Ever fantasized about sending a scorched-earth resignation email or confronting that “complicated” colleague head-on? In this episode, we explore the messy realities and hidden costs of revenge in the workplace—and uncover healthier, more powerful strategies for navigating conflict and difficult people.
We kick off with a viral real-life resignation email—an employee’s “digital declaration of war”—and ask: Is revenge ever the right answer, or just a tempting fantasy? To help us dig deeper, we welcome leadership expert and executive coach Ryan Leak, who shares research and tactics from his new book How to Work with Complicated People. Ryan challenges us to recognize that “complicated” is in the eye of the beholder, and often, the growth opportunity in conflict lies with us.
Then, conflict resolution specialist James Kimmel takes us into the neuroscience of revenge. We learn just how a grudge can hijack our brain like a drug—triggering temporary pleasure but lasting destruction. James shares practical, evidence-based steps for breaking the cycle and explains why forgiveness isn’t just a virtue but a neurological “wonder drug” for our own well-being. His new book is called The Science of Revenge.
Whether you’re dreaming of a Jerry Maguire exit or just tired of that one messy team dynamic, this episode will help you turn revenge fantasies into opportunities for learning, integrity, and genuine professional growth.
Five Key Learnings:
- “Complicated” Is Subjective: What you find difficult in a colleague, someone else might find easy—meaning anyone (including ourselves) can be “complicated” to work with.
- People Over Job Description: Job satisfaction is far more influenced by the people you work with than by the actual work you do.
- Honest Conversation Heals: Growth and resolution often require stepping into vulnerable, authentic dialogue with colleagues—even if it’s uncomfortable.
- Revenge Is Addictive—And Costly: Neuroscience shows that seeking revenge lights up our reward centers like an addiction, but leaves us feeling worse and traps us in a cycle of pain.
- Forgiveness as Self-Healing: Quiet, internal forgiveness—without any big announcements—switches off our brain’s pain and reward loops, empowering us to make clearer, healthier decisions.
Mentioned in this episode:
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