The Passive Aggressive Narcissist

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
H m hm h. Thank you so much, Thank you

(00:55):
so much for being here and for tuning in to
Doctor Judy. WTF what the freud? And today's episode is
about the passive aggressive narcissists. Now, I talk a lot
about narcissism. It's bad enough to be in the presence
of a narcissist or be involved in a narcissistic type

(01:19):
of relationship, but to make matters worse when they get
passive on you. That's just another whole new ballgame that
we're going to dive into. And rather than being passive aggressive,
I'm going to be blunt and to the point so
that you can hopefully learn something tonight. And this is
a call and show everybody, so please feel free to

(01:41):
call it. And that number is three two three five
two four two five nine nine. You all know by
now that I do prefer collins rather than questions in
the chat room. However, if you're just too shy or
don't like to be on air for whatever reason, I

(02:02):
remember I didn't at some point, and then thankfully I
overcame it so I could be here with you guys tonight.
I understand I'll take questions in the chat room too,
so what is a passive aggressive narcissist? Is there a question? There? Yeah,
no question? Okay, what is a passive aggressive narcissist? Well,

(02:25):
we all know the definition of passive, which is that
they are not very forthcoming, there's no overt aggression. And
then we all know what aggressive means, which is harming,
going against, deliberately going against to harm, and so putting

(02:47):
them together, when you use your passivity to harm another person,
we have now passive aggressive behavior when you couple it
with narciss which is extremely self serving and is a
pathological personality disorder defined by lack of empathy, defined by

(03:12):
desire to control and manipulate, is defined by an inner
course self that has a core injury of not wanting
to lose control or deeper even a fear of abandonment.
But that's well covered up by the defense mechanisms. So

(03:35):
me myself personally, I've met, obviously in life and in
my treatment room, passive aggressives, passive aggressive narcissists. I've met
people who are over at narcissists and covert narcissists, and
I think, personally my least favorite. And that's why I'm
doing the show so that people can really understand why

(03:58):
it's so sneaky and overt and dangerous and destructive. The
passive aggressive, which is a covert narcissistic maneuver. The passive aggressive,
covert narcissist who manipulates and controls and punishes through lack

(04:22):
of attention, lack of participation, punishing you through withdrawal of
their emotions and connection. So I want to preface this
by saying that profoundily, so we as a human race
have a really incredible desire to be connected and interconnected,

(04:46):
and we want to We want to be part of
the human race in the sense of playing a game
of life that involves all of the basic things that
we hopefully got is children, like eye contact and skin contact,
and the ability to play off of each other and

(05:07):
learn and broke from each other and manifest synergy, which
is my favorite word, which is the one plus one
is greater than two phenomenon. We want to play that
game in life, not only with ourselves but with people.
We want to play that game of life so that
we can be stimulated, we can enhance ourselves, we can

(05:29):
get feedback, we can somehow be a better form of
ourselves and also make a difference to other people. But
with passive aggressive narcissism, there's no real desire to connect
except for the self and self alone, which puts it
in the manipulation category. So when you're driven by narcissistic

(05:55):
tendencies to serve the self, and let's mind map a
little bit so that you can understand it a little
bit better through the picture is worth a thousand words.
And if you can put that mind map up there,
let's break it down. So we have allline panels there

(06:16):
and you can see the first three panels represent the
past and how we were encoded. So starting there we
see panel one, which is the wound. So how are
these people wounded that leads them to manifest passive aggressive
narcissistic behavior. Well, first of all, we know that we

(06:37):
all have light within us, so we have some sort
of contribution to the world. We come with light, we
hopefully have conditions in our life that will help us
manifest our light. Parenting that encourages us and gives us
boundaries and teaches us lessons and principles and ethics and

(07:02):
morals and all of that, and also sets the stage
for the mirroring process which I described earlier, the eye contact,
the skin contact, the ability to do a feedback loop
with your original family, primarily your mother and your father,
your mediate caretakers, because they're the ones that give you

(07:24):
the light. However, it doesn't work out that way. It
never works out that way. On some level, we are
all blocked by some kind of a dark shadow, whether
it be verbal abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, smothering

