February 6, 2025 • 27 mins
Welcome to another inspiring episode of Easy Style with Sami! Today, we’re joined by Anna Maria DiDio, an adoptive mom who turned her personal experiences into a meaningful children’s book series. Anna Maria’s story is a testament to the power of turning life’s challenges into creative outlets that can help others.
In this episode we discuss
- How Anna Maria’s adoption journey led her to write children’s books about adoption, trauma, and identity
- The importance of representation and open conversations around adoption
- Anna Maria’s transition from the corporate world to self-publishing and the resources she discovered
- Strategies for celebrating small wins and staying motivated as a self-published author
- Anna Maria’s plans to continue sharing her message through speaking engagements and new book projects
Want to skip ahead?
02:30 Adoption often comes with trauma, even in cases where the child is adopted as an infant.
06:41 Representation in children’s books can be a powerful tool for prompting important conversations within families.
15:06 Self-publishing provides flexibility, but also requires learning new skills and finding the right resources.
22:45 Celebrating small victories, like awards and recognition, can help self-published authors stay motivated.
23:42 Anna Maria plans to continue writing, speaking about adoption trauma, and reaching more people with her message.
Resources
Self Publishing School: https://selfpublishing.com/
Anna Maria DiDio
amdidio.com
https://www.facebook.com/AnnaMariaDiDioMSW/
https://www.facebook.com/AMDiDio.author
https://www.instagram.com/annamariadidiomsw
https://www.linkedin.com/in/annamariadidio/
https://www.amazon.com/author/annadidio
Grab more resources at https://easystylewithsami.com
Follow us on Facebook at https://facebook.com/ssmulhern
Follow us on Instagram at https://instagram.com/ssmulhern
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (00:00):
Welcome to Easy Style with Sami. I'm your
(00:02):
host. Sami Bedell-Mulhern, eachepisode, I invite a friend,
family member, colleague or justsomeone I've met on this journey
called life, to come and sharetheir personal style and
approach to business, parenting,life and everything in between.
You'll hear motivational andinspirational stories that will
help you refine and build yourown personal style. Remember,
(00:25):
style is easy when it comes fromwithin.
Hey friends, welcome to anotherepisode of easy style with CME
and my guest today. Anna MariaDiDio, did I say that? Right? I
hate the name part of podcasts.Well. Anna, thank you for being
here today.
Anna Maria DiDio (00:43):
Thank you so much for having me
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (00:45):
so we don't know each other. You know, it's
about 5050 on this podcast onpeople that are in my circle and
people that aren't. But I loveyour story, just in and just
stories in general, where peopletake things that happen to them
in their personal life and turnit into something super cool and
a business. So I would love foryou to just kind of share a
(01:06):
little bit about about who youare.
Anna Maria DiDio (01:09):
Oh, thank you. Thanks for having me. Yes, I'm
Anna Maria DiDio, and I'm anadoptive mom. And after I
finished with the corporateworld, I had been journaling and
keeping just notes and all kindsof things from our experience in
adopting our daughter fromMexico some 1520, years ago, and
(01:33):
I decided to write a memoir. Andafter that memoir that probably
no one read I thought that I hada lot more to say about the
trauma of adoption. So everyadoption begins with trauma, and
when I looked back on ourjourney, I thought it took me
(01:55):
too long to realize that and tothat knowledge that perspective
would have helped in our wholefamily experience. And I
thought, why don't I use some ofour actual family events to
write some children's books inorder to prompt conversations
(02:16):
about adoption, identity, grief,trauma and so families can
thrive. And that's was reallymy, the unique thing that I do
with with my books. So that'show it all started.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (02:30):
I love that, and I want to touch first
on this topic of trauma, becausehow old was did you say you
adopted a daughter? Yes,
Anna Maria DiDio (02:40):
I adopted. We had after some infertility
issues, we did have a beautifulbaby girl, but then adding to
our family was impossible. Somany years passed. I mean, the
adoption journey is not an easyone, and so by the time we
landed on where and how and whyand financially, our daughter
(03:03):
was about, you know, 6-7-8,years old. So we adopted this
child from Mexico, thisbeautiful girl from Mexico, and
she was six, okay,
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (03:14):
yeah. Because I feel like when we
think of trauma as humans, wethink about, like, kind of the
major trauma, like the thingsthat, you know, like a physical
and maybe this was the case. Idon't, you know, we don't need
to get into too much of thespecifics of your particular
situation, but you know, wethink about abuse, or we think
(03:35):
about neglect or drug use, or,like, big, big things. But to
your point, I kind of love whatyou said at the beginning, where
adoption in general, there istrauma all around no matter
what. And it kind of brings meback to when my son was being
diagnosed with ADHD, thepsychologist was asking me
(03:56):
questions about birth, like,were they a C section or a
natural birth? Like, how wasthat? Because there is trauma
just in labor and delivery, andit looks different. And so kind
of, I'm not surprised that thatwas a later aha moment, because
I don't think it's something wetalk about a lot. So how did
that kind of come to you, towhere you were, like, you know,
had we known better, we couldhave done these things
(04:18):
differently. Like, what was thattrigger for you?
