October 3, 2024 • 28 mins
In this episode, Sami sits down with Dr. Cindy Starke, a medical professional who has taken an unconventional path to find fulfillment. Cindy shares her powerful story of overcoming a challenging childhood, sexual abuse, and family struggles to pursue her education and build a successful career. But her journey didn’t stop there.
In this episode we discuss
- Cindy’s inspiring story of resilience and determination
- How she used education as a way to break free from her family’s circumstances
- The challenges she faced in leaving a stable medical career for entrepreneurship
- Cindy’s passion for supporting healthcare workers and the tools she uses to help them
- Practical advice for aspiring entrepreneurs on taking the first steps towards their goals
Want to skip ahead?
[20:38] Be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid of the negative emotions
[24:19] Carve out dedicated time and minimize distractions to maximize your productivity.
[24:19] Create a brain dump of all the steps you need to take, then be brutally honest with your calendar.
[26:03] Start small and keep at it – even 15 minutes a week can build momentum.
[26:03] Get support and accountability from a friend who cares about you.
Resources
Be sure to connect with Cindy Starke at drcindystarke.com
Grab more resources at https://easystylewithsami.com
Follow us on Facebook at https://facebook.com/ssmulhern
Follow us on Instagram at https://instagram.com/ssmulhern
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (00:00):
Welcome to Easy style with Sami. I'm your
(00:02):
host. Sami Bedell-Mulhern, eachepisode, I invite a friend,
family member, colleague or justsomeone I've met on this journey
called life, to come and sharetheir personal style and
approach to business, parenting,life and everything in between.
You'll hear motivational andinspirational stories that will
help you refine and build yourown personal style. Remember,
(00:25):
style is easy when it comes fromwithin.
Hi there and welcome to anotherepisode. I do want to just put
do a quick trigger warning herefor you. This episode does talk
a little bit about addiction andsexual abuse, so I just want to
put that out there in casethat's something that you would
prefer not to listen to you andyou're not surprised, but it's a
great episode, so please give ita listen.
(00:48):
Hey friends, please join metoday in welcoming my guest,
Cindy Starke. Cindy, thanks forbeing here today.
Cindy Starke (00:55):
Thank you so much. I really appreciate this
opportunity to talk to you.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (01:01):
Yeah, well, and I always kind of start off
with how I know my guests, andthis time is a little bit
different, because Cindy and Ihave actually never met, so we
connected to talk about beingguests on podcasts, and I just
love kind of her intro and thestory, and so I'm excited to
hear your journey and your storyand learn alongside our
(01:21):
listeners here. So Cindy, I'dlove for you to just kind of
tell us a little bit about yourbackground, who you are, what
you do, all the good stuff.
Cindy Starke (01:29):
Okay, yes. Um, so I think I'm the only doctor that
I've ever met that went intomedicine the way that I went
into medicine, and it wasthrough, you know, a series of
unfortunate events when I was achild, but I am from a family,
not of doctors, my my mom andevery other woman in her life
(01:51):
are hairdressers, and my dad andevery other man in his life and
family were like electricians orfarmers or gardeners or just
Just just really, like salt ofthe earth kind of people. And my
brother had something terriblehappened to him when he was
younger, and to escape that, heturned to drugs and alcohol, and
(02:16):
I kind of was sheltered fromthat. It I knew there was some
tension in the house, but Inever really understood why it
happened, why, what? What hadcaused it. And then my brother
started hanging around withother boys that did drugs and
alcohol, and I was the baby ofthe family, so I'm 14, and
here's my brother and all hisfriends at 19. And then I had a
(02:36):
sister who was 18, but she wasalways off at her boyfriend's
house, and my mom and dadthought it would be a great time
with little Cindy by herself at14, and a bunch of drunk and
stoned and high 19 year old boysto go spend a lot of their
evenings up the street atfriends' houses. And, you know,
I can't go back and wonder whythey did that, why they made
(02:57):
that decision. And my brotherwould have parties. And to add
insult to injury, sometimes, notonly would there be parties in
my house and I was there, kindof just very vulnerable as a
young girl going throughpuberty, but also they had, some
of them had been kicked out oftheir house, and so they lived
(03:18):
with us. And so it was just alltoo familiar.
Everybody was too familiar witheach other, too comfortable with
each other in my house, and Iwould find that these young men,
I don't know who they were,because it was in the middle of
the night and it was pitchblack, but they would find their
way into my bedroom when I wasasleep, and they would explore
(03:38):
my body with thank God, onlytheir hands, but still, things
they did not need to be doing tomy body with their hands. And I
could not speak up Sami. I couldnot tell my mom and dad what was
happening. I thought my brotherhad gotten into enough trouble
as it was. I didn't want to bethe source of my dad getting mad
anymore, so I just shoved it,stuffed it, shoved it at like it
(04:02):
didn't happen, and just said tomyself, without telling anybody,
I'm going to get us the far ofthe crap away from this family
and this house and my brother,because he had that failure to
launch thing going on, where theolder he got, the more he just
kept living at home. My sistergrew up and got married and was
Jean like out of there, likeRoad Runner so fast. My brother
(04:25):
just stayed there. And it was sothis 14 year old me, 19 year old
brother, and he just wouldn'tleave, and he just brought in
just a lot of problems. And so Ikind of was the first person to
go to college, but, that I wentoff to college and and I was
just bound and determined tonever go back to to their way of
(04:46):
being and kind of I wasn't. Ididn't want to be like them. And
so I said, Well, I know onething they're not doing in this
house and this family I got borninto. No one seems like they're
getting educated. So so theythey're good.
People don't get me wrong, butjust made some bad decisions.
And so I went to medical school,and then I went to graduate
school, and I've been a doctorfor 30 years, and no one else
(05:11):
has ever hurt me. Knock on wood,I've protected myself really
well, and no one ever hurt mydaughter. Have a 21 and a 19
year old son and daughter. Noone ever hurt them, too, and I
just kind of at the time, and wecan get more into my story
later, but at the time, I justsaid, I'm going to make it my
mission on this earth, becauseof what happened to me, it's not
(05:33):
going to happen to my daughter.And so I was very, very
protective. I was like girl intoGirl Scouts, the Boy Scouts. I
just protected. I was aprotector of children when I was
a mom, when I was a mom oflittle ones, and so that's kind
of my story, and how I ended uphere, even though it's through a
sad turn of events, well. And
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (05:51):
yeah, well, I'm so sorry that that that is
your experience, and you know,and I love how you've turned it
into a positive framework foryourself and how you kind of
move through the world. But howdo you because I think it goes
either one of two directions,right? Either you fall into the
same cycle or you pull yourselfout of it. But I'm always
interested in learning, like,what do you think it was about
(06:15):
you, or was there someone or,like, how were you able to kind
of make that decision whennobody else is modeling that for
you. Like, how did you know thateducation was going to be kind
of your path out and that thiswas your way of, kind of making
a different story?