(07:45):
and control, some sort of a narcissistic unempathetic parents, something
is going to block our pathway to feeling good about
ourselves and feeling whole and complete. In the case of
the passive aggressive narcissist, let's think about this carefully. Why
would they go passive and not just throw a fit. Well,

(08:09):
I'm thinking that if passive aggressive is some sort of
a defense mechanism, which it is, they want to go
not overt, meaning they don't want to overtly express themselves
because that pathway in their growing up formative years has
been closed off. So rather than fighting back with mom

(08:31):
and dad or being able to express somehow their expression
was punished or thwarted or ignored or something along those lines.
Because now what's open to them is a pathway of
overt of covert aggression. So that doesn't mean that they're

(08:54):
any less angry. It's just that this anger is not
expressed physically. So instead of receiving a slap on the
face by a narcissist, you're now receiving and unplugging of
their emotional input into you, which is actually, on some

(09:18):
level even more damaging. Because let's refer to the prison
system and what the most incredibly painful punishment is, and
that is solitary confinement. So when we put another human
being on extinction, when we ignore them, then it's going
to really really hurt, and their reaction is going to

(09:41):
be different than just being stune by a slap in
the face that I don't mean this that I think
is a great idea to receive a slap on the face,
it's just that it's out there, it's overt. You can
maybe block it, you can defend against it, you can
slap them back if you want. But with cover narcissists,

(10:02):
they will do something that doesn't necessarily feel like a
punishment because it's confusing. They're not overtly hurting you, they're
covertly hurting you, and then you don't know what to
do with that, You start to question it and you
feel gas lit, like, really, did they not call me

(10:23):
back because they're busy? Did they not call me back
because I said something wrong? Did I do something wrong?
So it takes you on a bad trip within yourself
and you start to question yourself regarding your own behavior.
You start to question so in other words, instead of
questioning their behavior, it loops back upon you and makes

(10:47):
you the villain of yourself in essence. So now we
don't really have a clear identified aggression aggressive kind of behavior.
You have some sort of a passive behavior going on,
and that doesn't always register as aggression. On the contrary,

(11:10):
it might even register as well, he's meditating or she's
piecing out, or she's just being polite and quiet, or yeah,
I don't deserve to be called back because I didn't
do something that they requested. So I'm going to give
you a real live example of somebody that I actually

(11:31):
knew that I no longer associate with for obvious reasons,
and keep the names innocent. But it's a really great
example of a husband and wife that I watched get together.
They were at first girlfriend and boyfriend. There was an
extreme age difference between them of over actually actually a

(11:54):
twenty five year age difference between them. The male was
older than the female, and the woman had just gotten
out of a brutal marriage. I think her parents forced
her into marrying a guy that actually raped her. And
so you could understand that her boundaries were completely violated,

(12:15):
they were completely destroyed, and she was looking for a
better father figure who could take her under his wings
and protect her and give her some level of security.
And of course she was beautiful and wanted children and
all that. Now unbeknownst to her, the deal came with

(12:39):
a very hard bargain, and that bargain included things like
her being available to him in ways that maybe she
wasn't exactly counting on. But I would watch her do
things like lift objects, for example, things that a man

(12:59):
should be carrying into the house, if there were heavy
objects to be carried into the house. I noticed that
he sat back and had his tea, and she would
jump outside and get all the things from outside and
bring them in. Whether they were luggage or whatever groceries
didn't really matter. But I noticed that pretty soon she

(13:22):
became a little slave, and it seemed natural to her
because this is how it went with her family of origin.
And I remember her family of origin because I met them.
And in her family of origin, she was not exactly
the favor child she was. She was not very special

(13:46):
in her family, and all of these things led to
her being vulnerable to this type of passive aggressive narcissism.
And what I recall is that oftentimes she would call
me up and say, you know, my husband's not answering
my phone calls. I don't know why he's angry at me,

(14:06):
I asked him, but he wouldn't say why. You know,
I'm running out of money. He cut off the credit cards.
He's not saying anything to me. It's now day three?
Can I borrow some money from you? Can I stay
with you? I feel scared. I feel scared for our son.
And this went on and on and would wear it

(14:28):
ugly head time to time in the relationship. But somehow
she had to apologize to him for whatever reason he
deemed was her participation in the fault of the marriage,
and then she would be in his good graces. And
what does that do? Specifically, it locked her into the

(14:52):
behavior of being his slave and being receptive to his
passive aggressive behavior. So now the dynamics looked like he
was the protector and she needed protection, and he wanted
power and control, and she was very beautiful, so he
didn't want to lose her. So he made himself rare

(15:15):
and difficult to reach, and so she had to jump
through hoops to reach him, which in her mind made
him more valuable because when she finally did get the
prize his attention, it felt amazing and relieving and nurturing.

