The Loss of The Relationship You Are Grieving is The Part of Yourself That You Are Craving.

The Loss of The Relationship You Are Grieving is The Part of Yourself That You Are Craving.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:42):
Hello, Hello everyone, and thank you so much. Welcome to
doctor Judy WTF. I'm doctor Judy and this is a
callin show everyone, so please feel free to call in.
I know that there are people that are going to
be asking questions in the chat room, and I'm totally
willing to answer those questions. However, I've got to say

(01:05):
I really like when people call in because then we
can get into the meat of the matter and detail
it out and use you as a live example of
the process. And the process that I'm referring to is
the process that I've been using for several years, actually
over a decade now, called the mind map system. And

(01:25):
the mind map system is a pathway to healing, and
it is a pathway of tracking childhood wounds, how we
react to them, how we negatively goode them. I'm talking
about negative core beliefs and how it breaks us down
into chaos defenses and offentually total breakdowns. So the mind

(01:49):
Map's purpose, of course, is to morph you out of
all of the mess that I just described and paradigm
shift you into the last three panels, which is a
pair of time shift and then the healing and the unity.
So let's get into it. The topic today is the
loss of the relationship that you are grieving, is the

(02:12):
part of yourself that you are craving. So why do
people stick in a relationship? That's what we're going to
get into today. And there's a piece of I don't
know anybody who hasn't grieved the loss of a relationship.
You have to be really lucky to get it right
the first round. And then, you know, even even though

(02:35):
we're talking mostly about romantic relationships, there are other types
of relationships that we grieve, friendships and so on and
so forth, death of loved ones. But actually, you know,
it all boils back down to us. What is our
experience and what is the hole in our soul that

(02:55):
we are craving that the relationship gave us, or maybe
gave us in little spurts and maybe created a desire
within us that our is still yet to be fulfilled.
So we want to look at why is it that
we are grieving so hard the relationship even when the

(03:18):
relationship has been gone for months or even years or
even decades. And I thought about this topic as a
way to describe our internal cravings. What do we crave
from life? What do we crave from ourselves? What is
it that the relationship instigated in us that leaves us

(03:41):
wanting for more? What are we pining for? Okay? So,
is there anybody in the chat room that has any
questions so far so that we can start looking into
this process of relationships and their meaningfulness and when they
why is it that we are grieving them so hard?

(04:04):
Because if they're leaving us, then they don't want to
be there, and we're kind of wasting our time and
energy missing them because certainly if they were bold enough
to leave right then they don't deserve our energy and
our tears. So any question so far in the chat room?

Speaker 2 (04:25):
In fact, there is one, and it says, hi, doctor Judy,
what does it actually mean that the part I'm craving
is a part of myself? How do I recognize that part?

Speaker 1 (04:37):
Okay? So, if you have a desire for being loved,
let's say, Okay, that's pretty basic. We all have a
desire to be loved. So when we're in a relationship,
primarily with our parents, the negative core beliefs that I'm
talking about, which is panel three, creates lack of self love.

(04:58):
How does that happen? Well, let me describe. So Panel
one are the wounds of childhood. Either we're neglected, or
we're physically abused or sexually abused, or we're name called,
or we have narcissistic parents who put their needs before us,
or we're controlled and smothered. And so this lack of connection,

(05:22):
this disconnect, the human disconnect that I'm referring to, causes
reactions in us. And now we're moving over to panel
number two, which is the fight flight freezing pop on
panel or amygdala. You see, we're kind of cracking up
metaphorically like cracked glass. And then panel three in flicks

(05:46):
upon us these horrible psychoviruses I like to call them,
viruses that stay in our head and churn around in
our head. Viruses that sound like I'm not good enough,
I'm not lovable, I shouldn't have been born as one
of the worst ones that I've ever heard in my
therapeutic room. Okay, so what does that do. It creates

(06:11):
a lack of self love. And so when somebody pairs
up with someone relationally, then oftentimes the bar is really
really low. And if they give them a little something,
a little love, a little attention, a little bit of
positive regard, then they're getting those molecules of love that

(06:36):
are filling them on a very low level, leaving them
craving for more. But what's really missing here is the
lack of self love. Because if you're staying in a
relationship that's giving you molecules of love and love bombing you,
as we like to say in the profession of narcissistic abuse,

