The Stingy Ego: How Narcissists Sabotage Their Own Greatness

The Stingy Ego: How Narcissists Sabotage Their Own Greatness

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
M hm m h everyone, and thank you so much

(00:40):
for me doctor Judy here, doctor Judy w t F.
What the freud are we doing repeating ourselves over and
over and creating chaos, defenses and breakdowns. And that's what
we're going to talk about. We're going to talk about
the ego, the stingy ego, and why not arcissists are

(01:01):
sabotaging their greatness even though they're trying to build a
world to put themselves as on top of the mountain
and great. But you know, in the long run, it
doesn't work. And that's what we're going to be talking about.
Why is it that this narcissistic system, after all, is

(01:22):
doomed to failure. Okay, So, if you've been in a
narcissistic relationship, if you suspect that you have a narcissistic
core that gets places by being better and devaluing and
demeaning and destroying other people, I hate to say this,

(01:43):
but you're limiting your light and you're not going to
be the best of your best, even though you think
that that is the pathway to the best of the best.
So let's get into it. I know that we have
people in the audience who are interested in the topic,
and I'm going to start with, why is it that
the ego is stingy? Well, let's think about this, Okay,

(02:09):
what's the ego about? The ego is about me, me
and me and not me. But you know the concept
of selfishness, the concept of it's all about the person
who is of utmost importance. And you know the expression

(02:30):
just was thinking about this, it's not how you leave
other people to think about you. It's really how you
leave other people feeling about themselves in your presence. Okay,
you understand the distinction. One is Wow, that person's so great.

(02:52):
Oh I admire that person. Look how much money he
makes she makes? Look how beautiful, Look how elegant, Look
how successful? Look how powerful? All of that is wonderful.
But you know, in essence, don't we want to be
around people that make us feel good? And for sure,

(03:14):
after being in the business of healing people from narcissistic abuse,
I can, hands down tell you and so can people
who have been subjected to narcissistic abuse being around narcissists
and it is an exercise in feeling to mean de
valued and destroyed, with the idea that they feel better

(03:39):
about themselves. So this is not a pathway to greatness
at all, because eventually a narcissistic system is going to
break down. And this is a talk show and a
call in show, so if anyone wants to call in
on the subject, please do I would love to hear

(04:00):
from you, and I would like to hear how it
is that you got fooled into thinking that being around
a narcissist is going to somehow elevate you. I'm just
going to shut my phone down. Unfortunately I did not
do that, and I am going to do that right now.
Thanks for your patience. Okay, so let me start with

(04:25):
a little story. Okay, So the story is about a
person that wants the world to see them as the
almighty king and queen. So they dress well, and they
power over other people, and they want a total admiration
and all they want to do is be on top

(04:47):
of a mountain and they want everybody to admire them.
And wow, they're special, aren't they? Because they're rich and
you know, they're the king or the queen metaphorically speaking.
But you know, how do you feel down there as
a little person looking up to that other person? So

(05:11):
what I'm getting at is that there's no connection. There's
a connection to their greatness, but where do you belong
in the formula? Kind of down there on the bottom
of the mountain, looking up into their admiring eyes. Wow,
my phone is very active today, and I've got to
shut all of them down. So let me let me

(05:31):
do that, Okay, Okay, So that's not a good place
to be. And since I'm in the business of human
disconnect We're going to talk about why this is so disconnecting.
And that's why I'm disconnecting all my phones and cell
phones and so on, so that we don't get interference. So,

(05:55):
if you can look at it this way, narcissism is
running interferens on connection. Any comments in the chat room
or any questions in the chat room that I can
begin to address.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
There are some people just commenting, but there is one
question already. If you are ready to take that question totally.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
I'd rather take a call, but I'll take the question.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
Oh yeah, right, Well, doctor Judy has spoiled everyone, but
we'd love to hear your voice. Three two three, five,
two four two five nine nine. Please give doctor Judy
a call, get on the couch and have a conversation
with her. But here's the question. Can success ever be
satisfied before someone? Can success ever be satisfying for someone

(06:43):
with a stinging ego? Or do they always feel like
it's not enough it sounds like very personal to them?