(15:36):
And that's sort of like what I call the cycle
of violence. So let's go back to the mind map
and mind map this a little bit so you could
see his wound was that he came from a family
that completely minimalized him. His brother was always number one.
She also came from a family that minimalized her and

(16:00):
put her in jeopardy actually, And so he was looking
for power and control in his relationship and she was
looking for safety and protection in her relationship. And the
reaction of her was that she got scared every time
she felt abandoned, and his reaction was that every time

(16:22):
he lost some kind of power and control over her,
he got scared of losing the power and control. So
you could see how the relationships fit like hand and love. Now,
if you look at panel number three, you could see
that there's an encoding there, and the encoding of each
one of them is a little bit different, because his

(16:45):
encoding on the surface was a very narcissistic encoding that
he felt that he was top of the line, extremely smart,
very special, only deserved to be around special people, only
deserved very beautiful women, which she was only deserved the best,

(17:06):
and her core belief had a little smidgeon of that also,
but on a deeper level, her whole psychological makeup wound
around not being abandoned and being protected and have a
safety net around her. So of course he made the
money and she looked after the kid, and that was

(17:28):
the deal. It's just that it wasn't synergistic because you
could see over the years and I knew them for
several years before the friendship ended, but over the years
you could see that she was growing older, and not
that she wasn't really growing older, we all grow older,

(17:49):
but there was something that lacked luster about her. She
used to be kind of, you know, pep in her
step kind of person and creative and happy, go lucky,
and you could just see that there was something moreau's
going on, and to keep herself pumped up, she would

(18:10):
drink tons and tons of coffee to keep the stimulation going.
So I would call her kind of a coffee addict.
And he would be a workaholic and disappear into his
work for hours at a time, and so the relationship
became quickly imbalanced. I don't know what the happier sad

(18:31):
ending was between this couple, but I can tell you
that she felt depleted and scared and out of control.
And the passive part also had to do with his
control of the money. So everything was in his account,
all the credit cards were in his name, he paid
all the bills. She didn't know what the family finances were.

(18:56):
Everything really was under his control. So you can see
that behind this passive aggressive narcissist was a real fear
of loss and control. So in order to get the
hands on his reins of control, he had to do
these passive aggressive, controlling behaviors. So are you with me

(19:20):
so far? Any questions in the chat room?

Speaker 2 (19:24):
No questions yet, No questions yet.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
Okay, So we'll go on to see how people who
are passive aggressive destabilize their partners. So if we go
to panel number four. You could see that panel number
four represents chaos. The bonds are falling apart, there's no

(19:47):
north southeast west. People are flailing around in a toxic environment.
And so her grasping its straws of security, which he
provided finance. Actually, and they had a nice home and
a car, and you know, all the basic things. But emotionally,

(20:08):
she felt that she could be dropped or ignored or
narsed out as they say so, meaning completely shut out,
which she was several several times. So part of the
strategy of a narcissistic passive aggressive is they like to
keep their partner destabilized. It's always the case that the

(20:34):
person living with them is living walking on eggshells, questioning
their mind, questioning what they did wrong, questioning why they
deserved it, or maybe they did deserve it. And from
their point of view, because their background was so pathological
and wounded, they feel on some level they make up

(20:57):
a good story to prove that they did deserve it.
So you see how it's a hand and glove thing.
The two pieces fit together. It's not just one functioning
in a vacuum. It's another participant that feeds the ego
of the passive aggressive narcissists, who feeds the lie of

(21:20):
the passive aggressive narcissist, the lie being that they're right
and the other is wrong, and there's the imbalance. There's
never any accountability and certainly no discussion about it. So
let's say she would attempt to have a conversation with
this person and say, you know, why did you lock