Cindy Starke (06:29):
You know, I will, I will just tell you how it
happened. I'm not telling youthat I had this thought in my
brain to go and do this. But,like, looking back, I wanted the
same thing all the time becausemy sister tried to go to dental
hygiene school, and it justdidn't last. My brother went to
heat in an air conditioningschool. He did graduate from
that. She became acosmetologist, you know,
(06:52):
couldn't cut hair. But I thinkwhat happened Sammy is that I
was I noticed in high school Iwas making straight A's, and I
was with three other so twoother people, so there were
three valedictorians, and thosetwo other kids went to college,
and just because college wasnothing, that was a Buckner
(07:14):
thing to do. I said, Well, gosh,if Andrew Beasley and Nicole
wells went to college and I'm avaledictorian with them. I
should go to college too. So Iasked my mom and dad for
permission to apply to college.
And you know what my mother toldme? She said she herself had
wanted to apply to college whenshe was my age, but her mom and
(07:35):
dad told her that they didn'thave enough money. And I'm like,
is she about to tell me that shedoesn't have enough money to
send me to college. Like,where's this conversation going?
And she said, and she said, Butyou know what? Because your
brother and your sister didn'tgo to college, we can afford to
take you? I said, okay, good,thank goodness, because that's
(07:55):
what everybody else that's assmart as me is doing, and I just
think that's what I need to do.And I was dating a guy at the
time. He ended up becoming thefather of my two children. But I
was dating a guy at the timewhere everybody in their family
went to college, and so Mr.Starke, you know, my father in
law, he told me that he justkind of like asked me, Where are
(08:16):
you going to go to college? Imean, he didn't even say, are
you going to go to college? Heassumed it was going to happen.
And so it just made my little 15year old brain, because that's
when I met, you know, his sonand and 15 year old brain
realized, wow, I don't even haveto decide, am I going to I get
to decide where am I going to.And all of his boys were going
to University of Georgia. So Ijust went to University of
(08:37):
Georgia too, and I got in. Andso, yeah, I think it was just
the valedictorian thing, andthen the boy I was dating his
father, just random people thatwere in my life at that time. It
was not a thought of my own. Iwould have never dreamed of it,
that it was impossible for me.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (08:56):
That's so interesting, but I still think,
to give you a little bit ofcredit, and granted I didn't, I
mean, I don't know you, so I'mjust pulling this out. But I
think also there is thatwillingness to accept that
advice that's being given toyou, yes, so I think that is
maybe just an inheritory in youthat is different than maybe
your siblings, and why you wereable to complete your schooling
(09:18):
and do what you've done, asopposed to kind of the other
side of that, because I think alot of times we have to be
willing to take the advice, likewe're scared to do what we know
is before us that nobody's everdone before. You had no idea
what that experience was goingto be like, or had anybody to
kind of help you walk throughthat. But there is part of your
personality that is still like,you know what? I'm willing to
(09:39):
take this risk. This seems likethe better option well, and I
feel like that carried youthrough multiple decisions in
your career, right?
Cindy Starke (09:48):
Yeah, absolutely I do. I don't know what to think
about astrology, because I'mnot. I don't know anything about
it, like I don't study it atall, but I keep attracting these
people into my orbit, and I.Hear things that they say, or
they'll tell me to download thisapp, or they'll do my chart
design readout or whatever. AndI have something I pronounce it
(10:11):
Uranus is some planet that's inmy you know, where the stars and
planets were on the moment I wasborn, and supposedly that is
this major force of independenceand breaking out of conformity
and kind of like, you know, justjust kind of being a
(10:31):
trailblazer. And so I would saythat has always been me, you
know, I I remember I wanted somemoney when I was Kali Sammy. I
think I was like, 12 or 13 yearsold, and I wanted some money to
buy something. I can't rememberwhat it was. I think I wanted to
buy Jordan's jeans and a GloriaVanderbilt shirt. And my mom and
dad didn't have enough money tobuy those. And so I said, I'm
(10:53):
going to start a business and tomake my money so I can buy what
I want to wear. And I went andlearned how to decorate cakes. I
went to a cake decorating store,took a little tiny class with
all these older women. They wereall in their 40s, and I was
literally 12 or 13, and Ilearned how to sell cakes. I
bought the ingredients for $1and I sold the cakes for $10 and
(11:15):
I got my jeans that I wanted.So, yeah, if there is something
in me that just where, ifthere's something I want, I'm
gonna get after it. And I knewone thing, I couldn't keep going
home to my brother's house, andI was not ready to get married.
And so I said, Well, I went twoways out of your parents house.
Is marriage or job? I wasn'tready to get a job. And so I
(11:35):
said, Okay, school, that soundsgreat, and it was just the best
decision, and it was scary,especially going to grad school
and medical school was evenscarier. But I felt I found
comfort in numbers, and therewas always a bunch of other
people around me doing the samething. So I just, I just kept at
it,
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (11:57):
okay, but let's fast forward, because you,
you know, you just said you'recomfortable in numbers and
groups, but you also mentionedyou've always had this kind of
trailblazing attitude. Socorrect me if I'm wrong, but you
quit your medical career tobecome an entrepreneur and do
something a little bitdifferent. So like, what kind of
(12:17):
brought that up? And how did youhave the kind of guts to leave
something behind that's, youknow, pretty stable and
prominent and, you know, a goodsign of success and all of that
stuff. Yeah,
Cindy Starke (12:31):
so I was in a relationship with my kid's dad,
and he was really into mekeeping that job as a doctor,
but I was, I got myself into abusiness class Sammy. It was
called clients on demand. It wasbased out of California, and
they were, I was surrounded byevery month there were, I think
(12:56):
100 think there was 100 of us,people that just had a lot of we
call ourselves, like the lightwarriors, people that just want
to bring light and love andhealing into the world, people
from real estate agents todoctors to, you know, everybody
in between, wanting to build anonline business course. And so I
(13:17):
was surrounded by so I joinedthat in late 2018, and I was
surrounded by people that hadmuch more of a lifestyle that I
wanted, which was, all you needis a laptop and an internet
connection and you can, like,make an impact on people's
lives. My kid's dad did not wantme to leave medicine. I really,
really wanted to and through, ayou know, it took me four years.
