July 25, 2025 • 56 mins
In this powerful episode of You Turn, Dr. Judy Rosenberg explores how our deeply rooted core beliefs—especially the negative ones formed in childhood—can unconsciously shape our entire lives. Why do we so often become the very reflection of our pain, fear, or unworthiness? Are we unknowingly turning into the “living proof” of what we’ve been programmed to believe? Dr. Judy breaks down the psychology behind these destructive patterns using her Mind Map® system, guiding listeners through the process of identifying, decoding, and healing from core beliefs that no longer serve us. Through real-life examples and insight-driven discussion, she reveals how to stop reinforcing harmful narratives and start living from a place of empowerment, truth, and emotional freedom. If you've ever wondered why you keep attracting the same toxic relationships, self-sabotaging your success, or battling inner shame—this episode will help you finally connect the dots and take back your power.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:38):
Hello, everyone, and thank you so much for bringing in
doctor Judy here, doctor g d W t F. And
I'm really excited about this particular show was of course
inspired by a session with a client patient, and I
think it's a very deep, deep conversation. So put on
(01:00):
your deep thinking hats and join me and start pondering
why is it that you turned into your core beliefs
then why you are now living proof of your core beliefs.
So that is the topic for tonight. And just by
(01:20):
maybe a show of hands in the chat room, how
many people are familiar with the mind map? Just kind
of you know, say hey or nay, or I have
a little bit or very or any response there, Tony.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
You have three people said I am.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, okay, we're going to go to the mind map,
because that's what I do. I mind map things, and
I do it because it makes it so crystal clear.
So you know, it's not too surprising to you if
your mother, let's say, called you stupid all your life,
(02:01):
that you then feel like a stupid idiot. And when
you feel like a stupid idiot, it compromises your ability
to learn, It compromises your motivation to learn, and then
you turn into your core beliefs, in this particular case,
your negative core belief that you're stupid. So why do
(02:23):
we do this? So let's mind map this and find
out why it is that you are walking proof of
all kinds of horrible negative core beliefs like I'm not
good enough, I'm not worthy of love, I'm that I'm skinny,
I'm ugly, I'm too tall, my ears are too big,
my nose is too short, and this list goes on.
(02:47):
It's amazing how many negative core beliefs there are about yourself,
about the world at large, and how do these core
beliefs even enter our psyche. I like to refer to
them as psychoviruses, because they're just like that. They bite you, okay,
(03:08):
and then they infect you, and then they live in
you and they play it out in your life, and
that that is why you become living proof of your
core beliefs. In this case, I'm going to concentrate on
the negative ones. So what is a core belief? A
core belief is something that you believe deeply about yourself.
(03:32):
It is an activation point. It is something of a trigger,
so that if somebody says something related to your negative
core belief or even hints at it. Then chances are
that you'll get fired up and you'll fire off or
shut down, or punch somebody in the nose, or something
(03:53):
will happen, but you will not really take it well.
So let's go back to, as I like to say,
the cause, which is how we emotionally get programmed. So
let's look at panels one, two, and three and then
take a look at how we manifest one, two and three.
(04:15):
You know how we talk about manifestational lot that's a
big word in our community. Now why are we manifesting
what we're manifesting, Whether it's being broke or being lonely,
or being in repetitive relationships or not being able to
(04:38):
think straight and clearly. Whatever it is that we're manifesting,
we do so because there is a root cause behind it.
So Panel one represents this root cause. So what is
panel one? It's a metaphor. My mind map is a
metaphor and a system all at the same time. What
(05:03):
I really do like about it is every time I
look at it, I see something different, and every time
I treat a patient, I can use it metaphorically in
different ways. So it always speaks to them. Whether you
are particular, age, race, religion, political demographics, it doesn't matter,
because this is a human thing. Okay, we all are
(05:29):
both our best of our best and the worst of
our worst. I call it the darkness and the light.
So we were born into the world, and we weren't
broken when we were born into the world. I believe,
as Ralph Waldo Emerson says, that we were born whole
and complete. And so that is the light in the background. Now,
(05:55):
what happens to your wholeness is that it gets compromised,
It gets broken up, so to speak, it gets infiltrated
with horrible treatment or lack thereof. And what I mean,
and I'll get into this soon acts of omission and
acts of commission, meaning that which was done to you
(06:18):
and that which was not done for you. So your
wounds of childhood include acts of omission like lack of
attention would be omission, and acts of comission like getting
beaten the hell out of that would be a co mission.
So these wounds of childhood compromise our light. And not
(06:42):
only do they compromise our light, but they stop us
from believing in ourselves. And when that happens, then we
cannot believe any longer that we are capable of being
the best of our best. So even our belief in
ourselves gets whittled down to nothing or barely anything, or
(07:08):
a very very shadowed version of ourself. So this is
not a good place to be in life. And everybody
more or less has experienced their shadows and their compromises.
And so these panel one wounds, I want to go
through them because I've seen it all, and they basically
(07:28):
boil down to emotional abuse, neglect, physical abuse, physical neglect,
control smothering, sexual abuse, narcissistic parenting. These are the main
culprits of childhood abuse. And if you can think of
(07:48):
any others, or if I've left one out, then probably
we'll get around to remembering it. But basically it's our
abuses and our neglects, our controlling parents. Our parents lack
empathy and put their needs before hours and don't do
what John Bowlby, father of attachment theory, says is the
(08:13):
foundation for mental health, which is eye contact, skin contact, mirroring, attunement,
good enough mothering, a secondary parental figure like a father
who nurtures the mother so that she can nurture the
baby and that would be what I would refer to
as the system gone right, And usually it doesn't go
(08:36):
so well. So when we're born, we're more or less
a blank slate. Sure we've got our genetics, Sure we've
got our temperament, but basically we're not really programmed yet.
And every single impression that is put upon us is
an impression that molds and shapes our behavior, our emotion,
(09:01):
our attitudes, our beliefs. Okay, so if you put it
that way, then you could see that from the beginning,
negative core beliefs and positive ones are being programmed into you.
Little Johnny, you're so you're so handsome, You're you know,
you're such a winner. Oh little Mary, you are beautiful.
(09:23):
Look at those eyes. Oh little Mary, Wow, you sure
are a smart little girl. Oh little Henry, you're so obedient.
I love when you follow mommy's directions. Okay, So programming, programming, programming, programming.
So we need it because we need some kind of
a basis of a formation of the self. However, sometimes
(09:47):
this programming is not too pretty. And what happens when
we are abused and neglected and treated or mistreated, it
literally cracks our lens of reception. And that is panel
number two. So if you look at panel two, it's
a metaphor we're cracking up. Okay, So these messages, these treatments,
(10:11):
so to speak, are all cracking us up. They're adding
to our mental unhealth, our human disconnect from our primary caregiver,
which sets the stage for human disconnect with self and
other and the world at large, which we can very
clearly see in this day and age and for thousands
(10:34):
of years. So when we get cracked up, we're disconnected.
We react, which is our fight flight, freeze and fond system,
or are amygdala, which is our emotional brain, and we
will do a variety of different things. Either we will freeze,
in other words, just flat flaw in our tracks, will
(10:59):
freeze be able to do anything, or will fad and
just kind of go belly up and submit. Or we'll fight,
or we will flee. Now, when we're babies, we can't
do much, so we can't exactly fight, we can't exactly flee,
so we usually just shut down or react with pain
(11:21):
and very primitive, impulsive kinds of reactions to the world
around us. So when that reaction happens, it eventually encodes
into the fiber of our being in the form of
core beliefs. Negative core beliefs is what I'm going to
(11:43):
focus on. These are the negative core beliefs that I
was talking about. So if you look at the DNA
strand here, you will see that it is a again
a metaphor. It's a metaphor for encoding. So look at
the toxic case in the background, another metaphor or for
the toxicity of these messages, messages that we ingrain into
(12:06):
the fiber of our being. And if let's say our
parents set up a structure that is sick, wounded, compromised,
then we as children absorb that system, we absorb the messages,
and we live in a toxic hostage environment. I like
(12:28):
to say childhood is a hostage situation. And I'll just
finish my sentence. I'll take the question, and then that
DNA strand, as you could see, is compromised. Yes, go ahead,
What is the question? Please?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Yes? So Tammy says, how do I become aware of
the beliefs I'm living out without even realizing.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
It by the results. Okay, So let's say that you're
stuck with your finances. Maybe you have a core belief
that you don't deserve anything. Let's say that you're picking
poor relationships. Let's say that's going on and you're doing
what I call what the freud, then maybe the core
(13:17):
belief behind that is I don't deserve love. Let's say
that you have bad habits like smoking or drinking or
anything like that. That means that you're using defense mechanisms
to avoid feeling bad feelings and feeling self criticism or
(13:43):
self hatred. So you can always tell by the symptoms, which,
by the way, if you haven't gotten my book, please
go to Amazon dot com and look up Be the
Cause Healing Human Disconnect. If you really need a PDF
free copy, I'm happy, happy to give it, although I
personally like when you can hold a book, flip through
(14:04):
the pages, go back and forth between the pages, and
just you know, underline things and highlight things and so on.