(21:41):
me out of the house? What kind of a thing
is that to do to me, your wife and the
mother of the children. There would be no discussion about
it other than well, think about what you did, or
think about what you said, or think about what you
promised and didn't do, or think about how you didn't
do something that I requested you to do. So it

(22:03):
would always be back on the other person. So even
though the passive aggressive narcissist seems to have a lot
of ego, a lot of ego strength, they actually don't.
They derived their ego and ego strength out of power
and control, which I assure you is not the kind

(22:26):
of strength you want to fuel yourself on. It's sort
of like fueling yourself on poison. And yeah, the poison
might stimulate you or make you feel strong for a minute,
but then it'll not only poison you, but it'll poison
your environment, and it's not sustainable. So you can see

(22:48):
that the power and control causes this massive chaos, this massive,
not only physical chaos. But I remember this person getting headaches,
and I remember her breaking down and losing weight and
getting thinner and not eating properly and not sleeping properly.

(23:10):
So this is not only a mental breakdown, it is
also a physical, somatic breakdown. And I remember times when
she would call me and say that she was suicidal,
and I would have to give her the number or
direct her to the number of the suicide hotline center,

(23:31):
or encourage her to go into therapy, not with me,
because we were too close. And even though I offered
her the best advice that I could and the best
support that I could, she was very glued, very stuck
on her husband, who was her only support system. So

(23:51):
for her, she was his universe. She was everything that
she needed to float through life, even though her life
was slowly decaying. So if we look at panel number
five and talk about defense mechanisms, her defense mechanism against
this tragic lifestyle that she was leading was getting slimmer

(24:18):
and slimmer, so that she can look sexier and sexier
and control him through her sexuality. That was clearly a
defense mechanism that she was engaged in. Also, I remember
her drinking tons and tons of coffee, so stimulation caffeine.
That was another defense mechanism and idealizing of her husband.

(24:42):
She would think that he was the best thing ever,
so she would put him on a throne and elevate
him many miles millions of miles into the sky like
she was revolving around the sun. And even though he
was doing all these nasty things to her, she really

(25:04):
thought he was a remarkable, amazing human beings, so she
wouldn't let the reality of who he was seep into
her psyche, which kept her justified in staying there. And
of course she had a kid and no money and
no power, so she was in a hosted situation to

(25:26):
say the least. But you could tell that her defense mechanism,
the defense mechanisms were in line in keeping her stuck
in the system that she didn't feel that she had
the strength to exit out of. And of course he

(25:47):
was delighted that he had her stuck in her defense
mechanism because it was more power and control to him.
So if you look at the orbs, he was getting
bigger and bigger and bigger and puffing up like a
true narcissist, and she was getting smaller and smaller and

(26:07):
less significant and sort of disappearing into the background. And
whenever he needed her, whether it be for sex or
cleaning the house or taking some item into the house
or cooking or anything like that, he would take her
off the shelf. But otherwise she would stay on that

(26:29):
shelf and he remained in power and control. So you
could see how destructive this passive aggressive narcissistic behavior can
be to a relationship. And ultimately it is meant to
break down, but sometimes it sustains for way too long.

(26:51):
And thank you. There's a question in the chat.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
Room, and yeah, yes, So this question is how do
you know someone a passive aggressive narcissist and not just
moody asking because my mom gives me the silent treatment
for days.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
Well, I think if your mom is giving you the
silent treatment for days, then it's not a good sign
because that's not the way you're supposed to communicate with people. Okay, So,
whether she's a true narcissist according to the diagnostics, if
you give somebody the silent treatment, let's go through it.

