Why Resolutions Fail with Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps

We often put off changes and schedule them to start on January 1st. Many of these idealistic resolutions fail shortly after beginning, so it is important to be thoughtful when planning so that you can set yourself up for success.

Today’s guest is Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps. Leslie is a noted psychologist who authored a number of books, including Insecure in Love, The Insecure in Love Workbook, and Bouncing Back from Rejection. She writes the Authentically You Blog and the Psychology Today Making Change Blog. Additionally, she is a national speaker and hosts a YouTube channel.

Show Notes:

• [1:00] - Leslie describes what she does in her career as a psychologist and author.
• [2:32] - Throughout her work, Leslie continued to go back to the question, “What makes it so hard for some people to change?”
• [5:47] - There’s nothing wrong with New Year's Resolutions. But waiting to start making a change till a specific day is not effective.
• [7:02] - You can feel good about yourself and recognize that change is good to move towards.
• [8:23] - When people are insecurely attached, they have a negative sense of self. What is driving them forward is negativity.
• [9:58] - It takes a lot of work to be able to be compassionate with yourself.
• [11:49] - Leslie discusses some small changes she made for herself that allowed her to be consistent.
• [15:04] - Leslie explains the Michelangelo Effect.
• [17:47] - Relationships you are in have an impact on your self-esteem.
• [19:02] - Just because it feels true, doesn’t mean it is true.
• [20:17] - Adding in the word “yet” gives us an idea of a future that will be different.
• [21:24] - Setbacks will happen, but they are not failures.
• [24:18] - You have to be persistent in making changes you want to make.
• [26:47] - If you can’t seem to make a change, you have to get into the micro parts of yourself and find out why.
• [28:32] - Leslie suggests making different levels of goals.
• [30:15] - Prepare yourself for good days and bad days. How can you support yourself on a down day?
• [33:10] - When you are having really good days, you can clearly remember the days you struggle. Write a letter to your future self on a down day.

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