Anna Maria DiDio (04:21):
Well, there was not one particular moment
per se, but as the years passedand I was just noting her
behavior in terms of hertendency not to tell the truth,
the temper tantrums, thedisassociation from the family,
I began to research things andthe trauma, initially, that I'm
(04:42):
referring to is called theprimal womb trauma. I'm not sure
if you or your listeners arefamiliar with that, but that's
what's referred to as. You know,right from the get go, if
children are adopted, theseparation from the birth
mother. So that's separation inand of a. Self is a traumatic
event, and that happens even ifthe child is adopted in infancy
(05:05):
or later on. But then on top ofthat, our daughter had lived six
years in another country withsights and smells and caregivers
and all kinds of people. She shewent to bed one day in Mexico,
the next day, she was in a housein suburban Philadelphia. I
mean, that was, and I said thisearlier, just it took me a while
(05:30):
to just realize all that she hadlost, and once I began reading
about trauma and expanded myknowledge and the memoir had
been written, of course, youknow, the years are passing by,
but I thought, well, what if Itook some of our family
experiences and wrote some booksthat would allow families to
(05:55):
discuss this openly and not beafraid of it. I mean, it's a
natural thing for an adoptedchild to ask, where did I come
from? Who do I look like again,even if the adoption happened in
infancy, and that's again, theunique mission of my books. I
hope to prompt that conversationso that families can thrive and
(06:19):
heal
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (06:20):
well. And I feel like representation
matters, right? So seeingdifferent families that don't
look like yours, but as a youngchild, having a book that is
made up of families that mightlook more similar to what
they're experiencing or seeingin their households can be
helpful. Did she help you in thewriting of these books? Was she
involved at all in kind ofcrafting these stories
Anna Maria DiDio (06:42):
well, only in that I did ask her about some of
the experiences as I waswriting, but they're not about
her exactly right? Young girlthat's adopted from Columbia.
Her name is Carla, because mydaughter said, Mom, enough. TMI,
already. No more writing aboutme. Well, she had had it, and so
(07:04):
I switched gears. But the, youknow, the foundation, the
experiences, the emotions in thebook, are all accurate
representations of our family.And I think there's, there's
some great learning andconversations there for families
to have.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (07:21):
Yeah, I think that's great, because
you're probably, you know, youdon't know what you don't know.
And so it seems like these booksare great prompts for
encouraging conversation thatyou know, we as parents might
not be thinking about, that ourchildren are, you know, emotions
and trauma that they're goingthrough, that we don't
necessarily even know to askabout. But I want to kind of
(07:41):
step back, because you mentionedyou had a corporate job. So
outside of kind of your adoptionjourney and kind of the the end
result, which is the books,like, Have you always been a
writer? Like, what was it aboutyou and your journey where you
were like, You know what? I kindof want to do this, because I
think a lot of times we havelife experiences that we feel
like we want to share. I startedthis podcast because I meet some
(08:03):
incredible people, and I feellike they have really cool
stories to share just about howthey've arrived at where they
got to but for a lot of people,like, how do we kind of how,
what was it about you that youwere like, You know what? This
is something that I really thinkis cool. I'm actually going to
write a book.
Anna Maria DiDio (08:19):
Well, I've always enjoyed writing, and the
beginning was those journals,and I used to keep like a little
pocket, little pocket notebookwith me and write down funny
things my daughter would say andand so I just had all this stuff
as I read it over. And theadoption experience in Mexico.
(08:42):
We traveled three times toMexico and met some
unbelievable, wonderful womenwho helped with the process.
We're still in touch with themtoday, occasionally, so I just
thought it would make a greatstory and and then thought,
well, the memoir itself wasalmost fun to write the
(09:02):
children's books. You're lookingfor the right illustrator and
the right feel of the message,and it can't be wordy or boring.
So that's that was reallyinteresting. So I I wanted to
make sure that really mypriority was reaching families
for this discussion and not beafraid of it, because one thing
(09:25):
I'll mention, it's oftenreferred to as the myth of
adoption. We think that look atwhat our entertainment world
does with the topic. Everythingis hearts and flowers, and
there's always happy endings andoh, and people used to say to
me, Oh, she's so lucky to beadopted by me. You're such a
(09:46):
wonderful family. Well, that wasreally the, you know, as the
years passed by, that's the lastthing I wanted to hear. She she
didn't think she was so lucky.And, and I want to make sure
that families know that. And notbe be open to, just to
discussing this and admittingthat there is trauma and the the
(10:08):
understanding and just allowingthe child to express that grief
is is essential for their fortheir mental health.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (10:20):
Hmm. I think also the equipping of us
as adoptive I mean, I'm not anadoptive parent, but I can only
feel like it's a amplificationof what I go through with my own
kids, right? I mean, like, isthere, was there ever a feeling
like, as you were kind ofworking through this, and as
(10:42):
you're writing your books?Writing your books of because
you have a biological child andan adoptive child from another
country, like, what am I doingwrong? How am I like, not
feeling like you're a goodenough parent because you can't
work through things in the sameway, but at the same time, like
there's no reason why you shouldbe able to work through them in
the same way, because this lifeexperience is so completely
different, exactly,
Anna Maria DiDio (11:03):
exactly. So you hit the nail right on the
head. I was coming from thatperspective, from my experience
with my older daughter. What,what is happening here? What's
What's wrong with her? What'sWhy can't she just do, you know?
X, and then, as I began to learnabout trauma, and there's that,
(11:23):
you know, I'm reading that booknow, the body trauma. The body
knows trauma, or, you know, youcan't, you can't hide from that.
And I realized it was the traumakind of talking to me, and it
was so that was the reason,obviously, for the writing, but
it increased my understanding.And I wish I could say, oh, with
(11:47):
that revelation, I became sounderstanding and so patient.
No, it did take a while, and youknow, I was, it was not the
perfect trajectory to peace andharmony, but it certainly helped
along the way. As I began toread and talk to more people, we
did have professionals at a fewstages in her life, I wanted to
(12:12):
provide a space for her to beable to talk to someone that
wasn't, wasn't me, wasn't wasn'tus. Parents cannot have all the
answers. So we tried a varietyof things, but overall, but
that, I mean, the goal is justunder for parents and
understanding there, becausethere is a lot of the world is
(12:36):
so busy clapping for all these,you know, enter Disney, kind of
stories that I wanted to show adifferent picture.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (12:44):
So why children's books, though,
versus, like, maybe books for ifyou wrote, If you, if you
started with a memoir, right?Like, that's a lot of writing.