(06:59):
then you you've already been trained to accept so little
and your bar is so low, and so when that
relationship leaves, you're grieving that person. But what you're really
craving is not necessarily the person, because they were just
giving you a low level of what you really want,

(07:19):
which is love. Okay, so they may have given you
a little here and there, but definitely not the full menu.
So to answer your question, like, what is really going
on here is lack of self love because if you
would have picked up on the cues and clues that
this person wasn't really all in or just a very

(07:43):
minimal version of true needs, then number one, you would
have recognized that had you been well fed from the
beginning from your family of origin, because then it would
have been glaringly obvious to you that whatever you were
getting from them. That person is not really all that great.
It's just like barely the minimum if that, and maybe

(08:06):
even below the bar and abusive. But if you're getting something,
and from your parents you got very little, it's kind
of familial and familiar. You're and if those of you
who don't know, for those of you who don't know
the mind map system, I've got tons and tons of

(08:27):
YouTube videos out there that you can listen to. Also,
you can purchase the Be the Cause Healing Human Disconnect
on Amazon dot Com. They'll ship it to you. I
don't know. I forget fifteen ninety five sixteen seventeen bucks
something like that, and if you want, I can make

(08:50):
sure that you get a free PDF version, although I
always think it's nice to have the physical book. Learn
the system, okay, Learn the system so that you don't
don't feel left uneducated, psychologically uneducated, and you don't fall

(09:11):
vulnerable to people who give you so little and really
make you crave so much, and then you're grieving the
little that you lost because at least it was something
and not nothing. Okay, So this is what I mean

(09:31):
by you're grieving the person, but you're really craving the
parts of you that that person didn't even fulfill. Okay,
so whose job is it to fulfill it? We'll talk
about that after I answer the follow up questions.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yes, please, this is actually the same person, And it's
kind of following up what you've been talking about. It says,
if I'm craving consistent and see in safety, how do
I rebuild those internally instead of chasing them in a
new relationship.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
That's a great question. Okay, So we don't want to
put our hands in any relationship, and if we do
put our hands in a relationship, it better be a
relationship with somebody with ethics and stability and mental health
and so on. I mean, yes, we are somewhat dependent

(10:28):
on other people. Of course we are. I'm not going
to deny that. But the less mentally fulfilled you are,
the bigger the hole in the soul which is punched
in there by those childhood wounds, the more you will compromise,
because anything is better than nothing in this kind of

(10:51):
semi void psyche. Okay, So what was the question that
how do you avoid hooking up with people that are
not going to fulfill on you?

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Or what was the question it says, if I'm craving
consistency and safety, how do I rebuild those internally instead
of chasing them in a new relationship.

Speaker 1 (11:13):
Okay, so number one, you build stability by keeping your
word to yourself. That's really really important. If you want
to get ahead with yourself, then you have to be constant, consistent, stable.
You have to be realistic. You need to feed yourself,

(11:36):
and by feed yourself I mean mind, body, soul. You
want to feed your mind with good information and healthy philosophies.
You want to feed your body with good, holistic, wholesome
hopefully organic foods that are non toxic, and then soulfully.

(11:59):
You want to connect with I call it higher power
or source or something above yourself, something that you feel
to be a source for you to I call it
download from. Okay, So if you believe in God or
source energy, then you want to be downloading from that source.

(12:22):
You don't want to be downloading from a bottle of
vodka because that's energy too. Okay, that's a spirit too,
but it's not necessarily a healthy spirit. So you want
to connect yourself mind, body, soul. That's why they talk
so much about mind body soul, mind body soul. Well,
why is that Because we're not just a body, we're

(12:43):
not just a mind, we're not just a soul, because
we're here in human forms. So we have to feed
our mind and body in order to exist here on
the planet. And as a soul, we need to be
connected to the right sources in order for us to grow.
And one of the things that I really love about

(13:04):
the mind map is that I use truth as source. Okay,
so there's synonymous source energy, truth energy, anything that interconnects us,
anything that makes us higher and better, a better person,
a wiser person, a healthier person. That's what I'm talking about. Okay,

(13:32):
So sort of like, let me go to panel number
five for a minute. Panel five I'm using as a
metaphor now for our individual isms. So if we're a
tiny little individualism, let's pick the pink orb to represent that.
And let's say we're not very developed and we don't