(13:42):
The pandemic really kind ofhelped to clarify and purify all
of that out of me, what I wasunhappy with. And I did, I did
have to leave my kid's dad to beable to break out because he was
so unsupportive. And then I hadthis clients on demand, like all
these people modeling thisother, this other business
model, and I was doing what theytold me to do. And then I stayed
(14:05):
in medicine. Even though Iretired, I stayed in only nine
days a month. I mean, I can worktwo days a month, or I can work
31 days a month. I I just, Ijust now I'm a 1099, employee,
instead of, like this full timew2 employee. And I, I I just
found some hospitals that wouldlove moonlighters, and so they
just let me work whatever shiftswork into my schedule. And it
(14:29):
but it really did. It took a lotof belief in myself. It took a
lot of being around otherentrepreneurs that were doing it
too, because even my mom and daddidn't believe that I could
replace that income or or havethe stability, but I've, it's
been such a good thing for me,because it satisfies that that
independent Trailblazer part ofme and I get to do a little bit
(14:51):
of both now.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (14:54):
Oh, that. So what is it that you're doing
now? How are you helping andsupporting people? Because
clearly, you know, going in. Tomedical practice, excuse me, and
supporting people like there's avery much giving back and caring
spirit about you. So kind of,what are you doing now to
support people?
Cindy Starke (15:12):
Yes, I'll tell you when I it happened more during
covid than anything else thatI've ever seen. But I started
looking around me, and I sawthat there were all of these men
and women that were taking careof patients, and we were doing
it without a lot of protection,like they would at the
(15:33):
beginning. They would give usone mask, and we had to wear it
for two weeks. We just they wererationing out everything that we
had to kind of keep us safe andprotected. And I noticed that
people were scared and peoplewere stressed and lonely and
unsupported. And I said, Who'staking care of the healthcare
workers? These healthcareworkers are taking care of all
(15:54):
these patients, but who's takingcare of us? And when I went
through my healing, and I wentthrough really, really deep
level of just, you know, Soulbearing, kind of healing, some
retreats, I hired an executivecoach. I ended up getting
certified in tools to help theother healthcare workers. That's
my main specialty, because, Imean, we're all in it together.
(16:17):
And I think I speak a languagewhere it's mostly healthcare
workers that seek me out astheir coach and healer, but I
run an ongoing subscription,kind of into a 12 week healing
container, where I help peoplerealize what might be holding
them back, what where they mightneed support, and I give them
(16:39):
accountability and and We're allin there together. We give each
other camaraderie. And yeah, sothat that's, that's what I do.
But then I you don't have to bea healthcare worker every I
think all of us have a unifyingthread, Sammy, where we're kind
of living lives of of quietdesperation. And a lot of people
are lonely and and misunderstoodright now. And so these tools
(17:04):
that I get certified in, whichis, it's called subconscious re
patterning, where you get rid ofthe limiting beliefs and you
build in empowering beliefs,they work on anybody but, but
that's just kind of who I'maround more than anybody else is
the healthcare workers. So,yeah, that's what I'm doing
right now on the side and andit's in this very fulfilling
(17:27):
that's my passion project. Likeyou said, This podcast was your
passion project.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (17:34):
Yeah, because I think, you know, it's
really interesting as we thinkabout our career paths and the
choices that we make. You know,you talked about your kids like
we have the same conversationswith our kids about, how do we
kind of encourage them to figureout their own journey and their
own path without maybelimitations necessarily? Um, but
(17:55):
I think we forget to do that forourselves, or we think like
we're at this space so like thisis where we should be in our
career, or this is where, like,what people are going to deem as
successful, and so I just loveyour story so much because it's,
it's, you know, yeah, I amsuccessful on paper, or I'm
doing great, but this isn'tfueling me. This isn't lighting
(18:15):
me up. This isn't my why, andI'm going to figure out a way to
kind of do it differently and doit on my own. So I guess, like,
would your advice be to people?Because it doesn't matter if
it's your career, if it'swhatever, would your advice be
to just kind of start to speaksome of the things that you're
excited about and kind of openyou up, and some of these
(18:39):
opportunities will maybe kind ofstart to find you, or you'll
start to have conversations.With people differently. That
will kind of lead you. Becausesometimes we don't know where
we're going. We just know thatthis isn't it? Yeah,
Cindy Starke (18:49):
I Well, I'll tell you. My best advice is to really
get honest with yourself, andkind of don't be afraid of the
negative emotions. I thinksometimes we're afraid of
uncovering some anger that mightbe underneath or some sadness,
and we think if we admit thatsomething isn't fulfilling us,
(19:11):
then what were we doing theselast 30 years? But like we we're
exactly where we need to beright now. You I couldn't have
broken out of full time medicineand realized that this other
piece in the and way of doing itwas so much more fulfilling to
me unless I had experienced 30years of being frustrated. I
(19:32):
wasn't frustrated the whole 30years. But you know, there you
have to let that contrast be inyour life. Sammy, you know you
can't just only act like the theemotions that you're allowed to
experience are happiness andpeace and contentment and
creativity. I mean, there's gotto be some darker, you know,
there's got to be that duality.And so I think if people can
(19:54):
spend some time with themselves,be really honest with
themselves, and then journalingis my favorite. Way I meditate,
and then a journal afterwards, Iwill get such clarity when I
meditate and be really quiet.You know, there's hurts music,
and there's like, it's this,it's kind of this, I don't even
know it's like, all kinds ofdifferent hurts. You can find
(20:16):
them on Spotify or YouTube, andit kind of gets you into a
relaxed state. And if you canjust kind of meditate in silence
and just listen to yourbreathing and then that music,
and just think about what it isthat you're experiencing right
now in your life, and then giveyourself some time to journal,
some things will come out,because it kind of connects you
to your subconscious mind, thewriting.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (20:38):
Yeah, no, that's so good. And I love
having that kind of meditatingis hard for me because I can't
sit in silence. I can't doanything in silence. I always
have to have noise going onaround me. So I love like, using
the rhythm of like, the music tolike, help you pull that
together. I think that that'sthat's interesting. I'll have to
(20:59):
do some more. Maybe I'll have togive meditation to try again.