That's a big project. So wasthere a conscious decision to go
to a children's book? Versus,maybe, like something for teens,
or, you know, was your hope thatyou could hit kids and families
(13:06):
younger in the process. Like,why? Why go all the way? Like,
that seems like a completependulum shift,
Anna Maria DiDio (13:11):
right, right, and, and it was really the
beginning of the process,because the memoir, as I said,
was, was really kind of fun towrite, just pulling all that
together and wasn't What anadventure that was. And these
the scope of the memoir is about15 years. But then the
children's books, I thought wasthe best way to convey the
(13:35):
message that I hope to give toparents. But recently, in
October, I launched a middlegrade book. So picture books are
really for kind of a parent,child discussion, age, I'll say
four to eight. And now I'mwriting another little series
for children aged eight to 12.More. Oh, I'm calling it a
(14:00):
blended family series, because,yeah, the main character is a
girl that's smart and kind of,well, I'll say nerdy, and has
trouble making friends, and shemeets a boy named Andy, and she
moves to a new city and meets aboy named Andy, and he enlists
(14:20):
her help in a secret adventureto find his birth mother. He's
adopted. And so it was a chanceto kind of explore some of these
themes. The book launched inOctober. The next book I'm
writing, which will be launchedthis spring, I think, is about
families, again, the samecharacter, but her cousin,
(14:42):
cousin's family, the parents areconsidering divorcing, and so
there's some issues anotherfriend of hers also, the
families have the parents haveseparated. So there's an issue
of perhaps step children. So Iwant wanted to interject all of
these different. Blended familycombinations in there for kids
(15:03):
to have them explore their ownfeelings about it.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (15:07):
Yeah, that's great. I love that. Well,
let's switch gears again, andbecause I'm curious. You know,
it's one thing to be a writerand to enjoy writing and to
write stories, it's anotherthing to turn it into a
business. So how did you likewhen you're like, Okay, I'm
gonna write this memoir. I wantto publish it. I'm gonna write
these books. How did you know,or where did you go to kind of
(15:29):
take those steps to find anillustrator or to understand,
kind of what the process is, theediting process, because was
your job. I don't think you toldit that your corporate job
before was not necessarily inthis field, right? So how did
you, yeah, how did you know whatto do and, like, take those
(15:51):
steps to actually complete it?Because it's one thing to have
the idea and write it. It's awhole nother thing to complete
the project and have itavailable to the
Anna Maria DiDio (15:59):
public. Well, it's a process, especially for
the books are self published. Sounlike a few years ago, now
there are many resources outthere for self published
authors. I'm in a wonderfulgroup connected to it used to be
called self publishing school,and now it's self published.com
(16:21):
and there's a children's bookgroup there. There are coaches
and guides. So it's not only, Imean, the key to doing anything
that's really out of your youknow, I spent years in one area.
I was a human resources directorfor many years in my career. But
when you step out of that and dosome something different, it's
(16:43):
important to know where to go,because you're learning from
scratch. So there are lots offree resources. There are a
million or millions of ofmarketing efforts that I hear
from every day that for a costthey will market the book or
list it or so. It's really aboutjust getting it out there on
(17:06):
Amazon, trying to promote itthrough I also write on medium.
I write articles about familylife and adoption. Just try to
get your name out there. And thebooks have done, done well and
been, have been very positivelyreceived, and the message really
resonating with adoptive family.So that was really my goal. It's
(17:27):
my secondary goal now throughpodcasts and other marketing
efforts, just to reach morepeople,
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (17:35):
yeah, but I think what I love about this is
you, and maybe you had momentswhere you felt like, maybe I
shouldn't be doing this, but itseems like in your core, you
were like, I've been throughthis experience, and I want
other people to have an evenbetter experience than I did. So
how can I do this, even thoughI'm going to step into a world
(17:58):
that I know nothing about, todeliver this message, and I
think that that's really cool,because I think that's where a
lot of people stop. They havethis great idea. They know they
want to do this work, but theystop themselves from taking
those steps to do the nextthing. So is there anything you
would say to listeners aboutlike, pushing through and just
kind of taking those next steps,even though it's terrifying?
Anna Maria DiDio (18:21):
Well, yeah, you you just, you just said it.
It is the imposter syndrome cantake over every moment of your
life if you, if you let it. Andbecause the initial books, the
the children's books, wereactual family experiences that
we learned from. I was soconfident in our message. And
(18:44):
let me just say the firstchildren, quote, unquote,
children's book that I wrote. Ihave three children's books in
that, in that series for agesfour to eight, and one is many
people to love, and that's aboutthe car the main character,
Carla, coming from Columbia andgetting used to her
surroundings. The next one isHow I wonder where you are.
(19:08):
Carla is really experiencingthat grief, wondering she
doesn't look like her biologicalsister, who is her first mother.
Does her first mother think ofher on her birthday. So there
are triggers for kids. And thenthe third book is Carla the
conqueror, because she has suchdifficulty reading English out
(19:28):
loud. As my daughter, she cameto the US, and English is not
her native language. So becausethese experiences all happen to
our family, I was so confidentin our message, in my message,
and I wanted to reach people. Sothat's really what kept me
going. So now, as I'm exploringand writing these middle grade
(19:52):
books and actually writingfiction, it's honestly a little
bit more terrifying, because I'mthinking, Well, now that I've
been. Made up this story. Isanyone going to like it or read
it so far? The first the firstone, the girl that I mentioned,
her name is Grace, and she's12-13, so that's a whole new
world for me, and I'm I wouldlove your listeners to let me
(20:15):
know there. Let me know theirfeedback.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (20:17):
Yeah, no, that's great. Um, the last thing
I really want to touch on isbecause this, you know,
launching books. And like yousaid, the feedback, everybody's
gonna give you feedback,everybody's gonna tell you, Oh,
well, you know, this was a greatstory, but the illustrate
whatever, like, everybody'sgonna have their opinion about
your book, your story, yourmessage, yeah, yada, yada yada.