(13:55):
have a lot of sense of self, and then we
hook up with the orange orb, which is a lot bigger,
or the green one or the purple one. Then what
we're going to be doing is we're going to be
sucked in by them. And if they're narcissists, they're going
to suck out the little that we have. And if
they're not narcissists, then they're going to eventually get bored

(14:18):
with us because we're not giving too much to them,
because we don't have a lot to give. And there's
not going to be a lot of light shared between
the tiny, little circle and a bigger circle. So one
is a big vessel and one is a small vessel.
And you have a big vessel and a small vessel,
there's not a lot of light. There's all either an

(14:40):
absorption of the little one into the big one, or
the little one gets so dependent on the big one
that a lot of damages created because the big one
will feel used maybe and the little one might feel
we weakened by the fact that the big one is

(15:02):
giving so much and that they're not giving too much
at all. And so when it comes to interconnection, which
is panel number seven, which we could see on the
mind map, see that's what I mean by interconnected. The
interconnection comes when two healthy individual isms come together and

(15:27):
they're both fortified mind, body, soul, and they have something
to share. They're not just sucking each other dry, or
they're not just codependence, or they're not just using or
abusing each other. There's a real light in there because
they're creating something bigger than themselves. And how do we

(15:52):
create something bigger than ourselves as we have to download
from something bigger than ourselves. And if you're downloading from
an impoverished person, I'm not going to get a lot
of light. Okay, I hope that makes more sense any
other questions.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
Yeah, we have another question again. For the people that
are tuning in for the first time, thank you for
being here. For people that are here every week, we
appreciate you. But we would love to have you call
in and speak with doctor Judy three two three five
two four two five nine nine. We love your questions,
but she would love to talk to you and dive

(16:35):
deeper into your questions. So here we go. So if
I'm if, I sounds like this person's dating a lot
because it says I keep dating the same type of people,
and what questions should I ask myself before going on
this date? So I don't know, is that kind of

(16:56):
in the topic that we're talking about?

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yes? Absolutely, Okay, So the first question you should ask
is of yourself, what I want to date me? You know,
how am I doing am I adding? Am I in
addition to somebody? Or are they going to have to
prop me up? Okay, so you know, we want to

(17:18):
invest in ourselves. We want to invest in our health
and go to take exercise classes or whatever you want
to do. You want to invest in your creativity, you
want to invest in, as I said, your spirituality, you're
nutritional health. So you want to ask yourself, am I

(17:39):
doing those things? Well? You know what kind of ism
am I? Am I? An emptyism? Am I? An injured ism?
Am I an ism that is so sad and depressed
and lacking that I just need a big, healthyism and
hope that they'll like me because I'm And that's not

(18:02):
going to last very long because there's not a lot
of light in that, and you know, and take me
under their wings. That that's not a good question. Now,
if you're asking about the other person, you want to
ask the same question. What does this person have to offer?
Are they healthy physically more or less we're not perfect?

(18:24):
Are they healthy mentally? Did they work out their issues?
Did they go to therapy? Did they explore their childhood wounds?
Or are the are they projecting their pain all over me?
Are they using me for my money or my beauty
or my intelligence, all kinds of things that you want

(18:49):
to ask of the person to make sure that you
and that person are creating synergy, which is my favorite word.
And what is synergy? Panels one plus one is greater
than two. Okay, So I wouldn't hook up that quickly.

(19:09):
I'd want to really get to know that person intricately,
get to know their habits, get to know their philosophies,
get to know their friends, their family, how they treat
the waiter, waitress, how they treat other people, how they
treat money, how they treat their body. Okay, because how

(19:32):
they treat themselves is going to be how they treat you. Right,
If they're angry at themselves, if they're they if they
don't value the people that help them, then they're not
going to really value themselves and you very much. So

(19:52):
these are important questions to ask when you are out
there dating. And I really don't suggest that you go
out there and date until you've got your act together, seriously,
because then you're just fishing with kind of like a
broken fishing pole, so to speak. That makes sense, doctor G.