So that's Amazon dot Com. Be the Cause Healing Human Disconnect,
so that you could see that. In panel number five
in my book, I make a statement that the symptoms
(14:29):
point to the cause. The symptoms are hieroglyphics. In other words,
they're hints messages that point to the cause. So if
you've got a symptom, you're sure to know that there's
a cause behind it. Interestingly enough, usually in the medical
(14:49):
model and also in the psychiatric model, they seem to
focus on the symptoms a lot as opposed to the cause.
And I'm just the opposite. I focus on the cause
because when you treat the symptom with medication or behavioral
change or some kind of management or deep breathing techniques.
(15:12):
And I'm not suggesting that these are bad, but if
you don't get to the actual cause of the problem,
you're just sort of managing the problem, and you're masking
symptoms or medicating them away, which is the last thing
you want to do if you want to do the
deep work and really bring to the surface the pain
(15:36):
and suffering that you have perhaps even buried all these years.
But they're not buried. Remember they're not buried. They are
infecting your life. They're infecting your health, they're affecting your
money making ability, they're infecting your relationships, they're infecting the
(15:57):
future generation. Okay, so you might not think that there's
a problem, but that's because you're not looking deep enough,
and you're not thinking and connecting the dots between how
your life has turned out and the cause behind it.
But that's what I do, and that's why the book
(16:20):
is so helpful in connecting those dots. Is the other
question I believe, So yes, please go ahead.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah, this is actually a question that may kind of
tie into what I mean. It's kind of the whole
topic tonight, but might tie in what you're talking about.
And we'd love to have you call in three two
three five two four two five ninet nine because doctor
Judy might be able to help you trace, because they said,
can you help me trace where my most limited core
belief came from?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Would you be willing to call in?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I hope so, so give us a call, or give
doctor Judy a call. She'd love to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, that would be ideal if you could please call
in and then we could trace it and I'll keep
you anonymous. You can obviously use another name. You don't
have to say your name and where you're from, and
you know, it's nice to just at least make one
up so I can call you by a particular name.
But you know, this is a connect the dots system.
(17:18):
It's not like in isolation. Okay, you don't smoke in
isolation from childhood wounds or drink in isolation of childhood wounds,
or pick horrible relationships in isolation of the blueprint, which
is the blueprint, that is the blueprint of childhood wounds. Okay,
(17:40):
so everything is connected, Everything is interconnected. So what I
teach people is to live a better game of life,
because there are ways of living life that are going
to evolve you. And of course, there are ways of
living your life that are going to devolve you. When
(18:03):
you live unconsciously, usually you devolve because you don't know
what the heck you're doing and why. And if you
live consciously, you have more conscious choices in front of you,
and you can actually enlighten yourself by knowing truth and
speaking of truth. I believe that this whole mind map
(18:26):
is about exposing lies so that you can live in
the truth and function in the truth. So let's go
back to the topic of why is it why? I mean,
this is a pretty deep question. Why is it that
you're living out your worst nightmare, which is all of
(18:47):
the core beliefs that your mother and your father programmed
into you. So if your mother told you were that
and ugly and stupid and a loser and unlovable, it
wouldn't surprise me if now you're that and stupid and
unlovable and so on, not because you really are intrinsically,
(19:10):
it's because you've lost faith in yourself and you've believed
everything that your parents have programmed into you, and so
now you live that life. And there's another reason why,
which we'll go deeper into. But can you all see
that if you call a kid stupid and incompetent, do
(19:31):
you know that it interferes with their thinking? Do you
know that they may lose motivation to study, They may
lose motivation to even go on for with higher levels
of education because they don't believe that they're smart enough
to do it. So, in other words, they're discouraged even
(19:52):
before they start. So then what happens is they do
let's say the mind map program, and they figured out
that it's all been a lie anyway. But then they say,
you have a doctor, Judy. You know, I think my
parents were right. I am kind of stupid, I am
kind of a loser. Not that many people are liking me,
(20:15):
and not none of them find me lovable at all,
So maybe they had a point. So I ask you
which comes first, the chicken or the egg, is it
that you really are that ugly, a loser, unlovable? And
I can go on and on, and I don't mean
to be hurtful in this, but I'm making the point
that these seriously horrible core beliefs that are programmed into
(20:41):
live out through you. So it's sort of like this.
It's a from through too system, So from your parents,
and this is multi generational, so it's from their parents
to your parents, from their parents' parents and parents parents'
parents through all the way to your parents to you.
(21:04):
So from and then it goes through you like a
bad infection, and then to the manifestation of who you
are and how you are. And so this is where
the loop gets really really stuck, because you look in
the mirror and all of a sudden you become the
(21:25):
living proof of all of the core beliefs that were
programmed into you, and then you absolutely believe these things.
They get double reinforcement here. So why would parents even
do such a thing. Well, usually they do it because
it's been done to them. So that's what I mean
(21:46):
by the repetition principle. And if anyone wants to call in,
I can trace it so that you can actually see
how this goes down wounds of childhood, the reaction, the encoding,
and then out of the encoding comes life. And what
happens in life not good things. If you look at
(22:08):
panel number four, five six, not too pleasant. So what
do we see there? We've got chaos because you weren't
set up right. So now you're in financial chaos, relationship chaos.
Maybe your health is failing you. Maybe you've been overeating
and your blood sugar is too high, or your your
(22:30):
unhealthy liver functions and kidney functions. So now you've made
a chaotic mess of your life because you've been encoded improperly, unsustainably,
and dangerously, and by dangerously meaning that this is life threatening.
(22:50):
So if you've been encoded dangerously, what happens is that
you don't like how you're feeling. You don't like what
you're thinking about yourself, you don't like how people are
treating you. You don't like the way you look, you
don't like the way you think, you don't like your anything.
So then what happens is you defend, because who wants
(23:13):
to be in pain? So now you get into what
I call defense mechanisms. And this is where it gets deadly. Okay,
So now you overeat to numb the pain. You smoke
to numb the pain, you drink to numb the pain,
you cheat to numb the pain. You do anything to
(23:35):
numb the pain. And this doesn't really work out very
well for you because it may temporarily numb the pain.
But is it evolving you? Absolutely not. As a matter
of fact, the more and more you defend yourself in
such unhealthy ways, the harder you break down. And if
(23:56):
you look at panel number six, you'll see that panel
number six is the breakdown panel. This is when you've
had enough and life is not working at all. It's
actually breaking down on you. And this is where you
may feel suicidal. You may feel homicidal, You may feel
(24:17):
deeply depressed and shut down. You may be on a
version or going through a clash of a divorce or
something radical. Okay, and why is this happening? So now
you've really become living proof of your negative core beliefs.
(24:39):
So when people say to you, oh, I just want
you to use affirmations to cancel all of these negative
core beliefs. So then you try that, You look in
the mirror, you say, I am beautiful, I am beautiful,
I'm smart, I'm deserving, I'm lovable. Do you think that's
(24:59):
good work? I joke about affirmations. I really do, because
there's no way an affirmation is going to be believable
when your very parents or primary caretakers have infiltrated into
your mind and programmed you to think otherwise. So do
(25:20):
you think your voice is going to count when your
parents are telling you that you're a loser and you
tell yourself that you're a winner? You really think that
affirmation is going to penetrate and convince you? I think
we have another question, Please go ahead.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Yes, So this seems pretty personal here. It says, is
it really possible possible to become someone new? Someone free
from the fear, shame, or criticism I grew up with?
Speaker 1 (25:51):
So I'm going to answer it this way. It's really
possible to see the truth, okay, And when you see
the truth, you can't unsee the truth. When you have
bought into the lie, and you believe deeply in the lie,
you will live the lie. When we dismantle the chokehold
(26:13):
it has on you and your life, then it releases
and you can start to re process and reprogram and recode.
So one of the things that I want you to
do is I'm revamping my website into a two processed
mind map. Process one is decode your past, which is
(26:33):
the original mind map, and then part two is going
to be recode your future. So do you think you
could recode your future when you have massive negative core
beliefs and obstacles that trip you up and don't allow
(26:54):
you to grow and don't allow you to progress because
they're blockages, there's no way. So part one, let's clear
the blockages and part two, now the road is clear,
and now you can be the cause. And this is
a very important point. Part one, you're at the effect.
You're just a baby. That's how you start. You're just
(27:18):
programmed by your parents and society and culture and so on,
and so the outcome of your life is based on
your programming. Once you undo it and you release the
chokehold of the lies, then you can reestablish a blank
slate state. So it's sort of like a big messy
(27:45):
Let's say your window is all smeared up with grease
and dirt and you can't see through the window. You've
got to clear the slate. You've got to clean the
slate so that you can reboot the system. Think of
a computer. If you've been programming your computer a certain way,
then it's going to give you results that are not
(28:06):
accurate and distorted, and if you rely on those results,
then you're not going to be able to function very well.