So how do you keep movingforward? How do you celebrate?
(20:40):
Because you might launch a bookand it goes great, or it doesn't
go as well as you thought, or itgoes better than you thought,
but building it over time, like,how do you make sure you're
celebrating what you're doingand enjoying the work and giving
yourself the credit? Becauseit's a big deal to launch a book
regardless of how well it does.So you know, is there any
(21:01):
practice that you have to kindof make sure that you're taking
care of you and celebrating whatyou're doing and keeping the joy
and the love for the writingthat?
Anna Maria DiDio (21:10):
No, that's such a good question. Um, well,
yes, and no, I'm always focusedon the next thing. Too much
focus on the next thing,thinking, Oh, I'm not selling
enough. I don't know I tried toget on this podcast, or do I'm
trying now to also market myselfas a speaker. I'd love to speak
to groups about adoption traumaand talk about some of the
(21:33):
research that I've done, butI'll give you an example. So
like two weeks ago, I had anotice from you enter contest,
or you're on lists, or you'repart of the children's book
society and whatnot. I cut alist that, oh, your book has
been awarded a gold star, firstplace in the growing up facts of
(21:55):
life category. That's one of thecategories on Amazon. So I
thought, Oh, well, that's so socool. Then I thought, well, is
this really like? Becausethere's, there's, you know,
hundreds of winners, and theylist them, gold, silver, bronze,
runner up, finalist. But to getin that category, I got, I got
the gold for this latest book,this middle grade book. But
(22:18):
you're right. I did take time. Iposted about it on my social
media and celebrated it, eventhough, honestly, I think it was
kind of a way to maybe to get meto spend money, to get this
organization to promote my book.And so there's always that
hanging in the back of yourhead, but initially, someone
(22:38):
thought the book was good enoughfor the for the gold star. So I
take the win, you know when Ican get it.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (22:45):
Yeah, I think that's so important,
especially as I assume you'reyou don't have a huge, well, you
said you self published. So youdon't have a huge publishing
agency behind you. You don'thave a big team of people around
you. And it can be veryisolating when you're kind of by
yourself pushing somethingforward, even though I'm sure
you have great support in yourfamily to do it, it's still not
(23:06):
the same as being in the weedsevery single day,
Anna Maria DiDio (23:08):
because you have to do everything yourself
when you're when you're selfpublished. And on one hand, it's
exciting, and you get to controleverything, which is good. I'm
learning. I'm learning so much,but it's a lot of things to
juggle. I try to do. I have anemail list. My website is
(23:29):
amdidio.com, that's A M D I D IO.com, and all the information
about the books are there tosign up for. My newsletter is
there. So, yeah, you know, it'sa lot to juggle, but take each
day.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (23:42):
I love that. Okay, so you've got the,
we've got the youth books comingout, like, what's next? Like,
5-10, years from now? Like,what? How do you kind of
envision where you're at andwhat you're doing for these
families? Because it'sincredible
Anna Maria DiDio (23:57):
work. Yeah, I'd like to keep, keep writing,
and I'm learning that actuallypromoting and selling books is
all about keeping the messagegoing in different in different
ways, perhaps different formats,different characters. But this,
this is the series that I juststarted. I'd like to continue
with that. And as I said, I'malso preparing to be to approach
(24:24):
organizations, foundations,about speaking about adoption,
trauma and how we as parents canhelp our children with that
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (24:36):
love that well. Anna Maria, it was such a
pleasure having you here on thepodcast and for sharing your
story. Thank you for being open,and I think it's an inspiration.
You know, even if you don't wantto be an author, just thinking
about what you're passionateabout in your life, and how can
you turn that into somethingthat you can turn into a
(24:56):
business? Because at the end ofthe day, you know, it's a
revenue driver, it's your job.And I think that that's a great
inspiration for everybody. Youalready mentioned your website,
but how remind people again, howthey can connect with you, where
they can see your books, all thegood things.
Anna Maria DiDio (25:11):
Yeah, there all the information is on my
website. I have a lovelywebsite, amdidio.com, and that's
A M D I D I O. It means of Godand Italian. And the information
about the books is there.There's a freebie for children
to download. I'm big onaffirmations and confidence and
(25:32):
identity for these children. Sothere's a fun sheet on positive
affirmations. Sign up for thenewsletter and and, and get
those things. And there's also,also, one of my children's books
is read out loud on one of theYouTube of it's called snuggle
stories, I think. And I havethat on my website for for
(25:56):
listeners to perhaps take a lookand see what my books are all
about.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (26:00):
That's great. And we'll have all of
that linked up in the show notesat easystylewithsami.com/36 Anne
Maria, thank you so much foryour time today. I really
appreciate it.
Anna Maria DiDio (26:09):
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.