Speaker 2 (20:15):
I think this actually because I know you are really
big into this. It sounds like somebody is getting more
involved in like meditation and yoga. So this says doctor Judy,
I'm new to this, to the stuff like yoga and meditation.
How can that kind of thing actually help me stop
wanting to text my axe and check their social media

(20:39):
all the time.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
Look, I'm not a big meditator. I'll say it straight.
I don't have a lot of patience, but I do
my own Like I'll steer out the window and just
look at the trees, or I'll connect with my dogs,
or I'll just sit in a peaceful environment. Or I

(21:02):
got this thing called a panda drum. I have to
try it out. My granddaughter really loved it. Every time
you strike it with one of those little drum sticks,
it emits a beautiful sound. So it doesn't have to
be anything formal. I happen to like yoga because I

(21:24):
find that I hold a lot of tension in my
body and I just like to leave it on the
yoga mat. I take Hot eight yoga because the heat
just allows my body to melt a little bit more
and allows me to create, you know, create more flexibility.
I also take taekwondo for those of you who don't know,

(21:47):
because I have an amazing master who is very disciplined,
and I can use that discipline and I enjoy it.
It's good for me, okay. It's good for me to
memorize new skills, it's good for me to grow, it's
good for me. So you know, not only for me,

(22:07):
but for anybody that is in my life, whether it
be a patient, or my children or grandchildren, or a
friend or a relationship person, doesn't matter. We want to
build ourselves up. So we don't want to come from
a poverty mentality. We want to come from a full

(22:30):
filled mentality because then if you are not fulfilled, which
is really what this show is about, is that you know,
we're grieving this person who didn't fulfill us because really
what they did was they didn't even fill us, okay,
And what we want is fulfillment. And what they gave
us was temporary fillment. They filled you up sexually, or

(22:54):
they filled you up with food, or they filled you
up with fun, or they filled you up with love
bombing and you know, a little bits and pieces. But
fulfillment is a different energy. It's a different light. It
is light. Filment is filling the hole in the soul. Okay,

(23:17):
So when you grieve a relationship, you're really craving fulfillment.
That's really what the show is about, is how to
fulfill upon yourself and how do you fulfill You've got
to really figure out your basic needs. Okay. So one
of my basic needs that I've been avoiding for a

(23:39):
long time is my basic need for creativity. And so
I have been avoiding going back into my artwork. And
I had to do a forced job on myself and
sign up for an art class. And I did that
and then it sort of forced me or created a
space for me to do art and that was good.

(24:01):
And then I started doing it a little bit at
home even when I wasn't in the art class. And
now I'm doing crazy artwork. You know. It's not like
all the time, but a lot more than before, and
some crazy unconscious stuff is coming out of me. So yeah,

(24:22):
I should show I should show the audience some of it.
Let me see if I can.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
I would love it. Doctor Judy Van.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
Go yeah, Doctor Judy go go go. Okay, I want
to share it with you because this is my unconscious speaking.
So I want I want you guys to tell me
what you think. Okay, So here it is. Here's here's
the first piece.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Oh wow, you good.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
That's doctor Judy either being creative or going psychotic.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
You just sort of your right just a little bit.
There we go.

Speaker 1 (25:03):
That's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
That's really good.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
Thank you. So that's water color and scribbles, and I
scribbled so much that eventually I found images and then
I elaborated on the images and that's what I created. Okay,
So that's that's one, and then I did another one.
As of late, they're getting crazier. Maybe I'm getting crazier,

(25:28):
but but but I'm showing you this for inspiration. Like
that was me just saying I don't want to draw.
I don't want to and then just like dirtying up
the page and thinking, ooh, look at that, there's a
cool face in there, or look at that. You know,
I really like the way this color goes with that color.

(25:49):
I'm trying to find my other painting, not being.

Speaker 2 (25:53):
My mood in the chatroom, says brilliant art.

Speaker 1 (25:57):
Oh that's really kind. Thank you, very very very much.
I appreciate that. Oh here's my next crazy one, Doctor
Judy going more psychotic.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
They're back the other way there what is that a
Is that a duck or a champanzee or a gorilla?

Speaker 1 (26:19):
I don't know. It's sort of like like whatever you
want it to be.