Speaker 1 (06:49):
That's great, that's a great question. Could success ever feel satisfying?
I believe it can be very satisfying if it makes
other people better. Okay, so I love the concept of synergy.
So let's bring out my mind map so that people

(07:10):
can know what the frut I'm talking about. Okay, So
if my greatness is at the expense of you, is
not that great? It just isn't. If I'm powering over
you and you're less then and I'm getting greater, then
it's not that great. You know. It might be admirable
for a minute, it might put some money in my bank,

(07:33):
but eventually people are going to get that they don't
want to be around others that are not elevating them.
So let's look at the mind maps so that I
can give you the visual metaphor. Okay, so if you
look at panel number one, you will see the light,

(07:57):
and the light is the best of your best and
whoever adds to your light is going to be somebody
that you want to hang out with because they're adding
to you. If they are shadows that take from you,
then they're not in essence, they're not synergistic, they're not

(08:21):
adding to your light. In other words, they're vampiring your energy.
So if you are a narcissist or want control and
power and money and fame, and you're just soaking up
other people's admiration at the expense of them, what's really

(08:43):
happening is that you're vampiring other people's energy and pretty
soon they're gonna probably move on to another shiny object,
because after all, people do like shiny objects. But you know,
you're going to run out of steam and you're not
really feeding them anything. So you're really going to run

(09:05):
out of steam and nothing's gonna grow. Okay, So if
we look at it from the inception point, how does
this even start? So that's why the mind map. The
mind map addresses childhood wounds that take energy away from

(09:26):
the blossoming child. What does that look like, Well, it
looks like verbal abuse, it looks like physical abuse, it
looks like neglect, it looks like smothering, it looks like
anything that doesn't add to the nurturance of the child,
the mirroring of the child, the attunement of the child.

(09:47):
I'm going back to doctor John Bowlby, who's the father
of attachment theory. So doctor John Bolby says that in
order to have a healthy human psyche, we need you
basically emotionally feed our children the best of the best.
So they need to be attuned to. They need attention,

(10:11):
They need unconditional love, eye contact, skin contact, breastfeeding. In
an ideal world, they need those connective elements to blossom.
But in a narcissistic environment, what's happening is that that
narcissistic figure, whether it be a parent or anybody really

(10:35):
in the person's life, is taking center stage and they're
literally not giving any room for anyone to be on
the stage with them. Okay, so it's nice to watch
the performance. Maybe you'll be entertained by the performance, but

(10:57):
definitely you're not going to have any synergy with someone
who is stealing the light literally. You know, we think
about Hollywood and the shining lights and so on, so
you know, even with a movie that has meaning and richness,
their synergy there because people are learning, they're getting the message,

(11:20):
they're elevating their consciousness, maybe they're gaining information. So I'm
not saying that anyone who's on stage and disseminating information
and is at the center is just flat out stealing
their narcissistic supplies from others. You have to at be

(11:43):
a plus one in order for other people to benefit.
If you're not a plus one, then you're just stealing
the light. So let's go on with the mind maps.
So if you've been physically abused, if you've been sexually abused,
if you've been verbally abused, if you've been controlled and smothered, neglected,

(12:07):
if you have parents that demean, devalue, destroy you, take
from you, take your ideas, take your your labor. Okay,
anything like that where you're not better as a result
of the relationship. What's that going to do to your psyche? Well,

(12:28):
let's move to panel too, and we could see that
being taken from just like the picture shows, shatters us. Okay,
it shatters our psyche, it cracks us up, it leaves
us unhole. Okay, So now our wholeness is being splintered.