Because, holy cow, I know forme, the biggest problem is
trying to do too many differentthings. So I have a lot of
ideas, but I have a hard timehoning in on like, if I have an
idea, I want to do it right now,and so that's where I'm always
trying to work on myself. Isthat okay? Like, how can we
(21:20):
what's going to make the biggestimpact on the clients that we
work with, or the people thatare listening to the podcast?
How can we focus and not do toomany things? So do you find that
to be a struggle for you too?Like, now that you're kind of
opening up this newentrepreneurial side of your
work and your life? Like, areyou finding it easy to focus and
really kind of support the workthat you're doing, or are you
(21:41):
now, like, kind of like apinball trying to come up with
all these other things thatyou're just excited. Oh,
Cindy Starke (21:46):
brain man. I mean, it is so hard, isn't it? Like
there's just so much, like, Iwant to do my posting, I want to
do my emails. I want to do myclient sales calls. I want to do
the meditations. Or I call themclearings, you know, where we
clear out the junk in oursubconscious mind. I want to do
it all myself. I want to be thegroup coaching, you know,
(22:09):
Administrator person. I justwant to do all of it, but I have
to hire a VA, because I cannotget into that monkey brain. And
then I have to be brutallyhonest with myself and batch it,
you know, by differentactivities, I'll say you only
(22:31):
have one hour to write yourpodcast, your not your podcast,
your email. So yesterday, like Igave myself only 15 minutes, I
had to write my email for thisweek, and I was having a really
hard time, just like you, beingin the silence. And so I went
for a walk, and I spoke it intomy phone, and then I, you know,
went into Google Docs and editedit this morning and sent it to
(22:51):
my VA. I said, I don't want tolook at it again. Send it out.
Here's the pictures and here'sthe email, because, but you have
to be like, I don't want to usethe word neurotic, because that
sounds negative, but like aninja. How about we'll say that
ninja, a ninja with your time,and you have to say, I'm only
going to get on social media forthis amount of time, or I'm only
(23:12):
going to work on that email forthis amount of time. Right now,
I'm working on another webinar,and I'm having that's really
hard for me to sit down andfocus to get those slides done.
So, yeah, you just I'm findingit harder and harder and harder,
so I just have to be like aninja at my schedule.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (23:34):
Yeah, for sure, the life of an
entrepreneur, right? Well,Cindy, you have an incredible
story. And I just love how like,even throughout all of it, like
you can really see thatcontinuity, continuity of
wanting to support people whilealso supporting yourself, not
just financially, butemotionally and in the things
(23:55):
that you love to do that let youup. So if somebody's listening
to this today, and they've justgot that nagging idea that's
been in the back of their headfor a long time, but they just
haven't taken action. Can youmaybe give that? Give them?
Like, you know, three steps,like, just start here. Like,
these are three things that youcan do today to maybe take one
step forward towards workingtowards that goal.
Cindy Starke (24:19):
Yeah. Well, I I think the best thing for people
to do is, number one, carve outsome time to do it okay and and
minimize distractions. My phoneis always on silent, always on
silent, except for when I'mworking with patients and and
(24:40):
get yourself, I mean, if youhave to use noise canceling
headphones, whatever you have todo to, like, get yourself into a
zone, so block out the time andmaximize your your your your
chances for success by turningoff the distractions and then
using the noise cancelingheadphones if you have to, and
then right out, I do a brain Iwould recommend they. Do a brain
dump of everything they want, sothat they'll take their end goal
(25:03):
at the bottom and then they'llwrite all the steps imaginable,
possible, that that would beneeding to be done to accomplish
that goal, and then get reallybrutally honest with your with
your calendar and your schedule.Don't be afraid of opening up.
Some people like don't like tolook in their checkbook
registry. Some people don't liketo look at their bills. I think
(25:26):
some people also don't likelooking at their calendar
because they know it'soverfilled. They know it's going
to be a failure, that it'simpossible to do all that they
want to do. But you just, youhave to be able to open it up
and look at it and be honestwith yourself, and just just
start with 15 minute incrementsof time. And even if you just
got one thing done for 15minutes once a week, then once
(25:47):
you do it once a week for a fewweeks, and do it, you know,
twice a week, and just startsmall and just keep at it. I and
get support the third the thirdthing, get some support and some
accountability from a friendthat cares about you.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (26:03):
Yeah, that is real good. Great, tangible
advice. I love that. Well,Cindy, so many good things. I
know we could probably talkforever and ever and ever. But
if people want to connect withyou, learn more about kind of
the work that you do, or just,you know, learn more about you
in general. How can they, howcan they do that? Yes,
Cindy Starke (26:25):
I say the one stop shop is always my website,
drcindystarke.com but, I mean, Iam on Instagram and Facebook
@CindyStarke, but at my website,it just has a real easy link for
all of those. And also there ondrcindystarke.com I have a link
that you can book a 15 minutecall with me. And I would love
(26:47):
to just talk to people and seeif there's anything that I can
help them out with. And if Ican't, I can, you know, refer
them to somebody else. And also,I have a 30 minute training
there that I did. It's a fewyears old. That's the one I'm
working on repeating. You know,I'm working on changing the
(27:08):
webinar right now, but there isone there that talks all about
what I do with the subconscious.And if it seems like a fit for
you, then just reach out to meand watch that training, and we
can get in touch with eachother.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (27:21):
I love that, and we will link up
everything in the show notes ateasy style with sammy.com/thirty
so you can grab all of thosethere. But Cindy, thank you so
much for joining us today.