Speaker 2 (26:23):
It's nah, because I can see several different things in
that wow.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
And that's the point is that you get lost in it.
So you know, I see a snake, I see a pig,
I see a lady's face, I see a bat, I
see all kinds of things. Okay, and that's the point,
get lost in it. So why am I bringing this up?
Because I was craving creativity. So I could have said, oh,

(26:49):
I'm going to find an artistic kind of person and
latch onto that person, and then if they leave me,
then I'm sad. Oh you know, there goes my artistic person.
But I want to be the artistic person. I want
to build a sense of self that's solid, that's dependable,
that a peaceful place within myself or a creative place

(27:13):
within myself that I can go so that I don't
have to depend on other people. And if they choose
to exit stage left the relationship, well, okay, very sad.
But if they don't want to be with me or
be around me or whatever, they choose then my artistry

(27:36):
is not out the window, or my creativity is not
out the window, or my sense of love is not
out the window. Okay, we don't want people to have
that much power over us.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
No way, no way, Kent. This is actually a question.
It kind of I'm curious because you know we're talking
about you know, meditation are something that you can do
for yourself. This person was asking doctor Gudy, I'm trying
to make new friends while dealing with this breakup. What
are the best ways to do it and actually help

(28:09):
me feel supported? How do you not put the responsibility
from a intimate relationship to a friendship relationship and make
it healthy also.

Speaker 1 (28:21):
Right, So, when you're coming out of a relationship, it's
easy to want to lean on your friends too heavily, right, crying,
and you're lonely, and you know, you feel uncontained and
all of that. So I wouldn't lean too hard on
any one person because they're going to get sick of
it after a while and they're going to feel overburdened.

(28:43):
So I would just spread it out a little bit
and get some support from different people if you can,
and not overwhelm them too much and respect their boundaries
if they have them. And in terms of making friends,
you know, friends are really really I'm experiencing this. It's

(29:06):
really difficult to make friends because I don't know why.
I don't know why. Maybe that's why I'm doing this work,
is because I want friends that believe in synergy. I
want friends that are interconnected. I want friends that are empathic.
I want friends that are solid and supportive and healthy.

(29:28):
And you know how many people are like that. Not
that many. So I would get yourself in the best
shape possible, and then people will want to be around you.
So a new friend that I made, and this is
rare for me, is I think I made a new friend.
We'll see over time, right, I don't want to judge

(29:51):
too soon, But I met a very nice person in
my yoga class. As a matter of fact, he was
the yoga instructor and I really enjoyed his sweet and
comforting and intelligent. And so I started talking to this
person and we've had a couple of good conversations, and

(30:13):
that's a good start. Whether it's going to be a
friend for life, who knows, but it doesn't matter. It
was good energy, it was a good connection. Okay, So
I would go for people that are on a healthier scale.
I myself keep away from people who are into substances.

(30:34):
I just feel disconnected from them because they're really vibrating
on a different level. So if somebody is drinking too
much or smoking or honestly that's me, I don't want
to be around them. It's just not for me. But
you know, you decide, right, You decide who's for you.

(30:56):
You decide how you want to be. And speaking of smoke,
I'm going to show you something else that I created
because I have a craving for creativity and you will
soon be happy recipients of this one. Hold on. Not
quite finished with the project, but I think it'll be
an amazing outcome. Here I'm showing you this. Ah. Here,

(31:22):
this is a project that I'm very passionate about.

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Let's see kick it. Oh, is that that's new?

Speaker 1 (31:31):
Yeah, that's new. That's my upcoming book. I'm promoting it now. Okay,
kick it, stop smoking, pull turkey or gradual withdrawal, and
be the cause of better outcomes for your life. That's
the point. So this is a deep dive into why
you smoke and the hole in the soul and what
the cigarettes do to patch it all up. So my craving,

(31:55):
which is funny because we all talk about cravings for cigarettes,
I crave is projects. My craving is creating ways of
helping people. My craving is creativity. My craving is connection
to my grandchildren. Right now, I have fabulous grandchildren, and
you know, I'm just like really enjoying it. My craving

(32:18):
is peace, sitting with the dogs. My craving is getting
on a yoga mad and stretching, or going to my
taekwon do class and being yelled at by my eighty
one year old Korean grandmaster. I mean, he is fabulous.
So these are you know, get in touch with your cravings.