(12:48):
And then as our wholeness is being splintered, we lose
perception of who we are becoming, and we fall victim
to negative messages, which is now panel three, and we
soak in these negative column infiltrations or psychological DNA. That's

(13:14):
like a psychovirus because it takes over. And now you're
getting messages that definitely don't leave you as the star.
These messages are you're not good enough to that you're
you're not important, you're a loser. Whatever you do is

(13:37):
not ever going to be satisfactory. So these messages are
already leaving you to believe that you're less then, and
if somebody is putting messages into you that leaves you
less than, then chances are they're doing it because they
want to be more than. If they're saying to you

(13:58):
implicitly or explicit explicitly, you're not good enough, there's no
synergy there. That's the one upsmanship position that you want
to keep away from. Okay, if somebody wants to give
you feedback, that's different. If they want to tell you
that they notice something about you that you have to improve,

(14:22):
or they could you know, they notice something about you
that doesn't feel right to them or doesn't feel right
to the relationship. That's a conversation and it could be
a constructive one. And if you want to have that conversation,
you can use what I created, which is the Peaceful
Healing Dialogue, which is in my book Be the Cause,

(14:45):
Healing Human Disconnect, which you can either get a PDF
copy of by reaching out or you can buy a
copy of by going on Amazon dot com and just
looking up Be the Cause and you can purchase it
right off of Amazon and then have a copy of

(15:05):
it in your hands. Okay, so is there a question here?

Speaker 2 (15:12):
There is a question, and I mean I think we've
all been in this position. Is there a way to
work with someone who has a stingy ego without losing
your own sanity?

Speaker 1 (15:27):
Is there a way to work with someone if you're
a psychologist, but what I want to be in a
partnership with that person? No, that's why they're called patients, right.
They're not your friends, they're not your your your lovers
there you know, hopefully not your marital partners, because those

(15:52):
people are going to gain at your expense. And that's
the narcissistic system. It's a win lose Okay. So part
of this beating down the person lose situation is you
injure them, you crack them up, and then you leave

(16:12):
them with horrible negative core beliefs that make them feel
rotten about themselves. And now they're a nice scent low
down there, so that they could worship you better, okay.
And then you dole out a little bit of love
bombing or a little bit of positive reinforcement, and then
you become the drug and you elevate them through compliments

(16:33):
or through some kind of niceties, and then they rely
on you to feel better because they feel so badly
and they don't know how to make themselves feel better
because they've been injured at the causal level, which has
destroyed the structure of their burgeoning self. Okay. So that's

(16:56):
how you make somebody the victim, injure them, beat them down, okay.
And now you can come in there and offer them money, sex, fame,
everything which will brighten them up for a minute or
two and make them feel fantastic. But now they're dependent

(17:19):
on you to dole out the goodies, and that's exactly
what you don't want, Okay. You don't whether it's a drug,
whether it's a person, whether it's a feeling, you don't
want to be dependent on anything outside of yourself other

(17:40):
than good parenting, because that's where it all starts. If
you have good parenting, we're very dependent on outside source.
But that's the way nature set it up, so that
our parents are supposed to be there to esteem us.
They're the ones that's supposed to give us the unconditional
love and the safety and the guidelines and the boundary
reason and so on and so forth. And if we

(18:02):
don't get that internal structure built properly, then we have
panel three, which is horrible, encoding an unsustainable sense of self.
And that's where we're subjects to the things and arrows
of life's misfortunes. And the weak self is then attracted

(18:28):
to the narcissists who looks so great and look so powerful,
and then we want that, and instead of getting from
them an uplifting feeling, we're giving away our power to
them so that we can be a part of what
we think is an uplifting feeling, which is not an

(18:50):
uplifting feeling at all. It's just an addiction to somebody
that wants to be better than so at the expense
of a being less than so. Look what this results in. Okay,
So let's follow the yellow brick road of the mind
map and see where this gets us. Because, as the

(19:11):
title of the show suggests, this is not a win situation.
So the narcissist is limiting their own light. And we'll
get into why that's so a little bit later in
the discussion. But the narcissist thinks, oh, wow, I'm getting
all the light. Wow, I'm getting all the money, I'm
getting all the fame, I'm getting all the sex in