Same thing with you. If you rely on the encodings
that were set into your psyche by your family of
origin and they weren't healthy encodings, you're going to be
(28:27):
in chaos. You're going to try to defend. Eventually it's
going to break down. So any questions so far, does
anybody want to call in?
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Well, we would love to have you call in three
two three five two four two five nine nine. I
think doctor Judy is answered questions. So people are now
are like, I don't want to call in. So, like
you said, you can be anonymous. You don't have to
give us your name, and but Jess, we'd love to
hear from you. There is another question, why is it so.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Hard answering questions and have them call in?
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I know, right, I'll.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Take the question. I'm such a softy maid.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
You are you're getting soft?
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Okay, go ahead with the question why?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
And I think we kind of answered this a little earlier,
But why is it so hard? And I'd like to
comment on something about myself after this one? Why is
it so hard to believe something good about myself? When
for years I've made my maid, I was made to
feel I wasn't good enough.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Okay, now we're going to get into part two of
the why great question? Why is it that it's so
hard for you to believe the good of yourself? Pretty much? Yeah,
you've been dead a bunch of lies and distortions from
your parents. And number one I'll point back to because
(29:56):
now you turned out that way? Why because you leaved
it to be so and you manifested what you believed
to be so. So if your parents said you were
a loser, now you really are living proof of being
a loser because you didn't believe in yourself, because your
parents didn't give you the confidence to believe in yourself. Okay,
(30:19):
does that make sense on that level?
Speaker 2 (30:22):
It does to me.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
That's it, you count, Tony, because you call in, I.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Call into you.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Right, it's reversed. Okay, So now we're going to go
into the deep psychology stuff. Okay, So why is it
that parental voices win over our voices. So some of
it is obvious. We look up to our parents. Our
parents are our gods, They are our creators. There are blueprints.
(30:56):
You know the show in the Day. I'm sure most
of you have not watched it. I'm dating myself. Father
knows best. It's like mother knows best, father knows best,
but you don't know best because you're too stupid and
young and immature and naive and all of that to
know best. So you count on the wisdom of your parents,
(31:20):
even if they don't have much of it at all. Okay,
now we're going to go deeper. Why why? Why? Why?
So I'm going to go back to what Alice Miller says,
which is that a child would rather be a bad
child in a good world. So it's better if the
(31:40):
child is wrong and the parent is right. Why is
that the case? Because imagine if you knew early on
that your parents were a bunch of liars and abusers
and they didn't know what the hell they were doing.
How unsafe would you feel in that world? So isn't
it better to reverse it and think that you're wrong,
(32:04):
that you're bad, that you're faulty, and your parents are perfect. Okay,
So that's the deeper part of this. Why is that
you would rather protect your parents over knowing the truth. Okay,
because if it turns out that you're not stupid and
(32:27):
not bad and not ugly, after you've dumped the old programming,
then we've got a problem. Now you've got to confront
the very thing that most people don't want to confront
is their anger and resentment and bitterness against their own
parents that fell fed them all of these lies. And
(32:49):
who wants to do that? And that's why we have
so many people who eventually will leave a narcissistic family,
which you know, sometimes you have to do it my
first go to but you know, sometimes it's just too
much and you've got to fly the fly the coop,
so to speak. So the real reason is that we
(33:12):
do not want to throw our parents under the bus.
It's not safe. They are our caregivers. They are they
are the key to the hostage situation. If we're nice
to them, they'll hopefully change, which of course they never do.
If we're nice to them, hopefully we'll win their love,
(33:34):
which if they're not able to love, it's that could
be possible. Okay, if we're nice to them, maybe they'll
stop hitting us or yelling at us, which is unlikely
because remember, they've been programmed that way as well. Okay,
So is this beginning to make sense to you that
(33:55):
you would rather throw yourself under the bus than admit
that your parents did not do a very great job
of parenting if you're now manifesting the worst of the
worst of you. Okay, And nobody wants to throw their
parents under the bus, especially when they're under the influence
(34:20):
and control of their parents. So parents control in many
many ways. They may control you by money. They may
control you by waving inheritance, which is controlled by money.
They may control you by withholding love and favoring another
sibling over you and create jealousy. There are lots of
(34:44):
ways to control your children, and if you're not aware
of manipulative strategies that parents use to control their children,
then you'll miss it because you'll be living in this
unconscious world where strings are being pulled and deals are
(35:05):
unconsciously being had, And there you are trying to be
the good kid, hopefully in a good world. But if
it's not a good world, it's easier and safer for
you to be the bad one rather than the good one.
And this comes out in fairy tales. So isn't it
(35:28):
easier to think that your mother and your father is
not the wicked witch of the west? I mean, imagine
if you've found out that they were the wicked witches
and warlocks of the West, and that they were out
to get you, and they lived on putting you down
and lived on making sure that your life was worse
(35:50):
than theirs because they were riddled with jealousy. That would
not be a very safe world, and you would not
want to live in that world. So it's better if
you turn it against your self. And I'll say that again,
it's easier for a kid to turn against the self
(36:12):
than it is to turn against the parent. And if
they do turn against the parent, that's not very good
news either because they'll probably be slapped down or punished
or worse ignored. So there are real consequences to be
in a system, being in a system gone wrong where
(36:35):
the parents are the directors of the outcome of your life.
So you can see that in that system, you are
not the cause, and you have to preserve the parent
at the cost of your self. So that's why you're
not developing a self because you're living to please them.
(36:55):
You're walking on eggshells, you're jumping through hoops, You're making
sure that you're as safe as possible by complying, even
if it means that you have to think of yourself
as incompetent, unlovable, and all of those horrible beliefs that
you carry around. Better in the child's mind to think
(37:18):
of yourself that way than to think that your parents
are abusive, narcissistic withholding lacking empathy, which is the definition
of narcissism. So that's not a very okay system to
live in. So better better that you be the bad one. Okay.
(37:39):
I think Alice Miller came up with a brilliant ex
explanation on this, and so I want to bring it
forward and tell you the real why. Why have you
become a living proof of your core beliefs, your negative
core beliefs, to protect your parents, to make sure that
(38:05):
they are not the cause, that you're the cause. You're
the cause of your bad life. You're the cause. And
I'm not saying that you're not responsible for your life.
But that's where therapy comes in. Therapy is the most
responsible thing you can do, because once you find out
that you're living a life that's destructive and that's going
(38:28):
into chaos, defenses and breakdowns, now it's upon you to
fix it. Nobody's going to fix it for you. Chances
are your parents are not going to have some kind
of epiphany and apologize and give you money to go
to therapy to heal the wounds that they've created. It's
not happening. I mean, once in a blue moon, I
(38:48):
see that, but not very often. Any comments so far,
are you guys getting why you become living proof?
Speaker 2 (39:00):
People are saying for sure that this makes sense, they're
going to try some stuff. But I did want to,
if you don't mind, make a comment about something, because
when I was in my twenties, well teens, twenties, even
the early thirties, I, Tony, what do you mean, Well,
I'm only twenty two, but no, I went through a
(39:25):
many years period because I was diagnosed with add but
not until my early twenties, and it kind of made sense.
But I went through many years of feeling dumb, stupid.
I didn't have people calling me that, but I felt
that way. But I did realize once my mother passed
(39:46):
away that when I've kind of found my footing of
not have to deal with her illnesses and issues that
I could focus on me. But when I got started
recreating my core beliefs that I started losing friends and
I started losing family members that just were not fitting
(40:10):
into this new me.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Yes, and they will will slowly abandon it because not
only are they not only are you not wanting to
throw your parents under the bus, they don't want to
throw your parents under the bus either. Okay, so better
you be the one that they kick to the curb
rather than say that your mother, God forbid, or your father,
(40:36):
God forbid, didn't do a great job of parenting. And
I want to visit this issue of ADD. Now I'm
not a geneticist, but I don't know if there's a
true marker for ADD and my personal observation having sat
in this chair for way too long, but I still love it,
(40:58):
So I can't say that really is that ADD is
a symptom of childhood wounds symptom. Okay, so if you
ignore your child, if you don't mirror your child properly,
if you call your child stupid, or even you don't
(41:20):
even have to use the word, just look at them
as they were stupid. Then what happens is that the
brain shuts down and cannot think. So one of the
things that I like to do, I mean, I don't
love to do it, but I'll do it for proving
a point is maybe a child in my office will say, oh,
(41:43):
Doctor Judy, I think I'm really, really, really dumb. I
have add I'm in a special school for it. And
then I'll say something like, you know, Mary, I'm a psychologist, right,
and I'm sure you understand that I could tell if
you're stupid or not stupid, just you know, I could
kind of tell just by looking at you. So what
(42:04):
am I doing there? I'm using my authority, right and
my position. So I'll say, Mary, I hate to tell
you this, but I've been observing you, and you're really
really stupid. And by the way, how much is nine
times seven? And they'll trip up on the answer. They'll
trip up on it. Some people will trip up on it.