(32:41):
Get in touch with the part of you that you're craving.
And if you lost somebody recently and you're grieving that person,
remember what are you really grieving. You're grieving the experiences
you had together. Maybe the experiences were humorous, or maybe
the experiences were sexual, or maybe the experiences were enjoying

(33:07):
something together or anything. So those are the reminders of
what you crave. Okay, it's not that it's not that
that person has the exclusive on those experiences and feelings
and cravings. It's that they evoked in you feelings that

(33:29):
were positive I'm sure also negative or else you you know,
still be together. But if you're grieving a relationship and
they've left, it's sort of like you think that they've
left your whole sexuality, have taken it, or they've taken
your your humor, or they've taken your desire for connection.

(33:55):
Now you have that that's yours, okay, And if that
person doesn't want to play, there are other people on
the planet that want to play. And that's when you
start exploring new friendships and new relationships. And you just
have to make sure you're bringing something to the party
and that they're bringing something to the party. And it's

(34:17):
not so in balanced that one is going to be
codependent on the other, or not so narcissistic that one
is going to suck the living daylights out of the other,
or not so weak that there's nothing really to share
in that relationship. Okay, So balance, okay, and you want

(34:40):
to be part of that balance by neutrifying yourself, mind, body, soul.
I hope that answers some of that question.

Speaker 2 (34:53):
We'll find out hopefully if you have more questions, you
can call in three two three, five, two four, two
five nine nine. This question is coming from It sounds
like a new listener said they just found the channel.
I find this also hard to do. Uh, doctor Judy,
I find journaling really hard in my healing process. Are

(35:17):
there any simple, super simple ways that could help me
reconnect with the part of myself I'm missing?

Speaker 1 (35:25):
Okay? Well, you and I have something in common. I'm
not a great journal or you know how some people
just say, get a journal and journal I don't.

Speaker 2 (35:33):
I don't really, so don't force it.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Don't force it. You don't have to journal. Maybe your
journal could just be like one sheet of paper and
you dropped stuff down, or draw a little image on it,
you know, something super simple. But what's the question of
reconnecting back?

Speaker 2 (35:51):
Well, it says, to start, help me reconnect with the
part of myself I'm missing.

Speaker 1 (35:58):
Okay, so maybe you could put in the chat rumor
could you call in? I'd love to talk to you.
What parts are you missing's?

Speaker 2 (36:05):
Yeah, that's probably a good question to ask.

Speaker 1 (36:09):
Yeah, I'm asking you to call in. You could talk
about what parts are missing. I mean, we all feel
that there's something missing, or else we wouldn't wake up
in the morning, you know, missing some food, We're missing
some money, We're missing a hug, we're missing you know,
we're missing. So missing is motivational, right, But we don't

(36:33):
want to be so far into the whole of our
soul that we're going to be tempted to fill it
instead of fulfill it. Okay, So the first thing I
would say is look full for fullfillment rather than filmint Okay.
Can I get fulfilled on a slice of pizza? Probably not,

(36:58):
but I could get filming. I'll get full on a
slice of pizza. Can I get fulfilled on a nice
piece of fish with steam vegetables, Yeah, I'll probably get
more fulfilled by that because it's got the protein and
the vitamins and the minerals and the you know, the

(37:19):
organic good stuff. And I like to eat well caught fish,
so I'm very careful about all that. And if you
can afford it, do it. If you can't afford it,
then maybe lean more into organic anything if you can.
But fulfillment is more important than filment. I don't drink

(37:43):
at all. It's like zero alcohol me too. Yeah, I'm
just not interested. I don't really like to get buzzed
at all. So I'd rather just stare up the window
at my trees. That's much more fulfilling to me. You know,

(38:03):
it's more peaceful.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
For me.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
Just relaxing with my dogs. I'm a I'm a big
dog person. I love my shepherd and my golden and
I get a lot of peace from them. That's fulfilling.
Playing with my granddaughter now we draw together, so when
I come over, she's so excited. I'm like thrilled, Grandma
Judy drying painting water because she likes to dip it

(38:33):
in water. So I taught her how to take the
brush and just like tap it in the color. And
now she goes tap tap tap tap tip and painting.
We're painting the sky, We're painting the tree. So I
get a lot of fulfillment out of that because I'm
totally into her. She's totally into me and the creativity.