(19:32):
the world. I'm getting all the drug sex, rock and
roll in the world. This is great, okay. And who
are they getting it from? Are the people who are compromised, okay,
So it's not like they're getting it from other evolved
souls who are in line with them. They're sort of

(19:53):
like bloodsuckers off of the victims of these narcissistically abusive,
all out material people that have been injured by their
parents and love to be in the glow of fame
and in the process feel less than okay. So let's

(20:16):
see what this leads to. So now we've got a
false flailing sense of self, and the narcissist also has
a false flailing sense of self because they're playing a
bad game of life. They're really not growing, they're vampiring, okay,
So they're using people to vampire off of and that's

(20:39):
how they supposedly get rich and famous and esteemed. And
then that leads to panel number four, five, and six,
So let's put those panels up there. So look what happens.

(21:00):
So now the vampire the narcissist is sucking off of
other people, and what happens to other people The other
people fall into chaos and then and then they don't
like the chaos that they're in, so they may go
into defense mechanisms like cell phones, sleeping in, drug sex,

(21:27):
rock and roll, all that stuff, and then at the
end they break down. But is the narcissist also breaking
down or are they truly elevating? So now look they're
ruining people in their wake, okay, because they've been ruined
at the causal level, so they're not evolving and they're

(21:49):
not dispensing what I call synergy. Okay, So that's what
it's all about. Synergy is really what we need to
be looking for. If we're not in a synergistic relationship,
don't waste your time. So what a synergy? Okay, So

(22:12):
let's move to panel number seven and talk about why
narcissists are not creating synergy. So if you look at
panel number seven, you will see that there is interconnection, Okay,
there's a sense of sharing, and then there is light
being generated. So in a narcissistic system, the only light

(22:40):
that they're generating is light for themselves that they steal
from other people. Okay. In a synergistic relationship, it's a
win win situation. Everybody is sharing, everyone is evolving, everyone
one is supporting the other, and there is exchange of energy,

(23:05):
exchange of ideas, exchange of great emotions of connection. And
it's actually panel seven, if you look at it, is
a metaphor for growth and fertility. Okay. So it's only
through synergy that we can grow. And so if a

(23:29):
narcissist thinks that they can grow off of the skin
of your back, then they're wrong because there's no synergy
in it. Okay. It's like an objectified relationship. It's like
a system of using other people, but it is definitely

(23:50):
not a growth system. So the only growth system is
a synergistic system. And by not engaging in a synergy
stick system, the narcissist is limiting their opportunity to enhance
themselves through the enhancement of others. So what kind of

(24:12):
system are they really creating? They're kind of creating a
black hole. Okay, you know if this were I think
there's a question.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yes, yes, And I am going to put you back
on screen so people can see you. This one. I
think we've all thought this, It says doctor Judy. I've
seen people who are narcissists completely ruin their relationships but
still be very success successful in their work life. Why

(24:45):
is that in your experience? Do they tend to cause
more damage in their personal life or is it equally
or pretty equal in both career and relationships?

Speaker 1 (24:55):
Well, what do you mean by success? Right? You have
to ask yourself that you know, do they have a
lot of money?

Speaker 2 (25:01):
Do they have a lot of money?

Speaker 1 (25:03):
And yeah, like a lot of toys? Okay, yeah, but yeah, yes,
they may they may have all of all of the above. However,
what they don't have is the most valuable human commodity,
if you will just call that. Yeah, for lack of

(25:26):
a better word, no connection, no influence to make another
human being a better person. You know, I'm a grandmother now,
which I love to be, and I have a little
granddaughter who's finally turning too, and she is so amazing.