Cindy Starke (27:36):
Thank you so much for having me and for this
opportunity to speak to yourlisteners, I really appreciate
this today.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (27:44):
Thank you. Thank you so much to Cindy for
joining me on this episode ofEasy Style with Sami. If you're
going through adversity, ifyou're going through struggles,
it's really just a greatreminder to do what you love,
care about what you're doing andfocus on what you really need,
(28:04):
and that's going to help younavigate through all of the
challenges that you're goingthrough now. And if Cindy can do
it, you can do it too. So makesure you check out the show
notes at easystylewithsami/29that's S A M, I make sure you
subscribe wherever you listen,so that you don't miss out on
any future episodes. Thank youso much for being a part of the
(28:25):
Easy Style with Sami community.I hope you will join us for our
next episode and make sure yougo to easystylewithsami.com we
publish blog posts and podcastepisodes every week so you can
check them out, get someresources built the life you
love, and have a great timedoing it. Thank you so much for
being here, and I will see youin the next one you.
Welcome to Easy style with Sami. I'm your
(00:02):
host. Sami Bedell-Mulhern, eachepisode, I invite a friend,
family member, colleague or justsomeone I've met on this journey
called life, to come and sharetheir personal style and
approach to business, parenting,life and everything in between.
You'll hear motivational andinspirational stories that will
help you refine and build yourown personal style. Remember,
(00:25):
style is easy when it comes fromwithin.
Hi there and welcome to anotherepisode. I do want to just put
do a quick trigger warning herefor you. This episode does talk
a little bit about addiction andsexual abuse, so I just want to
put that out there in casethat's something that you would
prefer not to listen to you andyou're not surprised, but it's a
great episode, so please give ita listen.
(00:48):
Hey friends, please join metoday in welcoming my guest,
Cindy Starke. Cindy, thanks forbeing here today.
Cindy Starke (00:55):
Thank you so much. I really appreciate this
opportunity to talk to you.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (01:01):
Yeah, well, and I always kind of start off
with how I know my guests, andthis time is a little bit
different, because Cindy and Ihave actually never met, so we
connected to talk about beingguests on podcasts, and I just
love kind of her intro and thestory, and so I'm excited to
hear your journey and your storyand learn alongside our
(01:21):
listeners here. So Cindy, I'dlove for you to just kind of
tell us a little bit about yourbackground, who you are, what
you do, all the good stuff.
Cindy Starke (01:29):
Okay, yes. Um, so I think I'm the only doctor that
I've ever met that went intomedicine the way that I went
into medicine, and it wasthrough, you know, a series of
unfortunate events when I was achild, but I am from a family,
not of doctors, my my mom andevery other woman in her life
(01:51):
are hairdressers, and my dad andevery other man in his life and
family were like electricians orfarmers or gardeners or just
Just just really, like salt ofthe earth kind of people. And my
brother had something terriblehappened to him when he was
younger, and to escape that, heturned to drugs and alcohol, and
(02:16):
I kind of was sheltered fromthat. It I knew there was some
tension in the house, but Inever really understood why it
happened, why, what? What hadcaused it. And then my brother
started hanging around withother boys that did drugs and
alcohol, and I was the baby ofthe family, so I'm 14, and
here's my brother and all hisfriends at 19. And then I had a
(02:36):
sister who was 18, but she wasalways off at her boyfriend's
house, and my mom and dadthought it would be a great time
with little Cindy by herself at14, and a bunch of drunk and
stoned and high 19 year old boysto go spend a lot of their
evenings up the street atfriends' houses. And, you know,
I can't go back and wonder whythey did that, why they made
(02:57):
that decision. And my brotherwould have parties. And to add
insult to injury, sometimes, notonly would there be parties in
my house and I was there, kindof just very vulnerable as a
young girl going throughpuberty, but also they had, some
of them had been kicked out oftheir house, and so they lived
(03:18):
with us. And so it was just alltoo familiar.
Everybody was too familiar witheach other, too comfortable with
each other in my house, and Iwould find that these young men,
I don't know who they were,because it was in the middle of
the night and it was pitchblack, but they would find their
way into my bedroom when I wasasleep, and they would explore
(03:38):
my body with thank God, onlytheir hands, but still, things
they did not need to be doing tomy body with their hands. And I
could not speak up Sami. I couldnot tell my mom and dad what was
happening. I thought my brotherhad gotten into enough trouble
as it was. I didn't want to bethe source of my dad getting mad
anymore, so I just shoved it,stuffed it, shoved it at like it
(04:02):
didn't happen, and just said tomyself, without telling anybody,
I'm going to get us the far ofthe crap away from this family
and this house and my brother,because he had that failure to
launch thing going on, where theolder he got, the more he just
kept living at home. My sistergrew up and got married and was
Jean like out of there, likeRoad Runner so fast. My brother
(04:25):
just stayed there. And it was sothis 14 year old me, 19 year old
brother, and he just wouldn'tleave, and he just brought in
just a lot of problems. And so Ikind of was the first person to
go to college, but, that I wentoff to college and and I was
just bound and determined tonever go back to to their way of
(04:46):
being and kind of I wasn't. Ididn't want to be like them. And
so I said, Well, I know onething they're not doing in this
house and this family I got borninto. No one seems like they're
getting educated. So so theythey're good.
People don't get me wrong, butjust made some bad decisions.
And so I went to medical school,and then I went to graduate
school, and I've been a doctorfor 30 years, and no one else
(05:11):
has ever hurt me. Knock on wood,I've protected myself really
well, and no one ever hurt mydaughter. Have a 21 and a 19
year old son and daughter. Noone ever hurt them, too, and I
just kind of at the time, and wecan get more into my story
later, but at the time, I justsaid, I'm going to make it my
mission on this earth, becauseof what happened to me, it's not
(05:33):
going to happen to my daughter.And so I was very, very
protective. I was like girl intoGirl Scouts, the Boy Scouts. I
just protected. I was aprotector of children when I was
a mom, when I was a mom oflittle ones, and so that's kind
of my story, and how I ended uphere, even though it's through a
sad turn of events, well. And
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (05:51):
yeah, well, I'm so sorry that that that is
your experience, and you know,and I love how you've turned it
into a positive framework foryourself and how you kind of
move through the world. But howdo you because I think it goes
either one of two directions,right? Either you fall into the
same cycle or you pull yourselfout of it. But I'm always
interested in learning, like,what do you think it was about
(06:15):
you, or was there someone or,like, how were you able to kind
of make that decision whennobody else is modeling that for
you. Like, how did you know thateducation was going to be kind
of your path out and that thiswas your way of, kind of making
a different story?