(42:25):
If I say four times three, they might trip up
on it. But if the narrative is different. You know, Mary,
you're not stupid at all. I've been watching you. You
are one of the brightest little girls that have ever
walked into this room. I could just tell by the
way you talk, the way you express yourself, and the
(42:47):
school system got it all wrong. How much is nine
times eight? They'll get it right for the most part.
Why because when you flood somebody's brain with a belief
in them, even a little bit of a belief in them,
it clears up their thinking. When you put them down,
(43:10):
it messes up your thinking. So then they'll stick a
label on you add Oh wow, poor Tony's got add
And now Tony has to go to a special school
and get special skills for his add And what's really
going on Probably a mess at home. I don't know
(43:32):
what the mess is, but there's a mess at home.
And until you get down to the cause, your symptoms
are going to be held against you. So nobody will say, wow, Tony,
you know, I understand that we haven't been functioning very
well as parents, and so I know it messed up
your thinking. And now we take responsibility for the fact
(43:56):
that you feel stupid and alone and unable to solve
problems on your own. And yeah, we understand that all
the yelling and the screaming and abuse and neglect have
contributed to your poor thinking. How many parents.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Do that, I'm sure a lot.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Yeah, But how many parents admit that it was their
cause that did that? Oh?
Speaker 2 (44:23):
Not very many.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
No, No, I don't know any parents that say, you know,
but I teach parents to do that to reverse the
damage that they have inflicted on their children, and beautiful
things come of of it, Like I have one patient today,
without breaking confidentiality, of course, whose daughter is now recognizing
(44:48):
that mommy has a dark side and a healthy side.
That's pretty cool, isn't it. And the mom is saying, yes,
my dear, I do, and I'm wrestling it with it.
And sometime times when mommy gets mean to you, it's
not your fault. It's because mommy is not in a
good place. Okay. Do you know how healing that is
(45:08):
to a kid? You know how healing it would have
been to you, Tony if your parents would have said,
you know, Tony, we've been thinking about the atmosphere that
we've created for you and has been pretty atrocious. And
I now understand, We understand why you're feeling stupid and
not able to concentrate really well, and we're going to
(45:29):
clean up the cause, meaning the atmosphere at home. We're
going to work on our marriage. We're going to work
on the family system. We're going to give you support,
and we're going to really manage our side of it
and take the onus off of you and not label
you as the symptom bearer of our problems, because that's
(45:49):
really happening.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
And I mean, it does make sense because, like I said,
they never called me stupid. But one thing that my
mother I wish you wouldn't have done, but she did.
She used to do homework my homework for me because
I was not doing it or getting it understanding it.
Instead of getting me a tutor or you know, she
(46:14):
would just do it for me and then I would
turn it in And so I felt like that definitely
did not help me.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Later, Wait, what's the message. The first message is you're
not smart enough to do it yourself, exactly. She didn't
get down to why is my son having a hard
time concentrating?
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Yeah, well there was a lot of chaos for sure
in the house.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
But that'll do it. Okay, that'll do it. So unless
the cause is addressed, then the add is just a
symptom of a system gone wrong. Either abuse or neglect
of some form is going on, and the kid is
feeling it and become symptomatic, and then the symptom becomes
(47:01):
the family problem, as opposed to the family problem being
the cause of the symptom. Do you see that?
Speaker 2 (47:10):
And I see that now even with my nieces and nephews, well,
one niece in particular, she has two daughters, and hopefully
she doesn't hear this, but one is the oh, my
beautiful girl, my sweet, smart girl, and the other one
is you're a bad girl. You know, you're nothing but trouble.
(47:33):
And so I can already see that that's going to
create the mentality of I'm dumb, I'm a troublemaker.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
I'm absolutely, absolutely so. There's nothing more powerful than a
parent who knows how to own there. Are you still there?
Speaker 2 (47:50):
I'm here, Oh, nothing.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
More powerful than a parent who knows how to own
their own stuff. Once you own your own stuff, it
takes onus off of your child that burden that they're bad,
that their fault, that they're symptomatic just out of thin
air because they're stupid or something's wrong with their brain
(48:13):
or something like that. You know. And I'm not saying
that there aren't cases where there's organicity. One of the
first things that we're taught in school is to rule
out organicity. So certainly if there's a brain dysfunction or
a tumor or some sort of genetic something that you
can actually put your hands on, well you know that
(48:35):
counts for a lot. However, most of it is abuse
and neglect. It really has that level of impact on
the human psyche.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Well hopefully. Like I said, even somebody in chat room says,
almost every day I was told I was stupid and
there was something wrong with my brain. Again, that goes
back to like my niece saying something, it's even though
I put it as when I was a heavy kid teenager,
(49:11):
but even though I lost the weight, even at fifty six,
sometimes I still feel like that fat kids. It's the
I think the mentality sometimes still creeps in. If somebody
questions me or questions my that's that's.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
That's correct, because even though you might change the thinking, okay,
not paradigm shifting out of it, all you're doing is
doing something like losing weight or get plastic surgery. And
you know, I have talked to several plastic surgeons who
have said that even after they've done the procedure, the
(49:53):
patient still has body dysmorph me. I'll see their ears
is too big, where their nose is too big, or
their stomach is too fat. It doesn't you know. That
stuff goes deep in there, and until you identify the lie,
you're going to identify with the lie. And if you've
(50:14):
already identified with the lie, you've become symptomatic. Right, So
it's this vicious loop and somebody's got to get in
there and bust the system. And I really enjoy doing that.
So you know, this is my gain, busting the lies,
busting the psychopathology, and helping people to get out of
(50:37):
psychological prison so that they could be the cause of
better outcomes for their own life and not have to
be at the effect of their parents' programming. That's when
my map two comes into place, So if you would
be so kind as to put that up. So once
we have cleared away all the garbage, right, and paradigm
(50:59):
shifted panels seven, eight, and nine and started the recoding process,
that's where we start cleaning up, and then we're able
to move into goals and reprogramming and recoding, which is
mind map your Future. So we do a little bit
(51:22):
of that in mind Map one, but then let's say
the person says, Okay, now I'm ready to go back
to school and really manifest the best of my best.
So that's where the coaching would come in. And Doctor Perry,
somebody very near and dear to me who I personally
(51:42):
trained at the Psychological Healing Center and have kept in
touch with, came up with a new template of imagery
using the original mind map design. But now we've got
new images, and he and I put together mind Map
(52:03):
your Future. So although he's a life coach and a PhD,
he really specializes and is excellent at moving people forward
into their future. So if you would put a picture
of that up, if you have it, mind Map your Future.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
Let's see right there.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Yeah, thank you. So look, you know, how can you
have vision when you have shadows and wounds? You know
your vision is blocked. How can you have goals when
your goals are thwarted? How could you you know? How
can you have the strengths when your parents have taken
away your strength and told you that you're nothing? How
(52:50):
can you have the having resources? You don't feel that
you have resources because your resources were supposed to be
your parents, and they weren't very good resources. So how
can you have challenges? Well, everything seems like an obstacle.
There's no energy to climb the mountain and meet the challenges.
(53:11):
How can you have solutions? Everything looks bleak, everything is
breaking down. Okay, So until you've done part one mind
map your childhood wounds, decode your past, you can't really
recode fully your future because there's too many blockages. So
(53:33):
I say, if you've suffered from narcissistic abuse and childhood
neglect and injuries, anything that I mentioned, sexual abuse, verbal abuse,
physical abuse, neglect, smothering, controlling, narcissistic, unempathic parents, do the work.
Do the work. It's ten sessions. And I also made
(53:55):
a video called Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. And if you
don't want to spend money on therapy, buy the video.
It's not that expensive. Go to my website, grab the video.
If you need a little help from us, we can
help to process the journey that you would basically be
taking through the Healing from Narcissistic Abuse journey. And then
(54:18):
once you're complete with that, then you can really delve
into your vision, your goals, your solution. Okay, now you're
really ready to tackle recoding your past, because now you
no longer have to think of your parents as the
(54:39):
boss of your thoughts and the boss of your life
and the boss of your blueprints. Now you are blueprinting
your own life. And that's very challenging because you'll slip
back into feeling stupid or feeling like a failure, or
feeling like you're not good enough, and then you'll think, well,
how am I going to get back out of that mess?
(55:00):
I really just not good enough. Well, then you remember
the work you did and the first mind map thing,
and you remember it was a lie, and that what
you're doing again is you are living proof of the
old encoding, and you remind yourself of that, and you say,
I'm not buying it and not identifying with it. I'm
(55:22):
identifying the problem, which is the old encoding. Okay, So
I want you to keep these in mind, and please
do reach out to me at the Psychological Healing Center
and we could get you started on your journey of
healing from narcissistic and childhood wounds and then hand you
over to doctor Perry, who happens to be a really
(55:46):
really motivated and motivating and he's a very very sharp
life coach. And he is excellent at manifesting the best
of the best in people. So thank you so much
for calling in to be in touch. And remember that
you are not your past. You are not the cause
(56:09):
of the outcome of your past life. However, you've got
to dismantle all the garbage so that you could be
the cause of better outcomes for part two of your life.