(25:47):
And it's not like I'm going there every week to
buy her a bunch of presents, and you know, I
do sometimes I give her presents. But you know what
really lights her up and lights me up is that
we share art. So every time I show up, I
show up with my paints and I show up with brushes,

(26:09):
and I get her paints and little painting clothes and
paper and colorful markers. And what we're doing is we're
sharing an experience. Okay, so is she looking to Grandma
for oh, you know what's in that big box today? Like, oh,

(26:30):
let me open up my present. No, we are sharing
an experience and we laugh and we get dirty. And
yesterday she wanted to paint my face, so I let
her take the brush and paint my eyebrows and paint
my nose and have so much fun. And it was
really connected. And so when I walk into the room,

(26:53):
it's like, Mama, it's not like, look what did you
bring me today? You know, did you buy me something?
You know? Like who cares? That's not the human connection
that our soul's crave. So let's boil it down to
our soul and our ego. Our ego likes nice and

(27:15):
my ego likes nice things. I like a nice car,
love a nice house. I love I love nice things. However,
I also love, more than anything, fantastic experiences. I love
to share with people that I care about. I love

(27:35):
when people care about me and add to my life.
I'm always looking for synergistic relationships or growth partners. That's
my favorite thing in the world. And really my favorite
thing in the world is to make a difference in
other people's lives, which is why I chose my profession.
So there's nothing more amazing to me than to here. Wow,

(28:02):
you really changed my life. Wow you really gave me
another perspective on that. You helped me out of a
relationship that was doomed to create a horrible depression in me.
You know, this is what this is what the soul
craves is to be around people who are going to

(28:24):
be a plus one and elevate another. And you know,
when I started the mind map, I had this concept
called Join the Human Race Healing Global Disconnect. I even
have a website called Healing globaldisconnect dot com and the
message which I will put in a very short version

(28:49):
for you, is that we've achieved everything as a human race.
You know, we've gone to the moon, we've built rocket ships,
we've we've built tall buildings and technology and ali But
what we haven't achieved yet is to come together as
a united humanity. And what would this world be like

(29:12):
if everyone on the planet we're a piece of a
synergistic system and we would all be helping each other
evolve in some way. And no, we're not exactly the
same in all areas. Not everyone has talent and math,
or not everyone has knowledge in psychology or art, but

(29:36):
we all have our contribution. And if we concentrated on
our contribution to the human race, rather than splinter apart
and buy for popularity or buy for power and control,
we would one hundred thousand percent shift from human or

(29:59):
in human to humane. And for those of you who want,
I can. I can make it happen and email you
a mind map for living the mind map way and
if you ask for it, if you email me, I'll

(30:20):
get that out to you. But that's my dream. My
dream is to have a mind map way of life
that is ethical, that is synergistic, it's based on building
and creating and health and truth and value. And that's

(30:41):
exactly what we need to thrive. And so that's why
I make a big deal about the difference between synergy
and power and control. So if one system is a
synergistic system where we're all helping each other evolve and
we all have the intention, which is the consciousness, if

(31:03):
our consciousness is to help other humans be better humans
rather than I'm going to get something from you or
I'm going to win something from you. You know, and
I want to backtrack on that. Let's say that you're
into sports and you want to win. That doesn't mean
you're a narcissist. That just means that, you know, you

(31:24):
might be having fun and challenging the best of your
best with somebody else's best of their best, and you're
bringing out each other's best of each other's best, so
you know, it's tricky. It doesn't mean that just because
you're part of a tennis match or on one side
of the football field, that you're necessarily trying to gain

(31:46):
power and control. You know, you're bringing your light to
somebody else's life, and you're bringing that to sharpen your
light and sharpen the other person's lights. So I don't
want to get you confused by the concept that just
because you're on another team, you're trying to power and
control over somebody, because the consciousness is about perfecting yourself

(32:14):
and having other partners to play with so that you
can become better and better at who you're being, and
you can have other people on the other side bring
out all of the sweat and all of the skills

(32:34):
and all of the craftsmanship and all of the strategies
which make both of you better people. So it is subtle.
It's not just one dimensional way of explaining things. And
if you have any questions about that, please feel free
to call in or ask me. But I really do

(32:59):
make a big, big deal about synergy as the only
way to go here, and unfortunately we're living in a
very unsynergistic world and we really really have to watch
who we play with and interconnect with, because if we're
interconnecting with people who are unethical and inhumane and who