(27:30):
You lack empathy, correct, because you know they're suffering, right,
So on some level you lack empathy. You're trying to
power and control over that person because you're not really
allowing them to have a conversation with you and repair.
So there's no repair. All the repair is according to

(27:53):
whether you're going to allow for it or not, and
usually not. And so I think that any kind of
behavior like that tends towards the narcissistic spectrum. It just
has to. It's too selfish, it's too unempathic. And so
let's go over the hallmarks of narcissism. A lack of

(28:14):
ability to feel power and control, the inability to truly
connect on a vulnerable level, which would be a conversation
that your mother would theoretically have with you if she
had a problem with something. Lack of skills, just general

(28:36):
lack of skills of communicating your hurt and your feelings.
So it seems like all roads point to her lack
of empathy. And if you want to call in or
just put a note in the chat room, did she
also have a backdrop of lack of empathy in your

(28:57):
in your childhood, did you experience her is warm and
nurturing or is it trending towards the narcissistic spectrum of
control power, lack of empathy, using you to fill her
hole in the soul, gaslighting you, etc. So does that

(29:20):
seem congruent to who she's been being all along?

Speaker 2 (29:30):
His patient said, yes, I think about this a lot lately.
She seemed warm to other people, but with me it
felt like warm with strings attached. She'd be affectionate when
I did well in school or looked a certain way,
but if I messed up or had feelings she didn't like,
she'd either go cold or act like I was too sensitive.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
Right, so, you could see that the world revolved around
what she wanted, and you were a reflection of who
she needed you to be, not who you were being,
but more along the lines that if she didn't like
the way you were, your graides weren't good, or the
way you dressed or behaved were publicly well received, she

(30:10):
would give you the evil eye or worse, ignore you.
And so this is very controlling, as you could see,
and manipulative, and it's hard to approach because by nature
of their passive aggressiveness. The passive part doesn't allow for
you to really connect and converse and find out what's

(30:35):
behind there. They're hurt, So really they're hurt and they're upset,
but they're not hurt and upset because of something necessarily
that you did. It's just that they're hurting upset because
you're not pleasing them. So do you see where the
emphasis is. They're in the consciousness of you please me,

(30:57):
and if you don't, you're in trouble. And the kind
of trouble you're in is I refuse to connect with you.
I refuse to acknowledge your your being. You don't matter
to me, You're insignificant. Okay, So these are the messages
really that encode into the fiber of their being. So

(31:20):
if you look at panel number three, the encoding panel,
the encoding is I don't matter. I'm only here to
please No matter what I do is not good enough
for you. In terms of the passivity, I don't know
how to approach you without being demean devalued, and destroyed.

(31:42):
So there's a lot of demeaning and devaluing and destroying
types of encodings that you pick up over the years,
so that when she pulls something like that, it immediately
triggers your negative core belief of not mattering and not
being good enough and not being lovable and not being important,

(32:02):
and so you start feeling like a human doing and
not like a human being, meaning that what's more significant
is what you do for her or not do for her,
over who you are to her and the meaningfulness of
the relationship. So you could see that the meaningfulness is

(32:24):
out of the picture. It's all about doing fullness if
you will. So how do you approach a mother like that?
I hope you don't live with her. I hope that
you don't depend on her. I hope that you have
other people that are more nurturing than that. And I
hope that you're not hooking up with somebody who's a

(32:47):
passive aggressive because, as I titled my show Doctor Judy,
WTF with the Freud, we tend to repeat the past,
and if we cannot fix the pass through connection and
conversation and growth and epiphanies and wisdom realizations, we just

(33:11):
keep trying to repeat the past by picking people who
replicate this passive aggressive, demeaning, devaluing type of treatment and
then you sign up for that again. So question to
you question in the main room, are you picking relationships

(33:33):
that are like that for yourself? Are you involved in
with people at the friends or or spell spouse or
family members or significant others or bosses, anybody significant in
your life giving you the cold, passive aggressive shoulder other

(33:59):
than your mother. So if you can answer that question,
then I could tell you more about where this is
going for you.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
That same person just said, now that I'm noticing it
with my mom, I'm kind of seeing it in other
people too. Like my ex boyfriend was super sarcastic all
the time. He made jokes about me being lazy if
I needed rest, and then when I'd say it hurt,
he'd say things like, you're so sensitive. I was just kidding.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
Yeah, those are typical narcissistic words. Look up narcissistic phrases,
and that's just textbook. You're too sensitive. I was just
joking textbook. Okay. So here you are repeating upon yourself
what your mother trained you to accept. So now you

(34:58):
start accepting the unacceptable and you become sort of like
the person that I described in the previous scenario where
the woman is cow towing to the person who needs
that power and control and starts questioning their own mind.