(38:56):
So I want you to look for that fulfilling to you.
Who's fulfilling to you? What kind of food is fulfilling
to you? What kind of philosophies. I like to listen
to great people like Jordan Peterson and Douglas Murray and
just smart people online it's very fulfilling to me to

(39:20):
learn from brilliant minds. So that's fulfilling, fulfilling. Do I
like to watch Netflix once in a while, Sure, but
it's not necessary fulfilling. It might be filling, it might
be entertainment, but I soon find myself getting a headache.
And you know, I don't know. It's not the same.

(39:43):
So everything has different energy packets. So as I was saying,
eating spinach is going to have a different energy than
eating a donut. Okay, one is filling, the other is
full fill. And I just like gas tank works on fulfilling.

(40:05):
That's where I progress. You know, you have a car,
right you go to the gas pump and it says
what kind of gas do you want? Like, you know,
what is it? Ninety whatever? Octanes and like low medium
high H tank. I want the high octane. So that's

(40:25):
how I would build myself up. Put the high octane
into your tank.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
This is actually a really good question because I think
i've when I was younger, and and sometimes even now,
I I feel like I'm pretty solid in my own
life and you know, more fulfilled and have a good
relationship and all this stuff. But I remember asking this
question is like who, what does being whole again even

(40:59):
fill like that I'd feel is a really good question.
I'm sure many people ask that how do they even
know when feeling whole again, or even maybe they never did?
How does one get to that even ninety percent?

Speaker 1 (41:18):
I mean, that would be great. If I could feel
whole ninety percent of the time, it would be incredible.
And I think one of the things to wholeness is,
as I said, taking in and then being a semi
permeable membrane panel five, knowing when to put the boundaries
up and knowing when to let people in. So in

(41:41):
a human cell, we've got what we call semi permeable membranes,
and the human cell will absorb the nutritional stuff and
then keep out the poison. So if you want to
feel whole, you want to ingest good stuff and then
put boundaries up against toxicity, toxic people, toxic food, toxic ideas. Okay,

(42:05):
and I want to get more into that. I'm kind
of working my way back up to talking about Join
the Human Race healing Global Disconnect, which has been a
project that I've had forever. Okay, I have a website
called Healing globaldisconnect dot com and you should go on there.

(42:28):
As a matter of fact, I have a book that
I goes back a long way. You guys, all right,
this is the beginning of the mind map. How do
you like that? Okay, there's the inception of the mind map,
and it was called I don't know if you can
read backwards, join the Human Race.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
Somewhere it's upside down, but there you go. There you go.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
I joined the human race, and I'll read you the
first x X. If we really want to be whole,
we have to build empathy. We have to feel for
other people as well as ourselves. So here was the
premise of joining the human race. So now we're going
from filment to fulfillment. And now I'm talking about my

(43:17):
global intention, which is called a call for unity. As
a human race, we have become fragmented into nations, religions,
social classes, politics, and races. This fragmentation has resulted in
clash and fallout in the form of human atrocities. Although

(43:39):
we have been able to sort to unlimited heights in
many areas of human endeavor, we have not accomplished the
final and most important frontier to come together as a
united humanity. Through mass consciousness centered on unity and unconditional love,
we can shift our paradise. I'm thinking from self centered

(44:02):
to global and cause a reintegration of our humanity. And
that is what I feel is my current mission on
the planet. It's a big deal. I created in my
mind a concept called join the Human Race, and I
change it in there to say join the humane race,

(44:25):
because we're all human, but we're not all humane, and
so in order to join, and I'm not talking about
selling memberships, I'm talking about in your consciousness, you want
to become a humane being. And a humane being doesn't
associate with people who are inhumane. They just don't, okay.