Good Night everyone,
Hello, everyone, and thank you so much for bringing in
doctor Judy here, doctor g d W t F. And
I'm really excited about this particular show was of course
inspired by a session with a client patient, and I
think it's a very deep, deep conversation. So put on
(01:00):
your deep thinking hats and join me and start pondering
why is it that you turned into your core beliefs
then why you are now living proof of your core beliefs.
So that is the topic for tonight. And just by
(01:20):
maybe a show of hands in the chat room, how
many people are familiar with the mind map? Just kind
of you know, say hey or nay, or I have
a little bit or very or any response there, Tony.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
You have three people said I am.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yeah, okay, we're going to go to the mind map,
because that's what I do. I mind map things, and
I do it because it makes it so crystal clear.
So you know, it's not too surprising to you if
your mother, let's say, called you stupid all your life,
(02:01):
that you then feel like a stupid idiot. And when
you feel like a stupid idiot, it compromises your ability
to learn, It compromises your motivation to learn, and then
you turn into your core beliefs, in this particular case,
your negative core belief that you're stupid. So why do
(02:23):
we do this? So let's mind map this and find
out why it is that you are walking proof of
all kinds of horrible negative core beliefs like I'm not
good enough, I'm not worthy of love, I'm that I'm skinny,
I'm ugly, I'm too tall, my ears are too big,
my nose is too short, and this list goes on.
(02:47):
It's amazing how many negative core beliefs there are about yourself,
about the world at large, and how do these core
beliefs even enter our psyche. I like to refer to
them as psychoviruses, because they're just like that. They bite you, okay,
(03:08):
and then they infect you, and then they live in
you and they play it out in your life, and
that that is why you become living proof of your
core beliefs. In this case, I'm going to concentrate on
the negative ones. So what is a core belief? A
core belief is something that you believe deeply about yourself.
(03:32):
It is an activation point. It is something of a trigger,
so that if somebody says something related to your negative
core belief or even hints at it. Then chances are
that you'll get fired up and you'll fire off or
shut down, or punch somebody in the nose, or something
(03:53):
will happen, but you will not really take it well.
So let's go back to, as I like to say,
the cause, which is how we emotionally get programmed. So
let's look at panels one, two, and three and then
take a look at how we manifest one, two and three.
(04:15):
You know how we talk about manifestational lot that's a
big word in our community. Now why are we manifesting
what we're manifesting, Whether it's being broke or being lonely,
or being in repetitive relationships or not being able to
(04:38):
think straight and clearly. Whatever it is that we're manifesting,
we do so because there is a root cause behind it.
So Panel one represents this root cause. So what is
panel one? It's a metaphor. My mind map is a
metaphor and a system all at the same time. What
(05:03):
I really do like about it is every time I
look at it, I see something different, and every time
I treat a patient, I can use it metaphorically in
different ways. So it always speaks to them. Whether you
are particular, age, race, religion, political demographics, it doesn't matter,
because this is a human thing. Okay, we all are
(05:29):
both our best of our best and the worst of
our worst. I call it the darkness and the light.
So we were born into the world, and we weren't
broken when we were born into the world. I believe,
as Ralph Waldo Emerson says, that we were born whole
and complete. And so that is the light in the background. Now,
(05:55):
what happens to your wholeness is that it gets compromised,
It gets broken up, so to speak, it gets infiltrated
with horrible treatment or lack thereof. And what I mean,
and I'll get into this soon acts of omission and
acts of commission, meaning that which was done to you
(06:18):
and that which was not done for you. So your
wounds of childhood include acts of omission like lack of
attention would be omission, and acts of comission like getting
beaten the hell out of that would be a co mission.
So these wounds of childhood compromise our light. And not
(06:42):
only do they compromise our light, but they stop us
from believing in ourselves. And when that happens, then we
cannot believe any longer that we are capable of being
the best of our best. So even our belief in
ourselves gets whittled down to nothing or barely anything, or
(07:08):
a very very shadowed version of ourself. So this is
not a good place to be in life. And everybody
more or less has experienced their shadows and their compromises.
And so these panel one wounds, I want to go
through them because I've seen it all, and they basically
(07:28):
boil down to emotional abuse, neglect, physical abuse, physical neglect,
control smothering, sexual abuse, narcissistic parenting. These are the main
culprits of childhood abuse. And if you can think of
(07:48):
any others, or if I've left one out, then probably
we'll get around to remembering it. But basically it's our
abuses and our neglects, our controlling parents. Our parents lack
empathy and put their needs before hours and don't do
what John Bowlby, father of attachment theory, says is the
(08:13):
foundation for mental health, which is eye contact, skin contact, mirroring, attunement,
good enough mothering, a secondary parental figure like a father
who nurtures the mother so that she can nurture the
baby and that would be what I would refer to
as the system gone right, And usually it doesn't go
(08:36):
so well. So when we're born, we're more or less
a blank slate. Sure we've got our genetics, Sure we've
got our temperament, but basically we're not really programmed yet.
And every single impression that is put upon us is
an impression that molds and shapes our behavior, our emotion,
(09:01):
our attitudes, our beliefs. Okay, so if you put it
that way, then you could see that from the beginning,
negative core beliefs and positive ones are being programmed into you.
Little Johnny, you're so you're so handsome, You're you know,
you're such a winner. Oh little Mary, you are beautiful.
(09:23):
Look at those eyes. Oh little Mary, Wow, you sure
are a smart little girl. Oh little Henry, you're so obedient.
I love when you follow mommy's directions. Okay, So programming, programming, programming, programming.
So we need it because we need some kind of
a basis of a formation of the self. However, sometimes
(09:47):
this programming is not too pretty. And what happens when
we are abused and neglected and treated or mistreated, it
literally cracks our lens of reception. And that is panel
number two. So if you look at panel two, it's
a metaphor we're cracking up. Okay, So these messages, these treatments,
(10:11):
so to speak, are all cracking us up. They're adding
to our mental unhealth, our human disconnect from our primary caregiver,
which sets the stage for human disconnect with self and
other and the world at large, which we can very
clearly see in this day and age and for thousands
(10:34):
of years. So when we get cracked up, we're disconnected.
We react, which is our fight flight, freeze and fond system,
or are amygdala, which is our emotional brain, and we
will do a variety of different things. Either we will freeze,
in other words, just flat flaw in our tracks, will
(10:59):
freeze be able to do anything, or will fad and
just kind of go belly up and submit. Or we'll fight,
or we will flee. Now, when we're babies, we can't
do much, so we can't exactly fight, we can't exactly flee,
so we usually just shut down or react with pain
(11:21):
and very primitive, impulsive kinds of reactions to the world
around us. So when that reaction happens, it eventually encodes
into the fiber of our being in the form of
core beliefs. Negative core beliefs is what I'm going to
(11:43):
focus on. These are the negative core beliefs that I
was talking about. So if you look at the DNA
strand here, you will see that it is a again
a metaphor. It's a metaphor for encoding. So look at
the toxic case in the background, another metaphor or for
the toxicity of these messages, messages that we ingrain into
(12:06):
the fiber of our being. And if let's say our
parents set up a structure that is sick, wounded, compromised,
then we as children absorb that system, we absorb the messages,
and we live in a toxic hostage environment. I like
(12:28):
to say childhood is a hostage situation. And I'll just
finish my sentence. I'll take the question, and then that
DNA strand, as you could see, is compromised. Yes, go ahead,
What is the question? Please?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Yes? So Tammy says, how do I become aware of
the beliefs I'm living out without even realizing.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
It by the results. Okay, So let's say that you're
stuck with your finances. Maybe you have a core belief
that you don't deserve anything. Let's say that you're picking
poor relationships. Let's say that's going on and you're doing
what I call what the freud, then maybe the core
(13:17):
belief behind that is I don't deserve love. Let's say
that you have bad habits like smoking or drinking or
anything like that. That means that you're using defense mechanisms
to avoid feeling bad feelings and feeling self criticism or
(13:43):
self hatred. So you can always tell by the symptoms, which,
by the way, if you haven't gotten my book, please
go to Amazon dot com and look up Be the
Cause Healing Human Disconnect. If you really need a PDF
free copy, I'm happy, happy to give it, although I
personally like when you can hold a book, flip through
(14:04):
the pages, go back and forth between the pages, and
just you know, underline things and highlight things and so on.
So that's Amazon dot Com. Be the Cause Healing Human Disconnect,
so that you could see that. In panel number five
in my book, I make a statement that the symptoms
(14:29):
point to the cause. The symptoms are hieroglyphics. In other words,
they're hints messages that point to the cause. So if
you've got a symptom, you're sure to know that there's
a cause behind it. Interestingly enough, usually in the medical
(14:49):
model and also in the psychiatric model, they seem to
focus on the symptoms a lot as opposed to the cause.