(35:18):
That's an amazingly destructive form of gaslighting when we start
questioning our own mind and we don't recognize things to
be as they are according to the pathology that's right
in front of our eyes. If we can open our
eyes and say this person is sick and ridiculous and

(35:39):
I'm not going to tolerate this, and if they want
to play that game, I'm out. You know, sometimes you've
got to fold the cards and not play into their
deck of cards because if you're playing into their deck
of cards, they're going to continue to spin you around
and you know, and win hands down, so to speak.
So if you're engaged in this what the freud behavior,

(36:02):
I'm going to recommend that you go back into your
childhood if you want to do it through our team
the mind Map, or buy my video Healing from Narcissistic Abuse,
which is available and say do it yourself therapy, and
you can purchase it and download it. If you would
put it up on the screen so people can see

(36:24):
it and they can know that they can purchase it
if they want Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. Thank you very much,
And it's the mind Map Journey video series healing from
narcissistic abuse, and it's a step by step process to
help you identify childhood wounds like narcissistic passive aggressive mothers

(36:47):
and relationships that you enter into because you've been blueprinted
that way, and how you get gas lit by these people,
and you repeat things over and over until you can
front the shadow, until you confront that piece of you
that you yourself find unacceptable, that piece of you that

(37:14):
doubts yourself, that piece of you that cow tells to
other individuals who are trying to gain power and control
over you. And until you get that part of yourself back,
you're always going to be giving it away to other
people and find yourself in the same story. Okay, so

(37:36):
that's why we keep finding ourselves in the same story
even though the characters change. Remember Shakespeare would comment that
all the world is the stage, and the actors are
just there to be changing the scenario and the messages
and so on. But in your case, your message, your

(38:02):
messages are coming straight at you. Stop stop, stop stop
buying into their passive aggressive behavior. Do not allow this
to take place. Put your pride and put your yourself
before there need to manipulate and control you, because that's

(38:23):
really what they're trying to do. And until you get
that right, you're going to be spinning around in a story. Okay,
So please be aware of that. If you want to
connect with me, I think you guys know how to
do that through the Psychological Healing Center and you can
always write me at doctor Judy at Psychological Healingcenter dot

(38:43):
com and you could purchase the video on my website
Psychological Healingcenter dot com and you can also get assistance
through one of our team members to help you through
recovering from narcissistic abuse because it doesn't go away, It
just doesn't go away. That's my other website, Healing Global Disconnect.

(39:06):
You should check that out too, But my regular website
is Psychological Healing Center dot com and that's my other
original video of healing from Narcissistic abuse of just Narcissistic.
The original website was more generic. It was geared toward
healing from childhood wounds. The second video is geared toward

(39:29):
healing from narcissistic abuse, so they're slightly different. The second
one is more specific and in depth toward narcissistic abuse.
So please remember the what the freud? You know, everybody
watch out for your what the freud, which is your
tendency to repeat things because you're not complete with them,

(39:53):
because you've been blueprinted that way, and the pattern just
keeps manifesting over over again. Back to my story about
this couple, the man's father favored the brother, so he
was clearly given the message that he was not number one,

(40:14):
and so he needed to gain that power and control,
and so he found somebody that was weak enough to
always put him number one no matter what his behavior.
So if he was passive aggressive, if he locked her
out of the house, he was always number one, because really,

(40:35):
where's she gonna go? Remember, childhood is a hostage situation,
and when you're weakened down, you know, it's easy to
see from an outside view. I'll look at that beautiful couple,
What a beautiful woman he got twenty five years younger,

(40:55):
But let's take a look at the reality. Wow, twenty
five years younger, coming out of a domestic violent situation
where the parents forced her to marry a man that
raped her, and now here she is in bed literally
physically with somebody who is wielding a new type of

(41:17):
abuse upon her, a passive aggressive abuse. But you know
she can justify it by saying, well, he's not raping me,
he's not beating me. He's beating me. We've got a
nice enough place to live. So you know, there are
all kinds of justifications people use to quell their anxiety

(41:42):
over being in a sick hostage situation, because that's really
what it is. If she pulled out of the system,
if somebody would guarantee her confidence, you know, remember Dorothy
and the Wizard of Oz. If somebody gave her courage
the lion, if they rewarded her with courage, she would

(42:03):
be able to face the passiveness and say not aggressively,
but assertively, because the opposite of aggressive is assertion. She
could assertively say, you know, next time, or if ever
you pull a three day stunt or a one day

(42:25):
stunt like that of cutting me off, if you don't
have the decency to speak to me directly about what
is bothering you and be my partner in healing whatever
disconnects we have, I'm out. The people are too scared
to get out of a relationship because there's a lot
invested and I'm not suggesting to automatically divorce or drop people.