(33:26):
don't have the best of the best philosophy and intention
in mind, then you know, we can't we can't play
with people who are sociopaths. You know, like you could
try even psychologists have not had very much success in
converting a sociopath into a kind hearted soul. Sometimes people

(33:51):
are much too damaged to to go through that process
of paradigm shifting into empathy. So if a human being
lacks empathy, then I think it's reasonable that you don't
want to interconnect with that person. It's reasonable that you

(34:14):
choose carefully who you want to interconnect with. And that's
why it's so important to choose wisely and choose people
who who have empathy, or be a psychologist who helps
people to develop their empathy so they can be better
members of the humane race. And notice that I said

(34:37):
humane and not human, because we're all human, but many
are inhumane. And you know it's not your job to
turn inhumane people to humane people. Just try to concentrate
on your own humanity, your own humaneness, and help others

(35:00):
people to bring out the best of their best. If
you're a parent, you can do that by making sure
that you give your children the nurturants, the safety, the
unconditional love that they deserve, the boundaries, the mirroring, the achievement,

(35:24):
because that's where it all starts. Okay, And if we
don't get that then we're off to a very bad start,
and that's how our psyches shatter and splinter, and that's
how these negative core beliefs and destructive thoughts and patterns develop.

(35:45):
And so really what we need to invest in if
we're going to survive as a human race, we have
to invest in being the best parents that we can be,
because that's what gives life to our future generation and
that's what we have to build. So that that's where

(36:08):
all of this is going, right, is that eventually, if
we're going to pro create, we want to do it
with the intention of connection and not just bringing people
into this world. And you know proverbial, proverbially speaking, hand

(36:28):
them a cell phone is a pacifier for example. And
we have another question, so please go ahead.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
Yeah, yes, and also for the people that are tuning
in for the first time, we appreciate it. So please,
doctor Judy would love to talk to you. And it's
three two three five two four two five nine to nine.
And but this one says, in your in your experience,
doctor Judy, have you ever seen someone truly change a

(36:58):
stinging ego in to a generous.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
One a stingy either. Yeah, but it has to start
with having empathy for themselves. It's a tough journey because
we've got to go back to where the stinginess began,
and that began with their parents. Okay, so it's not

(37:22):
like you get a stingy person out of thin air.
You've got to go back to the injury and have
them develop a sense of empathy to that child that
was mistreated and disconnected from. So in other words, a
lot of people think that you should just you know,

(37:43):
move on, forgive and forget, and I kind of go
the opposite direction. I go in into the wounds, into
the childhood wounds, back to the cause, and back to
the experience of having been injured and then repairing them
and feeling for the baby within you about that and

(38:06):
through experiencing the empathy is experiencing the pain and then
the self empathy you get to reconnect to yourself. Can't
connect to others until you reconnect to yourself. Any other
questions around that, Yeah, that's a very important point. You

(38:29):
can't just birth empathy. You've got to go through the
disconnection from the empathy that led to your apathy, and
we it's like a dead you know, dying nerve or
nerve that hasn't been stimulated. So if you had to

(38:51):
put up your narcissistic defenses and your heartshell, you've got
to go beyond the heart shell and get to the
pain and reopen that pain point and look inside there
and be an enlightened witness to that person, which is
what a psychologist or a therapist does, and stand there

(39:16):
with that person who was injured at the causal level
and then help them to see how unfair and painful
it was for them to have that experience before they
erected the wall and the defense mechanism of narcissism and

(39:37):
build built the apathetic shell. So this kind of therapy,
to be the cosm method, goes back in. And so
that's why, yes, yes there is painful because people don't
want to crack the shell. Okay, they don't want to
go back, but then again, if they don't, they're going
to be living a shell of a life, you know,

(40:00):
the narcissistic shell, the unsynergistic life that doesn't create interconnection.
It's a power and control system and it doesn't lead
to a rich and soulful and meaningful life. It might
lead to monetary success, it might lead to career success,

(40:25):
It might lead to more beauty, it might, you know,
but then again temporary because those things don't have the
consciousness of connection behind them. On the contrary, do.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
Most narcissists know they're sabotaging themselves or do they feel
like they're always blaming others?