It was a great conversation. Iwant
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (26:13):
to say thank you again to Anna Maria
for being here on this episode.I love when passion connects
with work, because then youdon't really feel like you're
working, you're doing somethinggreat, that you are bringing to
the world. The passion is there?The why is there? So I really
encourage you to really thinkabout what you want from your
life and what you're doing andwhat you care about. I joke
(26:36):
because my husband always comesup with these million dollar
ideas, and he's like, we'regonna do this idea. We don't do
it for lots of reasons, and thenwhen something comes out that he
had an idea for years ago, wellwe could have been the people
that made the millions off ofthat. So what are you waiting
for? What are you going for?What are your dreams? And how
can you start to implement themtoday? So I hope you loved this
(26:58):
episode, and if you know ofother adoptive families in your
circle? Make sure you sharethese books with them so that
they can have betterconversations and keep healing
and moving forward in theiradoption journey. For now, make
sure you hit that subscribebutton wherever you're listening
or if you're watching onYouTube. Thank you so much for
being here and listen to theseepisodes. You can find the show
(27:18):
notes ateasystylewithsami.com/36 and
that's S A M, I, and I can'twait to see you in the next one.
And if you have people that youknow would have inspiring
stories that I should be sharingon this podcast, I want to know
about it. Leave a comment belowthis in the YouTube or send me
an emailHello@easystylewithsami.com I'll
see you in the next one.
Welcome to Easy Style with Sami. I'm your
(00:02):
host. Sami Bedell-Mulhern, eachepisode, I invite a friend,
family member, colleague or justsomeone I've met on this journey
called life, to come and sharetheir personal style and
approach to business, parenting,life and everything in between.
You'll hear motivational andinspirational stories that will
help you refine and build yourown personal style. Remember,
(00:25):
style is easy when it comes fromwithin.
Hey friends, welcome to anotherepisode of easy style with CME
and my guest today. Anna MariaDiDio, did I say that? Right? I
hate the name part of podcasts.Well. Anna, thank you for being
here today.
Anna Maria DiDio (00:43):
Thank you so much for having me
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (00:45):
so we don't know each other. You know, it's
about 5050 on this podcast onpeople that are in my circle and
people that aren't. But I loveyour story, just in and just
stories in general, where peopletake things that happen to them
in their personal life and turnit into something super cool and
a business. So I would love foryou to just kind of share a
(01:06):
little bit about about who youare.
Anna Maria DiDio (01:09):
Oh, thank you. Thanks for having me. Yes, I'm
Anna Maria DiDio, and I'm anadoptive mom. And after I
finished with the corporateworld, I had been journaling and
keeping just notes and all kindsof things from our experience in
adopting our daughter fromMexico some 1520, years ago, and
(01:33):
I decided to write a memoir. Andafter that memoir that probably
no one read I thought that I hada lot more to say about the
trauma of adoption. So everyadoption begins with trauma, and
when I looked back on ourjourney, I thought it took me
(01:55):
too long to realize that and tothat knowledge that perspective
would have helped in our wholefamily experience. And I
thought, why don't I use some ofour actual family events to
write some children's books inorder to prompt conversations
(02:16):
about adoption, identity, grief,trauma and so families can
thrive. And that's was reallymy, the unique thing that I do
with with my books. So that'show it all started.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (02:30):
I love that, and I want to touch first
on this topic of trauma, becausehow old was did you say you
adopted a daughter? Yes,
Anna Maria DiDio (02:40):
I adopted. We had after some infertility
issues, we did have a beautifulbaby girl, but then adding to
our family was impossible. Somany years passed. I mean, the
adoption journey is not an easyone, and so by the time we
landed on where and how and whyand financially, our daughter
(03:03):
was about, you know, 6-7-8,years old. So we adopted this
child from Mexico, thisbeautiful girl from Mexico, and
she was six, okay,
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (03:14):
yeah. Because I feel like when we
think of trauma as humans, wethink about, like, kind of the
major trauma, like the thingsthat, you know, like a physical
and maybe this was the case. Idon't, you know, we don't need
to get into too much of thespecifics of your particular
situation, but you know, wethink about abuse, or we think
(03:35):
about neglect or drug use, or,like, big, big things. But to
your point, I kind of love whatyou said at the beginning, where
adoption in general, there istrauma all around no matter
what. And it kind of brings meback to when my son was being
diagnosed with ADHD, thepsychologist was asking me
(03:56):
questions about birth, like,were they a C section or a
natural birth? Like, how wasthat? Because there is trauma
just in labor and delivery, andit looks different. And so kind
of, I'm not surprised that thatwas a later aha moment, because
I don't think it's something wetalk about a lot. So how did
that kind of come to you, towhere you were, like, you know,
had we known better, we couldhave done these things
(04:18):
differently. Like, what was thattrigger for you?
Anna Maria DiDio (04:21):
Well, there was not one particular moment
per se, but as the years passedand I was just noting her
behavior in terms of hertendency not to tell the truth,
the temper tantrums, thedisassociation from the family,
I began to research things andthe trauma, initially, that I'm
(04:42):
referring to is called theprimal womb trauma. I'm not sure
if you or your listeners arefamiliar with that, but that's
what's referred to as. You know,right from the get go, if
children are adopted, theseparation from the birth
mother. So that's separation inand of a. Self is a traumatic
event, and that happens even ifthe child is adopted in infancy
(05:05):
or later on. But then on top ofthat, our daughter had lived six
years in another country withsights and smells and caregivers
and all kinds of people. She shewent to bed one day in Mexico,
the next day, she was in a housein suburban Philadelphia. I
mean, that was, and I said thisearlier, just it took me a while
(05:30):
to just realize all that she hadlost, and once I began reading
about trauma and expanded myknowledge and the memoir had
been written, of course, youknow, the years are passing by,
but I thought, well, what if Itook some of our family
experiences and wrote some booksthat would allow families to
(05:55):
discuss this openly and not beafraid of it. I mean, it's a
natural thing for an adoptedchild to ask, where did I come
from? Who do I look like again,even if the adoption happened in
infancy, and that's again, theunique mission of my books. I
hope to prompt that conversationso that families can thrive and
(06:19):
heal
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (06:20):
well. And I feel like representation
matters, right? So seeingdifferent families that don't
look like yours, but as a youngchild, having a book that is
made up of families that mightlook more similar to what
they're experiencing or seeingin their households can be
helpful. Did she help you in thewriting of these books? Was she
involved at all in kind ofcrafting these stories
Anna Maria DiDio (06:42):
well, only in that I did ask her about some of
the experiences as I waswriting, but they're not about
her exactly right? Young girlthat's adopted from Columbia.