(42:50):
My philosophy has always been number one, don't drop the person,
drop the problem. But that means that two people have
to face the problem, confront the problem, resolve the problem,
and then prioritize the relationship. In the case of passive

(43:13):
aggressive narcissists, they won't face the problem because that's too
embarrassing to them. They won't confront the problem because that's
losing control over themselves. And now they're instead of being
able to blame the problem on something else, they actually
have to do something that narcissists hate to do. They

(43:37):
just don't know. They steer clear away from self reflecting
and self correcting. They will never apologize. They'll demand apologies,
but they don't themselves apologize, So don't expect that from
a narcissist overt or covert. But the passive aggressive ones

(43:59):
are really sneaky and underhanded, and they hurt by pretending
that they're not hurting. And that's even more exceptrifuge. It's like, yeah,
it's sneak, sneakily underhandedly manipulating somebody without appearing as though

(44:27):
they are harmful, horrible people. But they are, okay, So
let's not forget that any comments in the chat room.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
That person who was asking the other questions just said,
thank you, doctor Judy.

Speaker 1 (44:43):
Oh you're very welcome. I hope that helps. And if
you're still stuck in it, please don't be. You know.
Part of the reason that I've been doing this for
ten years plus, right Tony, I think ten years plus
is because I really enjoy my work. I love being
a psychologist. I love the mind map work that I do,

(45:05):
and mainly I love to make a difference to other
people's lives. So if I can solve a problem in
your life that is needing to be solved, and you're
willing to, so to speak, bear your psychological soul, okay,
so that we can get down to it. I think

(45:25):
that's the way out of the mess is just to
be vulnerable, because without vulnerability, you know, even when you
go to your medical doctor, you have to be vulnerable.
You have to have your blood drawn, which is being vulnerable.
You have to take your clothes off sometimes to get
yourself checked. You've got to be vulnerable and tell them

(45:46):
what's bothering you and expose your frailties. So in psychology,
too to be vulnerable, which narcissists hate to be. That's
how you get help and how you get healing is
you expose your vulnerability. It's sort of like exposing your

(46:07):
darkness to the light of the wisdom of your psychologist
or your therapist. You've got to start with exposing your
darkness because otherwise that darkness will just sort of like
cook you in your own darkness. It'll lock you down,

(46:27):
it'll keep you stuck, it won't allow you to grow
so onto bigger and better things, which is panel number
seven eight nine. I just want to cover a little
territory there. So if you can go to seven eight nine,
this is the opposite of narcissism. It's the opposite of
passive aggressive. You can see panel eight is a paradigm shift.

(46:49):
We're basing our life on truth, integrity, human principles that
add value to others, add value to ourselves, and create
more lights. So it's the one plus one is greater
than two phenomenon. We all want that kind of relationship.
Those are the kinds of relationships that I'm personally interested in.

(47:14):
Other ones are just too draining and too boring, and
you know, just like not for me. And that leads
us to getting with people who are true growth partners
who help each other up the evolutionary scale. And you
could see that the toxicity and panel number eight, the

(47:37):
healing panel, is gone. There's clean clear water, there's the
planet Earth which roots us into growth and spirals up
to higher levels of seeing and being and interconnection and
a new encoding and new DNA, and that all is

(48:02):
geared to lead toward a balanced, peaceful, united humanity where
we're in balance with nature and other animals, other species,
plant life, and in balance with our own human race.
And that was that last panel, healing global disconnect, which

(48:23):
is what I want to focus on next Okay, yet
to come. So thank you very much everyone for tuning
in and I will see you next time. Good night, everybody,