Cindy Starke (06:29):
You know, I will, I will just tell you how it
happened. I'm not telling youthat I had this thought in my
brain to go and do this. But,like, looking back, I wanted the
same thing all the time becausemy sister tried to go to dental
hygiene school, and it justdidn't last. My brother went to
heat in an air conditioningschool. He did graduate from
that. She became acosmetologist, you know,
(06:52):
couldn't cut hair. But I thinkwhat happened Sammy is that I
was I noticed in high school Iwas making straight A's, and I
was with three other so twoother people, so there were
three valedictorians, and thosetwo other kids went to college,
and just because college wasnothing, that was a Buckner
(07:14):
thing to do. I said, Well, gosh,if Andrew Beasley and Nicole
wells went to college and I'm avaledictorian with them. I
should go to college too. So Iasked my mom and dad for
permission to apply to college.
And you know what my mother toldme? She said she herself had
wanted to apply to college whenshe was my age, but her mom and
(07:35):
dad told her that they didn'thave enough money. And I'm like,
is she about to tell me that shedoesn't have enough money to
send me to college. Like,where's this conversation going?
And she said, and she said, Butyou know what? Because your
brother and your sister didn'tgo to college, we can afford to
take you? I said, okay, good,thank goodness, because that's
(07:55):
what everybody else that's assmart as me is doing, and I just
think that's what I need to do.And I was dating a guy at the
time. He ended up becoming thefather of my two children. But I
was dating a guy at the timewhere everybody in their family
went to college, and so Mr.Starke, you know, my father in
law, he told me that he justkind of like asked me, Where are
(08:16):
you going to go to college? Imean, he didn't even say, are
you going to go to college? Heassumed it was going to happen.
And so it just made my little 15year old brain, because that's
when I met, you know, his sonand and 15 year old brain
realized, wow, I don't even haveto decide, am I going to I get
to decide where am I going to.And all of his boys were going
to University of Georgia. So Ijust went to University of
(08:37):
Georgia too, and I got in. Andso, yeah, I think it was just
the valedictorian thing, andthen the boy I was dating his
father, just random people thatwere in my life at that time. It
was not a thought of my own. Iwould have never dreamed of it,
that it was impossible for me.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (08:56):
That's so interesting, but I still think,
to give you a little bit ofcredit, and granted I didn't, I
mean, I don't know you, so I'mjust pulling this out. But I
think also there is thatwillingness to accept that
advice that's being given toyou, yes, so I think that is
maybe just an inheritory in youthat is different than maybe
your siblings, and why you wereable to complete your schooling
(09:18):
and do what you've done, asopposed to kind of the other
side of that, because I think alot of times we have to be
willing to take the advice, likewe're scared to do what we know
is before us that nobody's everdone before. You had no idea
what that experience was goingto be like, or had anybody to
kind of help you walk throughthat. But there is part of your
personality that is still like,you know what? I'm willing to
(09:39):
take this risk. This seems likethe better option well, and I
feel like that carried youthrough multiple decisions in
your career, right?
Cindy Starke (09:48):
Yeah, absolutely I do. I don't know what to think
about astrology, because I'mnot. I don't know anything about
it, like I don't study it atall, but I keep attracting these
people into my orbit, and I.Hear things that they say, or
they'll tell me to download thisapp, or they'll do my chart
design readout or whatever. AndI have something I pronounce it
(10:11):
Uranus is some planet that's inmy you know, where the stars and
planets were on the moment I wasborn, and supposedly that is
this major force of independenceand breaking out of conformity
and kind of like, you know, justjust kind of being a
(10:31):
trailblazer. And so I would saythat has always been me, you
know, I I remember I wanted somemoney when I was Kali Sammy. I
think I was like, 12 or 13 yearsold, and I wanted some money to
buy something. I can't rememberwhat it was. I think I wanted to
buy Jordan's jeans and a GloriaVanderbilt shirt. And my mom and
dad didn't have enough money tobuy those. And so I said, I'm
(10:53):
going to start a business and tomake my money so I can buy what
I want to wear. And I went andlearned how to decorate cakes. I
went to a cake decorating store,took a little tiny class with
all these older women. They wereall in their 40s, and I was
literally 12 or 13, and Ilearned how to sell cakes. I
bought the ingredients for $1and I sold the cakes for $10 and
(11:15):
I got my jeans that I wanted.So, yeah, if there is something
in me that just where, ifthere's something I want, I'm
gonna get after it. And I knewone thing, I couldn't keep going
home to my brother's house, andI was not ready to get married.
And so I said, Well, I went twoways out of your parents house.
Is marriage or job? I wasn'tready to get a job. And so I
(11:35):
said, Okay, school, that soundsgreat, and it was just the best
decision, and it was scary,especially going to grad school
and medical school was evenscarier. But I felt I found
comfort in numbers, and therewas always a bunch of other
people around me doing the samething. So I just, I just kept at
it,
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (11:57):
okay, but let's fast forward, because you,
you know, you just said you'recomfortable in numbers and
groups, but you also mentionedyou've always had this kind of
trailblazing attitude. Socorrect me if I'm wrong, but you
quit your medical career tobecome an entrepreneur and do
something a little bitdifferent. So like, what kind of
(12:17):
brought that up? And how did youhave the kind of guts to leave
something behind that's, youknow, pretty stable and
prominent and, you know, a goodsign of success and all of that
stuff. Yeah,
Cindy Starke (12:31):
so I was in a relationship with my kid's dad,
and he was really into mekeeping that job as a doctor,
but I was, I got myself into abusiness class Sammy. It was
called clients on demand. It wasbased out of California, and
they were, I was surrounded byevery month there were, I think
(12:56):
100 think there was 100 of us,people that just had a lot of we
call ourselves, like the lightwarriors, people that just want
to bring light and love andhealing into the world, people
from real estate agents todoctors to, you know, everybody
in between, wanting to build anonline business course. And so I
(13:17):
was surrounded by so I joinedthat in late 2018, and I was
surrounded by people that hadmuch more of a lifestyle that I
wanted, which was, all you needis a laptop and an internet
connection and you can, like,make an impact on people's
lives. My kid's dad did not wantme to leave medicine. I really,
really wanted to and through, ayou know, it took me four years.