Her name is Carla, because mydaughter said, Mom, enough. TMI,
already. No more writing aboutme. Well, she had had it, and so
(07:04):
I switched gears. But the, youknow, the foundation, the
experiences, the emotions in thebook, are all accurate
representations of our family.And I think there's, there's
some great learning andconversations there for families
to have.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (07:21):
Yeah, I think that's great, because
you're probably, you know, youdon't know what you don't know.
And so it seems like these booksare great prompts for
encouraging conversation thatyou know, we as parents might
not be thinking about, that ourchildren are, you know, emotions
and trauma that they're goingthrough, that we don't
necessarily even know to askabout. But I want to kind of
(07:41):
step back, because you mentionedyou had a corporate job. So
outside of kind of your adoptionjourney and kind of the the end
result, which is the books,like, Have you always been a
writer? Like, what was it aboutyou and your journey where you
were like, You know what? I kindof want to do this, because I
think a lot of times we havelife experiences that we feel
like we want to share. I startedthis podcast because I meet some
(08:03):
incredible people, and I feellike they have really cool
stories to share just about howthey've arrived at where they
got to but for a lot of people,like, how do we kind of how,
what was it about you that youwere like, You know what? This
is something that I really thinkis cool. I'm actually going to
write a book.
Anna Maria DiDio (08:19):
Well, I've always enjoyed writing, and the
beginning was those journals,and I used to keep like a little
pocket, little pocket notebookwith me and write down funny
things my daughter would say andand so I just had all this stuff
as I read it over. And theadoption experience in Mexico.
(08:42):
We traveled three times toMexico and met some
unbelievable, wonderful womenwho helped with the process.
We're still in touch with themtoday, occasionally, so I just
thought it would make a greatstory and and then thought,
well, the memoir itself wasalmost fun to write the
(09:02):
children's books. You're lookingfor the right illustrator and
the right feel of the message,and it can't be wordy or boring.
So that's that was reallyinteresting. So I I wanted to
make sure that really mypriority was reaching families
for this discussion and not beafraid of it, because one thing
(09:25):
I'll mention, it's oftenreferred to as the myth of
adoption. We think that look atwhat our entertainment world
does with the topic. Everythingis hearts and flowers, and
there's always happy endings andoh, and people used to say to
me, Oh, she's so lucky to beadopted by me. You're such a
(09:46):
wonderful family. Well, that wasreally the, you know, as the
years passed by, that's the lastthing I wanted to hear. She she
didn't think she was so lucky.And, and I want to make sure
that families know that. And notbe be open to, just to
discussing this and admittingthat there is trauma and the the
(10:08):
understanding and just allowingthe child to express that grief
is is essential for their fortheir mental health.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (10:20):
Hmm. I think also the equipping of us
as adoptive I mean, I'm not anadoptive parent, but I can only
feel like it's a amplificationof what I go through with my own
kids, right? I mean, like, isthere, was there ever a feeling
like, as you were kind ofworking through this, and as
(10:42):
you're writing your books?Writing your books of because
you have a biological child andan adoptive child from another
country, like, what am I doingwrong? How am I like, not
feeling like you're a goodenough parent because you can't
work through things in the sameway, but at the same time, like
there's no reason why you shouldbe able to work through them in
the same way, because this lifeexperience is so completely
different, exactly,
Anna Maria DiDio (11:03):
exactly. So you hit the nail right on the
head. I was coming from thatperspective, from my experience
with my older daughter. What,what is happening here? What's
What's wrong with her? What'sWhy can't she just do, you know?
X, and then, as I began to learnabout trauma, and there's that,
(11:23):
you know, I'm reading that booknow, the body trauma. The body
knows trauma, or, you know, youcan't, you can't hide from that.
And I realized it was the traumakind of talking to me, and it
was so that was the reason,obviously, for the writing, but
it increased my understanding.And I wish I could say, oh, with
(11:47):
that revelation, I became sounderstanding and so patient.
No, it did take a while, and youknow, I was, it was not the
perfect trajectory to peace andharmony, but it certainly helped
along the way. As I began toread and talk to more people, we
did have professionals at a fewstages in her life, I wanted to
(12:12):
provide a space for her to beable to talk to someone that
wasn't, wasn't me, wasn't wasn'tus. Parents cannot have all the
answers. So we tried a varietyof things, but overall, but
that, I mean, the goal is justunder for parents and
understanding there, becausethere is a lot of the world is
(12:36):
so busy clapping for all these,you know, enter Disney, kind of
stories that I wanted to show adifferent picture.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (12:44):
So why children's books, though,
versus, like, maybe books for ifyou wrote, If you, if you
started with a memoir, right?Like, that's a lot of writing.
