resurrection.
So anytime life comes or
death comes our way, we find
life in Christ.
And so I would say.
Parenting can be hard, especially
when our kids reach ages
where kind of our maturity got
stuck.
So, I did really well with my kids.
When they became teenagers, my brain
(42:04):
is like, I don't know what to do
with this.
You know what? This is where it just
helps, you know, getting our peace
with Jesus, talking to Him about the
things that we're noticing,
finding other dads.
That's why I love what you're doing,
Jeff, because you know what, finding
other dads.
is one of the best ways we get
that support so that we can
become that father and reflect
(42:25):
what our heart is for our kids.
So I'd say it's hard work,
you're climbing a mountain, but you
know what, the views are spectacular
and you will never regret
trying to be
your best self so that you love your
kids well.
And above all, our kids know that
they're loved.
When they know that,
they're gonna hold onto that the
(42:46):
rest of their lives.
And you're not gonna do it
perfectly, but we can get really
good at repairing.
When we've messed up, I do a
lot of repairing with my kids.
And you know what, that builds joy.
And so just having grace, but yet
finding some encouragement with
other dads, that can
go a long way.
Chris, thank you.
(43:06):
Thanks for your encouragement.
Thanks for the resources you've
created. Would you say a short
prayer over all of us dads before
we say goodbye?
Thank you, man.
Yeah, well, Lord God, I just thank
you for all the dads who's
listening to this time,
Lord. And I do pray that you just
bring them the wind for their sails,
Lord, that they would see themselves
through your eyes, Father,
(43:28):
that they see your
perspective when you look at them.
And Lord, that your face truly
shines over us.
And I just pray, Father that they,
all the dad's would be able to also
reflect your love.
to their kiddos, Lord, and
that Jesus, you would borrow their
faces in a sense, like their faces
(43:49):
would be billboards that reflect
your joy and delight.
And Father, that anytime
we lose our joy and our peace, I
just pray all the dads would
more and more find
you faster in those moments when
our joy is gone.
And I thank you, Jesus, that you
never leave us nor forsake us.
And I just thank you that your face
truly shines over your children
(44:10):
and your people.
And so thank you for these dads,
Lord. I just pray your blessing over
them that they would have
a sense of your peace and your
delight today.
In Jesus' name.
Thank you so much for joining us for
episode 377
(44:31):
with Chris Corsi.
The conversation links all of
his books, that free resource
that he mentioned about just
understanding what am I feeling
right now, kind of all the feelings
map or the grid to kind of like,
man, emotions.
That's all gonna be linked in the
show notes at dadawesome.org
slash podcast.
And then you just look for episode
377.
(44:52):
Guys, thank you for listening, but
let's be dads of action.
Let's not be dads of intent,
but let's be dads who take action,
who grow, who actually enter
into a new frontier of
learning and understanding so we can
bring our best, our whole selves,
so we could really understand deeper
connection with those we love.
So thanks for listening.
(45:13):
Praying for you guys this week.
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