And I'm just the opposite. I focus on the cause
because when you treat the symptom with medication or behavioral
change or some kind of management or deep breathing techniques.
(15:12):
And I'm not suggesting that these are bad, but if
you don't get to the actual cause of the problem,
you're just sort of managing the problem, and you're masking
symptoms or medicating them away, which is the last thing
you want to do if you want to do the
deep work and really bring to the surface the pain
(15:36):
and suffering that you have perhaps even buried all these years.
But they're not buried. Remember they're not buried. They are
infecting your life. They're infecting your health, they're affecting your
money making ability, they're infecting your relationships, they're infecting the
(15:57):
future generation. Okay, so you might not think that there's
a problem, but that's because you're not looking deep enough,
and you're not thinking and connecting the dots between how
your life has turned out and the cause behind it.
But that's what I do, and that's why the book
(16:20):
is so helpful in connecting those dots. Is the other
question I believe, So yes, please go ahead.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yeah, this is actually a question that may kind of
tie into what I mean. It's kind of the whole
topic tonight, but might tie in what you're talking about.
And we'd love to have you call in three two
three five two four two five ninet nine because doctor
Judy might be able to help you trace, because they said,
can you help me trace where my most limited core
belief came from?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Would you be willing to call in?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I hope so, so give us a call, or give
doctor Judy a call. She'd love to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Yeah, that would be ideal if you could please call
in and then we could trace it and I'll keep
you anonymous. You can obviously use another name. You don't
have to say your name and where you're from, and
you know, it's nice to just at least make one
up so I can call you by a particular name.
But you know, this is a connect the dots system.
(17:18):
It's not like in isolation. Okay, you don't smoke in
isolation from childhood wounds or drink in isolation of childhood wounds,
or pick horrible relationships in isolation of the blueprint, which
is the blueprint, that is the blueprint of childhood wounds. Okay,
(17:40):
so everything is connected, Everything is interconnected. So what I
teach people is to live a better game of life,
because there are ways of living life that are going
to evolve you. And of course, there are ways of
living your life that are going to devolve you. When
(18:03):
you live unconsciously, usually you devolve because you don't know
what the heck you're doing and why. And if you
live consciously, you have more conscious choices in front of you,
and you can actually enlighten yourself by knowing truth and
speaking of truth. I believe that this whole mind map
(18:26):
is about exposing lies so that you can live in
the truth and function in the truth. So let's go
back to the topic of why is it why? I mean,
this is a pretty deep question. Why is it that
you're living out your worst nightmare, which is all of
(18:47):
the core beliefs that your mother and your father programmed
into you. So if your mother told you were that
and ugly and stupid and a loser and unlovable, it
wouldn't surprise me if now you're that and stupid and
unlovable and so on, not because you really are intrinsically,
(19:10):
it's because you've lost faith in yourself and you've believed
everything that your parents have programmed into you, and so
now you live that life. And there's another reason why,
which we'll go deeper into. But can you all see
that if you call a kid stupid and incompetent, do
(19:31):
you know that it interferes with their thinking? Do you
know that they may lose motivation to study, They may
lose motivation to even go on for with higher levels
of education because they don't believe that they're smart enough
to do it. So, in other words, they're discouraged even
(19:52):
before they start. So then what happens is they do
let's say the mind map program, and they figured out
that it's all been a lie anyway. But then they say,
you have a doctor, Judy. You know, I think my
parents were right. I am kind of stupid, I am
kind of a loser. Not that many people are liking me,
(20:15):
and not none of them find me lovable at all,
So maybe they had a point. So I ask you
which comes first, the chicken or the egg, is it
that you really are that ugly, a loser, unlovable? And
I can go on and on, and I don't mean
to be hurtful in this, but I'm making the point
that these seriously horrible core beliefs that are programmed into
(20:41):
live out through you. So it's sort of like this.
It's a from through too system, So from your parents,
and this is multi generational, so it's from their parents
to your parents, from their parents' parents and parents parents'
parents through all the way to your parents to you.
(21:04):
So from and then it goes through you like a
bad infection, and then to the manifestation of who you
are and how you are. And so this is where
the loop gets really really stuck, because you look in
the mirror and all of a sudden you become the
(21:25):
living proof of all of the core beliefs that were
programmed into you, and then you absolutely believe these things.
They get double reinforcement here. So why would parents even
do such a thing. Well, usually they do it because
it's been done to them. So that's what I mean
(21:46):
by the repetition principle. And if anyone wants to call in,
I can trace it so that you can actually see
how this goes down wounds of childhood, the reaction, the encoding,
and then out of the encoding comes life. And what
happens in life not good things. If you look at
(22:08):
panel number four, five six, not too pleasant. So what
do we see there? We've got chaos because you weren't
set up right. So now you're in financial chaos, relationship chaos.
Maybe your health is failing you. Maybe you've been overeating
and your blood sugar is too high, or your your
(22:30):
unhealthy liver functions and kidney functions. So now you've made
a chaotic mess of your life because you've been encoded improperly, unsustainably,
and dangerously, and by dangerously meaning that this is life threatening.
(22:50):
So if you've been encoded dangerously, what happens is that
you don't like how you're feeling. You don't like what
you're thinking about yourself, you don't like how people are
treating you. You don't like the way you look, you
don't like the way you think, you don't like your anything.
So then what happens is you defend, because who wants
(23:13):
to be in pain? So now you get into what
I call defense mechanisms. And this is where it gets deadly. Okay,
So now you overeat to numb the pain. You smoke
to numb the pain, you drink to numb the pain,
you cheat to numb the pain. You do anything to
(23:35):
numb the pain. And this doesn't really work out very
well for you because it may temporarily numb the pain.
But is it evolving you? Absolutely not. As a matter
of fact, the more and more you defend yourself in
such unhealthy ways, the harder you break down. And if
(23:56):
you look at panel number six, you'll see that panel
number six is the breakdown panel. This is when you've
had enough and life is not working at all. It's
actually breaking down on you. And this is where you
may feel suicidal. You may feel homicidal, You may feel
(24:17):
deeply depressed and shut down. You may be on a
version or going through a clash of a divorce or
something radical. Okay, and why is this happening? So now
you've really become living proof of your negative core beliefs.
(24:39):
So when people say to you, oh, I just want
you to use affirmations to cancel all of these negative
core beliefs. So then you try that, You look in
the mirror, you say, I am beautiful, I am beautiful,
I'm smart, I'm deserving, I'm lovable. Do you think that's
(24:59):
good work? I joke about affirmations. I really do, because
there's no way an affirmation is going to be believable
when your very parents or primary caretakers have infiltrated into
your mind and programmed you to think otherwise. So do
(25:20):
you think your voice is going to count when your
parents are telling you that you're a loser and you
tell yourself that you're a winner? You really think that
affirmation is going to penetrate and convince you? I think
we have another question, Please go ahead.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Yes, So this seems pretty personal here. It says, is
it really possible possible to become someone new? Someone free
from the fear, shame, or criticism I grew up with?
Speaker 1 (25:51):
So I'm going to answer it this way. It's really
possible to see the truth, okay, And when you see
the truth, you can't unsee the truth. When you have
bought into the lie, and you believe deeply in the lie,
you will live the lie. When we dismantle the chokehold
(26:13):
it has on you and your life, then it releases
and you can start to re process and reprogram and recode.
So one of the things that I want you to
do is I'm revamping my website into a two processed
mind map. Process one is decode your past, which is
(26:33):
the original mind map, and then part two is going
to be recode your future. So do you think you
could recode your future when you have massive negative core
beliefs and obstacles that trip you up and don't allow
(26:54):
you to grow and don't allow you to progress because
they're blockages, there's no way. So part one, let's clear
the blockages and part two, now the road is clear,
and now you can be the cause. And this is
a very important point. Part one, you're at the effect.
You're just a baby. That's how you start. You're just
(27:18):
programmed by your parents and society and culture and so on,
and so the outcome of your life is based on
your programming. Once you undo it and you release the
chokehold of the lies, then you can reestablish a blank
slate state. So it's sort of like a big messy
(27:45):
Let's say your window is all smeared up with grease
and dirt and you can't see through the window. You've
got to clear the slate. You've got to clean the
slate so that you can reboot the system. Think of
a computer. If you've been programming your computer a certain way,
then it's going to give you results that are not
(28:06):
accurate and distorted, and if you rely on those results,
then you're not going to be able to function very well.
Same thing with you. If you rely on the encodings
that were set into your psyche by your family of
origin and they weren't healthy encodings, you're going to be
(28:27):
in chaos. You're going to try to defend. Eventually it's
going to break down. So any questions so far, does
anybody want to call in?