That's a big project. So wasthere a conscious decision to go
to a children's book? Versus,maybe, like something for teens,
or, you know, was your hope thatyou could hit kids and families
(13:06):
younger in the process. Like,why? Why go all the way? Like,
that seems like a completependulum shift,
Anna Maria DiDio (13:11):
right, right, and, and it was really the
beginning of the process,because the memoir, as I said,
was, was really kind of fun towrite, just pulling all that
together and wasn't What anadventure that was. And these
the scope of the memoir is about15 years. But then the
children's books, I thought wasthe best way to convey the
(13:35):
message that I hope to give toparents. But recently, in
October, I launched a middlegrade book. So picture books are
really for kind of a parent,child discussion, age, I'll say
four to eight. And now I'mwriting another little series
for children aged eight to 12.More. Oh, I'm calling it a
(14:00):
blended family series, because,yeah, the main character is a
girl that's smart and kind of,well, I'll say nerdy, and has
trouble making friends, and shemeets a boy named Andy, and she
moves to a new city and meets aboy named Andy, and he enlists
(14:20):
her help in a secret adventureto find his birth mother. He's
adopted. And so it was a chanceto kind of explore some of these
themes. The book launched inOctober. The next book I'm
writing, which will be launchedthis spring, I think, is about
families, again, the samecharacter, but her cousin,
(14:42):
cousin's family, the parents areconsidering divorcing, and so
there's some issues anotherfriend of hers also, the
families have the parents haveseparated. So there's an issue
of perhaps step children. So Iwant wanted to interject all of
these different. Blended familycombinations in there for kids
(15:03):
to have them explore their ownfeelings about it.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (15:07):
Yeah, that's great. I love that. Well,
let's switch gears again, andbecause I'm curious. You know,
it's one thing to be a writerand to enjoy writing and to
write stories, it's anotherthing to turn it into a
business. So how did you likewhen you're like, Okay, I'm
gonna write this memoir. I wantto publish it. I'm gonna write
these books. How did you know,or where did you go to kind of
(15:29):
take those steps to find anillustrator or to understand,
kind of what the process is, theediting process, because was
your job. I don't think you toldit that your corporate job
before was not necessarily inthis field, right? So how did
you, yeah, how did you know whatto do and, like, take those
(15:51):
steps to actually complete it?Because it's one thing to have
the idea and write it. It's awhole nother thing to complete
the project and have itavailable to the
Anna Maria DiDio (15:59):
public. Well, it's a process, especially for
the books are self published. Sounlike a few years ago, now
there are many resources outthere for self published
authors. I'm in a wonderfulgroup connected to it used to be
called self publishing school,and now it's self published.com
(16:21):
and there's a children's bookgroup there. There are coaches
and guides. So it's not only, Imean, the key to doing anything
that's really out of your youknow, I spent years in one area.
I was a human resources directorfor many years in my career. But
when you step out of that and dosome something different, it's
(16:43):
important to know where to go,because you're learning from
scratch. So there are lots offree resources. There are a
million or millions of ofmarketing efforts that I hear
from every day that for a costthey will market the book or
list it or so. It's really aboutjust getting it out there on
(17:06):
Amazon, trying to promote itthrough I also write on medium.
I write articles about familylife and adoption. Just try to
get your name out there. And thebooks have done, done well and
been, have been very positivelyreceived, and the message really
resonating with adoptive family.So that was really my goal. It's
(17:27):
my secondary goal now throughpodcasts and other marketing
efforts, just to reach morepeople,
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (17:35):
yeah, but I think what I love about this is
you, and maybe you had momentswhere you felt like, maybe I
shouldn't be doing this, but itseems like in your core, you
were like, I've been throughthis experience, and I want
other people to have an evenbetter experience than I did. So
how can I do this, even thoughI'm going to step into a world
(17:58):
that I know nothing about, todeliver this message, and I
think that that's really cool,because I think that's where a
lot of people stop. They havethis great idea. They know they
want to do this work, but theystop themselves from taking
those steps to do the nextthing. So is there anything you
would say to listeners aboutlike, pushing through and just
kind of taking those next steps,even though it's terrifying?
Anna Maria DiDio (18:21):
Well, yeah, you you just, you just said it.
It is the imposter syndrome cantake over every moment of your
life if you, if you let it. Andbecause the initial books, the
the children's books, wereactual family experiences that
we learned from. I was soconfident in our message. And
(18:44):
let me just say the firstchildren, quote, unquote,
children's book that I wrote. Ihave three children's books in
that, in that series for agesfour to eight, and one is many
people to love, and that's aboutthe car the main character,
Carla, coming from Columbia andgetting used to her
surroundings. The next one isHow I wonder where you are.
(19:08):
Carla is really experiencingthat grief, wondering she
doesn't look like her biologicalsister, who is her first mother.
Does her first mother think ofher on her birthday. So there
are triggers for kids. And thenthe third book is Carla the
conqueror, because she has suchdifficulty reading English out
(19:28):
loud. As my daughter, she cameto the US, and English is not
her native language. So becausethese experiences all happen to
our family, I was so confidentin our message, in my message,
and I wanted to reach people. Sothat's really what kept me
going. So now, as I'm exploringand writing these middle grade
(19:52):
books and actually writingfiction, it's honestly a little
bit more terrifying, because I'mthinking, Well, now that I've
been. Made up this story. Isanyone going to like it or read
it so far? The first the firstone, the girl that I mentioned,
her name is Grace, and she's12-13, so that's a whole new
world for me, and I'm I wouldlove your listeners to let me
(20:15):
know there. Let me know theirfeedback.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (20:17):
Yeah, no, that's great. Um, the last thing
I really want to touch on isbecause this, you know,
launching books. And like yousaid, the feedback, everybody's
gonna give you feedback,everybody's gonna tell you, Oh,
well, you know, this was a greatstory, but the illustrate
whatever, like, everybody'sgonna have their opinion about
your book, your story, yourmessage, yeah, yada, yada yada.
So how do you keep movingforward? How do you celebrate?
(20:40):
Because you might launch a bookand it goes great, or it doesn't
go as well as you thought, or itgoes better than you thought,
but building it over time, like,how do you make sure you're
celebrating what you're doingand enjoying the work and giving
yourself the credit? Becauseit's a big deal to launch a book
regardless of how well it does.So you know, is there any
(21:01):
practice that you have to kindof make sure that you're taking
care of you and celebrating whatyou're doing and keeping the joy
and the love for the writingthat?