(13:42):
The pandemic really kind ofhelped to clarify and purify all
of that out of me, what I wasunhappy with. And I did, I did
have to leave my kid's dad to beable to break out because he was
so unsupportive. And then I hadthis clients on demand, like all
these people modeling thisother, this other business
model, and I was doing what theytold me to do. And then I stayed
(14:05):
in medicine. Even though Iretired, I stayed in only nine
days a month. I mean, I can worktwo days a month, or I can work
31 days a month. I I just, Ijust now I'm a 1099, employee,
instead of, like this full timew2 employee. And I, I I just
found some hospitals that wouldlove moonlighters, and so they
just let me work whatever shiftswork into my schedule. And it
(14:29):
but it really did. It took a lotof belief in myself. It took a
lot of being around otherentrepreneurs that were doing it
too, because even my mom and daddidn't believe that I could
replace that income or or havethe stability, but I've, it's
been such a good thing for me,because it satisfies that that
independent Trailblazer part ofme and I get to do a little bit
(14:51):
of both now.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (14:54):
Oh, that. So what is it that you're doing
now? How are you helping andsupporting people? Because
clearly, you know, going in. Tomedical practice, excuse me, and
supporting people like there's avery much giving back and caring
spirit about you. So kind of,what are you doing now to
support people?
Cindy Starke (15:12):
Yes, I'll tell you when I it happened more during
covid than anything else thatI've ever seen. But I started
looking around me, and I sawthat there were all of these men
and women that were taking careof patients, and we were doing
it without a lot of protection,like they would at the
(15:33):
beginning. They would give usone mask, and we had to wear it
for two weeks. We just they wererationing out everything that we
had to kind of keep us safe andprotected. And I noticed that
people were scared and peoplewere stressed and lonely and
unsupported. And I said, Who'staking care of the healthcare
workers? These healthcareworkers are taking care of all
(15:54):
these patients, but who's takingcare of us? And when I went
through my healing, and I wentthrough really, really deep
level of just, you know, Soulbearing, kind of healing, some
retreats, I hired an executivecoach. I ended up getting
certified in tools to help theother healthcare workers. That's
my main specialty, because, Imean, we're all in it together.
(16:17):
And I think I speak a languagewhere it's mostly healthcare
workers that seek me out astheir coach and healer, but I
run an ongoing subscription,kind of into a 12 week healing
container, where I help peoplerealize what might be holding
them back, what where they mightneed support, and I give them
(16:39):
accountability and and We're allin there together. We give each
other camaraderie. And yeah, sothat that's, that's what I do.
But then I you don't have to bea healthcare worker every I
think all of us have a unifyingthread, Sammy, where we're kind
of living lives of of quietdesperation. And a lot of people
are lonely and and misunderstoodright now. And so these tools
(17:04):
that I get certified in, whichis, it's called subconscious re
patterning, where you get rid ofthe limiting beliefs and you
build in empowering beliefs,they work on anybody but, but
that's just kind of who I'maround more than anybody else is
the healthcare workers. So,yeah, that's what I'm doing
right now on the side and andit's in this very fulfilling
(17:27):
that's my passion project. Likeyou said, This podcast was your
passion project.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (17:34):
Yeah, because I think, you know, it's
really interesting as we thinkabout our career paths and the
choices that we make. You know,you talked about your kids like
we have the same conversationswith our kids about, how do we
kind of encourage them to figureout their own journey and their
own path without maybelimitations necessarily? Um, but
(17:55):
I think we forget to do that forourselves, or we think like
we're at this space so like thisis where we should be in our
career, or this is where, like,what people are going to deem as
successful, and so I just loveyour story so much because it's,
it's, you know, yeah, I amsuccessful on paper, or I'm
doing great, but this isn'tfueling me. This isn't lighting
(18:15):
me up. This isn't my why, andI'm going to figure out a way to
kind of do it differently and doit on my own. So I guess, like,
would your advice be to people?Because it doesn't matter if
it's your career, if it'swhatever, would your advice be
to just kind of start to speaksome of the things that you're
excited about and kind of openyou up, and some of these
(18:39):
opportunities will maybe kind ofstart to find you, or you'll
start to have conversations.With people differently. That
will kind of lead you. Becausesometimes we don't know where
we're going. We just know thatthis isn't it? Yeah,
Cindy Starke (18:49):
I Well, I'll tell you. My best advice is to really
get honest with yourself, andkind of don't be afraid of the
negative emotions. I thinksometimes we're afraid of
uncovering some anger that mightbe underneath or some sadness,
and we think if we admit thatsomething isn't fulfilling us,
(19:11):
then what were we doing theselast 30 years? But like we we're
exactly where we need to beright now. You I couldn't have
broken out of full time medicineand realized that this other
piece in the and way of doing itwas so much more fulfilling to
me unless I had experienced 30years of being frustrated. I
(19:32):
wasn't frustrated the whole 30years. But you know, there you
have to let that contrast be inyour life. Sammy, you know you
can't just only act like the theemotions that you're allowed to
experience are happiness andpeace and contentment and
creativity. I mean, there's gotto be some darker, you know,
there's got to be that duality.And so I think if people can
(19:54):
spend some time with themselves,be really honest with
themselves, and then journalingis my favorite. Way I meditate,
and then a journal afterwards, Iwill get such clarity when I
meditate and be really quiet.You know, there's hurts music,
and there's like, it's this,it's kind of this, I don't even
know it's like, all kinds ofdifferent hurts. You can find
(20:16):
them on Spotify or YouTube, andit kind of gets you into a
relaxed state. And if you canjust kind of meditate in silence
and just listen to yourbreathing and then that music,
and just think about what it isthat you're experiencing right
now in your life, and then giveyourself some time to journal,
some things will come out,because it kind of connects you
to your subconscious mind, thewriting.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (20:38):
Yeah, no, that's so good. And I love
having that kind of meditatingis hard for me because I can't
sit in silence. I can't doanything in silence. I always
have to have noise going onaround me. So I love like, using
the rhythm of like, the music tolike, help you pull that
together. I think that that'sthat's interesting. I'll have to
(20:59):
do some more. Maybe I'll have togive meditation to try again.
Because, holy cow, I know forme, the biggest problem is
trying to do too many differentthings. So I have a lot of
ideas, but I have a hard timehoning in on like, if I have an
idea, I want to do it right now,and so that's where I'm always
trying to work on myself. Isthat okay? Like, how can we
(21:20):
what's going to make the biggestimpact on the clients that we
work with, or the people thatare listening to the podcast?