Speaker 1 (40:51):
Oh that's a great question. I think somewhere in there
they know, but they like to blame others because they
don't want to confront the thing act that they are. Yeah,
it's just easier to pass the buck. You know, it's
your fault. It's your fault that I have to shut down.
It's everything's your fault.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
Yeah, yeah, right? And how yeah that is? I mean,
because somebody else was saying, does this always stand back
from childhood? I can't imagine. If if from childhood and
let's say sixty year old, how does one even I mean,
for sixty years that's all you've known. How do you

(41:32):
even how do you even get that clean slate of
saying I'm not going to be like that anymore?

Speaker 1 (41:39):
That that would be Most people don't want to bother
Just okay, I'm just gonna keep on my system. I'll
keep drinking, I'll keep smoking, I'll keep using other people.
I'll keep building walls. I don't want to. So unless
they have somebody in their life that it's going to

(42:00):
crack the narcissistic shell or challenge them somehow, okay, or
they're going to have to break down. They're going to
have to break down because in panel six we talk
about breakdown or break through, okay. So narcissism is a
pretty hard shell. So it takes a lot to break

(42:21):
them down because they you know, here's the thing with narcissism.
When somebody gets feedback, a non narcissist will sometimes welcome
the feedback and say, thank you for your observations. I
could really grow from your advice. I appreciate your insight.

(42:42):
But with narcissists, they don't appreciate the insight because they
look at it as a personal attack. So self reflection
and any kind of feedback is deemed as a criticism.
Why because they were probably criticized the crap out of
when they were little, so they built up a wall
against feedback, you know, specifically criticism, but anything sounds like

(43:07):
criticism to them, so they generalized feedback to mean criticism,
and then there's no no allowing that in Okay, so
you see how they they limit themselves because they can't grow.
Feedback equals criticism, so they're just gonna shove it back
and there's no mirroring to reflect aspects of themselves that

(43:31):
maybe are toxic to their own nature and limit them
from having satisfying connections and you know, and and a
meaningful life. So they might have a successful life, they
might have a controlled life, they might have a life

(43:51):
that other people admire. They might have a life that
people write autobiog biographies about. It's just that where's the meaning, right,
And the only meaning that I can think of is
in it synergy and the ability to let in feedback

(44:15):
from the right people, you know, from the people that
are going to demean and devalue and destroy you, but
genuinely from people who have the right intention to make
you a better human being. That's the kind of feedback
that's invaluable. That's why people pay psychologists and therapists for

(44:35):
the feedback right, because they want perspective. And narcissists don't
want perspective because it's deemed as painful criticism, again, tracing
it back to the cause they've probably been put down
and demeaned, and they've confused any kind of feedback as

(45:01):
a way to criticize them. So it's almost like they've
developed in an aversion to feedback. And so going back
to the topic, how to narcissists limit themselves, Well, they
limit themselves because they are hardened. They have a shell.
They don't experience a welcoming sense of a feedback, and

(45:23):
so they can't grow because there's nothing coming from the
outside in. They're impenetrable. Okay, so you know the mirror
doesn't go two ways. It's just like a one way
mirror themselves looking at themselves and that's it.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
So no synergy is Let me ask you this because
it brings up a question, because is there a difference
between someone that's a loner and a narcissist?

Speaker 1 (45:53):
Yeah, I think so. There are a lot of people
that are alone and they don't necessarily wanted to mean
or devalue and destroy other people, right right.