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Well, we would love to have you call in three
two three five two four two five nine nine. I
think doctor Judy is answered questions. So people are now
are like, I don't want to call in. So, like
you said, you can be anonymous. You don't have to
give us your name, and but Jess, we'd love to
hear from you. There is another question, why is it so.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Hard answering questions and have them call in?
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I know, right, I'll.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Take the question. I'm such a softy maid.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
You are you're getting soft?
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Okay, go ahead with the question why?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
And I think we kind of answered this a little earlier,
But why is it so hard? And I'd like to
comment on something about myself after this one? Why is
it so hard to believe something good about myself? When
for years I've made my maid, I was made to
feel I wasn't good enough.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Okay, now we're going to get into part two of
the why great question? Why is it that it's so
hard for you to believe the good of yourself? Pretty much? Yeah,
you've been dead a bunch of lies and distortions from
your parents. And number one I'll point back to because
(29:56):
now you turned out that way? Why because you leaved
it to be so and you manifested what you believed
to be so. So if your parents said you were
a loser, now you really are living proof of being
a loser because you didn't believe in yourself, because your
parents didn't give you the confidence to believe in yourself. Okay,
(30:19):
does that make sense on that level?
Speaker 2 (30:22):
It does to me.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
That's it, you count, Tony, because you call in, I.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Call into you.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
Right, it's reversed. Okay, So now we're going to go
into the deep psychology stuff. Okay, So why is it
that parental voices win over our voices. So some of
it is obvious. We look up to our parents. Our
parents are our gods, They are our creators. There are blueprints.
(30:56):
You know the show in the Day. I'm sure most
of you have not watched it. I'm dating myself. Father
knows best. It's like mother knows best, father knows best,
but you don't know best because you're too stupid and
young and immature and naive and all of that to
know best. So you count on the wisdom of your parents,
(31:20):
even if they don't have much of it at all. Okay,
now we're going to go deeper. Why why? Why? Why?
So I'm going to go back to what Alice Miller says,
which is that a child would rather be a bad
child in a good world. So it's better if the
(31:40):
child is wrong and the parent is right. Why is
that the case? Because imagine if you knew early on
that your parents were a bunch of liars and abusers
and they didn't know what the hell they were doing.
How unsafe would you feel in that world? So isn't
it better to reverse it and think that you're wrong,
(32:04):
that you're bad, that you're faulty, and your parents are perfect. Okay,
So that's the deeper part of this. Why is that
you would rather protect your parents over knowing the truth. Okay,
because if it turns out that you're not stupid and
(32:27):
not bad and not ugly, after you've dumped the old programming,
then we've got a problem. Now you've got to confront
the very thing that most people don't want to confront
is their anger and resentment and bitterness against their own
parents that fell fed them all of these lies. And
(32:49):
who wants to do that? And that's why we have
so many people who eventually will leave a narcissistic family,
which you know, sometimes you have to do it my
first go to but you know, sometimes it's just too
much and you've got to fly the fly the coop,
so to speak. So the real reason is that we
(33:12):
do not want to throw our parents under the bus.
It's not safe. They are our caregivers. They are they
are the key to the hostage situation. If we're nice
to them, they'll hopefully change, which of course they never do.
If we're nice to them, hopefully we'll win their love,
(33:34):
which if they're not able to love, it's that could
be possible. Okay, if we're nice to them, maybe they'll
stop hitting us or yelling at us, which is unlikely
because remember, they've been programmed that way as well. Okay,
So is this beginning to make sense to you that
(33:55):
you would rather throw yourself under the bus than admit
that your parents did not do a very great job
of parenting if you're now manifesting the worst of the
worst of you. Okay, And nobody wants to throw their
parents under the bus, especially when they're under the influence
(34:20):
and control of their parents. So parents control in many
many ways. They may control you by money. They may
control you by waving inheritance, which is controlled by money.
They may control you by withholding love and favoring another
sibling over you and create jealousy. There are lots of
(34:44):
ways to control your children, and if you're not aware
of manipulative strategies that parents use to control their children,
then you'll miss it because you'll be living in this
unconscious world where strings are being pulled and deals are
(35:05):
unconsciously being had, And there you are trying to be
the good kid, hopefully in a good world. But if
it's not a good world, it's easier and safer for
you to be the bad one rather than the good one.
And this comes out in fairy tales. So isn't it
(35:28):
easier to think that your mother and your father is
not the wicked witch of the west? I mean, imagine
if you've found out that they were the wicked witches
and warlocks of the West, and that they were out
to get you, and they lived on putting you down
and lived on making sure that your life was worse
(35:50):
than theirs because they were riddled with jealousy. That would
not be a very safe world, and you would not
want to live in that world. So it's better if
you turn it against your self. And I'll say that again,
it's easier for a kid to turn against the self
(36:12):
than it is to turn against the parent. And if
they do turn against the parent, that's not very good
news either because they'll probably be slapped down or punished
or worse ignored. So there are real consequences to be
in a system, being in a system gone wrong where
(36:35):
the parents are the directors of the outcome of your life.
So you can see that in that system, you are
not the cause, and you have to preserve the parent
at the cost of your self. So that's why you're
not developing a self because you're living to please them.
(36:55):
You're walking on eggshells, you're jumping through hoops, You're making
sure that you're as safe as possible by complying, even
if it means that you have to think of yourself
as incompetent, unlovable, and all of those horrible beliefs that
you carry around. Better in the child's mind to think
(37:18):
of yourself that way than to think that your parents
are abusive, narcissistic withholding lacking empathy, which is the definition
of narcissism. So that's not a very okay system to
live in. So better better that you be the bad one. Okay.
(37:39):
I think Alice Miller came up with a brilliant ex
explanation on this, and so I want to bring it
forward and tell you the real why. Why have you
become a living proof of your core beliefs, your negative
core beliefs, to protect your parents, to make sure that
(38:05):
they are not the cause, that you're the cause. You're
the cause of your bad life. You're the cause. And
I'm not saying that you're not responsible for your life.
But that's where therapy comes in. Therapy is the most
responsible thing you can do, because once you find out
that you're living a life that's destructive and that's going
(38:28):
into chaos, defenses and breakdowns, now it's upon you to
fix it. Nobody's going to fix it for you. Chances
are your parents are not going to have some kind
of epiphany and apologize and give you money to go
to therapy to heal the wounds that they've created. It's
not happening. I mean, once in a blue moon, I
(38:48):
see that, but not very often. Any comments so far,
are you guys getting why you become living proof?
Speaker 2 (39:00):
People are saying for sure that this makes sense, they're
going to try some stuff. But I did want to,
if you don't mind, make a comment about something, because
when I was in my twenties, well teens, twenties, even
the early thirties, I, Tony, what do you mean, Well,
I'm only twenty two, but no, I went through a
(39:25):
many years period because I was diagnosed with add but
not until my early twenties, and it kind of made sense.
But I went through many years of feeling dumb, stupid.
I didn't have people calling me that, but I felt
that way. But I did realize once my mother passed
(39:46):
away that when I've kind of found my footing of
not have to deal with her illnesses and issues that
I could focus on me. But when I got started
recreating my core beliefs that I started losing friends and
I started losing family members that just were not fitting
(40:10):
into this new me.
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Yes, and they will will slowly abandon it because not
only are they not only are you not wanting to
throw your parents under the bus, they don't want to
throw your parents under the bus either. Okay, so better
you be the one that they kick to the curb
rather than say that your mother, God forbid, or your father,
(40:36):
God forbid, didn't do a great job of parenting. And
I want to visit this issue of ADD. Now I'm
not a geneticist, but I don't know if there's a
true marker for ADD and my personal observation having sat
in this chair for way too long, but I still love it,
(40:58):
So I can't say that really is that ADD is
a symptom of childhood wounds symptom. Okay, so if you
ignore your child, if you don't mirror your child properly,
if you call your child stupid, or even you don't
(41:20):
even have to use the word, just look at them
as they were stupid. Then what happens is that the
brain shuts down and cannot think. So one of the
things that I like to do, I mean, I don't
love to do it, but I'll do it for proving
a point is maybe a child in my office will say, oh,
(41:43):
Doctor Judy, I think I'm really, really, really dumb. I
have add I'm in a special school for it. And
then I'll say something like, you know, Mary, I'm a psychologist, right,
and I'm sure you understand that I could tell if
you're stupid or not stupid, just you know, I could
kind of tell just by looking at you. So what
(42:04):
am I doing there? I'm using my authority, right and
my position. So I'll say, Mary, I hate to tell
you this, but I've been observing you, and you're really
really stupid. And by the way, how much is nine
times seven? And they'll trip up on the answer. They'll
trip up on it. Some people will trip up on it.
(42:25):
If I say four times three, they might trip up
on it. But if the narrative is different. You know, Mary,
you're not stupid at all. I've been watching you. You
are one of the brightest little girls that have ever
walked into this room. I could just tell by the
way you talk, the way you express yourself, and the
(42:47):
school system got it all wrong. How much is nine
times eight? They'll get it right for the most part.