How can we focus and not do toomany things? So do you find that
to be a struggle for you too?Like, now that you're kind of
opening up this newentrepreneurial side of your
work and your life? Like, areyou finding it easy to focus and
really kind of support the workthat you're doing, or are you
(21:41):
now, like, kind of like apinball trying to come up with
all these other things thatyou're just excited. Oh,
Cindy Starke (21:46):
brain man. I mean, it is so hard, isn't it? Like
there's just so much, like, Iwant to do my posting, I want to
do my emails. I want to do myclient sales calls. I want to do
the meditations. Or I call themclearings, you know, where we
clear out the junk in oursubconscious mind. I want to do
it all myself. I want to be thegroup coaching, you know,
(22:09):
Administrator person. I justwant to do all of it, but I have
to hire a VA, because I cannotget into that monkey brain. And
then I have to be brutallyhonest with myself and batch it,
you know, by differentactivities, I'll say you only
(22:31):
have one hour to write yourpodcast, your not your podcast,
your email. So yesterday, like Igave myself only 15 minutes, I
had to write my email for thisweek, and I was having a really
hard time, just like you, beingin the silence. And so I went
for a walk, and I spoke it intomy phone, and then I, you know,
went into Google Docs and editedit this morning and sent it to
(22:51):
my VA. I said, I don't want tolook at it again. Send it out.
Here's the pictures and here'sthe email, because, but you have
to be like, I don't want to usethe word neurotic, because that
sounds negative, but like aninja. How about we'll say that
ninja, a ninja with your time,and you have to say, I'm only
going to get on social media forthis amount of time, or I'm only
(23:12):
going to work on that email forthis amount of time. Right now,
I'm working on another webinar,and I'm having that's really
hard for me to sit down andfocus to get those slides done.
So, yeah, you just I'm findingit harder and harder and harder,
so I just have to be like aninja at my schedule.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (23:34):
Yeah, for sure, the life of an
entrepreneur, right? Well,Cindy, you have an incredible
story. And I just love how like,even throughout all of it, like
you can really see thatcontinuity, continuity of
wanting to support people whilealso supporting yourself, not
just financially, butemotionally and in the things
(23:55):
that you love to do that let youup. So if somebody's listening
to this today, and they've justgot that nagging idea that's
been in the back of their headfor a long time, but they just
haven't taken action. Can youmaybe give that? Give them?
Like, you know, three steps,like, just start here. Like,
these are three things that youcan do today to maybe take one
step forward towards workingtowards that goal.
Cindy Starke (24:19):
Yeah. Well, I I think the best thing for people
to do is, number one, carve outsome time to do it okay and and
minimize distractions. My phoneis always on silent, always on
silent, except for when I'mworking with patients and and
(24:40):
get yourself, I mean, if youhave to use noise canceling
headphones, whatever you have todo to, like, get yourself into a
zone, so block out the time andmaximize your your your your
chances for success by turningoff the distractions and then
using the noise cancelingheadphones if you have to, and
then right out, I do a brain Iwould recommend they. Do a brain
dump of everything they want, sothat they'll take their end goal
(25:03):
at the bottom and then they'llwrite all the steps imaginable,
possible, that that would beneeding to be done to accomplish
that goal, and then get reallybrutally honest with your with
your calendar and your schedule.Don't be afraid of opening up.
Some people like don't like tolook in their checkbook
registry. Some people don't liketo look at their bills. I think
(25:26):
some people also don't likelooking at their calendar
because they know it'soverfilled. They know it's going
to be a failure, that it'simpossible to do all that they
want to do. But you just, youhave to be able to open it up
and look at it and be honestwith yourself, and just just
start with 15 minute incrementsof time. And even if you just
got one thing done for 15minutes once a week, then once
(25:47):
you do it once a week for a fewweeks, and do it, you know,
twice a week, and just startsmall and just keep at it. I and
get support the third the thirdthing, get some support and some
accountability from a friendthat cares about you.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (26:03):
Yeah, that is real good. Great, tangible
advice. I love that. Well,Cindy, so many good things. I
know we could probably talkforever and ever and ever. But
if people want to connect withyou, learn more about kind of
the work that you do, or just,you know, learn more about you
in general. How can they, howcan they do that? Yes,
Cindy Starke (26:25):
I say the one stop shop is always my website,
drcindystarke.com but, I mean, Iam on Instagram and Facebook
@CindyStarke, but at my website,it just has a real easy link for
all of those. And also there ondrcindystarke.com I have a link
that you can book a 15 minutecall with me. And I would love
(26:47):
to just talk to people and seeif there's anything that I can
help them out with. And if Ican't, I can, you know, refer
them to somebody else. And also,I have a 30 minute training
there that I did. It's a fewyears old. That's the one I'm
working on repeating. You know,I'm working on changing the
(27:08):
webinar right now, but there isone there that talks all about
what I do with the subconscious.And if it seems like a fit for
you, then just reach out to meand watch that training, and we
can get in touch with eachother.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (27:21):
I love that, and we will link up
everything in the show notes ateasy style with sammy.com/thirty
so you can grab all of thosethere. But Cindy, thank you so
much for joining us today.
Cindy Starke (27:36):
Thank you so much for having me and for this
opportunity to speak to yourlisteners, I really appreciate
this today.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (27:44):
Thank you. Thank you so much to Cindy for
joining me on this episode ofEasy Style with Sami. If you're
going through adversity, ifyou're going through struggles,
it's really just a greatreminder to do what you love,
care about what you're doing andfocus on what you really need,
(28:04):
and that's going to help younavigate through all of the
challenges that you're goingthrough now. And if Cindy can do
it, you can do it too. So makesure you check out the show
notes at easystylewithsami/29that's S A M, I make sure you
subscribe wherever you listen,so that you don't miss out on
any future episodes. Thank youso much for being a part of the
(28:25):
Easy Style with Sami community.I hope you will join us for our
next episode and make sure yougo to easystylewithsami.com we
publish blog posts and podcastepisodes every week so you can
check them out, get someresources built the life you
love, and have a great timedoing it. Thank you so much for
being here, and I will see youin the next one you.
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