Anna Maria DiDio (21:10):
No, that's such a good question. Um, well,
yes, and no, I'm always focusedon the next thing. Too much
focus on the next thing,thinking, Oh, I'm not selling
enough. I don't know I tried toget on this podcast, or do I'm
trying now to also market myselfas a speaker. I'd love to speak
to groups about adoption traumaand talk about some of the
(21:33):
research that I've done, butI'll give you an example. So
like two weeks ago, I had anotice from you enter contest,
or you're on lists, or you'repart of the children's book
society and whatnot. I cut alist that, oh, your book has
been awarded a gold star, firstplace in the growing up facts of
(21:55):
life category. That's one of thecategories on Amazon. So I
thought, Oh, well, that's so socool. Then I thought, well, is
this really like? Becausethere's, there's, you know,
hundreds of winners, and theylist them, gold, silver, bronze,
runner up, finalist. But to getin that category, I got, I got
the gold for this latest book,this middle grade book. But
(22:18):
you're right. I did take time. Iposted about it on my social
media and celebrated it, eventhough, honestly, I think it was
kind of a way to maybe to get meto spend money, to get this
organization to promote my book.And so there's always that
hanging in the back of yourhead, but initially, someone
(22:38):
thought the book was good enoughfor the for the gold star. So I
take the win, you know when Ican get it.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (22:45):
Yeah, I think that's so important,
especially as I assume you'reyou don't have a huge, well, you
said you self published. So youdon't have a huge publishing
agency behind you. You don'thave a big team of people around
you. And it can be veryisolating when you're kind of by
yourself pushing somethingforward, even though I'm sure
you have great support in yourfamily to do it, it's still not
(23:06):
the same as being in the weedsevery single day,
Anna Maria DiDio (23:08):
because you have to do everything yourself
when you're when you're selfpublished. And on one hand, it's
exciting, and you get to controleverything, which is good. I'm
learning. I'm learning so much,but it's a lot of things to
juggle. I try to do. I have anemail list. My website is
(23:29):
amdidio.com, that's A M D I D IO.com, and all the information
about the books are there tosign up for. My newsletter is
there. So, yeah, you know, it'sa lot to juggle, but take each
day.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (23:42):
I love that. Okay, so you've got the,
we've got the youth books comingout, like, what's next? Like,
5-10, years from now? Like,what? How do you kind of
envision where you're at andwhat you're doing for these
families? Because it'sincredible
Anna Maria DiDio (23:57):
work. Yeah, I'd like to keep, keep writing,
and I'm learning that actuallypromoting and selling books is
all about keeping the messagegoing in different in different
ways, perhaps different formats,different characters. But this,
this is the series that I juststarted. I'd like to continue
with that. And as I said, I'malso preparing to be to approach
(24:24):
organizations, foundations,about speaking about adoption,
trauma and how we as parents canhelp our children with that
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (24:36):
love that well. Anna Maria, it was such a
pleasure having you here on thepodcast and for sharing your
story. Thank you for being open,and I think it's an inspiration.
You know, even if you don't wantto be an author, just thinking
about what you're passionateabout in your life, and how can
you turn that into somethingthat you can turn into a
(24:56):
business? Because at the end ofthe day, you know, it's a
revenue driver, it's your job.And I think that that's a great
inspiration for everybody. Youalready mentioned your website,
but how remind people again, howthey can connect with you, where
they can see your books, all thegood things.
Anna Maria DiDio (25:11):
Yeah, there all the information is on my
website. I have a lovelywebsite, amdidio.com, and that's
A M D I D I O. It means of Godand Italian. And the information
about the books is there.There's a freebie for children
to download. I'm big onaffirmations and confidence and
(25:32):
identity for these children. Sothere's a fun sheet on positive
affirmations. Sign up for thenewsletter and and, and get
those things. And there's also,also, one of my children's books
is read out loud on one of theYouTube of it's called snuggle
stories, I think. And I havethat on my website for for
(25:56):
listeners to perhaps take a lookand see what my books are all
about.
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (26:00):
That's great. And we'll have all of
that linked up in the show notesat easystylewithsami.com/36 Anne
Maria, thank you so much foryour time today. I really
appreciate it.
Anna Maria DiDio (26:09):
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.
It was a great conversation. Iwant
Sami Bedell-Mulhern (26:13):
to say thank you again to Anna Maria
for being here on this episode.I love when passion connects
with work, because then youdon't really feel like you're
working, you're doing somethinggreat, that you are bringing to
the world. The passion is there?The why is there? So I really
encourage you to really thinkabout what you want from your
life and what you're doing andwhat you care about. I joke
(26:36):
because my husband always comesup with these million dollar
ideas, and he's like, we'regonna do this idea. We don't do
it for lots of reasons, and thenwhen something comes out that he
had an idea for years ago, wellwe could have been the people
that made the millions off ofthat. So what are you waiting
for? What are you going for?What are your dreams? And how
can you start to implement themtoday? So I hope you loved this
(26:58):
episode, and if you know ofother adoptive families in your
circle? Make sure you sharethese books with them so that
they can have betterconversations and keep healing
and moving forward in theiradoption journey. For now, make
sure you hit that subscribebutton wherever you're listening
or if you're watching onYouTube. Thank you so much for
being here and listen to theseepisodes. You can find the show
(27:18):
notes ateasystylewithsami.com/36 and
that's S A M, I, and I can'twait to see you in the next one.
And if you have people that youknow would have inspiring
stories that I should be sharingon this podcast, I want to know
about it. Leave a comment belowthis in the YouTube or send me
an emailHello@easystylewithsami.com I'll
see you in the next one.
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