Speaker 2 (46:06):
They just want to be left alone.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
I just want to be left alone. And you know
it's sad, but the human race is not the most
wonderful species. I mean, that's why two amazing dogs. I
enjoy the K nine species, you know, I do love
human beings, if they're synergistic, if they want to add

(46:32):
to my life, if they want to grow. You know,
that's why I do enjoy being a psychologist, because the
people who come to me are on some level humbling themselves.
That's another quality narcissists don't have. They don't have humility,
so they can't say, you know what, I have a problem,
and this problem is keeping my heart apart from another

(46:55):
human being that I think I want to be with.
But you know, I'd rather stay sheltered. I'd rather stay
in control of the relationship. I'd rather just be the
boss rather than be a partner.

Speaker 2 (47:15):
Right mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
Power and control versus love and intimacy. They they they
are on different frequencies.

Speaker 2 (47:30):
Somebody in a chat room share share a wish as
meaning like like me as the loaner like say that again,
share a wish is the YouTube name, says like me
meaning is the loaner versus the never.

Speaker 1 (47:48):
Mean that you're a narcissist, And you know, might be
that you've been really hurt by narcissists. Yeah, you don't
want to share yourself, but you know, like even in
that state, you could still have a desire and an
intention to seek out people who are more generous and

(48:09):
kind and spirit and maybe there are people out there
for you to interconnect with and be a growth partner with,
and maybe you can try to add to somebody's life
in a way where they'll appreciate you and then do

(48:31):
sing back to you. That's energy. Yeah, So we're living,
you know, in a time where we're not really playing
the best game of life. You know, you can see
this on a global scale. We're not playing the best

(48:53):
game of life. We have so much money on the
planet and so much beauty and so much food and
good energy and intelligence, and if you could just you know,
bring it all together and everybody share with each other
and make a human race, join the human race and

(49:18):
not splitter off into isms that separate. Okay, And that's
really tough because once you've been hurt, and once you've
been you know, wounded to that degree, you want to
separate yourself and you want to protect yourself and you
want to power over other people, and you know, it's

(49:41):
it's it's it's not the greatest system. So it's up
to us now to create a humane race. And my
intention years ago was to create a system on the
planet called Join the human race, healing global disconnect, and

(50:06):
I think we need to achieve that in our hearts
and in our consciousness, that we are all interconnected. We
are part of a human race, and it is our
choice to be humane or not. And no politician, no philosopher,

(50:26):
no nobody can really dictate that. It's just that we
are the cause of choosing humaneness over disconnect and worse destruction.
So what I'm saying is take it upon yourself and
be the cause. And so if individually we go on

(50:51):
a healing journey. You know, I was just saying to
somebody yesterday in one of my sessions that if we
can get to the point where it would hurt me
to hurt you, we're on the right track. You know,
it would hurt me to hurt you. I don't want
to hurt you. It would actually cause me pain to

(51:11):
cause you pain. And that's empathy. Okay. That's where we
want to get as a humane race, is we don't
want to hurt each other because we're really all in
this together, and we share the planet, and we share
this field of energy and consciousness, and so each of

(51:34):
us has to mind our consciousness and create a humane
contribution to the human race. So any other questions or

(51:54):
comments or you know, we keep ending back up to
join the human race, or at least I do, because
this is a you know, a very very important thing
that we have to challenge ourselves with on the planet.
You know, we're all led by different philosophies and systems

(52:16):
and so on, and I'm suggesting to get into a
system of humanness humanity and let it hurt you to
hurt other people. It's not right to hurt other people,
So why would you want to enjoy hurting another human being?
You know, if you don't want to be around that

(52:38):
person because they're not good for you, then good choose
not to be around them. It's just that we're all
in charge of our humaneness. So I'm putting you, guys
in charge of being humane and to feel the pain
of other human beings so that you can sharpen your empathy.

(53:00):
You could develop your empathy and steer clear away from
your narcissism and steer clearer away from power and control
and desire to better yourself through bettering other people and
allow yourself to be influenced by people who want to

(53:20):
better you. So I'll end on that note. And if
anyone wants to get a map of living the mind
Map way, reach out. And of course if you're interested
in signing up for the system, reach out and let's
start the journey. Thank you so much everyone, Bye for now.

(54:00):
Mediallydub it is Bally Dubian. What is God?