(44:49):
And this is a very touchy subject, and I don't
really know quite how to talk about it without being
political and divisional and so on and so forth, because
my intention is not to be divisional. However, you know,
do you want to play with the psychopath? I don't.
Do you want to create unity with humane beings who

(45:13):
are hurting other human beings? I don't. Do you want
to be with people who are unhealthy or have a
philosophy of destruction and a philosophy of you know what

(45:35):
I'm talking about we can't pair with people unless they
have an intention of a life force. Okay, So there
are certain human beings on the planet who have a
very strong death force. They want the death and the destruction.
They want to take over the entire planet and possess

(45:57):
the planet and annihilate Okay. That's not who I want
to associate with. Okay. So it's very important that we
build a foundation of humans who are humane, that create causally,
create a new way of being on the planet and

(46:18):
a new way of seeing. And I know that there
are a lot of people out there that are influencers
or so on, and I'm having a problem with one
of them right now, like a really big problem. Maybe
I'll talk about it another time, But you know, sometimes
people use platforms to make a message, and even though

(46:39):
they may have a meaningful message, it's not a good message.
It's not a healthy message. So we have to discern
the truth and we have to be around people who
are truth tellers. And I've identified Jordan Peterson. I know
I'm giving him some pr as a truth teller. I

(46:59):
think he's in a credible man, kind hearted, and also
Douglas Murray, who was a journalist He's a very intelligent
and unbiased person. So I would check out people like
that for truth telling. I know they're not the only ones,
but you know, be careful who you get your news from,
be careful who you get your philosophy's from. And and

(47:22):
that's how you get to shape your mind, is you
follow the right leader. You know, remember when you were
a little girl, follow the leader. Imagine if you follow
the leader that wanted river to the see death. Okay,
I happened to be Jewish, so you know, imagine how
I'm taking it. Oh, we just want all the Jews

(47:43):
on the planet dead, like okay, all right, I think
I've heard enough so that that's the kind of thing
that we can't we can't join the human race with Okay,
we need a humane race. We need people in our
circle who are going to interconnect with us, and people

(48:07):
who are going to have life force within them and
a desire for growth and a desire for life. So
that's as far as I'm going to go today in
my worldview. But I think for those of you who've
known me for a long time, I think you know
that I've been really strong about creating connection within disconnection,

(48:36):
and as I grow older, I know that I don't
have much more time to make an impact on the world,
and I certainly don't have the pr and the media
behind me that some people do. But I think if
I'd just like to keep it simple and say that
the best thing that we could do is build ourselves

(48:59):
with integrity and then join with people who are in integrity.
And then if you look at panel number eight, you
can see that out of the synergy comes teamwork. And
I only want to climb the ladder with people who
are not going to throw me off of the ladder.
I only want to be in an ocean full of

(49:19):
clean and pure water, not in dirty, polluted water. I
only want to climb a ladder that's slid in philosophy
and health and integrity and uh and yeah, in the right,
the right, the right DNA is what I want to
be climbing the ladder of. And then eventually that I

(49:44):
know will lead to a world of unity, because whether
we like it or not, we're interconnected. We shouldn't be
too happy if something blows up over there, because we're
going to be inhaling it as soon as the winds
blow over heat. So you know, it's not the best way,
but I do know that you know it's confusing, right

(50:07):
because people want to put up boundaries, but we just
need a better way. So if there are any brilliant
people out there who have better ways, I'd like to
hear from you. You can always connect with me and
I'm looking to deep in join the human race Healing
Global Disconnect. Any other questions in the.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
Chat room, I think the questions are not there, but
the people are enjoying it, so thank you, but thank
you everybody for tuning in, for listening.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
Appreciate that, and I will be around in a couple
of weeks. Thank you very much everyone for joining in,
and feel free to get a download of Be the
Cause Healing Human disc Connect. You can get a copy
from Amazon. I also have two videos Healing from Narcissistic

(51:07):
Abuse and also my original nine panel mind map Journey
the Healing. And there's a lot of material that I
have created on the YouTube channel Doctor Judy WTF so
tune in. Also, one other thing that has recently come

(51:27):
about for me, two things. Number one, I was in
a documentary called Metallica Saved My Life and the producer
has the movie out. I think at different Metallica concerts
and I was in it. Fortunately I got to be
one of the psychologists commenting on human disconnect and Metallica

(51:52):
and why they're so popular. And then lately I have
been invited to be a part of another documentary by
producer Paul Hannah, who hopefully I'll be doing projects with.
And this documentary is called Love Scripts, so google it.

(52:13):
I'm gonna also promote them. I'm in it. And it's
about choosing carefully who you're going to hook up with, okay,
whether it be a friend or a lover or anyone.
So that's the boundaries thing. Thank you very much everyone,
have a wonderful few weeks and I'll see you back here.
Good night. M