Why because when you flood somebody's brain with a belief
in them, even a little bit of a belief in them,
it clears up their thinking. When you put them down,
(43:10):
it messes up your thinking. So then they'll stick a
label on you add Oh wow, poor Tony's got add
And now Tony has to go to a special school
and get special skills for his add And what's really
going on Probably a mess at home. I don't know
(43:32):
what the mess is, but there's a mess at home.
And until you get down to the cause, your symptoms
are going to be held against you. So nobody will say, wow, Tony,
you know, I understand that we haven't been functioning very
well as parents, and so I know it messed up
your thinking. And now we take responsibility for the fact
(43:56):
that you feel stupid and alone and unable to solve
problems on your own. And yeah, we understand that all
the yelling and the screaming and abuse and neglect have
contributed to your poor thinking. How many parents.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Do that, I'm sure a lot.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Yeah, But how many parents admit that it was their
cause that did that? Oh?
Speaker 2 (44:23):
Not very many.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
No, No, I don't know any parents that say, you know,
but I teach parents to do that to reverse the
damage that they have inflicted on their children, and beautiful
things come of of it, Like I have one patient today,
without breaking confidentiality, of course, whose daughter is now recognizing
(44:48):
that mommy has a dark side and a healthy side.
That's pretty cool, isn't it. And the mom is saying, yes,
my dear, I do, and I'm wrestling it with it.
And sometime times when mommy gets mean to you, it's
not your fault. It's because mommy is not in a
good place. Okay. Do you know how healing that is
(45:08):
to a kid? You know how healing it would have
been to you, Tony if your parents would have said,
you know, Tony, we've been thinking about the atmosphere that
we've created for you and has been pretty atrocious. And
I now understand, We understand why you're feeling stupid and
not able to concentrate really well, and we're going to
(45:29):
clean up the cause, meaning the atmosphere at home. We're
going to work on our marriage. We're going to work
on the family system. We're going to give you support,
and we're going to really manage our side of it
and take the onus off of you and not label
you as the symptom bearer of our problems, because that's
(45:49):
really happening.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
And I mean, it does make sense because, like I said,
they never called me stupid. But one thing that my
mother I wish you wouldn't have done, but she did.
She used to do homework my homework for me because
I was not doing it or getting it understanding it.
Instead of getting me a tutor or you know, she
(46:14):
would just do it for me and then I would
turn it in And so I felt like that definitely
did not help me.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Later, Wait, what's the message. The first message is you're
not smart enough to do it yourself, exactly. She didn't
get down to why is my son having a hard
time concentrating?
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Yeah, well there was a lot of chaos for sure
in the house.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
But that'll do it. Okay, that'll do it. So unless
the cause is addressed, then the add is just a
symptom of a system gone wrong. Either abuse or neglect
of some form is going on, and the kid is
feeling it and become symptomatic, and then the symptom becomes
(47:01):
the family problem, as opposed to the family problem being
the cause of the symptom. Do you see that?
Speaker 2 (47:10):
And I see that now even with my nieces and nephews, well,
one niece in particular, she has two daughters, and hopefully
she doesn't hear this, but one is the oh, my
beautiful girl, my sweet, smart girl, and the other one
is you're a bad girl. You know, you're nothing but trouble.
(47:33):
And so I can already see that that's going to
create the mentality of I'm dumb, I'm a troublemaker.
Speaker 1 (47:42):
I'm absolutely, absolutely so. There's nothing more powerful than a
parent who knows how to own there. Are you still there?
Speaker 2 (47:50):
I'm here, Oh, nothing.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
More powerful than a parent who knows how to own
their own stuff. Once you own your own stuff, it
takes onus off of your child that burden that they're bad,
that their fault, that they're symptomatic just out of thin
air because they're stupid or something's wrong with their brain
(48:13):
or something like that. You know. And I'm not saying
that there aren't cases where there's organicity. One of the
first things that we're taught in school is to rule
out organicity. So certainly if there's a brain dysfunction or
a tumor or some sort of genetic something that you
can actually put your hands on, well you know that
(48:35):
counts for a lot. However, most of it is abuse
and neglect. It really has that level of impact on
the human psyche.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
Well hopefully. Like I said, even somebody in chat room says,
almost every day I was told I was stupid and
there was something wrong with my brain. Again, that goes
back to like my niece saying something, it's even though
I put it as when I was a heavy kid teenager,
(49:11):
but even though I lost the weight, even at fifty six,
sometimes I still feel like that fat kids. It's the
I think the mentality sometimes still creeps in. If somebody
questions me or questions my that's that's.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
That's correct, because even though you might change the thinking, okay,
not paradigm shifting out of it, all you're doing is
doing something like losing weight or get plastic surgery. And
you know, I have talked to several plastic surgeons who
have said that even after they've done the procedure, the
(49:53):
patient still has body dysmorph me. I'll see their ears
is too big, where their nose is too big, or
their stomach is too fat. It doesn't you know. That
stuff goes deep in there, and until you identify the lie,
you're going to identify with the lie. And if you've
(50:14):
already identified with the lie, you've become symptomatic. Right, So
it's this vicious loop and somebody's got to get in
there and bust the system. And I really enjoy doing that.
So you know, this is my gain, busting the lies,
busting the psychopathology, and helping people to get out of
(50:37):
psychological prison so that they could be the cause of
better outcomes for their own life and not have to
be at the effect of their parents' programming. That's when
my map two comes into place, So if you would
be so kind as to put that up. So once
we have cleared away all the garbage, right, and paradigm
(50:59):
shifted panels seven, eight, and nine and started the recoding process,
that's where we start cleaning up, and then we're able
to move into goals and reprogramming and recoding, which is
mind map your Future. So we do a little bit
(51:22):
of that in mind Map one, but then let's say
the person says, Okay, now I'm ready to go back
to school and really manifest the best of my best.
So that's where the coaching would come in. And Doctor Perry,
somebody very near and dear to me who I personally
(51:42):
trained at the Psychological Healing Center and have kept in
touch with, came up with a new template of imagery
using the original mind map design. But now we've got
new images, and he and I put together mind Map
(52:03):
your Future. So although he's a life coach and a PhD,
he really specializes and is excellent at moving people forward
into their future. So if you would put a picture
of that up, if you have it, mind Map your Future.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
Let's see right there.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Yeah, thank you. So look, you know, how can you
have vision when you have shadows and wounds? You know
your vision is blocked. How can you have goals when
your goals are thwarted? How could you you know? How
can you have the strengths when your parents have taken
away your strength and told you that you're nothing? How
(52:50):
can you have the having resources? You don't feel that
you have resources because your resources were supposed to be
your parents, and they weren't very good resources. So how
can you have challenges? Well, everything seems like an obstacle.
There's no energy to climb the mountain and meet the challenges.
(53:11):
How can you have solutions? Everything looks bleak, everything is
breaking down. Okay, So until you've done part one mind
map your childhood wounds, decode your past, you can't really
recode fully your future because there's too many blockages. So
(53:33):
I say, if you've suffered from narcissistic abuse and childhood
neglect and injuries, anything that I mentioned, sexual abuse, verbal abuse,
physical abuse, neglect, smothering, controlling, narcissistic, unempathic parents, do the work.
Do the work. It's ten sessions. And I also made
(53:55):
a video called Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. And if you
don't want to spend money on therapy, buy the video.
It's not that expensive. Go to my website, grab the video.
If you need a little help from us, we can
help to process the journey that you would basically be
taking through the Healing from Narcissistic Abuse journey. And then
(54:18):
once you're complete with that, then you can really delve
into your vision, your goals, your solution. Okay, now you're
really ready to tackle recoding your past, because now you
no longer have to think of your parents as the
(54:39):
boss of your thoughts and the boss of your life
and the boss of your blueprints. Now you are blueprinting
your own life. And that's very challenging because you'll slip
back into feeling stupid or feeling like a failure, or
feeling like you're not good enough, and then you'll think, well,
how am I going to get back out of that mess?
(55:00):
I really just not good enough. Well, then you remember
the work you did and the first mind map thing,
and you remember it was a lie, and that what
you're doing again is you are living proof of the
old encoding, and you remind yourself of that, and you say,
I'm not buying it and not identifying with it. I'm
(55:22):
identifying the problem, which is the old encoding. Okay, So
I want you to keep these in mind, and please
do reach out to me at the Psychological Healing Center
and we could get you started on your journey of
healing from narcissistic and childhood wounds and then hand you
over to doctor Perry, who happens to be a really
(55:46):
really motivated and motivating and he's a very very sharp
life coach. And he is excellent at manifesting the best
of the best in people. So thank you so much
for calling in to be in touch. And remember that
you are not your past. You are not the cause
(56:09):
of the outcome of your past life. However, you've got
to dismantle all the garbage so that you could be
the cause of better outcomes for part two of your life.
Good Night everyone,
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